Why Our View Of God Matters

What is Courage for the Journey?

Welcome to Courage for the Journey with Julie Fillinger where real stories and honest conversations inspire the strength to take your next step.

Why Our View of God Matters
Podcast Episode 17
Recorded 01/08/26
Posted 01/13/26
Today I am reflecting on our Courage for the Journey Live series that Eric and I are co-leading.
We made this announcement in my podcast interview with him. He was so good in that interview, and I would love for you to hear it. If you want to check it out, it was posted on December 30th.

So, this past Wednesday, we taught our first session in the series.
Why Our View of God Matters
• we both felt God leading us to do this
• we put a lot of study and prayer into the preparation
• my interview with Eric had gone so well
I assumed it would go off seamlessly. But it didn’t. It went okay, but not great, and I wanted it to be perfect the first time.
The good news is the substance of the teaching was God’s Word and that is always good. And I trust the Holy Spirit will not let that return void in the hearts and minds of the gracious crowd that gathered.
If we speak Truth, the Holy Spirit has something to work with. That’s always a comfort. And reminds me when we do what we do for God’s Glory, we also trust Him for the results.
So, Eric and I will work on our transitions, and we will see what happens next week.

I do want to reflect on what was taught in Session 1.
Session 1 is about our view of God -who He is and how our view of Him informs how we live.
Knowing God helps us answer the question, “can God be trusted to come through?”
“Can God be trusted to come through?”
God has used trials – hard things in life- to teach us who He is on a deeper level.
As a young Christian, I didn’t want to admit that getting to know God was different than what I expected.
I didn’t always like what I saw because He was showing Himself to be different than the god I thought He was.

One of the first really tragic events in my life was the spontaneous abortion of my first pregnancy. Only we called it a miscarriage, because there was a problem with the way my body was carrying my baby.
My OB/Gyn was not available when I was miscarrying. The one on call for the group told me this was nature’s way of taking care of things, as if the baby would be unwanted if something was less than perfect with him or her.
But I should be able to carry on, because it wasn’t my fault.
She meant it to encourage me as a young healthy woman able to get pregnant again, only it disturbed me as I wrestled with thoughts of wondering if God was taking my baby because I wouldn’t have been able to handle him or her if there was something “wrong”.
I grew up with kindness in my household. I became a nurse to show mercy to others. To think my baby had to die because I could not take care of them if they had something wrong exposed me. If this were true, what kind of a monster was I?
And just to make sure I realized the depths of my selfishness, nature took care of things a second time, right on the heels of the first.
I was devastated by both losses and the idea of the bad person I was. I thought if only I had better character or was stronger God would not have had to take my babies.
Eric and I did not seek to understand and comfort one another well during these losses. I think we wanted to, but we didn’t know how. We were grieving differently and longed to be intimate again, but it seemed forces were against us.
I think I expected Eric fulfill me in a way that only God can. And when he didn’t, it threatened to drive us apart.
Thankfully, we both love the Lord. And He was committed to holding us together.

It was at this time, a friend gave me Psalm 139 to read and consider. It comforted me even though I didn’t really understand all that I was reading.
Over the years God would bring Eric to this passage as well to teach us both our view of Him was of primary importance.
So, it is not a surprise when we were discussing the curriculum for this Courage for the Journey series, that Psalm 139 would be the first passage we looked at.
I’m not going to read the whole passage to you. But it would be helpful, when you have a moment of quiet to open your bible and read it for yourself.

In the first six verses we learn that God is all-knowing. And not only that He knows everything, but how far He will go to know us.
I like to think I am an open book to God. That I welcome Him to search me completely and know me fully. But if I am honest, there are some things I am tempted to hide.
Which is ridiculous because God knows every little thing about me. His hand is intended to be gentle and reassuring to draw me close. But sometimes it can feel overwhelming.
God knows us so personally. We will continue talking about this as we go along.
It is magnificent to consider but also intense. If such knowledge feels so lofty you sometimes feel the urge to escape, you are not alone.
Which transitions us to the next stanza.

Verses 7-12 teach us about God’s presence.
He is present everywhere and not bound by time or space. He doesn’t have a beginning, and He created time and space.
Time and space are created for our benefit to bring order and structure, but He’s not bound by it.
This attribute is closely related to His eternality. He never had a beginning and He will never end.
We can somewhat grapple with life eternal future because therein lies our hope. But to think but to think God never had a beginning and just always existed, blows our minds.

Think about a time in your life when God used something hard to get you to see His presence was with you all along.
When trials come, I tend to have extreme responses -that either God has left me all alone or where can I go to flee Him. When I suffered those first two losses, I felt tormented and my initial response was to try to flee from God.
There is absolutely no where I could go to be free of God’s presence. His presence is everywhere. God intends this truth to be comforting. But since I was trying to hide, it was terrifying.
This passage reminds us of another of God’s prophets.
Poor Jonah was miserable as he tried to flee God. He found out this was not possible as God appointed a big fish to swallow him up.
He hung out in there for three days to contemplate whether or not he would surrender to God.
Then he called out to the LORD in distress. You can read his prayer in Jonah 2.
I know this is a picture of Christ’s burial, but doesn’t it seem like Jonah would have cried out sooner than three days from the belly of a fish?
Sometimes we think darkness will hide us from God. But there is no darkness with God. He is light and that light shines so brightly, darkness is as light to Him. There is nowhere to go to run and hide from God.
May we, like David, come to realize this is a very good thing.
I no longer think my miscarriages were a result of my sin. God used the losses in my life to get me to realize I could not run or hide from Him.
And when I stopped trying to, I was comforted by His presence. He knew me and loved me and His strong right hand was intended to hold me.

How can we remind ourselves this week to practice God’s presence?

As the Psalm continues, it brings the first two stanzas together to carry forward the thought of our Creator as the Author of every detail of our being.

Verses 13-16 teach us about God laying out the course of our life.
This section illustrates how well God knows us. There is no more deeper concealment than the womb. We see from these verses that God set His special love on us from the earliest stages of personal life.
This also shows the sovereignty of God in reproduction.
Eric asked us if we have lost our sense of wonder over the miracle of conception and birth.
Do we approach life as merely scientific and even think in our arrogance that we can control birth? David teaches us otherwise.
When God formed us, He laid out the course of our lives and set us apart for distinction. Nothing was hidden as we were intricately woven, as if embroidered with various colors.
All the days of our life were written in His book before there was even one of them.
When we walk through the fire of trials and testing, we have no fear!
Why? Because God knows. God is there. God is powerful enough to create us and sustain us.
This is a special comfort as I contemplate the lives of my unborn babies. I never got to see them or know them this side of heaven. What used to torment me, I now find comforting as I have assurance of God’s plan and care for them.

Moving on, in Psalm 139:17-18 David shares his response to the vast extent of God’s thoughts and power.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
This is a little overwhelming and feels a little heavy to contemplate, and maybe it should.
But this is what David has come to realize.
God will not leave the work of His own hands to chance.
God knows us. And every time we awake, He is ready to meet with us so we can know Him.

While we are still basking in the glow of knowing God and being known by Him, as we continue in the text, the next verses may seem a bit disturbing.
Verses 19-22 discuss David’s feelings towards the wicked.
Oh, what to do with these verses! Some may like to cut them out of this Psalm or feel as though they don’t fit here.
Derek Kidner gives really good insights to help walk us through this. Kidner says that “the abrupt change from reverie to resolve is disturbing, but that evil boasting in full view of God is intolerable.”

I love it that David, under divine inspiration, does not shy away from making us uncomfortable.
Just sit and be uncomfortable for minute as we consider these verses and how they fit in the context of the whole passage.
David says that the wicked speak against God with malicious intent and His enemies take God’s name in vain.
When the boys were little, we were very strict about taking the Lord’s name in vain. After all, it’s one of the ten commandments and God will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
So, we wouldn’t let the boys even say gosh. It was too close to being irreverent.
But this passage is teaching that taking the Lord’s name in vain is not just saying His name in an angry, cursing way. It is also doing something contrary to His character, especially those who claim the name of Christ.
If we call ourselves a Christian, we must know the nature and character of God so we can uphold His Name in a worthy manner. That’s true worship!

In this stanza, David is pointing out the holiness of God.
It is possible for God to judge those who oppose Him with correct judgment and consequence and yet be good to all because He is holy.
In one of the more powerful moments of his teaching, Eric challenged us consider what it would look like for God to be all-knowing, all-present, and all-powerful but not holy.
That being would be more like a tyrant, and not the God we serve.
Even if we don’t understand why He isn’t doing what we want or what we think would be best. Because He is holy, we can and must trust God’s actions are pure and right and good.
Learning how to trust God is how we started this conversation. And it will continue as we learn God can be trusted to come through.

As we go back to beginning thoughts, we note how this time David is asking God to search him and know him.
In verses 23-24, David knows there is not only evil around him, but also evil that lurks in his own heart.
So, he asks God to keep continuing His work to expose the grievous sin he still struggles with.
David’s grievous sins are general wickedness and specifically idolatry -which is putting anything in the place God should hold in our hearts.
This is why he is a man after God’s own heart. When confronted with sin, David sees it the same way God does and he wants to be rid of it.
He is not afraid of the trials that God will bring to accomplish this. Why? This is the way to the good life, the way everlasting, which shines more and more to the perfect day.
This is how The Message puts it:
Investigate my life, O God,
Find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
Get a clear picture of what I am about;
See for Yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
Then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Closing
As I reflect on those hard days of losses due to miscarriage, I remember my struggle with God. I was angry and hurt.
I didn’t know God or even myself like I do now. And yet He was patient with me and used those times of grieving to teach me about Himself and even prepare me for future pain.
At the time, I was fearful of what I may find – that knowing God more would prove disappointing.
My younger self could not have been more wrong. The more I know of God, the greater He gets. He has always been great. But my ability to see Him as He is changes as I grow. Now I see Him not only as great but also as good. Making that shift in my heart and mind is significant. He is great. And He is also good.
He knows me and loves me enough not to leave me in a place any less than what is perfect.
Even though I don’t enjoy the suffering that is necessary to accomplish the growth, I am learning His kindness is greater than the suffering endured, even on this side of heaven.
And remembering this helps me to ask God to search me and try me and remove any grievous thing in me that would keep me from knowing Him and being known by Him on the most intimate level.
Living this way now is just a taste of what is to come which guides me on the road to eternal life.

Psalm 139
English Standard Version
Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.
139 O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.[b]
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts![c]
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting![d]