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Rob Kenney from the Youtube channel Dad, How Do I... joins Stephen this week to discuss the premise of his new book as well as the background behind launching a Youtube channel showing others basic life skills. He discusses the importance of being willing to learn new things, showing your mentee it's ok to not know how to do something, and how to incorporate that into your mentoring relationship.
Show Notes
Rob Kenney from the Youtube channel Dad, How Do I... joins Stephen this week to discuss the premise of his new book as well as the background behind launching a Youtube channel showing others basic life skills. He discusses the importance of being willing to learn new things, showing your mentee it's ok to not know how to do something, and how to incorporate that into your mentoring relationship.
Purchase Rob's Book: http://dadhowdoiofficial.com
Rob's Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/dadhowdoi
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase Rob's Book: http://dadhowdoiofficial.com
Rob's Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/dadhowdoi
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:A mentor carries what some would say is the greatest responsibility one can choose to take on in life. A mentor's job is to invest in the thing that is most precious to god, people. There is no greater investment in life than the one you can make in people. So look around you. Have you ever considered yourself a mentor?
Speaker 2:Do you think you have what it takes? Well, our job on this podcast and in a book we recently released is to prove to you that you do. You can mentor. You were made for this. Check the show notes.
Speaker 2:Pick up the latest book that we just released called You Can Mentor written by Zach Garza as he shares his story of how his life was changed through mentors. Today's episode is an interview with Rob Kenny who has blown up on YouTube with his channel called dad, how do I he came out with a book this week, and I had the chance to sit down and talk with him about it and his own life experience of growing up in a hard place. We hope you enjoy today's episode. If it gives you or your organization value, please let us know by rating the podcast or sharing it with a friend. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:It's Rob Kitty.
Speaker 3:It is. What's happening?
Speaker 2:It it's the dad himself. Hey. Thank you so much for making time to be on our podcast.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Glad to be here.
Speaker 2:Well, my my understanding is that you got a book.
Speaker 3:I do have a book coming out. Yeah. Pretty crazy.
Speaker 2:So YouTube wasn't enough for you. You were just like, you know what? I I need to write a book.
Speaker 3:I might I might actually record an album too. That's that's what's next.
Speaker 2:Come on, man. I'm doing okay. You're gonna go to country, or is it gonna be folk or just go instrumental? Like, I I don't know how you sing.
Speaker 3:I can sing okay. I don't know that I could produce an album.
Speaker 2:My my boss, he his background is Church of Christ, and they don't believe in instruments. And so he he's just found every so often, we find him just harmonizing with the Lord by himself somewhere. And so just I'm all about instruments, man. So
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. I'm with you. It can cover up a voice that maybe isn't so strong.
Speaker 3:So Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, hey, I I'm my name's Steven, and I I'm excited to hear more about your book and interview you about your work. I'm an aspiring YouTube YouTuber. I have one subscriber currently. So You're on
Speaker 3:your way. If you get another one, you'll feel free to find a 100%.
Speaker 2:I actually my I I'm a videographer, and so you think I'd have, like, a pretty good following on YouTube. I I do have, I think, a 1,000 subscribers. But my best video that I mean, it has, like, I think, 3,000,000 views, which is how many subscribers you have. My wife shot the video. It wasn't me.
Speaker 2:And so she holds that over my head all the time that she's more successful than me, which she is. She makes more money than me. She makes children, and I I don't know what I do. So but we started this podcast to invest in mentors and mentoring leaders. We saw your work, and we're like, man, this guy I mean, you're reaching so many kids from hard places, so many people that come from a negative background experience with maybe a relational deficit.
Speaker 2:And so I'd love to just ask you why you started doing what what you're doing, and what what led you to start this YouTube channel?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, you know, it was kind of the perfect storm as far as starting the channel. It was, you know, I I ran out of excuses. It's something my daughter and I talked about a couple years ago. And we, you know, I came up with the name dad, how do I?
Speaker 3:Because I pictured one of my kids in the other room saying, dad, how do I? And, you know, so that's why yeah.
Speaker 2:And how old how old is she?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. So my daughter and son are both out of the house. And, you know, my, you know, my wife and my big goal was to raise good adults, and we've done it. And, you know, there was a little bit for both of us.
Speaker 3:We're like, okay. Well, now what? You know, I got some life to live left, you know. Because my daughter's 28, she'll be 29 this year, and my son is 25, he'll be 26.
Speaker 2:And Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And we, you know, I I didn't want him living in my basement. That was the the goal, but it's also bittersweet. You know, you you send him out, it's like, oh, but I miss you. You know?
Speaker 3:So my daughter got married and moved to Knoxville, Tennessee for a time. They they lived there for 2 years. She's back near us now, but, you you know, it's hard. It was hard to let her go, but it was what was best for them. So I encouraged both of them, you know, that newly newly married, go do it.
Speaker 3:You know, you create your own life together without interference from either of the in laws, you know, then you're you guys kind of rely on each other and it was scary. They drove they drove a U Haul across the country and towing a car and it was like this big adventure, but it's like, I hope they're gonna be okay. But but they grew up a lot, you know, doing that. And then recently, so my son I shouldn't say recently, because it's been almost 2 years now. My son had a job offer out in Virginia.
Speaker 3:And so he's out there. Again, it you know, the stuff doesn't come without tears, but it's what's best for them. Right? And so I was like, yeah, I encourage that too. I was like, you know, Kyle, I think this will be good for you.
Speaker 3:Go ahead and go ahead and do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's it sounds like you're walking through 2 very challenging seasons in that moment. You're you're trying to let go of your kids. You've invested a ton of your time, energy, heart, sweat, tears. I don't know what else.
Speaker 2:You've probably invested it. And then at the same time, you're letting go of, really what it feels like, all these skills and gifts and things that you've developed in order to do that. Yeah. And you just have to kinda like, do I just put that in the shed? It's like a a high school football player who's spent his whole life going after this thing, cultivating his gift, and then doesn't get a scholarship or doesn't get to play anymore.
Speaker 2:And he's like, what do I do with everything that I've learned and have to have to pivot and use it somewhere else? Is that fair? Those two things are kind of the tension.
Speaker 3:Well, for sure. You know, and I so, a big goal for me, you know, as a young so I came from a fractured home myself, you know, and my dad came home. You know, it was kinda building up to it. So I guess now that I look at it as an adult, I could see, you know, maybe it wasn't so unexpected, but it was unexpected for me, you know, to have him come home and say, you know, I'm done raising kids. And my mom wasn't able to take care of us.
Speaker 3:So I ended up either having to go to foster home or ended up living the choices where my dad was going to put us in foster home or he was gonna, or the older siblings had, had to take us in. And so I went to live with my 23 year old brother at the time and, and hit, and he was newly married. He got married in October, and then I moved in with them in January when I was 14. And so, yeah, both of them, I I owe a lot to him and his wife having to take on this 14 year old. And we were in a 8 by 35 trailer.
Speaker 3:You know, I've always called it a mobile home, but as I looked back and had to get my facts straight as people were asking me all these questions, like, it was it really wasn't a mobile home. It was a it was a trailer, and my brother built a shelf in the back of the trailer and put a bed on it, and that was my room.
Speaker 2:You know,
Speaker 3:it wasn't room. It was I just but I had a place to stay and had had some guidance then because, you know, we were kinda flying on our own for a little while. And my mom was, like I said, she wasn't able to take care of us. So then my dad got custody of us, but I don't think he really wanted us. So he was, he'd buy us groceries, load us up on the weekend, and then he'd be gone for a week.
Speaker 3:And so us younger siblings were just doing the best we could. You know, the the older siblings would check on us and stuff to but they had their own lives that they were trying to figure out, you know? So yeah. So and so what I all all that to say, when I was young, I was like, I'll never do that. And I'm gonna do the whatever I can within my power to make sure that I'm the best dad that I can be for for my kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So that's all that's kinda yeah. You know, I was 14. What what, you know, who knows who know what I was promising then, but that was all to the point of I made that as my my goal. And then I married married well, my wife very similar.
Speaker 3:She's one of 8 kids herself. And so we both, you know, there was important family was very important to us. And but then, you know, honestly, when we got into our fifties and our kids had moved out, it was like, okay, Now what? You know, that was my goal. My goal was this.
Speaker 2:I reached it.
Speaker 3:Now what? Because I'm I'm fairly young. I like I like to think I am. I'm I'm encroaching on 60. You know, I'll be 57 in May.
Speaker 3:So yeah. I mean, I got a lot of life to live.
Speaker 2:And it's not like you didn't, like, set the goal high. I mean, you know, just breaking off generational curses, like, what whatever. Like, your high was your your goal was huge. And yet once you reached it, okay, what what is what's next for me? How do I reinvest all the things that I've learned in others?
Speaker 2:Now you said that you had older siblings, so they were already kind of separated from the family when you guys went through all that change. And then you're you're, like, the oldest sibling that that was kind of I I I imagine feeling a little more responsibility having to grow up a lot quicker than you imagined.
Speaker 3:I'm number 7. Yeah. I'm number 7 out of 8. And so I got 2 brothers, and then I yeah. I have a younger sibling who, yeah, that sibling wants to kind of not be mentioned.
Speaker 3:And so I have to honor her honor her wishes. But anyway, so I yeah. So I was the 2nd youngest. And, yeah, I'm very grateful for my brother, Rick, because he, you know, I felt like I won the lotto when he when he took me in because it was like, man, I, because we always looked up to Rick. Rick was always, you know, honorable, always tried to do the right thing, kind of look out for us.
Speaker 3:And then when I was I found out I got to go live with him, I was like, oh, man, this is great. And so but, you know, still some tough things. I was 14 and he's my brother. And so when you're 14 going through puberty, thinking that, oh, man. What?
Speaker 3:You know, I'm looking and seeing girls differently. And how do I share that with my brother? You know? I I don't know that anybody could necessarily share it with their dad too, but still, it was, you know, it was a tough time because of of the timing of it all as far as where where I was at mentally.
Speaker 2:Yeah. What what's your take on, like, how he was processing that? How did he emotionally deal with taking his brother in? Did did he kinda come into a fatherly kind of, I don't know, feel, or did he just kinda always see you as a brother as well?
Speaker 3:You know, Rick, I have to say I have to give him, you know, all the credit in the world because I think he did a great job of allowing, you know didn't try to pretend to be my dad, but also gave me some guidance. And then also as I grew up and I've tried to do the same thing with my own kids, whereas they as they mature, you start you have to change a relationship. I can't teach my or talk to my 28 year old daughter the same way I did when she was 5. Right? You we're friends now.
Speaker 3:You know, we're peers. I'll give you guidance if you want it, but, you know, it's your life. You can go do what you wanna do with it. And same with my son. And my son my my brother did that very well.
Speaker 3:So we're best friends. I don't, you know, I don't ever feel like he's, I give him respect, of course, because he's my older brother, but he never overlords it over me. Yeah. He's he's a good guy.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. I love that. Could you, I don't I don't know if I mean, growing up in this trailer, which you specifies doesn't move. Not a mobile home trailer. Everything I've seen from your YouTube channel, there there's a lot of manly, like, skills and tasks.
Speaker 2:Were you learning things like that when you were 14, 15, 16? Did did all of this stuff come later?
Speaker 3:Yeah. A lot of it came later. My brother is very handy. So he he's a union cabinet maker. And so he's a journeyman cabinet maker is what I should say.
Speaker 3:So he's very qualified, and he helped me build
Speaker 2:lots of What's a journeyman cabinet? Is that like their legendary?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, it's like you you have to go to school and you have to get all these different things you have to pass to get to this part where and then, you know, when you're in the union, you get paid a certain scale based on your level of understanding. So he could pretty much tackle any he can build a kitchen, you know, he can do anything basically with wood that you would need him to do. Yeah. So I learned a lot from him.
Speaker 3:He and then, you know, when I actually shared in my book the story of, you know, him him and I, we built a little addition onto the back of the trailer. And so you would actually you know, again, it's a trailer. So their room wasn't much either. You, you know, you you've come in the front and there's the tiny little kitchen, then you walk down the hallway and then that's their bedroom, their bed, you know, and then you walk to the back and that's my bedroom. And then there was a door at the back and off that door, we built an addition.
Speaker 3:And so I learned some handy stuff just through that process, learned how to, you know, kinda frame a small building and then how to put up sheet rock and how to run the electricity and just kinda what that looked like. But, you know, a lot of the stuff I learned was just being a dad, and I share that in my book too as far as, you know, we needed to build a fence. Because we moved and our old house had a fence and our we had a dog that she loved to escape and she would mock you too. You know, I'm I'm still vivid to this day where she'd get out and it's like, you don't wanna be with us? What is the deal?
Speaker 3:And she took me, like, 2 miles away from our house. And every time I get closer, she'd take off again. And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna just when I get my hands on you, you know. So it was pretty tough. But anyway, so then we moved our new house.
Speaker 3:I ended up building a had had to build a fence and I'd never done never done before. So and and a big thing too, you know, I always wanted to include my kids in the projects that I took on so that they would have the skills. You know, it didn't matter if my daughter or my son, because I get people on my channel saying, well, that's a that's a woman's job. Or, you know? Wait.
Speaker 3:You need why would you limit yourself? You know? You should should try to learn how to do everything, because what if your mom's not around? Or or even changing a tire. People made comments like, oh, you know, I'll just rely on, my husband for that or my boyfriend or whatever.
Speaker 3:What what your boyfriend's not around and you're stranded and you're waiting for triple a to come or whatever or you don't you're waiting for, you know, at least, you know, hopefully, you know, like, an empower people to understand that, you you know, you should be able to learn as much as possibly can. Don't limit yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I my mentee, he's a senior in high school. And we were looking at my truck. I I had recently gave it away. It was a 97 Chevy, and the battery connections were just horrible.
Speaker 2:And we we were looking at it, and we saw all this corrosion. And I was like, I think we need to clean this. He was like, we can't do that. Like and I was like, yes. We can.
Speaker 2:We can clean that. And he was like, no. You gotta take that somewhere. And I was like, dude, we're not gonna blow up. Like, all we gotta do is just take this thing off, and we removed the the wire.
Speaker 2:And I clipped the the copper wires that were corroded, and then we finagled we had to figure out a way to put it the connector back on. Got it on, turned the truck on, and his eyes just, like, lit up. Like, he was like, we did it. Like, we didn't we didn't need somebody else. Like and, honestly, the whole time, I'd never done that before.
Speaker 2:I was just like, surely surely it'll work. Like, I mean, and so I got I got really lucky, but I think I think a lot of that is you learn as you go. And I I love that invitation kind of what you said is, like, being a dad isn't just knowing everything, but it's being willing to learn everything and inviting your your sons, your daughters, or your mentee in. So I love that, man.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well and part of it too is, you know, stuff takes longer. I could just do it myself, you know, but it's like, okay. You know, Kyle, I want you to screw up this board onto the you know, we we or, you know, k. And have him run I just got pictures of him with our big drill, and he's putting screws into the, you know, the planks that we're putting up for the fence.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I just think that's important to help them understand. And then it's you know, when you're done, I share that in the book too. When you're done and it's done, it's like, that's pretty cool. We built that.
Speaker 3:You know, that's there. And my fence is still standing to this day. I still live we still live in the same house, and, you know, that's 20 years ago.
Speaker 2:Man. Well, I'm I imagine apprenticing under a journeyman cabinetmaker extraordinaire. Him watching you work with tools is probably, like, the most nerve wrecking feeling. And I'm I'm sure it's the same with anyone that's worked with me. Like, I I feel like anytime I work with wood, it's just I think there's a reason Jesus was a carpenter because the devil is in carpentry.
Speaker 2:It's like the biggest temptation for me to take on a project where I have to work with wood. So I don't I don't know if there's, like, a bane of your existence that you you avoid any project because you just you just hate it. Is there something that you just hate?
Speaker 3:You know, I I think a big part of it is having the right tools and having the right facility. You know, if you have a shop and you have a table saw and a chop saw and, you know, a radial arm saw and all the things you need in a planer to get the wood where you need, you know, that makes all the difference if you have all that. And then, like, doing stuff, you know, more involved stuff on a car. If you have a shop and you have a lift that lifts it up above you, so you're, you know, I I hate working on cars as far as because I don't have a place for it, you know. I don't have and I don't have the right tools, necessarily.
Speaker 3:I have some tools so I can get, you know, get myself by. And that's you know, I think there's a place to have a mechanic, you know. You want a good mechanic, you want a good electrician, you want a good plumber. I'm not here to replace them. And I've always shared that, you know.
Speaker 2:That's really good.
Speaker 3:I don't wanna make you overconfident that you can rewire your house, you know. Because I'd have to have people make that comment, that dad, show us up. And they're like, you know what? You shouldn't do this.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't do it?
Speaker 3:And I and I do on my channel. I try to talk to, you know, everybody like they're my own kids. And this is the advice I give to my own kids, and this is what I'm giving to you. So I would never recommend my kids rewire their house or or run the plumbing, you know, unless they're they decided they were gonna be a plumber, and that was something, you know, they went to school for. I did you know, I I did redid my bathroom, and I didn't do the electrical or the or the plumbing.
Speaker 3:I you know, I I did the tile and I did everything else, but I didn't do you know, I don't need leaks in my walls, and then that's gonna come back to me later. You know? I'd rather pay somebody to to do it right. And the mechanic is the same way. You know?
Speaker 3:If you get a good mechanic, they on the on the harder stuff, you know, you can I can show you how to look under the hood and what to look for and that sort of thing to just be smart, but you start getting into the more difficult things that makes sense to have a professional?
Speaker 2:Well, and I I think even in mentor relationships, which our our whole deal is equipping mentors to meet relational needs, be a connector, maybe teach things that that no one else in in their network is able to give to them. And that that's not necessarily just changing a tire or plumbing. It's like, how do you manage time? How how do you should I invest in GameStop? I'm I'm I'm joking.
Speaker 2:That's not one of them. But but I I do think it's interesting what you're talking about is that the hope is that you would have the environment and the tools and be set up for success in doing some project. And I I think a lot of the times, we are limited in our resources just as people trying to fix things. But then even so, when you talk about kids from hard places who maybe have economic disadvantages, environmental disadvantages, how do you how do you address the limitations that someone's someone's facing and answer the question, dad, how do I despite fill in the blank? Because I I think that is a lot of people's situations, that they feel incapacitated because of their environment, not just because of their knowledge or or or talent to do something.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I would just say, yeah, if you're gonna take on a bigger job, it's kinda what I was referring to. I think a lot of the smaller jobs that I do don't require a whole lot of investment in some of the basic tools. And I I do try to talk about some of the basic tools that will you'll be happy to have them, you know, to have them have them around because then you can kinda fix things. And, you know, it's one thing if, you know, if you're just kinda getting started and you need to borrow, maybe you could borrow it from somebody, you know, like a drill.
Speaker 3:You know, drills have come down since the cordless drills have come down in price, so you can get one usually on Black Friday for a $100. Realize a $100 is a little tough little steep for some people. You could get by without one. I'm just saying if you're a homeowner and you've already invested in a home, you know, you'd be surprised how many times you can use that drill. It's amazing how much time it'll save you too, over time.
Speaker 3:And if if you invest in a good one, you can get one cheaper. My experience, again, this is stuff I would relay to my own kids. You kinda experience, again, this is stuff I would relay to my own kids. You kinda get what you pay for. If you
Speaker 2:get something too cheap, those
Speaker 3:batteries don't last. And I've learned the hard way, you know, I've gotten cheap grills. And then the the cost is in the battery. You go to buy an a spare battery for those things, they're the same price as the drill, you know. It's true.
Speaker 3:And if they don't last, then, you know, you're you're replacing it every year. So you may as well just step up a little bit, stretch yourself, and buy, you know, something good that'll last. That's the main one that probably costs more, but, like, a channel locks is nice to have around, you know, a good tape measure, or, you know, some even a cheap tiny level is good for hanging pictures and stuff. So, yeah, there's a there's a few basics I think it would be smart to invest in. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Especially at home.
Speaker 2:How old were your kids when you you started really pursuing yeah. Just teaching them these these kind of skills. Because I imagine I have a 1 year old at home. I don't know what I'm supposed to be teaching my son. I think I'm just supposed to be teaching him, like, to smile and to be happy and, like, calm him down, soothe him, help him with his emotions, and and just be present.
Speaker 2:When when I don't know if if you could share some stories from when your children were younger because yeah. It could be beneficial.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I, you know, I enjoy my kids. So, you know, it's still to this day. I you know, we're friends, and they got great sense of humor and, you know, I I I love having them around. And I even from the get go, I loved having them around.
Speaker 3:And so I, you know, I got pictures of my son, with his fake lawnmower out there next to me with my big lawnmower, and he's pushing his lawnmower right alongside me, and he's probably too. You know? Yeah. You know? I I and I think you reap what you sow if you help them, you know, if if you include them and you can make my I think my brother did a pretty good job of this when I lived with him of having simple pleasures, you know, making fun stuff out of something that doesn't cost you anything.
Speaker 3:You know, you're just being together and kinda, you know, and I shared in my book about us watching the muppet show, you know, and my brother kinda hyped that up so that we would, you know, on Thursday nights, we'd gather in that addition that we built and we'd all laugh at the simple humor of the Muppets, you know, and I also share I have a video, on making biscuits and I that was something I made a big deal out of for my kids. Dad's making biscuits tomorrow, you know, Didn't cost any didn't cost much, you know, but it was something that and then I got a picture of my daughter helping me make a biscuits when she's probably 3. And we're just making biscuits together, enjoying time together. And yeah. And and I I that's a big thing I'd encourage to do is try to think of simple pleasures that you can do that don't don't cost a whole lot, and then also keep that relationship tight, you know, so when they're when you're going through the tougher years, they remember that you were you were there and you're, you know, you're a mentor.
Speaker 3:You're, you're somebody that's kinda trying to guide them through this stuff. And then I think being real and asking for forgiveness, I think is a big thing. You know? I'm a I'm a Christian. And so at night, we would pray, and then I would, you know, pour my heart out to my heavenly father, and they'd get to see that because I'm like, you know what?
Speaker 3:I messed up today. You know, I didn't handle that correctly. Maybe I snapped at them or I did something. You know, it's it's it was a pretty easy way to communicate that my heart to them and being real too.
Speaker 2:I mean,
Speaker 3:I mean, I am confessing to my father. Hey. Help me here. You know? I'm doing the best that I can.
Speaker 3:But, yeah, I think it's important to ask for forgiveness, and especially when you get when they when your kids start getting to a certain age, they and if you've pretended you've got it all together Yeah. They're gonna find out. You know? And I shared that in some videos and other interviews, but it is true. You know, you're only kidding yourself if you think that, man, I can you know?
Speaker 3:Because you can tell your kids what to do when they're little, and they obey. That that's just I would just this is, this is good, man. They just do whatever I tell them.
Speaker 2:Them. And No. Not not my 1 year old. He No. He just he won't listen to me.
Speaker 2:He sees fire. He's just running after it. He sees a van. He starts eating rocks and gravel, and I'm like, hey, man. You're not even you're not even listening to me.
Speaker 3:That's fair. Yeah. That's yeah. As they get a little bit older, let's say 5, you know, they they kind of obey and do what you what you tell them to do. And then, yeah, pretty soon they start having their own mind, which is good.
Speaker 3:You know? And I share that in my book. I I think it's important to have your own it's your life, ultimately. It's their life. Right?
Speaker 3:You know? For a time, you get to mentor them and you get to guide them and and all that, but there comes a time where they have to live their own life. And that's what I used to say to them when they went off to college. It's like, you know what? I I'm not gonna be around to watch everything you do.
Speaker 3:I'm just trusting that you're gonna make wise choices and, you know, you're the one that has to live with the consequences now. You know, I can't I'm not I'm not responsible for for the choices that you make now. You are. And it's your life.
Speaker 2:Something that's in the back of my head is this so for a child moving through years of infancy, elementary, all all the way through till they're out of the house, it it probably starts with, hey. Don't do that. And and that's that's not like being mean. It's just like, hey. I don't want you to die.
Speaker 2:And then it moves to may maybe questions of, like, asking them, hey. Should you be doing that right now? And then them kind of acknowledging, yeah, I probably shouldn't be doing this. And then next moves to them probably asking you, hey, dad. Should I do blank?
Speaker 2:Should I do this? Should I do that? And presenting options. And then your book is, dad, how do I and and so it's like there's a level of personal responsibility that begins to become ingrained as they develop. Would you say that that that's probably what I should expect with Ben, my 1 year old?
Speaker 3:Yeah. No. That's interesting. Boy, you put that so, concise and eloquent. Nice job.
Speaker 2:Well, I am I am a host of a podcast. So but yeah. Thank you. You heard it here first. Rob Kinney thinks I'm smart.
Speaker 2:But I I do think that that that's cool that your book creates responsibility in in saying that someone wants to learn something, and they're not asking you to pick between two decisions. They're not saying, dad, how should I do this or whatever? My dad always used to tell me, figure it out. But but I think maybe my questions, if I was a little more clear, like, dad, how do I how do I do this? That that that's something that you're like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:I would love to show you. And, yeah, it's just it's a great question.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I my big thing is I wanna set people up for success the best I can, you know. And I've shared before, you know, I want people to be able to stand on my shoulders or somebody else's shoulders. Then not to be me, but use somebody else's, you know, as a springboard to help get get you where you wanna be.
Speaker 3:I've shared this before too, you know, because we didn't my wife and I, we didn't have a whole lot of money, you know. When we were first married, we went to the justice of the peace and that's we didn't have a big wedding ceremony because we didn't wanna live together with before we were married and we didn't have a whole lot of money. So that's what we did, you know. And And I I've met people over the years. You see all kinds, you know.
Speaker 3:You see people that whole saying about people are born on 3rd base and they think they've had a triple, you know. We we we had to struggle and fight to get to the point where we're at now, you know. And we didn't have that safety net underneath us. And, you know, I guess we kinda did. We we would be we'd be imposing on brothers and sisters.
Speaker 3:We wouldn't we didn't have the the parental umbrella underneath us, you know, and so we were always really cautious with our decisions and pretty conservative because I didn't feel like we could take the risks. You know, I had a family to think of. And so I I always tried to think of them first, you know, a family and a wife. And my wife stayed home for a number of years when our kids were little because we and we made the sacrifice. It wasn't like, you know, we had the nicest cars, but we felt like that was important.
Speaker 3:So so we did that. But, anyway, I it's just interesting because as you, you know, you march through life, and I remember this even from high school. I remember some kid saying something about me and it was like, you know, you don't know how good you have it. You know, I'm doing the best I can. I was on the football team and I can't remember what he said.
Speaker 3:He just said some stupid comment. I was like, man, you gotta, you gotta home to go town living with my brother. You know, I'm just doing the best that I can trying to, I, I, I really can't remember what it was, but it still sticks to me. That sticks with me to this day that I was like, boy, it's so easy for you in your comfortable home. And you've got great parents and you've got all this together to judge me and I'm just doing the best that I can.
Speaker 3:So it's interesting because I think as as an adult, and I I shared this in the book too of my daughter going to school, and there was somebody bullying her. And I tried to help I always try to help my kids think, okay. You know, there's probably more to it. He's probably got something going on at home. He's getting bullied at home or he's got something else, you know.
Speaker 3:And so I tried to tried to help her with that, but then, you know, we kinda all just determined he he's kind of a bully. You know? It was tough to but I I think it is still important to this day to, you know, maybe maybe you don't know as much as you think you know, because people, you know, everybody's going through something, you know, and so try to have compassion on people and not be so quick. It's easier. It's easy to say that it's hard.
Speaker 3:It's even hard for me to do that. I'm like, oh, you know? Oh, oh, yeah. Why did you say that? You know, I wanna fight back too.
Speaker 3:But if we can stop and and allow ourselves to maybe give that person a little bit of a break and ask them, hey. What's going on? Are you alright? You know?
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I'm a 100% with you. I think there's there's always a reason why. Even even for the kids who have everything going for them, and then not understanding the kid next to them may have a completely different experience, have no home life to go home to, not even it's kinda like the the latchkey kid, like, situation where you just have no idea what people are going through. And I I wonder, because because I think some sometimes that can become your identity that it's like a scarcity mentality where where you just identify as, like, man, I I don't have any support.
Speaker 2:I don't have anyone that cares for me. I don't I don't have value. I don't I mean, it leads to depression. And when you think about your situation for too long and you ingrain yourself in this deficit mentality rather than focusing on what you do have, what what assets do I have in front of me, what knowledge, like, is available to me, who who do I know, all all of those things. I'm I imagine you probably went through that process of moving from looking at your life based off of all of your all of the things that don't make sense and aren't right to recognizing the blessings in your life and your gratefulness for what you did have.
Speaker 2:What did that transition look like for you? Was there a transition, or were you just a super happy kid? No.
Speaker 3:There was definitely a transition. And, yeah, I keep referring to my book, but the reality and it's funny because I, you know, I even talked to family members and they'll ask me how things are going because obviously my life has changed and I'm trying to navigate it and stuff, but they'll ask me questions. I'm like, well, in my book, But the reality is my book and it's not
Speaker 2:You make your family members read your book. You're like, hey. Just just look at page 12. That's that one's about you, Mike.
Speaker 3:That answer yeah. But it is pretty personal. You know, my my book is pretty personal, so I I kinda always refer to do a lot of things and I, you know, I think my faith is huge. You know, I know it is because I have an eternal perspective on my life. And so I I understand that this, you know, this life is temporary.
Speaker 3:I'm here for a short time, and I think I think we can it's easy to lose sight of that where you're, you know then you see people getting, you know, work done when they're 80 to try to, you know, fix body up. And, you know, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm going, man, I'm getting old. You know, I used to be a pretty decent looking guy when I was younger, and it's like, man, got no hair, you know, everything. I got hair growing where I don't want it to grow. And, yeah, it's just it's weird.
Speaker 3:It's pretty strange, and it happens so fast. You know? And I I I tried to share that on one of my videos about, you know, thinking long term because, boy, you know, I and I shared that, you know, I was 14 for a time. And if you're in that predicament and you are 14, it could seem like, you know, what what is what's happened? But then I was 18, and then I was 25, and then I was 35, you know, and then I'm in the mid fifties.
Speaker 3:It it happened so quick. Yeah. Because I I think there's times where we can get in our heads and just think this is forever. I can't get out of this. And as I've navigated life up to this point, I've, you know, and I've been in sales too.
Speaker 3:So there's months where it's amazing and there's months where it's, oh, what are we gonna do, honey? And so navigating that too has been, you know but over time, the Lord's been faithful, and we come out the other side. And, okay, now, you know, then you're on to the next problem. But it is interesting to to grow old and kinda, and then you you can look in the rear view mirror and refer to times where, man, you thought that everything was coming in on you, and then look what came out of that. It was an amazing thing that that sprouted from it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I think that it it's it's interesting to see the the go between of our experience. So your your experience obviously clarifies a desire to be there for your children to leave a legacy. But then also, I think leave leaving a legacy, but then also recognizing that oh, gosh. What was I gonna say?
Speaker 2:It's like you're the unpredictability of life is teaching you to be a learner. And so even despite, like, having that experience, those challenges, life in itself is this unpredictable maze that we're all walking through. We're making plans, and we have ideas of where this thing's headed. But, really, none of us none of us know what's gonna happen. Like, I think plans are really just guesses, but we're saying their plans because it makes us feel, like, better about it.
Speaker 2:And Yeah. And, like, you I mean, I'm not saying anything about your hair, but just that, like, you being in your fifties, you've walked through many seasons of unpredictable challenges and trials. And that that creates in you the patience and the willingness to to help others through through their unpredictable life challenges and circumstances that maybe just knowing one skill could break the mold and break you out of this cycle of feeling like you're not enough or you don't have what it takes or you could never do that. And, clearly, we're living in a world where we're asking other people to do everything for us. Like, okay.
Speaker 2:Can you drive my food over here? Can you make my food? And then, like, all of that stuff, it's like we're we're outsourcing our entire unpredictable life to other people to deal with. And I I just think that it's it's really cool to to recognize that just looking at your own life. I don't know what my question is, but that that's just in my head.
Speaker 3:I'll make a comment on that then. I, you know, I share in the book too about, you know, my wife and I went to Rome in 2019. And, again, it kinda solidified even more so. You know, Rome was an amazing place that went it's still amazing, you know, if you happen to have the opportunity to go there. You know, it was amazing to go there, but, you you know, you see the Colosseum and you see all these different ruins that are left over, and this place was, you know, ruled the ancient world.
Speaker 3:And now all that's left is statues of these rulers that were pretty ruthless at different times. And and so that was a period of time where under Nero, you know, things were horrible for Christians and but it was a temporary time. Then Nero's gone, and all that's left is a statue that's crumbling. You know? So it really sparked in me again even more so that, you know, what what is my legacy gonna be?
Speaker 3:What do I you know, now that my our kids I gotta always bring my wife into this. Now that our kids are grown, what what does my life look like? Do am I just gonna travel around and then I'm gonna die? You know, is that not to be, you know, morbid, but that is kind of the reality. You know, you we all yearn to retire, you know, get oh, let's get to retirement, then I'm gonna do all this stuff.
Speaker 3:And our big goal was the reason we went to Italy already. It's because we didn't wanna wait till we retire. We wanted to okay. Our kids are through college without debt. Let's start traveling now, and so we don't wait until what something that might not even happen.
Speaker 3:You're not guaranteed tomorrow, you know? So let's start knocking out some of these trips. But, yeah, honestly, I was thinking, okay. Well, you know, I I'm I'm happy with, you know, and grandkids maybe someday might happen, you know, if that happens, then that that's something I could pour into. But I honestly was a little lost, wondering, you know, what, Lord, what would you have me to do with the rest of my life?
Speaker 3:And so I I feel so humbled and honored and blessed, all of the above, that I'm getting this platform and getting this opportunity to pass along something that might help somebody. You know, I I've shared this on many interviews. I honestly thought I'd maybe help 30 or 40 people. I had no idea it would resonate like it has, and so I'm just trying to be faithful to that to the platform I've been given and, you know, we wanna help anybody and everybody that needs help. And then also try to encourage dads to hang in there because, you know, if if things are tough, you know, you know, men are visually stimulated or or what have you, and we run after shiny things, you know, and then I shared that, you know, to for lack of you can use your imagination what those shiny things are.
Speaker 3:But Oh,
Speaker 2:I know what they are.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, I mean, I had somebody make a comment, dad, just come out and say it. And I was like, well, you know, I have young kids watching, and so I don't need you know, you you can fill in the blank. You're smart enough to figure out what I'm talking about. And it also can apply to other things too, you know, besides yeah.
Speaker 3:Anyway, so yeah. So if I can encourage dads to hang in there too and understand, and if that even if I help 1
Speaker 2:to Yeah.
Speaker 3:Think think a little longer about that decision that you're you know, I've had it. I'm out of here. And if you leave, there's ripple effects. Somebody's picking up your garbage, you know, behind you. So please, you know, slow it down and and think long and hard and think long term because, again, it's temporary.
Speaker 3:You might be in a situation where it's like, oh, this seems so hard and easy way for me to just get my car and drive and don't come back. No one can get the milk. You know, people comment on my channel. Oh, my dad went and got the milk and never came back. But the sad thing is, you know, it's true.
Speaker 3:In some cases where guys just went out to get a smoke you know, get a pack of smokes and never came back. Well, that it isn't that easy because when you do that, there's somebody left in the wake that's having to having to figure it out. And so the best I think the best I can do is try to, you know, encourage those people, also try to empower anybody and everybody to, you know, maybe break it down. I've shared this recently too. You know, we all know the people that, you know, can I get some help?
Speaker 3:Yeah. They come over. Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's how you do it. Well, I, you know, I didn't learn anything. You just kinda did it. So I try to break my stuff down in bite sized chunks to where it's like, okay. You know, it kinda moves slowly through it so that you can I want you to learn?
Speaker 3:You know, I don't I don't wanna show off my skills because they're lacking anyway. But I I want you to, you know, I want you to to be empowered to take this information and maybe you learn how to do that, and then maybe you end up becoming a plumber. So it's like, oh, okay. It wasn't as difficult as I thought. You know?
Speaker 3:Let's just start by removing the back of the, you know, of the toilet. You know? The lid on the back of the toilet. Just see what's in there. You know?
Speaker 3:I think people are a lot of people are so intimidated, like the story you were sharing about the cleaning the corrosion. It's kinda true. They just like, oh, I I couldn't never do that well. Why can't you? You can at least look at it.
Speaker 3:You know? That's not you're not gonna hurt anything. Right? And then if you're cleaning it, well, that certainly, that can't damage it, can it? So, yeah, anything I can do to to encourage people, because I think then out of that, we'll grow the confidence to try other things.
Speaker 3:So I know it did it worked for me. You know? Yeah. Then we did did tiling, did roofing, did know, done all kinds of stuff around the house that I never saw myself doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The rip the ripple effect isn't just I learned a skill, and now I wanna learn another. It's I learned a skill, and I gave it away to somebody else. And now they're learning something new, and they have ripple effects. And that's huge.
Speaker 2:I I love the principle you just shared of the speed at which you are telling someone how to do something matters, that it's not just we make it as streamlined or efficient. It's like I I heard a a minister tell me once, he said that in his work, he works in in Iraq, and he helps people who are rebuilding from, I mean, the Syrian refugee crisis, ISIS taking taking families, buildings, whole cities out. And he's saying that he says, like, there's an inverse correlation between effectiveness and efficiency, and that really taking their time to get to know people, get to know their story, and help them rebuild isn't just showing up with cement trucks and building a new house and just throwing things up and doing everything for people, but actually teaching them, showing them, and loving them. Like so talk more about that speed. Like, how did you learn what speed to go at?
Speaker 2:Do you just recognize, like, oh, they're not picking up what I'm telling them right now?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I honestly, you know, I I've raised so I I I gotta be careful acting like I'm more qualified than I am. I've I've raised 2 kids. So that's that's that's my that's my education, you know, and and you kinda learn that, okay, he didn't pick that up. I gotta have to break it down even further.
Speaker 3:And the nice thing about a video is you can replay it. Right? Okay. I didn't quite catch what he said. I can replay it.
Speaker 3:But I do try to make it as, you know, break it down to where you feel like you can do it. And baby steps are always have always been a huge thing. I share that in my book about I remember when I played football and we were supposed to have to run 3 miles, you know? I'm like, oh, man. I I'm not a runner, you know?
Speaker 3:I after I run just because I have to, you know, if you're gonna play sports, you have to run, but I've never been somebody
Speaker 2:I'm
Speaker 3:gonna go for a run, you know? That's never excited And so I broke it down, though, okay, I'm gonna go run one lap today. And then tomorrow, I'm gonna run another lap. And then pretty soon, I was able to run 3 miles because I broke it down into baby steps. And I think that's important also, you know, when you're working on something, don't bite off more than you can chew, you know.
Speaker 3:Just do this little bit, and then to this point, can I put it back together still? I'm at this point, you know, and I can still put it back together. Okay. Maybe I can go a little bit deeper. So you just got you don't wanna get yourself in over your head, because we all hear stories about that, you know, where people getting themselves over their over their head.
Speaker 3:And then now what? Okay. Now I'm gonna call a plumber to fit put
Speaker 2:everything back together. You know? Dude, you're resurfacing a a time me and my mentee, his name is Zamari, we at my church, there was this old lady whose husband had had a stroke. And she I mean, we went and met with her, comforted her. But, honestly, the main thing in her head, which is hilarious, she was like, who's gonna build my shed now?
Speaker 2:Like and, obviously, I think part of that was just her disassociating from the the trauma of the moment. But I was like, I'll I'll help with that. Like, I was trying to alleviate this pain that she had. So me and Zamari went over to her house maybe 3 months later. And the the husband, he was recovering well, and he's doing well to this day, which is awesome.
Speaker 2:Praise god. But me and Zamari, like, are looking at this shed that she wants us to build, which is really a rebuild. It's not just from scratch. It's like this thing is just destroyed, like worms and, I don't know, termites and all that stuff. And so we, like, start knocking out walls, knocking out 2 by fours and all this stuff.
Speaker 2:And we start recognizing, woah. This the roof is, like, tilting. And we're, like, I think we removed way too much from this thing. Like, it's about to fall. So Samari is, like, holding on to one side of it, and he's like, oh, like, put that board back.
Speaker 2:Like, we're, like, trying to put boards back on. And I was like, we just almost completely destroyed this lady's shed, and we're trying to alleviate stress and probably created more for it. So that's a story of biting off more than you could chew. But me and Samari look back at that failure all the time. And we're like, remember that one time?
Speaker 2:We tried to help that old lady, and we totally screwed it. Like, those failures are kind of fun too. Like, that you grow closer together. I don't I don't know if you have any fail stories where you were trying to teach someone how to do something or be kind, and you just totally bit off more than you could chew. So
Speaker 3:No. I've done it perfect every time. Yeah. No. I can't think of anything in particular, but I was sharing this with my daughter, you know.
Speaker 3:I well, I mean, I know one thing as far as a business venture. My wife and I, we're looking at different ways and there was an opportunity to do a vending machine business on the side. And
Speaker 2:Typical. Like, that was a
Speaker 3:it was a lot more work than we had anticipated, and it turned into this thing. But I'll tell you what, by doing that, it's like, okay. Now we at least know how to run a business, let's do something else. And we've gotten into screen printing, so, you know, we screen printing. I have a screen printer in my garage, and so that's kind of a side hustle that we have that's brought us some extra income too.
Speaker 3:But I think, again, it's one of those things where, you know, if you just sit there and, you know, analysis paralysis, if you just sit there and think, oh, someday, you know, oh, I'll I'll do that someday. And I actually share that in my book. I I have a chapter on, yeah, jumping in the pool. I won't tell the whole story, but my brother yeah. One of my brothers didn't hesitate to jump in, and we were me and my other brother were kinda hesitant.
Speaker 3:And it's the point of, hey, you know, sometimes you gotta throw caution to the wind a little bit and actually do it, you know. Otherwise, you're gonna regret it later. Oh, I wish I would've done that. Well, and then also kinda weigh in what's the worst that could happen if I did this, you know. Again, if you we had to be a little more cautious because we didn't have a net underneath us.
Speaker 3:And so we tried to, you know, be do calculated risks where you you know, you don't wanna just go, oh, I'll just quit my job because I always wanted to be a painter. Well, do you know how to paint? You know, I mean, so I think you just gotta be be smart about, what you do, but you also gotta when the time is right, jump. You know, go ahead and jump in and Yeah. Play hide, see what happens, you know.
Speaker 2:Come on. Well, I I clearly am excited about your book and getting to hear all these stories. I have 22 guys, like, 2 dads, 2 mentors that are in my head right now. And I I'd love for you to give them a reason to read your book. The first the first guy maybe is a guy who's raised kids, who he's an empty nester, and he is feeling that that urge to have purpose in giving away everything he's learned.
Speaker 2:And then the second the second dad mentor is the guy who thinks he doesn't know how to give something. He's the guy asking the question, dad, how do I he's the guy on your YouTube channel that's saying, teach me how to do this so I could give it away. He wants to teach someone, but he hasn't even been taught himself. Why should those 2 guys pick up your book?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I think the the first one would hopefully you know, the the person that was in this situation that I was in, hopefully, would encourage them to understand that, you know, to look for ways that you can, yeah, you can be a mentor to somebody, give it away, you know, what what are you gonna do with it? You know, otherwise you're gonna die with that. I'd rather pour into people because people last, you know, they're they're they're gonna and that's gonna have ripple effects. I've shared this on one of my one of my live videos.
Speaker 3:I I I'm looking forward to 10 years down the road going, because you you know, through a video screen, I shared some something that, you know, sparked something in somebody that make them feel like they could do it. And here I am today. I'm a doctor or something. Something. And I'm really looking forward to to hearing them those stories because, you know, I I really think it can have ripple effects.
Speaker 3:And I think so again, as if you're in a similar situation where I am, you you kids are raised and you, you know, just look for opportunities to, you know, I I I brought up the American Pickers in my book, you know, because there's people in that, that show. I love that show. But in that show, you see people that are 95 that are hanging on to that motorcycle that they're gonna restore and they can't let it go. It's like, really, you know, you're, you're probably not gonna be here much longer. You're probably never gonna get to it.
Speaker 3:So kind of the same thing. What can you pour into? And, and the people, people are the people that are what you can pour into, and that could be your legacy rather than fixing up that motorcycle, you know, that you'll be so proud of that. Maybe you never get around to, and you can start today. You know, it's pretty easy to, to start today.
Speaker 3:And then, yeah. So for the second one, second person, I would say, you know, just encourage you that, you know, you're, you're smarter than you probably think. You probably have more abilities than you think, and just, yeah, give give things a try. And again, be smart, you know, take calculated risks so that you're nodding over your head. But start doing small things, and then, you know, you'll be able to figure it out and try to find somebody peep that isn't I've found people that are good at things and are successful will be happy to talk to you about it, you know, if you just ask them.
Speaker 3:If you and, like, my old boss, he's since retired, but he loved loves real estate. And that man would sit down and talk real estate with me for 2 hours if I wanted to. He would. He he and he's a wealth of information. So, you know, I I would try to seek out people that, hey, you know, somebody's got a quality trait that you want to see in your own life.
Speaker 3:You know? Seek those people out and try to and ask them questions and get them talking and then listen. You know? Make sure to listen and be respectful, and people will talk and talk and talk if you show
Speaker 2:if you show interest and just
Speaker 3:keep your mouth shut. Take notes. You know?
Speaker 2:That is Rob Kinney. He leads the YouTube channel, dad, how do I and he also has a book. Same title. It's coming out the week this podcast is coming out. So I'm excited for people to pick that up.
Speaker 2:If you listen today, please go pick that up wherever books are sold. And, Rob, I mean, you are a long term player in all this. You talk about ripple effects and all this stuff. So way to go getting your face on a book cover, playing the long term game. You are perpetually going to be that old for the rest of your life for for the eyes of human existence.
Speaker 2:Do you ever think about, like, how ancient libraries had books in in a 1000 years from now, someone's gonna pick that up and they're gonna see your face. It's gonna be it's gonna be crazy.
Speaker 3:Well, that's good. I'm locked in where I'm not you know, I haven't got that old yet.
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 3:maybe at least I'm still halfway decent to look at, I guess. Yeah. So and as far as ordering my book, you can go, it's dad how do I official.com. If you can go there, it'll take the to the links where you can you can buy my book. I actually have some signed copies, then we're trying to promote that because it's through a local I live in this live in the Seattle area and Queen Anne books.
Speaker 3:We're trying to promote them because they've been gracious enough to to wanna run that through them. And so, anyway yeah. So a pop up will come up at data how do I official dot com.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. We'll put that in the show notes. Rob, thank you so much for your time. It's been a blast getting to learn from you. And I'm sure our mentors are gonna be blessed listening to this episode.