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Welcome to "No F**ks Given," where we redefine menopause as a superpower. Hosted by Holly Lamb, a women's health coach, who is navigating early menopause. This podcast offers empowering guidance on women's health and navigating perimenopause with confidence. From nutrition tips to fitness advice and mindfulness practices, we cover it all. But here's the twist: it's all about embracing your most authentic, unapologetic self. We're here to help you reclaim your power, say goodbye to societal norms, and live life on your own terms—no f**ks given. Welcome to the revolution!
Holly Lamb (00:00.942)
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the No Fucks Given podcast with me, your host Holly Lamb. So this week's podcast is all about boundaries. Now this is something that most women that I speak to and that I have coached really struggle with. For some reason as women we struggle to set boundaries in our lives and even boundaries just for ourselves.
I was speaking to another coach today who was saying that a client of hers was kind of messaging her at kind of all hours. And it kind of taken on more of a friend relationship rather than a coach relationship. And my first response was boundaries. You need to put boundaries in place because when we put boundaries in place, it helps not only us.
avoid burnout. It also gives the other person an idea of where your boundaries lie with them, which isn't a bad thing. Women are such people pleases. And I think it's been ingrained in us from such a young age, from the media to school, you know, women were there to shut up and put up. And as kids, as little girls, you're told to basically look nice and not say much.
Thankfully, things are starting to change with that. More strong, independent, even girls now are starting to speak their mind and put boundaries in place, which is brilliant. But as we head into perimenopause, setting boundaries becomes even more important. So we are already massively overwhelmed, stressed, cortisol levels are rising, estrogen and progesterone are
slowly declining, but not just declining kind of going haywire. And our ability to handle stress is just so much lower than it used to be. So this is a perfect time to reclaim your power and to put those boundaries in place.
Holly Lamb (02:23.758)
It's very easy to be in this people pleasing era. And I think, especially if you've got children, it's very easy to continue to put other people first, husband, partner, children, anything basically before yourself. But as we know, we have to look after ourselves before we can look after anybody else.
If you think about it in an aeroplane, this is always a good analogy that I like to think of. They always tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping anybody else, which is so true because if you're not breathing, then you can't help anybody else. So if you're getting to the point of burnout, you're just not going to be able to help anybody else. So boundaries when heading into perimenopause become a non -negotiable.
But even if you're listening to this and you're not even there yet, setting boundaries now is the perfect time before we even reach perimenopause. So there's different points in our cycle which we become better at setting boundaries. So if this is completely new and you're thinking, I don't know how I'm going to set boundaries, I always say yes to things, I don't know what to do, start by number one, practicing menstrual cycle awareness so that you know at what...
point of your cycle that you're currently in. So I'm day 20, which is going into inner autumn. And this is the time of the inner critic, but this is a perfect time actually to set boundaries because you basically don't take any shit. It's great. It's a great time. And if you understand that this point in your cycle, that's how you will more than likely feel. You can use that energy to your advantage.
in order to set those boundaries now. Because when you get into like your inner spring and your inner summer and you're all like airy fairy away with the fairies, it becomes more difficult and you're more likely to say yes because you've got more energy and you want to do all the things and it's great. So if you can learn now to set those boundaries when you're in your luteal phase, heading towards your period, it's a perfect practice. So...
Holly Lamb (04:44.462)
Like I can definitely tell that I'm on day 20 and my inner critic and my boundaries are coming up because I just like, will answer with just like, no, I'm not doing that. Nope. And it's okay. Like you're allowed to do that. We're allowed to say no to things that we don't want to do. Like, do you want to go out? No, I want to stay in. I want to do this. Or actually it's a really good time I find for making quick decisions. So we were out today and...
I went to a garden centre and bought some herbs and some potted, what's the word? Plant pots, there we go, brain fog. Plant pots to put them in. And usually I'd be like, don't know which ones or I'm not sure, shall I get them? And today I was like, right, we'll get this one, this one, this one, and then I'll get the five pots and that was it and done. We were probably in and out in about 15 minutes. So understanding your cycle.
is a really good tool in order to basically plan your life around. So yeah, back to boundaries. Use this time in your cycle to learn how to properly set boundaries. So maybe start small, start with a family member perhaps or a friend and just let them know that there's a certain point that you're going to get to and you're going to have to say no.
So for example, if someone invites you out for a drink or a meal and you're just not feeling it, don't come up with an excuse. Just say, unfortunately, I'm not able to make it this time. We can rearrange for another time and just leave it at that. And that's you taking back your power and putting a boundary in place without it being a big deal. I think we think as women that if we set boundaries, then it's coming across as...
like almost rude and stern and we won't be liked. And I know as humans we want to be liked by other people, but the more you do it and the more comfortable you get with it, the more people will respect your boundaries. You know, people respect people in authority because they have boundaries, they have strong boundaries. But I think...
Holly Lamb (07:08.494)
We struggle to do it because we're always in our people pleasing era, which I think we are for a lot of our lives. But as we get into perimenopause, it gives you a time to actually not give a fuck and to put your boundaries in place. And it's just gonna make your life so much easier. Like how liberating is it just to say, no, I don't want to do that. No, thank you. And again, you don't have to give a reason, just say no.
Holly Lamb (08:14.062)
Setting boundaries is a form of self -care as well, because like I said, our stress levels are risen, our cortisol is rising due to the fluctuations in hormones. So our ability to handle stress is so much lower. So setting boundaries becomes part of your self -care routine. And it's true the more that you do it.
the easier it becomes. It may feel scary starting off, but just start with small things. If you've still got children, maybe speaking to your partner and explaining that you're gonna need a little bit more time for you and maybe come up with a plan so that you can have an hour a week away from looking after the kids, whether that's a walk.
or a coffee on your own or a massage, whatever it is. And that's you setting a boundary and honoring your body and yourself. And again, self -care is something that so many women struggle with and think that it's so selfish. And it's not, it's completely required in order for you to avoid losing your fucking mind, which so many women do when they start heading into perimenopause.
It's so overwhelming and stressful. And I was chatting to a friend today and she was kind of feeling quite stressed and overwhelmed with everything that was going on because she'd had an operation and she wasn't able to get back to where she was. And she's in perimenopause as well. And I just said to her, it's about honoring where you are right now. So.
We are cyclical beings, we have seasons in our cycle, but we also have seasons in life. And sometimes your season in life will be a slower season. When we start heading into perimenopause and when we're in our luteal phase, our inner autumn, this is the time to slowly slow down, just to take the foot off the gas. It doesn't mean that you can't still do all the things you want to do.
Holly Lamb (10:38.318)
It just means that you have to realise that you can't go at everything 100 mile an hour like you used to. And that's okay. There's so much pressure put upon women to be this certain type of person, you know, running the household, looking after the kids, working, doing after school events, hosting events, whatever it is. And it's okay to say, I don't want to do that.
Funnily enough, we were talking about Christmas already, I know. I was like, my God. But because we were talking about we were going to go out, because last year on Boxing Day, I had everybody over. And although I love having everybody over, it's a lot to deal with. And this year, I just was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not having everybody over. I want to go out for Christmas dinner. I want to have a nice day. And then Boxing Day, I want to do soddle. I just want to sit in my pajamas.
And that's okay, you're allowed to do that. Because I think for the past two or three years, everybody's come over to ask for Boxing Day. And like I said, it's lovely, but it's a lot. It's a lot of work. And sometimes you just want to be and just chill. And again, dropping that expectation, like there may be expectation for some of my family to think this is happening again this year. And it's not, because I don't want to do it. So it's not happening. And you know.
people will get over it or someone else can host it. Do you know what I mean? It gives other people a chance to kind of grow. So like your no gives other people the opportunity to grow because some people will always rely on you and will use you like a comfort blanket. So if you can kind of take a step away and this could be anyone, it doesn't have to be kids. It could be...
family members who are constantly leaning on you. And I find that sometimes when I talk to certain people, rather than it just being like a catch up and a chat, it feels a bit like a therapy session. Like they're just like word vomiting all the stuff that's wrong with them to me. And it's like, that's fine. We can have this conversation, but I just want to have a bit of a chat and a catch up. Maybe it's just because of the work that I do. I don't know.
Holly Lamb (12:55.086)
So yeah, if you kind of take that safety blanket away, it gives that person the opportunity to stand on their own two feet. And then you're putting a boundary in place. Boundaries aren't scary. They are absolutely necessary as we head through perimenopause, but at any age, because you do not want to be that person that has doormat, you know, stamped on their forehead. Nobody wants that. You don't want that. And you'll get to a point where you'll just...
either snap and you'll just shout at them because you've lost the patience that you've had, or you'll go the other way and you'll just completely lose the plot, which we don't want. We don't want any woman to get to that point. And all it takes is for you to say no. Just say no. Don't give a reason and just know that that's okay.
Holly Lamb (14:11.214)
So I hope that's been of some help to anybody that may be struggling to implement boundaries. And if anything's come up for you and you wanted to discuss it more with me, I would absolutely love to hear from you. You can reach me on Instagram at hormone harmony coach. And I always like to hear back what people think of the podcast. And yeah, thanks so much for listening and I will catch you again next week.