F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge | Identity Part 3 - When Your Identity is Someone Else's

Discovering True Identity and Fulfillment | Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley - Part 3

In this captivating episode of 'Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley', Christine examines the concept of individual identity and fulfillment. Inspired by a LinkedIn post and personal interactions, she delves into the differences between purely sensory pleasures and deeper self-actualization. Christine discusses societal norms, gender roles, and expectations, emphasizing the importance of understanding one's true self and not simply fulfilling societal expectations. This introspective journey reveals how identity shapes our roles, responsibilities, and happiness. Tune in as Christine offers profound insights and practical advice on aligning with your genuine self and living a more fulfilling life.

00:00 Welcome to Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley
00:54 Exploring Identity and Fulfillment
03:59 The Role of Societal Expectations
07:18 Personal Stories and Reflections
18:31 Navigating Relationships and Responsibilities
35:15 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Creators and Guests

Host

Christine (HBIC) Spratley

Dynamic Public Speaker | Change Catalyst | Career Navigation Coach

What is F*ck Fear with Christine Spratley: Living Like a Head Bitch In Charge ?

This podcast is for anyone who wants to live like an HBIC—or lives with, works with, marries, dates, or is raising one. Let’s be real: being a Head Bitch in Charge is messy, bold, and unapologetically badass. This is not a guidebook—it’s a pantry.

My guests and I will share the ingredients that we use—what’s worked and what’s failed—as we say “fuck fear” and take action to live a fulfilled life. We cover real-life hacks and deep philosophical pillars to navigate the chaos of everyday life—where some days, my only accomplishment is having a bra on and my teeth brushed.

We’re tackling the daily shit women navigate, from workplace politics to relationships, raising kids, and building careers, all with humor, audacity, and zero filters.

So, tune in—tell your friends, and even your enemies. This isn’t about aging with grace—it’s about aging with mischief, audacity, and a damn good story to tell.

28 Fuck Fear - When Your Identity is Someone Else's
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[00:00:00]

christine: tubs, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Fuck Fear with Christine Spratley. Um, I am excited about today's episode. This is three, right, Joe? Yes, part three. Three. This is three. And, um, I think we're gonna have four. I have one guest that I'm, I'm working with to try and do a close out of this,

it's about identity and we've been kind of talking about identity because I think a lot of people mistake [00:01:00] fulfillment as something exterior, um, I in the job or whatever. But it really comes from listening to your identity and who you are and, um. There was a LinkedIn, um, post, um, by a lady that really got me thinking, and then I had an interaction, um, with, a wonderful woman. And we just sat and we had an interaction. We talked and, um, which then followed up on this. So this is where this episode comes from. So the identity is when your identity is someone else's. Okay? And what I mean by that is, um, a lot of times, like I said, we think of our identity and.

It's like, well, I can't be fulfilled or I've gotta do this. And it's in conflicting with what's everybody else is wanting. And identity is not a fuck you. And fulfillment is not, oh fuck everybody else. [00:02:00] Yeah. Ah, I'll do whatever I want. That's self-centered selfishness, right? Like there's a difference and, but identity tells me.

What gives me pleasure, what's, what gives me, and I'm not just talking physical pleasure, but I'm talking just sensory of sensory of. Who am I? And this feels good, and I feel comfortable. I feel at peace. And Dr. Lolly Maney I follow her, she's, um, an AI ethicist, but she, her background is anthropology and she's Irish, she's incredible.

From what I can tell, extremely smart, extremely knowledgeable, um, but also full of just life and vivacious and, and really someone that I, I have come to really love to read her writings. And plus she's ai. Um, so I, I love that she's the, and, um, so long story short, so she did a post the other day and she was talking [00:03:00] about the two parts of.

Of, um, the wellness of your being the hedonic is the pleasure side you know, understanding the, , emotion of comfort and gratification and things like that. And it's the wellness, the wellbeing, and it focuses on that. Um, happiness. Um, e onic,, it focuses on the wellbeing of centered around meaningfulness and self-actualization. And where that looks like is when we think about our lives as women. And I've, I've started to kind of look into this deeper, and this won't be a deep dive, but it's. What does, what does our identity tell us who we are, who we are inside, not, and then what does society tell us about those two elements?

For [00:04:00] instance, pleasure. You know, they wanna a freak in the bed and the lady and, you know, on the street, you know, and it's like they, but that's what they, that's what we see society wants.

They want, they want this, you know, vivacious, sensual woman, but then outside they want the Virgin Mary and you know, motherly and all this stuff. And what's interesting, and this goes to the identity, when your identity is someone else, is who do we become? What is, what do we want? And again, going back to these two phrases.

So she wrote, um a 'cause she had done a ai, she had dated an AI app. They have an AI app. Her, her app was Billy. Heard guy was Billy and he would greet her when he came home and he learned and, and the things we crave and the things we want. And um, and so it was really interesting to read this article [00:05:00] about.

What women, um, intrinsically want in those two areas. So as you're listening to this today, and again, this is part of our identity, this is part of it, this is part of us, and I did enough research on this to get really confused, but also enough to understand that when we don't give both of those elements.

So we don't get the pleasure, we don't get the happiness we, and we don't get the meaningful purpose and things of that nature. Then we're, then we're off kilter. I mean, that's like 1 0 1, right, Joe? Yeah. But so many times I'm in a role. It's not my identity. I'm in a role that tells me this is what.

Pleasure is for women. This is what should make you happy. I mean, it's, it's really easy. I mean, look at examples. The, the traditional gender roles of [00:06:00] responsibilities and behaviors. Look at society. We get dolled. There's nothing wrong with that, but this is what's gonna make you happy. How do you know a truck might not make her happy?

We, we just assume that's what's gonna make her happy, is the nurturing characteristics of that. 'cause she's a woman or she's a girl, right? I. So it's just interesting. So when I sit there and I talk about fulfillment, 'cause I've gotten a lot of comments, um, back and it's a lot of very positive, but some that were like, well, you just wanna go do what you wanna do.

at the detriment of others. And it's not that, that's not fulfillment. Fulfillment is understanding my identity and giving. Life to it, breathing life into it, understanding what makes me happy, understanding what makes me pleasure, understanding what my purpose is in doing that purpose.

And if that conflicts with others and I'm not doing it in a harmful or selfish way, well then. Maybe you should go find somebody [00:07:00] else or go be around somebody else or whatever. But I again, and that goes for me too. It's like if I'm with someone or I'm in a, in a work environment and they're not performing to what I think maybe I should go look for that to be performed by someone else.

Maybe that's not their identity, even though that is what I think that role goes to. And where this is going is I had a wonderful conversation, um, about 45 minutes and with. A woman, and we were talking about, she's, I think she's getting into her mid thirties, and we always kind of talk when I'm in there.

And, um, she was, I said, you just look like you're holding it all together, like you're holding your breath, you know? And. Ladies, I don't, I don't know if this ever happened to you. I think it always, I think it's happened to all of us where we're just like, fuck, just, I can't let, I can't, I can't let a tear because the river will come.

I can't br, I gotta hold my breath because I, you know, things [00:08:00] are just gonna fall apart. And, um, and so I said, what, you know, what's going on? I said, you deserve to be able to breathe when I was boxing, you know, you're like getting, oh, please make it through the bell. Make it through the bell.

You know, get duck weave, you know, bend, like, you know, cover up. And then you go and you sit, they hear the bell and you go sit down and you go, oh shit, you know, and get refocused. And it's like, no, you deserve to breathe all the time. Like life is not about holding it all together and it, I mean, it's just not, and if that's where you're at, I was like, what's going on?

And she says, there's just so much going on. And there is, but the one in particular was, she was doing a, and the way, this is the way she said it, she said, we moved into our house, you know, X amount of months ago, and we had. A we, and it's my son's birthday, and now everybody wants to do it all together. A [00:09:00] housewarming party and a birthday party.

Everybody wants me to do it all together. Joe, do you, do you pick up on that sentence

Joe Woolworth: that everybody wanted to do it together?

christine: Yeah.

Joe Woolworth: Like, and that she didn't wanna do it

christine: well, but everybody is expecting her to do it, right? Yeah. Like that is the expectation. So we, we were talking about expectations. I was like.

Well, it's not only what everybody else wants, but what, even if she wanted to do it, no one's pitching in. Yeah. Like, do you know? You see what I mean? So it's like the expectation is she's going to do this. Not only are we not asking and saying, well, what do you want? What's gonna be easiest? And we're we're not even going, Hey, we wanna do it this way and we'll help, you know, it's no do it this.

So we, we were talking about, and we got talking about identity and I'm like. And she's like, I'm, I'm okay with that. I just, you know, it's, it's this and it's that. And we're talking about the expectations of [00:10:00] motherhood, of, of, of all, of that. And she's like, I wanna do it. I'm, but I'm working and I'm doing this, and I'm doing that and I'm doing this other thing.

And, and it all has to be perfect. It needs to be whatever the way you want it to be. You know, it's your home. So what do you wanna show in your home and what do you want the birthday to be for your son? And the one thing I told her was, the expectations of others hold the weight as long as they become our expectations of ourselves.

The expectations of others only hold weight when they are, become my expectation of myself and they become weight with my expectation of myself. When I, if I don't know my identity, that weight can be very heavy [00:11:00] because then I'm taking on something that isn't me. Then I'm performing. And we talked about, I talked with her about, you know, we're performing this role, we're not being who we are.

And so it's amazing to me. And 'cause I started, you know how I am Joe? I'm like, okay, well what, you know, Christine, you're talking this stuff. Let's see what you're living and what are my expectations of myself and, and is that born out of my identity? Of what gives me pleasure, like truly what gives me pleasure and fulfillment and purpose.

Or is that born out of, this is what a 54-year-old woman looks like. This is what a person who has this career looks like. This is what her house looks like. This is what her bank account looks like. This is what her kids looks like. This is what her husband, or in my case, my, my, my gonna be ex-husband looks like.

You know, this is what that relationship looks. This is what her health looks like. I, I just say [00:12:00] all this because if I don't know who I am, and that's a hard thing to ask, but if I don't, then your expectation molds who I think I am, and it was just, it's, I know that right now I'm at a stage in my life where I can go.

Yeah. Okay. All right. The, no, your expectation is not part of my identity. The role might be like, I get the role, I'm a businesswoman, I'm this, I'm that, whatever. But the expectation that you have of what that is, no. And I was talking to a gentleman the other day and he was like, God, you're on social media and you do this and that and this and that.

And he's like, you're just doing it all. This is kind of intimidating. And I was like. Yeah. He's like, you're out in the arena. And I'm like, yeah, and I'm getting my ass kicked. I don't know what I'm doing out here. And that's that [00:13:00] whole thing of you see something like you see a person and you assume all these things based on, well, they must be this, you know, judge their outsides by our insights.

But who is my inside? Who is really there? What is my purpose? What is my exploration of purpose? And what is being clamped down? And she said this, she said this. She goes, I, I, I, I'm getting suffocated. And ladies, I don't know if anything's ever suffocated you, but think about it. What in your world is closing in?

What are you holding your breath on? Just trying to make it through the round. And if that's something that's worth it because you look at yourself and you go, this is, this is part of me. This is what gives me pleasure and happiness, and it gives me fulfillment. And it's not take away everything else.

Like if it's just you, it's [00:14:00] not your religion or any, it's just you as a being. What gives you peace on those levels? And if it is something. That's worth holding your breath flow. Then go hold your breath, make it round and come back out fighting, you know, hands up bob and weave. But if it's not,

get into a different ring, you know, change the weight class. I know I'm using a lot of boxing analogies today, but no, seriously, you know, make a tweak here. Make a tweet there. And one of the things we were talking about, I was talking to her, I was like, okay, well. How, how, how can you, you know, you don't wanna do this or you don't wanna do that.

Okay? How do you not do it? How do you not do that? How do you set that boundary without declaring war and without dealing with all the noise? I mean, the noise. I'm not gonna, I, I'm not saying this is easy. [00:15:00] It is not. Especially when what we want, we, me, I'll say me when I want, goes against what my societal norms tell me, okay, you have to do this.

You have to be that. You have to be whatever it is. Family norms. I mean, think about the family. You know, think about like a Thanksgiving or something, and all the unwritten rules, healthy and otherwise, right. That we play by, and that's what it is. We we're just playing by other people's rules and which ones, I'm not saying it's easy to go, you know, it's easy in my my head to say F you.

It's a whole nother thing to say, you need to go take a walk, but have a conversation. So we had a conversation about, and you know, we had a conversation about a particular thing and I said, well, you know. I kind of did this in my manage up when I want [00:16:00] partners that are really messing with me and really, you know, ego, I don't manage their ego, I manage their outcome, which is what their egos are tied to.

So I was like, okay, well go give that person, go up to that person and say, I love your chicken salad. Would you bring chicken salad to this event? It's awesome. Let's do it. You do it one, it's a meal. You don't have to cook. Two, they're think they're off making their chicken salad. They're not upping your stuff.

Right. Like I'm, and then you can deal with, okay, next time, maybe we don't invite Aunt Sally, you know, or we do, or whatever. But again, I'm not saying go change your life. I'm not saying you know, everything that you're holding your breath on, you've gotta do differently or do wrong. That's not, I'm not like that, right?

Like, I'm not, but if I never ask, how could I make this 1% different? If I never sit here and go, what is my identity? [00:17:00] Then your expectations, your identity becomes my identity, and I'm walking around never knowing me, never truly living me.

The song. By Jen Wigmore, that that is just my, like all in song talks about, um, we're not gonna play by your rules anymore. And, um, when I heard it, it's, it's pretty powerful. But when I, [00:18:00] when I heard it and I was thinking about that.

And, um, it, I was like, okay, well then whose roles am I playing by? And um, and what it says is, I'm s sick of your rules, so I'm making my own.

Well, if I'm making my own and they're truly mine, that means I have to know my identity. Right. That make sense, Joe? Mm-hmm.

Joe Woolworth: What do you have? Do you have any tips for people? I feel like I notice the women in my life sometimes are playing by rules that I don't feel like anybody's trying to enforce, but they feel like they should.

Um, how do you kind of, how do you notice those things that are, maybe they're societal norms, but they're things that they annoy you that maybe you shouldn't be doing? Mm-hmm. Like, I'll give you an example. Like my wife with, um, doing the dishes, for example. Mm-hmm. Nobody really likes doing the dishes. But for her, [00:19:00] when nobody in the house does the dishes but her, then it feels like, um, it's not about the dishes, it's about I'm not getting support, I'm not getting help.

Mm-hmm. And for me, I don't care. Like I can do the dishes, like it doesn't bother me. I don't, I don't get upset about doing 'em. Mm-hmm. Um, but I feel like that. It's, I don't know why, like, I know that she would rather never ask, but sometimes I'm stupid and I can't remember. But it doesn't bother me if she's like, Hey, do the dishes.

christine: What I hear is I hear. This, you're like, just tell me to do the dishes. If you wanna, if you wanna, if, if, if I don't do 'em, I'm sorry, but you know.

Right. Just tell me to do the dishes. And what I think I hear on your other part, you kind of feel like she's like, oh my God, I gotta do the dishes. I, oh, shit. Right. Yeah. Or maybe

Joe Woolworth: feeling like it's her job to do the dishes. It's her job because

christine: you're not doing them.

Joe Woolworth: Right.

christine: Yeah. And then that becomes a load, and then she doesn't wanna ask you, because then she feels kind of guilty because she, it's her job.

Right.

Joe Woolworth: Right.

christine: [00:20:00] Well. I would suggest, you know, like, like my, my husband, ex-husband, or whatever the hell he is right now, um, we're separated. We're not, fuck, he's my ex. Um, one did, one made meal and the other one did the dishes. Like it was just the rule. Like we just set a rule, like just, I mean, if you wanna take that off her to say, I'll do the dishes and then do the dishes.

Like, remind yourself to do the dishes. Like this is the thing. I don't know that you're gonna like this. Um, but if you, if you want, if you want to her to not feel guilty about asking you to do the dishes or load the dishwasher, then don't make her ask. You just removes that because you're asking her to change something that.

This is where this comes from, and I think this is, you bring up a really good [00:21:00] point is that for you it's just like, oh, it's no big deal. But with her and I, again, I'll just say with me when I. It's, it's ingrained. We're supposed, let's take the dare of the dishes. And that probably comes off of a day where she was supposed to do this and all of this society yap and yap and yapping.

But, so it's like, oh shit, now I gotta do this. I mean, it's just this yap, yap, yap. And we're, it's almost like we're pre-programmed, which drives me fucking nuts. Um, but, so one, do the dishes on a regular basis or set up a schedule so she knows, but then have the conversation. Like, have a deep conversation away from this and say, how do you feel about this?

Like, least seriously, like how do, how, like what is your identity, babe? If you take all this away, what would you like it to be? And then craft your world around that identity. And I'm not given marital advice like, like look care kiddo. But I will tell you [00:22:00] that. It takes a lot. Like you're like, look in, you know, this is not, this is your responsibility, but if it's not her responsibility, it needs to get done.

And if it's, whose responsibility is, shouldn't be told to do it.

So if it's, if you wanna take it off and say, oh, that's not your responsibility, then go do it and make sure it gets done. Because otherwise just in, in the mind it's, then I have to fucking remind you to go do it. And, and then it's like, ugh, pull your weight. And I'm not, I, I don't know your situation, so I'm not saying you're not pulling away.

But I can remember in mine, I was like, oh my God, now can't you even. It's like, I need you to be reliable, for me to trust that it is not my responsibility to do something. I need you to be reliably. I need you to be reliable in doing it. [00:23:00] And that goes for anything I think I. Just, and the reverse is, is right too.

If you want, if you want me to trust you, then you reliably let you're emotionally available and you are supporting of me. Then you have to reliably do that. Do things that allow me to trust you, then I won't, then I won't feel like it's my responsibility to either unload, you know, load the dishwasher, or remind you.

That's, we talked about identity. That's part of the whole thing of being a mom, the part of the caretaker. We are the ones who was I talking to this weekend and we were talking about how she held everything together, you know, and it's, and now I'm in this state right now for me where. Literally, you know, we talked a little bit about maybe dating or doing that, and I'm like, I don't want anybody's emotional responsibility.

Like I don't want any, like I'm done. I talk to women that are, you know, at the, you know, [00:24:00] 55, older, whatever, that have left marriages or husbands died, or they've come to this arrangement where it's like, I'm not emotionally responsible for you. I'm not emotionally responsible. I'll do my thing. You do your thing.

We love each other. We have things together, but I am my individual being. And if that's true, then how we agree to show up is I'm not gonna be responsible for telling you to load the dishwasher. The deal is you don't want me to fill, it's not my responsibility. Then, then go do it. An example for me, it was interesting.

I always, I read the wisdom of a bullfrog and I know we're way off topic, so bear with us today. Um, and he says, make your bed every morning. And if you haven't read the book, amazing book gives you amazing insight, leadership insight, but also insight into military and just. God, those guys are just so [00:25:00] good.

I mean, the good ones, not necessarily the Secretary of Defense we have right now, but the ones who spent their life in the military and were actually calling shit and in battle and doing shit. Um, I. Just the thought. But he was, his, his thing is make your bed every day. And the reason why is because at least you've got one thing that you've accomplished during that day.

Right. You know, one thing that, and, and so I, I was doing that 'cause I went to treatment. They made us make it the bed every day. And I don't do that. I, I don't think of my beds made this morning, but most mornings I whip it up. So when my, I was living with my husband, um, never make the bed. So I would make the bed, and then I would make the whole bed.

And then I started resenting him for not making, you know, like whatever he'd get. He always got up later than me. And so I just started making my side of the bed, and I just made my side of the bed for months and months and months and months. And then every once in a while I'd see he'd pull up his side of the bed when before he left for work.

And then. [00:26:00] He'd do it and then he could start doing it more regularly and then, you know, he didn't do it. And, but it came less about me or me telling him, or me doing it for him and being like, all right, I'm responsible for what's on my side of the street and my side of the bed. And so when I know who I am, even, even though I do, sometimes societal stuff will go, it's still your responsibility 'cause.

When you don't load the dishwasher, then it isn't about, it's not only about God, I gotta do that, but I have to remind him. So now she has two responsibilities and I don't know, women, you go to have a talk and you tell, you ask her, is she full of shit or what? And you come back and you tell me. But that's how I see it, because it's like, if you want to take this off, then take it.

And that means I don't have to worry about it otherwise. And this happens a lot with. In [00:27:00] conversations I've had, I gotta go back and clean it up, which is a bigger responsibility. And it's like, you know, think about the relationships. You've had women where it's, oh yeah, I'm supporting you. Oh yeah, I'm supporting you, but all the baggage that gets and I'm, I'm not talking about your marriage or anything like that, so please remember that.

But all of this stuff that isn't done to that needs to be done to support you. Like not just the words, but to support. And so again, it's really hard when you're struggling going, that's not my identity, that's not my responsibility. My responsibility is this. When the other person relationship, or the job or whatever isn't carrying that weight of responsibility.

'cause somebody has to carry it. Somebody has to load the dishwasher and somebody has to unload it. And, but if I don't know, [00:28:00] and I just, like we talked about the other day, I just walk around in my head and I'm pissed at you, and I don't convey that until you load the fucking dishwasher. I'm done doing this shit and I struggle with that, then it's hard for me to even remotely live my life because I'm letting all of this other tell me what's my responsibility, what's my identity, what I'm attached to, what I'm supposed to be doing, how I'm supposed to show up.

And watching her today and having that conversation with her today, I was just like, you're holding your breath. You know? And Joe, maybe, maybe it's sitting down with your wife and going, what are you holding your breath on? What are you holding all together? And, and, and then get online and look at Brene Brown and talk about relationship.

I don't know, but. What is the identity she has? What is the identity I have? What is the identity [00:29:00] you have not in relationship to others? And then what is the role that you want to play and how do you want to show up in that role? You know, I'm a giver, I'm a, I'm, I'm, I'm, I like to give to people. So how do I show up as a mother, or in my case, a stepmother as you know, when I was married as a wife, you know, but what is that?

You're on that stage. What, what roles do you wanna play that match your identity, that support and grow your identity, that help block out that other part where we feel that we should, we should, you know. I've been doing some things lately and I was like, I should do this or it should look like this. I remember talking a while back about going, man, I, this was before all my back stuff started.

I was like, I feel really good for 54. I feel like I look good. I was like, this is, you know this. And then I thought, no, this is what [00:30:00] 54 looks like for me. This is what it should look like for me. And then I didn't knock on wood and all my back went to hell, but. How much of that is a should? And we've talked, we talk about that all the time, but it is so ingrained.

I mean, get your kids done, you load the dish. I, I don't know. But it is something of responsibility if you want, if you wanna support someone's identity and you wanna take that load off a societal norm going, oh honey, you don't then show up on a regular basis to do it, and you don't, and do it like an adult, which is, I'm not gonna remind you.

I'm not gonna, I'm, I'm gonna trust that you're gonna do this, and then it will show. But then have the conversation about, babe, what, what, what identity of yours that you wanna grow. The, the loving. What gives you pleasure? What gives you purpose? And in this role of mother and wife, how do you want to be that?

And that's [00:31:00] what I'm exploring right now for myself. Who am I? What is that? That gives me, like Dr. Maney says in those two areas of two words, I can't pronounce what, what is it that gives me that, that's my identity. And then I go perform these in these roles that blossom that and allow me to be those things and to carry those things and to learn and to grow them and to, you know, pivot and go, Ooh, I didn't like that about my personality, so I'm gonna change that 'cause it doesn't match my identity.

But when I don't make that journey, when I don't look, I was talking to a person the other day, and this is, I'll wrap this up with this, but when I don't look, this person said to me, he said, yeah, I was alone and I was scared to death. And he goes, and then I had to wonder why I'm so fucking afraid to be alone with myself.

And I thought about that [00:32:00] and I'm like, yeah. People act like getting to know who you are is this super therapy, blah, blah, blah, theoretical thing. But it's not. Not for me, and not because I've seen what it's like when people don't know who they really are and what they really want and they're unfulfilled, and the destruction that they do in people's lives, the destruction that they do in their own life to themselves.

And so

fulfillment is about living you. It isn't about tearing somebody else down or giving less to someone else. It's, it's giving the right amount to the right person. And if I'm not getting it from someone, maybe I need to go find more or go find less. And if someone's not getting it from me, then maybe that's what they need to do.[00:33:00]

But if I don't know what, there's a song by the Evan Brothers and it's called, the title of the song is February 7th. And I actually do this challenge now where when the song comes on, I listen to it, I put the mirror down, and I say this to myself.

Cause you know how you are to yourself and it's one of the, the one of the segments is there's no fortune at the end of the road that has no end. Okay. So if I don't find what I'm looking for and I just mosey around life, I'm never, you know, and there's no end, then I don't go.

But then there's, there's, and this is where I think people get scared, and I know I did because there's no returning to spoils. Once you've spoiled the thought of them. It's like once you know the truth about who you are and the relationship you're in, whether it be work, whether it be your kids, once you speak that truth out and put it on paper, whatever.

You can't go back to the thought of the of the glory, right? It's out there and then you gotta either deny [00:34:00] it or whatever to keep on keeping on. But then this is what kills me. There's no falling back to sleep once you've awakened from the dream and I. I'm not saying everything in my life is wrong or anything.

I've been given so many blessings and I've some wonderful experience. But when something outlives what it, and for me it was work or whatever, I'm never gonna find the fortune if it, if the road doesn't come to an end and if I don't tell myself, then I keep, the spoils are wonderful and awesome unless I spoil the thought of them.

And then I wake from the dream and then I can't go back to sleep. And as scary as that might sound, it is so much better to be awake than asleep to your identity. It's so [00:35:00] much better. It's, it is very, um, scary and freeing. But it's also some of the most intimate thing that you will ever do anyway, that I've ever done.

Um, so ladies and gentlemen, it's been an interesting segment, Joe. Mm-hmm. I wanna hear if you, what you, what you guys decide about the dishwasher.

Joe Woolworth: Just that I should do the dishes.

christine: Well, I'm not, I'm just saying if, if it's not her responsibility, it's yours. So do it. And, and it's not, it's not her responsibility to tell you.

Um, but ladies and gentlemen, seriously, have an amazing day. Be good to yourself. Tell that inner little critic to shut the fuck up. You are enough. Go find out who you are and who you want to become, not based on anybody else. And then put your tribe around you to support and grow and, [00:36:00] and, and, and make that into this raging bonfire of gloriousness.

And until next time, tubs.