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Welcome to Happening in Henderson, the weekly show where hosts Mark and Joleen serve up Henderson’s news with equal parts insight, cynicism, and sharp-edged humor. From local headlines and community events to crime updates, school district drama, weather forecasts, sports highlights, and brutally honest restaurant reviews, nothing is off limits.
Whether you’re a lifelong local or new to the 890xx life, this is the place to stay informed… without falling asleep.
MARK: Welcome back to another episode of Happening in Henderson. It's Wednesday, March 18, 2026. I'm Mark, and I'm joined by the voice of sunshine and nihilism herself, Joleen.
JOLEEN: Hello to all you beautiful bastards. I'm feeling especially upbeat today because the sun is out, the traffic on the I-215 is absolute dog shit, and we've got enough local drama to keep me from thinking about my own life for at least twenty minutes.
MARK: We're starting today with some self-congratulation from the city. Henderson's been ranked the second safest large city in the country again. I'm sure that makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy, even if you can't walk to your mailbox without seeing a ring camera notification about a suspicious person in a hoodie.
JOLEEN: Oh, it's such a load of shit. Being the 'second safest' city is like being the person who's only 'slightly' infested with lice. You're still itching, but at least the guy next to you is scratching his scalp off. But hey, if the city wants to pat itself on the back while our car insurance premiums continue to skyrocket, who am I to stop them? If you want to yell at us or tell us we're wrong, hit us up at henderson@thehappeningnetwork.com. Or don't. I'm not your mother.
MARK: Actually, we should probably tell them to like and subscribe too. That's what the kids do. If you like hearing us talk about the slow decay of suburban paradise, smash that button like it's a pothole on Eastern Avenue.
JOLEEN: Exactly. Subscribe so you don't miss the next time I lose my mind over a school board meeting. Now, let's get into some actual news before I start cursing at the birds outside my window.
MARK: Our first big headline is a bit of a history lesson. Tomorrow, Thursday the 19th, the Henderson Historical Society is hosting a lecture about our brand-new designation. We've officially been named an American World War II Heritage City. It's a joint honor with Boulder City, and it's basically the government's way of saying, 'Hey, thanks for all that magnesium and for not letting the world end in the forties.'
JOLEEN: A heritage city. That's adorable. It only took eighty years for them to notice that we built the literal foundation of the Allied victory. I mean, Basic Magnesium was cranking out shit that helped win the war, and now we're celebrating it at the Clark County Museum with a lecture at 6:00 PM. I hope they serve drinks, because history is much better with a stiff gin and tonic.
MARK: It's a huge deal for the local history buffs. They're going to talk about how the National Park Service recognized the massive industrial contribution here. It's funny because when you drive past those old industrial sites now, you don't think 'Victory Garden,' you think 'I hope my tires don't melt on this road.' But it's cool that the city is leaning into its roots.
JOLEEN: It's all about branding, Mark. We're not just a sprawling desert suburb anymore; we're a 'Heritage City.' It makes the sixty-dollar water bill feel a little more patriotic, doesn't it? 'I'm not wasting water; I'm hydrating a historic landscape.' It's brilliant. If you're bored tomorrow night, go listen to them talk about the good old days when the air was lead-filled and the jobs were plentiful.
MARK: Speaking of the city government, did you see the update on the 'Meet up with the City Council' events? They just released new dates on the 12th. Apparently, they really want to hear from us. Or they want to pretend to hear from us while they check their emails under the table.
JOLEEN: Oh, I love those. It's just an invitation for retirees to go and complain about the height of their neighbor's oleanders for three hours. It's basically a live-action version of Nextdoor, but with more beige clothing and less anonymity. I'm sure the council members are thrilled.
MARK: On a much somber note, the Henderson Police Department is mourning the loss of one of their own. Detective Brandonn Trotter passed away, and the city held a moment of silence and a news release on the 10th. It's a reminder that even in the 'safest city,' the people doing the work are carrying a heavy load.
JOLEEN: Yeah, that's genuinely sad. It's easy to be a cynical bitch about the police when you're getting a ticket for doing 40 in a 35, but when someone loses a life like that, it puts things in perspective. Our hearts go out to the family and the department. It's been a tough week for them, especially with the other crazy shit that's been happening on the streets lately.
MARK: Like the e-bike bandits? We've got a major update on the vandalism at Legacy Golf Club that we talked about recently. Remember those kids who tore up the greens on illegal e-motorcycles? Well, the cops actually caught them.
JOLEEN: They caught the little shits! On March 12th, the HPD announced they arrested three juveniles for the vandalism. I'm honestly impressed they found them. I figured those kids would just vanish into the Henderson hills and start a new society based entirely on wheelies and Monster Energy drinks.
MARK: It wasn't just a little grass damage, either. They were facing thousands in repairs. These kids were riding what looked like full-on electric dirt bikes on the fairways. I mean, who does that? Do you know how much a golf membership costs? You're lucky an angry boomer didn't tackle you with a nine-iron before the cops arrived.
JOLEEN: The audacity is what gets me. You're fourteen years old, you've got an e-bike that costs more than my first car, and you decide the best use of your time is to do donuts on a putting green. That's a special kind of stupid. I hope their parents have to pay every cent of those damages. I want to see those kids out there with hand-mowers for the rest of the summer.
MARK: The police used the arrest to put out a huge warning about e-bike safety and illegal motorized vehicles on trails. They're basically saying that if it's got a throttle and you're using it to terrorize the local wildlife or the local golfers, they're coming for you. It's about time, honestly. Those things are silent and deadly.
JOLEEN: They're the ninjas of the suburbs. You're walking your golden retriever, and suddenly a kid on a Sur-ron flies past you at forty miles per hour. It's a miracle more people haven't been hurt. Maybe now that there's been an actual arrest, the parents around here will stop treating those bikes like harmless toys and start realizing they're motorized vehicles.
MARK: Don't hold your breath. Moving from the criminals to the students, Spring Break officially ended on Sunday. Classes resumed Monday morning, which explains why the school zones were such a nightmare this week. Everyone forgot how to drive at 15 miles per hour over the last seven days.
JOLEEN: Monday morning was the worst. Seeing those kids trudging back to school looking like they'd just returned from a war zone because they had to give up their sleep-in schedule. It's beautiful. Welcome back to the grind, tiny humans. Only a few more months until you can be bored at home all summer.
MARK: The school district is actually seeing some interesting shifts, though. While the Clark County School District is losing about 9,000 students overall, Burkholder Middle School here in Henderson is seeing a massive surge. They converted to a magnet school, the Lyal Burkholder Academy of Environmental Science, and their enrollment jumped by 33 percent.
JOLEEN: Thirty-three percent! People are that desperate for 'Environmental Science'? Or maybe they're just desperate to get out of their neighborhood schools. I looked into this, and they've got this new 15-million-dollar grant that paid for a designing and modeling lab with 3D printers and a hydroponics system. They're literally teaching kids how to grow food without soil.
MARK: It's a smart move. If you want to keep kids in public schools, you've got to offer something other than just standard textbooks and a depressing cafeteria. Burkholder is focusing on STEM and environmental anthropology. They even have a podcasting class! I wonder if they're as cynical as we are.
JOLEEN: Probably more so. They're the ones who are going to have to deal with the water shortages we're ignoring. But seriously, it's good to see a local school succeeding when the rest of the district is hemorrhaging students. It shows that if you actually put money into facilities and programs, parents won't go running to the nearest charter school.
MARK: Exactly. Although, the math and reading proficiency scores at Burkholder are still in the bottom 50 percent for the state, so maybe we should worry less about the 3D printers and more about the three R's. But hey, at least they can 3D print a model of a book they can't read.
JOLEEN: Mark, you're such a dickhead. Let them have their hydroponic lettuce and their podcasts. Maybe they'll find a way to fix the world while they're at it. God knows we're not doing it.
MARK: Fair enough. Let's talk about something we can all agree on: pizza. I went to Settebello Pizzeria Napoletana over the weekend at The District. It's one of the few places in the country that's actually VPN certified.
JOLEEN: Oh, here we go. The 'authentic' debate. For those of you who don't know, VPN stands for Vera Pizza Napoletana, which is basically a fancy Italian club that tells you you're only allowed to make pizza one specific way or you're a heretic. It's the most pretentious thing since artisanal salt.
MARK: It's not pretentious; it's tradition. They use a wood-burning kiln, and the pizza cooks in about ninety seconds. I had the Settebello pizza with house-made sausage and pancetta. It's that soft, chewy crust that's a bit wet in the middle. It's delicious.
JOLEEN: Wet in the middle? You mean undercooked. I've been there, Mark. I ordered the Margherita, and the center of the pizza was basically a puddle. I had to eat it with a fork and knife like some kind of European aristocrat. If I wanted soup on bread, I'd go to Panera.
MARK: You're missing the point. That's the style! It's supposed to be delicate. You're just used to that cardboard-crust delivery stuff that you can use as a frisbee. Settebello is about the quality of the ingredients. The mozzarella is DOC certified. It's literally imported from Italy.
JOLEEN: I don't care if the cheese was personally blessed by the Pope; if it makes my crust soggy, I'm out. I will say the meatballs were fantastic, though. And the Nutella pizza for dessert? That's the only thing that kept me from leaving a nasty review on Yelp. But seriously, who has time for a ninety-second pizza that takes twenty minutes to wait for a table?
MARK: The wait is because everyone knows it's the best spot in Green Valley for a date. The vibe is great. Industrial but warm. It's way better than sitting in a booth at a chain restaurant where the loudest sound is a kid crying into his chicken tenders.
JOLEEN: I'll give you the vibe. The District is great for people-watching. I saw a guy walking a miniature pig there last Tuesday. Only in Henderson. But next time, let's go somewhere where they actually cook the dough until it's crispy. I'm a simple woman, Mark. I like my carbs structurally sound.
MARK: We'll see. Let's check in on the Henderson Silver Knights. They've been on a absolute heater lately. As of this week, they've won four straight games. They just handled the Abbotsford Canucks twice, including a 7-5 win and a 4-1 victory.
JOLEEN: They're actually playing like they want to be there! It's a miracle. After that shootout loss to Colorado we mentioned a while back, I thought they were toast. But Tanner Laczynski came back from the NHL, and suddenly the offense is on fire. He's got like 47 points on the season now.
MARK: And don't forget Ben Hemmerling. He was named the AHL Rookie of the Month for February, and he's still playing out of his mind. He had ten points in nine games. It's nice to see some of the younger guys actually stepping up when it matters. They're sitting in the final playoff spot right now, just a couple points above San Diego.
JOLEEN: It's tight. Every game feels like a playoff game at Lee's Family Forum. I love that arena, but the parking is starting to become a real bitch now that more people are showing up. I guess that's the price of success. Or the price of people realizing there's nothing else to do on a Tuesday night.
MARK: They're heading out to Coachella Valley soon, which will be a huge test. If they can keep this streak alive, they've got a real shot at a deep run. It's funny how a few wins can change the whole mood in the city. Suddenly everyone's wearing their silver and gold again.
JOLEEN: I just hope they don't break my heart. I've got enough trauma from the Raiders this season. Speaking of breaking hearts, let's talk about the roads. Specifically, the ramp closures on the I-215.
MARK: Yeah, it's not great. This past Sunday and Monday, we had major closures at the Green Valley Parkway off-ramp and the Pecos on-ramp. They're doing this 'ramp realignment' work from 9:00 PM to 6:00 AM. It's part of the massive widening project between Pecos and Stephanie.
JOLEEN: Ramp realignment. That's just a fancy way of saying 'we're going to make you drive three miles out of your way to find an open exit.' I got stuck in that mess on Sunday night. The orange cones are multiplying like rabbits out there. I'm convinced they just move them around to keep us on our toes.
MARK: The goal is to get that diverging diamond interchange finished at Green Valley Parkway by 2027. We're also seeing the Reimagine Boulder Highway project hit its halfway point. They've finished a lot of the utility work and the lighting, but we've still got years of construction left.
JOLEEN: Boulder Highway is basically one giant construction zone now. They're reducing it from six lanes to four, which sounds like a nightmare for traffic but they say it'll make it safer for pedestrians. Considering that road accounts for a quarter of all traffic deaths in the city, I guess we shouldn't complain too much. But man, it's slow.
MARK: The city is also doing a study on those new LED lights on the I-215 because people are complaining they're too bright. They're looking at installing shields, but not until the second half of this year. So, for now, if you feel like you're driving into a stadium spotlight, it's not your imagination.
JOLEEN: It's blinding! I feel like I'm being interrogated by the FBI every time I drive toward Stephanie Street. I have to wear sunglasses at night like I'm a washed-up rock star. I'm glad they're doing a study, but maybe they could've noticed 'hey, this light is brighter than the sun' before they bolted it to the pole.
MARK: Common sense isn't always part of the engineering process, Joleen. Let's look at the real estate market. The big buzzword for 2026 is the 'Great Housing Reset.' Experts are saying we're entering a period where incomes are finally rising faster than home prices for the first time in years.
JOLEEN: A reset? Is that like when you turn your router off and on again to make it work? Because I don't see the prices dropping. The median sale price in Henderson is sitting right around 505,000 dollars. That's up 4 percent from last year. If that's a 'reset,' it's the most expensive reset in history.
MARK: The idea is that it's a normalization. Sales were actually down five percent last year because nobody wanted to move and give up their low interest rates. But now we're seeing more inventory hit the market. There's about 20 percent more homes available than there were six months ago.
JOLEEN: More inventory is good, but who can afford a half-million-dollar starter home on a teacher's salary? It's crazy. And then you look at places like MacDonald Highlands where the median price is over two million. It's a tale of two cities out here. You've either got a view of the Strip and a five-car garage, or you're fighting for a condo in Green Valley.
MARK: It's definitely competitive. The average home is still selling in about 64 days, which is longer than it used to be, but the 'hot' homes are still gone in a month. If you're looking to buy, you've actually got a little bit of leverage now to ask for repairs or closing costs. That's the 'reset' part.
JOLEEN: Leverage? I'll believe it when I see it. Every time I look at Zillow, I just end up crying into my lukewarm coffee. But hey, if you've got the cash, Henderson is still a better investment than almost anywhere else in the valley. Just don't expect a bargain.
MARK: Exactly. Now, for the weekend guide. If you're looking for something a bit different tomorrow night, the Henderson Equality Center is hosting a Polyamory Discussion Group at 7:00 PM. It's a community space for people to talk about consensual non-monogamy.
JOLEEN: Now that's a weekend activity! Why have one person to argue with about what to eat for dinner when you can have three? In all seriousness, the Equality Center does great work, and they have all kinds of groups like this. If you're curious or looking for community, it's a safe place to go. Just remember to bring your communication skills, because that sounds like a lot of talking.
MARK: If you're more into beer than polyamory, the Great Vegas Festival of Beer is coming up next Saturday, the 28th. It's in downtown Vegas, but Mojave Brewing and Big Dog's from Henderson will be there. It's the 15th anniversary of the festival, and they've got over a hundred breweries signed up.
JOLEEN: I'm there. Unlimited samples and local food trucks? That's my version of heaven. They've got a new location at 6th and Carson this year, and they're expecting over 10,000 people. If you see me there, don't ask me for directions. I'll be three IPA samples deep and looking for the nearest taco truck.
MARK: Just make sure you take an Uber. The city has been cracking down on impaired driving lately with their Joining Forces initiative. It's not worth the risk, especially with the 'second safest city' reputation to uphold.
JOLEEN: Don't be a dickhead, Mark. Of course take an Uber. Ride-sharing is the only way to survive a beer festival. And the weather is going to be perfect for it, although maybe a little too perfect.
MARK: That's a good segue into the weather. We're looking at a serious warming trend. Today we're hitting a high of 82, and by the weekend we could see temperatures pushing 90. There's even an Extreme Heat Warning for some of the lower elevations in the surrounding areas.
JOLEEN: Ninety degrees in March. This is fine. Everything is fine. We've officially skipped spring and gone straight to 'pre-summer hell.' I'm not ready for this. I haven't even finished my spring cleaning, and now I have to worry about my car's air conditioning giving up the ghost.
MARK: It's definitely unseasonable. The average for this time of year is usually in the low seventies. We're seeing highs that are twenty degrees above normal. The UV index is also creeping up to a 6, so if you're planning to be outside at the park or the golf course--staying off the greens, hopefully--you'll need the sunscreen.
JOLEEN: And hydrate, people! Don't be that person who faints at the grocery store because you forgot that water exists. And for the love of God, don't leave your dogs in the car. It's only 82 outside, but your car is basically a convection oven. I will break your window with zero hesitation if I see a puppy in distress.
MARK: She's not joking. She carries a window breaker in her purse for this exact reason. Looking ahead to next week, we might see a slight dip back into the high seventies, but the heat is here to stay for a bit. It's a great time to hit the trails early in the morning before the sun starts trying to murder you.
JOLEEN: Or just stay inside with the blackout curtains drawn and pretend it's still February. That's my plan. Well, that's all the time we have for today's disaster report. Thanks for sticking with us.
MARK: Don't forget to reach out to us at henderson@thehappeningnetwork.com if you have any stories or just want to complain about the I-215. We'll be back next week with more updates on everything Happening in Henderson.
JOLEEN: Bye, dickheads. Stay safe and try not to get arrested on an e-bike this weekend.