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The crucial differences which distinguish human societies and human beings are not biological. They are cultural. This quote by Ruth Benedict proves to be true time and time again. Society is determined by how that group of people operate. Each person belongs to at least one culture, and often belong to several subcultures at the same time. And yet, with all of these different cultures out there, people tend not to know how a person from another culture operates. Cultures can teach us a whole new world view, and while that doesn't necessarily mean we need to adopt that culture, it can certainly help us relate to the people in that culture. Mentoring is often a bridge between cultures. The mentor will more than likely have a different set of experiences in their life than their mentee will. Zach and John are back this week to talk through what kinds of things different cultures can teach us, how we can be open to learning from other cultures in our mentoring relationships, and how all of that factors in to Zach walking into a skate shop in Waco.
Show Notes
The crucial differences which distinguish human societies and human beings are not biological. They are cultural. This quote by Ruth Benedict proves to be true time and time again. Society is determined by how that group of people operate. Each person belongs to at least one culture, and often belong to several subcultures at the same time. And yet, with all of these different cultures out there, people tend not to know how a person from another culture operates. Cultures can teach us a whole new world view, and while that doesn't necessarily mean we need to adopt that culture, it can certainly help us relate to the people in that culture. Mentoring is often a bridge between cultures. The mentor will more than likely have a different set of experiences in their life than their mentee will. Zach and John are back this week to talk through what kinds of things different cultures can teach us, how we can be open to learning from other cultures in our mentoring relationships, and how all of that factors in to Zach walking into a skate shop in Waco.
Reach out to John:
john@middleman-ministries.org
Check out Middleman Ministries:
https://www.middleman-ministries.org
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Reach out to John:
john@middleman-ministries.org
Check out Middleman Ministries:
https://www.middleman-ministries.org
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. Zach Arce is here with his friend, John Bernard.
Speaker 3:Hey. Good morning. I don't understand.
Speaker 2:I'm always so interested to know how how you're gonna start off.
Speaker 3:I haven't I haven't I'm I'm kinda shopping catch phrases. Things that you might see on a t shirt.
Speaker 2:You have not figured it out yet?
Speaker 3:No. No.
Speaker 2:Gosh. That's so funny to me. Well, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, mentors of all ages, welcome back to the pod. We are here today to talk about a lot of really cool stuff that has to do with mentoring in Jesus, and kids, and mentors. So but before we get started, I just kinda wanna share with you guys where we're at today.
Speaker 2:This is my first cup of coffee that I'm currently drinking. And, typically, I have a couple of cups before the podcast starts. But today, you guys are catching me first cup. Wow.
Speaker 3:So that's you know, that level of vulnerability is so encouraging to us all. We feel like you've in a way, you've kinda just let us in.
Speaker 2:Well, guys, but speaking of coffee, John Barnard brings the same coffee cup to our podcast every other week. And I asked him, hey, how come this coffee cup is so special to you? He says this is his work coffee cup.
Speaker 3:Yeah. You know, I don't know. If if there was a way, Zach, that we could communicate more with those that join us as listeners to be able to see if this is something that it might be more of a universalism than you think because right? This is my kinda Monday through Friday coffee mug.
Speaker 2:But the, quote, unquote, work coffee cup says what does it say?
Speaker 3:Well, this particular mug man, we're about to lose anybody that was vaguely interested in in in listening to us. This this is from a little diner in Brenham when I lived there, and I go there from time to time. And this I was also born in 1973. And so at this point, when I bought this mug, it was a 1973 to 2008 celebrating 35 years of home cooking.
Speaker 2:So you've had that mug for?
Speaker 3:Since since 2008, 2009, something
Speaker 2:like that. Yeah. Man. You know? You are just They
Speaker 3:had some stock. They had some stock backup.
Speaker 2:I'm sure they did.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I like so I like regional coffee mugs.
Speaker 2:But what's even more funny is John has what he calls a recreational coffee mug.
Speaker 3:It's just a little bit more playful.
Speaker 2:That he that he uses on the weekends.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Let's not talk too much about that just yet. That's gonna leave some mystery there. And I'll I'll tell you what, if we ever get the chance to maybe meet on a Saturday or, I mean, maybe Sunday is out of the question.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Because we're gonna be at church. Duh. Right. All day.
Speaker 2:Worshipping the Lord.
Speaker 3:Right. Entertaining Sabbath. But yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay. So while we're talking about this stuff, guys and gals, if y'all haven't picked up on this, John's been on the podcast a lot. Guys, I like them. And John and I couldn't be any more different. I think
Speaker 3:that there are some things about us that are that are differently. Like like, physically speaking, we are the exact opposite. As tall as you are, I am equally short. As handsome as you are, I am equally repulsive. Everything yeah.
Speaker 3:We we are a lesson in in opposites. We should go and and tour and travel and speak to young children about about polar opposites.
Speaker 2:And just how different people can be friends when they really don't have a ton in common. Exactly. Yeah. Besides Jesus and mentoring. Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So whenever John and I met, we are fairly different. We like different things. Like, if, you know, let's let's go back to high school here and use the stereotypes. I'm probably more of the jock type guy.
Speaker 2:I go to the gym. I like watching sports ball.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I do my hair. I currently have in my hair gel.
Speaker 3:Do you currently have a shirt that's tucked into a a a pant?
Speaker 2:I tuck in my shirt.
Speaker 3:Yeah. There you go. That that might be a I can't tell you the last time that I had to do that. And every time I do it, whether it be for a court hearing or a wedding, I'm thinking, I hate doing this.
Speaker 2:Yeah. See, I I tuck my shirt in every day. Oof. And so There you go. Just John and I come from different worlds.
Speaker 2:I mean, I come from Dallas, which John doesn't like Dallas. I love Dallas, but Dallas has kind of its own little culture. Yeah. That's a whole other podcast. You know, we tend to care what people think.
Speaker 2:We care about looks, status, style, things like that. Yeah. John's from Houston. Yeah. And Houston is
Speaker 3:In South Houston, to be exact. Not like Sugar Land.
Speaker 2:We're gonna get an email from the from the I don't know what the Sugar
Speaker 3:Land the mayor?
Speaker 2:Yeah. The Sugar Land Chamber of Commerce. John is from Houston. He's a skater. He has a beard.
Speaker 2:He probably hasn't showered this week. And, you know, John is just flies by no. That's not the term we're looking for. He beats to what is it? Beats to the
Speaker 3:you mean march to the beat of a different drummer?
Speaker 2:Yes. March to the
Speaker 3:beat of a different drummer. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I love it.
Speaker 3:Well, thank you. So I think that there's just a mutual admiration here, and that's what maybe that's what we see in each other, what we don't have. And if we were to combine, we would create the perfect human being.
Speaker 2:That is probably true. But how how John and I met is because my son, Steven, well, he likes skating, and he is currently 6 years old. And John and I met at some, like, nonprofit thing, and we said hi. Then I went home, and a couple weeks later, my son said, hey, dad. I think I wanna start skating.
Speaker 2:And I said, I know a guy. And that's how I called John, and that's how we started to hang out. And so skating actually brought us together, and I will be the first to say I have never known anyone who skateboards.
Speaker 3:You didn't know any skateboarders growing up?
Speaker 2:No. I don't think they have skateboards and dolls.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:And then I have never been on a skateboard before because I'm a giant. Yeah. And I would probably die. Let's be honest. It's a long way down.
Speaker 3:Yes. There's a high center of gravity there that I think that you're entertaining.
Speaker 2:Yes. But skating brought us together. That's right. And specifically, my son's love for skateboarding.
Speaker 3:Hey. What was his exposure to do you have any idea? Like, where would he see it?
Speaker 2:I have
Speaker 3:no idea. Yeah. In a show No. You know, a character skateboarding, something like that.
Speaker 2:So my son, Steven, he just kinda wants to be different. And his older brother, ZJ, is kind of a lot like me. Mhmm. So he wants to be the opposite. And so, obviously, even my son, Steven, knows the opposite of me is some skateboarding guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So John and I started to hang out. Turns out he's super cool, and we like to hang out with each other. I think he likes to hang out with me. But we are here today on the podcast to talk about cultures and how different cultures can teach us new things and how it's important for us to engage and to put ourselves into new cultures so that we can learn more about who we are and learn more about different kinds of people, specifically if we're trying to mentor kids who come from just totally different circumstances than we do.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. And so, John, why don't why don't you share what you thought whenever I called you that one day and said, hey, John. I wanna buy my kid a skateboard. What do I do?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, from being from skateboarding as long as I have, there was a time I can kinda hearken back to the days before online retail and such. You know, back back then, the skate shop was like the the communal hub for all things within your kind of regional activity of skateboarding. Right. That's where you go.
Speaker 3:And it wasn't just about being able to to find, you know, components for your board. It really was kind of like the meeting place and where where your culture really was. And so, like, the skate shop owner was kind of the glue of the community, and and we even find that, like, today with doing skate ministry. If I go to a new city, I'll go to the skate shop, not only, you know, the skate park because there are more and more of those throughout the country, but also the the skate shop because that's going to be where, you know, like anything else, activities and events are planned. And so kids kinda just know, you know, that they can go there and kinda hang out because skate shops for skaters have always traditionally been a cool place to just kinda be.
Speaker 3:You know, music's playing. You get to see all the products up on the walls hanging out. And then, like, even from there, you might go to a a spot where you're gonna go skate and kind of incrementally come back throughout the day, that kind of thing. Okay.
Speaker 2:So it's it is the hub. It is the hangout spot. It is the meetup place. For sure. It's home base.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And and I'll say too, like, I kinda miss the fact that that that's all we used to have back in the day, and now, you know, of course, you can be online and you don't have to yeah, talk to a soul and you can you can order all your things. And so it was kinda cool and important for me to tell you, like, hey. Because we live in Waco, we have a really good shop. Now it's a little bit untraditional in the sense that it's also I mean, what else, you know, can you buy there?
Speaker 3:Well, you can buy a boat.
Speaker 2:So this skate shop is 3 quarters boat shop Yes. And a 4th skate shop.
Speaker 3:That's right. That's right.
Speaker 2:And they're in the same building. I mean, you can walk from a skateboard. You can literally walk 15 feet to a motorboat.
Speaker 3:This is true. This is true. And you know what? Even that though, I can tell you because it it just triggered a memory. Back in the late eighties, I remember visiting San Antonio with my family because my stepdad's from there, and going into, like, an Ace Hardware that had, you know, a lot of guys will tell you, oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Hardware stores, you know, from time to time would have, like, a little corner where they would carry skateboards and stuff as well, and so and I can remember going to a hardware store and there being a tiny little skate shop at inside as well.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, that's pretty on brand, man. That's pretty hardcore stuff. You know? We call that a Kora shop, by the way, that idea. Okay?
Speaker 3:Okay. Is it a Kora shop, or is it maybe a shop? Because, also, the alternative is in the mall. Have you ever been to a mall skate shop before? Like a No.
Speaker 3:Okay. Good. Don't just don't do that. Okay. That's fine.
Speaker 3:I mean, listen. Well, you you've gotta get what you, you know, what you've gotta get, but we like those those little mom and pop kinda places to go. And so, anyway, I I said, hey. Why don't you go to our our communal skate shop there, and would you wanna share about maybe that day or that opportunity you had?
Speaker 2:And I went, and I I took my kid. And not only did I take my kid, I took the whole family.
Speaker 3:Oh, did you? Uh-huh. Okay.
Speaker 2:So it was me and my wife and my 2 sons and my daughter, And we walk in, and we're immediately just encountering a dog. So there is this old dog that comes up and starts, you know Getting to know you. Doing its dog thing. Yeah. And I'm just, like, where am I?
Speaker 2:Like, there's boats on this side, there's skates on this side, skateboards. Mhmm. Sorry. Not skates, it's just something like Yeah. Easy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Sorry. And I spent probably an hour there, and I talked to the owner. Mhmm. He's a gray guy.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. And for the next hour, I was just immersed in this culture that I had no idea existed. I mean, he's telling me about things that I've never even heard of before. Like, I just thought that you went in there and just purchased a skateboard. It turns out that you've gotta buy, like, 15 things, and it costs like $300.
Speaker 2:Right. But, I mean, I found out that there was this whole different way of living that I had never been exposed to before. And John has been in this world for, I mean, what, 35 years?
Speaker 3:Yes. It's crazy. It is crazy.
Speaker 2:So John John loved hearing what I experienced when I, quote, unquote, walked into his world.
Speaker 3:100%.
Speaker 2:And he thinks it's, like, the funniest thing in the entire world because here I am, this, like, 6 foot 8 guy wearing, like, boots that had just been shined. I've got my shirt tucked in. I've got my daughter. I'm driving in in my Chevy Suburban. You know, hey, kids.
Speaker 2:Let's go get a skateboard. Mhmm. And just like walk in, and they're listening to stone, you know, pimple pilots, and it's just great.
Speaker 3:Oh, man.
Speaker 2:But we talk about this today because isn't that what we do as mentors? We get to find a mentee that we may or may not have a lot in common with, and we get to leave our world. We get to leave what we feel like is comfortable, what we have known our entire lives, and we get to enter into their world, and we get to discover the way that they live, and we get to discover what they see as important and what they experience on a day in and a day out basis. And I'm just here to tell you right now that if you don't see the importance of where they come from or their culture or what they live each and every day, it's gonna be really hard for you to build a relationship with this kid.
Speaker 3:Bam. That's it. I think that's the key right there. Yeah. Culture is so important.
Speaker 3:And, you know, when you're young, I I will. Really, it's important at every stage of life, but especially when you're young, when you are working on forming your very identity and understanding what it means to really have community and and understanding you know, you remember when you're young, you you attach yourself to a culture and especially if it's one that kind of affords you the opportunity to kind of be looking at those who enjoy the same thing you do, whether it be sports, skateboarding, music, anything else where you're kind of looking to adults as they are really good at what they do, and then you wanna emulate that as well. So, I mean, it's the built in of becoming a part of something that's bigger than who you are, and that's obviously what so many teenagers need in their life to realize, oh, okay. I do I do matter. Right?
Speaker 3:And so we get to speak into that as mentors and we get to value that and that's why I think as you as you put it well, it's just something that we should be mindful of and understand. We want to be real careful not to not to demean a culture if we don't value it as much as they do. And then to also understand that there are things that they're getting from it that maybe we don't get or in the same way, we don't get from the things that we value in our culture that we're a part of. But when we kinda think about it, oh, wait. You know, the how may be different, but the what is the same.
Speaker 2:Yep. And I think for some people out there who have a mentee, you might be exactly like your mentee. You might be the same race. You might be from the same city. You might have the same likes, and just that's that's probably gonna be a little bit easier for you guys to find common ground to start your mentee mentor relationship.
Speaker 2:However, I also know lots of mentors out there who they don't have a thing in common with their mentee. They are not the same race. They don't come from the same, you know, parts parts of a city. They don't have the same likes. And so and so the I think that that does present an obstacle in building a relationship with your mentee.
Speaker 2:Now you can overcome that. It's just gonna take a lot of intentionality and a lot of humility to say, I I am gonna leave my world, and I'm gonna enter in, and I'm I'm just gonna learn. And so, John, the 2 of us were talking earlier, and you said this quote, you can learn something new every time you open yourself up to a new environment.
Speaker 3:Yeah. A lot of that has to do, I think, with just what what your posture is when you maybe do interact with an environment or a culture that is not really yours. Man, what a great opportunity to understand that you're kind of a visitor in something. You know? It may be a different a different culture altogether, a different ethnicity, or, you know, being around the people who speak a different language.
Speaker 3:All all of those are always great opportunities to really kind of enjoy that. And knowing that you're going into a situation like that where you may feel uncomfortable because you don't know the norm and, you know, you don't wanna offend, well, again, I think that's a really great way to be because, again, you're realizing, I wanna be open to this. I know that this matters to this person, and this person matters to me. And so what what can I learn? What can I see?
Speaker 3:I mean, I think that's just a great thing to offer to the Lord when you, you know, maybe have an something on the calendar that you're going into of just saying, God, as I'm here with these people, allow me just to see what you want me to see and to have an open posture and to know that I'm just a guest here and and really kind of enjoy this time and and see what you have for me to learn. And that could be a great asset to you if you're building that relationship with a mentee who is a part of that culture.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. For sure. And I think that I think that that takes a ton of humility. And I think that you have to come in, and you have to observe, and you have to ask a lot of questions, and you have to be intentional about doing your homework to figure out how things work there and to figure out what is the norm and what do they value and what do they see as important. I mean, you know, I think about the Bible, and whenever in the New Testament they were trying to spread the gospel, they probably interacted differently if a city was, you know, mostly people who were Jewish as opposed to people who were, you know, mostly gentile.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. And so you have to be aware that, like, there are differences, and that does matter. And so you have to figure out how to work in their culture, how to work in their environment. And I think that that's hard, especially if you've been doing something the same way for a really, really, really long time. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:I mean, like, I I think about going to a a foreign country to try to be a missionary, and I think I've talked about this before. But if if you go to let's say that you're gonna go to Asia, and you're gonna spread the gospel. You're gonna be a missionary there for 5 years, 10 years. What's the very first thing you do? Well, you have to figure out their culture, to figure out what what is important to them, what they value, how they speak.
Speaker 2:You have to figure out, just how they do things. And if you try to do things in Asia how they're done in America, you're probably not gonna last very long, and you're probably not gonna have too much success. You have to humble yourself, and you have to learn so that you can so that you can achieve what it is that you're trying to achieve.
Speaker 3:And the cool part about the context of mentor to mentee relationship with something like this is think about the great opportunity that you get to be able to ask your mentee about certain things. If if they are, you know, a skater, if they are involved in a certain sport, and, man, what a great opportunity for you to learn from them because you're gonna recognize them as the expert in it. So you want to get their perspective on it, and that that really opens the door for these really great questions to be asked and they, I think, will really respond well to the fact that, oh, you're interested in this. You know, the thing that I love or the or the or what really values what what I value more than anything else, you asking me questions because you wanna learn about that thing. I think that's a really great way to connect in a very natural way to empower your mentee to really be the authority on that.
Speaker 3:And so that's a good that's a great opportunity when we do kind of have these culture clashes to be able to really let them speak into something, and, man, they'll they'll really take you up on that.
Speaker 2:And anytime you can let your mentee be the expert, anytime that you can show them that they are adding something to your life, that is just a massive win. Mhmm. Because that gives them self confidence. That makes them feel like not only are you investing into them, but they're also investing into you. And it's important for us to say, hey, man.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that. Like, thank you so much for sharing that with me. Thank you so much for allowing me to enter into, you know, enter into this new thing that I had no idea about. Mhmm. Like, so what does it mean to relate to your mentee?
Speaker 2:And, like, what does it mean, John, for you to enter into someone else's world?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So relating is interesting because we can kinda think of it maybe in one of 2 ways where to say, well, we can relate to each other because we're exactly the same. Or you kind of realize, hold on, you know, under the surface of these things that may be temporal or that may be kind of specific to a culture, it's really the things that bind us that are that are in a more general sense. So like I mentioned, maybe the maybe the how is different, but but the what is is the same. You know, we may take a different route to get to the same place in that way in terms of how we kinda relate to each other in community, in acceptance, in worth, and just kind of, you know, mutual understanding.
Speaker 3:So that's kind of the the thing that we as a mentor get the opportunity to to have a little bit more perspective on, to say, okay. What really could be quickly seen as something that's very different about us, actually, we're not so different when you really kinda think about it. You know? Because, again, how we get to something that we value as far as how we relate to each other, that that act of relating, there's room for difference, and still we can see eye to eye on the thing. Is that making any sense whatsoever?
Speaker 2:It's great, buddy.
Speaker 3:Am I just I I may have had some circular logic in that.
Speaker 2:No. No. No. No.
Speaker 3:Using the same word to define the word.
Speaker 2:No. No. No. I I think that's what happened with us. I mean, like, we on on the surface, we don't have anything in common, quote unquote.
Speaker 2:That's me making my air quotes. Yeah. Quote unquote. But after we had a couple conversations, you know, we're sitting here being, like, we do the same thing. It just looks so much different.
Speaker 2:And, like, that's what I love about mentoring and that's what I know that we haven't had people on the show in a while because I've just been lazy, but that's why I love interviewing different non profits that are mentoring, because it's about building relationships. And you can build relationships through dancing. You can build relationships through an after school program. You can build through skateboarding, through basketball, through art. I mean, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:People all across America are advancing the kingdom and mentoring kids in the name of Jesus by by completely different ways. Mhmm. And it's beautiful, and it's amazing, and we can all learn from each other.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So Yeah. So I think that sometimes also in the matter of relating, we think that it is about, okay. This kid likes this. I should be able to do this, or this kid values this.
Speaker 3:I should be the the thing that this kid values. So if it's an activity, well, I wanna be the very best at that so that when they see me, they see, oh, man. There's there's value here. I think that it's a good challenge for us as mentors to think, well, what if it's really not about my ability in a thing that this kid values, but instead the heart, which is to say, gosh, I don't need to be a a great skater to be able to have something really valuable to say or to pour into this kid's life. Because, especially, with skating with with maybe some other kind of niche activities, it's really not about that one thing.
Speaker 3:It's really more about the heart behind it. And I can say that, you know, with being able to spend time with kids, they'll they've got a nose for it, and they'll just kinda say, oh, okay. I can I can actually sense why you're in this? You know? If it is to kinda get some props as as to because you're really good at this thing and you want me to say that you're really good or that, you know it really has to be about the care and about the love and about the service, and you'll find out pretty quickly if that's really the the intent behind it.
Speaker 3:So that's what you
Speaker 2:can't sacrifice is is your is your love for for your mentee. And I think one one of the one of the questions that I get the most is, hey, Zach. I have a heart to mentor, and I really wanna do it, but I don't have anything in common with this kid. He will think I'm too old. He won't think I'm cool enough.
Speaker 2:I don't know what the kids watch these days. I I can't do it. I don't have anything in common with this kid. And while I will say, yeah, the more you have in common with them, the easier it is, sometimes. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:I'll also say some of the best mentors I know have nothing in common with their kid. And so if you are hearing this today or if there's someone in your non profit who is not mentoring or who is scared to mentor because they don't have anything in common with their kid, I would just say that the only thing you need to do is to show up and to love this kid unconditionally and give him someone to look up to. Show up. You yourself love God, and then love them unconditionally, and just champion him. Right?
Speaker 2:And then when you encounter something that you don't understand, ask a bunch of questions and be humble enough to enter into their world and be intentional to try to learn how they do things and why things are why they do what they do or why they see what they see as important. And let's just make sure that we're keeping the main thing the main thing. As a mentor, the main thing is not for your mentee to think that you're cool. As a as a mentor, the main thing is not for you guys to have a ton of things in common. The main thing is you're giving them the love of Jesus Christ that you have received through your own relationship with Jesus.
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 3:Amen.
Speaker 2:The main thing is love, and what can we do to show our mentees that on a day in and a day out basis?
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. We get this great privilege as the mentor to be able to have that perspective of understanding that we really wanna look beyond what's on the outside and not get hung up on that, not let that be a stumbling block for us, whether it be a difference in culture or, as you mentioned, just the things that can sometimes be the the the catch for us. We listen to different music. We've seen different movies. You know?
Speaker 3:We're gonna we're gonna have a different take on on things. Don't let those be what really matters, but instead, seeing through that, looking at the heart of our our mentee and looking at the heart of the issue to say that, oh, man. What's what what's really most important is understanding how this kid processes acceptance, and we wanna make sure to give that to them 100 percent. There's no kind of matter of condition. Okay?
Speaker 3:They might like a lot of cool things and that's great, but we don't value them and we don't consider them any anymore because they they really like these cool things, man. They're they're cool to begin with. And we're just value you know, we just enjoy spending time with them, hearing from them, knowing what they value and wanna confirm that in them. And again, that could be very different than what our personal tastes are. And I think that's a really great opportunity that we get as one who invests in to be able to kinda just put our ourselves to the side and enjoy and kinda soak up what what our kids are are all about and what they value as well.
Speaker 3:So different isn't bad. It's just different.
Speaker 2:Man, that that is a great saying because I obviously, we all do things differently, and people from different cultures, people who like different things, people who have different kinds of different kinds of things that they enjoy doing, it's not bad. Just because it's not how you do it, that doesn't mean that's bad. It's it's just different. You know? I might hang out at the gym.
Speaker 2:I might go to go to play some basketball, and that's where I hang out with all of all of my friends. That's where we meet up. You might go to the skate shop. The kid that you mentee might go to, you know, the baseball field, or they might go to the dance studio, or they might go to, you know, a park. I don't know what they do.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. But just because it's not the same as you, that doesn't mean that that it's bad. It just means that it's different. And I think one thing that I like to ask myself often is, are you trying to turn your kid into into you? Are you trying to make a disciple of yourself?
Speaker 2:Are you trying to make a disciple of Jesus? And if you can continue to to keep the main thing the main thing. Okay. I am I am here to love this kid with the love of Jesus, and I'm trying to help him look more like Jesus and to be and to know the person of Jesus Christ, then that can help you overlook things that might make you feel uncomfortable. Right.
Speaker 2:If you are a mentor and you are mentoring a kid who comes from a total totally different culture than you, the first time that you experience that, there might be a little a tiny bit of tiny bit of culture shock. And I think that that's okay. It's okay to observe and be like, oh my gosh. Like, what what is this? Like, what have I gotten myself into?
Speaker 2:But don't be scared of that. But instead, have the courage to enter into that and have the courage to engage and have the humility to to learn how they do things. We can't let the outside be more important than the inside Mhmm. Because what matters is that kid's heart. What matters is love and acceptance and affirmation and that they're known and that they know that we love them just as they are, not as we think that they should be.
Speaker 2:Because there's more than one way to do things. There's more than one way to skin a cat. I don't even know what that saying means. But
Speaker 3:I don't know why you'd want to to skin it in the first place.
Speaker 2:I don't get that either. But all of that being said, there is more than one way to do things. And just because it's not the way that you would do things, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So anything else you got on that, John?
Speaker 3:Man, I don't think so.
Speaker 2:Alright. Cool.
Speaker 3:So go out there. I mean, what's some homework here? What do we what's some handlebars that we're gonna put on this?
Speaker 2:I think just the most important thing for a mentor I shouldn't say the most important thing, but one of one of the most important things is that they have the humility to learn their mentee and what they like and what they how they live life. Yeah. To enter into their world and to be super curious about how how they live life, what they think is important. I think we all can we all can focus in on that, and it'll help us build a build a relationship with our mentee.
Speaker 3:For sure. So maybe even if it's when you're in the course of a conversation or a time with your mentee and you you hear about or you kind of begin to experience something that maybe give makes you a little uncomfortable that you lean in on that and that opportunity and realize, hey, is this an opportunity that can be teachable for us and that and not just what my mentee is gonna learn in this situation, but what can I learn from them? Right? I'm talking about empowering to say, hey, maybe ask some questions of your mentee, and and, again, let them be an authority about something, and that's a really great opportunity for that relationship that you're working to form to just be that much stronger.
Speaker 2:And I think as a mentor, anytime you can connect the dots to show that on the outside, it looks like you might not have some things in common. But if you open up the hood, you have a whole lot more in common than you might think.
Speaker 3:That's right. And that's when you can actually speak into, like, a universalism, right, to say, hey. You know what? When I do this, it means that I feel this way, or it kind of gives me the feeling of of this. And when I see you do this, I think that maybe you get the same thing.
Speaker 3:So you can, again, just be very kind of intentional about saying, hey. Even though we kinda take different roads to get there, it ends in that we feel like we're a part of the community that's bigger than us, you know, and that's something that that every human being needs to feel. Mhmm. So lots of great teachable moments with that.
Speaker 2:And I think anytime that it's obvious that you or they are in an environment that is new, just take time after that to talk about it. Yeah. Right? Like, I mean, let's say that you might take your mentee to church, and he might never have experienced anything like that before. Well, you should probably, you know, take some time to ask him, hey.
Speaker 2:Tell me what you think about that. Tell me how you felt. On the flip side, let's say you take your mentee to church. Well, how many times have we, as mentors, ever asked to go to their church? Or instead of always going someplace in your side of town, how about you going to their side of town?
Speaker 2:I think there's a lot of power in that. And so just I think being intentional about that, yes, it is our job to invite them into our world, but it's also our job to leave our world and to enter into theirs. And then to have the courage to do it because it does take courage. Alright. So thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 2:We talked about what new cultures can teach us. Our friend, Zach, walked into a skate shop and got his world flipped turned upside down. So alright. Well, anything else, John? You good?
Speaker 3:I'm good.
Speaker 2:Alright. Well, thank you for tuning in. If you found some value in this podcast, that's awesome. Share it. Visit us on social media.
Speaker 2:Send us an email. Do all of that good stuff. We love you. We're here for you. Go mentor well in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 2:And remember, you can mentor. Oh my gosh. You can mentor. See y'all.