Living Centered Podcast

Do you define yourself by your relationships? The roles we carry as children, partners, friends, and co-workers carry significant weight in how we show up in the world, but we can overly identify with these roles at the expense of our health and wellness. 

Today, Hannah and Mickenzie are joined by Onsite Alum, Bentley Caldwell. When Bentley noticed that his past was impacting how he showed up in his most important relationships, Bentley attended Onsite's Treating Trauma Program.

Throughout this conversation, he shares his story of transformation and a powerful story of meeting his birth father and renegotiating and reclaiming his title as a son.

In this episode: 
3:05 - Who is Bentley Caldwell? 
5:59 - Why Bentley attended Onsite's Healing Trauma Program
9:45 - How Bentley's past trauma was impacting his relationships 
16:38 - The relationships formed through Onsite's Healing Trauma Program 
19:42 - Healing relational trauma through inner-child work 
25:56 - SElf-love, growth, and setting boundaries 
29:48 - Finding peace through learning to trust self 
38:07 - How Bentley reunited with his father and addressed abandonment wounds 
44:45 - Healing relationships through empathy and curiosity

Programs mentioned in this episode:
Healing Trauma Program 
Tired of dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, or isolation? Our world-renowned workshop is designed to address the disruptions that can follow trauma and provide you with the tools necessary to reset and recover. 



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Creators and Guests

Host
Hannah Warren
Creative Marketing Director at Onsite
Host
Lindsey Nobles
Vice President of Marketing at Onsite
Host
Mickenzie Vought
Editorial and Community Director at Onsite
Editor
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What is Living Centered Podcast?

So many of us go through life feeling out of touch with ourselves, others, and the world around us. We feel disconnected, overwhelmed, distracted, and uncertain of how to find the clarity, purpose, and direction we so deeply, so authentically, desire. The Living Centered Podcast in an invitation to another way of living.

Every episode, we sit down with mental health experts, artists, and friends for a practical and honest conversation about how to pursue a more centered life—rediscovering, reclaiming, and rooting in who we truly are.

Bentley Caldwell:

They sent me a birthday text, like, saying, like, hey. Happy birthday. And it dawned on me that I've been waiting 40 years to get that birthday message. I have changed the family tree.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. You know what

Bentley Caldwell:

I'm saying? Like, I have liberated the future families.

Mickenzie Vought:

Welcome to the Living Centered Podcast, a show from the humans at Onsite. If you're new to this space and just beginning this journey, we hope these episodes are an encouragement, a resource, and an introduction to a new way of being. If you're well into your journey and perhaps even made a pit stop at Onsite's Living Centered Program or one of our other experiences, we hope these episodes are a nudge back toward the depth, connection, and authenticity you found. In this series, we sat down with some of our favorite experts and emotional health sojourners to explore the relationships that make up our lives. From our friendships to our families or families of choice, to our relationship with ourselves, part practical resource and part honest storytelling that will have you silently nodding me too.

Mickenzie Vought:

This podcast was curated with you in mind. Let's dive in.

Hannah Warren:

Hey, friends. We are back with another amazing episode all about relationships. And this week, we are honored to be joined by an amazing Onsite alum named Bentley. I loved this conversation with Bentley. I felt like I could've kept talking to him for hours.

Mickenzie Vought:

Agreed. It was so fantastic, and I loved how vulnerable Bentley was. And just the way he drew me in through his storytelling, I wanted, I was just sat on the edge of my seat. So without giving too much away, this is a really powerful story of what happens when you choose to do your own work, and dig into your identity of who you are outside of your relationships outside of a romantic relationship, outside of a work relationship, and really reconcile with your past, reconcile with the identity you've been carrying, and then lean into the unknown. And as you'll hear, Bentley leaned into the unknown in terms of relationships, and reconciled the title of son in a way that I think is so beautiful and, honestly, so brave and courageous.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Well, we really explored, romantic partnerships, work relationships, family dynamics, all of that. What really this episode came back to was Bentley's relationship with self and really how doing his own work with his own relationship with self really healed and transformed his relationships with others. So it was something that I know I took a lot away from and I'm excited to implement my own life, and I know it will encourage you wherever you're at.

Mickenzie Vought:

Meet our new friend, Bentley.

Mickenzie Vought:

Before we jump into this conversation, I would love to just, kind of, hearken back

Mickenzie Vought:

to our Onsite days. And

Mickenzie Vought:

instead of talking about what you do, talk about who you are. So who is Bentley?

Bentley Caldwell:

Oh, that is a good question. Well, I am Bentley Caldwell. I I am one of those people who just really I've been on this kinda journey of self actualization, self realization. So yeah. And, honestly, it started with Onsite.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Just kinda just growing into the person that I was put on this earth to be. So, if you ask me who is Bentley, Bentley is an agent of growth. How about that?

Hannah Warren:

Oh, I love that. Come on. Put it on a T shirt.

Bentley Caldwell:

Let's go. Oh, I'm at this place in my life where I I I just wanna continue to grow and evolve and, again, like, just, find my way back home and find my way back to who I am, who I was meant to be. So so, yeah, that's who Bentley is.

Mickenzie Vought:

Oh, I love it. I love that journey was kicked off at Onsite. And give us a glimpse of what your life kinda looked like before you came to Onsite. So you're saying a lot of this journey has been kicked off. What did it what did that look like?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Before Onsite, I guess, my journey kinda started at birth. My mom had it when she was 19. So I didn't know my father. You know, I grew up in a single parent home.

Bentley Caldwell:

And it was I mean, it was a good upbringing, but there was still, like, that that piece that was kinda missing.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so about I think it's, like, 11 years now, my mom passed away. So Mhmm. She passed away when I was 29. And so it was this weird thing of me being, you know, for lack of a better word, you know, an orphan. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know, I didn't have parents.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so when you start kinda looking at your life at 29, you're like, I don't have a mother anymore. I never knew my father. You know, it was this thing of me trying to fill that void. And so, you know, that those few years leading up to Onsite was really just a lot of me just kind of finding ways to cope with the loss of my mother, dealing with these issues of abandonment. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

It's like, well, my mother has passed away. My father didn't want me.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so, you know, it all kinda culminated just when I got into, my first, like, serious relationship. All of that kinda came to the to the forefront. Yeah. You know? And so yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so, you know, leading up to Onsite, I was just dealing with a lot of trauma, honestly, and didn't know how to you know, I'd never gone to therapy. Like, therapy wasn't a thing. You know? And so, yeah, I was just in I was in the trenches of my trauma.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Was your, awareness or grief or things like that kinda what led you there? I know you kinda mentioned some relationship dynamics that things were coming up up and out in that space. Is that kinda what was the, like, you know, check engine light in terms of I need to go get some extra resourcing, or what kind of helped you get there?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. So what ended up kinda prompting that decision to go to Onsite was, yeah, I was in this relationship, and I essentially self sabotage.

Hannah Warren:

You

Bentley Caldwell:

know? It was it was going a little faster than I could keep up with. And for lack of a better term, I just kinda, like, stepped out of the relationship.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

I didn't physically cheat, but, you know, I mentally and emotionally cheated.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so it was one of those things where I ended up actually hurting 2 people. Yeah. You know? And that was that thing of, like you know, usually when you're in, you know, that kind of, like, self sabotage mode, you're like, oh, I can hurt myself, and it's fine. I don't care about that.

Bentley Caldwell:

But then when I started hurting other people, that's when I was

Hannah Warren:

like,

Bentley Caldwell:

okay, b. Like

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

There's something wrong here. Like, you're starting to let your your issues are starting to hurt other people. Like Totally.

Hannah Warren:

Let's

Bentley Caldwell:

figure this out because, like, you can't you can't do this. You can't go through life doing this.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

So yeah. So enter enter Onsite and healing trauma.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Thanks for sharing that and being open about that. I mean, I think that's very brave and self loving of you even in that moment to say loving of yourself and to the others just to say, like, something needs to change. Something's off here. And, really, like, I mean, I'm proud of past Bentley for realizing that because if you if therapy was out of nature for you, like, if that wasn't a regular part of your world, like, all of that makes sense.

Hannah Warren:

Like, all the self sabotage y behavior makes sense. The ways we seek love and connection makes sense, like, especially considering the narratives you had around either abandonment or not being wanted or those things. So I think I mean, way to go, past Bentley, for showing up, you know, for doing that. Like, that's really brave and It

Bentley Caldwell:

really was one of those things where it was like, I I remember having this conscious decision of being like, okay. Everything you're doing is not working.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And so to get a different result, you have to do a different thing.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. And so

Bentley Caldwell:

for me, it was like, okay. Like, let's let's really try to figure out what it is that is in you. Like, what's the why? Like, why are you doing this? You know?

Mickenzie Vought:

But so curious.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm I'm probably one of the most curious people. I'm always asking why. Like, why?

Bentley Caldwell:

Why?

Mickenzie Vought:

But I think it's really relatable.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. And one of the best qualities you can have. I mean, I think curiosity is the root of connection. It's the root of healing. It's the root of, like, how you were saying, like, Bentley is on a what was the term you use?

Hannah Warren:

Path for growth maybe or, like, yeah, an agent for growth? Like

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. There it is. And I was like, what did I say?

Hannah Warren:

Like, it was really good. What was it? I don't think we can grow without curiosity. You know? Like, we are not going we would stay exactly in the same spot.

Hannah Warren:

And I think from my I'm a Onsite alum as well. And from my personal experience, like, that's a lot of what it is. It's like getting curious about what shaped us, like, how we've shown up in the past, relationships that have shaped us, experiences that have shaped us, and, yeah, without that curiosity. And so many people don't want to be curious about it because either they think they know what happened and, like, I don't need to revisit it, or they're like, I don't ever want to revisit it because it was bad. So, like, I'm just gonna keep going and keep chugging along and, you know, work my way to success or whatever it is.

Hannah Warren:

But, as we all know, that you that usually doesn't work.

Mickenzie Vought:

Well, I think in my own life and in my own journey, I can think of a couple different ways that I approach this work. One way is like I know and I can directly relate this behavior to this wound in my life, and I don't know what to do with it. Or I'm just seeing this thing happen over and over and something needs to change, but I don't even know what it was. So did you feel like you could identify, hey, some of this abandonment stuff, some of this trauma, some of this hard things from my past is coming out sideways in my relationships? Or were you feeling like this is coming out sideways, and I don't know what to do?

Mickenzie Vought:

I don't know why this is. You didn't really have the why behind it. Or were you able to connect it back?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. So for me, I knew 100% that, like, some of my trauma like, my mom passed in a

Mickenzie Vought:

way Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Was, like, the biggest thing where I was, like, it left a void.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And I was going, I need to fill this void

Hannah Warren:

With someone or something.

Bentley Caldwell:

Something.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah. Mhmm.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it was mostly someone. Yeah. You know, and so for me, it was this thing of, like, I was in the cycle of trying to fill the void.

Bentley Caldwell:

And then when I got into, like, a, you know, healthy relationship, it was like, oh, like, you don't have to do that anymore. Like, you're fine. You know? But it was like, I was already

Hannah Warren:

So exposed.

Bentley Caldwell:

Cycle. I was already in the loop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Oh, and so it was that thing of, like, just figuring out, like, okay. Like, you're doing these things, but it's causing harm to yourself. It's causing harm to these other people. You know? And this is like, okay.

Bentley Caldwell:

We gotta we gotta break this cycle, and what you've been trying to do is not working. Right. But then on the other side, you know, trauma, like, using that lingo or that terminology Yeah. Was new to me. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

I I was I didn't know anything about trauma. Like, I mean, honestly, like, when I went into Onsite, I'd only I'd just started going to therapy, like, the year before. And so that was, like, my first, like, what is this? What are we?

Hannah Warren:

What are we gonna do? Jump into the deep end. It

Mickenzie Vought:

is Yeah.

Hannah Warren:

You're like, I'm coming home. Can we

Bentley Caldwell:

go big? Can we go big, baby? Let's go. Oh, yeah. And so yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so when I, yeah, when I when I started Onsite it was one of those things. Like, I was hearing things. Like, I didn't even know there was such thing as pre birth trauma. You know? And so it was like, oh, so, you know, when my mom was having me at 19, you know, it's like her emotions, her thoughts, her feelings were being passed down to me, and I didn't even, you know and so so yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

So it was one of those things where it's like I knew what was going on, but also I was learning in real time

Hannah Warren:

at the

Bentley Caldwell:

same time.

Hannah Warren:

So Oh, Oh, yeah. You, landed at our healing trauma program. Is that correct? Yes. Okay.

Hannah Warren:

Cool. Would you mind sharing a little bit about your experience or maybe some ahas or takeaways or, like, kinda what I I firmly believe in what we do, and I also believe that's a huge starting point for a lot of people or, like, just, next launching point. I don't think everyone comes to Onsite and fixes all your problems, and then you're you're like, it's perfect for the rest of time. But I I that's not real life, but I do believe that's such a huge catalyst for a lot of people. I know it was for me personally.

Hannah Warren:

So what kinda did you uncover when you were there? What what was your neck kinda next spot your next launching spot? What'd you take away from your time?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. So with the healing trauma, it was very interesting because, again, like, I I was very new in the the therapy kinda, like, world. And so what I, you know, did all the application process and all this stuff. I remember talking to someone. They were like, yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You're gonna do about a year's worth of therapy in, like, a a week. And I was like, oh, okay. Oh, wow. Okay. Cool.

Bentley Caldwell:

Fine. Yeah. No problem. Sure. Got it.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And I remember, you know, driving out to to, like, the the location and getting to, like you know, you turn it onto the road and you go you lead up to the house or whatever. And I remember, like, being on the street with with my blinker on being like, turn.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, turn into the turn on to the property, Bentley. And I was like, I

Hannah Warren:

can't do it. I can't

Bentley Caldwell:

do it. You know? And then a car came down the road behind me, and I I see.

Hannah Warren:

I have to. Turn in. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And so it was one of those things. Like, when I got there, you know, I didn't know what to expect because, again, it was you know, I I kinda have, like, a overview, but, you know, I didn't I didn't know what the work was gonna be. Like, I didn't know, you know, who was gonna be in, like, my group. Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

So, yeah, so when we when I showed up, you know, like, you know, take your electronics and, you know, and then, like, they send you to, like, your cabin and then you're in there with, like, you know, I only have one, roommate or whatever.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And, you know, you're in there and you're like

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Hi. You know, you can only, like yeah. You can only use your first name. You can't say, like, where you're yeah. You know, what you do for work.

Bentley Caldwell:

So I was just like Yeah. So What a long time ago. But Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. You know. But, you know, then we started getting into, like, our smaller groups, and and it was interesting because you know? And I I feel like this might might have been intentional, but my group everyone in my group, we all dealt with, like, the abandonment. Mhmm.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And so it was this weird thing that the day like, you know, the night of, like, the fur I guess, the first night, we all actually congregated together

Hannah Warren:

Oh.

Bentley Caldwell:

Not knowing that we were all in the same group. We all just kinda, like, found each other. It was like, you're you're one of my people. Like, not even but you not even know that we're eventually yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so yeah. And so for me, it was that thing of just kinda like, you know, once we got into the to the group work and, you know, just hearing everyone's stories and then also having to tell our story, you know, because, they what we had to do was basically map out our, I guess, life trauma lives, if you will.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so it was that thing too where I always used to think like, oh, because I don't have, like, some crazy Yep. Like, huge trauma traumatic thing that, like, my trauma wasn't as big or as important or

Hannah Warren:

as Yeah. Good, quote, unquote,

Bentley Caldwell:

as someone else's trauma. But it was that thing of, like, as I was telling my story, we we got so close, we just call each other family. Like, my little my family was like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And I was like, oh.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? Like, I was just

Mickenzie Vought:

There's something about having someone have a reaction for you when you have a given yourself permission to have that reaction that's so beautiful and life giving. Like, it just validates, oh, this matters, and it makes sense that I'm impacted. Like, oh, it's just so beautiful.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. It really was. And it was like, okay. Like, alright. Like, I like, again, I matter.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, that was one of the, you know, kinda like having just, like that was one of my affirmations coming out of Onsite was, like, I matter. You know? And so for me, you know, just some of the takeaways were, you know, just learning about different types of trauma. Like I said, I didn't even know pre birth trauma was a thing. I didn't know that, you know, neglect is a part is a former trauma.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And so for me, it was like, oh, like, okay. There are little t traumas and then there are big t traumas and, like, you know, all the different things. And then just also to just figuring out ways of dealing with those those traumas, those emotions, in healthy ways of being like, okay. When you start feeling this way, that is because this bit is being poked on.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And it's like, so let's go and figure out why this is being poked on and talk about that before we, you know so, yeah, that was that was one of the many, many, many, many, many takeaways Yeah. Alongside of, like, how much time do we have? We can just No. I love it.

Mickenzie Vought:

At Onsite, we often say we're wounded in relationships and we heal in relationships. In our minds, that truth brings so much validity and power to the group experience. We get to heal and practice relationship in the context of a safe container with our Onsite groups. I loved hearing how close Bentley got to his group and how they so organically found one another and connected on an unspoken level before they even officially quote met. Hannah and I were curious how the learning experience at Onsite has impacted how Bentley has shown up differently in his relationships now.

Mickenzie Vought:

Here's what he had to say.

Bentley Caldwell:

It was one of those things where, you know, I had to get into relationship with little Bentley.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

One of the things we did because a lot of like, almost everybody in my group, a lot of our trauma was when we were younger. Yeah. You know? And so especially because it was 3 guys and then 22 females. And we we all had to kinda, like, talk to especially the guys, we had to talk to our our younger versions of ourselves.

Bentley Caldwell:

So it was really cool that we we put a name to that version of ourselves. So, like, you know, my family calls me Ben. So it was like, you know, it's like Ben was my little my little boy. You know? And so it was one of those things where I know.

Bentley Caldwell:

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. What for me, it was like, okay. Is this Bentley the man who is operating, or is this Ben? Right. And so it was this especially for me without having parents, like, physical parents, it was this thing of being like, okay.

Bentley Caldwell:

Now I have to be the parent for the younger version of of myself. So when he is feeling triggered or for when he is feeling like, ah, you know? Yeah. It's like, no. No, buddy.

Bentley Caldwell:

We're good. Like, we're okay. Like, you're fine. I got you. Like, we're okay.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? So a lot of times, you know, in relationships, and and it doesn't even matter if it's like a romantic relationship or not, it's like sometimes for me, personally, you know, they always say on your own your eye. So for me, it was like Ben would show up and be, like, and I mean, I feel I have to go, buddy. You're okay. Mhmm.

Bentley Caldwell:

We're good.

Mickenzie Vought:

I wish everyone could see like, this isn't a video podcast, but if they could do the like, that's just so tender even the way that you're, like, wrapping him up. Like, you keep signaling, like, you're, like, wrapping

Bentley Caldwell:

him up. And wiping him up. Yeah. Embracing. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Embracing him and just being like, hey, buddy. Like, we're we're okay. Like, you know? Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And it was like when I started to cultivate that relationship with you know, you kinda touched on this earlier with this, like, the past Bentleys. You know? When I started, like, cultivating the relationships of, you know, Bentley at 5 and then Bentley at 10 and teenage Bentley, middle school Bentley, and then even sometimes college Bentley. You know? It was like, oh, like, you know, bringing all of those versions together.

Bentley Caldwell:

I could I didn't know this was in video. So I'm like, Bentley is

Hannah Warren:

getting these things together

Bentley Caldwell:

in my business.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. I'm glad you mentioned that, Mackenzie, because I feel like if you were just listening, my relationship with Myla Charles, even though I didn't acknowledge her for, like, my entire life really until I did Onsite, would have been, like, more pat on the head.

Hannah Warren:

Like, oh, no, Hannah. You're good. Like, whatever. And so I'm really glad you called out that, like, that's not what you're doing right now. You're saying, like, no.

Hannah Warren:

Come here. I've got you. And there's such a huge difference between the, like, no. You're good. Or they're, like, no.

Hannah Warren:

You're actually good. Like, I got you. I'm showing up for you now.

Bentley Caldwell:

And I

Hannah Warren:

think that's Or you're safe.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, you're safe here. Right? Yeah. You're safe.

Mickenzie Vought:

I sometimes literally put my hand on my chest and, like, talk to her. I'm like, hey. You're safe. It's not your job. I don't know.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah. Like, I've got this.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And it's it's all too you know, I love that and older and, you know, continue to to grow. You know, it's also that thing of, like, hey. I like, I'm I'm gonna drive the bus.

Hannah Warren:

Oh, right.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna drive I'm gonna drive the the vehicle of life. You know? Like, you you just go sit back and just relax. You know? Like, player's choice.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? Because a lot of times, you know, we get into this place where the younger version is driving Right. Driving the bus or, you know, just like, chaos. Yeah. And so yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

For me, it was just learning and building that relationship with my younger with the younger versions of myself. So that way, when I was in or if I were ever in a relationship and something was triggering Right. You know, it's like, okay. Who's being triggered? Is it adult Bentley, or is it, you know, younger version of Bentley?

Bentley Caldwell:

And then being able to speak to those versions. So if it is adult Bentley, then, like, okay. Like, they didn't mean that or, you know, chill. You know? And if it's, you know, younger version Bentley, it's like, hey, buddy.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, you're okay. Like, that is a wounded person, you know, acting on their own woundings. You know? And so that had nothing to do with you. So we're good.

Hannah Warren:

You know? So That's good. Think so many people think, like, well, I can't change the past. I can't fix, like, how my parents showed up for me or didn't show up for me, and and, yeah, we can't change that. But, like, I think it's you're so beautiful that you are you are showing us, and I feel like that's a takeaway for a lot of people.

Hannah Warren:

But, like, you are the one who gets to be the parent now to that version of yourself. And Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And it was one of those things sorry. I don't mean to interrupt, but it was one of those things too. That was one of the things that I learned while I was at Onsite. It was like, we as children, like, we internalize everything as it's our fault.

Mickenzie Vought:

Right. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, oh, my father not being there was my fault.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah. Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? Or you know? And even sometimes, like, whatever the case may be with that childhood trauma, it's like, oh, it's my fault because you don't have the the the operating tools to go. No. No.

Bentley Caldwell:

No. This is an adult who hasn't dealt with their own issues. Yeah. And now it's coming out sideways. Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

And then that's the reason why they're yelling at you or they're hitting you or they're Right. Not there or they're whatever the case may be. And so, yeah, so we internalize that. So then, you know, we grow up with this

Hannah Warren:

Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

Looking through the world through this filter Mhmm. Of, like, I have to be this in order to get love, or I have to say this in order to get love, or I have to do this in order to get love when it's like, actually, that had again, that had nothing to do with you. You know? And so that was one of those things where even when I started dealing with just the adults in my life, it was like, oh, I can tell you're operating from this lens of the little girl or the little boy inside of you. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

And then and I'm talking about dealing with, like, grown

Hannah Warren:

Right. Yeah. Like, people

Bentley Caldwell:

who are older than me. You know? I mean, like, oh, you're still you're, like, in your sixties. It's still operating through this lens of the little boy who

Mickenzie Vought:

Yep. Didn't get away

Bentley Caldwell:

and hurt when Yeah. Yeah. Who didn't yeah. You know? Who's still looking for love or still trying to be something to get love.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. So

Hannah Warren:

I love that you used the metaphor of the bus too and you driving the bus because I think I think in my own experience with, like, inner child work, I think when I first kind of addressed it, I was like, okay. Now I've, like, healed that portion and then bye. I'm gonna carry on as, like, a healthy adult and, like, yep. That's not how it works. Like, we do continue to have these younger versions of ourselves, and they're gonna continue to show up no matter how healthy and grounded we are.

Hannah Warren:

Like, life happens and things were reminding us of our past or triggers something similar or something like that. And so, like, I like that you're driving the bus, but, like, you've acknowledged, like, they're still there on that bus too. Right. Yeah. Because I think a lot of people just try to move on and move forward and, like, just forget those the younger versions, and then those ones are just, like, stuck and, like, not being brought along the journey.

Hannah Warren:

And so I like that you've acknowledged that. Like, they're still there. And, like, even when I asked you about relationships now, you spoke to those relationships, the relationship with self, which I think is the most important one and the way you're gonna continue to show up and be healthy in other other person to person relationships with being in that person to person relationship with you, you know.

Mickenzie Vought:

You've probably heard that old adage that you can't love others until you first love yourself. I don't think that's completely true. I have seen so many people have capacity for love for others without actually loving themselves. However, I do think there is some validity to the importance of understanding yourself so you can better understand others. Bentley shared that he went to Onsite hoping to answer 2 questions.

Mickenzie Vought:

Who is Bentley, and why does he do what he does? I asked Bentley how he would answer that question today.

Bentley Caldwell:

So who is Bentley now? Like, like I said, I I am on this this journey of growth, you know, this journey of of coming back to myself. You know, it's like, what do I do now? It's just you know, for me, it's it's all about just leading with love and also to just making my baseline peace. Mhmm.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? So I was talking to someone about this, yesterday, actually, where it was like, if, you know, a relationship, a job, anything of the matter cost me my peace Yeah. Then it's too expensive.

Mickenzie Vought:

That's really good.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so for me, it's like, my baseline now is peace. Like, am I at peace with my decisions? Am I at peace with, you know, where I am? Am I at peace with this person? Am I at peace with this partnership or whatever the case may be?

Bentley Caldwell:

And for me, it's like, if I'm not at peace with it, then it's like it is out of alignment. You know? And so for me, it's it's about who I am now is all about, am I is this aligned? Does this still align? Does it feel at peace?

Bentley Caldwell:

Can I can I go to bed going, you know, I did the right things by all parties involved?

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And I and I and that's that's that's not an easy thing

Hannah Warren:

to Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

To do. You know? You know, it's not a thing. Because, you know, a lot of times, you you you know, this is a world we we are people have we're humans having a human

Hannah Warren:

experience with other humans.

Bentley Caldwell:

There is this metaphor. I I I was a theater kid, and so there is this metaphor from this play called Master Harold and the Boys, where it's like, we're all dancing. We're all ballroom dancing, and every once in a while, you're gonna run into another person while you're ballroom dancing. You know? And so that's life.

Bentley Caldwell:

That's the world. You know? But it's like, how do you deal with that that little bump up, that little rub up? Yeah. You know, and so and sometimes, yeah, like I said, like, you'll you're gonna come into contact with someone, and you're like, oh, oh, I don't really like you.

Bentley Caldwell:

Right. You know? But but it's that thing of, like, okay. How do we deal with this bump up, this rub up that leaves, you know, everybody better than before we met?

Mickenzie Vought:

I feel like that desire for peace is such a beautiful lens for setting boundaries, and it makes me think of, Hannah, you often quote that Prentice Hempel quote about boundaries are the distance at which I can love me and you simultaneously. And it's not easy. I had

Hannah Warren:

a question about your peace because I love that in theory. It's awesome. Theory. And I'm like, do you just have an internal knowing? Like, what is peace to you?

Hannah Warren:

How did you harness that? Like, how did you kinda get right in your own is it an internal compass? Is it just a a feeling? Or do you have kinda, like, things that you look for that are a good measurement for that? Like, how did you come to this place of peace where you can say, like, yes.

Hannah Warren:

This is bringing me that or this is not?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. So for peace like, for me, peace is it is like an internal compass. It's one of those things where as I've gotten healthier, like, my level I always likened it like this where it's like you're going up a step or a staircase, and then I turn around and pour concrete down that staircase so I can't go back. You know? And so it's like, okay.

Bentley Caldwell:

This is, like, my baseline now. You know? And as I continue to get healthier, it's like, okay. Now this is my baseline. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

So for me, peace is is an eternal thing of, like, I know and now I know what it feels like to wake up and not have anxiety because I feel like I'm in a bad situation. You know? It's like, okay. Like, alright. If I'm talking to this person or if I'm doing this job or if I'm whatever you know, I I mean, I even take this into with my with what I do with, like, styling and stuff like that with with work.

Bentley Caldwell:

You You know, if I'm on a phone call with a person and I don't feel a good energy with that person, then I just won't work with them.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? Because, again, it's like, my piece is the most important thing.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

It's an internal thing.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. I think that's beautiful. What would be your encouragement to someone that maybe wants to start listening to that internal piece a little bit more? And it's okay if you don't have a formal answer to this, but I I'm curious for the listener who thinks, like, oh, that must be nice. Like, I you know, like, that gets in that.

Hannah Warren:

And I I

Bentley Caldwell:

think I

Hannah Warren:

think that is beautiful, and I wanna respect that. And I like I could feel a little bit of my the judgmental side of me say, like, I want that too. We talked about, like, when we have, like, a rest deficit, we had a a rest specialist on, and she was saying, like, when people look at somebody else and say, like, well, I want that vacation or I want this. And really what that's saying is, like, oh, I'm like, this is something that I desire, and so, like, how can I give myself a piece of this now? And so going from a place, if someone is listening and thinks like, well, I can't turn down this job or I can't, like, get I can't, I'm stuck in this relationship because of a child I have or whatever that is, like, forcing you.

Hannah Warren:

What would be your encouragement to, like for people that I know, like, we can still get pieces of that piece and we can still protect ourselves in certain ways even when circumstances are outside of our control. But What would be kind of your encouragement to somebody that like, how they could start that now, that internal alignment with themselves?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. I think it's you know, there's a few different ways. I I think one is always just, like, trust your trust your gut. Trust your instinct.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know, if it feels wrong or feels off, then it it is. And then also, you know, just having the courage to to break the cycle. One of my favorite quotes, you know, and this is kinda almost like a life mantra is it is it's always this or something better.

Hannah Warren:

Mhmm.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And so it's one of those things where, yeah, like, you being in that relationship or you being in that job or whatever, you know, it's like the universe always wants something better for you. Yeah. You know? And so it's like, if you're holding on to the $20 bill and the universe is like, well, I'm trying to give you this 100, but you're like, yeah, Put the 20.

Bentley Caldwell:

The 20's here. Yeah. I got it.

Hannah Warren:

Known. And that's real. Right now.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Yeah. You know? I got this, but the universe is like, but I got a $100 over here for you. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

It's just being like once you start getting into the habit of of releasing things that no longer bring you joy or bring you happiness Yeah. You know, you you get to a place where it's like, oh, okay. I'm not gonna stay in this job just because I have to. Right.

Hannah Warren:

You

Bentley Caldwell:

know? One of my college professors, she, I was taking a class. So I was a musical theater major in college. And I was taking a class where it was a 2 semester class. It was musical theater performance, and I had to literally get up in front of my class and, like, perform, like, almost every week.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Wow.

Bentley Caldwell:

And it was the bane of my existence. I hated this class so much. And I I got through the 1st semester, and I was like, then I'm like, I gotta take a second semester you know, the

Hannah Warren:

first day the first day

Bentley Caldwell:

of class, I had to get up and perform. I did, like, this, like, you know, half ass performance. And, like, after class, the and she was also my adviser. She's like, my office now. And and I I go in there, and she closes the door.

Bentley Caldwell:

She's like she's like, what the hell was that? And I was

Hannah Warren:

like I was like

Bentley Caldwell:

and I said I said, I just really don't want to do this.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah. And

Bentley Caldwell:

she's like, Bentley, you don't have to do anything you don't wanna do just because you feel like you have to do it. And I was just like, what? Yeah. Because, like, your whole life, you're taught. Persevere and She's like, yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You did that for this 1st semester. You persevered. You got through it. Don't put yourself back through it again. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And so it was this thing where she's like, yeah. Like, we'll figure something out, but you don't have to do this. Yeah. And so for me, it's like I kinda take that into, like, the peace thing.

Bentley Caldwell:

So if anybody's listening, it's like, look like, you know, you really actually don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. Obviously, you know, not pay taxes and stuff like that. But, you know, you know, it looks like there are some things, but,

Hannah Warren:

like, for the most part, like Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know, like, you don't have to stay in that relationship because you feel like you have to stay in that relationship. You don't have to stay in that job because at the end of the day, you only have this one life.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah Warren:

You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

And it's like, do you wanna spend that time, you know, being miserable

Hannah Warren:

Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know, and feeling like, I gotta, I gotta trudge through this. You know, I gotta show up for work because, you know, it's paying the bills. It's like, no. Like, if this again, if this if this costing you your piece, it's just too expensive.

Hannah Warren:

Right. It's so good.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? Yep.

Hannah Warren:

What I'm hearing from all of that is, like, there's just permission to change. And I think that kinda goes back to, like, what you were saying earlier about being an agent for growth and even back to what we were saying about curiosity. I think I think the, like, need for infusing curiosity into that is really important, though. Because if you're just like, f this. I don't wanna do this.

Hannah Warren:

But, like, don't also get curious about, like, why? Why don't I wanna do this? What about this is bothering me? What about this is taking my peace? What about what would give me joy?

Hannah Warren:

What would bring me more life than this? Or Or else we're just gonna find ourselves in the same same class over and over again or the same type of relationship or whatever. And so I think, like, the people listening, myself included, it's like, we just get permission. If it if it's not working for us, it doesn't have to, but let's get curious about why so that we don't repeat the same thing so that we do move forward to something better, to something more life giving.

Bentley Caldwell:

Exactly. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. And, again, like, that curiosity is so perfect because it's like that.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, you don't wanna leave the job that you hate to go and get into it. Just get another job that you hate. It's like, oh, you're just gonna, like, you know, shit.

Hannah Warren:

You're just repeating the same patterns over

Mickenzie Vought:

and over again.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And it's like, you know, the common denominator in all those situations is you.

Hannah Warren:

So it's

Bentley Caldwell:

like, okay. Like, if you change you, then you change everything else, you know. And that was kinda like my thing. It was like, if I change this version of Fendly, then, you know, I will change how I show up in everyone else's or all the other relationships.

Mickenzie Vought:

At this point in the conversation, we were nearing the end of our time with Bentley, and I knew a piece of his story in regards to his relationships that I really wanted him to share. It's absolutely incredible. The courage and self assuredness that he showed in the actions he took. I don't wanna spoil anything, but throughout this conversation, he had spoken a lot about walking into relationships after Onsite with a new perspective and an additional level of empathy. He was able to see beyond someone's actions and empathize with their story.

Mickenzie Vought:

The things that triggered them, lean into curiosity, and even detach himself from the narrative. He took this into a journey of addressing the abandonment wound that he carried for most of his life in regards to his birth father. I asked him if he'd be willing to share a little bit of that story with us. He was so gracious, and I know you're not gonna wanna miss it.

Bentley Caldwell:

My mom had me when she was 19. I didn't know my father. I had a a moment where so my I'm originally from Kentucky, like, small town Kentucky. Paducah. What up?

Bentley Caldwell:

And, and my father lived in Oklahoma City.

Hannah Warren:

Okay.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so when we were younger, we finally we moved to Tulsa. You know, as a kid, Kentucky and Oklahoma might as well be 2 different countries. Right. You know? Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

When we moved to Tulsa, it was one of those things where we were finally in the same state. So I reached out I, asked my mom, like, hey. I wanna send him a Father's Day gift. And so she's like, okay. Cool.

Bentley Caldwell:

Perfect. We, you know, pick out he was a professor. And so I picked out this little desk caddy or whatever, and so we mailed it to him. Long story short, he sent it back. And it's basically like, you know, if you Pull it back.

Bentley Caldwell:

Anything else again. Kind of. Oh my god. Right? Crushed.

Bentley Caldwell:

He's like, basically, if you send me send me anything again, I'm a throw

Hannah Warren:

it away. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so that was I was 10, 10 or 11. That was literally, like, the last interaction I had with him. So like I said, my mom passed away about 11 years ago, and it kinda just got onto this journey of, like, you know, when I started become more healthy or healthier, I kinda was like, okay. Like, I feel like there was a piece of meat missing. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

I always say that people are made up of 3 parts. You know? It's like, you know, you're made up of, like, your mother, you know, and then your father and then whatever it is that you bring to the table. You know? And so it's like I knew what my mother had given me.

Bentley Caldwell:

I knew what I was kinda bringing to the table, but it was kinda like this thing of, like, what is what is your part in this? You know? And so so I went to Onsite in 2019. So about 2,000, like, 2020, 2021, I really started to, like, look for him. Like, I mean, like, I was I was Google magic.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? I tried to find this guy because I knew his name, and I knew he lived in Oklahoma City, but I just and it was, like, in a world where everybody can be found, he was nowhere

Mickenzie Vought:

to be found. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so, you know, I I hired a product investigator. Like, I mean, I was going in. Couldn't find this guy anywhere. So I was just kinda like, okay. He doesn't wanna be found.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Fine. So about 2,000 I mean, like, probably 2,000 22, 2022, my cousin, who was, like, my best friend growing up, he was like, bro, I found him. Then I was like, found who? Like, it's just so out of the blue. Like, found who?

Bentley Caldwell:

He's like, bro, I found your dad. I was like, what? And so he's like, you know, you know those, like, find a person website where you like to do, like he literally bought, like, a subscription. It was like, bro, I took it, like, 6 o'clock in the morning, like, trying to, like, look for your dad. And so he ended up finding him through his wife and whatever whatever.

Bentley Caldwell:

So he, like, emailed me, like, his address, his phone number. Like like, you know, I had a sister that I know about. Like, you know, it was a whole thing. Yeah. And so it was one of those things I was like, oh, wow.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like like, oh, I have this info. Like, holy crap. What am I gonna do with it? Yeah. And so last year so I turned 40 this year.

Bentley Caldwell:

And then so last year was, like, the 39th year, and I was like, okay. I wanna do like, I kinda like people, like, you should do, like, a 40 by 40. And I was like, okay. 40 things by 40 Yeah. That's a lot.

Hannah Warren:

Feels a lot.

Bentley Caldwell:

I was like, let's do 4. I was like, we'll keep the alliteration. We'll keep the alliteration and do 4. And one of the 4 things was to meet my father. Mhmm.

Bentley Caldwell:

Because I was just like, I don't wanna I don't want him to leave this earth, and I don't wanna leave this earth without just at least seeing his face. And so yeah. So October you know, I I kinda sat with it all year because my birthday is in March. I kinda sat with it all year. I was like, I don't know, like, how should I do it?

Bentley Caldwell:

Should I just, like should I write them on letters? Should I call them? Should I you know? Or should I just show up? And, again, talking about peace, it was like I ran through every scenario, and the most peaceful scenario was me showing up unannounced.

Hannah Warren:

Come on.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so yeah. So peaceful scenario.

Hannah Warren:

Oh, I

Bentley Caldwell:

love it. Right. The most peaceful scenario is just showing up on the I

Hannah Warren:

think that's true to, like, to listen to you because that one is too peaceful to me. Like, I at that moment, you know, because, like, you had to check-in and tune in and say, like, okay. What actually is?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. That was 100%. It was like, I had to check-in. Like, that didn't to most people, that wasn't the logical. Like, that bro, like, call him first.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, Like, send him a letter. I love it. So, like, long story short, yeah, I I flew out to Oklahoma City and literally knocked on his front door, and Wow. His wife answered the door, and she was like, hello? Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And I was like, hi. Is Earl here? And she was like, who's asking? And I was like, alright. The next few words that I speak are gonna put this all into motion.

Bentley Caldwell:

And I said, tell him it's Bentley, his son. Woah. Yeah. And so, again, give me a very dead a condensed overview of this. But, yeah, he you know, for me, you know, everybody's like, what's your expectation?

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, what is it that you, you know and for me, it was like, on the low end, I just wanna see his face. Yeah. Met him. You know? But on the high end, it was like, I want to be able to sit down and have a real life conversation and, like, shake his hand, take a photo, and then, you know, peace out.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so, yeah, that's what ended up happening. Like, you know, he invited me into his home. We sat down. We had a very open, honest conversation about his relationship with my mother, why he sent the present back. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And it was this weird thing, you know, talking about empathy. You know, it was this very interesting thing because, like, he's telling me the story of like, he's telling his side of the story

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. Of, like, you know, his relationship with my mother. You know? And it was this thing of, like, I put myself in both of their shoes. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? It's like, okay. My mother was a newly 19 when they met, you know, and then she was getting ready to have a kid. Right. You know, at 19, she only had a high school degree, a diploma.

Bentley Caldwell:

Now she's bring getting ready to bring this child into the world, you know, and her living circumstances weren't the best. You know? So it's like, my mom had to do what she had to do to take care of her child. And then on his side, I'm like because he didn't think that I was his son. And so, you know, of course, he's not gonna show up for a kid who does he doesn't think is his.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so it was, like, kinda, like, that thing of being like, okay, bro. I get it. Like, I understand. And I was telling you this, Mackenzie, when we had our little pre talk. You know, if I had done this 4 or 5 years previous, I would've came in with this, like, fire.

Bentley Caldwell:

Like, forget you, man.

Hannah Warren:

Like, you

Bentley Caldwell:

know, what if you know, like, just this anger and this, you know, animosity or whatever the case may be. And it was like, this had to happen at the time that it happened. Yeah. Because it was like, he got to meet the healthiest version of Bentley.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Or

Bentley Caldwell:

he I could just sit and and listen and not come in with this preconceived idea of who he was and this, that, and the other. And so and I I mean, it's it's been kinda cool because now we, we have this, like, relationship. You know? Like, we spent Christmas together. Oh.

Bentley Caldwell:

My birthday was yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. It's like and my birthday was, March 1st, and he sent me a birthday text, like, saying, like, hey. Happy birthday.

Bentley Caldwell:

And it dawned on me that I've been waiting 40 years to get that birthday message.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And it was just like, holy crap. Like, you know? And so it was just this real this beautiful story of, like, empathy, but also this beautiful story of redemption. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And so yeah. So yeah. That's that's my story with my father. That is right, Bentley.

Bentley Caldwell:

Very Oh, god.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. It's just it's been it was 2023 was a crazy year. It was a crazy year, but it was a good year. It was probably my best years.

Hannah Warren:

How does that feel like today? How does all of this resonate? What feeling comes up for you about it all right now?

Bentley Caldwell:

It happened the way it was supposed to happen.

Hannah Warren:

Mhmm. Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

And he and I talk, like, once a week. You know? And it's this thing of just being like, I I remember going, I have changed the family tree.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know what I'm saying? Like, I have liberated the future Bentleys. You know? It's like, not only have I healed, like, my younger versions, like, I no longer, you know, technically have to co pair it, like, my you know, pair it my younger versions. It's like, no.

Bentley Caldwell:

It's it's okay. Like, you know and also to hearing his story of him being like, honestly, man, like, it had nothing to do with you. It was between me and your mother, and I'm sorry that you were in kinda like the crosshairs of that. Yeah. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

And just being able to hear that and hear it's this weird thing of, like, the person who caused so much hurt is the person who's also healing that hurt. Yeah. You know?

Mickenzie Vought:

So beautiful.

Bentley Caldwell:

Which is right? That is such, like, a weird, like it's like somebody stabbing you and then coming in and, like,

Hannah Warren:

be the same

Bentley Caldwell:

person who, like, sutured yeah. Yeah. Just sutured the wound. You know? Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

And so, yeah, it was just it it was such a interesting dynamic of, again, like I said, of just, like, that redemption part of being like, wow. You caused me so much pain, but also you are here to remedy said pain as well. Yeah. So so, yeah, it's been it was it's just been such a great thing.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. I mean, so loving of you to allow that space too. And I know that's due to a lot of the work that you've done, but I I make up that would be so So cool. For for your father. Like and, like, so hard on him.

Hannah Warren:

And I imagine even I would make up there's probably moments where it is still hard. It's like, oh, that touched on that and, like, needing to Yeah. Have him repair or you repair or whatever. But you being able to show up for yourself, yeah, I I can't imagine trying to do this work prior to that and and even continually with that. Like, I know this is not, like, a done journey.

Hannah Warren:

Like, it is something that will continue to evolve and shake out, but it's so cool that you are giving yourself that gift and giving him that gift. Mhmm.

Mickenzie Vought:

I love that line of, like, I've healed and changed my family tree, like whatever happens, you have changed the trajectory of your lineage. And I just think it's so incredible, the impact and the ripple impact of the work that you chose to do. I think so often we do this work, we refuse to do it, because it's like, no, it's just impacting me. But then when you're able to get above that and say it's showing up for everyone around me, it's impacting people I don't even know yet It's just such a really beautiful gift from the work of I started to do this to heal something inside of me, and now it's healing other people.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. And I think that was just, like, one of those things. Like, it was like the the pebble in the in the pond, you know, where I was just like, I just need to do this for me, but it's also been a thing that it's been healing for him because, you know, it's like

Hannah Warren:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

Obviously, he knew who I was, you know, but he never was able to have that relationship with me for whatever reason. Yeah. It's just yeah. It's just been it's been good for him. It's been good for me.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And then again, like, I've been able to tell my story, you know, because there are a lot of people who have that wounding of of abandonment whether it's from the father's side or the mother's side.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And being able to say, like, like, go for it. You know? Right. And it was one of those things for me.

Bentley Caldwell:

The decision for me to do that was I would rather live in momentary discomfort of going out there and meeting this man than to live in a lifetime of regret because I'd let my fear take over. My I let my fear drive the bus.

Hannah Warren:

Yeah. Right.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know?

Mickenzie Vought:

And you went in with such expectations. Like, I just wanna see his face, and everything above that is gonna be gravy, is gonna be more than I could expect. But if I could just have this for me, I think that's so beautiful.

Bentley Caldwell:

Oh, yeah. I mean, it was one of those things I was like, I was I was preparing myself for all the different scenarios. Like, what if, you know, I knock on the door, he opens, sees my face, and shuts the door on my face. I was like, okay. Cool.

Bentley Caldwell:

And then I was like, what if what if I get there? He's not even home. Yeah. Yeah. He

Mickenzie Vought:

wants to come back.

Bentley Caldwell:

I was like, you fly out. I know. I was like, well, I'll be back next weekend, bro. Like, I'll see. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

But, yeah, it went. I mean, I was like, it went better than even I could imagine. Like I said, it might go back to, like, it's this or something better. You know? It's like, you know, it could've been just like, hey.

Bentley Caldwell:

I saw you, and then we left, but it ended up being better than even I could imagine. And what he can imagine. You know? And

Hannah Warren:

so it

Bentley Caldwell:

was just this real, like, really beautiful thing. You know? And he's he's in his seventies now, and so it's like even kinda like the twilight of his of his life, you know, being able to have this reconnection with with me, it's just been really cool. So

Hannah Warren:

I think about how, like, I love the outcome that this has had. And despite if the outcome had happened or not, like, you still were doing what you can do to, heal your wounds. And I think a lot about how you talked about even learning about, like, pre birth drama and things like that. Like, you are doing what you can do, and I love that your your father's become an outcome of this. But despite that, if you choose to have a family or anything like that, like, you still are changing the lineage.

Hannah Warren:

Even if, like, you weren't gonna continue a relationship with him, which I'm I'm grateful that you have that opportunity, but, like, you are choosing to address that. So, like, you aren't passing down the same birth trauma in the same way or pre birth trauma in the same way. So, you know, like, you are doing your own work. And so I think it's I hope people people don't have that amazing outcome or the outcome that maybe they hope they would have that they're still doing the work and they're still building towards a better future, whatever the outcome is. You know?

Bentley Caldwell:

I mean, it's all about really just showing up. You know? It's like you know? That's and that's what I I've learned just in this growth thing. It's just, like, just just show up and and, you know, be curious.

Bentley Caldwell:

Yeah. You know? And also to just holding, you know, the expectations with an open palm. Yeah. You know?

Hannah Warren:

Because it's

Bentley Caldwell:

like, if I would have gone in and being like, I need this thing to happen. You know? I would have missed out on even just something more beautiful. You know? So it's like, you know, I went in, you know, with an open heart and open mind and open open arms, open hands, open palms.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? Just feeling, okay. I'm going I have what I would like to happen, but I'm gonna open myself up to what should happen or what needs to happen, for the better good for both parties involved for all parties involved. You know? And that's what ended up happening.

Bentley Caldwell:

You know? And so it's just been, yeah, it's been it was that was just, like, such a crazy crazy and, again, like, I've given you guys, like, the, the the cliff notes version.

Mickenzie Vought:

Yeah. I have so many questions. I wanna know

Hannah Warren:

all the details, but well, thank you

Mickenzie Vought:

for sitting down with us. I really appreciate it.

Mickenzie Vought:

Thanks for listening to the Living Center podcast. If you're enjoying the show, we'd love for you to consider leaving us a review or rating on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever else you listen. It only takes a few seconds to navigate to the show in your app and select the stars to begin your rating. It helps more people find the show and we really appreciate it. Thanks so much.