Jeni (00:00)
Hi everyone, I'm Jeni Barcellos and I'm joined with my co-host Sandy Connery. Hey Sandy. Today we're talking about women and money again.
Sandy (00:05)
Hey Jeni, hi everybody.
I love it though. I love, love, love this series. It's been so inspiring to listen to women and I just want to keep going.
Jeni (00:18)
I think we might. Yeah, well, so this episode today is really about mindset. So one thing that's happened since we've started airing these episodes is the feedback that we've received. So many people have been moved in one way or another to either share their story with us or to reach out and thank us for sharing ours or to comment on the different interviews that we've been having in this lineage. And what's become really clear to us over the past month or so has just
Ben, there are a series of mindset shifts that I think are helpful to take on if you want to find success as an entrepreneur. And these are shifts that we've had to make ourselves and that we've worked with our clients to make over time as well. And we just wanted to kind of riff on them a bit in the podcast today. There are four, I think we're going to talk about four different mindset shifts or mindset issues that we see popping up over and over again in our inboxes and on social.
You know, instead of just having these conversations one on one, I think it's important publicly to have the conversations in our community here and online because these are the same conversations. Like we're all having the same fears and doubts and self-sabotage running in our minds. And so rather than pretend like the problem is only yours or mine, let's just collectively air these issues so that we can start as a community to move past them.
Sandy (01:37)
also heard from our Inner Circle members that they never actually thought about their money stories, which is so interesting. Like here they are trying to make business and they're like, wait a second, I don't actually know what my background, my beliefs are. And so it's opened up, as you said, so many conversations. So it's really, really exciting. And I think part of why I'm just loving this series is just the feedback that we're getting is so cool. All right. First one, Jeni is the upper limit problem.
Jeni (02:04)
Okay, so we have talked about this in an episode long, long ago, and I don't remember which one, but you can go listen to all of our episodes and you'll find it. And it was taken from the book, The Big Leap by Guy Hendrix, Gay Hendrix? Gay. Gay Hendrix, not Guy Hendrix. Sorry, Mr. Hendrix for the butchering of your first name. But it's essentially this idea that whatever we surround ourselves with,
defines the limitations that we naturally have on our success, right? So what you grew up around and what you surround yourself around as an adult is going to sort of define the container that you fit in. And so we're basically building these false upper limits or false glass ceilings for ourselves without trying to, and it's not useful. And so that book is well worth a read. I think that I should read that book every six to 12 months.
Sandy (02:54)
those books. It's one of those classic books. It's like coloring, like always coloring within the lines. And then the moment that you go outside, people are like, no, no, stay within the lines, right? Because you feel like you don't fit in. There's no definition for this new version of you. If you expand beyond what is known, whether that's just in your mind or your family's mind. And there was this comment, Jeni, in our inner circle, one of the threads in the community. And someone said, after listening to our first episode about our money stories, she said,
I realized I'm setting ordinary goals. And I thought that is first of all, a great understanding of what is happening in her own mind. But it's like, how many of us out there are just setting ordinary goals, which I think is the same thing as, as Gay Hendrix describes as, as, know, staying out of the upper limits, like staying within your limits. And so like this idea of like just an ordinary goal, it's like safe. It's, know, like no one's going to be talking about it if I reach it. It's just,
doable, it's just ordinary. And I want people to listen to these episodes and feel like they can do something extraordinary and that we're not okay with ordinary and that ordinary is every day and ordinary is easy and there's no, you know, room for fear if it's ordinary. And I think that's part of the reason we stay within our limits is that it's scary to go outside, just scary to go where no one else has gone before.
It's scary to go where no one else has gone before because there's no examples.
Jeni (04:25)
Absolutely. We also just had a separate side conversation about gratitude that I think for me relates to this idea. Because when I was younger, I didn't have a natural upper limit problem. And I think that as children, we don't. You ask a little child what they want to be when they grow up and they say an astronaut or the president or the prime minister or a deep sea diver with sharks or whatever it is that they're dreaming of becoming. And there's no upper limit problem. They don't self limit their goals and their dreams.
And when I was little, I wanted to be an environmental lawyer. I wanted to go to Stanford. I didn't go to Stanford. I went somewhere else, like equally as good of a school, go Bears. And then I just realized I looked around at my life and I have that. Like I became an environmental lawyer and I live in this like beautiful, amazing remote island. Like I built the life and then I decided to become, wanted to become an entrepreneur and I did all the things. And I think because
Some part of me is still very deeply connected to that little girl that had these dreams that I just refused to self-impose the limits in that area. I have lots of other ways that I've self-limited myself. But I think that if you are one of those people in your career that is suffering from this upper limit problem, which we all do at times, I think that one easy trick to think about for getting out of those limits is to think about what you wanted when you were little.
And that's why think a lot of coaches help you walk through thinking back and remembering who you were before you decided to put limits on yourself.
Sandy (05:58)
I think
for this, it's really helpful to look at the past money beliefs. Like, what did you learn as a child? Like, what were you told? Because I think a lot of people end up making the same amount as their parents. Or if like they make a hundred thousand, then hundred thousand is my limit. you know, if you had heard phrases like, you're never going to make that kind of money, like as a beautiful car goes by and you're like, I want that car. And your parents say, you'll never make that kind of money. That's all part of this past money beliefs. And so to look at those,
is a really interesting exercise to just start writing everything that you can remember about learning about money as a child. And I think you'll see that we all have these limits. Maybe Jeni is the exception, but it's like, we've been told we saw things, we witnessed things, we heard things, we were told things and it's like we believe them. And it's our job today to break out of these ordinary goals. Like let's set big scary goals. And we're going to talk more about our last point will be some
advice on how to set some short-term and long-term goals. But I think it's a really interesting question. Do you have an upper limit problem? Are you selling yourself short? Are you stopping short because you don't believe or you've never been told you can? And I think you can. You absolutely can.
Jeni (07:13)
Yeah, please don't wait for someone else's permission. Okay, backtracking, Sandy, were you told you couldn't have the car? Yeah.
Sandy (07:19)
I don't remember, but that's a familiar story. Like, I love that house. you'll never, you know, like nobody makes that kind of money. Like it's such a rare exception to have you able to afford that kind of house.
Jeni (07:30)
Yeah.
Like you don't know what my mother said to me when I would say I wanted something fancy. What? You have to marry rich. so I think a lot of little girls hear that story. I don't know how common, but I know I'm not the only one that heard that story, which infuriated me as a child.
Sandy (07:41)
Another story.
Jeni (07:51)
I think that's part of why I refuse the limits. Like I think we should, that's why these stories are so important, right? Like you need to do the work to dig back in your own story. I think I would have had a very different reaction if I had heard the story you heard versus you have to marry Rich because I was like, no, because I think all children are naturally feminists. And so like that is, that creates like, you know, an activist child maybe, but yeah, I mean, I think like the root of the problem though is that we're surrounded by certain people
who live certain lifestyles and that helps to shape what we think is possible. And when we see the other, it's like there's this, it's almost like a tribal acknowledgement, like that's for a different kind of person, right? Like that's how a different kind of person lives. That's not how my people live. And I think that's like an instinctive reaction to that, that a lot of people use to self contain, you know, their dreams.
Sandy (08:44)
I think it was Emily Williams in her conversation said, but why not you? Yeah, every person that has wealth at that car, that house or money, unless they inherited it, they earned it. Like they at one point had what all of us have are just these dreams and ideas and they didn't limit and they so why not us? Like why not? Like that just if someone else can do it, then we can do it.
Jeni (09:06)
Okay, so let's talk about that because I think that feeds into one of our other points. So the why not us, think that, part of that is you have to decide that you want it, right? And so you have to commit to it and then you have to take action. So there's this one thing, this pattern that I've noticed so much in the entrepreneurial space, especially among women, that's just who I have the most familiarity with in our market and in sort of the business world. But there's this idea of vision and there's this idea of action.
And so, my goodness, so many people in our community are so good at the vision. They're so good at the vision boards and meditating on it and imagining what your life will be and sort of daydreaming, manifesting, like all of that. Like so many of us are really good at that. then there's the other side, which is the action side. And I see a lot of that in the startup world. Like we were immersed in the action taking like...
24 hours a day workaholic action taking side of it as well that like kind of totally lacks the vision. You know, that's just like, just do it because don't think, just act, just keep going faster, faster, faster, higher, higher, higher, more, more, more, right? So there's that side of it. And really the beauty, like the beautiful thing to do in business, the thing that works is to have some combination of both of those things in balance. And I think like,
I mean, that's what we all want is balance, right? That's what we as humans want. That's what like nature needs. That's what like everything is in the whole world all the time is striving for balance. And it's so easy for me now just obviously I not to always see the imbalance in myself, but to look at another person and to see their imbalance. Like, you are way too action focused and not enough vision focused or vice versa.
Sandy (10:47)
Yeah, I think that's a good point because any result that you get, any outcome is a hundred percent going to be related to the action that you took. And I don't think we can emphasize that enough. Jeni and I are not people who will believe in sitting in front of a vision board and that just comes true, that it just comes sailing into our lives. It's not what we've experienced and it's about action. And I think the visioning part of it, this like, let's manifest this. think that's the commitment side. Like I am
going to do this, I want it really badly, why not me? I have this dream, I have this goal, I want it, I want it. But there has to be rooted in a why, like a really deep reason that you keep going. That when it gets hard, you can remind yourself of that reason and that makes you take the next step. so that commitment part is in some way fairly easy, but it's the action part or those...
difficult things you have to learn or conversations you have to have. Like the action part isn't all fun and easy. It's like a struggle and it can be hard and frustrating and up and down, but that commitment has to drive the action to get the result.
Jeni (11:56)
Yeah, I totally agree. And I think that the vision is equally important. And I just think that in our community, the vision is disproportionately always there. We're really good. Our people, the people we work with, are really good at visioning. I see that, I do see if I, I've made, I don't know, three or four vision boards in my adult life. mean, and that's basically what Pinterest is, right? Pinterest is a vision board tool.
And so we all have these Pinterest vision boards all the time as well. And I can look, though, at the paper and paste vision boards that I made throughout my adult life and just for fun. And I see them in my reality. My reality, 10 years later, looks a lot like those vision boards, which sort of freaks me out, to be honest. Because you make them and sort of look at them for a while and put them on the bulletin board. And then I put them away. And then I take them out.
you know, eight years later without having looked at it and it kind of does come true. And that's a little bit amazing, but also because I work my fricking tail off every day of my life. And to make my dreams come true, I don't need to necessarily cut and paste it on a piece of card stock to do that. But I think that the fact that I've defined what my dreams are has definitely helped me to achieve them. Cause otherwise I would be in that other camp of busy bee, Virgo, action taker.
you know, intense human being just striving constantly. I've had two people in the last two months tell me how industrious I am, which I took to be maybe an insult. I don't know if that's something you would, I would never say that. That's like, what a bee? You say that about like a honeybee? industrious, I'm like, God, I hope that's not what people think. But anyway, if you don't have the vision, then you're just like a busy bee, like trying stuff and failing and trying stuff and failing. And it just kind of won't.
get you very far unless you have the massive vision that inspires you to take action toward a specific goal or dream.
Sandy (13:56)
I would say in our community that people, they do have the vision of what they want, like how they want to create this new business online, but I don't think they set high enough goals for themselves for the money part. And I, to make a general statement, I think they really, I guess you said really, really lack on the action part. And that to me is frustrating. And that kind of works into our next point about playing victim.
sort of falling into the shadow side of that archetype victim. And this just drives me crazy. You know how this is. You hear me talk about it all the time. But for example, we will get in our inbox, not clients, but people who are looking at Nomstream to start an online business and say things like, if I join and I don't make enough money, can I get out of Nomstream? First of all, of course you can. But what's wrong with that question is like, if I start this thing,
And like, if the universe doesn't deliver the money that I need to see, can I get out of it? And I just want to shake that person and say, the question you should be asking is, I have this vision, I have this goal, I have this dream of starting an online business. What do I need to do to make sure that this is profitable? But instead they say, what happens if I fail?
You know, that's the thought that's driving you. You are going to fail if you're worried about not making enough and it not working. You just want to kind of try it or sample it and try it on for size. See what happens. You're going to fail. I think it's those that say I'm going to do this. I'm going to figure it out until I get there. Those are the ones that succeed. And so to me, that's like this victim of like, here I am, universe, lay it on me. What are you going to deliver to me or not deliver? And then they decide whether to stay or to go based on what happens. And it's like they're not taking ownership for what they want.
And I think you could figure it out. If that's what you want, you can figure it out. You ask about what extra courses, Do you need to join a mastermind? Do you need to do a networking group? Do you need another course of some whatever it is? There's no shortage of places to learn how to do it. So that's my little rant about victim.
Jeni (15:58)
Well, I totally agree. I mean, absolutely. I would say that there's this sense, OK, so when someone signs up for something and it's just any class or any course or any program or any tool or whatever, you have this idea that I signed up, I took the action. And my response is always that's one action and a sea of thousands of actions that are necessary for success. Like it's this first step. It's deciding kind of publicly right to take a chance on something because you've
put your name down, you put your name on the list, you made a payment for something, whatever it is, you enrolled, you did something, you took an action, like the first step. But so often that as a culture, we glorify the first step and that we don't pay it. And we also glorify the finish, whatever that is, the medal, the victory, the crossing the finish line. But we don't talk about the thousand to hundred thousand steps.
and moments that go between here and there. And that's really where success or failure happens. And I think that there's this idea that we've talked about too, Sandy, where people who do take that first step and they do take a chance, they think that that's all they needed to do and not necessarily the thousand other steps that it takes to find success. everyone has a success that looks different than everyone else's. And so there's no.
perfect blueprint to take. Like you're always going to have to look at an example, look at a look to a mentor, look at a program, and you can see a lot of tips and tactics that can save you time. But your story and your situation and your program or product or offering is always going to be your own. And so you're going to have to figure out how to tweak or adapt any formula or system to make it work for you. And I think that that's the other piece of it too, is like there's this sense of
I don't want have to do that. I mean, no one wants to have to do that, but the gift is doing it. Like that's the greatest gift to yourself. And we talk about this too, Sandy, where I love to harp on this idea that entrepreneurship is this path to liberation. And I really believe that entrepreneurship is the most amazing tool for freedom, liberation, but also self-actualization that I've ever encountered. It will just give you.
all of the things you need, like to give you all of the tests and trials that you need to learn the lessons that you need to learn in order to become the next version of yourself. And so all of those hard parts and those tricky parts and bits, that's where the magic happens.
Sandy (18:33)
And it's the journey of who you will become. That is what should drive you to that goal. it's just like, imagine who you are going to be. Imagine what your life is going to be like as you get there. And if you go kicking and screaming, it's not gonna happen. But if you can sort of enjoy this process and really like love this new person that you're turning into, that's when you're gonna see the results. But it's 100 % related back to the actions that you take.
Jeni (19:01)
Yeah, and you have to want it. Like you have to want, like you can't just want the end result. I think a lot of people who are on a journey, some sort of journey in their emotional states or physiological states, like they want the result. And what will set you apart and what will create a pathway for success for you is that you also want the journey itself. Like you have to want the whole thing. And I do like to the extent that there is this law of attraction, there is this magnetism and this ability to manifest.
I think it's that. Do I want to take this on in my life? Do I want to commit to this process? Do I want to go through the journey that gets me from here to there? Because that's what you have to draw yourself towards, not just some end result. That's that whole idea where people win the lottery and then they blow all the money within two years and they're still miserable. Because they didn't go through the journey to build the wealth. They don't have the tools they need. They didn't do the work.
Sandy (19:56)
Yeah, I think for me what drives me is this like improved version or better version. Not that I think that there's something wrong with me right now, but it's like, how can I get even better? How can I be even more remarkable as we grow this business and as we learn and as we take the action? I think that is really, really exciting. This sort of evolution of a person.
Jeni (20:17)
Well, and how can I live a more remarkable life? I mean, I think it's like you shift as a human being, Sandy, but then your life shifts. What's available to you in your life shifts. Like when you don't have an employer, when you don't have to rely on some external force to validate your existence in the world, when you can make your own money.
and do it from anywhere. mean, because that's what this kind of business entails, right? And that's what we've seen over and over and over again with our community and with our colleagues and our friends. And you don't have those barriers to your lifestyle anymore. So you get to really decide what your life is like every day. Like, what do you do when you wake up? And what do you eat? And where do you go? And we all have responsibilities, sure. But you have so much more choice and so many more options available to you when you
take this on and reach a certain milestone of success. And to me, like, as a person that loves freedom and bucks authority, that is worth everything. But you have to decide if that's worth it to you. I know it is. know it's worth it to you, Sandy. That's why we're in this together.
Sandy (21:23)
It is.
Let's talk about goal setting. You wanted to share something that we heard Bill Gates say.
Jeni (21:34)
So what Bill Gates says is that most people underestimate what they can do in 10 years, but overestimate what they can do in one year. And I think that's absolutely true. I think that we want to see a quick, massive win, or we create meaning around that that says this wasn't meant for me, or I'm not good enough, or this isn't my time, or whatever story you tell yourself. And so you never get to the point where you achieve the snowball effect of your goals.
And I mean, we have seen this play out absolutely. Like I would say the first three years were pretty slow, like learning a new set of tools, learning how to run a different kind of business, becoming an entrepreneur, taking that on. Like, wouldn't you say that like this was a slow process? And then there are these inflection points that happen, which we've talked about in other shows, where all of a sudden change and growth happens really fast.
But it took us years to get to that point where we could have those inflections. And it would be so heartbreaking to me knowing what I know now, if I had given up at any of those points where I can seriously considered giving up, I never would have seen the success and the kind of massive quick growth that has happened. And it's not quick by the startup world standards, right? I mean, this company in its current state is like three and a half years old. And from when we started it as a baby little company, five years old now, but
To me, to be able to achieve what we've achieved in that amount of time, like if I really zoom out and look at it like a regular ordinary person that's not like a startup founder, it's amazing, right? And I think that I fear that so many people never get to see those inflection points of success because they give up too soon. And so that's just aligned with what Bill Gates says.
Sandy (23:23)
I think the
part of the reason is the expectations of what should happen in that first year, that there should just be piles of money, that they should just all these random strangers on the internet find them and buy their program. And that's just not what happens. So you need to be really realistic about that first year. We want to set a goal that is high but doable because you don't want to be discouraged, but you have to be realistic about it. the way that we like to think about it is
Think about that 10-year goal, because your mind is not limited. It feels so far out that you can really start to set something, set a big goal that's like, know, audacious, big. And you can set it for your 10-year, and then you just work back. What does that mean at five-year? What does that mean at one-year? And I think that's a really great way to do it. But the expectation on the internet is that it's easy to make money, and it comes in fast, and it comes in, you know,
buckets of money in a couple of months, that is not the case. I think there's this whole internet, Facebook ads, the culture, the Instagram posts are feeding us some lies about what is it really like. So I think there's a warning there to have, just check your expectations. You know what can happen in that first year.
Jeni (24:36)
And I think, you we've talked about this before too, Sandy, that internet business is becoming much more like regular business. And I think that's good because we've been living in a bubble for a decade with online business. And so it's becoming just much more legitimate and normalized. you know, just like I, met my husband online and we like the only people at that point that like met each other online when we got married. It was super weird. I was really embarrassed. And now this is just like the way people meet each other. And
It's the same thing with internet business. think it for a long time was kind of shameful and weird. And I remember when I first got into online business, I was a little mortified. I didn't want anyone in my regular life to know I was building an online company. Like I was embarrassed by it. And now obviously it's normalized. And I think because of that normalization, there have been shifts in online business that have made these businesses behave more like offline businesses. Like we're seeing more and more people.
running them like offline businesses, hiring traditional employees. We're seeing the growth rates and the trajectories of businesses look more like offline businesses. Now the beauty with online is that you still don't have the same kind of overhead that you do with a physical brick and mortar or clinical business. But the actual way you can project your growth looks a lot more like an offline business. But you also have more access to capital because these businesses are considered more legitimate. I mean, it's just becoming more of a regular thing.
And because of that, it doesn't operate where you can sell a bunch of $1 courses and make a million dollars your first year because now the market is more saturated. There's more quality control. People know that there's differences in quality with what they're buying. And so it's not just because you're the only one. So you're going to sell all the things to all the people. That's not how it works anymore. But I think that's great because we can look at our companies like they're regular businesses.
the same kinds of tools and strategies that we all, like that are readily available in libraries and bookstores. And you know, it's just, it's a business. It's a regular business now.
Sandy (26:41)
Yeah, absolutely. is a regular business. yeah, I think it's I'm proud of what we've done. And I know most of the people around me in my life don't know what I do.
Jeni (26:51)
I know, I know, know, still. But it's a little more normalized now, right? Well, you're helping to educate them. Yeah, absolutely. same. I mean, I think like for the first two or three years, like nobody had any idea what I was doing. Like nobody in my life. Like I still, like people are like, so what, what is it? How does it, like, how do you get money? Like as if money doesn't exist digitally, even though that's like everything we buy is online. You know, it's like this whole idea of like, but.
But where does the money part come from? Well, yeah. You don't only make money from selling a widget. A widget's not the only thing. Yeah. So it's just fascinating, right? But for everyone, I just want to say, though, that the barriers are so much lower and the overhead is so much lower. But the rest of it is basically the same. And so the profit and loss.
Stuff is the same, the accounting is the same, the legal entities are the same. All of those things are the same. The mindset is the same. The upside is much better. I mean, in terms of the long-term 10-year audacious growth potential, when you don't have a ceiling on your growth, that's amazing, right? Because with offline businesses, there is a ceiling based on how many outputs you can create with
the widgets here, you know, like how many resources it takes to make the widgets or how many hours in a day for you to see people one-on-one or whatever, how many classes you can teach. Like there are physical limits. All right.
That's right. All right, folks, we will see you next week
Sandy (28:22)
Thanks everyone. Be extraordinary.