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Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells classic stories to Spark and Vector, two silly robots who have read the entire internet but still don’t understand humans. Like, what are hot dogs and… why? And what’s up with wearing pants?
Season one tells the original fairy tales behind the famous animated films: the real Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Aladdin, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast and The Snow Queen, the way Hans Christian Andersen, the Brothers Grimm and others first told them.
About 20 minutes an episode: perfect for car rides, road trips or a story before bed. A funny podcast for kids and adults alike, great for kids listening on their own and even better together. New episodes every Thursday. Free and ad-free.
Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show’s music is made with AI tools.
Griffin: Welcome back
to Stories for Robots.
I'm Griffin Schwade, your
host and storyteller.
Join me as I share some of humanity's most
timeless tales with two silly robots who
are trying to understand human culture
by exploring fairy tales, folklore, and
historical events from around the world.
In season one, we're diving into stories
you know, or at least you think you do.
We're going back to the original
versions of classic tales made
famous by animated movies.
But these original stories
are pretty different from the
versions you grew up with.
Last time, we heard part one of Aladdin.
If you missed that one, pause
now, go back, and listen.
None of this will make sense if you don't.
Now, in case you listened but
kinda forgot what happened,
Vector is gonna give a recap.
Vector: I am?
Fine.
A spoiled brat named Aladdin is
tricked by an evil wizard with
bad facial hair, finds two genies,
and falls in love with a princess.
Griffin: Okay, not the best,
Vector: But also not the worst.
Spark: Almost the worst.
Griffin: But we can work with it.
Okay, so Aladdin has fallen in
love with Princess Badroulbador
and has sent his mother to ask
the sultan if she will marry him.
That's kind of a crazy thing to do.
Everyone knows a princess must marry
a prince, so she's brought a huge
plate full of magical jewels as a
gift, and now she's just revealing
them to the sultan and his court.
As the light catches the enormous
gems, everyone goes quiet.
The sultan gasps.
These are the largest, most perfect
treasures anyone has ever seen.
Just by looking at them, the
sultan knows they're probably
worth more than everything else
in the royal palace combined.
Spark: Yes, the plan is working.
Okay, so now Aladdin can marry the
princess and live happily ever after.
The end.
Vector: Short episode, but good.
Griffin: Not quite.
The sultan's vizier, his chief advisor,
whispers, " Your Majesty, these are
impressive, but surely you won't give
your daughter to some unknown commoner.
Tell her to come back in three months,
and let's see if we can't find a better
suitor in the meantime." Now, the
vizier has his own son, and he wants
him to marry the princess, so he's
trying to sabotage this, and it works.
Adara goes home and tells
Aladdin they'll need to wait
three months before coming back.
Meanwhile, the vizier convinces
the sultan that his son is a
better match for the princess,
and a wedding is quickly arranged.
Spark: You sneaky little vizier.
Griffin: And this is where
things get really crazy.
On the night of the wedding, Aladdin
finds out about this new arrangement
between the princess and the vizier's son.
Vector: Let's call him
Megavolts the Magnificent.
Griffin: Yeah, no.
Vector: Lame.
Then let's call him Fred.
Griffin: Yeah, sure, okay.
Fred.
Now, Aladdin can't think of a good
way to make Princess Badroulbador
and Fred call off the wedding, so
he comes up with an insane plan.
He has the genie transport the
newlyweds, bed and all, into his
house while they're sleeping.
Spark: Um, what?
Griffin: Then he has the genie kick
poor old Fred outside into the cold,
hops into bed with a confused and
terrified princess, and explains
that he's supposed to marry her.
Then he falls asleep.
Spark: That's unhinged.
I would karate chop him so hard.
Griffin: He does this every night
until they're both so freaked
out that they cancel the wedding.
Vector: Question, do humans
find this behavior romantic?
Spark: No, Vector.
This is more like kidnapping.
Griffin: Correct.
Do not use magic to scare and
confuse the person you want to marry.
In real life, they will hate you
and probably also call the police.
Vector: That is cray cray.
Spark: Um, no one says that anymore.
Vector: Yes, they do.
It is groovy slang, daddy-o.
Griffin: Anyway, once the
princess and Fred split up, Aladdin
sends Adara back to the palace to
remind the sultan of their deal.
It turns out the sultan had
forgotten about Aladdin.
But now that he's thinking about those big
old jewels again, he sees an opportunity
to ask for an even more outrageous gift.
So he says to Adara, Your son's
first gift was generous, but
for such an amazing bride,
he must prove himself worthy.
Tell him to send me 40 gold basins filled
with jewels like the first ones, and make
sure they're carried by 80 regal servants.
If he can do this, I'll
give him my daughter."
Spark: Why does a sultan have
such a ridiculous accent?
Griffin: He doesn't.
It's just a normal sultan accent.
Whatever.
Anyway, the sultan
figures it's impossible,
but there's no harm in
asking.
So Adara tells Aladdin the
news, and he's thrilled.
He skips over to his room,
takes out the lamp, and rubs it.
Moments later, eighty servants in
gorgeous clothes are setting off
in a grand procession carrying
the jewels to the palace.
The whole city stops to watch.
No one has ever seen anything like it.
When the sultan sees them,
his jaw hits the floor.
Vector: That is a serious
medical condition.
Spark: It's an expression, Vector.
It just means he's so amazed
his mouth is hanging open.
Vector: I knew that.
Griffin: Right.
So the sultan looks at Aladdin and
bellows, " Let's waste no time.
The royal wedding will be tomorrow.
Spark: Yes, now we're talking.
And they live happily ever after.
The end.
Griffin: Yeah, nope.
Aladdin is thrilled, but he realizes he
needs a place to live with the princess.
So that night, he uses the lamp
genie to build the most magnificent
palace anyone has ever seen.
It's made of brilliant white marble
with windows of diamonds and rubies,
And it appears overnight, right
across from the Sultan's palace.
Spark: No one has any
questions about that?
Griffin: Nope, no questions.
The next day, the wedding happens.
Aladdin, dressed in royal clothes and
with a full genie makeover, arrives
at the palace looking pretty fresh.
Vector: Surely he has
been buttered thoroughly.
Griffin: The princess
doesn't recognize Aladdin.
He looks totally different, and
there's this regal maturity about him.
She finds him charming and delightful.
They get married with a huge celebration.
Aladdin brings the princess
to his magical palace.
Aladdin is kind and loving to
her, and over time, the princess
really does fall in love with him.
Years pass.
Aladdin becomes beloved by the people
because he's generous and fair.
He even leads the sultan's army to
victory in several important battles.
Aladdin has grown into a wise and
caring leader, and he and the
princess are extremely happy together.
Everything is perfect.
Spark: Wait, really?
Is this the happy ending?
The end?
Griffin: Not quite.
Remember the evil sorcerer?
Spark: Oh no
Griffin: Well, the sorcerer thought
Aladdin died in the cave years ago.
But one day, he uses his magic to check,
and he discovers Aladdin is still alive.
And not just alive, but married to the
princess, living in a magnificent palace
and famous throughout the kingdom.
The magician realizes this can only mean
one thing: Aladdin has the magic lamp.
So he comes up with an
evil plan to steal it.
Vector: Mwahaha.
Griffin: Vector, what is that?
Vector: An evil sorcerer laugh.
Griffin: Okay, no sound effects, please.
Vector: Ha.
Griffin: Vector.
A few weeks later, the sorcerer arrives
in the city disguised as a poor merchant.
He buys a bunch of shiny new lamps
and walks through the streets
shouting, " New lamps for old.
Trade your crummy old lamp for a
shiny new one." People think he's
crazy, and Aladdin is out hunting that
day, so the princess is alone in the
palace. One of her servants hears
the merchant and says, " My lady, you
know that dirty old lamp Aladdin has?
Why don't we trade it for a new one?"
The princess doesn't
know the lamp is magic.
Aladdin never told her.
She thinks it's just an old lamp,
so she says, "Sure, why not?
It'll be a fun surprise for him."
Spark: No, no, no, no, no.
Griffin: The servant brings
the old lamp to the merchant.
The sorcerer can barely
control his excitement.
He grabs the lamp, throws a new one at the
servant, and runs away cackling evilly.
That night, when everyone in the palace
is asleep, the sorcerer rubs the lamp.
The genie appears, and immediately
the sorcerer screeches, " Take this
entire palace with everyone in it and
transport it back to my homeland."
Instantly, the whole palace, with the
princess and all the servants inside,
vanishes and reappears far, far away.
The next morning, the sultan wakes up.
He looks out his window and sees nothing.
The palace is gone.
He thinks he's losing his mind.
He asks every servant, "Can you see it?"
And when they all say no, he panics.
His daughter is missing.
So he sends guards to find Aladdin,
who's just returning from a hunting trip.
To Aladdin's great surprise, the
sultan's guards arrest him and drag
him through the streets to the palace.
As a crowd gathers around, the sultan
shouts, " Where's my daughter?
What have you done with her?"
Of course, Aladdin has
no idea what's happening.
" What do you mean?
She's in our palace." " Your palace has
disappeared, along with my daughter.
What have you done? I should have you
executed for kidnapping the princess."
Spark: Whoa, take a chill pill, Sultan.
Griffin: Luckily, Aladdin has been
a pretty awesome prince, and the
people of the city love him, so they
beg the sultan not to execute him.
The sultan, seeing the people are
on Aladdin's side, agrees to give
him forty days to find the princess.
" But if you don't bring her
back, you'll be executed."
Well, Aladdin is devastated.
He figures this has something
to do with the genie, but he
doesn't know how to fix it.
He doesn't have the lamp.
So he wanders around the city
trying to think of a solution.
Desperate and hopeless, he eventually
sits by a river, wringing his hands
in despair, and accidentally rubs
the magic ring he's still wearing.
Spark: Anyone else feel like the ring
genie is totally overlooked in this story?
Like, respect the genie skills, people.
Vector: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Find out what it means to…
Griffin: Vector.
So now the ring genie appears,
and Aladdin shouts, " Bring
back my palace and my wife!"
The genie says, "I cannot.
The palace is under the
power of the lamp's genie.
I cannot undo what he has done.
He's stronger than me."
Spark: What was that, Ring Genie?
Griffin: I said he's stronger than
me, but I can take you to where
your palace is now." Aladdin says,
"Then take me there." Instantly,
he's transported to the sorcerer's
homeland right outside his own palace.
It's early morning.
Everyone's still asleep.
Aladdin sneaks to the princess's
window and taps on it.
She wakes up, throws open the window,
and gives him a long tear-filled hug.
" How did you find me?" She asks.
Aladdin explains about the lamp and
the evil sorcerer. The princess
says, "Oh, no, this might be my fault.
Technically, I gave him the lamp."
Vector: Awkward.
Spark: It's not actually her fault.
Aladdin should have told her it was magic.
Griffin: Aladdin says, "It's okay.
It's not your fault.
I should have told you it was magic.
We can fix this.
Where does the sorcerer keep the lamp?"
The princess says, "He carries it
with him in his robe. Oh, and also,
he really wants me to marry him and
forget about you. But don't worry,
I've been super mean to him this whole
time." So together, Aladdin and
Princess Badroulbador come up with a plan.
The princess will pretend she's forgiven
the sorcerer and fallen in love with him.
Then she'll invite him to
dinner and poison his wine.
Once he's dead, Aladdin and the
princess will take back the lamp
and return home, palace and all.
Spark: Whoa, that's pretty harsh.
Poison?
Griffin: Yeah, it is harsh, and I am not
condoning murder, but Aladdin is mad.
After all, this guy tried to use him
and kill him when he was a boy, and
now he's trying to steal his wife.
So that evening, the princess puts on
her most beautiful clothes and smiles
at the sorcerer for the first time.
" I've been foolish," she says.
"Aladdin is gone, and you are here." She
moves closer to him, reaching out to
twirl his pointy soul patch on her finger.
Spark: OMG, no.
Vector: Barf.
I am barfing.
Okay, I would be barfing if I could barf.
Griffin: The princess says, "Let's have
dinner together and celebrate." The
sorcerer skips through the palace
gleefully, cackling slightly as he goes.
A few hours later, he arrives
at dinner in his finest robes.
His soul patch is oiled
into a fine, shiny point.
Spark: Do you really have to?
Griffin: Sorry.
The servants put out a decadent feast,
and the princess herself pours them each
a glass of wine, and then she waits.
But the sorcerer isn't drinking.
He's too busy blabbering.
" Oh, Princess, I knew you'd come
to see that I'm actually a really
great guy, the greatest perhaps,
and that Aladdin, so obnoxious.
And I heard he smells like cabbage.
Is that true?" Well, after a few minutes
of this, the princess has heard enough.
She cuts in.
" Uh, yeah, totally right.
Let's, uh, just chug this wine, you
know, to celebrate." And so they each
drain their glasses of wine, and as
soon as the sorcerer sets down his cup,
he keels over, completely stone dead.
Vector: Oh, snap.
Griffin: Right away, Aladdin,
who's been hiding just outside,
rushes in, reaches into the
sorcerer's robe, and takes the lamp.
He rubs it and commands that the palace be
immediately returned to its original spot.
Back in China, the princess
explains everything to her father.
Aladdin's fake uncle, who's
actually a sorcerer, the genies
of the lamp and the ring, and the
kidnapping of the entire palace.
The sultan can hardly believe
what he's hearing, but once the
princess finishes explaining, he
lets out a big sigh of relief.
He's just happy the ordeal is over.
He also apologizes to Aladdin
for almost having him killed.
Spark: Nice.
So now everybody lives happily ever after.
The end.
Right?
Right?
Griffin: Well, almost.
You see, the sorcerer actually has
a younger brother who's even more
powerful and evil, and this guy
has a full goatee that he has grown
long and waxed into an evil point.
Spark: Oh, no.
Vector: Ah yes, the final boss.
Griffin: And when this guy
hears about what happened to
his brother, he swears revenge.
So he cooks up an evil plan and
travels to China disguised as a
famous holy woman named Fatima.
Vector: Wait, but what
about his evil beard?
Griffin: Oh yeah, he shaves
that, but he fully plans on
growing it back when he's done.
So he arrives in Aladdin in
Princess Badroulbador's city
and goes around pretending to be
Fatima by performing fake miracles.
When the princess hears Fatima
is in town, she says, "We should
invite her to bless our palace."
And so they do.
Once inside the palace, the disguised
sorcerer makes a big show of
muttering all kinds of fake blessings.
Finally, he looks at the princess
and says, " What this place really
needs in order to be truly blessed
for the rest of time is a nice big
roc's egg to hang in the banquet hall.
That would really tie this place together.
You know, from a blessing standpoint."
Spark: What's a roc's egg?
Griffin: Oh, yeah.
A roc is a giant mythical bird.
According to legends, they were so
big and so fierce they could carry
off and eat fully grown elephants.
Vector: That would make a big omelet.
Griffin: Yep.
Anyhow, Aladdin and the
princess trust Fatima.
After all, she's famous.
So Aladdin goes to his chambers, rubs the
lamp, and asks the genie for a roc's egg.
The genie is not happy.
He roars, " How dare you ask me for this?
The roc is my master's master.
You want me to bring her egg and hang
it in your palace like a decoration?
Normally, I would kill you and
everyone around you instantly.
But I know you've been tricked.
That holy woman in your palace is
actually a sorcerer, the brother
of that other dude you poisoned.
This is part of his plot to kill you
and take the lamp." Aladdin, with
his head spinning, thanks the Genie
and apologizes for offending him.
Vector: A doctor should look
at his spinning head issue.
Spark: It just means he's
confused and overwhelmed.
Vector: Right.
Sorry.
Continue.
Griffin: Once the genie returns the
lamp, Aladdin sits down to think.
He knows that as long as the
sorcerer is alive, then he and
the princess will be in danger.
So he goes downstairs, finds the princess,
and says, "I have a terrible headache.
Please send me Fatima.
Maybe she can cure me." When
the sorcerer, dressed like Fatima,
shows up, he's a little surprised
that Aladdin is still alive.
He figured the genie would have
slingshotted him into outer
space or exploded him into a
million pieces or something.
But he figures it's no problem.
When he gets close to Aladdin, he'll
stab him with his dagger, steal the
lamp, and live happily ever after.
Thinking about this little plan, he
cackles as he approaches Aladdin.
Vector: Mwa-ha-ha.
Griffin: Vector.
But before he can even reach for
his dagger, Aladdin jumps at him
with his dagger, stabs him in the
heart, and kills him instantly.
Spark: Okay, wow.
Griffin: Yeah, and the princess
is completely horrified.
She thinks Aladdin killed poor old Fatima.
Vector: Is it courteous in human culture
to alert your partner when you are
planning to commit a surprising and
horrifying murder in front of their eyes?
Griffin: I think it is, Vector.
I think it is.
In any case, now Aladdin pulls
off the sorcerer's disguise and
explains, " This was never Fatima.
Remember that evil sorcerer who
kidnapped you and the entire
palace and then we poisoned him?
Well, this was his even more evil and even
more powerful little brother, and he was
here to kill us." And so, Aladdin and
Princess Badroulbador rejoice at finally
being free from the threat of creepy
evil sorcerers with bad facial hair.
Spark: Okay, now is it a happy ending?
Griffin: Now it's a happy ending.
Aladdin and the princess
live long, happy lives.
Eventually, when the sultan
dies, Aladdin becomes sultan.
He rules wisely and generously,
only using the lamp genie when he
really needs to do something good.
Spark: What about the ring genie?
Still no one cares about the ring genie?
Griffin: Oh yeah, and the ring genie.
Anyway, he and the princess have
many children and grandchildren, and
they all live happily ever after.
The end.
Spark: Wow, that story
had so much chaos energy.
Like, no one can even remember
the ring genie exists.
Vector: And the murder,
there is so much murder.
Is murder customary in human culture?
Griffin: Yeah.
But one reason I like this story is
'cause it doesn't fit neatly into a box.
A lot of kids' stories we know have
a super clear moral message, like be
kind, don't lie, love always beats hate.
But here, things are murkier.
Vector: So did this story teach
us anything useful about humans?
Spark: Hmm, I think it shows
that humans are complicated.
Aladdin makes terrible
choices and good choices.
He's lazy and brave.
He's generous and selfish.
People aren't simply good or bad.
They're messy and contradictory.
Griffin: I agree, Spark.
And maybe that's why this
story has lasted 300 years.
It doesn't give us easy answers.
Vector: Plus, we learn that human
names have always been lame.
Griffin: Yes, Vector, that too.
Vector: It would have been objectively
cooler to call this story Optimus
Robo Blaster 2000 and the Magic Lamp.
Spark: That would be a terrible name.
What are you even talking about?
Griffin: Make sure you come back for
the next episode, another classic told
like you've never heard it before.
Spark: What is it?
What is it?
Griffin: Rapunzel.
Spark: I love that one.
Griffin: To make sure you don't
miss it, hit follow wherever you're
listening, and the next episode of
Stories for Robots will automatically
drop into your feed next week.
Spark: Oh, also don't forget to
share the show with your friends.
Vector: Yes, hire a skywriting plane
or get a large Stories for Robots
tattoo and other normal human things.
Spark: And give us a five-star
rating on Spotify or Apple.
It helps other families find us.
Griffin: Stories for Robots
was created, performed, and
produced by me, Griffin Schwed.
Special thanks to Jack, Chloe,
and Annie Farber for editorial
consultation and moral support.
If you'd like to support or
learn more about the show,
visit www.storiesforrobots.com.
Email hello@storiesforrobots.com
if you have questions,
feedback, or ideas for the show.
I'd love to hear from you.
Spark: Vector, what would
you do if you had a genie?
Vector: Well, I don't need
one because I'm perfect.
Griffin: At least you're confident.
Vector: But I would probably get
gold plating and laser cannon arms.
Spark: I would probably travel the world.
Vector: Boring.
Once you've seen humans in one
place, you've seen them everywhere.
Robot disclosure.
My voice and Spark's voice
are given a beautiful robot
makeover using AI technology.
That is why we sound so cool and good.
Spark: We really do.
Oh, and the background music
was also created using AI tech.