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The Man On FIRE Podcast is your #1 trusted resource for learning to grow and become the Man and King you were born to be. You’ll hear directly from David Mehler as he provides tools, tips, and strategies for your business, relationship, body, heart, and mindset. This is a must-listen for the man that is ready to rise into his passion, power, and purpose, and live into his full potential!
Learn more at www.manonfirerising.com.
You can never get what you want
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[00:00:00]
[00:00:00] David Mehler: It is Your Man on Fire Mentor David Mehler it has been a while since I've connected to my fellow brothers, so it is always an honor and it is a privilege to be here with you guys. So let's dive into today's hot topic and what is this topic that I wanna dive into?
[00:00:17] It's what is it that men really, really want? And why is it that they don't have it? What do men really want and why is it that most, most likely will never have it? Well, a lot of men will say, I just want to be happy. A lot of men will say, I just wanna make lots of money, have a nice car, have a great relationship, have healthy children.
[00:00:46] And then there's a lot of men when you ask them what is it that they want? It is the deer in the headlights. They look at you as though you're a stranger or a ghost. Most of us [00:01:00] fall into this hypnotic state of being the hamster on the wheel where we wake up each and every day, and we don't necessarily have a vision.
[00:01:08] We don't necessarily have a purpose, and we're kind of just going through the motions of life. And so if you're not clear, if you don't have clarity on what it is that you truly want, How can you have it if you don't even know what that looks like? And so the first thing you want to consider as a man is what is it that you really want?
[00:01:30] And then the question I have for you, when you start to go down that road of consideration is, how big are you willing to dream? As Muhammad Ali had shared, if your dreams don't scare the you know what out of you, then they're probably not big enough. See, as children, we dreamed I wanna be an astronaut. I wanna be a cowboy, I wanna be an Indian, I want to be a fireman.
[00:01:52] Whatever it was, we had dreams until the world, your parents, the school system who tells everyone that's a certain height. You can't play [00:02:00] basketball, you can't play football. And thank God some of us don't listen to those that are putting a cap, putting a limit, putting a ceiling on what's possible for us.
[00:02:08] Because if your mind cannot conceive it, how the hell are you supposed to achieve it? And unfortunately, there are too many people trying to shoot down your dreams. So don't be on that list. Don't contribute to downsizing the bigness of what you're capable of and the potential that you could live into and in the Man on Fire World.
[00:02:27] For those of you that don't know me, I'm David Mailer, the Man on Fire, founder, the developer of Man On Fire. We've been around for about 10 years now. We're helping men rise with more passion, with more power, and live a life deeply on purpose and of deep meaning. Why we're here to grow as men, we're here to raise our consciousness.
[00:02:46] We're here to tap into and touch and live into our full potential. And in doing so, take on greater levels of service to humanity, starting with our family, and then allowing that to trickle out as [00:03:00] wide as possible for yourself. So you have to have a vision for your life, and I'll be the last person in the world to ever put a limitation on what's possible for a man.
[00:03:11] My gift is that I see who you really are. My gift is that I see the extraordinary that lives inside of you. For many of you, it's dormant. For many of you, it hides be, uh, behind the demise, behind the mask, or masquerading of complacency, of blandness, of ordinary, of average, of fair. But I see past the smokescreen.
[00:03:36] I see into who a man really is, and I know that you're built for amazing. I know you're built for extraordinary. I know you're built to have a phenomenal life. Maybe you forgot. Maybe you've bought into the limitations in your mind. Maybe you occasionally need to be shook and woken up and get that fire burning again.
[00:03:57] That passion burning again, [00:04:00] coming into the remembrance of who you really are. So what is it that most men really want? Well, most men don't even know what they want, so we've already established that. So dream big and recognize no one can take your dreams from you but you, no one deserves to downsize your dreams, and you must claim your power in not giving that away to anybody.
[00:04:25] You must put your sword in the ground. You must declare what you're capable of, what's possible, and don't you dare put a limitation on what you can create in this world. Don't you dare limit the possibilities and in a Man on fire world, for those of you that have already come in, you're in one of our coaching programs, you know that you're gonna get the support, you're gonna get the challenge.
[00:04:49] You're going to be held accountable to the greatness that's inside of you. Where does that show up? Well, it shows up in your marriage, shows up in the, the glisten, the [00:05:00] gleam, the radiance, the sparkle, the twinkle in your wife and your kids' eyes when they're looking at their daddy and she's looking at her husband and saying, there he is.
[00:05:10] There's my masculine leader. There's my man. That's the guy I married. That's the guy that found his inner fire. So, Something for you men to consider when you're looking at, well, what is it that I truly want and why? Most men will never have it. It's as simple as this, if we really break your life down in the most simplistic way, I feel strongly having worked with well over 10,000 men in the past 20 years, I feel very strongly that we most likely want the same thing as men.
[00:05:47] And what is it that we want? We wanna make sure that our last breath is one of victory, is one of, triumph, is one of, [00:06:00] celebration is one of rapture and awe, one of freedom and fulfillment. Knowing I did it. Did what I gave. I loved, I served with every ounce of my being. I left it all on the field, the field of life.
[00:06:22] I gave everything I had, and I left nothing, nothing
[00:06:28] uncovered and unpacked. I opened it all up. I gave the fullness of who I am. I gave my heart. I gave my love. I gave my service. And I'm proud of this life that I've lived. I didn't waste my potential. I didn't live in the world of what ifs. I didn't live in the world of someday or one day. I didn't live in the world of complacency and stagnation and stuck, and depression and fear and anxiety.
[00:06:57] And please understand, I'm not knocking [00:07:00] or mocking, poking fun at any, any man that goes through those feelings. I empathize with you tremendously, and I'll be the first to remind you it's not who you are. Not downsizing the severity of what any man has been through in their life, from physical to emotional, to mental, to spiritual, to sexual trauma.
[00:07:21] Not here to downsize any of that, but I am here to remind you of who you are. So what is it that a man truly wants? He wants to make sure that that last breath.
[00:07:32] Is not one of regret. I repeat, not one of regret. No man wants to bow out in shame and guilt. No man wants to have the two twin brothers on his shoulders.
[00:07:46] No man wants to know. I sold myself. My soul, my family, my wife, my kids, my ex-wife, my friends, and humanity, short of who I am. [00:08:00] Now, this is not for you to punish yourself. This is not so you can go further into your shame and guilt around this. This is your wake up call. There's more inside of you. You are encoded with the blueprint of living as an awakened masculine leader.
[00:08:16] With your heart fully available, you've moved from your head courageously down into your heart. You've made that journey. You're intuitively guided. You're connected above. You trust your gut. You're in your power. You're rooted and sturdy and steady, and can't be swayed. You know who you are. You're a man on fire.
[00:08:40] So we all want the same thing. I don't want to die one day with regret. Well, then why is it that most men will never have what they want? Why is it? And the simple answer, because I like to keep things simple, is[00:09:00] fear. And what is it that can offset or combat or do away with or dance with? Or bust through or overcome.
[00:09:10] Fear is this emotion that we call courage. See, when I look back on my life, anything that I have a little bit of regret over or guilt or shame or unworthiness or unlovable around, or I sold myself short and I sold somebody else short and I hurt myself and I hurt them, what's the one emotion that I wish I had more of in that moment?
[00:09:33] Courage. Most men lack courage or lack the ability to tap into or cultivate or build or grow courage so that they make decisions that are more empowered, more inspired, less from their ego, less from the temporary fix, the Magical Genie, potion, lotion, pill. Most men want the quick out. They [00:10:00] want the shortcut to grandma's house.
[00:10:01] They're not willing to be in the grind. They're not willing to do the work. They're not willing to roll up their sleeves and get dirty. They're not willing to have mud all over them. They're not willing to tap into that primal energy and claim their courage and wake up to the remembrance of who they truly are.
[00:10:16] Now, they wanna handed to them. They wanna point fingers and blame and name and shame and judge, and project and blame everything outside of you as to why your life is the way it is. From your ex to your current, to your kids, to the economy, to covid, you name it, we have all these reasons and all of it's an excuse.
[00:10:35] All of it's a lie. All of it's a justification because why men don't ultimately have what they truly want, and we all want the same thing we've just established. I don't want to die with regret. I wanna leave it all on the field. I wanna give love and serve with every ounce of my being. And I wanna know that whatever gifts were given to me, that I fulfilled those gifts, I lived into them, and that's the freedom that I'm seeking.
[00:10:58] So why don't we have it? [00:11:00] Why don't so many men have that on their last breath? Well, most likely they didn't commit to a life of growth. What does that mean? Well, a lot of us try to accomplish, we try to build, we try to conquer. We want the awards, the trophies, the plaques, the money, the homes, the cars, the watches, the women.
[00:11:20] That's all to meet the need of significance so you can feel like you're enough. That will never work. Most men will wake up to the reality. You've spent your entire life trying to get away from feeling like you're not good enough, feeling like a nobody feeling like a zero. Nobody wants to feel those feelings.
[00:11:38] So you have a world that offers you the quick fix the way out. Here you go, take this pill here you go smoke this. Here you go, chew this. Here you go, drink this. Here you go. Scroll through social media, go to the massage parlors. In the strip clubs, have the affairs. We got all these ways out of pain, so nobody wants to turn [00:12:00] around and face their stuff, but it's the stuff that you need to face.
[00:12:03] That's where the energy is. That's where the fuel is. That's where everything lives for you to grab and use that as leverage to move forward. But most of us are busy running away from rather than turning around and facing, well, how do you do that courage? How do you do that support? How do you do that challenge?
[00:12:21] How do you do that? Accountability, being in a community, being in a culture of other men that will tolerate and won't let you get away with this crap.
[00:12:29] So you have courage. And then there's some men that will run away into the world of spirituality 'cause they don't wanna face, they don't wanna feel, they don't wanna look at. So we got this culture that supports us in not diving into the stuff we don't wanna feel. With all the forms of pain management and distraction and vices.
[00:12:47] We've got the world of spirituality that we could run to try to get away from feeling like we're not good enough and it never works. 'cause we still have the mirror that we have to face. And everywhere you go, there you are. [00:13:00] And most men, when they're honest about it, there's the image you wanna sell to the world.
[00:13:03] And then there's the image that's reflected back in the mirror. And for many men, if they're honest, they'd say, I feel shame. I feel unworthy. I feel like a fraud. I feel like a phony. I feel like a fake. Nobody wants to live that way. I So you can't build enough and do enough in order for you to finally feel like you're enough.
[00:13:22] That doesn't work Otherwise. Millionaires and billionaires would never consider ending or taking their life. Which is what happens. Can't tell you how many men we've supported in having a healthier way. That's horrible feeling, being told by the culture. If I do this and this and this and this and i.my i's and I cross my T's and I get married and I have the kids and I have the house, and I have the second house, and I have the nice watches, I have the nice cards, I have all the money that I could possibly want.
[00:13:51] I'll finally be happy. And they wake up one day, they go, uhoh, I'm not happy. Now what? I followed the rules. Where's my happiness? Where's my [00:14:00] joy that I was promised? This is a spiritual dilemma. They're at a spiritual crossroad. They're at a fork in the road. Most men go back to sleep. They don't know how to deal with this, so they're told they're depressed or they're anxious, and then they have to swallow pills, not poking fun at or judging anyone that goes that route.
[00:14:20] But at some point in time, you'll have to develop the fortitude, the safety, right, the safety to look at what you keep trying to get away from. And the simple antidote is you must eventually choose a life of growth. A life of growth where you're growing because it's a standard set by your soul. You're not growing so that you could finally feel like you are enough.
[00:14:41] You're growing because it's who you were born to be. It's your contract with your creator. That you came here to fulfill the prophecy of living into your potential, of giving everything inside of you to the world. Because when you grow, which is in need of your soul, you're then ready to be of [00:15:00] service.
[00:15:00] Selfless service has nothing to do with you. You want no credit. You don't need recognition. It's not for significance. It's not for hidden significance. You do it because it lights up your heart to see other people's hearts lit up as well. This is who we are as men. So why do most men not have what they want?
[00:15:20] They're asleep to this reality. No one told them the truth. No one told them that making millions and having the woman that you want and having the homes and the kids, no one told them that won't fill you,
[00:15:36] that will wake you up to something is still missing. And then what? That's where the pain is. Because you thought, if I have all these things that are external to me, I'll finally feel like I'm enough. And the truth is nothing outside of you can fill that void. Your journey here as a man is to fill that void on your own.
[00:15:56] So you cut the cords of codependency. You're not dependent on [00:16:00] anything or anyone. And this has nothing to do with the relationship that you choose to have naturally with your creator. Um, in full respect of all religions and all faith. And that is absolutely a necessary part of the equation, but you can't rely on outside things to fill your emptiness.
[00:16:18] It won't work. Where it begins is in your recognition that it's time to get to work. It's time to grow. It's time to be the leader. It's time to live with an open heart. It's time for you to be a man on fire. So for those of you that wanna know the most simple way of living a life on this path, find the right leader, find the right mentor, find the right community that can support you in this journey.
[00:16:47] Get visible, get vulnerable, get real, get raw, get exposed. Be open. Let go. Have faith.
[00:16:56] Be vulnerable enough to ask for help. Reach your handout and [00:17:00] ask for help. Ask for support. There's so many beautiful communities out there that your soul is searching for. Open up your eyes, open up your mind. Open up your heart, and allow yourself to be served at this level knowing that you deserve it.
[00:17:16] It. And for those that feel that man on fire may be that next best step for you where you wanna explore one of our coaching programs, great. We'd love to explore if and how we might be able to serve you. And if you already have a community, great. If you need another community and you're not fully resonating with who I am or the message behind Man on Fire, then please have the courage to go seek out support elsewhere.
[00:17:41] Don't try to do it alone. Do it in a community. Gentlemen here is to you rising with passion, with power, and with purpose. It is your Man on Fire, mentor David Mehler. I love each and every one of you, and I believe in you.