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Being STRONG is more than just how much weight you can lift.
The Strong New York Podcast is dedicated to inspiring you to become your strongest self- in the gym, in business, in relationships and in life.
Join Kenny as he sits down with his strong as fuck buddies and shoots the shit on what it takes to be strong willed, strong minded and physically strong. Season one features everyone from entrepreneurs and local business owners to doctors and industry leaders in the fitness and wellness space.
With over a decade of experience, Kenny Santucci has made himself known as one of New York City’s top trainers and a thought leader in the health and wellness industry. After transforming his life at 15 years old through fitness, Kenny made it his mission to transform the lives of those around him.
Kenny has trained some of Hollywood’s biggest stars, including Jon Bon Jovi, Liev Schreiber, and Frank Ocean, and has been tapped as a fitness expert sharing his training approach with Men’s Health, Men’s Journal, Runner's World, SHAPE, Well+Good, among other publications.
Kenny is the creator of STRONG New York, NYC's only Health and Fitness Expo. Strong New York is an immersive day of workouts, wellness experiences, panel discussions, and inspiring conversations with the best in-class wellness professionals, industry leaders, and change makers who are sharing their expertise on today's hottest wellness trends and first-hand experiences on how to optimize your overall health and life.
You can find Kenny at The Strength Club, his private training and group strength training facility in the heart of Manhattan located on 28th and 5th Ave in New York City.
A lot of clients were coming after a long day at the office. They were drained. They didn't want to talk. Mm-hmm. I noticed the difference from the client coming after a workout. The dopamine is floating in your reward system. Your attention span is increased. Mm-hmm. And you're more happy about yourself.
Your inner dialogue is positive. Kenny Santucci back with another episode of the Strong New York podcast, and I'm very excited about today's episode 'cause it's something that I think could help a lot of people. And as always, here at Strong New York, we are trying to make New Yorkers stronger with other strong New Yorkers who are sharing their gifts.
Today I am joined by Dr. Ariana Masti all the way from Venice. Italy, beautiful place. I've actually never gotten to go there, but I hear the most beautiful people come from Italy. Uh, as you could see, she's a clinical psychologist who has discovered that, or you know, kind of just has brought in light to the idea that wellness can advance and help us out mentally.
Who would've thought. We've been talking about this for a long time, and now we have clinical research. So Bloom Wellness is your company. Yes. And, uh, give us a kind of an overview of like what you're trying to do and like what's actually, uh. W what you've discovered through wellness. Absolutely. So when I got my license in Italy and then in uk, I didn't want to be one of the many psychologists.
So I pitched the CEO of two gyms and I said, look, exercise is a good way to release stress. Yeah. But actually there is a deeper need to talk. Um, so I opened my therapy studio. Five minutes walking from two gyms and for three years I noticed a pattern. Lot of clients were coming after a long day at the office, GP Morgan mailbag.
They were drained. Burnout, they didn't want to talk. Mm-hmm. So, traditional therapy takes a long time. You need to, sometimes you open the Pandora box and you suffer even more. What I wanted to do was to blend therapy with coaching to help my clients to reach the highest potential. I noticed the difference from the client coming after a workout.
What happens, the dopamine is floating in your reward system. There is a part in your brain called nucleus accumbens. In that moment, you are more open to talk. Your attention span is increased. Mm-hmm. And you are more happy about yourself. Your inner dialogue is positive. So I noticed that this class, uh, this client not only progressed.
But we progress in a faster way, in a sustainable way. So we weren't looking for quick fixes. Now there is a pill easily for anything. Um, but actually they did the work. Mm-hmm. And now I see like, for example, women, uh, deciding to go for that day or, uh, guys asking for that promotion, you know? Mm-hmm. They actually change.
Um, see, I, one of the debates that I was having with somebody last year on this same topic. I had made a comment on my social media just saying people wanna talk about their problems but not actually do anything about them. And when you actually start getting the wheels in motion and you start doing something to help yourself, then the.
Chances of you succeeding go way up. And I think that's the problem. Everybody wants to like talk about their feelings. I love your approach to psychology. It's not just, yes, you can talk about it. I'm not saying don't talk about it. I'm saying when you start to get the wheels in motion, when you start to use your body, like I believe that the gym and.
Exercise and movement is the gateway drug to a better version of yourself. Absolutely. It has to be the first step. So as soon as we take that first step through the door and we start to exercise and we start to move, then the psychology, the, the talking about it becomes a lot easier and a lot more fluent.
Correct? Absolutely. Yeah. Think about any classes that you attend, they ask you at the very end, do you want to stay guys for the workout or do you want to go out? What I'm doing is stay, don't dissipate the dopamine, actually use it. Mm-hmm. And now we are doing the work. This is why it's post-workout therapy.
So I created a whole manual, uh, basically with how to deal the first session, continue the session, and it is like basically a framework. Okay. Let's connect the dots together. Let's zoom out and look at your life from a different perspective. From a bigger perspective. Mm-hmm. Because most of the people walk blind of their lives.
Either they keep on going the same nine to five job and they're not happy, or they're stuck in a relationship where there is no love. Just routine. Mm-hmm. So. I, we were actually, I was just with a friend of mine, uh, my buddy John, and we were doing an experiment. He's been doing this all over the city, stopping people before they go into like a McDonald's.
And we said, Hey, we will go and, uh, buy you a healthier lunch at some of these other places if, uh, you're opening to it. And I think a lot of people now, we got shut down probably 20 times and there were all these people who clearly, you know, I was heavy, I was outta shape. I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable, but you don't realize how good you can feel until you start to put the wheels in motion still, until you start moving for yourself.
And I think that's the hardest part is for people to overcome this feeling of complacency, this feeling of, okay, well I'm okay now. I'm, I'm kind of comfortable. But you, in reality, you're actually uncomfortable in this space and I don't want to do anything to get out of it. And I think that's what I think what you are doing is really smart.
I haven't heard of anybody else doing this because. People are more likely to open up, you know, uh, I don't know. Have you been to, uh, other ship yet? Yesterday? Yes. Yesterday. So it's great. So when you, more people are more willing to open up and talk at these sessions. So for those of you guys out there who don't know what, uh, other ship is, it's a company out of Toronto.
They have one here in New York. They build them all over the country, but. Basically it's a sonic cold plunge therapy and then a, like before and afterwards people can share their thoughts and their feelings and more people. What I've noticed in, in the 20 times that I've been there is that people are more inclined to share their feelings and open up after.
A session. Yeah. Than they are before a session because everybody's kind of closed off. They don't wanna do anything. But when your dopamine levels get going and you start to feel good, and your, your endorphins are going crazy and there's people around you and you know, you had that bonding experience, then you're more willing to share.
Exactly. Yesterday, literally, I did a sauna, I did a cold plunge, I felt amazing, and then I was carrying the weight of the whole week, you know, because for example, as a psychologist, you need to be resilient and strong because. I have 20 peoples now in my head. Yeah, yeah. Alongside everybody's dumping their shit on you.
Yeah. I couldn't imagine. That's how miserable. No, but I, I have a very, very strong relationship with my clients. Yeah. And um, for me, I'm very selective at the beginning. And then when I start the work, I carry it for a long time. But, uh, what I mean, it was like in that room, a guy open up, say like, I was worried I was about to go fire, get fired yesterday.
Wow. This guy was like smiling in the cold plant. She was like, wow, we never imagine. Another girl was like, I'm going through a very, very difficult, uh, breakup and it was like a domino effect and everybody open up and it was like, wow. You walk in New York, you walk, maybe you're attending a conference, and everybody's like super self confident and it's a strong New Yorker.
Put down the mask. Yeah. We are human beings, you know? Yeah. Everybody's got shit going on. Yeah. Yeah. And we try when we are in a community, so my goal is actually building a community of like-minded people that are willing to do their work, work out, sweat, and then open up when they feel like, but then you want to return to the same class, like, oh, I'm gonna meet my friend and my other friend, and we're gonna talk about anxious attachment style.
Yeah. Why I always go after the unavailable man. I'm gonna talk about body image, why I restrict all day and then I binge at night using a food to fill a void, you know? Mm-hmm. But, uh, yeah, I think this, it just happened by chance because I literally saw the pattern. Or serving my clients, working out and then coming to my therapy studio.
Yeah. I think what you're doing is, like I said, I, I admire it. I, I think you're onto something. My question is like, how do you implement that? Right? How do you get, how do you break down that wall? Like do you start with your clients? What's your strategy on how to build this? 'cause you clearly built, you, you were in Italy doing it.
You were in London doing it. Now you're here in New York. What is, how do you get the. The how do you get this going? So now evaluating different partners, uh, and selecting the best. Um, this is the B2B stage, so I want to plug in therapy inside the gym space. So imagine when you go to a gym or a wellness facility.
You have the physiotherapy room. You have the physiotherapy room, but you don't have the therapy room. Mm-hmm. So basically a space that after a long day at work, you do your workout and then you let it out. Oh, tomorrow I have a stressful meeting. I dunno what to do about it. I have my safe sanctuary there and I optimize the time because I don't have to commute from a clinic to a gym is only in one at 360.
So this is the first stage, not only one to one, but also group therapy. Uh, so after the last class of the day, you can do the post workout therapy class, the industry saturated with Pilates and boxing and everything. This is something new. Yes. Yeah. And uh, the second stage is to build my own center. This episode is powered by Celsius.
Now, whether you're in the gym or you're on the run, or hey, you're just doing a podcast, grab yourself a can of Celsius and live fit. What I've noticed in a lot of the new construction in a lot of spaces is this, uh, mindfulness room. Mm-hmm. You know, these rooms that actually give people some sort of peace.
You know, especially here in New York City, you walk outside and it is overload. It's input overload. It's the sound, it's the people, it's everything. And there's not a place for people to come together and kind of share their feelings and feel more comfortable, both physically and mentally. Um, when you're doing these things, can you do them in sessions or like, how are you doing it?
Is it one-on-one? Like how do, how do you. How's this practice happened? So, uh, my goal is to have some therapist inside of the gym space that can do the one-to-one, and then you can do the group therapy session. Um, eventually. Have you ever read Dante Inferno? Of course, yes. Yeah. So flip it. I love it. I was in Como in Lake Como one day, and I was learning about marketing because, uh, I have a background as psychologist, but to be an entrepreneur, you need to learn about finance and marketing everything.
It was like, this is the funnel. I reverse it and I was like, imagine that you arrive, you work out. As soon as you progress in your journey, you have sauna, cold plans and then therapy boots. So you can have the one-to-one rooms with a professional qualified professional, but also you can have like a, a group session.
And also I created a manual to train personal trainer in post workout coaching In that sense, because you mentioned that, um, you're working out. And then you sit down on the mat with the same person, okay, now I'm gonna allow you to talk for 30 minutes. And I create a manual for them to how to deal with the first session, how to deal with the dropout, how to read the nonverbal behavior.
Because if you think about that, naturally people open up with not only the personal trainer but with the dresser, with and everything. Well, people, it just feels good. I know just being a human for 43 years. Um. When you talk about this stuff that's bothering you or the things that you feel closed off about, you know, I was just talking about this the other day with someone, um, how there's a lot of things that we're so proud we wanna share.
Yeah. But we don't want to share the things that we're not proud of. Hmm. But when we do, it feels like there's a weight taken off our back. Mm. You know, there's a lot of things about, you know, my past. Um, you know, not being that smart, not being that successful, not like all the things that we wrestle with that kind of sit on our mind.
Yeah. That if we speak about it, I feel like it just kind of lightens the load a little bit. And from a clinical standpoint, I mean, yeah. So this is called a negative core belief. I am not good enough. Yeah. So you, you're more selective to the cues in the environment. They are confirming the, the negative core belief.
Well actually. Change the music, try to focus on the, the small achievements, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. The good things about your life. Yeah. Because we associate vulnerability with weakness, but I think there is a lot of strength in vulnerability. Mm-hmm. It is like I'm able to share my success, but also I'm able to share with my trusted people.
So when it's not okay, you know? Mm-hmm. You're entrepreneur. I imagine that your life is like a roller coaster, highs and lows. Yeah. It's part of the journey. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But it's only when you share, when you, as you said, you offload that you can move on. Yeah. Otherwise you implode. Yeah. And I think a lot of people just, I, I believe that from a physical standpoint too, because like when you're carrying this extra weight.
You know, it starts to pull you down. Yeah. Um, you know, your, your negative thoughts. Mm-hmm. Your. Y you know, all those things start to lead to bad behaviors. I was just with a buddy of mine who's a bodybuilder. Very smart guy. Yeah. Um, and we were, uh, talking and, and just to call him a bodybuilder. I'm, I'm not doing him justice.
He's, he's, uh, a PhD. Very, very smart, very successful guy. And he was saying that there are like four things that make people unsuccessful. I've kind of adopted this in the last two weeks since I've heard it from him because it's so good. And he's like physical pain. Slows people down from being successful.
Uh, stress slows people down. Energy loss, and we, we were talking about how the gym becomes the gateway drug. To all those things improving, which allows you to bloom. Mm-hmm. Yes. For lack of a better word, into the person that you're supposed to be. Because if I could get rid of my physical pain, if I could get rid of, uh, you know, the lack of energy and like kind of gain more energy and, uh, the stress levels that I'm under, if I can improve all those things in my life and this self, uh, doubting belief that I have.
Then I could progress and become better. And that's why I've always challenged myself. I love doing juujitsu. I loved going for runs. When you do something physical now, it allows you to believe that you're doing something better mental. So that's why I really like what you're talking about, where after I do something like that, like I went to, after I finished my, I, I talk about this a lot when I finished my first Ironman.
I was like, oh my God, I could do anything now. Mm. Like, you're riding this high. Yes. So there's, yes, there's this dopamine level that's released. Kind of walk us through like the, the, the medical or the, uh, clinical idea behind that. Yeah. So. We are, uh, the, we publish, um, we are about to publish an article is now on peer review in collaboration with university.
Basically the dopamine is floating your reward system and there is a part called the nucleus accumbens. And in that moment, um. You are literally more open. Your inner dialogue is more positive and your attention span is increased. I call it the dopaminergic window. It lasts 20, 40 minutes. That's the the optimum moment, and most of the people dissipate the dopamine.
Why? Because think about the changing room. As soon as you finish your workout, you scroll on Instagram and you like that picture, and it's like, oh, I was feeling good with my body, but I actually, you know, like, this is better. Or you. Put on your headphones and you go to the subway and, uh, you eat a protein bar, plenty of sugar without even realizing that.
So what happens? These are avoidance mechanism you avoid to actually embrace your emotion, positive or negatives by scrolling, drinking a glass of wine, uh, smoking a cigarette, vaping, uh, whatever you can think of. So you, it's all this input. Yeah. Instead of taking the most out of it. Yeah. That's the thing.
And I practice what I preach after or before my session. I work out because after listening, let's say six, seven clients a day, I need to let it out as well. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we are all human beings, you know? Yeah. You gotta dump those emotions somewhere. Yeah. I was, um, I was saying to somebody, I forget where I read it.
I, and I wish I could remember where I, I heard about this. Um. You know, we go through so many highs and lows and some people kind of hold onto these things. Whether I win or lose, I try to give it like what the recommended dose was, like two minutes. Whether you win or lose, you take two minutes, you take it all in.
Yeah, you enjoy. Yeah, for the two minutes, because beyond two minutes you're like kind of stretching it out a little bit, but you're taking in for the two minutes and then you move on. It's almost this idea of neutral thinking where it's like nothing's good and nothing's bad. It's just how life goes and you wanna enjoy it, but you don't want it to rule your life.
You know? If some people suffer loss, whether it's death in the family, or a loss of a job or whatever it may be, and it that weighs on them and hangs on them, and it deters them from being able to move forward. Why is that? Well, it depends because as I said, um, I don't put people in boxes or categorize.
Yeah. I think that every story is unique, what I'm trying to do in my therapy session, and I want to scale by passing this method to other therapists and eventually to personal trainer doing. Post-workout coaching. Yeah. Therapy. Um, I'd be interested in that too. Okay. I think that's genius. Yeah. Thank you.
Um, it's like, okay, think about this. You're sitting on the front row, you're watching the movie of your life. Think about the main character. Yeah. My experience loss. You may experience a breakdown or a breakup or just got redundant. Think about the main character. How is that person walking, talking, behaving with other people inside of the room?
Now Zoom out. You are the author, you are the odor. So if you can change something, what would you change? This is called the real self and the ideal self. Yeah. The ideal self is the candy was perfect relationship, perfect car, perfect career. Uh, not part about, um. But most of the time it doesn't exist. The ideal self yeah.
Is the, the picture that we see on social media, but the bigger the gap between the SF and the DSF, the bigger the frustration. So you are the author, you can change the script. If you notice that you walk into a room with the shoulders like this speaking unapologetic manner, change the script. Just people don't stop and think about what they're doing and they're repeating the same dysfunctional pattern.
Mm-hmm. So imagine for example, communication, there is a curve, passive, assertive, and aggressive. Do you speak with the person that you care about or even with your colleagues in an apologetic manner? Sorry if if I don't bother you, like can you please, you know, send me that email? They're not gonna respect you.
Yeah, yeah. Or on the other side of the spectrum in an aggressive manner. It's like I told you, I sent you the email two days ago. You never applied to me. Be assertive. You know, you need to be able to set boundaries. You need to be able to express your need in a firm way, but only after you did the work.
For example, the work that we did during the session, you know? Mm-hmm. Awareness, thoughts, action you implement is not, you know, traditional therapy. Okay. I suffer because of this, because my mother was like that. No thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. Action. Okay. I want to implement this and, and be assertive rather than passive or aggressive.
Behaviors. Why You need to be consistent. You need to be to repeat the same action until it gets boring. Only then you can master it. It's so true. I think there's so many people are so ready to blame outside influences on the way they operate. Hmm. You know, so many people, it's locus of control. Yeah. Just to tell you like it's internal or external.
Yeah. This is Bandura internal is that I take ownership of my own action. External is like, oh, I failed the exam because, uh, the professor was not right with me. Or because it was too difficult. When you fail the exam and you can admit, oh, it was my fault and I should have studied enough. Yeah. Yeah. Then you empower yourself.
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, there's, there needs to be more of that. I, I read a great book years ago, uh, Jocko Willis, extreme Ownership. Oh, if you read it, yeah. Yeah. It's an amazing book and I, I talk about it all the time, and it's the way I felt, but he just simplifies it and puts it into a really nice, neat little package.
And it's, it's the idea of taking ownership no matter what happens in your life, no matter what goes wrong, it's your. Responsibility. And the more ownership you take of that, the more ownership you have over your life. You don't let other people dictate what goes on in, in relationship too. Think about, think about the last time you've been on a date.
Um, at the beginning, you don't know anything about that person automatically. Because you are looking for familiarity. You tend to fill the gaps with the idea that you came about somebody else. Yeah. I'm sure that it happened to you or with a or or to a friend and everything, that when things don't, don't go in the way that you imagined.
You say like, I thought you were different, but actually that person was not different. It was the same. It's like, because you create the idea in your mind. Mm-hmm. Take ownership, you know, take ownership of your action and your beliefs as well. I agree. Alright, well listen, we're gonna break right here and we're gonna go grab a coffee real quick because I gotta.
Not every day I get to interview a beautiful woman who wants a coffee, and we're gonna go grab one.
On a less serious note, I'm gonna fire some questions at you as a Italian woman from one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I'm gonna ask you some questions about the difference between real Italians and then what you guys call fake Italians, us New Jersey, new Yorkers. I didn't expect it. So Italian food in New York versus Italian food in Italy, Italy.
Or like it's different. Yeah. Like here, I really like Fasano restaurant. It's amazing. Um, you know, very, because I think that Americans associate Italian food with pizza and pasta. Yeah. But there is so much more. Yeah. I grew up in a city where we live with seafood, you know? Yeah. And it's mostly seafood, isn't it?
Yeah. Like on the coast anyway, at least. Yeah. You have this little tapas called chii and you put like a fish on top. It's amazing. Sauce or gravy? I don't put sauce. I put olive oil, olive oil on everything. Where do you find you, where, where do you find the best Italian food in New York? Uh, as I mentioned before, I think Pano Novita as well.
And then a friend of mine is a pizza place, a place called. Okay. As well. A lot. A lot of places actually. Yeah. Real Italians from Italy, like off, like in the last couple, I guess say 30, 40 years. Are you guys offended by the stereotypes of what Italians are here? Oh my God. You know what certificate conversations?
Like you're from Italy. Oh my god, Venice is amazing. Is it floating? Every single time, really? Or they start speaking with the hands, like this pizza and you're like, that is a very like New York, New Jersey thing for sure. I can't, I can't stand it. Italian Americans like, there's definitely a difference, but like what are we doing that similar to you guys or you know?
Yeah, we are warm, we are open, we are enthusiastic about life. Yeah. I think that this is why I'm also here in New York because. I have a lot of American friends. We literally, we click with bond. Like if you meet someone in the party, you're not afraid to open up and like, instead of other Nordic places where you actually, people are close up and they open up just with alcohol.
But um, yeah, I think we're very similar in that way. Yeah, no, I definitely, I definitely see that. And family oriented. And family oriented. Yeah. You know, that's very important. And now do you get, how often do you get back home? I am basically the psychologist with a suitcase, so I'm like Italy, New York, la London, so, oh wow.
Okay. Yeah. So you have business in LA as well? I go there to do events a lot. What do you like better? New York or la? Don't show this to my, my LA friends, but New York. Yeah. What do you think? What do you think the psychological difference is? The weather's better out there. You would expect the people to be in a better mood.
I feel like here in New York. What I love about New York is. People are so much more real. I, I know this is a very cliche, but like, if somebody's aggressive or like rude, they are, but it's, it's genuine. It's not fake. There's no like bullshit behind a New York. And that's what I think makes this city so great.
Love the authenticity of this city. I love the fact that people are real and you know, like they wear their emotion on their faces. Mm-hmm. Oh, a hundred percent. You can't walk down the street without getting mean mugged or somebody smiling. How now? How long have you been in New York? So six months. Okay. I think it takes such strength.
Both mentally and physically to move to a city like this your way? This is my second time around. Okay. The first time was moving from Italy to London and it was very hard, uh, because at that point I didn't even speak the language. I was just, I have a mission, I want to scale. I want a better future for myself.
And so I basically converted everything. I studied in Italian about psychology, and I translated in English, and that for me was literally. Mind opening. It was like, wow, everybody stays in the small village. They get married, they have kids, and then they, you know, it's, I was like, but if you step out, there is a world outside.
Yeah, yeah, of course. And then New York I think is, um. Also, I think for that reason it's very expensive because he's, he has a high value, it is for the 1% either go big or go home. Yeah. You know, that's, yeah, that's definitely a soundbite right there In New York, it's either go big or go home. I, it's funny because I grew up in New Jersey and I feel the same way about that.
Like there are a lot of people who live across the river who are, don't realize that there's a whole other world outside of New Jersey, like they grew up in a small town. They never leave that town and they think that's all they could ever do. So, but New York teaches you a lot, teaches you to be persistent.
Even when you have the downs. You always need to pick yourself up. You always have to fight, but also good things are happening. You can go out on a Monday night, there is plenty of theaters Yeah. And pop-up shops and events and book clubs and it's, well, you probably get invited to a lot of stuff just because you're a hot woman, you're a hot doctor.
So, you know, it's very, it's very, uh, not as common as you think here, but one of the things I was gonna say was. Here, uh, versus anywhere else? I think there's definitely different archetypes, and maybe you could talk to the, the clinical standpoint of this. There are different personality archetypes that traveled to New York.
People who come here are looking for something bigger. They are looking to fulfill this maybe void in their life. I know for myself, I used to sit across the river. I used to work at a shipping yard in New Jersey and I used to stare at New York and I'm like, that's where I need to be. I need to be there 'cause that's where things are happening and if I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.
I think there's a lot of people who feel that way about New York City. Well, and you could be from anywhere in the world. What is it? What, what's going on biologically in their brain? Like is there something, is there a trigger missing or is there For me, it happened by chance last year, my best friend, Alessia that you met.
Mm-hmm. She said, Ari, do you want to visit me, uh, for Halloween? You're always working. You also need to live your life. And I just arrived here and I literally fell in love with the city and I said. Wow, I see myself here and it was a big step because I love London. I, I had the most amazing time. For a long time I thought it was an out out, like, but it's an add ads because here you feel like an energy that you can do anything that you want to achieve.
And for me it was the mentality of the I achiever. So like, I made it, I want to make it even bigger and uh, I want to pass a bigger message basically, but. It's, uh, it's not for everybody. Yeah. It is not for everybody. It's uh, in big cities, you can feel alone. You can feel isolated. If you don't have a strong community, it's very tough.
Well, I'd say that all the time that New York City is the loneliest city in the world. There are so many people here. I mean, we're sitting outside. It's five o'clock if you go anywhere else. Yeah. Pretty much in the United States. You're not gonna see this many people on one block. Now there's a line of people waiting to get into a bookstore.
Yeah. There are people sitting outside, but most people are sitting alone. These guys are hanging out having a good time. Most people are sitting alone in a city full of 8 million people. We are never been so connected that we are so disconnected. Yes. But what's crazy to me about that is that people wanna be around us.
Like this guy could go sit on his phone at home and do the same thing. People have always gravitated towards New York, and it's always been a lonely city. I think there's something about being in a city and just knowing there's other people around that it puts most people at ease. It's like our heart rates are higher and our blood pressure's higher because there's so much going on, there's so much input.
It's the lights, it's the sound, it's the people, it's everything coming in, you know? And there's not a moment to downregulate your heart rate. However, I think there's a level of comfort that this provides. Just knowing there's other people around. Since I arrived here, I barely slept. Yeah. There's always something to do.
Yeah, always. Honestly. Yeah. I love, I love the energy of the city. I think when I'm not here, I kind of miss it. Like I was just in Las Vegas and even in Las Vegas, which you'd think would be busy and rowdy and things going on. I was there and I just was like, where is it? There, even in a casino, you're like, it's kind of dead.
I think Vegas is missing that spark at once had. Sometimes I think it's the delivery of society because you have plenty of option. If you think about friends, if you think about dating, it's like constantly, constantly, constantly change and it takes a strong mind to actually say, okay, I want at least to have a base, you know, the group of friends that I'm seeing on a Saturday, you know, just to catch up.
After a long week at work, because otherwise you are constantly like, uh, you're constantly changing like a tornado. What are three things that you could think that people could implement into their lives? Like what are some actionable things that people could do right now? Because everybody's like, when I always tell everybody's like, do you have a therapist?
I'm like, yeah, I go to Jiujitsu five times a week and that's my therapy. And in reality, I do feel better. That movement makes me feel better. I'm around other people. It allows me to release aggression, but. At the same time, you know, there is a calming feeling to it, but there are a lot of people who, one don't have that.
They're unwilling to do that work, but they're like, you should go see a therapist. And I, to me, I don't find any release in me just sitting there talking one-on-one. You to have a feedback. Yeah. What, what, what's, what are three things that people could do if they, one can't afford a therapist or don't want to go out and do anything physical?
What could we help people? First of all, it is, uh, how you start your day, your morning routine. I, I used to wake up and check my email straight away and your brain is telling you, danger, danger, danger. You need to be, uh, efficient in survival mode. But I was already stressed. Write down or think about at least three things that you're grateful for, and that is not pop psychology.
You need. Remember when I say that we are focusing on the negative things? Just remind yourself. Okay, this week is good because I'm gonna see this person. I'm gonna do this, uh, this shooting, I'm gonna do this event. Okay? Three things you're grateful for, then you start your day. Second thing. Use less your phone.
Yes. As a professional we need to use it because we need to pass a bigger message and post contact and, uh, schedule our meetings. But when you can be present in the here and now, not fly to the future and worry about the future or ruminate about the past, but try to be in the here and now and 13 at least every i, I do it every day, but like.
Some movement. It can be a walk, you know, don't take the subway until the office, but just stop before and walk a little bit. I like that. Yeah. Or uh, you know, it's a great little simple hack. Take the steps to get some extra steps in. Yeah. If you can take the stairs instead of the elevator. What I've been in the past, probably, I'd say 10 years, I've really gotten into manifestation, writing things down, saying it out loud.
Truly believing in what I want out of life. What is the science behind that? Or is there any science behind it? I'm not that familiar with the science behind manifestation. I, because basically I study for 10 years. Mm-hmm. Evidence based theory. Yeah. I think it's only when I move to America that I start familiarizing with manifestation, but I think it's another way to say, look, if you are open.
To welcome positive things in your life. They're gonna find you. If you have good energy, you attract people with good energy, you know? Yeah, yeah. In a nutshell. Then, of course, for years it was like a very intellectual nerd student of psychology and everything. But now I'm also open to, to these things as well.
My grandmother, she was from Italy. Um, she was a, a farm girl. And then moved to the states and she worked on a farm. And one of the things she always used to talk about is you'll catch, she used to say, when we were younger, she's like, you'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. And I was like, the hell is she talking about?
Like, I'm like five years old. I'm like, why don't you catch more flies with honey? But it's when you're sweeter to people and you're bitter at people and you put that energy out there, yes, it comes back tenfold and it might not come back right away. But like the more I put good vibes out there, the more things that I do for other people.
I feel like the more it comes back to same, same. I, for me, I have no interest to say like, yes, I'm the best at what I'm doing and everything. No, be authentic. Yeah. Be humble, you know? Work hard in silence. Yeah. And let them success be your noise. But I think in our culture, especially here in America, we love trolls.
We love people who like. Feed on other people's souls. Like if somebody's down, I feel like the American way sometimes is to kick them while they're down. Oh yeah. If somebody's having a bad day, it's like shit on them even more. I made my little success earlier in life, feed my twenties and uh, a lot of people comment.
She was lucky just because she did this, she did that. You know? But I actually appreciate someone at success. There is space for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. You just need to stand up, go and get it. Scarcity mindset I think is another huge issue here. Like everybody thinks, well, if you are successful, then I can't be successful.
I, I would be interested to finding out why we feel that way so much. I mean, I'm not, I'm guilty of it myself. But I talk myself out of it a lot of times because some of the people that I do business with here in New York City do the exact same thing as me. Oh yeah. I sort support their businesses and it's never like, well, I lost business because of them.
No, but also, it's not the truth, it's not the case. Please, for example, is important, uh, as a therapist. I see this scenario over and over, and so you understand that from the CEO of a company till the influencer on Instagram, till the, uh, waitress in hospitality, we all have flaws. So even if I see, for example, now I also, it's almost like a train ma.
I'm not touched by comparison anymore. Yeah. Because I pick behind the curtains. Yeah. Yeah. So I know that even that person. Has his own struggles and anxiety, but it, it required me here to arrive at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It took me a while to get to, like, to realize I, the people that I thought were the most successful, this, they're struggling the most.
I see that every day. Yeah. They're struggling the most because you always want more and more and more. You never satisfied, you know? Do you think that's a, um, a cultural difference that we have with other countries? Here in America, like it's never enough here. Like everybody needs to be a billionaire.
Nobody. For instance, the guys who own Impact Kitchen, we were talking about, there are people who work for Impact Kitchen in Toronto that take pride in their job. They're like, this is what I do for a living. It's, it's a noble job. Whereas like here, it's hard to find people because everybody thinks they should be an influencer.
They should be the center of attention. They should be a billionaire, like everybody thinks they should be the top of the food chain. I don't think it is a cultural difference because I'm Italian, but I decided to come here. Mm-hmm. But for example, I noticed the difference my, my small village, when I go there, there is like a broader middle class.
And so you find Joy Evening having like a dinner at home with your friends. Mm-hmm. The most relaxing and joyful moments I experienced this year. Despite, like trying to building an empire and try to see the clients and, and work on the business and everything and try to do everything as a solo female founder.
The most stressful moments I had in Italy when I was like, oh my God, I can just go to the seaside and never walk and I'm happy. Yeah. And I don't have to be the best and I don't have to hear capitalistic society and everything. You always need to prove, okay, I'm the best. I'm working today. It's like, oh, uh, you are going to the gym.
You're going to the gym now is four. Like, really? So you're not working enough? Is like, who cares? Like, I want to move my body. I go and I do it. You know, one of the things that I had touched on, I don't know if you saw my talk with Laird Hamilton and Gabby Reese and Ah, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I was there. So there was, uh, there was a point where I was saying, you know, people could admit that they're, I always talk about the importance of having good friends.
Yeah. And. People feel some sort of shame if they don't have a significant other. But like people would admit that they're single, whereas no one wants to admit they don't have really good friends. You know, for me it's like having really good friends is such an important part of life. Yeah. And people don't value that as much.
I think when people meet somebody like a significant other, they cut off all their friends, they move away and they. They're like, oh, I have the one person I need. And then when that per God forbid, or whatever happens, that falls apart, people then go back to those friends and look for them for support, you know?
What do you think, do you value or do you talk to your clients about the importance of friendship? Just as much as I talk, I think exercise and friendship are two things that everyone should be fostering more. For me, the most beautiful things is, uh. To be able to host a dinner for my friends. And then I remember even in Italy, we were speaking about religion, philosophy, politics, theater, s everything, you know, and uh, I have some friends who play the guitar, other friends like are writing like me, and you create this special circle in every city.
I changed so many cities in my life and houses as well. What always kept me grounded was having a circle of trusted friends because. In order to pursue your business, sometimes you cannot. I mean, in the past, I, I needed to cut some relationship in order to pursue my business and everything, but what kept me grande was having friends.
You know, and I see how how many people are isolated is when you isolated that you, you basically feed the fear and the self-doubt and the rumination and the worrying. But actually, if it's like, actually today I'm not feeling that good. Yeah. Can you come over and you have a friend coming over and you just like.
You know, just watch a movie and be together. That makes a difference. Yeah. How, how often do you prescribe that to people? Because for me, I think there's, what we're missing in healthcare today is prescribing the most human thing. Things, right? Movement should be number one. Yes. Get out there and like if I'm depressed, sitting in my room, it's happened to me.
If I get up too late on a Saturday or a Sunday and I don't really have much to do and I sit in bed, or I'm sitting in my apartment for too long, I start to get a little stir crazy. I have to get out. As soon as I get out, I start moving. Things change. It's the same thing with friendships. Like when I start to feel self-doubt, I feel like things are falling apart.
I need to call somebody. And how often are, and are they teaching that in school to have people like, Hey, the simplest things for you to do, or reach out to a friend, go move, go exercise, go for a run or walk, whatever it is. Is that something that they teach you in school? No, they don't teach that in school.
But for example, I grew up playing sports, so you always have that group of friends. I used to play 80 year of basketball. My father is a football player. He played all his life football, and you have like all these group of friends. But for me, the perfect example is a Sunday. Like maybe you go out on a Saturday and you wake up on a Sunday and go over if you stay alone all day in bed.
A hundred percent. You can experience anxiety symptoms of depressive symptoms, but if actually it can go out but moderate, you know, like alcohol, it and everything, then it makes a difference because on a Sunday you can actually go out and meet your friend for a branch and for a walk or like for a, to do a workout together.
Yeah. The facility. Yeah. I think that's, I what I sell on a daily basis is I try to get people to one. Build muscle tissue and you know, get healthier in a physical way, but also communicate with somebody else. Like in the gym, you either work out with a personal trainer or I pair you up somebody else Yeah.
To work out with for a session. Because now that gives you an opportunity, at least for that hour to communicate with somebody else, to go through some sort of struggle with somebody else, because that ultimately will help. 99% of people get through a hard day. Absolutely. I just agree with you on that.
Well, we're gonna go through a little workout now on the subject of working out, we're gonna go back to the gym. We'll hit a little workout, uh, and then we'll go through. Maybe I'll get a little therapy session. Let's do it.