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Papa Blaze does not accept promises. Tanhauser puts his own left hand on the altar; Rahua swears off ever holding a blade again. The fire-power's blessing lands on their shoulders just as three furious Black Papacy bishops float through the wall.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: Pathfinder Second Edition
Creators and Guests
Host
Host
Guest
Guest
Guest
What is Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration?
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
That sounds like something a vampire would say.
ASL, doesn't that stand for...
Ah, scream loudly!
Baldrick's the main character, you heard it here first.
I am going to lop off my left hand.
Oh my god!
I only speed Draconic, Strix, and Radical.
As the 11th level Mega Party is defeated by a f***ing door.
Who's ready for another exciting episode of Rock Rhymes?
It's okay, Speaker.
I didn't leave you alone that time.
Yay.
I didn't.
The apartment walls will hold today.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to another exciting episode of Rock Rhymes.
Just quick things, as you're listening to us.
First off, thanks for sharing the show around.
Thanks for that.
Thank you so much for going over to your buddies and shoving your phone in their face.
Like, you know, there's people who are like, hey, look at my kids.
And you, like, shove their phone in their faces.
Like, now you do that with our show.
We appreciate that.
Thank you so much.
We're the kids.
That's just for the word that we exist.
But, of course, we have a bunch of our amazing players here.
We have to go for time because we had a bunch of technical issues before our stream today.
But, of course, we have Odo playing Venus Washbunk.
We have our awesome Hulky doing Rahula.
We have Speaker doing Tanhauser.
We have Salty Bank playing Stont.
Also, maybe an old favorite of yours is now coming back, you know, maybe later.
Then, of course, I am playing Ornn, the Strict Summoner.
We got our amazing Game Master Thurston here coming back with us for another amazing adventure.
And, Thurston, what adventures have we been on and what do you have in store for us?
Well, in this arc of the campaign, you've gone to the strange land of Golgotha, the wasteland origin homeland of Tanhauser.
There, you had a brief stint as retail workers before venturing off into the wasteland to take on one of the great citadel, I guess, city-states, citadel states of Golgotha to wrest it from control of its leading general.
Which you did at the end of last session, after a momentous attack on the citadel, after raising, essentially, an army of people and dregs of society and revolutionaries alike.
You besieged the citadel, eventually fighting the totally not Baron Harkonnen leader that you, that I blame, that I blame Speaker and Zoran for their dune fixation at that time.
I'm sorry. Speaking of jokes, it's so funny. We had to keep doing it.
See, I don't get any blame, even though I did three dune references in that run by making Ornithopter fall in and all those.
Oh, you don't get to blame for the, because you added to it. You were fine.
No, no, no. These people just, yeah, you get a thumbs up.
They, they just were like, this character, this, this boss, it's just Baron Harkonnen.
They made me add, like, a little nothing burger secondary boss to it.
Say it, Zoran. You know you want to.
You know you want to.
Piter.
Piter.
They killed me, Piter.
I would never love my Twinks again, Piter.
Or it's Titer. We need him Titer.
For tub guy.
Sorry.
Titer.
But the guy's my parent.
No, that's all I had to say.
Okay.
I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you the floor.
I'm just, I refuse to take the blame for, for, for Titer, right?
I was, I was part of that, but I was not the progenitor whatsoever.
That was all you.
I will take, I will take credit for Titer.
And, of course, there was tub guy.
Titer.
Titer.
I love Titer.
I need you to stop saying that.
I'm going back into muting now.
I was wondering.
I was like, how long can he hold?
How long can he hold?
Really testing his willpower here.
My best.
But of course.
And, and, and following the defeat of the general,
Tannhauser had a, a raw emotional feeling,
knowing that the object that you're searching for here,
that sort of elemental conduit item that you know you need to collect from across time,
it, it is in this area, but it is deep below, deep into the earth.
Which was convenient, because there was an elevator, which you stepped on.
And that is where we begin our session.
Stepping onto an elevator, into the darkness.
Tannhauser, I'm scared of the darkness.
For how long has this been a character trait?
We've been in plenty of dark places, and you've never expressed this in the past.
But I, you know, I would just be trying to, you know, be, be brave in front of you.
Don't have to pretend to be Oren.
I know you're Oren.
You just, it's just like we've been, when was the last time we were in darkness?
I was.
Actually, every single time we've been in darkness,
whenever you turn on your flashlight eyes.
Shut the hell up, Oren.
Okay.
Yeah, really, honestly, you're detracting from everybody else here.
I'm going to cast light from my eye, Tannhauser, and I only have one of them.
Listen, it takes a lot of power.
I can only do it for a little bit.
It doesn't.
You just do this.
Rahua just snaps his fingers.
I cast light.
It's that easy.
Can you please have Dark Souls elevator sound plays this whole time?
Kachunk, kachunk, kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.
Can you have Rahua have, like, that beaded, like, string, like, coming under,
like, out of his mouth and from the bottom part?
So he just, and then you just turn on the light.
That's his uvula.
That's his uvula.
How many pulls does it require for you until the fan stops in Rahua's head?
It's never one.
It's never one pull.
It's deterministic.
It might happen on one.
It might happen on three million.
You just kind of have to see what happens day by day.
If that fan stops, he dies instantly.
No, you cannot rush him.
I see.
He instantly moves on.
You should get a new computer.
Well, should we get a new cleric?
Damn, dude.
No.
No.
No.
Our cleric wants to jump a horse.
Kachunk, kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.
The elevator continues.
Keep going.
It's not the character.
That's because.
Oh, I'm sorry, Bodrick.
Were you saying something?
Yo?
Yo.
We just had a whole section when we were in a general store.
And if you wanted a torch, you could have gotten a torch.
And how, sir?
Snot puts a long orangutan-esque arm onto his shoulder.
It's just a long orangutan.
How does that work?
She's small-sized, but she has long arms.
So she just puts a hand on his shoulder and looks up at him and goes,
That was like a month ago.
No, it wasn't.
That was several...
That was a day...
How long ago was it?
Everything is...
It's 14 years.
Dude, we've been out in the desert for quite some time now.
How long have we been in this elevator?
Uh, it feels like it's been about 20 years, but I think it's been about 30 seconds.
Oh my god, is that Horace Lupercal?
Not again.
I was there.
Wrong show.
No, no, no, that's a Boris fan.
Wrong show.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
Not again.
This is going to be a test for a session where I could just GM by making elevator sounds.
Keep going.
Well, if you think about it, I had...
I got to repair my mech.
I got to have a nap.
I found a snack.
This elevator has been going on for quite some time.
Speaking of, Mr. Tenhouser, what are we going to find down here?
Well, we are currently plummeting into the depths of the Black Papacy.
At least that's what I suspect.
These are sub-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk.
Yeah, shut up!
These are subterranean.
It's actually a guy on the side operating the elevator who's making the ka-chunk sounds.
He does.
What's your name?
Ka-chunk.
Ka-chunk!
First name is Carl.
Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, because he falls down.
Last name, Chaunk.
These are subterranean vampires
that lead an insidious cult
to keep the slaves of Golgotha in line.
And we are likely plummeting straight into the midst
of the true rulers of this citadel.
I thought that was a myth.
No, they have an embassy.
They're everywhere.
It's not a myth.
I thought it was a myth.
Yeah, I've never seen a real vampire before.
Well, you're going to.
Wait, yes, who did?
Well, you did.
Well, actually, technically, it was a fake vampire
that you saw.
When we went to...
You know, back when we were under the...
The last time we were underground...
Yeah.
...and weren't scared.
Yeah?
I mean, I'm always scared.
Well, you should really...
At this point, why are you scared of anything?
You killed so many people.
I'm scared of losing you guys as my friends.
Oh, well, now I feel like the bad guy.
You kind of are.
I'm sorry, Tannhauser.
That's why my archetype for this party is healer.
I didn't want to hear it from you, snot,
but you know what?
I'm sorry, Ruhua.
Wait, you're not.
I mean, apology accepted.
Kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.
Why?
I'm fucking sitting here with my head in one hand.
I'm just sitting here like,
did you fuckers miss me?
Like, has it been this bad?
Who's that?
Who's that voice?
Nippy Nights.
He's not revealed.
His voice is...
His voice is...
You know what, Tannhauser?
I forgive you.
You made me waste a spell slot on you
a couple sessions ago,
and you know what?
I was really chewing on that for quite some time.
Why aren't you a horse anymore, by the way?
I don't know.
How could you do that whole horse thing?
Ruhua looks down at his hands.
I'm a horse where it counts, Tannhauser.
Don't ever say that.
On the inside, I wish I was still a horse.
You think I'm talking about...
Kachunk, kachunk.
Here's a new idea.
Why don't we all stop talking?
None of you deserve sponsorship.
Wall.
No, even me?
Well, you're pretty cool, Veena.
Yay.
This elevator is tearing us apart.
We all can't complain to your address.
Wait a minute.
Is that a feature of the Black Papacy?
Is there some kind of gas in the air
that makes us argue?
No, we finally got to talk to each other,
and now it's not working.
Wait, you know, Veena,
that's actually a very good point.
I think that's why they call it Argon.
Oh, I push Ruhua off the elevator.
Ruhua, you fall two feet
as the elevator finishes.
It's the center of Kachunk.
I don't care.
Oh, damn.
Fight yourselves.
I told you, wait.
Wait, wait.
I need to get stuck on that.
Veena, that was really fucked up.
You could have killed that guy.
Nah, he's been through worse.
Also, it's the captain.
That guy.
It's true.
What's his name?
I was a horse.
Well, that's Ruhua.
So, that's the captain.
Ruhua sticks his eye on him.
Hello, I'm Ruhua.
Yeah, he says.
Hi, I'm Kachunk.
I push Kachunk.
How are you alive?
Been here the whole time.
I make the sound effects
and I rotate the thing.
That's fantastic.
Then you can tell us.
Where are we?
We're on a very serious
and dramatic mission.
Oran raises a hand.
Can I ask him a question?
Yes.
Mr. Kachunk?
Yes?
Do you think elevators
should be ran by man or machine?
I'm going to get you.
I'm going to get you, Burrboy.
Oh, that's a good question.
As a person who operates an elevator on my own,
I do think that sometimes an elevator
should be operated by a person.
Or at least regularly inspected by one
to ensure that it won't just kill people randomly.
That's a tragedy.
Can I use a hero point
to declare a narrative declaration?
Yes, sure.
I don't even know what it is.
I'm already excited.
Awesome, cool.
Kachunk is a flesh warp
that is pressed underneath this elevator.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
Yeah.
He's like a giant ring.
Yeah.
No, no.
He's like an ooze morph type thing.
Yeah, and he extends.
Yeah.
And shifts down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's like a massive human worm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like in Dune.
I better go get a scotch.
Like in Dune.
Like in Dune.
I guess worms in Dune don't talk.
Wait, hold on a second.
Who's talking anymore?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's some kind of flesh elevator.
After getting his answer,
Oren will come up to the rest of the party
and be like,
well, I've never faced any vampires before,
but I don't know what quite to expect,
but I just want to make sure everyone's all topped off.
During this time,
I'd like to assume I've helped heal everybody
and bandage everyone up
and give them worms
and make everyone all healed up
and ready for the next encounter.
Oh, Zoran, real quick.
Chat's reminding me
I have to take a hero point away from Rahua.
Please do that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, why am I losing a hero point?
Because you did something in a prior session
in chat's reminding me
and I trust chat implicitly.
Hey, what did you like to know, horse boy?
Damn.
You're not recovering from that one, okay?
I would like to posit.
I raised my little stump arm.
Take your solid legs.
I would like to posit
that people really like to gaslight me
and I think chat's lying.
Ooh.
Chat, are you going to take that
from this fucking,
from this,
this fucking asshole?
Wow.
Law and order,
Dun-Dun.
All right.
Speaker,
I think Rahua
has neither of those.
Neither of what?
Fucking her asshole?
Yeah.
True.
Well, he did,
he,
he,
confirmed.
He did that,
that sentence earlier
that,
did imply
the presence
of horse-like
on the inside.
On the inside.
So it's internal,
but that doesn't stop it
from existing.
No, he said it.
Rahua turns away
from the party.
I want to shut up.
No, no, no.
Chat's reminded me.
You brought up something
to do with the fucking
cutie mark last session.
You,
yeah, you're,
yeah.
That's,
that's what chat says.
It sounds familiar too.
I don't remember that at all.
You know what?
I'm trusting this one person
in chat.
You know what?
You know what?
Yes,
in my notes here,
um,
Rahua,
we discussed what Rahua
had as a cutie mark,
and I know that I
did,
uh,
exclaim that
it should be,
uh,
the anarchy symbol.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
I really just have to imagine
in my heart of hearts
that Salty,
as you said,
uh,
in my notes,
we were,
we discussed what
Rahua's cutie mark would be,
but that's the moment
Erndel sat back down
and started pouring the drink.
Almost certainly.
Absolutely.
That's.
Well,
Erndel can have
all the rights to complain.
He shouldn't have left
the campaign
allowed me to slip in here.
I was overseas.
I had no say in the matter.
He didn't leave,
he was on vacation.
I was on vacation,
and the thing I learned
from this vacation
is I should never
take vacations.
What is a vacation,
if not a tactical leave?
Yeah,
one might say that,
Hulky,
you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
I'm looking at you.
I'm looking at you,
boy.
You know what I'm talking about.
I know you're looking at me.
I told you
that you were going to have
a good time in Serbia,
but no,
you just didn't want to listen.
Togo is on your head.
I don't think we're allowed
to talk about Togo.
We're not.
I don't think we are.
I think he should be shot.
I agree.
Speaking of getting shot.
We're going to get shot
by some vampires.
So,
what can we expect
from this Black Papacy?
And especially,
where do you think
they have
the stake for Papa,
or not Papa Storm,
that's a different one,
for Uncle Blaze?
Well,
if I had to guess,
we are likely
to be facing
their hordes
of
deranged
acolytes.
We can expect
numbers,
most likely.
What a single
powerful entity
at its circle.
I admit,
I did not
interface much
with the Black Papacy,
and any who are wise
in Golgotha
will do the same.
They are dark,
mysterious,
and tolerated
only by the whims
of Lord Golgotha
himself.
That sounds
like something
a vampire
would say.
Is this
real?
Is this real?
Are you doing this?
It did bring us
to the vampire's air.
Where on my body?
Where on my body?
Where on my body?
I take off the hose.
Orin,
like,
takes his hand
and, like,
shoves the mask
back on.
I was like,
let's not do that.
Oh, yeah,
I'm just saying.
I'm like,
oh,
where do I suck
the blood?
I don't,
I don't have that.
Suck!
That's a myth.
Vampires scrape
and then they lick.
What?
I,
well,
where's my tongue?
Dude in the hall
will presumably,
I don't want to know.
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
Suck!
I just turn her helmet
around the other way
so that the eye holes
are on the back of her head
and then I keep walking.
I have been forsaken.
I'm gone.
The light!
The light!
Around,
around you is a,
is a stone
sort of facade here.
It looks like it's been
carved expertly
with dark stone.
However,
up ahead is what can
only be described
as a fluorescent
pink glow
that permeates
through cracks
in the walls
and what appear
to be windows
installed at regular
points to admit
light in.
Where does the light
come from?
She says
as she
corrects her helmet.
That's a great question.
Uh,
are there any,
like,
fluorescent,
like,
mushrooms
or anything nearby?
Any alternative
sources of light?
A nuclear
radioactive sight?
No,
it just,
it just
seems to be glowing
from within
the walls.
Ornn
might to do
a perception check
along with
Gorgomonger.
Sure.
Can I do
a crafting check?
Yeah.
It's awesome.
Ornn rolls
and gets
a 30
on the die
and also,
if you're wondering,
by the way,
what,
there's no 3D
dice rolling,
I decided to break it.
So,
we'll get that fixed
next episode.
Don't worry.
Yeah,
everything went wrong
today in terms of tech,
so we do apologize.
Uh,
so if you're watching
this,
going like,
why is it just
stuff as it was?
That,
it,
everything broke,
so we do apologize.
And Gorgomonger
got a 20
on the die.
Or got a 20
total
for perception.
Ornn,
as you're looking
at this light,
what you're able
to detect
is that
it's,
the light isn't
constant.
It's like there's
movement
in the light
as though
the light
were being
strained
through,
like,
a fluid
or something
along those lines.
Can I,
um,
like,
suddenly want to do
a crafting check.
I don't want to stop
that first.
Uh,
after a salty crafting check,
I would like to do a nature
to kind of determine,
like,
are we in a fluid tank
of some sort,
you know?
Okay.
Give me,
give me that crafting check.
Yeah.
Uh,
yeah.
So I also have,
just in case it might be useful,
I have a crafter's appraisal
allowing me to identify
at least magical items,
uh,
with a crafting check
if need be,
in case you want to
fluff that in some kind of way.
I also remember
have Lord Goblin,
Golgoth,
and Warfare,
uh,
but I will roll
my crafting check
and I roll
a total
of 29
because I got
a 7.
It's,
it's enough
to,
to confirm
that whatever
this substance is,
which you can't
quite identify,
there is
some kind
of fluid
moving through
the walls here
that's emanating
this,
this illumination.
Wall.
As Oren's looking around,
he's like,
I think we're,
I,
I think we're in a
ball of goop.
That's a 23
on the nature chain.
If we all had an alchemist
or something around us,
that would be super useful.
23 is not quite enough
Oren to let you know
what this is.
This is,
this is incredibly weird
and off-putting.
Like,
yeah,
and the,
the way that it's moving,
it's,
it could be a natural phenomenon
in the walls,
it could be like part of some,
some larger sort of apparatus here
that's not natural,
you're just not sure.
Yeah.
Or at least the,
but it's very off-putting
now that you know
that the light is like,
has this filter in,
like,
you can almost see the,
the light undulating.
But I take a,
take a look at it
with a,
um,
uh,
arcane.
Or absolutely.
Uh,
occultism would be.
All right,
let's rock.
That is a 32.
There is often
a,
a,
a thing
associated with Golgotha,
a,
a,
a resource,
a lifeblood,
if you will,
um,
which is used
as a trading commodity.
Um,
it's,
you know,
thought to be more akin
to gasoline.
Or,
you know,
the black blood
blood of Golgotha,
um,
this might be the progenitor
of that truth.
This almost takes some of the,
sort of,
embellished versions
of, like,
Golgothan oil,
and makes them strangely real.
I see.
So what I'm staring at right now
is earth blood.
No way.
That's right.
No way.
I've seen things called people
car over flood.
That stuff's,
like,
that stuff's burns.
That stuff burns.
That stuff's put in fuel tanks.
It doesn't move
like this
unless something's in it.
part of me
is curious enough
to want to fling
a match into this.
Uh,
the other part of me
is smart enough
not to,
uh,
do that.
But I do think
about it at least.
It would be really funny,
right?
A related question.
Uh,
what's your backup character like?
Yeah,
uh,
well,
you know,
I'm sure we'll figure out
if I fling a match into this.
Hey,
thanks for playing Rucker
and everybody.
I can see the comments
already.
God,
who would have thought
that they would have ended
their show
in a message
about fossil fuels?
God.
True.
Then it,
afterwards,
it will just be
Balin,
a Baldrick adventure
where all of us
play support characters
to Baldrick.
I don't think,
I don't think Baldrick
can carry it on his own.
I need other,
I need people
who are convincing
and entertaining people
to be around
the void of charisma
that is Baldrick.
They're all just
other characters
with different shaped
bucket helmets.
Yeah,
all those wanted posters
actually were real.
There was the triangle guy
and the circle guy.
I'm going back
to the cellar.
Get me out of here.
So,
Oren kind of like
begins to walk forward
at this point.
He's kind of like
in wonderment
looking all around.
He's like,
wow.
You know,
since he hasn't
detected any vampires
with his Gorgomonger
and Orenvision,
he's just like,
he's like,
I wonder what they do
down here,
Mr. Chanhouser.
Nothing good.
I can tell you that
for free.
You know what?
If this is really
his earthblood,
she walks up
to one of the windows
and just puts a hand
on it,
is it like warm?
It's not warm,
but you can almost
feel like a pulsing sound.
Or sensation,
I should say.
She pulls her hand away
really quick
and goes,
if all of this
is real earthblood
and I don't know
the purity of it,
but if it's like
real,
real good stuff.
She turns to like,
Oren
and then to Veena
and then
she doesn't look
at Chanhouser
for too long.
She understands
that he knows.
Like,
this amount
could like,
buy
a city-state
on its own
easy
and then
fuel it.
This is like,
not life-changing
amounts of it
for one person.
This is like,
life-changing amounts
for thousands
of people.
perhaps once
we've eliminated
whoever dwells
down here,
we can send
this to the rebels
and use it
to fund
our various
revolutionary
activities.
Who knew
that fracking
would be the
hero of this story?
That's what
I'm always saying.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
I think it
odd there's
nobody inside
that's basically
a place of
worship that
it seems.
Oren approaches
the altar
itself,
motioning everyone
forward.
So to give
some background
as you're
traveling through
here,
it's not like
this is just
a single
large area.
This is
multiple tunnels.
You're passing
through various
sort of
open sites
that appear
to be
worshiping areas.
So there are
stone pews,
but it's not
one central area.
You're going
down a hall
and there's
dozens of
these empty,
almost church-like
mega rooms.
So,
Tanny.
Yes?
Are there
supposed to be
people here?
I would
imagine so,
but there
isn't,
is
notable
and disturbing.
Should we
call out?
Hey,
Tannhazard,
give me a
fortitude save.
Yeah,
you got it,
boss.
Thanks.
Here we go,
37.
Nice.
You feel this,
like,
slight
chest pain.
You kind of
recoil a bit.
Doesn't hurt,
just like a
sudden shock.
As you feel
a similar sensation
to when you
arrived in
Golgotha,
this sort of
pull
from the
main arterial
hall
that heads
further into
this sort of
fluo-pink
dark-lit
darkness.
But
deeper down,
you can
sense
something is
pulling at you.
There's something
in this room.
Something pulling
at me.
Something dark.
Where in the room
about,
do you think,
I can,
can I sense
this bullshit
happening?
It's,
it's like,
it's like down
this main
arterial hall.
So all of these
little sub-chapels
and whatnot
are off of this
hall.
Like,
going down
the main
hall,
which is
going far
off into,
into darkness,
um,
is,
is where
you feel
this,
this pull.
There's something
waiting for us
down the end
of that hallway.
Oh.
All right.
like good
or like bad?
Like bad.
Oh,
no.
I don't like that.
No,
I'm not a fan
of it either.
Well,
regardless,
we're all here,
well,
we're all here
together.
We can take it on.
Well said.
Let us away
and I will,
uh,
begin,
uh,
leading the charge
down the
evil hallway.
All right.
You very
quickly dip
into one
of the
side rooms,
the like
offshoots
of the
main arterial
hallway.
Um,
and it's
going to try
to be a
little stealthy
with it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Give me,
uh,
give me a
stealth check.
That's a,
I'll give you
a 23.
That's not
very good.
Yeah.
You have
this weird
feeling that
even though
you're alone
in these,
these like
these side
rooms that
you're kind
of maneuvering
through,
you,
you feel
like you're
being watched.
EBG
peace.
Tenhauser,
you continue
to lead the
way until
you find
at the end
of the
hall.
And
this,
this site
sort of sets
you back
because you're
not sure
what to do.
there's a
vast
stone
door
that is
sealed shut.
It's
probably
20 feet
tall
and
perhaps
15 to
20 feet
wide.
It's
engraved
with
tiny sigils
and then
sort of a
mosaic
around it
that depicts
what appears
to be like
a darkened
sun.
The
doorway
itself
doesn't have
any of the
sort of
pink neon
glow,
but around
it does,
which sort
of almost
by proximity
illuminates
some of
the crevices
and runes
in the door
with side
light that
makes them
seem to
glow even
though they
aren't.
is there
a
is it
legible
what's
engraved
in the
door?
Um,
it is
it is
some
kind
of
ancient
like
runic
form
some
magical
script
perhaps.
Um,
I guess
do any
of you
speak
necrol?
Ooh.
Necro?
No.
Not in this
campaign.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
not.
Okay.
I only
speak
draconic
strix
and
radical.
Radical.
Radical.
Crackatola,
dude.
Crackatola.
Hell yeah.
That's what
happens when
he's kicked
the table
at night.
Well,
you know
what is
what's
noting?
Oh,
no,
mate.
I got
that
finally.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
nothing in
the
background.
I'm
like,
fuck you,
dude.
Hey,
good job
being on point
on that,
by the way.
There is no
stop.
Good job.
Bruh,
get a hero
point.
Let's go.
Get a hero
point back.
It's not
a break.
Thank you.
Go.
No,
you're fine.
I will
say at
the start
of this
campaign,
I asked
Thurston,
hey,
what languages
are like
common to
Golgotha?
And he said,
you don't need
to worry
about that.
And I have
like five
unallocated
languages.
You know,
speaking of
unallocated
languages,
I do
have
two other
unallocated
languages
after I
recently.
This is
like the
third time
you've pulled
this at this
campaign.
Well,
you've never
made me
allocate them.
Takes
off
glasses.
Stares
at you.
Stares
into your
soul.
I'm
looks at
speaker D.
I'm
going to be
on speaker
side,
actually.
Yeah.
Because
the problem
I have
with Raku
is because
by the time
you get to
that point
of like
what language
should be
affected,
you're like,
ah,
fuck.
Yeah.
I will
also say
it's hard
to be
predictable.
If he
is studying
these guys,
if there
is a
language
that he
should have
studied,
it is the
language of
his enemies.
That's true.
At that end,
Dinosaur,
which I did
learn at the
beginning of
this.
I mean,
knew all along.
That one,
though.
That one's
already been,
that one's,
I'm sorry,
but you can't
take that
away from me.
Yeah.
Thurston,
kill this
guy.
Yeah.
True.
Then resurrect
him as a
vampire.
Then kill
him again.
The fuckers
have hero points.
The creases
J's.
Yeah,
but we
don't want
to use
them.
Okay.
Well,
then don't
read it,
though.
I get
back,
and I have
to endure
watching this.
You don't
get back!
You're not
back!
People pay
for this!
I grab
Speaker very
tightly,
and his head
turns into a
crushed match
stick.
I need you
to understand,
I can't do
this.
I'm going
to explode.
I have to
say something
occasionally.
And head
over.
Goodbye.
Press the
button.
Erdil,
I pass you
my iconic
Rahua crack
pipe,
and I
encourage you
to take
a hit.
What did
that look
like?
You need,
you guys need
to just,
you guys need
to just,
you would
kill.
So,
statistically,
most of the
party has
been at least
once.
I fully
apologize,
Thurston.
We're out of
the,
looking at
the door
with Necron
on it.
He gets
back on
track.
Sorry,
I'm sorry,
not everybody
has died.
I think
that Death's
George,
Vina over
here,
is an
outlier and
should not
be counted.
Oh,
shit.
Oh,
fuck.
I
misread how
the spell
works.
I actually
can't use
it at all.
Uh-oh.
Never mind.
What?
Okay.
I was gonna
use safe
passage,
and I was
like,
oh,
cool.
I'll use
safe passage
and make
it 10-foot-wide,
10-foot-tall,
60-foot-long
section of
terrain that's
safe to
travel through.
But I
realized it
just makes
that section
of that
safe to
travel through,
and it
doesn't make
a little
hole in
the wall
like I
thought it
did,
so it
would not
help in
this case.
Yeah,
you're gonna
need some
way to
get through
this door.
An
explosive
expert would
have been
really useful
right here.
Yes,
if only we knew
someone like
that.
And like
someone with
alchemy could
probably figure
out what all
this earth blood
is all about,
right?
Probably,
yeah.
I hand
snot a
pickaxe.
Time to
get chipping.
Okay,
boss,
and I
start chipping
away at
the door.
Do I
see if
there is
like a,
like,
is the
door locked
or is
it,
like,
sealed
shut?
It's,
it's sealed.
There's not
like a lock
on it.
It's just
like closed
shut.
Could I,
could I
use
thievery
to
look for
a place
on this
door where
I could
find an
angle,
you know,
find a
place where
I could
slot
something in
or just
a place
to push
to open
this door.
Yeah,
roll.
Can I do
the same
with crafting?
Yeah.
Can I roll
the stair
at the door?
I have
not rolled
above a
10.
That is
a 26.
Welcome
back,
Odo.
I also
got a 26.
You know,
I'm,
my luck's
reset.
Hold on.
Rolls
George is
coming through.
Ask
God for
help.
If it's
not a
crit,
you die.
That's
true.
Don't
worry.
I believe.
I got the
crafting check.
Hold on.
Here we go.
Craft it.
Oh,
you die.
Okay.
It's all
coming together.
It's all
coming back
to you.
That's what I
know.
You know,
the whole
program
boomerang,
when they said
the catch rate,
it's all
coming back
to you.
It took me
so long
to go,
that's what
that means.
Yeah.
Five
person I
stopped you.
Go ahead.
I just
like,
this is
the scene,
right?
Is
four people
like,
I don't
know,
hands on
their chins,
like,
looking at
this door,
like,
heads going
side to
side,
debating
how best
to,
how best
to handle
this,
this situation,
you know,
11th,
an 11th level
party stopped
by a door.
It's a big
door.
Welcome back
to Rock Grind,
everyone.
It's a door here.
It has words
on it.
I'm picking
away at it.
Yeah,
we'll get to it.
It's not,
give me a
check.
Yeah.
Got you,
boss.
Arrow total
25.
Give me a
fortitude
safe.
Heck yeah.
All right.
Fortitude
safe for
total 32.
You're,
like,
very
industrious
at this,
like,
you're,
you're,
you've got,
like,
a good,
maybe four
inches off
of this
door,
maybe.
Is there
any machinery
this deep
in?
Or is it,
like,
just stone?
It's just
stone.
And the rest
of you that
are looking
at it now
with your
various checks
are like,
hmm,
there's probably
some kind
of magical
trigger or
some magical,
like,
inlay in the
door.
And there's
probably some
magical way
to open
this.
That couldn't
possibly be true.
Snot turns around
and goes,
can I make
a,
you're going to,
you're going to
say something
first,
Snot.
Go ahead.
Yeah,
you want to
magic this up,
buddy.
I could magic it.
Can I,
can I make a
crafting check
to determine
the thickness
of the door?
Put your hand
in the hole
and it will
be so much
better.
All my work
is not for
nothing.
And she walks
out of the
hole and starts
coughing up
her black
lung.
Oh,
I,
I,
damn,
does the
door mean
I have coal?
It's all
fuel.
It's all
fuel.
It's all
fuel.
If one,
if one piece
of fire damage
is done
in this area,
we're all
dying.
it's,
it's,
it's,
it's not
her,
it's not
coal.
Her lungs
just did
that.
Oh,
okay.
That's fine.
That's,
I can live
with that.
Thurston,
can I attempt
to glean how
thick this
door actually
is?
What kind
of check
are you
going to
give me?
Uh,
I would
like to
give you,
you think
crafting would
apply here?
You know,
you already
gave me a
crafting check.
What about,
what if I
gave you,
okay.
Now it's,
it's,
it's all,
it's all
earthblood all
the way
down.
And in
a way,
it's part
of the
world.
And I
could gauge
relative
density and
thickness because
it's more
natural.
Could I
get a
nature check
perhaps?
Sorry,
sorry,
I need
to prove
the point.
Can I do
a backflip?
Can I do
a backflip?
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Give me an
acrobatics
as a fucking
door defeats
all of you.
As the
11th level
like mega
party is
defeated by
a fucking
door.
I,
to be fair
to us,
we've been
rolling really
bad.
Oh,
so bad.
Thurston,
please.
Thurston,
it's a
massive,
cool,
magical vampire
door fueled
by
room for
the vibes,
not the
obstacles.
Exactly.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Anyway,
I need to
point this
out.
I need to
point this
out.
This is,
this is me
being like
a petty
catty
bitch,
right?
Yeah.
Okay.
In
Starfinder.
Yeah.
Yes.
There's a
cantrip that
exists.
Yeah.
It's called
measure.
It's a
one action
cantrip where
you learn the
approximate
measurements of
creatures and
objects you can
observe.
That's awesome,
Thurston.
That's great.
Hey,
what does that
have to do with
the door?
Yeah.
Everyone online
is like,
this thing is
stupid.
And meanwhile,
like,
Hulkie's like,
how can I
figure out the
dimensions of
if I only
had measure?
That's right.
Could I try a
solution?
Sure.
All right.
I just want to
make sure I'm not
stepping on
anybody's toes.
Everyone's kind
of tried the
first things that
came to mind,
right?
I agree.
Please save me
from picking my
way through the
door.
Yeah,
I'm going to
spend a
hero point to
find the
service entrance.
The service
entrance?
We need
Balderback.
Take the
hero point.
Take the
hero point off
the board,
please.
Hey,
guys.
I assume,
I assume
Tannos are at
this point,
you're going to,
you're going to
start like going
in through some
of those like
side chapels
being like,
there's got to
be something I
miss.
We can't be
actually,
I would prefer
it just kind
of be in the
same room,
just a giant
glowing sign
maybe that
says like
papacy
staff only.
It's like the
OSHA mandated
exit sign
over the
emergency exit.
Yeah,
yeah,
there's like
lights actually
drawing our
attention.
We just,
we just first
looked at this
door and it
kind of captured
us.
Okay.
Okay.
This is the
worst,
best game ever.
It's,
the monkey's
paw curls.
Oh,
we are so good
at Pathfinder.
We are so good
at Pathfinder.
There's also a
door on the
service entrance.
I hope it's
thicker.
Hey,
Thurston.
Mm-hmm.
Can I,
can I step in
for a moment
here?
Please.
So,
Tannhauser,
you find the
service entrance
door,
right?
Yeah.
You see that
it has a
similar door
locking it
from the
large door,
correct?
Yeah,
someone will
have to use
their hero
point to
get rid of
that.
No,
see,
because that
door opens
from the
other side.
You,
you know,
you,
if you
figure this
out,
because on
the other
side of
that door
is Baldrick.
What are you
doing here?
I thought you
were dead.
What?
No.
Oh,
I'm sorry.
I thought you
were back
at the
airship.
Sorry,
it was the
other one.
Who's this?
Orin knocks
loudly on the
door.
Which door
are you knocking
on?
The one that
opened?
The service
entrance door
or the main
one?
The main
one.
I don't know
about that.
That's up to
Thurston at
this point.
Like,
very loud.
You can knock
on the
that's what
Baldrick you
walk out to
see is the
loud service
entrance being
banged on
by Orin.
Is Baldrick
here?
Yes,
he walks
out from
inside the
opening service
entrance.
Oh,
thank God,
Baldrick.
Yeah,
you guys
kind of left
me on the
ship for
quite a long
time.
I had to
try and find
my way down
here.
By the time
I caught up
to you,
the elevator
was already
gone.
So,
I left it
up to some
of the other
people on
board.
Hey,
yo,
you're a
goblin too?
No.
Who are
you?
It's not a
goblin.
This is
new
Baldrick.
I know
why?
Wow.
My name is
not a
goblin.
Yeah,
the ships
should be
fine for
now.
I'm just
down here
for a
quick
jaunt
because
it,
well,
I figured
you guys
might actually
need some
assistance
whatever's
going on
down here
and well,
he turns
around and
motions to
the literal
closet-sized
service entrance
that exists
here and
the room
itself is
like maybe
a 5x5x10
foot-sized
room.
And there
is a
single
vent duct
that is
lying on
the floor
from inside.
Well,
unless you
are some
kind of
alchemist
specialist
or an
explosive
guy,
I don't
know what
help you're
going to be.
None of
us can
figure
this
out.
No,
I could
do
that.
What?
Yeah,
one side.
What?
And Baldrick
steps a little
bit past
snot at
this point
and he
begins
rooting
around
in his
bag.
What are
you guys
stuck
on
here?
I can
hear you
through
the door.
I was
just kind
of waiting
for one
of you
to
approach
it.
The
big
door.
The
door,
yeah.
It's
a pretty
pernicious
heavy
door that
is
barren
enchanted
by
ancient
vampire
magic
that
frankly
it would
be
difficult
for
anyone
to
crack.
You
really
can't
blame
us
at
all.
That's
true.
All right,
so I'm
going to
clarify
something
here.
You got
held up
by this
door.
Massive
door,
yeah.
I know
it's a
massive
door,
I can
see it's
a
massive
door.
The
problem
is
it's
did
you
not
bring
anything
with
you
guys
to
open
anything
down
here?
It
doesn't
have
a
lock,
so I'm
I'm
a
limp
pass.
We
just
came
here
from
having
to
kill
a
general.
It
was
a
lot
of
work
to
get
here.
I
almost
died.
These
are
the
valid
questions
though.
Okay,
okay,
I can,
you had
a hard
time,
I'll
make
this
easy
for
you.
He
crouches
down
and
opens
up
his
pack
and
he
begins
cobbling
a few
things
together.
So what
does
this guy
do?
He's
an
alchemist.
It's
pretty
cool.
Why?
I can
hear you
talking,
you know,
this thing
does not
render me
deaf.
It
doesn't?
Oh.
Why didn't
we have
that guy?
Wait,
who has
just been
doing
ASL
for
the
entire
series
of
rock
grind
for
nothing?
His
idea,
his
idea,
like,
to his
face,
he couldn't
hear me
through the
helmet if
his flap
wasn't
facing me.
His idea
of ASL
is just
speaking.
I mean,
you know,
it works for
most people.
Why wouldn't
it work for
the deaf?
That's what
I think
Rahua
thinks.
Well,
yeah,
doesn't ASL,
doesn't that
stand for,
ah,
scream loudly!
I love you,
Hulky,
you're the best.
Thurston,
I would
like to
craft a
coring charge,
but I'm
noting that
this door
is
probably a
fair bit
thicker than
usual.
Can I
do something
to sweeten
the deal
and perhaps
craft some
kind of
better
coring charge?
Because I think
the normal one
probably won't
cut it.
Also,
we are
surrounded by
a bunch
of flammable
goo.
How do you
know it's
flammable?
They said it
was earthblood,
which is
flammable.
Baldrick,
do you want
to give me a
crafting check
on the
earthblood?
Earthblood this,
earthblood that.
Let me take a
look at this
crap.
Baldrick will
stand over
next to the
wall,
the window,
whatever we're
calling it,
and he's going
to very carefully
inspect the
thing.
I have a
question,
Thurston.
Yes.
what bonus,
do I get any
bonuses for
knowing anything
about this
kind of stuff?
Probably not
at this
juncture,
because if it
is whatever
earthblood is
specifically,
I'm just going
based off of
crafting,
right?
Yeah,
not off this
one,
but give me
the check.
Let's see how
it.
Let's see.
Let's see how
my first roll
in several
months goes.
Yay.
Oh,
no,
27.
You stare
at it.
Can I roll
it?
Actually,
I'm going to
use a hero
point to
reroll that.
You can.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Thanks.
He's got to
roll above a
20.
38.
Nice.
You stare
at it.
You see the
undulating
movements.
You recognize
the consistency
inside.
The illumination
throws off
lesser minds,
but Baldrick
is far
spirited.
Don't say
that.
You can
tell that
the
the
equations
dance to
the air
in front of
your bucket
visor.
Don't turn
me into
Benedict
Cumberbatch
Sherlock.
I'll punch
you.
At that
point,
Rahua gets
a text message
and it pops
up on the
screen.
And then
we cut
back to
you.
Yeah,
thank you.
And
Baldrick,
you recognize
that a few
things.
This
substance is
magically
infused and
generally a lot
of magically
infused
chemicals aren't
particularly
flammable.
And if they
are, they're
sort of just
like immediate
combustion.
It's not like it
would spread
through everything
and explode the
whole underground
system.
That would be
a very big
defense flaw for
them, so it
probably wouldn't
work like that.
because the
second someone
throws a
single match
in.
Yeah, exactly.
But you can
also tell that
the door and
the construction
of the door,
as you know,
you've got like
triangles now
coming into your
equation, the
construction of
the door showcases
that none of
this substance is
entering into it.
So setting up a
courting charge near
the center of the
door to build a
passage for all of
you to go through
wouldn't even hit
any of this liquid
anyways, and even
if the liquid
were to be
contacted, it's
not like the
whole installation
would explode.
I was kind of
hoping everything
would explode, but
I guess I'll do
that.
That works for me.
It sure would
solve one problem
to blow up this
entire place, but
I feel like it
would create a
fun new problem.
Veena, Veena,
Veena, Baldrick
just took
toughness.
He can take it.
You know what?
Causing a massive
earth-shattering
nuclear, nuclear
level explosion
can in fact be
negated by just
being a tough
guy.
I understand.
That is true.
It's true.
I went from
having 112 health
to 140.
It was incredible.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Anyway.
Alright, in that
case, I will prep
a single
couring charge and
just cobble
everything together
using my usual
reagents and
infused goods
until there is
just a simple
sack filled
with all kinds
of small
bottles and
catalysts that
Baldrick kind
of just walks
over to the
door after
looking it up
and down
left to right,
knocking his
knuckle against
it for a moment
and then just
squarely planting
it in the
center.
You guys might
want to get
behind something
like usual.
That isn't me
or Bruhua.
I missed you,
Baldrick.
I get behind
Bruhua.
I just said
not to do that.
Well, but I
thought it was
reverse psychology.
No, I'm saying
get behind something.
I'm not structurally
sound enough.
I'm saying get
behind something
so the blast
doesn't knock you
on your ass.
Alright, I'll get
behind something.
I get behind
Bruhua again.
It's gonna be bad.
Those were you two,
Snot.
Alright.
Well, it's not
going to be
colossal.
I've only
messed with it
a little bit.
Corring charges
meant for
taking down
buildings and
blowing holes
in walls.
Orange starts
going behind
something but
then he kind
of quickly
pitter-patters
to Baldrick
and gives
him a hug
going,
I missed
you,
Baldrick.
He's like,
thanks for
catching up
with us and
he scurries
back behind
like one of
the altars.
Yeah, you
guys didn't
make it easy
on me.
Well, we
didn't exactly
have it easy
up until this
point.
Let's go
that you're
at least back
along with
the gang.
You're gonna
have to do
some explaining
to do.
I got no
idea what
you guys
have been up
to this
entire goddamn
time.
I was a
horse!
Snott walks
away from
Baldrick,
walks up to
Ruhua and
goes,
You kept
away the
guy who
can make
alchemy
shit,
blows up
buildings,
and in
general,
looks like
that.
She points
over to him
from me.
Baldrick raises
a hand and
waves at the
two of you.
To be fair,
he is also
the most
qualified among
us to keep
the airship
functioning
properly.
It's true,
he's only
real mechanic.
He knows
what to do.
Yeah,
speaking of,
have any of
you seen
anything that
could suffice
as a coolant
hose?
Because one
up there
ruptured.
Hmm.
I've had to
hold the thing
together with
bailing wire,
and if it
doesn't get
fixed soon,
it's going
to, well,
probably be
really bad.
I don't
know what
happens when
a core
made of
souls overheats,
but.
I can fix
that.
Oren panics
and begins
skittering back
to the
airship.
Wait,
Oren,
no!
I don't
want the
answer to
explode!
You need
a hose
first!
Wait,
hold on,
I have
one.
Wait,
you could
always,
you could
go buy
one at
the store
that we
worked at.
I'm sure
we still
get an
employee
discount.
I'll
go find
one!
Oren
skitters
away to
the
airship.
Is he
going to
fly up
the elevator
shaft with
his big
wings?
I mean,
he'd probably
just make
the elevator
go back
up.
I mean,
it went
back up
for you.
But then
you'd make
us wait
for the
elevator
to come
back down.
I'll just
press the
button
to make
it go
down.
There he
goes.
Looking
for
hosts.
There he
goes.
Fuck you,
Salty.
He's a
real one.
Proud
of him.
Proud
of him.
All right.
As we
prepare the
door,
we're
briefly
going to
go over
to
Oren.
Chunk
Chunk.
Hi,
Mr.
Chunk.
Would you
like to
go up?
Yes,
please.
Oh,
God.
Thank you.
Chunk
Chunk.
The elevator
begins
rising.
Oren stands
on it
alone.
This is
like a
big picture
of a big
elevator
and just
a little
guy.
This is
just like
Dark Souls
when my
fucking
friends would
send it
back up
when it's
like,
hang on,
I need
to get
out of
the swamp
and it's
in Dark
Souls
fucking
three and
it's
like,
I gotta
get up
on the
elevator.
I need
to get
out of
here.
Oh,
well.
Chunk
Chunk.
Yeah,
that is
good.
That is
a good
question,
chat member.
Hey,
Mr.
Kachunk,
how do you
open the
big stone
door down
there?
You should
have asked
that before
you turned
the elevator
on.
No,
this is
funnier.
This is
funnier because
I'll know
the answer
and go,
oh,
I guess
I'll figure
it out.
And I'm
not even
going to
answer it
to you
vocally.
We're
just going
to cut
back to
that.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Oh,
opening that
door is
so easy
and then
it just
smacks
back to
us
sitting
and
staring
at it.
The
frame
goes
where
it's
like
a
pan
out
and
goes,
oh,
that's
how
you do it.
And then
he's
gone.
Perfect.
You just
cut back.
No,
here's
the smash
cut.
Oh,
so that's
how you
do.
And you
are
cutting
back to
Baldrick
literally
injecting
the
activating
agent
into
the
one
jar
like,
all
right.
He's
going to
look back
and see
everyone
hiding
behind
the
pews,
I
assume.
This
looks like
the
pews.
Yep.
All
right.
Do you
want to
give me
one more
crafting
check here
to see
your
souping
up
of
the
bomb?
Sure,
I'll give
that a
shot
with a
37.
Woo!
I am.
Listen,
I lucked
out because
at a
level 11,
I was like,
give me
one more
skill.
I was like,
all right,
I'm an expert
of crafting
now.
Do you
happen to
have the
number
for
coring
charge,
by the
way,
Thurston?
Because
we don't
have it
anymore
because the
swap over
removed
the ball.
Uh,
one sec.
However,
Baldrick
will shout
out,
fire in
the hall,
and he
will
immediately
leap
over and
mantle
whatever
pew is
closest and
land on
top of
snot.
Ah!
Roll me
10d8.
You got
it.
54.
That's a
good roll.
All right.
I also have
demolition,
so that will
go significantly
higher.
I just need
to demolition
charge.
Yeah.
Yeah,
it just
allows you
to ignore
more.
Okay,
yeah,
ignore more.
I get
you.
I get
you.
All right.
there's a
kind of
hissing.
It's a
contained
blast.
Yeah,
shape charge.
I wish we
had a big
explosion noise,
but it's
fine.
I'll have
to.
As the
explosion
sort of
dissipates,
you see
something
strange
coming
through the
hole.
From the
hole,
you see
that there
is like
an orange
light
that
penetrates.
It's just
coming from
is it like
wafting through
or is it
just light?
It's light
from the
other side.
Uh,
so what's
with the
light?
no clue.
By the
way,
that was
beautiful.
Thanks.
Could you
get out
from under
me,
please?
Of course.
Squishes
herself from
out from
under him.
Hey.
The liquid.
The liquid.
Crawls
along the
floor like
the grudge.
The grudge.
I do
have,
uh,
like,
I do
have,
let's see if I
actually do
have it.
I think I
did pick
it.
Uh,
no,
sadly not.
Ah,
fuck it then.
Snot will
start to
scamper
towards the
orange light.
I'll,
I'll,
I'll check
it out.
Hey,
where the,
for fuck.
Come on,
you three.
If they
didn't
already know
we're here,
they definitely
do now.
I,
I,
I just
assume,
um,
Snot,
that your,
your,
your mech
suit construct,
like,
can,
can be
deployed via
pokeball if
you need
to.
That's the
assumption I
was going
off of as
well.
Yeah,
no,
like,
yeah,
I imagine
the idea
that she's
always dragging
it behind
her,
like,
she's at
the airport
with her
luggage.
Like,
it's in a
compact form,
and,
yeah,
then you,
like,
kick it,
and it
goes,
she's like a
transformer.
That's a feat
for everyone
who wants to
play an
inventor back
at home.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
That's so
funny.
Snot says,
I'm going to
turn into a
truck now.
Burk,
church,
church,
church.
That is
literally what
her mech is.
Tannhauser,
as the,
as the door
is blown,
like a section,
I should say,
but a five-foot
section is blown,
but you feel
a,
just like,
overwhelming
attraction
to enter.
We must
move forward.
Something in
my bones
is telling me
this is the
way.
I'd certainly
hope so,
considering we
just blew a
hole through
it,
but I got
no idea
where we're
going.
I'll move
forward.
I'll,
I'll,
I'll find
the path
forward.
The path
is clear.
You,
you go
through first,
Tannhauser,
followed by
your allies.
As,
as you,
as you
enter this
chamber,
you find
that it is
bathed in
this orange-red
light.
The orange
coming from
the far end
of,
of,
of the chamber,
which itself
has stone pews.
Unlike the other,
um,
off,
off sections
you've seen,
though,
this place has a
fine red carpet,
though you can
tell that the
carpeting in
here is,
isn't red from
color,
it's red from
blood,
stained.
The,
the pews here
are similarly
stained,
as there is
sloshes of
blood that have
been spattered
around the room,
and at the
far end,
opposite the
way you're
entering from,
past lines of
pews,
are two things.
one,
a robed
figure
that
has
almost
skeletal
fingers
and looks
up with
an emaciated
face,
something,
an appearance
you've seen
before long
ago,
and behind
it,
floating
almost impossibly
in the air,
behind an
altar that
separates it
and the,
the robed
figure,
it appears
to be
a miniature
sun.
And as you
enter and
see all of
this,
as you
enter and
you see
all of this,
the robed
figure looks
up at you,
and in a
rasping voice,
you haven't
heard for
some time
you hear
I have
been
expecting
you.
Oh!
And, uh,
let's, let's, uh,
let's take a break
here.
Let's, let's go
stretch our
leggies.
Oh, okay.
Now that is a guy
we haven't seen
in a while, huh?
The guy from the
start, from the,
from the start.
That's our
old guy.
I remember that
old guy.
We end
as we began.
You ever wonder
how we could
afford all this
amazing art
and keep the
production going
in Narrative
Declaration?
Well, it's
because of you.
Either you're
a member of
Patreon, a
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subscriber, all
the way to
just someone
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Declaration is
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it is today.
And, if you
want to really
help it grow
even more, all
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So, thank
you so much
to you for
supporting the
show, either
it's monetarily
or just with
your time.
Thank you so
much, and
enjoy the
show.
So, then I
started blasting.
No.
Really?
You just
blasted like
that?
You were
just, that
just happened?
It did.
It's a medical
condition, Thurston,
and healthcare
is not cheap
here in the
US, so, yeah,
I did.
I blasted
everywhere, all
over everything.
If that makes
you, are you
happy to hear
about that?
Does that make
you feel good?
No, as a
Canadian, that
makes me actually
deeply sad for
you, and I
kind of want to
give you a
hug.
So, shall
we talk to
the flame, the
fume congregant,
please?
Because I'm
actually intrigued
as to what he
has to say.
That sounds
like a good
idea.
Yeah.
He stands
there at the
opposite end,
like beneath
this sort of
smoldering sun
that kind of
burns behind
him, giving
the room this
strange orange
glow compared
to the
fluorescent pink
you've been
deluged with
since entering
this subterranean
realm.
identify
yourself.
You know
me as I
know you.
Dan
Ozer, you
remember that
temple we fell
into?
Yes, I do.
I've got that
eerie feeling
now as I
did then.
Spoke with
him before.
I know that.
He's just
rather far
away.
I wanted to
make sure.
Why don't we
get closer?
Manifestation of
what, Papa
Blaze?
Uncle Blaze,
but yeah.
Why don't we
get closer then?
Hey, Thurston,
do I know
this guy?
No.
No, you have
no idea what
this is.
Like, this is
just like a
charred flesh
humanoid in
robes.
This thing is
incredibly strange
and out of place.
Like, it's not
even a member
of the Black
Papacy, so
it wouldn't be
in any of your
like children's,
you know,
I don't know,
children's novels
about the Black
Papacy.
So from
Snot's perspective,
not only did
Baldrick come in,
push all this
through, saved us
essentially, went
through this, and
when we enter the
door and this thing
goes, I know
you as you know
me, and then
Baldrick explains
it, Snot has
realized he's
the captain.
Oh, fuck.
He's the
guy.
We're the
side crew.
No, don't
tell me.
Baldrick's the
main character.
You heard it
here first.
Fuck.
Don't do this
to me.
Grow up.
Don't do this
to me.
I have no
charisma on
Baldrick.
He has no
charisma at all
because I
deferred it to
go to Vena
because I was
tired of
playing the
face.
A load
bearing charisma
character.
Fuck me.
I literally
hid my face
with a bucket.
Fuck.
fuck.
What?
Can we
talk to
this guy?
Who is
this guy?
Well, don't
expect
enlightening
conversation.
I mean,
he's in
the light.
This is
likely an
aspect of
one of the
elemental
gods sealed
away.
When last
we spoke
to them,
I received
a vision,
if I recall
correctly.
Snot leans
against her
mech
and looks
at him
like,
huh?
Hmm?
You just
said some
shit,
Tenhelzer.
Have you
been keeping
things away
from me?
Have you
just not
mentioned
that?
There's a
lot of
things that
have happened
to me in
my life.
I mean,
I'm mostly
robot.
Yeah,
but you
could have
mentioned
like,
you know,
locked
away
deities
and stuff
like that.
I'm pretty
sure we
did mention
it at least
once.
Look,
we're ignoring
the important
thing in the
room,
which is to
say,
and Baldrick
points over
to the
fume
congregant,
him,
and also
he points
his fingers
slightly further
upward at
the giant
glaring
orb that is
filling the
room with
a horrible
orange light.
I'll begin
moving forward
to go meet
with the
flame man.
How far up
can I go
before you
start combat,
Thurston?
I'm not
going to run
all the way
up to him,
but I will
try to keep
pace with
Tannhauser.
Move where
you need to.
Move where
you think
conversation
would be
fine.
No.
What?
Tannhauser
being 70
feet away
from me.
This is
about probably
where I'd
be comfortable
speaking with
this guy.
With the
sun in
your face.
Assuming
like I
don't begin
catching a
flame and
like thousands
of evil
gargoyles
begin picking
away at
my flesh.
Give me
a fortitude
to save
Tannhauser.
I'd love
to.
That's
going to
be a
34.
Your flesh
is intact.
You feel
the heat
though.
Like this
thing is
is radiating.
Not as
much as
it probably
should but
definitely
hot.
What has
brought you
here?
Speak now
and clearly
that I may
free you.
I was
always here.
as I
left you
a message
so I
waited here
for you
to come
and fulfill
it.
I see.
when we
are here
now what
would you
have us
do?
Behind
me.
Like
and you
could tell
obviously
like referencing
the sphere
of molten
energy.
that is
what you
will need
an essence
to brave
the flames
but to
take it
you must
sacrifice.
what must
I
sacrifice?
What
will you
sacrifice?
the
strength
of the
flame
is
dependent
on the
amount
sacrificed.
What
you give
is what
you will
receive.
Should
you offer
something
paltry
the
defenses
offered
will be
equally
paltry.
I
don't like
saying it
but
kind
of
happy
that
the
paltry
boy
ain't
here.
What's
up?
That's
different
word
different
word
he said
paltry
not
paltry
oh
I
must
sacrifice
something
of
value
must
only
I
do
this
it
is
yours
your
choice
to
take
this
waited
for
you
as
each
other
waits
for
another
must
this
thing
be
tangible
what
is
tangible
for
such
sacrifice
let me
show
you
I am
going
to
reach
into
my
jacket
and
I
am
finding
actually
that I
am
lacking
an
accoutrement
for
this
which
I
don't
believe
is
true
I
mean
I
even
have
a
sword
on my
on my
art
but it
seems like
I don't
have one
in my
inventory
Ray
um
I'll
turn
around
Vina
can you
take your
old
character
sheet
it
probably
is
my
old
character
sheet
I
need
to
borrow
your
blade
for a
moment
sure
Vina's
gonna
you know
turn it
over
and pass
the handle
to him
excellent
I'm
going
to
place
my
hand
on
the
pew
and
I
am
going
to
lop
off
my
left
hand
oh
my
god
all
right
all
right
we
want to
help
him
with
that
um
okay
run
cook
there's
a
there's
a
kathunk
as the
as the
blade
goes
deep
and
through
it
doesn't
hurt
as much
as the
old
one
used
to
and I
suppose
I could
always
find a
new
one
to
replace
what
I've
lost
but a
hand
is still
a
hand
my
body
is
still
my
body
even
enmeshed
in
steel
I'll
present
the severed
hand
to the
fume
congregant
yeah
um
so you
walk
closer
I
I'll
I'll
not walk
closer
just yet
I'll
hold
and I'll
say
is this
a worthy
sacrifice
if it
is what
you
choose
then it
is what
you
choose
but
is it
paltry
I can
get
another
hand
I would
only be
losing it
until I
found
another
one
I need
to know
how much
do you
need of
me
that is
what I'm
willing to
give
to take
what is
needed
to fight
the foe
that I
must
if you
question it
is it
worthy
he makes
a good
point
I'll
drop my
hand
uselessly
on the
floor
makes
like a
sickly
wet
sound
as it
thumps
onto
the
bloodied
carpet
as
it
happens
as though
like
explaining
this
room
the
remaining
blood
fluid
that
pumps
into
your
hand
is
almost
sucked
up
immediately
by the
ravenous
carpet
adding
to its
crimson
stain
these
damn
fools
what is
this place
it is
a temple
older
than the
bones
built
around
it
these
are the
places
you must
seek
the
temples
to
upend
the
stakes
but it
waits
still
what
will
you
sacrifice
i
offer
a
pledge
then
that
shall
be
my
sacrifice
for
years
i
have
toiled
as a
murderer
in
these
sands
i
have
brought
death
i
blade
by
axe
then
i
will
swear
an
oath
as
my
sacrifice
by
the
light
of
this
shackled
sun
never
more
shall
i
take
a
life
with
blade
and
hand
my
hand
is
gone
and
never
more
will
i
grip
a
sword
in
my
palm
that
is
my
pledge
that
is
my
sacrifice
that
one
who
lived
by
the
blade
shall
no
longer
wield
it
now
grant
me
your
protection
come
come
and seal
it in
the
blood
that
flows
from
your
stump
i
will
do
this
be
another
fortitude
save
sure
thing
egg
shield
whoa
yeah
you just
sneezed
a lot
of
yeah
congregant
it's
like
when
you
look
into
the
sun
randomly
and
you
like
get
an
overwhelming
sensation
and
you
need
to
sneeze
is that
only
me
that
is
only
you
i'm
afraid
oh
no
my
damage
i was
about
saying
go to
the
doctor
but i
know
you've
already
been
going
to
the
doctor
salty
added
to
the
notes
for
your
doctor
tan
hauser
as you
approach
you
like
the
the
the
sphere
begins
to
flare
um
all
of you
in the
room
feel
the
heat
but
but
tan
hauser
you
you
manage
to
to
move
your
way
kind
of
trudging
through
it
and
as
you
do
um
you
take
no
damage
but
it's
it
pushes
you
um
and
you
you
see
the
hand
skeletal
hand
of the
fume
congregant
like
reaching
out
one
one
finger
sort
of
dancing
in
the
air
um
your
allies
who
stand
behind
the
pews
um
behind
you
see
this
intensity
flaring
up
and
as
they
see
it
they
also
would
see
on
the
ground
your
your
hand
your
severed
hand
crisps
and
turns
into
dust
flying
back
on
the
air
some
kind
of
extra
intensity
placed
on
that
as
you
make
the
final
step
towards
this
disrobed
figure
whose
single
finger
is
outstretched
what
must
must
i
do
you
have
done
what
you
will
do
we
shall
see
if
it
is
worth
and
his
hand
taps
the
stump
you
have
and you
feel
this
blinding
sharp
pain
go through
your
body
you feel
all of
what remains
of your
nerve endings
alight and
on fire
it's probably
the most alive
you've felt
since your
accident that
transformed you
but with
that
comes
something
else
some
other
something
something
wrong
that
like this
fire
that is
burning
through
your
body
now
is
unnatural
and
shouldn't
be
there
and as
that
happens
there is
there is
this moment
where it
sets
in
and you
you can
recoil
back
breathing
slightly
and immediately
at the
at the
end of
that
the
congregant
crumbles
into dust
the same
as your
hand
dissipating
before you
and as
it does
so
your
severed
hand
reconstitutes
but does
so only
as a
skeletal
bone
that you
seem to
maintain
control
over
there is
no flesh
on it
it is
simply
bone
that is
now
animate
to your
will
almost in
mockery
to the
metal
components
of your
body
and the
full
flesh
with which
you have
and as
that
happens
almost
like
going
through
the
fume
congregant
the
sphere
channels
itself
through
him
and into
you
and into
your
body
and in
a
sudden
almost
seismic
shake
the
sphere
simply
disappears
what a
is
hey
game
buster
i have
super
cool
cooling
gloves
on me
and my
mech
can
now that
the big
ball is
gone
can i
run up
and cool
down
tan
hauser
as much
as possible
yeah
absolutely
awesome
uh
she's gonna
run in
with her
mech
like as
quickly as
possible
and try
to cool
this guy
down
as we
saw him
be fucking
lit a flame
are you
good
are you
good
yes
yes
yes
i'm
i still
stand
that pain
i haven't
felt anything
like it
in quite
some time
brother
that was
the most
cold
gulthin
shit
i've
ever
seen
and i've
seen
so much
sand
thank you
i
now look
and i
realize i
now have
a cool
skeleton
hand
you're like
the skeleton
warrior
i need
to invest
in a
glove
i think
i think
you're gonna
need to
explain to
me what
the hell
you just
did
i saw
some sort
of oath
for protection
i tried
to give
them my
hand
they wouldn't
well
i had
doubt
unless it
wouldn't
have been
a worthy
offering
so instead
i am now
seemingly
to gain
protection
from these
scouring
flames
i am now
obligated to
no longer
wield a
weapon
whoa
like you
can't kill
people anymore
well obviously
yes
but never
again shall
i do it
with my
hands
it must
not be
done with
a blade
that's so
sad
as long
as they
find it
appropriate
i guess
i don't
really
i guess
i don't
really
care
you still
feeling
all right
over there
yes
but the
conflagration
it did
bid me
base
that the
rest of
us are
likely to
be called
upon to
make this
sacrifice
not you
snot
though you're
great
still
whoa
what
well
if you
do find
a weird
god that
requires me
to do a
sacrifice
you you
can tell
him that
i'm not
here
okay
well i
mean
well if
the god
tells me
to get
you
i'm gonna
i'm gonna
let you
know about
like i'll
come and
get you
that would
be weird
and like
i don't
fuck around
with gods
for a
reason
you know
heresy
i didn't
say
anything
it's all
those guys
hungering for
snot
baldrick
now
i'm gonna
preempt
this baldrick's
gonna pull
out the
grenade
launcher
three figures
float
into the
room
oh
those guys
look so
sick
yeah
back
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
um
they
they
they
float
into the
room
they have
strange
almost
mechanical
backpacks
that
pump
this
neon
pink
fluid
around
their
bodies
their
faces
are
this
emaciated
gray
ash
and they
wear
steel
plates
of some
manner
their
hands
are
outstretched
like
claws
and their
bottom
where the
robes
should touch
the floor
is instead
like a
smoky
color
um
and
snot
and
tan
husser
you
recognize
them
congregants
of
of the
black
papacy
oh
that
looks so
sick
that's
fire
this
place
is
sealed
sealed
you
should
not
be
here
we
close
this
for a
reason
heresy
all right
these
these
three
figures
float
into
the
chamber
and uh
they don't
look too
happy with
you
everybody
why were
you keeping
this sun
in your
deep
catacombs
um
they look
up
and
as they
sort of
make eye
contact
you
you hear
them speak
uh
off from
each of
them
slightly
this
is not
ours
we sealed
this place
it is
not
ours
it is
older
not
ours
you
must not
know
they must
not
know
we
are the
oldest
that
is what
they must
think
who
must
die
after
you
scum
i think
they're mad
about their
door
i'd be
mad too
it's true
i think
the existence
of this
place
hints at
the fact
that they're
they haven't
exactly been
truthful
with their
congregants
we got
speaker
coughing
we got
roshi
roshi
i think
so
i might
just
roll
some
perception
initiative
and i
you know
other people
can roll
maybe some
appropriate
initiative
scores
dms
there's
yeah
roll
i'm
going
to
roll
i got
you
that's
for
what
people
roll
initiative
yeah
let's
go from
the top
of the
order
down
vena
what
did
you
get
i got
and then
rahua
what did
you get
i got
a 25
yeah
but your
tech sucks
you suck
balder what
do you get
shut up
and then
tenhauser
i got
a 20
and then
it's not
a goblin
i got
a 20
like an
og
it's a
dirty
filthy
and with
and with
that
as
as you
see these
creatures
floating
towards
you
the first
one raises
its hand
and that's
what we're
going to
call for
today
okay
that makes
sense
sorry for
sudden
fucking
rapid
death
cough
oh my
god
it is
i had
that happen
i had
that happen
during an
interview i
had at
gen con
it was like
the most
embarrassing
thing because
i'm just
like
let me
shove
water in
my mouth
and i'm
like i
swear i'm
not sick
there's just
something in
my throat
that is not
going away
thanks
you guys
are cool
um
i did
i scared
people that
during uh
during my
vacation to
where it's like
i have a
perpetual cough
that just
won't go
away and
at the start
like cough
cough don't
worry i'm
not sick
but then i
secret but
the covid
secretly was
on the way
so the covid
got through
and using
cough as a
disguise
so i
got everybody
but thank you
guys so much
for watching
this lovely
episode of rock
ryan please
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thank you so
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rock grind
no
No.
Sorry, Porky.