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Tap to send me your reflections ♡ Have you ever wondered how much of our lives are governed by unwritten rules we've imposed on ourselves? Today's episode is a meander through some of the self-imposed constraints that often originate from societal expectations or beliefs we've inherited. We look at... Some of my own once unshakeable ideas - for example, that for work to be meaningful, it must always feel hard (spoiler alert... it's not true)How we can question and dismantle limiting co...
Tap to send me your reflections ♡
Have you ever wondered how much of our lives are governed by unwritten rules we've imposed on ourselves?
Today's episode is a meander through some of the self-imposed constraints that often originate from societal expectations or beliefs we've inherited. We look at...
Like many of these reflective episodes, this has sparked a personal response for me too. And so, I'm now breaking one of the rules I'd inadvertently created for myself. I'm shifting from publishing the podcast weekly to fortnightly. It's an experiment and we'll see how it goes... after all, there are no rules!
I would LOVE to hear what you think about this. Depending on where you're listening you may see a little link to message me your reflections - or you can always email.
***
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A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.
Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.
If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.
Speaker 1: One of my favourite
phrases, particularly in
relation to this work, this
inner work, is that there are no
rules, perhaps, and
particularly so in the places
where we've been constrained by
certain beliefs, certain
behaviours, certain ways of
being, where a rule has somehow
or other become lodged within us
.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you.
And often we inherit these
rules, or we are taught them,
either overtly or covertly or
unwittingly, or we pick them up
through loyalty, as a way of
making our place within the
family system feel a little bit
more secure, or we adapt them
from what we see others doing or
others believing, or the rules
we see others following, and
these can become these, yeah,
these very sort of tight
constraints in our lives.
So, for example, we might have
a belief or a rule around how we
work, what a good worker looks
like and a good employee or a
good leader, and my finding is,
both personally and through
working with others, that often,
actually, these rules might
have served us at some point in
our life, and that's why they're
there, that's why they got
lodged, that's why we've been
following them, and then we can
find ourselves at another time,
at another place in our life, in
another job, in another
environment, and that same rule
no longer quite fits the bill.
The challenge is is that when
we see it as a rule, it can feel
very, very hard to break it,
and so it's why I like to play
with this phrase there are no
rules because it can help us see
oh, there can be another way of
doing something.
Now I've been sharing a little
bit about this on Instagram and
also sort of talking about it.
It's been coming up in quite a
few client conversations
recently and just talking with
friends as well, about how we
can make choices, particularly
around the way that we work.
Let's focus on that for now.
So in the past, I definitely
held a belief, which had become
a bit of a rule, that for
something to be important or for
something to be done well, it
needed to feel hard, it needed
to feel difficult, I needed to
have exerted effort on it,
otherwise I wasn't really doing
my job properly, and that can
lead to any number of really
unhealthy and unhelpful
behaviours.
So, rather than taking a break
and allowing my brain time to
reset, to percolate, to think a
problem through, I might just
sit at my desk, tapping away at
my keyboard, trying to force an
idea to emerge or trying to
force a solution to a problem to
appear before me, not
recognizing, not remembering and
not recognizing that actually
the brain needs space in order
to think creatively.
And and so, for that reason,
these days, when I'm working on
something which requires some
expansive thinking, I will
deliberately take myself into an
environment like just being
outside, going for a walk,
perhaps even just being in a
different room in the house,
where I can think more openly,
rather than the very focused
thinking that I tend to do when
I'm sitting at my computer.
Obviously, it's not always like
that.
Sometimes when I'm sitting at
my computer, I can be very
expansive, and you know that can
be when I'm doing writing or
something like that.
But if I find stuck a bit
trapped up in my head, um,
feeling as though something is
constraining, pressing in, I'm
trying to force against
something, it's a marker for me
that actually what I need to do
is sit back and, even as I was
saying that I could feel my body
like folding in toward the mic
and my shoulders like crowding
around, because that's that,
that feeling of tension and
constraint and contraction.
And really what I'm looking for
is expansion and a way to open
up my thinking and allow myself
a bit of freedom of thought and
and so you know that's just
capabilities or how well, how
would I say that can really
limit my ability to um, to to
solve a problem or to um, find
another way forward, um, and,
and so I kind of, I really I
think this is such a valuable
thing to explore and to reflect
on personally, to look across
your own day, I mean just today
look across your own day and
just see where have some of
those like unwritten rules,
those subliminal rules, crept in
and maybe constrained you in
some way or felt like they've
limited your ability to see
where some of the options might
be.
Now I did a whole series of
episodes I think it might have
been in series 12, where I
looked at some of the phrases
that we might be carrying from
childhood.
So things like pride comes
before a fall, or too big for
your boots, or phrases like that
.
They can be the precursor to
setting up some rules inside us
as well, and I am very alert to
when I notice that that's
happening inside me now, and so
I'm very, very careful about the
ways in which I approach the
work that I do, and this podcast
is no exception.
So one of the things that I am
about to experiment with is
breaking one of the rules that I
had realized I'd created
somewhere along the line.
I think I first did an episode
of the podcast around about
April, may 2020, something like
that and and I decided it needed
to be once a week, because
that's how podcasts are they're
either once a week or more often
for some producers and I've
stuck with that broadly.
And then I created another rule
for myself which was like oh OK,
I can't do it once a week all
the time.
I need a break, because I
recognize I need time for
reflective thinking and creative
juices to flow.
So I'll do each episode is,
each season is 10 episodes, and
then I'll have a break and I'll
be fairly loose about how long
that break is.
And then I'll have a break and
I'll be fairly loose about how
long that break is, and then
I'll do another season and that
will be 10 episodes every week.
No, a weekly episode over 10
weeks, and then it's been
dawning on me recently that I've
just been following a rule
established by myself, not
determined by anybody else, and
that it had started to feel like
a constraint, and the last
thing that I ever, ever wanted
was for this podcast to ever
feel like a constraint.
But I also recognize that for me
to produce these kinds of
episodes, particularly the ones
where I'm speaking really,
really from the heart to you and
doing that deep, deep, deep
reflection, they take a lot of
time, they take a lot of energy,
they take a lot of effort, and
maybe, maybe, it would serve me
to do them in a different way,
because there are no rules.
And so my proposal to myself is
that for the next few weeks,
few months, forever, who knows,
maybe I'm going to change the
really honour my own needs and
to honour the needs of my
creative output, and
fundamentally, that's actually
honouring you, because what I
don't want to do is ever get to
a point where I feel I don't
want to do, is ever get to a
point where I feel, oh, I can't
do an episode and then force
myself to do one.
That, to me, is anathema.
That, to me, is the absolute
antithesis of why I'm sitting
here speaking with you right now
, and so I wanted to share this.
I wanted to share the thinking
behind this, because all of my
instinct says you'll understand,
and I just wonder whether it
sparks any thoughts for you,
whether it helps you, guides,
invites you to look at something
that you're doing, something
maybe that you really, really
love, but that is also taking
more from you than you currently
have available, available to
give it, and whether there is
something, some small step that
you could take that could change
that rule, maybe in a tiny,
tiny way, or maybe in a in a
more significant way, maybe
rewriting it entirely, maybe
releasing yourself from it
entirely, maybe simply loosening
some of the strands of where
it's got caught in your system.
And I really love this.
I really I love it when we are
able to look at something with a
completely fresh pair of eyes
and go, oh, hang on a minute, it
actually doesn't have to be
that way, and for me to change
it has no adverse impact on
anybody else.
This is just a rule that I've
created around myself, and I
could establish a whole load of
beliefs around that, and,
believe me, I have, because I've
told myself at various points.
You know, just still talking
about the podcast, oh, I need to
get an episode out.
You know, I've I've made a
commitment, um, and I've brought
myself back up into the stable
late at night on a Friday, you
know, and it's been delicious
and I've recorded a really
intimate conversation.
It's one way, but it always
feels like a conversation with
you and you know, and then I've
set it to go live and I have a
sense of achievement and it's,
you know, it's all very nice and
and was it really?
Well, I don't know.
I don't know until I play.
And I think, if we're not
willing to play with the things,
that we actually have this kind
of control over, that sense of
discernment and willingness to
change when it's something that
feels a little bit more tricky.
So I kind of see this
willingness to break our own
rules as part of beautiful
disruption, which is something
that you may have heard me speak
about before.
I think it's a really powerful
part of how we learn, how to
embrace and accept change in our
lives, and beautiful disruption
is where we disrupt something
that has no negative impact on
anybody else.
Um, it simply disrupts a
pattern or a rule that we have
created.
So a lovely example of
beautiful disruption is when you
know if you, if you um always
go to the same coffee shop, um,
when you go into town, um, and
you always walk the same way and
you always go to the same part
of the counter and you always
order the same coffee in the
same way and you always go and
sit in the same seat.
Now, beautiful disruption would
mean take a detour on your way
there, maybe even just walking
on the other side of the street,
choose a different counter,
maybe try a different coffee
although quite honestly, I
wouldn't do that, but you know,
maybe Then go and sit at a
different seat in the coffee
shop.
You know, doing those things
help our system understand that
it is safe to change, and that's
really what this whole episode
is about.
It's about teaching ourselves
that it is okay to break our own
rules, that it is okay to break
our own rules and it is okay to
push against the boundaries,
the barriers better word that we
might have built up around
ourselves or feel, believe that
others have built around us, and
it is okay to disrupt the
patterns that we habitually
follow.
And so that's what I'm doing
I'm going to publish this
episode this weekend it's now
Friday afternoon, I'll send it
live and I'm going to publish
the next one in two weeks time
and I'm going to, as part of
this play, as part of this
experiment, I'm going to really
focus on these solo episodes
more, which doesn't mean I won't
also be speaking to some of the
amazing guests.
I've had some gorgeous,
wonderful guests, you know.
It doesn't mean I won't be
speaking with people.
I won't be speaking with people
, but I often find that it's the
solo episodes which seem to
really, really resonate with
people.
So if that's not true, tell me.
You know, I'd really love to
hear your reflections about this
.
I'm kind of being guided you
most like to listen to on this
particular podcast and maybe,
maybe it will inform how things
continue to develop.
Um, so for now I'm going to say
toodlepip and I will see you in
two weeks time.
Can I just tell you how nervous
I feel right now saying this?
So I am not saying I mean,
isn't it hilarious?
What I'm talking about is I'm
not going to do a podcast for a
week and then I'm going to do a
podcast episode.
Like, I mean, it is such a zero
risk and yet, and yet I notice
inside my system, a part of me
that goes oh, I don't know if
that's okay.
So I am telling that part of me
of course, my darling, of
course it is okay and we are
safe and everyone will
understand.
All right, my loves, I am
sending you so much love and I
really can't wait to do the next
episode.
That's so interesting as well.
Gosh, I just really felt like
there's something about when we
create a bit of spaciousness
around something that might have
even just had an inkling of
feeling a little bit like, oh
gosh, that might start feeling
quite a lot.
When we create a bit of space
around it, suddenly our energy
flows, our creativity flows, our
awareness raises and things
just feel a little bit lighter,
a little bit more spacious, more
expansive, and it definitely
feels that way.
So let's see how it goes, and
you never know, we might
continue with the experiment, we
might not, because there are no
rules, of course.
All right, my love, I send you
a hug and a wave.
Thank you, thank you.