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Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast.
This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of
Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community.
These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen
to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy,
and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience,
heal from the past, and become active operators of our mind, body, and life.
This first season wasn’t designed to be a podcast, so you’ll notice the audio isn’t
Professional Studio Quality (like it is on season 2 as we’ve upgraded incrementally).
These trainings are designed to introduce and deepen you to the most critical 2 skills we’ve never been taught:
1) The skill and practice of taking our triggers (Nervous System Activations) and turning them into deeper safety and self-love,
2) The skill and practice of taking conflict (that happens in any relationship) and turning them into deeper intimacy between the parties involved.
Not learning these two critical skills at this time in history costs us dearly: Physical and Mental health is on the DECLINE.
Doing this deep level of healing work can break the cycle of Intergenerational Trauma that didn’t start with you.
It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you,
#Cyclebreaker.
______________________________________________________________________
Join my Facebook Group to help you understand yourself, control your triggers, regulate your nervous system and know what's keeping you stuck in these times of crisis:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/triggerproof
[Music]
good morning friday morning here in beautiful vancouver i'm home downtown i left victoria yesterday and you can hear the sirens the loud noises everywhere i want to show you right here this is downtown vancouver right below me i'll show you actually over here with my webcam it's a gorgeous day out and you can hear all of the sirens it's beautiful it's like i think maybe 10 12 degrees and uh i just wanted to jump on before i head out to play golf with my cousins and my brother that's why i came to vancouver it's like it's been a long time since i've seen him and been a long time so we're just gonna i'm doing something i've never really done i don't usually do which is take time off to just play play golf and uh so i wanted to jump on and share something with you before before i left and ah thank you just want to get you to check in right now for a moment as you're watching me let me know if you're on replay replay
[Applause] check in to how you're breathing right now
over the last 24 48 hours to four weeks we've been on kind of pandemic lockdown for about a month or 40 days so there's a lot going on and it's normal to feel a little bit like when is this going to end when is this you know what's going on what's really happening right now and it's totally normal to feel that way and it all makes sense and i wanted to start off by really telling you
to take a leap deep breath and to let you know that everything that you're going through right now completely makes sense everything if you understand how your nervous system functions the way that you're showing up in a relationship the way that you're showing up at work the way that you're showing up for yourself all of it is making sense and i want to help help you make sense of it so that you leave uh with agency in your life agency what does agency mean agency basically is what we all desire and crave we want agency which means we have some sort of a say in our lives this is what we all truly want we want the freedom
to have some sort of a say in the way that life moves forward we just keep forgetting because of childhood wounding and trauma that we don't end up having much of a say we don't have a say in other words when we get triggered old unconscious wounding starts to take over it takes away our agency today i'm going to be talking to you about agency because if you don't have agency this is what you really want in your life as agency we all want that we don't want to go to work and feel like we don't have a say in how the environment goes we don't want to go to work and feel like robots we don't want to go to work and we don't want to have relationships where we're constantly not able to have mutual sharing and giving and receiving we we want some agency in relationships the problem is we don't know that we have a say because of childhood patterns and woundings because of trauma where we dissociate from ourselves we then look to caregivers to give us you know what we should be doing and we haven't been raised most of us with attuned caregivers who understand that they have agency within themselves so they so when you do you're able to teach a child to create their own agency to connect with their own inner voice that's a skill a parenting skill that i'm committed to mastering and the only way that i can master that that's like the best skill that i feel i can teach my unborn child i want to teach this kid how to have a connection with his or her own inner voice so that they have a say in the direction and creation of their entire lives how their relationships go so they don't have to hope that they marry somebody nice they actually create that because they have agency they have a say and we have a say the moment we realize that we have the potential to have a say and the way that we create agency in our lives is to go back and heal the parts of us where we actually lost it where we lost agency and that's in childhood and if you look back on the things that you went through as a child and maybe it was traumatic maybe the people that you were your caregivers or your parents they hurt you they were physically abusive or maybe you spent time when you didn't know whether they were going to be here or not or like some of you in foster care where you had to constantly be battling the feeling of am i not like lovable like what why you know because a child we make children are egocentric we make everything about us so we don't have the agency as a child as a young child to basically say oh my parents are really unhinged and they're making poor choices because of their own traumas and i see them and i understand them and i love them for it and i completely sympathize and empathize how difficult that must be to be a parent who doesn't have agency in their homes and they're taking out their traumas on me i mean how how difficult that must feel like we don't have the ability at the age of four to do that it's it's laugh i laugh i joke it's facetious because it's impossible instead what do we make out what what story do we make up the story that i make up is well i must be not lovable i must be a piece of [ __ ] i i must not be worthy of love and that's when our first detachment and dissociation happens and i've been in the i've been in the healing game for a very long time i've been a chiropractor for 20 years helping people with all spectrums of of agony from physical to emotional having experienced it myself having gone through divorce toxic relationship like you name it like i'm not only i'm it's like the hair club for men not only am i the president i'm also a client
it's true true story so what i realized was that i um i gave up that agency as a young child and the whole point to life as a healer what i was getting at is healing cannot be complete whatever modality you've ever done which is great i'm glad you've done some counseling i'm glad that you've done a lot of work hey rebecca you know like you like in your situation i'm glad that you've done a lot of work hey emily good to see you darling um i'm so happy you've done and they've all helped and i was gonna say but i try to remove that word from my vocabulary you caught me there i was like and no healing will ever be complete until you reassociate from those dissociated parts there's no coach there's no hero there's no weekend workshop there's no go off into the mountains to meditate for seven days straight none of that will actually do the trick i don't care if you spend 20 000 and go to mexico to study with gerson or whatever that's great learning all the nutrition everything is a piece and and the missing piece is the reconnection from the dissociation here's the problem too here's another here's here's why the odds are stacked against you i mean like i'm just giving it to you straight here's why the odds are stacked against you since it since childhood you were so accustomed to dissociating because that was you know playing dead you'd shut down so you didn't have to feel playing dead maybe the predator would you know go away this is a biological intelligent adaptation
and it helped us get
skills that that we utilize just to get our survival needs met will not help us in the next stage of life which is self-actualization which is coming from what agency choice in where i want to go if i don't have agency which means awareness of my section to myself knowing who i am choosing my direction then by nature i'm going to have to submit and subordinate to something or some other system that i'm giving my authority to which is another condition self-abandonment and i see it all the time like i literally now that i've done this work i actually feel it in people i'll go to the bank and i'll look into the eyes of the bankers who are in their nice suits and they're pushing paper and they're putting on a smile and i'm like that's a good example of it or you go to the passport office this is a good one the passport office is a good one it says any job that you go see which is just repetitive one after another is a form of enslavement that a person if they don't if they're not inspired to do it is convinced that they don't have agency to choose something better in other words there's fear there's a huge dissociation from self people who submit to religion and they don't really feel it i mean there's people who are like on fire you know what i mean they're on fire you can actually feel it from them they're they're speaking the word of god but it's actually coming from here and then the person who's speaking the word of god whatever it is islam baha'i you know christian whatever whatever it is but when they're speaking it it's kind of like i want to look good i want to do what's right so that i could you know be perceived a certain way in you know what they do in uh in egypt i went to egypt a couple years ago in 2010 and i would always see these marks on men like these calloused marks on their foreheads and i'm just and i see a lot of guys do this right and i'm like dude what's the deal with all these calluses on your forehead and it turns out guess what the men will create like scar scar themselves here to create a callus to give the impression that they are praying like you know when muslims pray they pray by putting their you know their foreheads on the ground they freaking callous themselves to give the impression that they're [ __ ] pious how amazing is that this is self-abandonment and it's not their fault they're not evil it's just culturally passed down and then we experience this massive wake-up call that says holy [ __ ] look at what's happened to my life i've been dissociating for myself i don't like what i do i feel like a robot and this was me even in chiropractic i just felt like i was stamping beef this is kind of like the consideration all right i had the million dollar practice i did it [Music] i'm like where's the soul where's the soul part of it after a couple really nasty reviews on yelp which confirmed and validated that i wasn't really in it for my heart it was just basically for the money it was like a wake-up call for me i was like oh that doesn't feel good and the thing is is that these challenges some some of you have had like health crises it's a wake-up call financial crisis relationship crisis and crisis is just a wake-up call that's why this whole pandemic thing is like oh has everyone surprised i know exactly what to do in a crisis i've lived through five of them in the last 10 years five crises in the last 10 years identity crisis divorce like several breakups job change like each time had me each time peeling off revealing that i've been putting on a [ __ ] mask all the time to be this thing because i had dissociated from myself which wasn't my fault but it's my responsibility it's not even my i'm not playing victim to my parents it's not even my parents fault they're [ __ ] tremendous people who were at the product of the same thing
so how do you change that well this is the part where this part can't be fixed by a hero outside of you this is caused by a reconnection to you and the practice and the commitment of doing it again and again and again this is what i committed to two years ago and it's difficult but on the other side okay you have intimacy when you really get this when you when you don't do this when you don't practice and i'm going to share with you the one of the most powerful ways to practice by the end of this if you don't practice this you show up in relationships as inauthentic there's a wall between you and other people because you're dissociated from yourself you're actively in that engagement between the two of you whether it's a client whether it's your child whether it's a a partner and you now are dissociated from self because you're now in the perspective of another person what are they going to think of me if you've ever been in that situation where you're walking in and you're afraid to say something you're literally here's what's happened there's a soul inside of you you dissociated from your soul and now you're looking at yourself from that person's i hope they like me i hope they think i'm great and we all have this we all do this but this is this is an awareness of dissociation i have now i'm like oh [ __ ] i really care about what these people think of me right now boom return back to me and practice again and again and again and i discovered the most
powerful way to practice this you got to practice this in a community because you're going to forget why because you're going to dissociate and you don't even know you're dissociating that's the problem the problem is when you start practicing this you dissociate but then you're so dissociated you don't know you're dissociating so you must practice in a community of people who are up to the same game who are okay so here's where i'm at i just noticed i'm dissociating i just noticed or we call each other out yesterday on the group call we did a group call with my tribe and it was amazing we were talking about what were we talking oh i challenged everyone i said growth happens is what i was saying growth happens when how you know you're growing growth happens when you're willing to have uncomfortable conversations okay so what i did was i challenged everyone to have two uncomfortable conversations they've been withholding uh as soon as i did that there was one gal one woman in our uh program pip and all of a sudden she dissociated she went in because she's having a challenge with her uncle and boom she dissociated and you can see it when you're talking to somebody you can tell they're dissociating when you look at their face you know what it looks like it's like when someone you just you're in dorsal vagal shut down your eyes get closer together you feel like you're at a threat you're at a standstill in your life it's like paralyzed and there's a fear look this is what i look i see every single time i'm on a discovery call with somebody when it comes time to actually committing to a program to actually changing their life i literally watch their faces go into dissociation and shut down mode and about 50 percent of the time they let that fear they they don't realize they're dissociating they their disaster comes real and then all of their dreams are crushed and then the other 50 i'm able to guide and go do you feel that that's the fear that's the dissociation are you willing to embrace it along and practice clearing it and then the other 50 go yes i'm gonna do it and i'm terrified i'm like great it's literally in that split second decision and that's how your life will happen in split second decisions moment to moment do i dissociate am i dissociating am i out or can i go back into my body dissociation is like the world is gone it's there's no hope for me everything is [ __ ] i'm done i'm screwed there's like i'm hopeless i will never change boom which happens every single one of our clients experience that this is part of the part of the climb you must feel that that's classic dissociation and then to have a community of people go ah that's your dissociation get back into your body and let's keep climbing what's the mountain we're getting on top of well healing your anxiety connecting to your purpose having emotional regulation having intimacy in your relationships healing all of those unhealthy relationships that's the that's that's the reward and the reward is healthy healed secured attachments because if i keep dissociating every time i get triggered in a relationship there's no intimacy and if there's no intimacy then the person will
is it whatever will happen we've had cases where the person shuts down and feels abandoned and then they leave in my first marriage that's what happened she dissociated i didn't know all this stuff she dissociated i felt abandoned from her dissociation and then i said i'm out of here boom so relationships break down because of an unawareness of the nervousness and i want to change that i stand for healed healthy families and it doesn't take years of counseling getting in front of a counselor trying to validate your story it's not about that it's about going back and healing where you abandon yourself [Music]
my name is dr nima romani and you've been listening to the trigger proof designed to teach you the most important skill necessary for a dramatically changing world which is nervous system regulation and becoming trigger proof doesn't mean trigger less it means learning how to regulate ourselves to bring us back to center so that we can then be governed by our purpose rather than from our wounds time there's reactivity there's a wound and if you're curious and inspired to learn more join us at breathwork and badassery or the overview experience there's a difference between listening to a podcast and actually showing up live and doing the work with a badass community who's all about breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma it didn't start with you but it can end with you if you're willing to do the work see you at the next perfect time [Music]
what happens to your parenting well an interesting thing happens that gal pip who dissociated she noticed herself dissociating she checked out for like three or four minutes in the call puts in the zoom call she says oh my gosh i'm dissociating right now could you repeat that what were the what were the things i missed it i missed it and then i she noticed that and she caught herself dissociating and i was like way to go all right pip can you get into your breath get into your body and then she finished the session and she was able to regulate it see that first step is to have a community and continually practice the returning to you when you always want to self-abandon every time you get triggered the second thing that i'm going to share with you is how to how to completely how to completely turn that around after you notice the checking out you become aware of it step one awareness number two is breathing [Applause] you get right back into your breath that's the quickest way to heal that the breathing
excuse me into body into sensation second one is into body and sensation and third one is into breathing so awareness body sensation number three breath so awareness get into the body sensation sometimes we even actually tap things and also essential oils getting into smell getting into senses right now is very important especially during really stressful times you want rub essential oils getting into senses and then the third one is breath and there's an opportunity that you have for those of you uh actually already who are coming tomorrow not tomorrow sunday we're doing another our second breath work and badassery workshop we practice breathing and you're gonna actually you're gonna also have your inner child meditation so we start with a little bit of a background of what it is like why do we do inner child meditations essentially this is how you uncover the the chronic dissociation is by returning back and doing inner child meditation told me two years ago that i'd be talking to my inner child i would have thought you were crazy but this is it this is the missing piece the dissociation how do you do it by returning back again and again and making these meditations and connections energetically with your younger self that you abandon again and again and again you're re-establishing a new relationship with them a new relationship that will last you for the rest of your life this is self-love in action it's not just a meme i saw kerwin ray's post today you got to love yourself yeah but how do i love myself when i look in mirror and i [ __ ] hate what i see how do i do that
that you'll abandon from and you do the difficult work of returning to them you have to there's a book that's called love love yourself like your life depends on it the truth is your life does depend on it your life is at stake and you can't go through your life without doing this sorry i wish i did it sooner i wish i started this maybe 20 years ago i would have had very many different choices in my life can you know do you know what i'm talking about but i had a lot of different choices in my life if i did that hey hey hey felt a low level of sadness for years i finally realized that the associates of my nervous systems overall exactly absolutely couldn't think straight absolutely and both caleb and sam you guys are both coming on sunday so we're gonna start here's how it works you guys are new we did this last time we had 80 people from around the world 80 people oh that was a i was in tears while i was while i was doing it i have the video i was like i'm crying and i'm like oh my god it's like a journey into your back into yourself i i can't i can't tell you i don't want to give it away biblical experience and you're going to practice whatever dissociation shows up what do i do i want to run yeah i know you want to run but you're going to continually commit back to the younger part of you that you abandoned a long time ago she or he doesn't trust you yet so it probably takes from my estimation and the work that we do with our clients about six to eight months of really diligent practice your first month doing it is really challenging because your younger self is scared and doesn't trust you and your ego is saying this is stupid this is a bunch of stupid like i feel silly like talking to myself like this and my my answer to that is this if you feel silly talking to yourself i just want to tell you you're already talking to yourself you're talking a lot of [ __ ] you're swearing you're you're being extremely mean to yourself already don't even worry about it you're already talking to yourself you're looking in the mirror and saying i'm not worthy of love energetically mentally if not out loud i [ __ ] hate you you're looking in the mirror and doing that you're already talking to yourself so let's get over that what we're doing is we're changing the narrative and the dialogue between you and yourself and we're talking what 20 years 30 years years of conditioning so over a weekend or even on that workshop on sunday it's not going to solve everything but you're going to get a big piece of information and we all go in with an intention to reconnect with ourselves and to be okay with whatever shows up in the process okay so you have to have some intention with some surrender and you got to be willing to be scared because we've done this many times how many deaths have we had from breath were from breathing i think we've had like we out of 30 people 28 of them survived that's sorry out of 80 people last time great news 78 survived the breath work we just had two deaths it's very dangerous no no deaths your ego might die which is terrifying but you won't die so we're going to have uh an intrin and whatever comes up whatever comes up might be scary and that might be the exact thing that you must face that's okay so it's only 10 bucks and i just put the link on there if you uh can't afford the 10 bucks send me a dm we'll figure something out this is kind of what i started doing during the covid pandemic this is our second one we're going to do one every month in this community so that you guys have access to self-healing so that you understand that there's no heroes outside no no you we are your guides i love that i love you guys you know you're the you're the guy you're the hero you're the you're the neo you're the trinity i'm morpheus i'm your middle eastern morpheus i'm your guide i'm the shaman guiding you into your dark parts i did ayahuasca a couple of years ago like few years about three years back and i was terrified i was like okay i'm gonna try this i have many of my clients asking me what do you think of it i have many people who've tried it a lot of people do that for trauma and i'm like okay so i gotta see what the [ __ ] so i went and did it holy [ __ ] it was scary it was powerful and i remember the shaman that was guiding us through that i was going into my own whatever i puked all of that into the darkness and he was there just kind of like holding space and i really felt a deep connection with them and that energy of the shaman really was neat and then on the last breath that we did with 80 people globally and i was guiding everyone into it i literally felt like i have this picture i'm at home right now so i have a picture of the earth i literally felt like i was the shaman guiding them on their journey but the journey is back into themselves in connecting with their younger parts we do an inner child meditation before and then i go and i give you some background i show you why you self sabotage why you dissociate why it totally makes sense for you to numb and check out and and just be all up in your head all the time why that makes sense first make sense of it so you know that you're not like there's nothing wrong with you there's nothing caleb samantha nothing wrong with you there's just a conditioning of self-abandonment which is going to take some time and it's going to take some practice it's going to take some mentorship it's going to take some guidance it's going to take some push it's going to take holding space watching you emotionally vomit all of these resentments that you've been holding into your body it's like it's got to be released it's deconditioning and it's the most incredible you can be on and horrific at the same time it sucks and it's amazing and i just on the other side of it is emotional well-being you know so i just wanted to say that because i'm about to go and play golf with my cousins and my brother and uh i just go and take the day off have a good time and i could never do that without worrying so much but right now i can say hey nima you had a really great busy month you served a lot of people you've done really well um you you showed up for people you showed up and you uh were a stand for families and you stood there for them and you deserve to go and play right now and i could never say that to myself before so the work works if you're willing to step
[Applause]
we'll see you uh in our breath work ceremony on sunday or early monday morning if you're in australia and you're gonna practice the art of returning from dissociation you will dissociate again and again and again but then i'll help you practice [Applause] through conscious connected breathing i look forward to seeing you hopefully this was valuable if you're noticing yourself checking out return to breath and join us on saturday so that you can learn this practice this ancient practice that will take you so far in life see you at the next perfect time make sure you subscribe
[Music]
you