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Two ex-Mormon women in their 20's. Both queer. Both divorced. Both ready to share the ins-and-outs of Mormonism and what it's like to leave.
Karina Vance (00:00)
Welcome brothers and sisters and other siblings, it's me, Karina.
Sammi (00:04)
And I'm Sammi welcome to Peculiar People: An ex -Mormon Podcast.
Karina Vance (00:09)
You can find us on social media on Instagram,
TikTok, and Reddit and it's all under @peculiar people exmo.
You can also find us on Patreon
patreon .com slash peculiar people exmo and you can subscribe and get exclusive content.
Sammi (00:27)
So today we wanted to shake it up a little bit. We know that our episode last week was really heavy. And so we decided that this week we're gonna keep it more lighthearted and talk about just some really weird and funny things that you experience in the Mormon church, especially like during your youth and young adult years.
Karina Vance (00:44)
Hahaha
Yeah, so whenever you're a Mormon, there's kind of like different milestones you cross, I guess, on like once you reach a certain age, you're allowed to do different things. when you're 12, that's when you get to start going to like the teenage youth groups. And when you are 12, you have young women's and then the boys have young men's and young women's. have summer camps where we go to girls camp every summer.
And then when you're 14, you can also start going to church dances and they usually have dances that are called stake dances. So it's basically like your regional, all the regional congregations come together and then you have big dances together. At 14, you can also go to bigger activities. There's EFY, which I think has a different name now, but I don't remember what it is.
Sammi (01:47)
Yeah, think it's FSY now because
Karina Vance (01:51)
for the strength of youth.
Sammi (01:55)
Yeah, for the strength of youth, think is what the acronym is now. Because before it was especially for youth, right? I never went. Yeah.
Karina Vance (01:58)
Okay.
I think so, yeah. And then there's also...
like stake conferences, like weekend youth conferences. you'd like, again, like the regional areas get together and have little weekend activities. And then when you're 16, you can start dating. And then usually when you start dating, they encourage you to go on group dates for at least the first couple of years to kind of, well, pretty much to keep kids from being alone with each other so you don't sin.
Sammi (02:37)
yeah.
Karina Vance (02:40)
And then, you know, after that, then you move on to college. And if you go to BYU, at least they still have the dances and like big activities and all kinds of other stuff that you can go to. But there's definitely a lot of cringe along the way because you're already an awkward teenager. And then you throw in a religion that definitely makes you look different from everyone else and then get to laugh at our childhoods.
Sammi (03:08)
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot to look back on that I'm just like wow wow wow wow that was a special time but here we are and Can laugh back now. That's what it's what's important
Karina Vance (03:26)
for sure. So all the way back in girls camp, turn the clock all the way back to 12 years old. A lot of it is regular summer campy stuff. So you have swimming and hiking and like different activities and crafts. But what made it different is since it was church ran, you'd also have a lot of church activities and some of them were super goofy.
Most obvious was probably the girls camp skits. Do you have any good one?
Sammi (04:01)
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. We, I remember when I think it was my first year of girls camp. So when I would have been like 12, we did this one where I think it was about like dating and how you're probably focusing on how you're not supposed to like really pair off until you're older, like an adult.
But I just remember us dressing up as guys, which is the whole thing in Mormonism. You're not supposed to cross dress.
Karina Vance (04:40)
I forgot they did teach that yeah you're not supposed to cross dress.
Sammi (04:45)
Yeah, but I just remember I took on the role of this really, really goofy, very geeky guy with like suspenders and I had this like walk that I would do where I basically like kick my leg out all the way before I take a step. It was just, it was so hilarious and so much fun.
there was also like a lifeguard and I think we like, he was wearing like a sweatshirt and we put toilet paper rolls in his sweatshirt so he'd have big muscles.
Karina Vance (05:23)
Yes! I love that.
Sammi (05:25)
It was so good. It was so good. But yeah, Girls Camp skits were something else. And I honestly feel like though, that over time, maybe I'm remembering this wrong, but I feel like over time, like it kind of felt like they tried to suck some of the fun element out of it and tried to make it way more spiritual than just fun and silly.
Karina Vance (05:46)
sure. No, I don't think that was just you because I remember some of the later years. I don't remember exactly what we did, but it was more like spiritual topics, spiritual music, and less just like we're a bunch of girls being silly and having fun. And remember, I know we had one where we dressed up as pioneers.
Sammi (06:06)
Yeah.
Wait, like a Trek? Or just a skit? Okay.
Karina Vance (06:14)
We had a little... We did do Trek, but there was just a girls camp skit where we did it and we had like bonnets on and stuff. I don't even remember what we did but we looked so, so goofy. It was great.
Sammi (06:28)
my goodness. Wow. I do miss doing skits and stuff like that. That was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. But yeah, I guess another another thing to touch on is Trek is basically like cosplaying being the Mormon pioneers crossing the plains and you like literally you literally grab a frickin handcart and have like your family air quotes that you
spend like a few days to a week with just random people who are also Mormon and you literally walk through fields or forests, pulling a handcart and camping in the woods without tents and like cooking your own food over a fire, which you know, that can be cool and that can be fun. know people do that as a hobby, but when you're just a bunch of kids and you're cosplaying people who suffered and died, yikes.
Karina Vance (07:26)
Did you ever do it?
Sammi (07:28)
I did do it. It was an interesting experience.
Karina Vance (07:31)
Same.
Yeah, on mine, I think it was four days, but we had multiple river crossings in ours. Not like, not big rivers where you'd have to swim, but they were still super inconvenient. And when you're a 14 year old girl, you have like zero strength. So when it's like half of your, your little family is trying to push this cart, you know, back up the bank, it was rough.
Sammi (07:44)
my god.
Yeah
Karina Vance (08:05)
I was like, I am not cut out for this. Plus, like, I don't know what the requirements for your clothing were, but we had to have the dresses and the aprons and the, like, bloomers to go under it. And when you have that many layers, it is so hot in middle of summer. And I had tall socks and boots on because I didn't want to get bugs.
Sammi (08:06)
Yeah, no. Yeah, no.
Mm -hmm.
my god.
Yeah.
Karina Vance (08:33)
And I was miserable the whole time. So I'm I'm so sweaty and it's hot and I can't even like sleep in a tent. We slept on the ground. It was just definitely learning life and what they went through to cross,
Sammi (08:46)
Yeah.
Right.
Karina Vance (08:51)
I was like, this is supposed to be fun. I didn't sign up for this.
Sammi (08:55)
I know for real. Yeah, we definitely wore like the pioneer dresses. I think we probably had aprons, bonnets, and the guys were all wearing like button down shirts and suspenders and while wearing big boots, long socks. Yeah, it was very hot and sweaty and just like we weren't even showering for how many ever days we were out wandering in the forest. Like
think that we had a river crossing as well. And then there was this one point where we're going to have to do an episode on like the pioneers crossing. We could probably do several episodes because there's lots of crazy stories. but, there was one point in my track where they pretended that the Mormon battalion left. like all of the guys left and it's just us women.
Karina Vance (09:48)
And the women did it? Yup.
Sammi (09:50)
Yep. And they made us climb this giant ass hill with just the women. And we could see the men at the top of the hill. We could see them and they were standing there watching us and or like, I don't know if they were supposed to be watching us. I don't even remember. But. The like pure death that we experienced.
Karina Vance (09:58)
Yes.
Sammi (10:21)
doing that it was awful and like what were we thinking? Yeah.
Karina Vance (10:24)
Yeah, it was so hard. Yeah, for ours, the men like lined up all the way up the hill so they could like watch us struggle. And then when you take out all the manpower and you leave it to just women, it was so hard. And we got to the point where like half of the group was pushing one card at a time just to like try to get it up and then go back down and start again. So I went up and down that hill, probably
Sammi (10:34)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, we did that too.
Karina Vance (10:54)
I don't know how many times. Just trying to get them all up there while they're just standing around watching us burn...
Sammi (10:57)
Yeah.
Right, right. And I remember in the moment thinking, like, wow, that was like such an empowering experience. And I can't imagine how the guys are feeling right now because they had to just watch us do that. But like how fucked up to tell these guys, these youth, you have to just pretend you're not here. Just watch them suffer. my God. The worst.
Karina Vance (11:24)
Yeah. Yeah. At the end of the week, they have like the testimony meeting. So people get up and like talk about how faith building it was. And I remember a lot of people got up and were talking about, know, it made their faith so much bigger. was such a good growing experience. And the whole time I was sitting there like, I just want to go home.
Sammi (11:48)
Yeah, I need to shower badly.
Karina Vance (11:51)
I just, yeah, would walk on it with fond memories, but for now, like, I'm not having fun and I just want to go
Sammi (11:58)
Yeah, definitely. Speaking of testimony meetings, my God, were your testimony meetings at girls camp? Just like, my God, just like someone starts crying. It's weird to talk about because I like people's emotions are valid, but I feel like people would start crying because they thought they were feeling the spirit.
The way that I interpret the spirit now is just like my body is capable of making emotions and having me feel big emotions. And that's what I was experiencing every time that I thought that I was feeling the spirit. someone starts crying because they're feeling this elevated emotion. And then everyone else starts crying and then everyone is crying and hugging and
Karina Vance (12:53)
I'm still that way. I made their sympathy crier, so if someone starts, I'm gonna join
Sammi (12:57)
Yeah Yeah, no me too, but like it was just such a surreal experience having like hundreds of girls potentially just everyone's crying and feeling This just hugely elevated Emotion and I look back and I'm like what in the actual world like to think
Karina Vance (13:12)
Alright.
Sammi (13:27)
I thought of it one way before, you know, I definitely thought that that was the spirit or, you know, God confirming that these things that we were talking about were true, but clearly the evidence points in a different direction. And yeah, yeah.
Karina Vance (13:47)
Also, as an autistic woman, sometimes people would start crying but I wouldn't totally get it. So I'd be like, there's 10 people crying right now, should I be crying? And then they'd like way overthinking it where I'm like, this what I'm supposed to do when I get my testimony?
Sammi (14:09)
right, yeah, yeah, and I feel like it kind of even becomes like a kind of like not showing off, but sort of where you're like, I'm supposed to do this certain thing. That's what I mean, the church tells you when you feel the spirit, this thing and this thing and this other thing are going to happen. And so you kind of put yourself into this like box
This is what this is supposed to look like. So like you said, when people start crying, you're like, I guess I should cry too, maybe. Bring on the waterworks.
Karina Vance (14:40)
Yeah, cause like I said, I'm still a sympathy crier and there was still plenty of times I did, but sometimes I didn't and then I was like, am I not feeling the spirit hard enough? Like do I need to be moved to the point of tears?
Sammi (14:56)
Right. Yeah. Yeah. And that opens a whole other can of worms with like, if you're not experiencing the high emotion that other people around you are when they're feeling the spirit, then apparently you're not worthy enough, you know, apparently need to do more to be more spiritual so that you will also cry. What the fuck?
Karina Vance (15:21)
Yeah.
Sammi (15:23)
Oh boy.
Karina Vance (15:24)
Testimony meetings are just goofy.
Sammi (15:27)
They are so goofy. Did you ever have like, I'm sure you did. They, that happens in every ward that I've ever been to. By the way, I have noticed that sometimes we are really good at explaining words that are very Mormon words. And sometimes we just say them without even thinking about it. And I know that the mass majority of our listeners are never Mormon, or I at least assume so.
Ward is a word for a congregation that's within your geographical area. So as an example, where I grew up in Michigan, my ward consisted of my county, basically. If you're somewhere like Utah, it's going to be like your block because it's so saturated with Mormons.
Karina Vance (16:17)
Yeah, think my married Ward was like two square blocks.
Sammi (16:23)
Yeah, that's wild. There's literally, if you've never been to Utah, there's literally a church on like almost every corner. It's crazy. But yeah, word testimony meetings where there'll be someone who goes up and shares their whole life story or just like over shares to the point that you're like, bro.
Karina Vance (16:32)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, some people got a little too in -depth on their, like, personal struggles where you're like... Maybe you didn't. Maybe you didn't need to share that with the class.
Sammi (16:53)
It's better.
And now everyone knows.
Yeah. For real. So awkward. Ugh. And then, did you ever
Karina Vance (17:10)
Do you ever have any like off the wall people?
Sammi (17:15)
Yeah, there were definitely some off the wall people. and also
Karina Vance (17:18)
like a boy who came in and she started talking about how like she had a vision from God herself and then she like met some guy who was a real prophet and then she started talking about this other random book.
Sammi (17:37)
my gosh.
Karina Vance (17:38)
She was like, came to me the same way it came to Joseph Smith and this is true and like just telling her her little story and I remember everyone in the congregation was like super uncomfortable because A, this has nothing to do with Mormonism and B, you're like, is she okay? What's going on?
Sammi (17:45)
Yeah.
goodness. Yeah, I this wasn't in a testimony meeting but there was this one time when I was on my mission that I think we had finished our meetings for our ward, but there was another ward meeting in the same building and this guy walked in and my companion and I walked up to him didn't recognize him and we were
Hey, like, can we help you? And he ended up being like, basically like, I have the blood of the savior in me and I am the savior. like, talking about how his like, ancestry proved that he was the chosen one and he was like, and I've been to lots of churches and I feel like your church just really needs my message. And we were like,
We're not the leaders here. So you might want to talk to them. And at the time, like the other ward was in their sacrament meeting. And, so we were like, he was like, if you want, really want to talk to someone about that, you'll have to wait, but, it was just really interesting to come into contact with someone who, yeah, some people.
Mental health is really hard and I can understand like some people definitely going through that stuff, but it's very interesting to see just some things that we saw or heard.
Karina Vance (19:39)
Mm -hmm.
Sammi (19:41)
Yeah. yeah, circling back to girls camp, something weird was that like, I mean, the modesty culture in general in, in the Mormon churches is real strong. but there was definitely like a one piece only policy, at least in my girls camp. Was it the same for you?
Karina Vance (20:10)
Yeah, you could have a two -piece if the top, you know, went all the way down to cover your stomach completely. And then if you're me and you have a really long torso, it was definitely a struggle to even find swimsuits that I could wear because the one piece were like horribly uncomfortable. And the two pieces I could get almost all the way to the bottom, but like not quite.
Sammi (20:29)
yeah.
Aw.
Karina Vance (20:39)
I usually either swim in shorts, a sports bra, and a t -shirt, or I'd have my swimsuit on and then throw some shorts on so I could pull them up higher.
Sammi (20:52)
Mmm, yeah.
Karina Vance (20:53)
Some of the kids would follow the rules and they would still get asked to put t -shirts on, which always like pissed me
Sammi (21:00)
Yeah, yeah, me too. I remember at least one summer at my girls camp, we were definitely required to wear t -shirts over swimsuits that were like perfectly modest and why do they even need to be? But yeah, it's a little annoying and crazy that that was a requirement.
Karina Vance (21:24)
Us Mormons just slap t -shirts over or under everything.
Sammi (21:28)
Literally! That's a
Karina Vance (21:31)
better or for worse? Usually for worse.
Sammi (21:37)
Yeah, and I feel like that is a great segue into Mormon dances.
Karina Vance (21:41)
yeah.
Sammi (21:43)
So, yeah, go ahead
Karina Vance (21:48)
I did - my mom only bought me dresses that were modest, that had sleeves. But I had a couple of dances where I didn't, because I borrowed one from a friend that was strapless, and so my options were to either wear a t -shirt under it, or I had to wear a sweater over it, and the t -shirt looked so bad, so I had a sweater over it, but it was still, like, really tacky because it didn't match at all.
Sammi (21:53)
Mmm.
my god.
Karina Vance (22:16)
I was like, is the only sweater I got.
Sammi (22:19)
Yeah, no, for real. I literally remember, my gosh, I wonder if you also had this experience. There was this one dance. So Mormon dances sometimes are super casual, like jeans and a t -shirt, whatever, but sometimes they're like a formal or like a mock prom sort of thing. And I remember this one dance, I think it was at least semi -formal if not formal, that at the door, everyone had to check in
And they were doing modesty checks as you walked into the girls only because the boys, doesn't matter. Fuck the patriarchy and they literally had a box of assorted sweaters, t -shirts, whatever that they were making girls put on over their beautiful dresses that they had probably just felt like absolute princesses in. Like.
Karina Vance (22:53)
Mm -hmm.
Sammi (23:16)
Excuse me, no thank you. But yeah, I also definitely had various like cardigan, shrug, whatever you want to call it to put over everything. But then also like those down east basic t -shirts to wear under everything.
Karina Vance (23:33)
Yep, I got a bunch of those when I went to college and before that I didn't have those so I just wore
basic like t -shirt t -shirts.
Sammi (23:45)
Yeah. Yeah.
Karina Vance (23:46)
So they weren't even tight. So like if the top was tighter, then it would like bunch up. And then my giant piece that seems to be sticking out is great.
Sammi (23:53)
Oh no. my god.
Karina Vance (23:59)
Yeah, because most of the things we had to wear were whack! Because like, we had some where they do head, shoulders, knees, and toes. And then like, if you showed anything, they were like, ope! gotta go.
Sammi (24:04)
Definitely.
Yikes.
Karina Vance (24:14)
And I had one friend that had like, flutter sleeves. So if you pulled the top down, it was long enough, but since it was like all gathered, it would like stand up a little. And someone got on to her for that. She had to change. I was like, it has a sleeve just because it lays differently. And you see like half an inch of the top of her shoulder. They're
Sammi (24:20)
Mm -hmm.
Oh no, shoulders. Porn shoulders, everyone.
Karina Vance (24:41)
Something about more than
I don't know what the appeal is,
Sammi (24:47)
We're both showing our shoulders if you're not watching us on Patreon. Yeah, the modesty culture in general, like, just as some background, no shoulders as we said, those are porny, like, don't sign me up for that. Basically, like, no boobs hanging out, no stomach, no back, anything you wore on your legs needed to go down to your knees.
at least and yeah very just like the bane of my existence especially as a youth I hated it like I always wanted to wear things I was like actually comfortable in like how revolutionary is that but also if you don't know me I am definitely part of the big titty committee and
It is not easy covering up big boobs. Like no matter what you wear, unless you're wearing something that's up to your neck, like you're always going to be pulling up your shirt. and like even, my gosh, I have memories of people pulling up my shirt for me. No, thank you. No, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes, but it's
Karina Vance (26:08)
No! I bet you it was adult, wasn't
Sammi (26:16)
Excuse me, that's a huge violation. Also, why are you so worried about this? It's because they're worried that we're going to make make the men make bad decisions because they can't keep it in their pants.
Karina Vance (26:28)
Plus the rules were super targeted because you you had people pulling up your shirt and I had friends like that. And then you get me who's the opposite. I am the no cleavage gang and I could wear as far as like depth of the neckline. I could get pretty far and no one would say a thing because they're like, eh, whatever. And then I'd have a friend wear like a plain v -neck t -shirt, but you just got like a hint of cleavage and people were like,
Sammi (26:45)
Yeah.
Karina Vance (26:59)
that is so immodest when like I could wear something lower than that and they're like, it's fine.
Sammi (27:04)
Right, yeah, that is so real. yeah, there was
Karina Vance (27:06)
It wasn't even a set rule. It was just like, you're making me uncomfortable because of something you can't control, but I need you to change
Sammi (27:14)
Because boobs.
Karina Vance (27:16)
Because boobs!
Sammi (27:19)
yeah, I would definitely, I wore lots of, lots of shirts that were modest, but I would still have to wear like a half shirt or whatever underneath it to cover up my cleavage because if not, like, I was, I gonna make the boys sin. My mom was also weird about,
Karina Vance (27:42)
We all had those camis pulled all the way up here.
Sammi (27:46)
Yeah, all the way up to your collarbone. my God. But yeah, my mom was also weird about like skinny jeans. Like I remember a few times. Yeah, a few times like going into stores for like back to school shopping or something. And I'd put on a pair of jeans and just feel like so nice, confident. And I'd walk out of the changing room and my mom would be like, hmm.
Karina Vance (27:58)
Yes.
Sammi (28:15)
No, and like I don't know if she ever said this, but it was definitely what she was like at least talking around that it was making my ass look too good. Like, I know. man.
Karina Vance (28:27)
How dare you.
Yeah, I remember because I was in high school when the ultra skinny jeans were the trend. I'm talking ultra skinny because that's when they started putting like a bunch of spandex in them so you could like, jump into their pants. And I remember like getting ones and then she'd be like, I think you should go a size up. And so I'd buy the size up and then it looked terrible because then it's
Sammi (28:38)
Yes.
Yeah, it's good old jeggings.
my god.
Karina Vance (28:59)
sagging in the wrong places.
Sammi (29:02)
no! man!
Karina Vance (29:05)
And then I'd grow a little bigger and they'd finally fit how I wanted them to. She'd be like, well, time to get you new jeans. And I'm like, damn it. I was just starting to look cute in this.
Sammi (29:17)
Yeah. Yeah, for real. And like, along the modesty culture lines, like, just like on Trek, we're hot. All. The. Time. Because you can't wear anything that is actually comfortable for the weather. How annoying. Ugh. So gross. Don't miss that. I like being comfortable in what I wear.
Karina Vance (29:33)
Yeah.
Yeah, can't believe I used to play sports in like full t -shirts with tank tops under them and long shorts. Because the first summer I went for a run in a sports bra and shorts, I was like, I think this just changed my
Sammi (29:51)
Yeah!
No, I have a picture of me when I was probably five or six wearing like a softball like tank top. It just like cut off right at the end of my shoulder and I had a t -shirt underneath it. It covers my whole ass shoulder. Mind you, I am five or six, maybe seven. Why are we worried about me covering
The rest of my shoulder. I'm a child. What is happening here? good gravy.
This episode is turning out to be maybe a little heavier than we expected, but we're laughing about it. We can laugh through it. So yeah, we experienced good old girls camp. And then once we turned 14, we got to start going to dances.
Karina Vance (30:46)
It is funny stuff.
Cool.
Sammi (31:07)
boy. Those were special. Something that I very distinctly remember is that they would tell us to dance at least a Book of Mormon apart. It was probably more than one. I just don't totally remember. But you definitely had to have space between you no touching.
Karina Vance (31:24)
I remember people saying, you should get the whole quad in there.
Sammi (31:28)
Yeah, so real. my god, you want to explain what the quad is?
Karina Vance (31:34)
Yeah, so you have your Old Testament and New Testament of the Holy Bible, which is what most Christians, you know, read and use. And then it's also got the Book of Mormon and then the Doctrine and Covenants, which is writings of the early prophets. Pretty much Joseph Smith,
Sammi (31:53)
Yeah, yes, he's a good storyteller. man, I remember though when I was at dances and a slow dance would come on, start, you know, dancing with some guy and this is so weird, but we would, there was this like almost trend going on, at least in my stake, where if you were dancing with someone,
You would literally like push yourself under another couples arms to get in between them.
I know, I remember that this week and I was like, dear God, what were we doing? But also, I had this realization that like, that definitely made us way closer to each other than we should have ever been at a Mormon
Karina Vance (32:52)
Haha
Sammi (32:55)
So maybe it was just a loophole.
Karina Vance (32:58)
Yeah, I definitely did not do that
Sammi (33:03)
my god, it's hilarious.
man, do you have any
Karina Vance (33:07)
have some awkward dances. Plus, I don't know about you, but like for us, they tell you like not to dance with the same person like too many times in a row that you should like rotate and dance with other people. But then once you got through like your three guy friends that you like, then you had to start actually dancing with like people where you're like, do I have to? But they also will be like, if a boy asks you to date, say yes, because it's polite.
Sammi (33:21)
Mm -hmm.
Right. Yeah.
Karina Vance (33:37)
I'm like, I can say "No" you're allowed to do that, but sure, I'll dance with these sweaty, stinky 14 -year -old boys.
Sammi (33:46)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, it's yeah, they definitely teach you that you don't really have a choice which is problematic in so many ways But yeah, I definitely Hmm. I was a very boy crazy youth and I took the dances and just really any youth activity Especially at the stake level
where I was around a bunch of more boys that I like wasn't super familiar with. I took it so seriously to the point that I was like basically looking for my future husband everywhere I went. Which is so crazy. Yeah. And...
Karina Vance (34:29)
At 14 years old.
I'm gonna find him. And he's gonna be a 16 year old boy, cause I like the older boys.
Sammi (34:37)
Oh my god.
Literally. But yeah, I just like, definitely got some hardcore crushes on some guys, which of course that's very normal as a teenager, but not like a normal crush. It was like, I can imagine my whole entire future with this guy that I just met and danced with one time. I could see it in his eyes.
Karina Vance (35:07)
Yes, we even had whole activities at Young Woman's like planning our future weddings. I would be there but we made these jars and it was like I want my dress to be like this and I want my husband to be like this and we're gonna get married at this temple and like all this just crazy stuff where it's
Sammi (35:09)
Eh?
Oh barf.
Yeah, yeah,
Karina Vance (35:33)
I opened it when I got engaged and all the stuff I wrote down was so dumb.
Sammi (35:38)
I bet. my god.
Karina Vance (35:42)
but it made for a funny time capsule, because I was just like, well, I don't think any of this came true, but it's funny to look at.
Sammi (35:51)
Right. That's so real. I remember making lists too of like, this is what I want my future husband to be like. And I feel like I've heard, and I think this was probably true of me too, that a lot of my qualifiers for my future husband were very church -based. So it was like priesthood holder and RM, which means return missionary and service oriented. And you know, all of these other
Attributes that are very Mormon specific and that's not to say this like not all of them were poor but like a lot of them were very Surface level and not actually caring about like I want my future husband to be Kind and I want him to you know have
Karina Vance (36:37)
Mhm
Sammi (36:50)
hobbies that we can do together and just like things that actually matter. No, it was all very like make sure that he's the most worthy so he can he can get me into heaven because I'm not capable of doing that by myself as a woman.
Karina Vance (37:06)
Yeah, I definitely had those and then I had the typical dumb teenager thing so I was like, super tall, six pack ab, filthy rich I was like, I will accept nothing less.
Sorry, were you ready? And I was like, no. This is just bad.
Sammi (37:25)
That's amazing.
That's so funny. One other really distinct memory that I have from like church dances is I was super into Imagine Dragons when I was a youth and they're still great.
Karina Vance (37:47)
Yeah, wasn't the singer like a Mormon?
Sammi (37:51)
I think he was. I'm pretty sure he left the church. I could be wrong
Karina Vance (37:55)
I remember just everyone loving it though.
Sammi (37:58)
Yeah, yeah. But I went up to the DJ and requested, hey, can we turn on Demons by Imagine Dragons? And he said no. Why? Because it talks about demons.
But if you listen to the lyrics of that song, it is actually about, it's very uplifting Yes, exactly, but just because they use the word demons and talking about, guess maybe it could have some parallels with like demons and being possessed and stuff like that if you have demons inside. But bro, have you listened to that song? What?
Karina Vance (38:21)
It's a good, uplifting song.
Yeah, to go off that, the dances, since you can't have songs that cuss, you can't have songs that say anything like sexually suggestive, since you can't have anything that's like too dark, I feel like all of our dances always had like the same handful of songs every
Sammi (39:05)
Yes, that is so real.
Karina Vance (39:07)
As soon as I hear them now, I just immediately go back to being a 14 year old with a dress and a t -shirt under it and ballet flats with terribly curled hair.
Sammi (39:23)
my god, yeah, that is very accurate. I remember lots of Mormon dances where we'd all just be in this big circle and random person would go in and do some crazy backflips or whatever and then just go back in the circle. was very, I don't know, okay, I never went to school dances, so I don't know what those are like,
I mean, you and I were talking earlier about the fact that like, there's this just different level of confidence that Mormons have with dances.
Karina Vance (39:57)
Mm -hmm. For sure
Sammi (40:02)
And I think that that might have been part of that for sure.
Karina Vance (40:05)
Yeah, because at our school dance, like some of the kids are really worried about like looking cool. Or like if you're going to dance, have to know how to dance. But I feel like it's the Mormon ones, like all of us goofy kids were just like, I'm going to do the robot really poorly. And then I'm going to jump around and like play on my arms. And then I'm going to do the high school musical dance that I learned when I was 12, because I still know that
Sammi (40:23)
Okay.
Yes, and then all of the like Mormon specific choreographed dances.
Fancy, fancy. Oh man, yeah. This is like so cringy for me to admit, but the reason that I didn't go to school dances is that I would literally say this to people. What was I thinking? I would say, I don't wanna go to school dances and just watch people making babies on the dance floor.
Karina Vance (41:08)
Honey, I don't think that's what making babies is.
Sammi (41:12)
I know. But I was definitely just, it was very like on a high horse sort of thing. Where I was like, I don't want to see people grinding on each other. And I don't want to listen to their heathen music that has swear words, which brings us to our next topic.
Karina Vance (41:20)
Yeah.
swear words.
Sammi (41:41)
my god. I would literally, if anyone swore around me when I was in middle school or high school, I would say, please use nice words.
Please use nice words.
Karina Vance (41:59)
See, I was the kid who was secretly cussing like a sailor in high school. But as I got home, I was like, oh heck. What the?
Sammi (42:07)
I love
my gosh! That's a whole other thing, the Mormon slang.
Karina Vance (42:15)
just getting more creative with our stupid words.
Sammi (42:19)
Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever hear the, the song, who's it by? There's this like Mormon group. They sing this song. It's like, dang heck oh my fetch, what the holy scrud, H -E double hockey sticks I don't even remember the rest, but it's so bad
Karina Vance (42:44)
But it reminds me of the good place whenever they can't curb.
Sammi (42:48)
my gosh, so real. That's such a good show. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah, and the thing is is that we were making a slang so that we weren't swearing, but generally our slang was very close to the actual thing.
Karina Vance (42:50)
so
Yeah, I remember some parents like getting on to us because they were like, sure, you're not saying the actual word, but you're still alluding to a curse word, so it doesn't matter what you say, it's still bad.
Sammi (43:17)
Right. Yes.
Karina Vance (43:18)
I was like, what do you want me to say?
Sammi (43:22)
Right, and it's just such a way to like other Mormon youth by making, you just make them so weird that they can't even like fit into the culture of the youth around them. If they can't talk like them, they can't dress like them, they can't express themselves basically in any way. Yeah.
boy. Wow, what a time?
there's like so much more that we could talk about. We have a long list of things that we could continue talking about that are just so cringy, being a Mormon youth and young adult, but we're running out of time for today. So we're definitely going to do another episode in the future.
Karina Vance (44:13)
Yeah, so if you want to hear more about dating and college and sex and other random things, then totally stick around for a part two because all of it's goofy. Also, for all of you listening, if you can go ahead and rate us on whatever platform you're on, that would be great because ratings will help us get more visibility and we would love that
Sammi (44:38)
Yeah, that would be super duper cool. If you haven't followed us on TikTok, Instagram, threads, Reddit, also make sure to do that and hit the subscribe button wherever you listen as well because that will let you know when our new episodes drop. They normally drop on Sunday mornings for public release on Patreon. They'll be out on Thursday evening, so you have them for your morning commute.
But yeah, we love your support. We're so grateful for
Karina Vance (45:13)
Yes, thank you guys. We will see you next time
Sammi (45:18)
See ya, bye!