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A refreshing and clear review of each Parsha in the Torah presented by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe
00:01 - Intro/Outro (Announcement)
You are listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Parsha Review Podcast.
00:10 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Thank you everybody for your patience. It's so wonderful to be here. Just a quick note we resumed our Everyday Judaism Podcast on Sunday mornings and some of you are here at that class on Sunday mornings at 11 am. It is, to me, becoming one of my favorite classes, particularly because of the questions that everyone is asking after class and that is being recorded and being published. So if you go to the Everyday Judaism podcast, they all come with an extended question and answers. I'm getting better at repeating the question before I just jump into the answer. That's something that I'm not used to, but I think it's really, really, really an exciting program. What we're doing is we're learning how to live our everyday Jewish life. We know what to do, but how to do it the details is very, very important, and that's very, very exciting. So welcome back, my dear friends. Good morning. It is so wonderful to see everyone here at the Torch Center live. Even though it is frigid weather out there, it is so incredible to see so many people come out here to the Torch Center live. Even though it is frigid weather out there, it is so incredible to see so many people come out here to the Torch Center those of you on Zoom. It is an incredible privilege and an honor to join with you today in our Torah study. Today's class is dedicated by Yossi and Ashleen Azoulay for the Refuah shalema, for the speedy recovery of David ben Simona. He should have a speedy recovery and the Torah that we study should be a merit for his quick healing.
01:56
So in this week's parasha, parashas vayechi, we say vayishlach yisroel es yimino, vayosh es esh rosh, ephraim vuhu atzoyer. What happens? Jacob is about to die. He gathers his children, his grandchildren, together. Joseph places his older child by Jacob's right hand and he puts his younger child by Jacob's left hand, so that the older child has the right hand and the more the blessing flows from the right in a much more kind and generous way. Then the left hand is considered judgment and Jacob swaps his hand and Joseph is like what's going on over here? And Jacob's like I know what I'm doing. Okay, I know exactly what I'm doing, but you know, jacob is not someone who is adverse to knowing what jealousy is all about. I mean, if anybody knew the impact of jealousy it would be Jacob, because Jacob had a brother, Asaph, and they didn't exactly get along because Esau was very, very uncomfortable with Yaakov's position. He was very uncomfortable with Yaakov's leadership. He was very uncomfortable with how Yaakov was the recipient of their father's blessing.
03:40
We see the same thing with Yishmael and Yitzchak. They didn't either get along too well. Yishmael, the older son of Abraham, from his concubine Hagar, and Yitzchak from his wife Sarah. Yitzchak was the more prominent, the more respected, the more almost let's call it loved, more loved by Abraham than Yishmael. Yishmael was kicked out.
04:14
So why would Jacob do such a thing? He's blessing his grandchildren. But before we even talk about that, let's just mention something else. If you look at the verse, the verse says by you shall the Jewish people be blessed? By who? Ephraim and Menashe, which is why parents, when they bless their children, they say God should bless you, like Ephraim and Menashe. Why are our blessings to our children? Today? We bless our children. Every Friday night, right before we begin Kiddush, we come back from synagogue, we sing Shalom Aleichem and we bless our children, and we bless our children, and we bless our children with the blessing from Hashem. The three verses First and then, that God should bless you, god should put His countenance on you and God should protect you. Put his countenance on you and God should protect you and all with the precursor of you should be like Ephraim and Manasseh. You should be like the children of Joseph. Now, wouldn't it be more appropriate for that blessing to be? God should bless you like Moses and Aaron. God should bless you like Abraham, isaac and Jacob. No, the blessing of the Jewish people forever should be you should be like Ephraim and Manasseh. What was so unique and so special about Ephraim and Manasseh?
06:01
Sages tell us that Ephraim and Manasseh did not grow up in the ordinary Jewish home, like most children do. Most children. They grow up in a Jewish community. They go to a Jewish day school, they go to the congregation, to a synagogue where they have other Jewish children, to a synagogue where they have other Jewish children. There's an entire environment, an entire neighborhood that assists in the growth of that child. Ephraim and Manasseh did not have that.
06:35
Ephraim and Manasseh grew up in Egypt. You know the only religious Jew that was in Egypt with them, their father Joseph. That's it. Religious Jew that was in Egypt with them, their father Joseph, that's it. And yet our sages tell us that they grew up with stellar character, like a Torah Jew. They were very well-versed in the study of Torah. They were big scholars, notwithstanding the fact that they grew up in Egypt, which was the land of materialism, the land of serving the self, the person. The materialistic desires were being fulfilled in Egypt like no other country in the world, the wealthiest country in the world. Notwithstanding all of the temptation for physical and material success, they abandoned that, ephraim and Manasseh, and demonstrated their commitment to Hashem, notwithstanding the negative influences.
07:37
Therefore, the Torah tells us B'cha Yivarach Yisroel, do you know the blessing for the Jewish people? Because, god knows, there's going to be a time where Jews are going to grow up in the woodlands and in Katy and in Corpus Christi and in El Paso and in Houston, where there may not be such a plethora of Torah classes, there may not be such a robust Jewish community. And what are the children going to do? Always remember Ephraim and Manasseh were just like you, and that's how we bless our children. Be like Ephraim and Manasseh. They withstood the temptation, they overcame it and became the unbelievable leaders that they were. So that's about the blessing.
08:28
But why would Jacob cross his hands? So our sages tell us something which is very, very, very important, and that is the obligation for every parent to know how to educate their child, not children, their child. You know, king Solomon tells us educate your child according to his way, not the parent's way. This is my way, my way, or the highwayo not the parent's way. This is my way, my way, or the highway no, not the parent's way, the child's way. Why? Because every child is unique. Every child is different and a parent needs to recognize, needs to identify the exact method that this specific child needs to be raised, needs to be educated. For one child it's one way, for another child it's another way. No, two children are the same and because every child is unique and every child is gifted in their own special way, educating one child just like another child would be the wrong currency. That's not the right way to do it. The Torah recognizes this, which is why the Torah is telling us Jacob knew exactly what he was doing, he knew exactly who needed what and he's pointing out to us so that we can know for generations and generations. Look how he crossed his hands, giving the child that needed the right hand the right hand and the child that needed the left hand the left hand, because every child needs something unique and every child is special in their own way. A family that produces cookie cutter children may not have children that maximize their potential.
10:46
They say that Thomas Edison came home from school one day and his second grade teacher sent him home with a note and he didn't know how to read yet Maybe he was even younger than second grade and he brings his mother the note. You know, sometimes my children come home. My little baby, she comes home with something clipped to her, to her shirt, so that we can know. You know, this is what she ate today. This is how long she slept today. You know all of the. She was active and she played in this corner and that corner and this project and that project you know. So that's the way they communicate. They clip the.
11:32
So he comes home with that paper in his nap, saying he says mom, this is from my teacher. My teacher said that you should read this. The mother reads it and starts crying. He says mama, why are you crying? He says because the teacher said that you are so gifted with such an incredible mind that the school isn't good enough for you and that you should not go back to school because you're so much more talented than everybody in that class that it's just unfair and you shouldn't be going back to that school, be going back to that school Turned out that many, many, many inventions later and many, many decades later, after his mom passed away and he was going through her notes, he found that note and he read it now as an adult, for the first time.
12:22
And it said on that letter dear Mrs, dear Mrs, your son doesn't have the intelligence needed to succeed in school. Please don't send him back here and look at the sensitivity of a mother to understand the talent of her son, all because she believed in her son. The teachers didn't, the school didn't. They didn't believe in his ability. But the mother knows Chanuch Lenaro Pidarko, his way is, maybe not.
13:04
They say that if Einstein was in school today they would kick him out. Adhd did medicate him up to wazoo. That's not a kid that can succeed in school. Get him out of here, because today we don't know how to look at talent. I will. I'll be honest with you. I'd assume that probably Elon Musk has the most incredible mother in the world, who's patient, who's loving, who's caring, who's giving. That raised a brilliant child. He probably was not an easy child to bring through school, probably smarter than his teachers, probably more creative in his mind.
13:52
Do you know how many people said SpaceX that has produced more in five years, in the last five years, than NASA has produced in 75 years, and hundreds of billions of dollars that they have invested. Do you know who NASA sends, who they piggyback on to send things to the space station SpaceX? Oh, they don't have the rockets to do it, they don't have the ability, they don't have the creativity. And they were laughing oh, this little kid is going to send something to space, yeah, right, and look. And then everyone laughed at him when he was taking on the automotive industry. And the number one selling car in the United States in 2024 was Tesla, and in Europe too, by the way, this one guy who, you know, had an idea.
14:50
We have to allow our children to be unique. We have to allow our children to bring out their specialty, their talents. It's not going to be the ordinary you want ordinary. Perhaps that's not your kid. If parents don't allow for their children to have their uniqueness, to have their individuality, then they're cramping their ability to be great. Some parents are afraid that their children will outshine them.
15:27
My grandfather says in his incredible book on Jewish education where do we have it here? It should have right behind you. Mark that shelf, the green book right in the middle. I want our viewers to be able to see this book. I highly recommend this. It's a very small book. It's Planting and Building, raising a Jewish Child by Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe. It's my grandfather's book Teeny little book $10 book on Amazon. This book is the outline of everything you need to know about education. It's not going to bring about every question in every scenario, but you'll get the foundation, the fundamentals of Jewish education.
16:11
My grandfather writes that the traits that the Mishnah tells us are the worst traits. Make sure you stay away from these traits Arkina jealousy, tava desire and urges, and kavod, the want for honor. My grandfather of blessed memory says in that book these three traits are the worst traits that parents possess. They destroy their children because of these traits. An example so your neighbor's child. You look outside the window and you see your neighbor's child helping their parent empty the car, carry in the groceries. So you look and you think to yourself one second why doesn't my child, why doesn't my child help with bringing in the groceries? I'm jealous of my neighbor. So I start demanding my child when I come home. You better empty out that thing, right, for whatever reason. It might be a good thing for them to do that anyway. But if I'm doing it because the neighbor, maybe that child is more mature, maybe that child, we have no idea. But why are we trying to put what another child is on our child? It's not healthy.
17:37
My neighbor's child sits in synagogue and prays so nicely, so I should do the same. I'm going to demand that my child sit there and pray like a mensch, just like the neighbor's child does. Well, maybe my child needs to play more. Maybe my child is not ready for it. It's going to affect my honor. People are going to say, oh, look at his kid. His kid doesn't sit nicely in synagogue, he's playing outside with the little children. That's an embarrassment to me. So it's my honor, the jealousy, the desire of feeling that I'm successful. I'm going to push my children. I want my child to be a doctor. I want my child to be a lawyer and if all fails he'll be an accountant. And if even that not, he might end up a rabbi. People project either their failures or their desire for their children's success to be up to their standards. My child needs to be. It's not a joke.
18:43
I have a friend of mine who's a doctor. He's actually a pretty good doctor. You know what he told me once, the saddest statement. I've said this before in the past. He said to me I hate my job To be your saving lives. He says I prefer being a garbage man than doing what I'm doing. He's a neurologist. I hate what I do. I said why are you?
19:10
doing this my parents forced me to. I was sad that every day he goes into work, earns a ton of money, earns a ton of money. He doesn't care, he's not happy, he's not fulfilled, why he's not doing what he ever wanted to do. It's tragic. Parents need to be like Jacob. You know what. Sometimes you're going to have to cross your hands and do what's right for this child here and what's right for that child here. It's not just oh, jacob was an elderly man, he didn't see, he didn't know. No, he, jacob, was an elderly man. He didn't see, didn't know. No, he knew exactly what he was doing. He gave each child what they needed.
19:58
It is a very, very, very big topic. When we talk about education. Education is probably the most fundamental, because the education for our children also helps us understand the education we need to have for ourself, for ourselves as individuals. We need to constantly educate ourselves, educate ourselves more in how we live our daily lives, in our character. That's why we have the Musser Mondays where we talk about character development. Yesterday we started a series on anger. What are the pitfalls of anger? How do we control our anger? In the Jewish Inspiration podcast it should be out any day, but the idea here is that we need to educate ourselves, we need to know the right way for our own growth. We want to be like somebody else. Be very careful, don't push yourself to be someone you're not. We have to bring out the uniqueness, the specialty Every person should recognize within themselves. Yes, I am unique, I am special. I have something that nobody else has. I'm not just a number, I'm unique. I'm special. Find that uniqueness.
21:25
I want to share with you that there was a story from a school in Jerusalem where one of the students was having behavioral issues and no teacher can handle the student. This is a true story. No teacher can handle the student. And the student was sent to the principal's office one time, and another time they moved him to a different class. The next teacher sent him to the office again, again, again. They finally were done with all of these classes. You know all the parallel classes and every teacher keeps on sending this kid out because of his behavioral issues.
21:58
The principal finally figured out what to do. He sat down with the student and he said to him I want you to tell me something that you are the best at, better than any other kid in your class. And he said nothing, nothing, I'm not special in anything. He said come on, there's got to be something. Do you run faster? Do you play ball better? Do you play this or that, any game? Anything that you do better than anybody else in your class? The kid is thinking and thinking and thinking. He says, oh, there's something. I can climb the trees faster than anyone else in my class. He says, wow, that's amazing, let's write that down. He wrote it down and he, patiently. The principal sat with the child and found 15 unique talents that this child has 15. And he said to the child every single morning, before you come to school, I want you to pull out this paper, I want you to stand in front of the mirror and I want you to say the 15 things that you are special at. I can climb the tree faster than it. I can run the race track faster than anyone. I can solve a puzzle, a Rubik's cube, whatever it is. I never had behavioral issues from that child. He wanted to be unique.
23:32
See, what parents don't understand is when a child misbehaves, they're not misbehaving, they're calling for attention. I recently was asked in one of my parenting classes what do you do with a child who has a tantrum Throws a tantrum You're in Target. They want a doll. You say no. They throw themselves on the floor, start yelling, kicking and screaming the floor start yelling, kicking and screaming. What are you going to do? What should I do? So I told the parents that children communicate. Crying is communication. A tantrum is an overload of communication. You see, the problem is that if the child is not heard through regular conversation, then they need to start yelling and screaming so that they're heard. And if that doesn't help, what else can I do to get their attention? If I need to throw myself on the floor in middle of Target to get their attention, I'll do that. Child is communicating. We, as parents, our job is to not let it get to the point where they have to throw themselves on the floor or God forbid as adults.
24:54
Sometimes children do things Children I'm talking about people in their teens or people in their 20s or in their 30s. They're still children, but sometimes, if they don't get the proper attention from their parents, they have to resort to unhealthy means to get that attention, and that can be terrible things that are irreversible things that they do to their bodies, sometimes to their lives, to their health, to get the attention that they need. Every single person on planet Earth needs attention. You know they say that the number one cause of death in prison, the number one category of death in prison, are white-collar prisoners. Suicide In prison. You know why. He's not a criminal that murdered someone. He's not a criminal that raped someone. He stole money, he cheated on his taxes White-coll collar crime. Till they went to prison. They had money, they were successful, they were CEO of Enron, they were the finance officer for a big company, and then they were thrown into prison.
26:22
Till that point everybody came to ask for advice, because when you have money, you're very, very wise and everybody seeks your counsel and everybody wants to know your opinion. What do you think? You're so smart, you're so successful, you're so intelligent because a dumb person wouldn't make money right. But you have to be so smart. Suddenly they're in prison and they're not so smart anymore and nobody cares and nobody visits, nobody asks their opinion. They've gone from the top of the mountain to the bottom very fast. That's tragic.
26:57
Every person needs attention. Every person needs attention. Every person wants to feel unique. Nobody wants to be the other and so-and-so. No, we couldn't have done it without you. Everybody wants to feel special and we can make every single person around us our spouse. No woman. You know what a man who's married to two women. You know what the women are called to one another In the Talmud, in the Torah, it's called tsaras. Tsaras means troubles. It's called a tsara, a trouble. You know why? I don't want to be the other one. I want to be the one. A married woman doesn't want to hear about someone's ex or someone's girlfriend. They don't want to be the other. I am your life, I am your everything. Every person wants to feel that way. Oh, you're also okay. No, you're my everything. You're my life. You're the most special child in the world. You're the most talented child in the world. You're the most talented child in the world. And when a child grows up with such a feeling, they can accomplish anything in the world. When a wife feels that way, they'll do anything in the world for their spouse. Every person wants to feel unique. Every person wants to feel special. I'll give you an example. So let's say someone works in a company and they have some female employees and you know, holiday time they buy them flowers or they buy them something special to acknowledge them. And then he comes home, he shows his wife pictures of all the flowers that he gave to the women in his office, or the box of chocolates that he gave. How do you think she feels? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. One second, I also got you flowers. I also got you flowers, and it's the same one that he got to all the other women. So I'm just another one. You know what? You got them regular flowers and you got her special flowers. She'll feel special. She'll feel unique. She doesn't want to be a number. Take a ticket here's feel unique. She doesn't want to be a number. Take a ticket. Here's your number. You're just another one. You're unique. You're special. Every single person wants to feel unique. Every person can be made to feel unique.
29:54
A father came over to me not long ago and he told me my daughter is acting up, she's a teenager and she's not acting up. She's a teenager and she's not cooperating. She's not listening to my wife and I I don't know what to do. I'm out of sorts. I don't know what to do. I said did you ever make her feel special? He says well, I'll tell you the truth. I have a hard time complimenting her. I said well, you have two options you either get comfortable or you lose your daughter. Okay, because she's going to go someplace else to get those compliments. If she cannot feel good from her parent to tell her you're so pretty, you're so funny, you're adorable, you're the smartest, the most beautiful, then where do you think she's going to go? She's going to go to TikTok and she's going to go to Facebook and she's going to go to wherever it goes to get those likes and those hearts, because every person needs to feel appreciated, every person needs to feel loved, every person wants to feel unique. And you know what? I don't mean to get dark, but what do you think the Unabomber wanted? What do you think these people who blow up cars in front of hotels and people who ram people down, what do they want? They want to be unique, they want to be remembered, they want to be special, and this is what they resorted to, because no one thought they were special, no one thought they were unique, no one said you are the greatest in the world and there's no reason that every one of our children shouldn't feel that way. There's no reason that every person shouldn't feel that way and every husband and wife should feel that way.
31:39
Just a little reminder from this week's Parsha Make the people around you feel special Because it will come back tenfold, tenfold as a parent for your children, as a spouse, as a community member. It will make everyone feel more connected. It'll make everyone feel, ah, I'm valued, I'm missed, I'm dear to somebody. That's what Jacob was doing. Jacob was making his knowing exactly who Ephraim and Manasseh were, making them feel special. He knew exactly what each child needed. My dear friends, let's make every person feel special. Let's make our children our relationship, all of our relationships, whoever they may be, not just another good morning. It's so wonderful to see you this morning. Make everyone feel special, have an amazing Shabbos. Yeah, the holistic approach to so? You're asking a great question.
32:57
What do we do to respond to the child who had the tantrum? That's just a symptom. That's not the problem. The problem is the child needs better communication with his parents. I, you know there are parents who will. I actually heard from a great educator. He said when my children scream, I tell them. When you scream, I can't hear you Meaning talk. Let's communicate. But children and all people. If I spoke to you and you listened to me, if I needed something from you and I said, mark, can you help me out here? And you just ignore me. Mark, can you help me out here? It'll get more and more loud because I'm trying to get your attention. But what happens if a child cannot? What tools does a child, three-year-old child, what tools do they have? Yell and kick and scream. That's it, that's it. That's the only tool they have.
34:03
As parents, if we're more attentive to our child, then they won't resort to it. My daughter, my baby daughter, she is, she's adorable, she's adorable. My baby Rivka. She's in school now and she's adorable. She's adorable. My baby, my baby Rivka. So she, she's in school now and she's in preschool and she sees the attitudes of other children and she tries to test them at home. So one day she didn't get what she wanted and she tried for like, like, such a failed attempt at at, at throwing a tantrum-like type of thing, because she saw it and it was so funny. My daughter says to her. She says uh-uh, that's not going to work in this house. Like he's, like my older daughter, who's, you know, 17 years old. She says you should know by now that never works in this family. Like, we don't throw tantrums, that's not.
34:58
You have something, something talk. Your parents are there. Your parents are attentive. Your parents are listening. They're there to communicate. They're there to tell you yes or no. Child can accept a no. They can't accept being ignored. And this is really the fundamental of education Be there with your child. You brought a child into this world. Raise them. Be there with them, take care of them. No parent has a child that they cannot handle. Hashem doesn't test us with material that we cannot deal with. Every single challenge that we face is something that we can overcome. We can overcome, we can't handle it. We just have to find the right tools, the right method.
35:48
I'll give you an example. Okay, my, my son, uh, they just finished their first semester of the year and the report cards, of course, my favorite time of the year, because I personally don't really care about report cards. I care about one thing Tell me that my child is not acting with chutzpah, okay, with disregard to their teacher, with disrespect. If you tell me that they're respectful, I don't care if they're sleeping the entire day putting their head down. I don't care if they don't learn a word. Be respectful of your teachers. That's the one, because they're going to learn from osmosis. They will learn. They'll absorb it at some time or another. But behavioral, that's not acceptable.
36:28
So one of my children I'm looking my wife says okay, we need to have a conversation with this child. You know, call him in and we'll read through the report card. And my wife and I are pointing out mainly my wife, that you know. You realize that this is not acceptable. That's not acceptable. You could be doing so much better. You're so bright, why aren't you excelling in this area? Why aren't you doing that?
36:53
And he's like what? I have a stupid teacher. My teacher doesn't know how to teach the stuff, like you know. I was like whatever. Okay, the first thing I told my child is like don't talk like that about your teacher Ever. I don't care if that's really who they are. You are a little punk child. Okay, you're 11 years old. You have no business talking like that about your teacher. That's number one. No, that about your teacher, that's number one. No, chutzpah Not tolerated.
37:24
Number two you told me that you wanted a jersey of one of your favorite players. My son is an avid football follower and doesn't miss a game of the Texans and he has a certain tank, not a whatever. You call those shirts the jersey that he wanted of a specific player on the Texans. I said I want to buy it for you. But here's the deal I'm going to call your principal and I'm going to tell your principal that we have a deal and if he calls me back in three or four weeks from now and tells me that this behavior is gone, you get that jersey, no questions asked. My son this was two nights ago my son yesterday came over to me. He says I think I'm getting that jersey. Okay, I didn't have to threaten him. I found something that he really wants. So he's motivated.
38:25
Motivate your child, that's what I learned. You can try to threaten them, you're not going to get this and you're not going to get that and you're going to be grounded and I'm going to take this away. It never works. Threatening never works. Even executing doesn't work. Executing Even executing doesn't work. Executing on your threats doesn't work. Motivating does, because I didn't have to persuade him per se, I just motivated him on a jersey. Now he did it on his own and he knows that after a month that's enough time that he gets that bad habit out of his system and I'll see the improvement in every area.
39:10
So again we can fight with our children all we want. We're not going to win. We're never going to win that battle. We have to be like Joseph, who recognized the strength of Ephraim and Manasseh. We're never going to win that battle. We have to be like Joseph, who recognized the strength of Ephraim and Manasseh and raised them, even though he was in Egypt with such terrible influences. Raised them to be God-fearing Jews, scholars, righteous people. And Jacob realized their strengths. He knew them as individuals, their uniqueness, and he knew what every child needed. Hashem should bless us all. We should be successful in this.
39:45 - Intro/Outro (Announcement)
You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.