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Welcome to the Love, Sex, and Leadership Podcast, where insightful dialogues and transformative teachings await. Join Aaron Kleinerman on a journey to explore the intersections of love, sexuality, and leadership. Through candid conversations with experts and live audio teachings, Aaron creates a safe space for self-discovery and empowerment. Embrace your true power, awaken your soul's wisdom, and live an inspired life as a natural, intuitive, and heart-centered leader. Dive into the mysteries of the universe and unlock the secrets to mastering the human experience. Tune in and embark on a path of profound transformation.
Ep 13 Nervous System Regulation
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Love Sex and Leadership podcast where you can discover simple tantric teachings to embody your true power awaken your soul's wisdom and live an inspired life as a natural intuitive and heart centered leader
nervous system regulation: If you go out in the garden over here, there's some wind chimes. I don't know what it says exactly. The translation app may have been off. But basically it said, the wind chime is a hollow bit of energy, and then when it connects to, you know, whatever the thing that's knocking it, it creates sound from emptiness.
And there's a beautiful piece with that, in that, for you as a practitioner, my greatest desire for you is that you can show up into a session with emptiness. Not with wholeness that's trying to say, we need to do this and this and this and this is what, and yeah, these are all tools that you're supporting to master [00:01:00] your own experience, and master the tools that you're showing up with.
But ultimately, when you are an empty channel, then you're letting love move through you, and you're giving the transmission of that emptiness into that being that's in front of you. And when emptiness, not emptiness as if it's badness, but emptiness from a fullness and expansion. And when you meet someone from emptiness and that person, that body, that energy recognizes that there's a full capacity to be in their everythingness, to be in whatever is alive.
From yesterday I said all of you is welcome. And so when you as a practitioner meet. a body and a being from the place of emptiness and anything that's not Love or above in their body wants to come out because it feels safe enough to do so And [00:02:00] this is where the nervous system needs somatic education is because when you can have the tools and the resources and recognize that all you actually need to do is to support this individual You To the best of their ability to be in a state that lets any of the bubbling up inside of them breathe sound and express through their body, then you're giving them the gift of emptiness.
You're giving them the gift that's allowing the past you know, remembered guilts and shames and fears and frustrations come up to the light of awareness to be felt, experienced, and expressed. And so, the heal, the traumas of our past, we have to meet it at a similar energetic to which it was received.
This is one of the biggest challenges I have with a lot of, you [00:03:00] could say, more modern present psychology that has an issue, and this is the issue with all we do for sometimes a year. Sometimes three years, sometimes five years is just go, Oh, look at this issue. We're just gonna keep going around.
And then we'll go around the other way. Just to pretend like we're doing something different. And we'll go around this again, and then again. How many have been there at times in your life? Yeah, and so, because what it requires to go, to meet this energy, is a deep place of emptiness. Yes. Of you as a practitioner that can be present to whatever comes up from not judging and whatever arises in this space, especially when we go into sessions, all of you is welcome.
So if you're suddenly in a session and memories come up for when you were five or 10 or 15 [00:04:00] and you need to express and feel if you've been going like this the whole time, then a part of you is going to feel like you're not safe to express this. And when you feel like you're safe enough to express it the way that you do it to actually heal the things from the past Is saying what you need to say and expressing what you need to express because the young child in you That had that trauma that happened to him or her at a young age Probably had their voice shrunk Probably wasn't able to I don't feel safe.
Oh, no, don't touch me like that. Ah Express, and breathe, and sound. And a little bit about my own journey into, you know, where I am now. When I was 25 and I started doing my master's degree, I was working at the time for a self development publishing company. And we had a few thousand authors around the world sharing stories like, Thank God I was raped.
And thank God my son [00:05:00] died. And thank God I was sexually molested. And I found myself in one to one conversations with people who had gone through some of the most horrific traumas in their life. Some of them were healed through it, some of them not so much. And I ended up not having a lot of trauma experience, but going in and starting to do trauma coaching in a way.
And I recognized different pieces that were present for someone who had actually been able to heal through the trauma. is that there wasn't a trying to push it away. There was a deep needing of it. There was a deep needing of it. And this is one of the challenges I have with a lot of psychology and different aspects of trauma healing is that they're not actually going to the source of it.
And feeling what we need to feel because a lot of our nervous system when we go to that source Can then disassociate again and then there's a fear that that's going to happen But this is where [00:06:00] We're training someone To be able to breathe sound and stay present and one of the big things why lotus and I Are quite aligned is that when it comes to doing more internal work?
I'm You 99. 9 percent of the time, never doing internal work with someone within the first 3 4 sessions. I'm supporting them to be able to breathe, sound, and feel. If they can't feel the pain of their mom when she abandoned them when they were 10 years old, me putting a finger inside of them isn't going to suddenly shift that.
It's actually probably going to re traumatize them because they haven't been able to be present. You know, there's a a woman who came to our training this past February, and she had reached out to me probably a year before, wanting to take the training, and we started doing sessions together instead, so for about a year I did, you know, about four to five sessions when I was traveling through Florida.
And each time [00:07:00] I could feel that she's like, wanted to go into internal work. And I wasn't saying that, but I could feel that in her body, and I just kept meeting her where she was, and there was a lot of, you know, Deep inner healing work that was necessary to do Before I could do work like that because if I just go into doing work like that Then the system can't actually assimilate it and this is one of the biggest challenges when people Are receiving one off yoni massages and they're receiving, you know deep base work without their bodies actually being able to be prepped For breathing sounding and expressing because if you're receiving internal work You And then suddenly a memory comes up and you haven't already trained your body to breathe, sound, and express.
Then you're just going to freeze deeper inside of you and it's actually, it's not going to, it's going to re traumatize. Sometimes it can, but it might not actually clear it at the source. So this is really the nature of slow [00:08:00] somatic processing. There is no destination. There is no place that we need to go.
Other than just continually reading and recognizing where someone's at in their own nervous system To be able to support them to continue to continually come back into a level of homeostasis And now in a session structure, which i'll go into a piece as well Leaving someone in a fight and flight response isn't supportive So you want to feel like they're rising and then they're coming back down because it's in the integration And That the healing actually happens more than anywhere.
It's in the integration that the system, the nervous system can begin to assimilate and, and integrate into day to day life. Rather than just having these peak high ayahuasca experiences where we make love with, with Jesus in the sky. And then we don't know, we went from here, To here, but we [00:09:00] didn't go He went And then afterwards we go push and then we're like, ah, fuck who's been there before And so what sometimes this work can feel like for a client is three steps forward two steps back I'm a, I'm a mountain climber.
I'm often climbing mountains and getting out in nature. This last summer, I was climbing Kilimanjaro. This next year, I'll be climbing Aconcagua, which is about 7, 000 meters in Argentina. I'm taking a group of men up there. And I've climbed a lot of volcanoes in my life. And often when you're climbing a volcano, and you're in like sheets, you're climbing up, three steps up, two steps back.
Three steps up, two steps back. And it's nerve wracking. It's like, damn, literally the ground just keeps like falling away. And you're like, I'm not getting anywhere. And then [00:10:00] after a half hour, you're like, Oh, I am getting somewhere. And I look at that as a relation point to what this work feels like sometimes is that you're making slow steps and sometimes those big, huge steps that you make, they might feel great in the moment, but if you haven't been able to assimilate your nervous system along the way.
Then you're just going to get to the Monday morning blues after a weekend workshop that you exploded into the sun. And then you come back down and you're like, oh fuck, I don't know how to get there without taking the medicine, without taking this thing. And so, as a practitioner, when you're working with someone's nervous system, it's recognizing where they are at any given time, supporting them to meet their edges.
And to meet that edge, but not to push them over the edge without a parachute. But to meet that edge, it's to do it with presence, awareness, and attunement. And a lot of times when I'm giving sessions with someone, [00:11:00] I can recognize there's a place that my mind and ego wants to take them. And I'm like, oh, I know what I can do with them, I can go there.
But their bodies aren't ready. And if I take them there, that's not going to be a service to them. Even though they might have that peak amazing experience that's absolutely incredible, and you'll have some peak experiences through this week, and the time after where you're assimilating and dropping down and integrating and letting that all land is actually more important sometimes than the peak experience.
And, and this Place of, of attunement and deep, like professional awareness for you as a practitioner. And I know some of you are working with groups as well. This happens in group spaces, working with the nervous system. There's a, a sense where people feel like they can go into, and that's a great access point.
And it's amazing that they can [00:12:00] access those places, but what's really important is that they have the capacity to then come back down in. That are into the rest and digest and having the time and the space to do that, to me, I think is one of the most important pieces I've learned with the nervous system and being able to assimilate it into day to day life.
A couple other pieces that I have on a sheet of paper. For one, and those of you who have done sessions before, when we're going into sessions here, what's really important is that the client has full permission to say no. To say, fuck you, to say, get the fuck out of me, you asshole, you know, all of that words, because we often didn't have a chance to say and communicate those things when trauma was happening to us.
And our boundaries, our no, when it hasn't been appreciated, honored, and, and, you know, been a place of, of yes, from a [00:13:00] young age, and the no has been someone else, you know, pushing their yes upon you. Meaning any time somebody else's yes has been more important than your no, and you've said yes to something that you're a no to, that no is still residing in your body, as stored somatic energy that hasn't expressed itself out.
I don't know if I have my, my magnets with me. But the way our bodies are made up, is we have positive charges and negative charges, our cells. And these cells, the positive charge and the negative charge, create matter. Creates the floor that we're on, creates the bones that are in our body. And when you've had things in your past, that you haven't said no to, that you haven't expressed to, that you haven't equilibrated the charge of, then imagine this, it's like a half spin of a, you could say a negative energy.
That's in [00:14:00] your body and what it's doing, it's attracting the people, places and experiences into your life that are trying to support you to love, honor and appreciate the perfection of the past. Now what does that look like in real time? That looks like probably attracting a very similar relationship or a very similar partner just with a different name.
Over and over and over again. How many have been there? Yeah, because there's some medicine and some gold that's there, that's inside that situation that hasn't been rendered as a, as a gateway for your growth and evolution. So you're attracting that situation simply because your body system wants to grow, evolve, and expand.
And so you're trying to draw in similar experiences to the things that happened in the past that you didn't love. So you're drawing that in, but then you keep saying, No universe, I don't want that anymore. I don't want that. Keep pushing it away, keep [00:15:00] pushing it away, and something you keep pushing away, what does it do?
Gets bigger, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And so it's listening and asking that thing that's showing up, Why are you here? What are you trying to show me? What's present that you're bringing into my field of awareness? And where can I express what I didn't express, feel what you didn't feel, and let that energy move and vibrate in your body, rather than just keep pushing it down.
Because if you keep pushing it down, it manifests as disease, as cancer, as all of these different ailments in the body, simply because we haven't been feeling. So really a healthy nervous system feels deeply. Now that doesn't mean you're in catharsis 100 percent of the time. But when anger comes up, anger gets expressed.
It's like, look at happiness and sadness. When someone's really happy, we're not like, Oh my God, Lotus. You're really happy today? Did you take your pills? It's all the pills you have, you know. [00:16:00] Did you take them? Because you're way too happy. Like, I think something's wrong. But when someone's sad, we're like, Oh my God, you're sad.
Let me fix you. Let me make you all better because I feel uncomfortable because you're sad. Did you get that? That's often what's happening in society. Someone's sad. They're making, their sadness making me feel uncomfortable. Let me give them a tissue so that they are all better. Here, here, here. Please take that tissue so I don't have to feel the uncomfortability of your sadness anymore.
So yeah, there's a, there's a lot here and we'll be weaving all of this into throughout this week. But I'm starting with this now because this is, to me, one of the most important pieces. And with the nervous system, it can be really easy to get stuck up [00:17:00] into the mind with all the different you know, there's amazing.
Courses you can go on. I'm not like a nervous system expert, but I've been working for bodies for over 16 years, so I'm quite good with reading bodies and what's happening. And I understand enough and my geek can dive into it a lot and to understand these pieces. But I also know when it comes to being present with someone.
They don't really care about dorsal or ventral or parasympathetic. They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Just be with me. And that's ultimately what you're learning to do is just to be with them. And your mind might have all the reasons, understandings of what's happening inside of them. They don't even really need to understand.
You're understanding this on a cognitive level so that when it comes to your practice as a practitioner and your practice inside your own inner world you can Recognize the times and the spaces when you need to express, when you need to feel, when you need to move [00:18:00] your body, when you need to express the frustration inside.
And noticing, and I've noticed this huge inside myself, even though I can feel the part of me that needs to go beat the fuck out of a pillow, I'm like trying to mentally justify why I shouldn't. Who knows this? They're like, no, that I'm too good for that. I've done that before! But think about all the times in your life when you didn't.
And the backlog of energy and moments, and the times when you didn't express, and you didn't communicate, and you didn't let your voice be heard. And that's literally a backlog of energy. So part of what we're doing is we're getting empty. And by getting empty, we're equilibrating the charges of our past by breathing, sounding, and feeling them.
So that we can actually hold a place of presence. And what does presence mean? Presence means I'm here, with you. I'm not [00:19:00] future projecting into the, into the future. And I'm not going back into the past. I'm right here, now. And by not going back into the past, there's a level of cognitive equilibration and appreciation for what's happened.
As well as somatic expression of what hasn't been felt, so that brings me here. And the same thing when I future project into the fantasy, into the moment that I think is going to be better than now. It's breaking down that fantasy so that I can actually show up as a being that's present here, sounding and connecting into my body, into my center.
Deep breath in.
So I want to open up for any questions that might be alive on this. Yeah. So I'm trying to put it together so I[00:20:00]
can, like, bring in what I learned, what I experienced, into this. I've done quite 35 and 40, quite a lot of SE, Semantic Experiencing, on my own. And I also in my teachings, I learned about that. Then, but I feel now, looking back, that actually those are somehow also good tools, but they blocked somehow my energy, because I couldn't completely cry, I couldn't get mad.
It was more like, stay with it, stay slow, move between the different polarities and and it was like okay that was also helpful but somehow I needed actually what came afterwards is really being allowed to really cry to be angry to to stomp them and [00:21:00] so and now I'm in this place like okay I need okay
Differentiate, and all that tools of, as being, where do they, where do they have, where it needs to be. Somehow, one answer I have now, is like, well actually it helps, maybe, in between the gap, if somebody can't get into their body and dissociate. So this little bit. So if I hear you correctly, there's a part of your brain that's through somatic experiencing very much.
Fragmenting the place [00:22:00] to which you feel like you need to work with someone and not allowing the naturalness of what's alive to be there. Is that accurate? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And what comes up for me when you ask that is, we live in a society that often cognitively is expressing our emotional body. We're so used to our emotional body, not actually, like, when someone asks you how you feel, we often go into deep philosophical explanations that are coming from our mind, not our body.
And so what I see in a lot of, you know, there's different levels of somatic experiencing, I've done a lot of that, is sometimes it's somatic experiencing through the mind. And it's not actually, like, letting the somatic aliveness express through our body. And, and, you know, if we look at this current crazy, you know, meme thing going around between a woman meeting an animal or a bear in the woods.[00:23:00]
It's like, we're often afraid of that bear because there isn't a place in our society that lets the wildness express. And so even in these deep, profound, somatic moments when we're dopping into our body, it's still like, oh no, it has to be done like this, do do do do do do do, and I'm like fuck off. Like let the, the, the full aliveness of my being.
Move, vibrate, and express without needing to be understood why. One of the biggest gateways of freedom in my own journey and what I see with clients is, and this was such a shift for me, one of the, the, with this though, I remember the first time I took the training with them. And I was in a grassy field in New Zealand and it was pouring rain out.
And I was just crying and crying and I watched my mind, I was so used to analyzing every little thing of why this was happening, why this was happening. I watched my mind trying to come in and figure out what I was doing. And some part of me, I don't think it was my mind, just said, just fucking [00:24:00] leave me alone.
And I just cried. And I cried and I was angry and I let emotions pour through me without reason. Without understanding why. And there was a shift that happened in my own intellectual, academic, everything driven world where I was like, wow, there's a part of the emotional body That doesn't give a fuck about wanting to be understood.
Now that doesn't mean it just needs to be run rampant. But what it means is that with an awareness of giving the freedom of the emotions and the somatic body and the things alive just to express and just to be wild and weird and kooky and whatever else is there then naturally there's going to be an assimilation process that opens up.
And some of the things that we're going to be taking you into here, your mind might be like, what the fuck are we doing? Like this is uncomfortable. This is strange. I don't understand the reason, the why, the, the, the, the, the comprehension of why [00:25:00] that needs to happen. And this is where, when we drop into that space, so much more gets to be revealed.
I don't know if that answers your question, but I feel like there's possible threads of that there. Yeah. I feel like actually it's I appreciate the teacher there then. And it's like, there's a loyalty. I don't actually, my experience is actually much more deeper and much more healing going through deep processes to express.
That's just my experience. And so I think there's like, okay, I felt now like, well, I can let it go with gratitude and without judgment, but actually that's not my way. Exactly. And that's, I love that you bring that in because there's things, like just as we said in the agreement field, there's things that we're going to show you this week that you're like, this doesn't resonate with me.
And I don't want any one of you to be me or to be Lourdes, like you're your own beautiful teacher. And the way in which you assimilate [00:26:00] this work into your life is absolutely amazing. And that's like, you're utilizing all of the tools that you have and just like, and to me, any teacher who's saying, this is the way, and this is the way it has to be done.
It's like, I feel like there's an old paradigm that needs to die, and it's slowly dying because there's a lot of identification of the ego to, this needs to happen like this, and like this, you know. I was just doing interview with Margot Anand, who's kind of like a grandma of Tantra, and I love her.
She's amazing. She's 80 years old, going on, you know, probably 25, and we hang out, she hits on me all the time, we have coffee together, it's great, it's a good time. And I remember the first time I took a training with her, years ago, it was in Spain, and it was a great training, and I enjoyed it. At the end of it, I came up to her and I said, you know, Margo, are you open to feedback?
She looked at me and she's like, no. She could feel I was coming from a loving place, and she's like, yeah, yeah, okay. So I share it, I'm like, obviously you, you're [00:27:00] like, I have so much deep respect and love and everything you've created, and my experience of your co teachers is they're not stepping into their power because they're just trying to be like you.
And she's like, but they're supposed to be like me, because this is the way, and this is the way it happens, and this is the methodology that I taught that needs to be delivered in this A, B, X, Y, Z. And I was like, fair enough, love. Yeah, I gotcha. And, and what I was met in that moment with was just a different paradigm of doing things.
And there is a, we're moving, we're evolving, and in this work more and more. And there is a time and a space where that absolute methodology is a requirement. And there's things that we're going to teach you here that going through each step is important. But then after you go through each of those steps, like assimilate it into your own world.
And, and that's really where you get to have the flavor of your own essence. Because if you're just regurgitating the information that we've shared, then you're not, it's not really you stepping into the [00:28:00] divine genius that you are. And every one of you is a genius. Every one of you has a gift. And our intention is just to inspire and to light that gift up so that you impact all the people in your life.
And the tools that we're sharing take what's there for you and you might have something that gets created from Totally out of nothing. That's just not anything that's ever been seen. Beautiful. Utilize it, flow with it, and this is also what gets me in this field is when I see people copyright the new modality of this, it's like, there's nothing new about you.
This was done 30 years ago and 70 years ago and a hundred years ago just had a different name. Yes. It's beautiful that you've copyrighted it as the X, Y, Z process, and you're gonna now have a lot of ID identification of it for the next 34 years of your life. I celebrate you. And can we go beyond that, please?
Deep breath in.
We have time to reach another couple of questions. Just a [00:29:00] quick one. The name of your, the name you mentioned earlier, of your teacher when you were at university? Yeah, so I had a few teachers. So I did my master's degree at the University of Santa Monica. Which is a was a two year in person Master's in Spiritual Psychology.
It's now online as a certificate program. Amazing. It was basically two very traditionally trained psychotherapists that wanted to create a more experiential program. So we would learn a tool, a technique, and then we'd immediately sit down as a client, as a counselor, as a mutual observer. It was amazing.
It really set me in my journey for my coaching work. And then I was also studying with Michael Beckwith, which is runs a place called Agape, and that's a lot of, like, basically becoming a channel of spirit, and that had a big impact on me at that time. And then another mentor I was studying with as well was Dr.
Demartini, who's kind of a mad scientist, ex [00:30:00] chiropractor has programs that basically break down the meaning of the universe and how we, you know, the origins of the cell and how we live and breathe and If you want to go like deep into mental cognition for a week or ten days of your life, you know, mine fucks the shit out of you today, so.
Highly recommend it if that's your kind of kink. You know, it's been my kink at times. The last one I did with him was many years ago and I feel like I'm still integrating with that. But he's a, he's a dear friend as well. Been working in this field a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Any other questions? Yeah. I'm trying to explain it.
When working with patients What I agree with what you said, to say no, to swear, and everything, but then, validation is, I'll say, more present, and could say, okay, no, but quote, or no, get out. But sometimes, when you disassociate it, so, no, like, it's like, [00:31:00] becomes more intuitive, because it's not like, kind of, you're not really asking at the time, so could you kind of Yeah, I mean, To me, when I see someone beginning to disassociate and not communicate, I'll just I'll give them a little bit of a tap.
Ah, give a little bit of movement in the throat, and you'll see some of this as we're going into sessions together. And all that's doing is just bringing them back into the awareness of the touch that's there. That's some of the, you know, tools in that sense. In terms of their, I don't know if I understand the exact nature of the question, but in terms of the no, I, I find someone that can really just fully honor and express that no, and sometimes there's such a fear of expressing the no for what it means as a child, and what it meant to say no, and what, we weren't allowed to say no, and everything else around that.
So just simply the exercising of that no can start to bring the nervous system back [00:32:00] online more. Because literally all the times we haven't been able to say no, the more that we're able to do that, then we know our capacity to say no when things arise, and then we can communicate that, especially in session space.
I meant more like, when you're told to do some work, sometimes no means to do the work, and no means to come out. And sometimes no means just like, get off me. Transcribed discriminators. Well, yeah, yeah. So, the, you'll see that in the sheet as well. We have safe words. So, the safe words that we'll be using in this space is yellow and red. Yellow means so if I'm working with Lotus and something she goes says yellow I'm just going to pause, I'm not going to remove my hand I'm just going to stay there. I'm going to let her body assimilate to what's happening here. If she says red And I'm just going to slowly take my hands away. I'm not going to go, Oh my god, you said red.
[00:33:00] I'm just going to slowly come away. And in this space, if someone is saying yellow or red, just put your hand up. That way one of us can come over. And then it will end up being a teaching moment for the client, for the, you know, the giver, etc. And these terms, there's other terms, maybe you want to use that.
I find a lot of people, they haven't had a lot of trauma around yellow, or around red. So they're not like, RED! AHH! You know, it's just not fair. I mean, if there is, then maybe have a different safety word. You know, in some, some streams, I use the word avocado at times. So, it's really important as a practitioner that you don't take it personally if the convict is yelling at you, and for you to explain to them how powerful it is for them to yell at whatever perpetrator was in their path.
And that's why when they scream no, [00:34:00] it's your understanding that they're screaming no to someone else. This is why the colors are so valuable. And you know that's the only thing that's about you. And you can feel it, but still, if you're just beginning, those of you who are just beginning, it's really powerful to have this awareness of this is not at all about me.
I am the 10%. This comes from a vago therapy. Harville Hendricks and Helen McKellie Hunt. 90 percent of what's happening when an adult is triggered is from their past. Only 10 percent is from this moment. It's important in understanding couples work as well, and within your own relationships, that you didn't make your partner get so angry.
You reminded them of someone in their past who made them get so angry. The other thing I want to say is how important it is for us to have emotional currency. Emotional currency means I am [00:35:00] emotionally current. So if my client is sobbing, they don't bring on my internal need to sob. I can have empathy for them and you may see tears in my eyes, but I'm not feeling my own pain.
I'm holding their pain. If I saw this in my very first Tantra massage training, where I was riveted in the demonstration, because the demonstration was very, very real, and the, the person there was having huge release of trauma from the past, and I saw several other participants in the class, like, really struggling.
It was very, very real. You know, and I'm here like this energy running through me because I can feel that. And until you can get to that place where a scream feels as good as an orgasm to you Mm-Hmm. observing and holding space for, then you may need to do a lot more emotional release work [00:36:00] so that you can Yeah.
Yeah. And, and ultimately. The client is going to feel, whether consciously or unconsciously, how much you're able to hold for them. And if they feel that they can, you know, scream at you and call you a rapist and all the other things, and you're just going to be there continuing the whole loving presence, then it's actually going to be some of the deepest layers of healing that's, that's allowed for them.
You know, especially when we're going into sessions like this. The nature of this week that we're working with is that there's going to be deep healing for you happening individually, and a lot of learning for you happening professionally. And both are absolutely intrinsically connected, because just as the, you heal all that stuff from the past, you literally empty out your, you know, the rocks you've been carrying in your back for a long time, so that you're able to hold, More spaciousness when [00:37:00] you're in that professional framework and someone's screaming and yelling.
Because you're like, ah, I know that crazy one inside of me. Oh, this is sweet. You know, and, and that took me a long time because I completely negated my emotion about it for a long time in my life. I didn't even know it existed. And so there was a lot of the projection of emotions onto the partners I was with.
And I could own that emotion inside of me. Now when I see it in sessions I'm giving and work I'm doing, it's like You know, I probably have my own kink to that, but that's another story. Any other questions?
And my recommendation with the sheet, I mean, I went through most of the things there is, you know, take, take time. Each of these sheets that we're giving you will get through most of the points, but again, you can read through that, and a lot of what we've been sharing here will land more deeply.
There's different ways in which our, you know, Our minds and our bodies learn. So you can read that sheet and totally [00:38:00] assimilate it. So you can read that ten times and you have no idea what it said. But just by some of you listening in this conversation, you're assimilating things in. So there's different layers of the way in which you're learning and growing and evolving through this week.
Anyone else? I have a question. I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I have a question. Since we are working with clients in such a different way, in a lot of sexual way and everything, how do we stop them from getting attached to us or projecting on us or falling in love with us or thinking that they are?
Yeah, yeah, we'll be speaking into that through this week, but I'll speak into it now. So, because it will be relevant later on today as well. So for me, you know, as a male body doing this work and showing up in the world as a, a male Tantra teacher that also does, you know, deep internal work. There's a lot of projections and plots in [00:39:00] every way, shape, and form that's there.
So, and I'm aware of that. What's really present to me is that the energy that I'm running is going here. I'm running energy like this. I'm not running energy like this. And so, like, I've had at times working with someone that I can, I can feel their projection of their love and lust upon me, and I'm also not shaming them for that.
This is an important piece as well. It's like I'm, you know, like there's a client I'm working with right now,
I can feel that there's a part of her, like, that you know, wants more from me in the relationship, and I'm very clear in my boundaries, and every time I do that, she receives that. Really beautifully, but there's a part of her, because of her own background, that's used to wanting to tend and befriend the people that are close.
So this is her nervous system, assimilating [00:40:00] into what's going to bring her safety. And I keep giving that projection back to her. I say, yeah, I know that, I see that you observe me this way, and this is inside of you. But I'm not shaming her for her erotic body. Honoring it and celebrating it, but doing it with very clear boundaries.
And especially for female bodies doing this work, what, you know, and we'll speak into this more, but when you, if you start to feel any of that energy, it's not a shaming of the energy, it's just like, and let that come back to you. And there's different ways and tools and practices, especially when it gets into hands on the body that you're able to do.
But yeah, that's a great question. And the other piece of this, and this is more of a shadow haunting piece inside of all of you, is often the clients that you're bringing into your life are, you know, I don't think I even need to say it. They're giving you something that you're probably not receiving. And so [00:41:00] what part of you is unconsciously attracting that and then saying you don't want it?
Does that make sense? And this, this is where, like, shadow work is such an important piece to be a healthy practitioner. Because if not, you're like, oh my god, I love these people, they just want to love me, and they're just, they just keep giving me their undivided love, and what do I do with this? It's so terrible.
Oh my god, this doesn't serve me in any way. Yeah? Yeah. You get what I'm saying? So this is a really important piece and what this does is it ultimately, when you're able to track those shadow pieces and do the shadow work necessary, and I'll take you into some practices and pieces of that as well this week, is that ultimately you're then going to be able to hold a more solid container of presence.
of love, of awareness, that isn't going to be thrilled. There might be projections that might get thrown on you, but the only projections that are going to land are the ones that are [00:42:00] sticky enough to stick. And if there's nothing to stick onto, then they can just keep trying to grab them, but it's not that you're trying to, like, deflect them away, you're just, there isn't anything to grab onto.
So eventually they're like, Oh, this person is just going to love me without attachment. This doesn't mean I need to fuck them or have sex with them or anything else like that. No, it just means that they're showing up and loving service for me. And this is some of what happens in the client's brain through time and space.