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Yapping about movies, tv shows, reality tv, pop culture moments, and anything else that I can't get off my mind.
New Episodes on Wednesdays!
Welcome
Hello and welcome to the I Have to Say Podcast.
And, today, I Have To Say, loving reality tv as a Black woman, is rough.
Before I get deep into it, let me just preface this by saying that I do not speak for all Black people and that these are my thoughts and my opinions, that may or may not be shared by other Black and non-Black people, as a Black woman in the United States. I know that this should go without saying, but I just want to be clear that all the opinions and thoughts in this episode, and every episode really, are mine and mine alone.
Since, I’ve spent most of the month talking about reality TV and because it’s Black History Month, I think it’s only right to talk about what it’s like to experience reality TV while Black, both from the perspective of contestants but also, from my point of view, as a Black reality tv viewer and lover.
Reality tv may not be real, but it is a reflection of reality and when you get into reality tv, the unconscious (and conscious) biases shine through.
Lack of diversity
For the longest time, I wasn’t that invested in reality tv like I am now. I mean I did grow up watching Next! And I loved America’s Next Top Model, Are You The One, Amazing Race, Ex on the Beach, and Flavor of Love. Eventually I tuned into Jersey Shore, and Basketball Wives, but it’s been in the last decade, maybe a little bit over, that I’ve really watched and explored shows that I didn’t watch when they aired like, Vanderpump Rules, Big Brother, The Challenge, and even some of the housewives.
And to be real…the lack of representation was one of the reasons why certain shows, even shows that I’ve since watched and love now, didn’t catch my eye when they came out.
Because watching shows that lack diversity means you’re wondering whether or not the people you’re supporting by watching the show hate you or people who look like you or are using the money and the promotion they get from the show to support organizations and politics that will cause you harm.
And sometimes, it just is what it is. I think we all know where some of the ladies on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives land on the political spectrum and we still tune in. I mean Whitney just did that interview with Ziwe that was…questionable at least, but not surprising at the same time.
Love is Blind has only become more conservative in my opinion, as the seasons have gone on, and we’re still watching it.
We all have our own personal lines to draw when it comes to watching reality tv and who we will support. For me, the line has been and always will be that one family that I refuse to name. But…I recognize that it’s different for everyone, because reality tv can be an escape in some ways.
Lack of protection
At the same time, I understand the challenges that come with being the only Black woman, or one of a few Black women, in a space, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone to live out in front of the world who doesn’t want to experience it.
I don’t want performative representation without protection.
And I say protection because…well…this might be a controversial opinion, but I don’t think that being performative is always a bad thing. When handled with care, even the act of doing or saying something can lead to people expanding their world view and can serve as a call to action.
But, that’s not always the case, and more often than not I think the way reality tv shows go about diversity actually creates more harm, because they don’t put protections in place for their employees or educate the already privileged cast that they’re joining on what bias and unconscious bias looks like in practice.
Bravo is really guilty of this in my opinion. There are certain franchises I've tried and failed to get into, or I have just outright refused to watch, because of the lack of diversity on their show, but also, because I got the vibe that these people were probably racist and conservative or misogynistic, and overall just not for me.
It’s why I’ve struggled getting into Summer House, because I like to start from the beginning of the shows when I can, and…I don’t know 100% who is on now in the current season and what they’re like, but in the early early seasons it was really rough for me.
It’s why I couldn’t get into Southern Charm, The Real Housewives of Orange County and Beverley Hills, and I didn’t watch the original RHONY because I heard about what they were like.
I mean even in recent years there’s been stories about them being racist. Jill just got fired because of what she said about Bad Bunny’s performance. I don’t know 100% what she said, because like I said, I didn’t watch RHONY, so I don’t know who she is like, but I did see Candaice talking about what she said.
Dorinda, allegedly, has allegations of being racist to Ron behind the scenes on the Traitors.
And, Romana is Romana and was doing Romana things on Ultimate Girl’s Trip a few years ago. And by Romana things, I mean being racist, if that’s not clear.
And I’m sure, again an opinion not fact, Bravo knew, there were Black, brown, and general audiences like me, who didn’t tune into these shows because of the lack of diversity or the way that the women or the men came across, and they wanted to capture the market, so they began to add one or two Black people or persons of color to appease people and get people to start watching it who weren’t previously.
And to be honest, it did work a little bit for me because I did start watching Beverley Hills.
I only started watching Beverley Hills because they added Garcelle, and the minute she left, I was out of there too.
I don’t watch, but Southern Charm comes to mind because I’ve heard a little bit about what Venita has been experiencing and how she was isolated and left alone on an island and for having an opinion that’s pretty popular.
And with both Venita and Garcelle, like with other Black women on reality TV, they were placed in environments with white people who don’t have a worldview that they’re not centered in. Venita and Garcelle, and other Black women on reality TV, are forced to hold their tongues so that they don’t come off as aggressive, or they’re not seen as aggressive, and they’re expected to take things on the chin when they’re being disrespected.
It feels like there are no rulebooks or protections put into place for Black people, especially Black women, and other people of color on reality tv. Not only do they have to deal with the microaggressions and unconscious biases from their cast, but they have to deal with it from the general audience too.
According to Mental Health America, and I’ll link the article in the comments, “microaggressions are comparable to death by a thousand cuts.” Overtime, it causes harm to the person on the receiving end in various ways that affect their mental health.
Imagine the already high stress caused by being on reality tv in general, and then combine that with dismissive cast mates and audience members, microaggressions and racist remarks, potentially from all sides, and the double standards and experiencing all of that with the little to no protections from studios and productions.
It sounds overwhelming and isolating.
Garcelle ultimately left, and from my understanding it’s because she realized she wasn’t being protected or defended by anyone, but especially by Sutton, who she has gone out of her way to defend.
I don’t blame Garcelle for leaving, and even though I know leaving isn’t always an option, I wish more Black people, and especially Black women, would leave environments they’re not appreciated in.
I wish for a world where Black people, especially Black women, can be on reality tv without having to worry about how the edit will make them look and without having to second guess what the response will be to their actions, no matter how innocent or not innocent they are.
Double Standards
There’s an obvious double standard when it comes to Black reality tv stars and non-Black ones.
If Taylor from Mormon Wives was Black, there’d be no way that she would be the leading woman on The Bachelorette, if she even got a show in the first place. She would be judged harshly for being a single mom, judged for her relationship with Dakota, judged for her promiscuity and judged for getting pregnant again in a harsher and more overt way than what is happening now. Like the media would be trashing her as well.
And I’m not even saying that those are fair judgments. I think people are too concerned and critical, me included at times, about lives that we don’t live.
But I‘m saying that Stassi backhanding Kristen in the face on Vanderpump Rules would’ve been considered ghetto if it was a Black person who did that.
White women, and non-Black women, can get away with acting a certain way on television, (and in real life) that Black people and women would be smeared for.
Olandria didn’t do nearly as much, not even a quarter, not even an eighth, of the things that Huda did on their season of Love Island, but for some reason, (we know the reason), she’s getting just as much, if not more, hate, and even still, to this day, months later.
Bravo also has obvious double standards about what’s allowed and what’s considered too far, and although some of that may be because of the temperaments of the women in the cast, when there is violence on predominately Black casts, like Housewives of Atlanta and Housewives of Potomac, producers feel the need to let you know “they don’t condone violence,” but I don’t know if that same disclaimer is given on predominately white franchises.
I do know that Vanderpump Rules has had so many physical altercations, and I don’t remember not one disclaimer about Bravo not condoning violence or suspending anyone for their actions.
Jax was abusive in so many different ways throughout his decade on reality tv, and he still got the phone call answered and the opportunity to rebrand.
Monique hitting Candaice, which happened about seven years ago, has followed her into her appearance on this most recent season of Potomac but did Lisa Rinna on Beverley Hills splashing liquid in Kim’s face and breaking glass on the table follow her in the same way?
Accountability is expected when Black cast members do something out of character, but it’s not expected in the same way when non-Black cast members do similar or worse things.
There’s a balancing act that Black women on reality tv may feel the need to perform. They walk the tightrope of being true to themselves, while also policing their own actions so that nothing they do or say will be misinterpreted or twisted in a way that’s used against them, even if they’re valid in their feelings or their reactions.
Black women aren’t given the grace or the space to have outbursts or to make a mistake or say the wrong thing on tv, and in life if we’re being real, in the same way that non-Black people are.
I know that some of this is the name of the game for being on reality tv, but it doesn’t change the fact that the way it plays out is different and more extreme for Black people.
Racism in Real Time
I can’t imagine how alienating it is to experience racism and discrimination in real time from the perspective of a contestant.
What are you supposed to do when a castmate refers to you as a monkey during a verbal argument, like Erica Mena did to Spice on Love and Hip Hop, Atlanta?
What are you supposed to do when you’re on a competition show with a primarily white cast, and the person you’re partnered with throughout the season walks out in Blackface to mimic you, like Emily did to Ty on The Challenge?
What are you supposed to do when a castmate you’ve been filming with for years calls you “a Black motherfucking pussy,” and gets to stay and eventually goes on to win the money at the end, like what happened with Camilla and Leroy on The Challenge?
No really, what are you supposed to do when the fact that you’re Black gets hurled at you as if it’s an insult, like what happened with Trishelle and Aneesa on The Challenge.
What are you supposed to do when you’re fighting to get people to believe what you’re saying, but for some unexplainable reason, they just won’t believe or trust in anything that you say, even as you say it through tears like with Tiffany on The Traitors?
What are you supposed to do when you’re isolated and targeted in a house with people you’re stuck with for the summer, like with what happened with Taylor, and other Black people on Big Brother?
There’s so many moments on reality tv that are full of racism and microaggressions that contestants have to live through while they’re filming and figure out how to navigate in the moment, only to then re-live through again if they rewatch, but even if they don’t, after it airs while because audiences online argue about what happened.
And that’s if it even airs, because there’s a possibility that production decides to cut it out completely, and because of the NDAs and because you’re not allowed to break the fourth wall, you can’t get into the nitty gritty of the truth behind certain situations.
And it’s not like this happens on one type of reality show. It doesn’t matter if it's a dating show, or a competition and social strategy game, or some form of lifestyle show. The racism and discrimination and the biases show up in every form, just in different ways.
Sometimes, it’s as overt as a competitor saying the “n word”, which has happened as recently as three years ago on Big Brother.
It could show up as Black people being the first to go and not making it to jury year after year, also like in Big Brother.
It could show up as people isolating you in a social strategy game and keeping their distance from you for virtually no reason still Big Brother.
Or it could show up as no one being truly interested in coupling up or exploring things with you romantically like on Love Island or Perfect Match and it’s because recruiters didn’t cast men who genuinely appreciate and love Black women.
Or it can be people on Love is Blind not knowing how to act after the proposal because they weren’t expecting a Black person or non-white person on the other side of the wall.
And then you see the concerns being dismissed by viewers and castmates and production in general whether you’re a contestant or a viewer
As a contestant, it must be devastating, frustrating, and alienating and as a viewer, it’s also disheartening and triggering to see people who look like you mistreated in ways that are avoidable, and in ways similar to how you’ve been mistreated in your own life, especially on an outlet that is supposed to be escapism.
What is the solution?
So what’s the solution to this problem here?
It’s not as simple as telling Black people not to sign up for reality tv. That wouldn’t be productive for anyone, not us as viewers or them as a contestant who has the possibility to network, build a brand, and maybe even win some money.
In the same way, I don’t think it’s as simple as not watching, because the shows will still be watched and made by someone. The Bachelor was on more than 20 seasons before getting their first Black male lead.
Not platforming people who spread harmful rhetoric is a start, but sometimes, those involved end up successfully rebranding after some time has passed as if it’s never happened. Look at Stassi and Jax and Kristen Doute. Look at Chris, that host from The Bachelor who is now hosting a new show. Even Trishelle went on to The Traitors and won.
I know that people can learn and change and grow, but I can’t help but also feel like not everyone who gets the opportunity to rebrand deserves it, and that most of the time, they haven’t actually changed or learned anything or grown in the time between getting caught and their new opportunity.
One thing that has been proven to work is CBS ensuring that half of the cast is a person of color.
Because of that initiative, we got the first all Black alliance, created by Tiffany, who is now on The Traitors, and a Big Brother house of all Black people for sixish weeks straight for the first time in Big Brother history, guaranteeing the first Black winner in the United States flagship version.
There were four more Black and brown winners after that, with three winners being Black women, meaning since their initiative, Black people and people of color actually had a chance and succeeded in winning.
I think we as an audience need to continue speaking up when things aren’t right, because I don’t think those initiatives would’ve gone into place if people didn’t call out racist moments or call out the lack of diversity. We need to amplify when Black contestants are able to speak honestly about their experiences on reality tv.
I think studios and production companies need to be serious about their diversity initiatives, regardless of whatever’s going on in DC. Having one Black person doesn’t make for a diverse environment, and it can often be alienating. Like be serious about it and put protections into place.
They should also provide tools and support for the Black (and brown) contestants to be able to cope with the world they are a part of both on screen and off screen, and whether they’re or not they’re new to reality tv.
And they should also be self-censoring and have real diversity within their production team, behind the camera, who can easily spot when things are going left, who can understand the experiences of the contestants, who can decide the best course of action for the perpetrator, and who can stop editors and showrunners from leaning into racist stereotypes.
The unsettling reality though, is that you can be surrounded by Black people, and still be in racist situations, be mocked for your proportions, and still be stereotyped. Like we’ve seen this happen in America’s Next Top Model.
So obviously it’s not as simple as just being diverse when there are systemic issues at play too, but you have to start somewhere.
The irony
There’s some irony in this being the podcast episode today because I’ve been watching The Traitors and talking about the show on threads. And I do have a bit of an unpopular opinion about what’s going on this season.
But I want to be clear.
I do think that there have been instances of unconscious bias on the show. Peppermint’s elimination in the past is an example. This season, Tiffany’s and Ron’s eliminations felt unjust and unfair and they were soaked in unconscious bias, and we only saw part of it. I can only imagine what the roundtables felt like for them to experience in real time.
I talked about it a little in “The Traitors US S4 episode”, so I’m not going to get deep into what happened here, but when I watched those episodes, I felt the double standards and the biased opinions getting spewed out, even though there were no real reason to suspect either of them as traitors.
Because what does a Black woman’s laugh sound like, Eric?
And they’d been trying to get rid of Ron for a while. It seemed just because they weren’t meshing with him socially…is the real reason.
But I posted on threads, and I still feel like, while there are moments that were steeped in unconscious bias, it’s not as severe as people are making it out to be. That doesn’t mean not to talk about those moments, but I think people are being disingenuous when they talk about show in general.
In my opinion, there have been a lot of game moves that are said to be racist or misogynistic, that could also just be smart game moves because there were strategic reasons for why certain moves could’ve been made, but people don’t want to listen to that part.
People are talking about how all the Black people have been eliminated before the end, and while that’s true, I think biases are only the case for 2 out of the 5 eliminations. Granted, it could be 0, but I just don’t think it’s fair to assign it as like the face of the season.
I think that there were two moments of unconscious bias that should be talked about at length.
And maybe a case could be made for Porsha, because she got out so early, but at the same time Ron and Candaice, who are both Black, also made her look suspicious throughout the episode and the roundtable. And I’m not going to go on a whole rant about how Candaice made herself look suspicious and made it so she seems unreliable, even though I really could and I have on threads, but I don’t think biases, unconscious or not, played a big role in her elimination or how things have played out since then.
I think she caused her own demise for the most part, and if there was any biases it was like 10% of what happened to her.
And, the thing is that unconscious biases are baked into the game because reality tv doesn’t just become a utopia just because it’s on tv. There are choices that production and casting can make to mitigate the racism Black people experience on reality tv, like having unconscious bias training, like not casting racist people.
But people on the show, celebrities or not, have different backgrounds, perspectives, world views, life experiences, whatever you want to call it, and everyone has their own unconscious biases, so it’s part of the game, and really it’s a part of every game in some way.
But I think there are valid strategic reasons for why certain games moves were made this season that people are neglecting.
Think about it. You think that Cirie is sweet because she reminds you of your mom or your sister. You don’t trust Michael Rappaport because he’s Michael Rappaport. You don’t expect Maura Higgins or Rob Rausch to know how to navigate a game like this because they’re from a love reality show. And you expect gamers to be smart and cutthroat because they’re gamers.
We all have biases and in a game where you’re constantly accusing everyone and you can’t trust anyone, you’ll come up with reasons why it has to be this person and why it can’t be this person depending on your position in the game.
Biases don’t have to be harmful and I don’t think majority of the biases we’ve seen this season outside of those two eliminations were actually harmful or causing harm to anybody.
Besides those two eliminations. I want to stress that I think those two eliminations were seeped in unconscious bias. Those two were very problematic. Should be talked about. I’ve already talked about it already. But yeah, those two definitely should be talked about but to say that the game as a whole has those same undertone I think is false.
But anyway, back to what I was talking about unfortunately, bias in all forms are baked into games like this, so when I see people talking about this season and talk about the biases that they feel what they saw, I think that there’s a lot of projection,
And I get it. I spent over fifteen minutes explaining how reality tv can be racist and rough to watch. I’ve given examples of how racism and microaggressions have showed up on reality tv in the past, and I think the dynamics and the privileges people have this season coupled with the way the world is right now can just be triggering inherently.
But I also need us to take a deep breath and take some steps back sometimes. Because, like I keep saying, there were two very real eliminations that had racist and microaggressive undertones to it, and the show in general is a prime environment for biases to breed, especially in the beginning when you don’t have much to go off of, but I also think it’s worth saying that Black people don’t always play a perfect game and they don’t always have to play a perfect game in these types of shows and sometimes they make choices themselves that get them eliminated. Black people’s games on shows like this can and should be critiqued.
It’s not just reality tv
I’ve been talking about reality tv, but everything I’ve said applies outside of reality tv too.
A few days ago, Manon was announced to be “taking a hiatus” from Katseye. Though I think there are valid critiques of how Katseye is being used and of their songs quality, even though Gnarly is a banger, I’m sorry, argue with your mama, you can’t deny their influence and how hard each and every one of them have worked. And still Manon, the only Black girl in the group, is being called lazy? I don’t think it’s a reach to think or say that it seems like, allegedly, she’s being pushed out.
We saw people lose their minds when Halle was casted as The Little Mermaid and continue to see people forget how to act as other characters in adaptations get casted with a Black person in the role.
Corporations and the country have lost their minds, with some even going as far to roll back their DEI and diversity initiatives.
A man with Tourette’s just shouted out the N word on stage to two Black people. I don’t want to talk about that ‘cause I don’t think he had racist intentions. I think that there’s misinformation about Tourette’s and I think you guys are being ableist. Maybe not you, but you know what I mean. But anyways, what I do think and what I do want to say is that the situation gave an opportunity for white people to show their whole asses on social media.
The unfortunate reality is that reality tv will continue to be racist until we progress as a society, and unfortunately there are people in place right now who don’t want that progression. But, it doesn’t mean we can’t use our voices.
I hope we continue to speak up and speak out and call a spade a spade. I hope those involved in reality tv’s production do better than they have done so far.
There’s room to grow and change so here’s to hoping they actually do so and do so for the better.
Conclusion
You can visit my blog www.ihavetosay.blog. I’m on instagram @ihavetosay with three ys like ihavetosayyy. I’m on threads at lyssa_posts_ and I hope you’ll join me on this podcasting journey and subscribe.
Next week, I am taking a little break. I have a medical situation I am dealing with and I need to rest. Maybe, I’ll talk about it, if not on the podcast then on my blog. I’ve talked about it before on my personal instagram and on my blog, but…we’ll see how I feel.
After I come back though to podcasting, I’m planning to either have a reality tv chat or rank Brigerton. Not sure which I’ve landed on, but I post schedules, that are subject to change, on my Instagram if you’re interested.
Okay. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for being here. Bye bye.