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You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Welcome back to the Dad Tired podcast, in case you're brand new to this ministry and are wondering what we're all about. You can probably hear in the background, my 2-year-old protesting her nap, and so that gives you kind of an idea of what we're all about. We are a bunch of tired dads. I can hear her screaming so distracting.
I'm not a bad dad, she's just, I'm just really trying to get her to cry it out a little bit so she can put herself to sleep, learn how to soothe herself. That's an important part of, uh, parenting. Anyway, that's a. We are a group of tired dads who are trying to figure out what it looks like to lead our family well.
We wanna love Jesus and help our families do the same. If that sounds like something you're interested in, we would love to have you be part of our community. Just subscribe to this podcast, jump over to dad tire.com. I do wanna thank my friends over at Dwell differently for sponsoring today's episode and before I tell you a little bit about them, if you haven't heard about them already.
It's hard to find brands that align with our mission and our values. Uh, I spend too much time, a ridiculous amount of time trying to find brands that will sponsor this episode. It's a big part of how we can keep going that and your guys' donation. So if you want to be a part of this community and it's valuable to you, if you want to chip in a couple bucks a month, it helps us a ton.
You can do that by going to dad tire.com, but another way that we support the ministry. Is we're a nonprofit, by the way. So another way that we support the ministry is by finding brands that believe in what we're doing and who can champion Dads trying to lead their family well and who will sponsor the episode.
And most people, most brands will say no because it's just, we're too quote unquote jesusy for them to Christian for them, and they don't wanna, uh, align with us or partner with us. And so it's really hard to find brands that have those same values. So that being said, number one, you should. Really support the brands that do 'cause it just means that they're aligned.
They believe in this ministry, they believe in you as a dad and they want to support you in uh, some way. And so anyway, dwell Differently is a brand that is, fits that category. I absolutely love what they do. They're big fans of Dads Hired. I'm big fans of them. They help families. They help people memorize scripture in really practical ways.
What they do is they'll send you either a little temporary tattoos or stickers that you can put on anything. If they're tattoos, obviously you can put them anywhere. Our kids are always look like they're all tatted up with these temporary tattoos. Or if you got stickers, you can throw the stickers on anything.
But the goal is that you would constantly see these verses each month, and you would together as a family, memorize scripture. So they put the first letter of every word in the verse with some cool graphic that. Ties into that verse, and if you have a temporary tattoo, then just all week long you're looking at that.
Your kids are looking at that, and together you're memorizing scripture. It's a very easy way for you as a dad to just practically lead your family. Like it doesn't take you a lot of thinking. Just grab the temporary tattoos, put 'em on you or stickers, put 'em on you, put 'em on your mirrors, put 'em on your kids' stuff, water bottles, whatever, backpacks, and together as a family, just talk about.
Here's the verse, here's what it means. Here's what God's trying to teach us. And together let's memorize this so we can meditate and, uh, have God's word written on our hearts, as the scriptures would say. So anyway, I love what they're doing. If you go to dwell differently.com, you can use the promo code.
Dad tired. They'll give you a discount, but just support them, man. They're, they're an amazing ministry trying to help families. They believe in what we're doing. I believe in what they're doing. And so, um, yeah, go to dwell differently.com. Use the promo code Dad Tire, get yourself a discount. But. Start memorizing scripture together as a family.
That being said, let's jump into today's episode.
I walked in the door the other night and my wife was giving me the play by play on what happened that day. We have six kids, so it's pretty normal to get the, here's what went down. She was telling me that one of our kids had a particularly bad day, and that kid in the middle of a kind of temper tantrum.
Spewed a complaint about me. So I'm walking in the door, you know, my head's kind of spinning with all the things going on, and it totally put me on my heels that one of my kids had a complaint. Uh, especially because I wasn't even around. I had nothing to do with anything that happened. And I told my wife, I said, um, well, at least I showed up, which is sometimes my, my pushback because my biological dad, uh.
Walked out when I was real young and I didn't meet him until I was an adult. Really. I mean, so sometimes I'll say that kind of jokingly laugh things off. At least I showed up to the game, man, I'm batting a thousand. I got ready for bed and I was laying in bed and trying to fall asleep, but talking to the Lord and the complaint kind of stuck me.
I was kind of tossing and turn in and few men and. Spewing all my frustration and I was talking to the Lord at the same time, which is appropriate by the way. And I was kind of saying, man, at least, I mean, if my kids only knew what it was like to, to have your dad walk out and what that feels like, and I feel like I'm being nitpicked.
And as I laid there for a while, the scripture came to mind that I quote to our church so often in the Galatians two 20 for I've been crucified with Christ. It's no longer I who lives. But it's Christ who lives in me, and I felt the Lord kind of probing me that. Showing up and in my mind, sometimes presence is enough.
I'm here. I'm, I'm here. I'm ready to talk. It's not just presence, but God's looking for us to be fathers who are, who are present and presently crucified, that we are presently dying to the flesh, willing to have hard conversations, own our sin, and repent. There's a need in the Christian life, especially as it pertains to parenting for crucifixion.
So in Galatians two, we get this, this play down, this confrontation that's really fascinating. It's the apostle Paul is sitting with Peter and having a big meal with a church, and Paul says that Peter was sitting with some Gentiles eating. Enjoying fellowship. And after some time, some Jews from Jerusalem showed up.
Sometimes in scholarship today they refer to 'em as Judaizers or these, this group of believers in the Messiah who were teaching that Gentiles couldn't really be saved unless they first embraced Mosaic law or unless they first were circumcised. And so the teaching of these Jews who showed up was that the Gentiles that Peter were, was eating with, they weren't real Christians.
Not until they, they had been circumcised and they were unclean. And so Peter's having fellowship enjoying himself until, until the kind of peer pressure of the Judaizer shows up. And Paul says that Peter gets up and he walks away and immediately Paul confronts Peter publicly. We get the Matthew 18 thing, you know, we should go to a brother privately and uh, kind of air out our grievances one-on-one.
But I think there's a time and a place script, truly speaking, when there's a public matter for public confrontation. And so Paul just kind of publicly calls Peter out and he says, Peter, if you a Jew live like a Gentile, how can you expect these Gentiles to live like Jews? In other words, Paul is saying, Peter, you don't even follow a law.
How are you gonna put the pressure of, of falling law on Gentiles in order to be Christians? You're being a coward and you're bowing down to kind of peer pressure, the intimidation factor of the religious elite. And so it's a fascinating confrontation to think about because Peter's kind of the chief apostle man, he's the guy.
And Paul came to the party late and, and Paul, definitely you can build a case scripturally. There are times in Paul's ministry where he is having to defend his apostleship because some look at him as being a less than apostle because he didn't walk with Jesus throughout his lifetime. And so this apostle has to defend his apostleship.
Paul, though less than apostle, stands up and rebukes Peter face to face for Peter's compromise. Now that's a, that's a great. Moment to see conflict, to see frustration, to see in Paul crucifixion. There's just something in Paul that he does not care about the opinion of the Judaizers. He's not concerned with ruffling Peter's feathers.
He's not concerned with his own pleasure or the fact that if he, he, he kind of snuck up to these guys nicely, maybe he could be the end crowd. The only thing. Paul is concerned with is the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I think this is a good example of what it means to show up crucified, right?
Like we see Paul in this moment of turmoil and conflict just totally abandoned to the gospel of Jesus. And if I could say it this way, I think so many of us, we show up to the soccer games, right? Like we're at the events, we're present, but I think we need to be present full of the spirit, crucified to the flesh and full of God.
And it's right after this that Paul slides into in Galatians two 20. I've been crucified with Christ. It's no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. To be crucified with Christ re requires at some point in your life that you really go to Gethsemane. And I think Little Arabia used to talk about this a lot, the idea of being crucified with Christ.
That, that there's no such thing as a dead man with ego and, and guys, I just see so much ego in the church today. I see so much arrogance in the church today. There's no such thing as a crucified man who lives. Selfish with selfish ambition. There's no such thing as a crucified man who lives the entirety of his life with one gain, and that gain being financial prosperity.
Like dead men don't crave money. Yeah, but we haven't learned crucifixion and we sure haven't learned to go to Gethsemane. And I think when you ponder Gethsemane for a while and the idea that that Jesus there, he's, he's sweating great drops of blood. This is actually a medical condition that's interesting.
If you look into some physicians say that when a body is under fight or flight for too long, it will begin to. To sweat, blood veins will begin to kind of rupture. And so the idea is that Jesus in the natural knows that he's getting ready for a violent, brutal death. But Jesus, he upholds or he lives under the stress of fight or flight long enough in prayer.
He lays there knowing that his body is about to be torn to shreds and he prays. Father, take this cup from me. But he comes to the conclusion, nevertheless, not my will, but your will be done. There are just times in your Christian life where you get to the place where men, my flesh wants comfort for me in this moment, man, God, I want my kids to honor me and appreciate me and not nitpick me, but what I want really doesn't matter.
What does God want? What does Christ want to manifest through me? And so I take that desire to Gethsemane and I roll and I wrestle with God in prayer, and I air out all of my frustrations, and then I come to the conclusion, you have to come to the conclusion, nevertheless, not my will, but your will be done.
Why guys do we lack humility? Because we don't go to Gethsemane, we haven't endured the idea of really allowing the spirit, Romans eight, to crucify the flesh, to mortify the flesh by the spirit, put to death the flesh, and you'll live. But we live in a society and we live in a culture that kind of Patty kicks us and we build our entire lives around what is comfortable for my flesh Man, it's time to embrace fasting.
It's time to embrace prayer. It's time to embrace a diligent study of the scripture and by God, it's time to embrace crucifixion to our kids, witness in us crucifixion. Now, from there, we get asked the question. Practically, how do we attain this position? Like if we wanted to just be purely pragmatic.
Purely practical, what are the steps to embracing a crucified life? One man, I, I just. I don't know any shortcuts to growing and discipleship. I don't have shortcuts to looking more like Jesus quickly. The first thing I would say is that you've got to embrace a daily prayer life. You've gotta get in the presence of God and live in the presence of God.
And there again. It can't be guys. We rushed through everything. We're very rushed people. It can't be three minutes before work in the car, and, and that's great if that's where you are. I'm, I'm not trying to condemn, but we've gotta get to the place in Christian maturity where we learn to wait on the Lord.
Where you give yourself enough time to get in the presence of the Lord, to chew on scripture and to kind of put yourself on the altar, you need time to be on the altar in the presence of the Lord. And we have to pray in our prayer life. I pray the Lord's prayer often. I teach the Lord's Prayer when you pray.
Father, forgive me for my transgressions, for my trespasses. We've gotta pray every day. Lord, expose the things in me that are wicked and would you crucify them? Now, not only wash me or, or cleanse me of my transgressions, but kill the root of sin in me. I think that's one of the great shallowness of modern Western Christianity is that.
We love the washing that comes with the blood of the lamb. And man, we really should like, there's nothing like being washed with the blood of the lamb, but the gospel message is not only that he washes us, but that throughout our lives he makes us holy, or he sanctifies us, cleanses us. And so we need the washing of the lamb.
By God we need it, but we desperately need the spirit's ministry to convict us of sin and kill sin in us. And you can't get there without serious time before the Lord, without waiting on the Lord. And I get that prayer can feel a boring prayer, can feel like sometimes we call it waiting through peanut butter, like we're just not getting anywhere.
I get all those feelings, man. Learn to wait anyway. Learn to just be in his presence. And you've gotta make that a discipline, a regular discipline. You just can't learn to be like Jesus until you're with Jesus regularly. And obviously when we're with Jesus in his presence that you, you need to be with him, with his word open and chewing on the scripture and meditating on it.
And I would just say this, man, we've gotta learn to not just read our Bible. We need to let our Bible read us. Read it against yourself. Read Galatians two 20 and ask yourself, can I say with Paul, I'm crucified? Is this truth true in me? Do you allow the scriptures to read you, to challenge you? This Christian life is not one of of purely trying to affirm all of your aspirations.
This is about transformation, man. And so one, we've gotta be in the presence of the Lord a lot more. Two, we've gotta read scripture, chew on scripture, but we need to read scripture against ourselves. I, we're in a big season of fasting right now as a church. We're in a big, fast, probably sound tired, but we need to embrace some regular.
Pattern of fasting. It just was a part of Jesus' life. It was a part of the apostle's life, man. When Paul and Barnabas were appointed as apostles, the scripture says that the church fasted and prayed. Uh, fasting was a, was a central part of early church history. And there is something about fasting. There's a mystery there, no doubt.
But there's something about fasting that chokes out our flesh that allows our spirit man to rise to the surface. As I'm recording, we're on day 10 of our extended fast, and man, I get to day about six or seven and I always start thinking, I hate fasting. I never wanna do this again. Uh, but then I get about six months down the road and, um, start to feel a little fleshy and I'll, I'll just feel the spirit prick.
And every time I'll say, man, I really need to fast. I have got to kind of starve out my flesh again. And so fasting is just. A very biblical tradition. It's a very biblical concept, early church concept that we need to embrace. But these concepts require that you acknowledge that you have flesh. The idea of being crucified means I'm taking my flesh to the altar.
I'm taking my wants, my desires, my selfishness, my ambition, my arrogance. I'm taking it to the altar and I'm offering it Lord to you. Would you kill it? And we need a revelation or an understanding of the truth, that there's a divide in the Christian life. There are two paths to take. Paul lays us out in Galatians five and six that we're either going to be people of the spirit who keep in step with the spirit, who walk in the spirit and bear the fruits of the spirit, or we are going to be a people of the flesh.
And while we are people of the flesh. All we can produce is iniquity and wickedness. I don't wanna a parent in the flesh. I wanna parent in the spirit. I wanna raise my kids as a crucified man filled with the spirit. I want them to eat of the fruit of the spirit in my life. But our theological understanding has to grasp that there's a very, very simple, pragmatic truth that your daily life requires a commitment to death, to not living for you, to not living your life with hopes of satisfying all your carnal desires.
Not life's not about you fulfilling your sexual desires, man, kill that. Life's not about you making more money or keeping up with the Joneses. Kill that man. When that rises up in in us, when we start to feel like I need more things, then I just challenge you. Give a little more to missions. Kill it. Give a little more to the poor.
We combat the flesh with the spirit by walking in the spirit. Practically again, we need to wait in the Lord's presence. We need to meditate on the scripture, read it against us, and we need to embrace some form of systematic fasting. And we need to live aware of the great divide of the spirit and the flesh.
And God is challenging me right now to not just be a present dad, but to be a, a crucified present dad, to manifest Jesus to my kids and for them to see the fullness of the abundant life that comes when you're totally enamored with Christ, just fully in love with the Lamb of God. And man, I have no joy. I have no peace.
I have no fulfillment outside of knowing him and friendship, knowing him, and communion. I want my kids to taste and see the goodness of God in my life and to be drawn in. But just showing up to the soccer games is not enough. That's bottom level parenting. We've gotta show up and we've gotta show up crucified, ready to serve, ready to love.
Ready to bow in humility and care for the outcast. So I'll kind of leave you with this thought, and I guess this is the thought the word's been jostling me with, do your kids have a good father, culturally speaking? Would your kids say, man, my dad was a good man. He worked hard, he provided for us. He was generally kind.
Or do your kids have a crucified father? And where your kids one day when they lay you in the dirt, say that man lived fully for Jesus. That man had one aim that the glory of God be known in the earth. And I'm just at the place in my living and my parenting and my pastoring that, that I want to transition from simply being a good man, culturally speaking.
Right. I got no record. I'm living above the table here. I wanna transition fully into being a surrendered man, a man of daily sacrifice, Romans 12 that I, I'm a living sacrifice, offering my body as worship to God. I want, and I want my kids to say that man was crucified. That man loved Jesus with all he had.
And that, that guys, I think that is what's gonna transform our, our kids' lives. And I think embracing these truths and, and dying to ourselves and really allowing Christ to be manifest through us, abandoning our own selfishness, I think these things are transformative. But we've gotta be willing to walk in conflict.
We've gotta be willing to have hard conversations. You've gotta be willing to, to be nitpicked at time and just own it. Just own your sin. But I think if we do these things, Christ will be magnified in us.
Hey guys, hope that episode was helpful for you on your journey of becoming more like Jesus and helping your family do the same. Caleb and I are actually gonna be teaching together at the Dad's hard retreat, so if you haven't signed up for that, there are only a few spots left and we'd love to have you be part of it.
If you go to dad tire.com and just click the annual retreat tab, you can get signed up before it's too late. I love you guys and I'll see you next week.