Samantha Gutstadt [00:00:00]:
Forty has brought some of the biggest life changes for me. I in the last two years had a baby, got divorced, have a new partner who's amazing for me, honestly, I feel like I did my most work on myself, the most introspective work, looking out, setting boundaries that I feel like I never really had in my life.
Erika Hanafin [00:00:26]:
I'm Erika.
Amri Kibbler [00:00:27]:
And I'm Amri.
Erika Hanafin [00:00:28]:
This is Leaning Into Being, the show that allows you to be your all so you can give your all.
Amri Kibbler [00:00:33]:
Brought to you by Hello Mamas and HeyMama.
Erika Hanafin [00:00:37]:
Amri, today on Leaning Into Being, we are having a chat with Sam Gutstadt, actress, content creator, published writer, podcaster, mom of three and comedian who always makes us laugh.
Amri Kibbler [00:00:53]:
She is hilarious. She is definitely a multi-hyphenate, but one of the things I love about her is Sam is also such a great friend. She has been there for us and been an OG member of the HeyMama community and I absolutely adore her.
Erika Hanafin [00:01:10]:
Yes. And I know that she's big right now on experiencing some pivots, both personally and professionally, and I'm excited to hear what her take is on those pivots, how she's navigated them, and her evolution in her personal life as well as her professional life.
Amri Kibbler [00:01:28]:
We're also going to talk to her about being 40. I know that she's been having many great conversations and that's been a topic that she's really excited to dig in with us on. So let's get started.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:01:45]:
All right.
Erika Hanafin [00:01:46]:
Well, Sam, to start off, we always like to ground ourselves in the shared experience of motherhood. Can you share a bit about your journey, where you are now and what are some of those early moments that stand out for you?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:02:02]:
So to start off, I feel like I always knew motherhood was going to be like my favorite job ever that I was going to do. I was super ambitious. My sense of self was always in being in entertainment because I worked professionally since I was like 14 as an actor. I did theater, I went to film school. But I always in the back of my head knew that like motherhood and maybe it was because of my family dynamic I grew up in. My mom worked and was such a hands-on mom and my dad worked and was such a hands on dad. So maybe I saw that as a model that like I could have it all, I could have my career that I really had like been working at since I was a teenager and I could enjoy motherhood. And so I got pregnant at 30 with my first and that was actually also my first pivot in work, because I was traveling, I was shooting movies.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:02:55]:
I was like, girl who dies in every thriller. I wasn't doing comedy. I was doing a lot of thrillers. But it was exciting. I was doing red carpet-hosting and acting, and I was in tons of commercials. It was everything I wanted. But when I got pregnant with Ryder 12 plus years ago, I was like, I don't know if I want to be away from this little human for three, four weeks in Council Bluffs, Idaho, if it's not going to be something that's, like, serving my soul anymore. And that was a big pivot for me.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:03:27]:
So my first, I guess, like, stepping into motherhood was really changing my direction in work. It was literally after having him that I started leaning more into my writing and creating my own content because I kind of wanted to have more control over my schedule. I didn't want to miss anything because I felt like I'd been waiting forever to be a mom, that as soon as I had him, that was maybe part of also becoming a mom at 30, which, where I'm from is old. But, you know, in Toronto, a lot of my friends had kids in their mid-20s. And so for me, I waited, I did career. And so by the time I had rider, I didn't feel like I'd missed out on going after my work. I'd been married already for many, many years. And so that was like a big pivot for me, work-wise.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:04:15]:
And then in the sense of it also directing my voice as a creator, I was like, I want to scream from the rooftops and share what I'm experiencing right now, because I can't be the only one thinking these things and feeling these things and being worried about these things and going through. I felt like what was a lot of universal feelings and emotions and fears that mothers and parents go through. And so that kind of, like, is what began don't call me Mommy. And what began my own stream of consciousness of comedy, kind of like opening up about hard things through a comedic lens. And that was really that early voice of early motherhood.
Amri Kibbler [00:04:56]:
Like, I'm in it.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:04:57]:
I was. Then I had another baby right away. And so I had, like, two boys under the age of two, very little support. My family wasn't here. I didn't know a lot of moms yet. My kids weren't in preschool yet. And so I feel like a lot of my early work was really about that. And, you know, trying to find community and HeyMama was a big part of that too.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:05:22]:
But trying to find community, trying to speak Real truths about, like, what I was experiencing and really, like, how it shifted and changed. I feel like my whole work direction.
Amri Kibbler [00:05:33]:
And Sam, you have a daughter too, right?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:05:35]:
I do. And changed a lot of my whole life direction and work direction as well. She came many years later. So I had her at 40, so almost like a full 10-year gap between Ryder and Eden. And I have sweet little Asher in the middle there. I had him at 32. So the boys are, like, really close in age. And we had this whole existence.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:05:58]:
And then Eden came along and completed our family. And she's incredible. And it's also amazing, kind of like going through all those stages again. Ten years older, totally different mindset in a totally different place. No longer with their dad. And, like, talk about a pivot. I mean, so many changes came for me at 40, including stepping into, like, you know, toddler life again and baby life.
Amri Kibbler [00:06:26]:
Yeah, Erika and I always joke because I'm the girl mom and she's the boy mom. We like to know, like, what is really the difference? Like, what is this place that you've stepped into in your 40s ten years later, having a girl, like, what's your mindset like right now?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:06:42]:
I have to say, you know, I felt like originally I was, like, just built as a boy mom. I grew up with brothers. I'm a former competitive athlete. I still play sports. I'm, like, built that way. Like, I was such a tomboy. And so when I had my boys, I was like, I got this. I got the trucks, I got sports.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:06:57]:
Like, they're such boys. I gave them opportunity to play with every toy. It was just like a very physical household. Along comes Eden, and I was like, oh, she's just gonna, like, be one of us. Like, she's just gonna, like, rough house. And she is her own little human. I have to say, like, I've stepped into my, like, feminine girly side, getting to be her mom. And yesterday I was like, Eden, do you want to go and do our hair? And I, like, went and, like, blew out her hair for her.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:07:27]:
I find myself in CVS, like, picking up soap and then getting, like, hair berets and, like, I buy a lot of clothes and, you know, it's interesting to see mimics me a lot more than the boys do. She will see me get ready and she wants to do what I'm doing. She knows that she's kind of like me, so it's a very interesting thing. And she's just kind of like her own little person. I feel like she's bringing out different parts of me as a mom. It's been so much fun. But I have to say there's. I didn't think there'd be as many differences as there are.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:08:01]:
And I think a lot of that honestly, is just the female brain versus the male brain. Like, her ability to grasp language was different. The way that she socializes. She's in preschool now. I did not experience this with my boys.
Erika Hanafin [00:08:16]:
It's so true. We're constantly like, oh, that, that's interesting. But the perspective is sometimes totally different. Yeah, you're all about realness in motherhood, and I love everything that you're. You're sharing and the pivots in personal and professional life. What's something along your motherhood journey that surprised you?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:08:38]:
I think something that surprised me was the embracing of letting go. I actually written articles about it. I used to write a column for parents, and I've written for other publications. And one thing I feel like I always revisit this idea of, like, saying goodbye. I remember mourning the loss of I breastfed my boys. I didn't breastfeed Eden. But I have a lot of emotion around that. And that's something that if you would have told me, I would have been sad about ending something that started so hard.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:09:09]:
I mean, when I first started trying to breastfeed Ryder, I remember calling my best friend back home who had already done it. And I remember she's like, just stick with it. It's going to be amazing. Just keep it going. I have friends that didn't. I have friends that did for a short time. But it turned out to be something I loved. And it was one of the things that I had to let go.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:09:26]:
Letting go of, like taking a bath with my boys, knowing that this might be our last time that we're sitting in a bath together because they're aging out of this. Knowing that there are mornings of crawling into bed and lying there with me watching cartoons. Like, each stage I felt like I had a hard time letting go of, even though I get so excited for the next thing. Like, I love that I went for dinner last night, just me and my 12-year-old, and we were, like, talking about his football pool and, like, hanging out, like, doing kind of like a little buddy. I do still feel like that was a big surprise to me, that I really cherished each save. And it was like a sad kind of goodbye for me each time one ended. And I think I'm going to go through that a lot with Eden, with Asher and Ryder. I wasn't sure With Asher, I was like, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:10:15]:
And as more and more time went on that I wasn't getting pregnant with Eden, I felt like those ends of each phase was hard for me. It was a surprise. I didn't. I think I thought I'd be, like, rushing away baby stuff quicker to get onto, like, the easier quote, unquote. But I really cherish those years. And I'll look back at pictures and be like, oh, my God, I remember when they were so little.
Amri Kibbler [00:10:38]:
I am right there with you. I have been hanging on to some of the things with my youngest, too, where I'm like, this is going to be the last time we this or the last time that we that. And it's like, it's bittersweet because sometimes you're really ready to move on to the next stage. Then you have that thought and you're like, oh, this could be the last time that I struggle to do this thing.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:11:02]:
You know how we look back now at our parents and we're like, oh, I didn't understand why you said that or why you felt that way. But then when you become a parent yourself, it makes sense. Sense. My mom is a writer, and she wrote this beautiful piece that was published when I was leaving for college. I'm the third. I went for college in Canada. My brothers both left, and I stayed in the city, but I wanted to move out and live with my friend. And my parents, they really wanted to hold on to me and have me home.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:11:31]:
And I remember reading this article my mom had written, and it was only as an adult that it literally brought me to tears because it was this visual, she said, of the last time she would open the door to my bedroom and see my curls splayed out on my pillow half asleep. And I remember at the time, I'm like, why do you care about seeing my curls splayed out on my pillow? But then when I became a mom, I reread it, and I literally was, like, ugly crying because it was her goodbye of childhood for me. No, I'm still very close to there. And I'm sure I slept in that room many, many times. I go home on the weekends and do laundry, but it was the last time I was a kid. That was the last morning she would open the door, and I'm just like. I get choked up even saying that. But she actually wrote it so beautifully.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:12:16]:
It was her goodbye.
Erika Hanafin [00:12:18]:
That's so true. Oh, my gosh, we're all gonna, like, tear up hearing that.
Amri Kibbler [00:12:21]:
It's like I started getting, like, starting.
Erika Hanafin [00:12:24]:
To choke up a little bit there.
Amri Kibbler [00:12:27]:
So the title of our podcast is Leaning into Being. And this is where we talk about really who you are authentically in the moment. This can be, like, outside of work and labels and things that you have. And you mentioned something earlier that really, like, struck a chord with me when you were talking about being 40. What is it like right now? What does Leaning into Being mean for you?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:12:50]:
40 has brought some of the biggest life changes for me. I, in the last two years, had a baby, got divorced, have a new partner who's amazing for me, honestly, I feel like I did my most work on myself, the most introspective work, looking out, setting boundaries that I feel like I never really had in my life, learning to say no in a kind way. I think prior to being 40, I'm a people pleaser, so I would be like, I would say yes to more than I could take on for sure. And therefore my needs would come last. And that's hard as a mom, too. And that was how I operated in life. With friends, with a partner, not really feeling like I had a voice or the confidence maybe to say exactly what I wanted. That maybe also comes from, I think, starting a relationship really young.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:13:41]:
So that would be within the confines of our relationship. Even with work, like, I wanted to write more, and I didn't feel like I had the confidence because I was always an actor, to stand behind my writing, it was always, like, secondary. And I think with turning 40, there was this newfound confidence, seeing myself get through hard things and then come out the other side better and stronger, that I was like, oh, I can do this. And I am learning, and I'm my putting my big girl pants on. And I think through all of that, I feel like right now I'm my most authentic self. And I've said this to a few of my close girlfriends recently, that I feel like I'm a better mom, I'm a better friend, I'm a better creator, I'm a better partner. So it's almost like I've stepped into this better version of myself because I've evolved, and it's in a really honest way. So I think a part of that was, like, being able to look at myself and look at the world around me and in a very clear way, which it's hard in your 20s and 30s as you're navigating.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:14:48]:
I was always in a hurry. I wanted to, like, have kids. I wanted to get married. I wanted the career, like, I wanted all. All of it. I'm such a doer. That may be like taking a beat, but, like, how is all this affecting me? And who am I? And. And approaching 40, I feel like I was starting to get very clear on what I wanted this next chapter to look like.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:15:08]:
I just didn't know how to do it.
Erika Hanafin [00:15:10]:
It's so true. And I can speak from experience. I remember actually what I was going through a divorce. One of the last times I saw you, I was at your house and sharing that. And so like you, that's such monumental moment in your life as you're kind of navigating this box that think that we're supposed to be in and you know, and then being there and present for your kids and ultimately finding a new partner and, you know, finding yourself in your career and all the pivots, so to speak, that come your way. I'm curious, what is your practice when things get overwhelming? Because that's a very overwhelming last two years. Where do you go mentally or physically to reconnect with yourself? And what are some of those practices you have?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:15:54]:
Staying centered? I'd say I'm recognizing what self-care means to me, that I have to put. You know, they always say, like, have your air mask on before everyone else. And I was not good at that. So I would run myself ragged. And yesterday's a great day. It's. I still do it. I have the kids and I was running around and I had bad allergies because we had the Santa Ana's.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:16:13]:
And like, I ended up having ending the day with two Benadryls and like barely being able to stay awake. But I was like, I have to get everyone to bed. I have to get the homework done. I have a hard time bowing out. Like, that's just me tapping out. I saw someone post something amazing about, you know, getting specific to divorce and custody. I have my kids half the time, and instead of looking at it like, oh my God, I do. I miss them terribly when I'm not with them.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:16:38]:
I now use that time to recharge my battery. Because when I'm with them, I am so on. I'm spread thin. There's three of them. They all have very busy schedules now. So I learned. And it's taken me some time to figure it out. Cause I'm trying to also work.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:16:54]:
See my friends, like, do all these other things. But for me, I find that if I take care of my body and do the things that I need, I just am able to stay healthy longer. Like not get that cold or get that right amount of sleep. So for me sleep is number one. If I'm not getting, I just, I can feel it. If I get less than like seven hours for two or three days in a row, I start getting like a tickle in my throat and I'm like if I go down, my kids are not going to have a fun few days with me. So that's number one. Number two, I've really leaned into like I go to this place in LA called Pause.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:17:29]:
It's heat and cold. I do 30 minutes, I find one day a week and I prioritize it where nothing gets in the way. Once I book that appointment, it's usually on the day I don't have my kids and I sit there, I go sometimes with boyfriend or I'll listen to a podcast or music and I feel like I've just like filled up my gas tank. I just know what my self-care things are also moving my body like is a big one. It's a stress reducer for me. So anything I could do to like reduce cortisol levels and I'm very aware now of when those start to like spike moving my body. Doing self-care intending sleep I'd say are like the big ones for me.
Erika Hanafin [00:18:09]:
Non-negotiables for sure.
Amri Kibbler [00:18:12]:
Yeah, yeah, the sleep is a huge one. Like I'm super cranky. If I get less than eight hours of sleep, like 9:30, I start to be like, guys, it's 9:30, I have to start getting to bed. Okay, let's switch gears a little bit and talk a little bit about passions beyond motherhood. Your career has evolved from traditional acting to digital content creation and brand building. Can you share how this journey connects to who you are and what inspires you?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:18:41]:
Yeah, I mean I'm inspired by telling stories and also having people feel like they're part of a community through storytelling, which for me the magic of movies always did that. I can remember early on watching movies, going to the theater and I was like, that's what I want to do in some way. Which is basically when I pivoted into digital, when this whole world changed and we started being able to tell stories through like a shorter time frame with you know, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, all these amazing digital platforms. I saw that way to connect that with brands because I'm also passionate about helping brands. Like I guess copywriting would be at the end of the day what you would call it, like copywriting and production. But I really, really love when a brand will come to me and say hey, for example, I Just worked with Herb Pharm. They're like, we want to reach women who are going through perimenopause. We have these amazing, like, herbal supplements that can help alleviate some of the unpleasant symptoms of perimenopause and menopause.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:19:44]:
Then, like, the juices get flowing in my brain, and I'm like, this is amazing. I get to speak to my community, who all these women are starting to talk about. Brain fog, night sweats, all these things. I get to, like, help this brand tell a story and tell their story through a comedic lens, which is always my. You know, the way I like to tell stories, especially I feel like when you're talking about something that can be hard, a great, relatable way in, I find, is comedy. And so that's like, my happy place. I got to write it. I get to produce.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:20:16]:
I'm on set. I'm in it. I started probably in 2015, 2016. I created a series called Shit No One Told You From Mom. Me, I did it with Haley White, who was, he was my comedy partner. And every episode was, like, something about motherhood that no one talked about. We had breastfeeding, sex after baby.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:20:37]:
Our best-viewed episode was Sex After Baby. And I remember when we were shooting it, Haley looked at me. She's like, does it look like we're shooting a porn? And I'm like, no. But in my head, I'm like, I don't know. This is scary. Like, we're talking about something very polarizing. Like, I don't know how people are going to feel about this, but the best feeling in the world was we were at a conference. I think it was mom, too.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:20:59]:
And we had woman after woman come to us and say thank you for making that episode. I felt heard. I didn't feel alone. And I think that was an aha moment for me because I think all artists are kind of looking for that feeling to feel like you're part of a community, that your voice is part of a greater voice, that you're. What you're talking about is hopefully reaching somebody, one person, that it'll help them feel understood. And I think ultimately, that's what movies are in tv, they're all telling us stories about humanity. And so when you really, like, break that down, brands are just reaching people and telling stories about why their brand is trying to reach out to your community. And so tying those two things in together for me has been, like, a huge, happy place.
Erika Hanafin [00:21:50]:
I mean, you can just like, feel that energy coming through as you're talking. Not many people have Such a passion for the work that they're doing and finding so much joy, but also that creativity, like you're radiating when you're talking about all of those passions and the happiness that it brings you. What's something outside of work and family that makes you feel most like yourself?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:22:18]:
Oh, that's an easy one. Tennis. I have said this time and time again, the greatest gifts my dad gave me out of all the great lessons. He's a very kind person, so kindness would be one of them. But when I was, like, eight or nine, my older brother was a competitive tennis player. My oldest brother and I would sit and watch, and I wanted to kind of do what he was doing. I wasn't, like, naturally athletic. Like, throw me on a soccer field, and I was like, not that great.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:22:45]:
I wasn't great at any other sport. I was going to dance, and my dad kind of like, okay, like, let's go play some tennis. And I fell in love with it. And he put the time in, apparently, I would. Like he'd come home from a long day. He's a lawyer. He had his own practice. Tennis has been a place where, no matter what was happening in my life, it's given me confidence.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:23:07]:
It doesn't matter whether it's like, a sport or an instrument, but something that you do that's not for work, where you're not making money. Because I never played tennis professionally, I played at, like, college level, but it wasn't something that, like, was going to bring me an income. It wasn't a responsibility. When I stopped competing, it's now somewhere where, like, I feel the most me, I feel fierce. I feel badass. When I was going through the pandemic, I always say, like, tennis saved me because I was going through the hardest part of probably my marriage, IVF losses, all of that. It was one of the darkest times. And when I think of the only times that I was able to get out of that, it was being on a tennis court.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:23:52]:
It was the only thing I was able to do in California. They kept courts open, so I was able to do that. And I found community through tennis. I have incredible friends in the tennis community. My first friends in LA were tennis friends because I taught. My first job out here was teaching at, like, a country club because I was working as an actress and not making money. And so the only way I could make money, I wasn't allowed to, like, have a job job, because my visa. And so I worked teaching tennis lessons.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:24:20]:
And I am still friends with some of my early tennis Friends out here. It's just the greatest gift because every life lesson I have and like my tough skin and everything has been through sport. And so it's something I want to impart on my kids. Like, I don't care what sport or what instrument, just something outside of, like, school work. Because this is something I've had my whole life and I still love it.
Erika Hanafin [00:24:45]:
And how special that you got to share that with your dad too. So being on the court and like remembering those memories and everything, that's an added bonus to it.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:24:55]:
Yeah, and I didn't coach my kids into it. I've introduced them to every sport. But my boys play and they're like, really good. So I feel like I'm kind of like passing it forward. Like, my son and I will go play tennis, just the two of us, and he's at a level now where we can go out and play like set together. It is so special to share this with them.
Amri Kibbler [00:25:16]:
Love that, Sam. So if you can give one piece of advice to moms, and especially those who are juggling career and motherhood, what would it be?
Samantha Gutstadt [00:25:27]:
I always give the same piece of advice because you know what baby showers are like. Write one thing. Every day is a new day. Every morning you get to hit a restart button, especially with young kids, because one day they're just having a really bad day and you're having. And it's okay to have an off day. It's okay to feel like you have 20 things on your to-do list and none of them got checked off because guess what? Tomorrow you get to wake up and you can check one of those off. So I always say, like, you literally get to hit the restart button every day. And it's okay if one day sucked, if two days sucked, if five days consecutively suck, you get to wake up the next day and make that day different.
Erika Hanafin [00:26:03]:
We always talk about seasons, and that's just like a condensed version of the seasons and really recognizing that it was just a day or it was just that season of the day and you're going to wake up tomorrow with a new one. I'm curious about the future looking ahead. What are some things you're excited to lean into either in motherhood, work, or personal growth? What's on the horizon for you?
Amri Kibbler [00:26:28]:
Ooh.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:26:29]:
I mean, so much. I've actually been starting to get some like, new creative stuff flowing and we'll see where it takes me. But I really want to create content in like the non-profit space and find a way to give back, like with my Comedic voice and writing. And so I don't know where that. I don't know where that takes me because I'm still doing a lot of, like, branded content and working with, you know, traditional brands, which I love. But I have some great friends who are doing some awesome stuff in the nonprofit world, and I kind of want to reach out and be like, what can I do with my writing and production backgrounds that can lend itself to storytelling in that space? So that is one thing I'm like, putting out there. I have a full-length script with Haley White that we finally just signed. It's been in the works for a while.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:27:20]:
It's a project I'm actually really. I would be really excited about if it got made. I don't know what our involvement would be if it got picked up or made, but it would be so amazing to have a full-length show that we created. So that's just something fun on the back burner. I just signed with a new agency, so, you know, continuing the branded content. But as I was seeing you guys earlier, before we, we recorded, my community has been growing up with me and now we're kind of all in this new phase of life. I mean, I'm one of the ones that went back to having a little kid, but sort of leaning into this, like, being in our 40s, the pivot and storytelling in that, like, wellness space. It's been really fun and it's actually been welcoming in brands that I sort of put it out there that this is what I want to be doing and I'm getting those brands coming to me to create content.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:28:11]:
And it's been really fun because it's a totally different world than like, it's just like a, moving into a different phase of stories I'm telling. And then with my kids, you know, my oldest is about to go to middle school and actually, like, I know it's a scary time, middle school for kids, but I'm also so excited for him as he's going to be changing schools next year. And I feel like it's all these new phases that I'm like, excited to see him go through and then my other one will go through them. And I'm excited to see Eden. She's at preschool right now and making friends and as I said, like, experiencing this with a girl, she's doing dance and all these new things. It's been so fun and I love traveling and so I am trying to cook up some fun adventures for me and the kids that are a little off the beaten path. I don't know what that looks like yet. So maybe we are going to go to Europe to do some fun historical stuff.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:29:08]:
So I'm kind of, like, excited for that as well and planning all that whenever we get to do it.
Amri Kibbler [00:29:14]:
So much good stuff. Well, I can't believe that we're almost at the end of our time together. We're literally could talk to you for hours and hours. But we always like to wrap up with this one last question. What's one time or moment that you can't believe that you survived and. Or that you're still laughing about today when you're like, oh, man.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:29:34]:
The one I'm still laughing about. I'll start light. Third time around. I should have known better. I was away with the kids this summer in Muskoka at this, like, beautiful hotel. And Eden was potty trained. Ish. We went down to this, like, super fancy dinner.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:29:50]:
I'm with my boyfriend and the boys and Eden, and she's in, like, a cute dress and her underwear. And we go to this. The bathroom, and she had already pooped in her underwear. Now I didn't have anything with me, so I'm like, I just have to throw it all out. Like, it wasn't salvageable. So I'm. I'm, like, sweating. I'm in this bathroom.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:30:09]:
It's flushing automatically on my face. I was like, oh, my God. I had to throw out her dress. Throw out the. All she had was, like, a T-shirt, no underwear. Okay. And we have to walk through a hotel. I had nothing to cover her with.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:30:23]:
And I'm just like, you know what? We're gonna own this. And here's my daughter, fully naked, just with a T-shirt on, walking through the hotel. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna not look anyone in the eye. And we're just gonna get back to her room. It was like a really long walk through, like, a full lobby at the time. I was like, why did I do this? Why did I forget all her stuff?
Erika Hanafin [00:30:45]:
Sounds like it's like one of those never-ending, like, we gonna get to that room.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:30:50]:
And then the one I thought I couldn't get through. That has taught me a lot of lessons. I know a lot of moms listening to this who've gone through IVF can relate, but, you know, going through two and a half years of I didn't do IVF with my boys. And so the journey to Eden was grueling and painful and full of loss and hopelessness and points where I was like, what am I doing and why am I doing this? But obviously now, in hindsight, with perspective, it was for her. But that was definitely a time that I didn't see the light. I was like, I don't see where this ends because it's a cycle of hope and then disappointment and hope and disappointment. And it gave me great empathy for anyone going through IVF. So that might be something one day that I also would love to, like, have a voice in that community, because there really is a community in there.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:31:46]:
And I think unless you've gone through it, it's very hard. I didn't understand it until I went through it.
Amri Kibbler [00:31:51]:
We both went through that, and it's really hard. I also didn't have trouble getting pregnant with my first and then was just completely baffled as to, like, why I couldn't get pregnant. And going through it, it's all consuming when you're in it. It's like all you can think about. Your entire world revolves around it.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:32:10]:
It's weird. I almost like, equate it to, like, gambling, where you're like, okay, I have this many. And so what are my percentages for this Working? And then it doesn't work. You're like, the next one will work. And you just keep pushing.
Amri Kibbler [00:32:21]:
You're like, it's, we'll just spend more money.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:32:22]:
We're going to make it happen.
Amri Kibbler [00:32:23]:
I won't give up. I can make it happen. I'm not a quitter. Yeah, you just keep pushing and you can't stop.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:32:28]:
That's something that I feel like in the moment, as both of you know, like, it kind of feels hopeless. But then when you're on the other side of it, it's nice to be able to tell people who are going through it. Like, hopefully you get the outcome you want somehow, and it's all worth it in the end. But you just don't know that until you're on the other side, it is all worth it.
Amri Kibbler [00:32:47]:
And when you have your little baby, all of a sudden it's like you forget all of that until someone brings it up like you just did. And then you're like, oh, man, that was the worst.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:32:57]:
Yeah.
Erika Hanafin [00:32:58]:
Well, Sam, it has been a pleasure having you on. Thank you so much for making the time for us. It's so lovely to see you and I'm so excited for this next chapter in your life, both professionally and personally. Can't wait to hear more about it as, as the years progress.
Samantha Gutstadt [00:33:16]:
One thing I didn't get to say, and this isn't like a plug, because were with HeyMama. But I have to say I was one of the early, early joiners of HeyMama. Being able to have a community of like badass entrepreneurial women and moms was incredible. Like, I remember doing early events with you guys and the women I've met through HeyMama and being able to have community. As I talked about community early on in this episode is everything. And that commonality of moms who are also like entrepreneurial and career women and being able to like share things that can help each other, it was just community on community. So always grateful for that and getting to meet you guys.
Amri Kibbler [00:34:04]:
Thank you so much for sharing that. And we know how important community is to you too. I heard you say over and over again through all the different layers of your life, whether it was your career or your social network or tennis, even how rooted you are in community. So it means so much to hear you say that HeyMama had an impact on you and that makes me so happy. So thank you. Thank you for listening to Leaning Into Being.
Erika Hanafin [00:34:30]:
To get connected and join the Hello Mamas and HeyMama community visit hellomamas.co.
Amri Kibbler [00:34:36]:
Let's connect, support and grow together in this journey of motherhood.