Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Practical communication strategies you can use immediately at work and beyond.
How do you speak up when a conversation is moving faster than you can think? What should you do when emotions threaten to derail your listening? And how can you give honest feedback to a boss who doesn’t seem interested in hearing it?
In this Ask Matt Anything episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, host Matt Abrahams answers listener questions from the Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community on some of the most challenging workplace communication scenarios. From practical techniques for inserting your ideas into fast-paced meetings to strategies for managing emotions and delivering feedback upward, Matt shares actionable advice to help you communicate with greater confidence, clarity, and impact.

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 Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:02) - Speaking Up in Meetings
  • (04:42) - Listening Through Emotion
  • (07:58) - Giving Feedback Upward
  • (13:29) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.

Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

Matt Abrahams: Getting
your voice heard is hard.

My name is Matt Abrahams, and I
teach Strategic Communication at

Stanford Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to this Quick Thinks, Ask
Matt Anything episode of Think

Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.

I recently held another AMA in our Think
Fast Talk Smart Learning Community.

As usual, it was lively and fun.

Listen in as I answer questions
about wedging comments into

conversations, giving feedback
to a superior, and much more.

Well, hello everybody.

Thank you for joining me for this
month's Ask Matt Anything, AMA, and I

love to see all the questions that are
coming in, so let's jump right into it.

I have a question here that's asking,
"I have something to say in a meeting,

but there's so much going on all
at once. How do I get my point in?

How do I insert my point of view?"
And this can be very challenging.

I totally understand.

I call this, actually, wedging.

We wanna make sure that we wedge our
point of view into the conversation,

but we wanna do so in a timely manner.

I know I've been there thinking about,
"How do I say what I wanna say?"

And then the conversation has
moved beyond my contribution.

So we do really need to get in and get
in quick, but how do we do it so we

don't look overly assertive or rude?

To my mind, there are really three
ways to do this, and I hope one

of these three ways will help you.

First, you can ask a question.

So as the conversation is going
along and you wanna insert your

point of view, lead with a question.

"I'm curious, how would we…"
or, "I'm curious, what does

this mean?" So a question is a
great way to initially wedge.

A second way to wedge, and any of you
who've listened to me know I'm a big

fan of paraphrasing, take some key
concept that somebody has mentioned,

name it, and then give your contribution.

So imagine you're in the midst of
a meeting where people are talking

about expenses and finances.

You might say, "Cost is really
important, and in fact, one element

is." So by labeling cost, you are
summarizing what you have just heard,

and then you add your point to it.

So in addition to leveraging questions,
you can also use paraphrasing

to get your point of view in.

Finally, you can lead with an emotion.

You can say something like, "I'm concerned
about." Or, "That's very exciting."

When people hear an emotion, they'll
stop, and they'll, they wanna hear more.

So you have questions, paraphrasing,
and emotion as a way to lead.

Now, you need to know what you wanna
say before you wedge your comment in,

and a great way to do that, or at least
the way I do it, is I'll say to myself,

the bottom line of what I wanna say is.

So before I, I wedge my content
into the conversation, I'm thinking

about what is the specifics I
wanna say, so I am ready to go.

If I jump in and I'm wandering and
meandering, one, it'll be disappointing

to everybody and perhaps confusing,
and it might set me up for the next

time I want to do that in a position
or way I don't want it to be.

So take the time to use one
of these wedging techniques.

I hope that helps, and
thank you for the question.

That was a very useful question.

Another question that came in is actually
about listening and, and you know

that, uh, listening is very important
and very important to me and a skill

that I am still actively working on.

And the question is: What do you do
when you get emotional about what's

being said, either excited, concerned,
upset, sad, and yet you need to listen?

Well, first and foremost, acknowledge
and allow those emotions to come.

A lot of the times, if this is a
really important topic, we can be

trying to quell those emotions or put
them aside and, and that's not good.

The emotions are there and they're
real, and you need to acknowledge

them, but they can interfere.

So a couple things.

One, if you find yourself getting
very emotional, either positively or

negatively, and you believe it's going to
impact the interaction, the communication,

the session, whatever you're doing, I
believe what's really important to do

is call it and just say, "Hey, you know,
this is bringing up a lot for me." You

don't need to name your emotion because
that might trigger or upset somebody else.

Just say, "This is
bringing up a lot for me.

I want to take a moment or two of
a break," or, "Let's reschedule

the meeting," or, "Let me come
back to you in a little bit."

So give yourself a little bit of space
by just calling it without naming it.

Similarly, by the way, and I'm going to
come back to more about handling emotion,

if somebody else is displaying emotion,
you don't want to label their emotion.

You don't want to say, "Oh, you seem
frustrated." And they might say, "Oh

no, I'm not frustrated, I'm angry,"
and now they're even more angry.

So instead of labeling the emotion, you
can say, "I can see this is bringing

up a lot for you," or, "I hear your
passion," or, "This clearly is concerning

to you." So I'm acknowledging that I'm
seeing the emotion, feeling that emotion

from them, but I am not labeling it.

All right, so what do you do
again when you get emotional?

So one is give yourself
a little bit of space.

That is, call time out
or, or take some distance.

The other thing you can do is
psychologically distance yourself, and

this comes from the work in mindfulness.

Many of you have heard of mindfulness.

Several of you have probably studied
mindfulness, but this notion of

acknowledging the emotion you're feeling.

So you might say, "This is me feeling
frustrated," or, "This is me feeling

excited." And in so doing, you give
yourself a little bit of psychological

distance where you can then act upon it.

So rather than getting swept away with the
emotion, when you say, "Hey, this is me

feeling this way," that can help as well.

And then finally, get into your body.

So in that moment where you're starting to
feel upset, excited, concerned, whatever

it is, feel the ground with your feet.

Touch an object.

I'm touching the desk in front of me.

That can bring us back into our
bodies and out of maybe that emotional

spinning that's happening, so it
brings us back into the present.

And certainly, deep breathing can help.

So very common to have emotion
play out in our communication.

And when we're trying to listen and
listen well, it can be an interference.

It's a form of noise
that can get in the way.

That said, there are things we can do.

We can acknowledge it, announce it, and
give ourselves a little bit of a pause.

We can give ourselves distance by
recognizing to ourselves, "This is how

I'm feeling." And we can ground ourselves.

So those are ways to do it.

Now, after the fact or even before
the situation, I'm a big fan of

journaling or speaking it out
with a loved one or trusted other.

So emotion does enlarge.

It's part of being human.

It serves a purpose, but you
don't want it to interfere with

the communication you're having.

All right, I think this
will be our last question.

This question I think we've
all been in this situation.

This person has a superior, a
boss, who is not taking the time to

listen or to consider other people,
putting a lot of pressure on and

really trying to drive initiative.

How do you give feedback to a superior
when they are your superior and

they're really driving, driving,
pushing, pushing their agenda?

What can you do?

Well, first and foremost, this
is challenging, but unfortunately

for many of us, common.

And a few things I'd suggest.

One, when you are trying to give
feedback to a superior, a great

approach is to reward the positive.

So if, in fact, at some point, they
demonstrate the behaviors that you are

hoping for, or at least not demonstrating
the behaviors that you would prefer

they not do, you can reward it.

So after the fact, after the meeting,
go up to the person, call the person,

send them an email, whatever, and just
say, "I was really appreciative of how

we heard from everybody in the meeting
this time," or, "I really liked how

we decided to act on whoever's idea.

That was really cool and I think
really helpful." So you're not saying,

"Hey, it was great that you shut up
and let somebody else do the work,"

or, "Gee, it was really fantastic
that finally you didn't do this."

No, you're just rewarding the positive,
and many of us will hear that as leaders.

We want to be rewarded.

It's nice to be rewarded.

That kindergarten self of us
likes the star for the day.

So one way to deal with this situation is
to look for the positive and reward it.

Another way to do this is own it.

Own it from your perspective.

So instead of saying, "You're doing
this wrong," or, "When you do this,

it really causes this for me,"
say, "I am somebody who needs this.

You know, it's really important
for me when I do the work I do to

consider as many options as possible.

So I'm wondering if in our meetings we
can hear other opinions or have lots

of choices, 'cause that really helps
me process and more deeply understand."

A manager's job, a boss's job is to
be in service of you, to help you

in some way help them achieve their
goals, the group's goals, et cetera.

So if you come to them with something
that will help you help them or help the

group, it should open up the door to at
least them considering what you're saying.

And finally, if those two ways
don't work, I think you just have

an honest conversation, but I would
start from saying, "Hey, it's been

really helpful when you've given
me some feedback on these things."

Be very specific.

"And I'm curious if you'd be open
to me sharing something that I

think could really help me and
others." So it's an invitation for

them to be open to your feedback.

Don't just come in and say, "Gosh,
it really frustrates me when…" You

need to have these conversations.

This kind of frustration can be
really harmful for your own psyche.

It can really ruin your motivation at
work, put a lot of stress and pressure.

A great thing to do is practice this.

Find a trusted other, maybe even use
an AI tool and just speak it out.

You know, the Coach AI tool
is great for this purpose.

In fact, this is one of its major use
cases, is to talk to it, say, "This is

the situation, here's what I'm thinking
of saying," and have it play back for you.

Well, these have been really great
questions in our Ask Matt Anything, AMA.

Thank you to all of you who joined.

There were many other questions.

I, I certainly will be
responding to them in some way.

But thank you for taking the time.

Thank you for being part of the Learning
Community, and I really look forward

to hearing how you do in these very
challenging communication situations.

So with that, have a great day.

I look forward to seeing you in
our upcoming author talk, as well

as some of our upcoming quests.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for joining us for another
Quick Thinks AMA episode of Think

Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast.

To learn more on a variety of
communication topics, check out our

extensive back catalog of episodes on your
favorite player or at fastersmarter.io.

This episode was produced by Katherine
Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music is from Floyd Wonder.

With special thanks to the
Podium Podcast Company.

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