317. Unlearning Overworking: Why Rest Feels Uncomfortable for High Achievers

At the end of 2023, there was this phrase I kept hearing in my head on repeat. 

"It doesn't feel safe to slow down."

I'd end my days feeling completely depleted mentally, physically, and emotionally. And yet I'd still push myself to do more. Sometimes it was work stuff, sometimes it was home stuff. 

But I had this constant, almost compulsive need to be doing something productive at all times. 

Rest felt elusive, like this thing other people could do, once they'd earned it. For me, rest basically just meant sleep. It was a quick reset so I could get up and do it all over again.

Sound familiar?  Let's figure out how we can unlearn that habit.
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Episode Mentioned: 314. The 3 Small Habit Shifts That Changed My Energy, Focus, and CEO Mindset

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Creators and Guests

Host

Megan Gillikin

Wedding Industry Coach + Founder of The Planner's Vault

Producer

Jason Gillikin

CEO and Executive Producer at Earfluence

What is For Real: Life, Leadership, & Unlearning?

For Real is a top 1% podcast for high-achievers who look successful on paper but feel like they’re one group text away from burning it all down. Hosted by Megan Gillikin - serial entrepreneur, business coach, keynote speaker, and recovering people pleaser - this show explores burnout, boundaries, identity shifts, and the brave act of unlearning who you thought you had to be.

With unfiltered conversations, “I thought it was just me” moments, and just enough humor to keep it from feeling like group therapy, For Real is your permission slip to evolve.

Formerly Weddings for Real - and glow-ups look good on us.

00:00:00 - Megan Gillikin
Hey there and welcome to the first official episode under the new name For Real. You're listening to episode 317 and I'm your host, Megan Gillikin. If you're just tuning in after last week's rebrand episode, welcome to the evolved version of the podcast. Weddings for Real started over seven years ago, and what began as a wedding industry podcast turned into something I never could have imagined. A space where honest conversations not just about business, but but about life, leadership, identity, and the messy, beautiful in between seasons that we all go through.

00:00:36 - Megan Gillikin
And as I shared last week, you, my listener, are so much more than your job title or the industry you work in. You're multifaceted, you're layered. You're human. And I want the podcast to meet you in that growth. So as we step into this next chapter with For Real, I'm committed to bringing you more of what you've always loved about the podcast. Real life stories, unfiltered truths, and honest and vulnerable reflections on what it looks like to build a life and a business that you actually want while letting go of what no longer serves you. And since while I'm recording this, it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I figured what better time to talk about a sneaky, very real struggle for my high achievers. And that's rest. Specifically, why it feels so dang hard and what it really takes to unlearn overworking. Let's dive in, shall we? You're listening to For Real, the podcast where we get honest about life, leadership, and unlearning all the outdated beliefs that are holding you back.

00:01:47 - Megan Gillikin
I'm your host, Megan Gillikin. I'm a serial entrepreneur, speaker, business coach, recovering people pleaser, and your unfiltered guide through the messy middle of growth. The part that nobody posts about on social media. Inside each episode, we dive into the habits, mindset shifts, and hard earned lessons that help you build a life and a career you actually want, while letting go of everything that no longer serves you.

00:02:12 - Megan Gillikin
Around here, we ditch perfection. We talk boundaries, burnout, breakthroughs, and we call out the BS that keeps you playing small. So if you're craving deeper conversations, much needed relatability, and full permission to evolve into your next level, you're in the right place. All right, so much to cover in today's episode, so thank you so much for joining me. Whether you're new here or have been with me for years, I'm so grateful you're listening. Today we're talking about unlearning, overworking, and if you've ever Found yourself tired, but still pushing through.

00:02:46 - Megan Gillikin
You're not alone. I remember at the end of 2023, there was this phrase I kept hearing in my head on repeat. And that phrase was, it doesn't feel safe to slow down. I'd end my days feeling completely depleted, mentally, physically and emotionally. And yet I'd still push myself to do more. Sometimes it was work stuff, sometimes it was home stuff. But I had this constant, almost compulsive need to be doing something productive at all times. Rest felt elusive, like this thing other people could do once they'd earned it.

00:03:23 - Megan Gillikin
For me, rest basically just meant sleep. It was a quick reset so I could get up and do it all over again. And the crazy thing is, I used to feel guilty if I wasn't checking in with my team on my quote unquote days off. I'd over communicate my availability. I'd say things like, don't worry, I'm still here. I'm available if you need anything.

00:03:43 - Megan Gillikin
Even when I was supposed to be off the clock. And when I did try to take a break, y' all, I was the queen of finding ways to multitask my rest. I'd listen to a business podcast while I was walking, or a business book. I'd fold laundry while I was taking a call, or listening to a webinar, or I'd scroll and respond to emails on my couch because, you know, I was just relaxing. And this takes me to this meme that I've seen floating around recently, and it says something along the lines of, I desperately need rest. But I wonder if I could also optimize that rest for productivity. And it's funny, but those of us that are high achievers probably think that it's just a little too close to home because we don't really know how to rest. And here's where the tension comes in. You say you want rest, you know you need rest, but when it actually shows up, it feels foreign, feels uncomfortable, maybe even triggering. Because for high achievers, we weren't just taught how to work hard. We were conditioned to believe that rest equals laziness, that stillness equals stagnation, and that not hustling means. Means you're falling behind. And so, of course, rest feels unsafe. Not because it actually is, but because it disrupts that story that we've told ourselves about what makes us valuable.

00:05:00 - Megan Gillikin
And I will tell you, I have heard this in so many coaching sessions that I've done with those in my community. It's that ingrained belief that you have to earn rest after you get through the big event after the difficult soul sucking client meeting, or after you've proven that you're worthy of a break. So let's unpack. How we got here. Overworking, for many of us, myself included, wasn't just something that we eased into. It was modeled, it was praised. While we were growing up, it was how we got love, affirmation, and recognition.

00:05:37 - Megan Gillikin
Maybe for you, you were the responsible one in your family, the helper, the high achiever, the easy one. Maybe you got rewarded in school for overachieving. You know, the extra credit, the leadership roles, the gold stars, the certificates of achievement. Or maybe it was your first job that taught you that whoever stayed latest was the most dedicated. I remember this distinctly in one of my early hospitality jobs out of college.

00:06:04 - Megan Gillikin
My boss would stay so late into the evening that she would go pick up her son from carpool, then bring him back to the office, and he would be laying on the floor, sometimes falling asleep, but she was still working, so we felt like we needed to as well. And then we have to talk about entrepreneurship, because entrepreneurship glorifies the grind. And busy is basically a status symbol. And what I mean by that is if you've ever attended a networking event and it's basically just one big humble brag session about how busy everyone is or how exhausted they are, then that's what I mean. When I talk about glorifying the hustle and the grind of entrepreneurship. And my friend, I say all of this because I've lived it. For me, I proudly wore the achiever identity and the busy badge of honor for over 20 years. And I mean proudly. It felt like proof that I was strong, that I was reliable, and that I was worthy of taking up space in my industry. Until suddenly I was trying to achieve in too many places at once as a business owner, a mom, a leader, a speaker, a coach. And I hit a wall. And that wall, if you've listened to the podcast episodes that I did in 2024, was burnout.

00:07:20 - Megan Gillikin
And it forced me to face an uncomfortable truth, one that I really wanted to look away from and I did not want to acknowledge, and that was that I had equated my worth to with my output. It also meant that I had to recognize that I had been functioning deeply in survival mode and had this ingrained belief that any ball I dropped could be the one that unraveled all of the success that I built.

00:07:47 - Megan Gillikin
And rest. Well, rest threatened that identity. Rest felt unsafe to my nervous system that had been running on urgency and adrenaline for years. In short, rest Felt wrong. And here's the thing that most people don't talk about. Our human brains get used to chaos, to urgency, to external validation from doing it is rampant throughout our society. So when we try to rest our nervous system and our brain goes, this does not feel safe to me. I think we should stay doing what we're doing. It is comfortable and it is known. Let's get back to work. And your brain will fight to keep you in the known and the safe, even if the known is slowly burning you out. So if this is resonating, let me tell you what I've personally had to unlearn and what I still have to consciously work on. Number one is the belief that if I'm not constantly evolving and innovating, I'm falling behind. I've had to work on releasing the fear that if I rest, I'm letting people down or sabotaging my business or my success. And finally, I've had to release the idea that hard work and hustle is the only path to success and that doing things the easy way is unsafe and suspicious. And let me be so clear here, these beliefs weren't just floating around in my head, they were running the show. They felt like facts. In fact, I've described it before. Like they felt like the background noise that I didn't even know was playing on loop.

00:09:25 - Megan Gillikin
But they're not truths, they're patterns. And the good news is that patterns can be unlearned. Unlearning for me has looked like a thousand tiny decisions. Saying no instead of a people pleasing yes. Scheduling white space on my calendar, choosing compassion over guilt and shame and redefining what success looks like for me, not what I've been told it should look like. And I want to dive a bit deeper into something that I know I encountered as I was working through unlearning. And I hinted to this a few minutes ago, and that is that your brain is going to fight to stay on that well worn path of how you've learned to function as a high achiever.

00:10:07 - Megan Gillikin
And it brings me to something that my therapist said last year that stuck with me. The brain will always choose the familiar path, even if it's not the healthy one. And she used this analogy that overworking becomes that well worn path in the woods. It's easy, it's been walked a million times. You don't have to think about it, it's predictable. And deciding to disrupt that, well, it's like grabbing a machete and having to carve out a whole new path through the forest, it's sweaty, it's slow.

00:10:39 - Megan Gillikin
Sometimes you wonder if you should just go back to that well worn path because you're feeling completely lost. Also, side note, it's definitely going to involve a few of those metaphorical spider webs to the face. You know, the ones that leave you sputtering and freaking out and wondering why you chose to take this path to begin with. But with time, that new path, it becomes walkable, it becomes real. And it can become the well worn path that you take. So while unlearning is not instant, it is a muscle that you build. It takes awareness, it takes self compassion, it takes and it takes a lot of practice. But it's not a giant overhaul. It's a collection of small new moves that add up over time. And I can tell you from my own personal experience that when I look back and I think about the version of me two years ago, in some ways she feels almost unrecognizable. Because my brain does not walk that outdated, well worn path of hustling, of overworking, of over delivering and depleting myself in the process.

00:11:43 - Megan Gillikin
That feels foreign to me now, where two years ago what felt foreign was being able to slow down and rest. So let's talk about what real rest can actually look like for you. Especially if you're managing a team, if you're running a business, if you're raising a family, and you're doing all the invisible labor that does not show up on a checklist.

00:12:04 - Megan Gillikin
Because I feel like I can already hear some of you asking, okay, cool, Megan, I get it. But what does this actually look like in real life? So here are three things I've shifted into doing over time. And I go deeper into these and some other strategies in episode 314. So just a few episodes back and I'll make sure that we link that in the show notes for you if you haven't yet listened to that one. But number one is scheduling white space and fiercely protecting it. And I don't mean buffer time in between calls. I don't mean maybe I'll catch up on my to do list time. I mean actual space with no plans. It can be a day during the week.

00:12:42 - Megan Gillikin
It can be time that is consistent, it can be random, it can be whatever is going to work for you. But it has to be for you and not for your to do list or for someone else. Which takes me to number two. One of the things that I've learned to do through time is to check in with myself instead of turning checking my to do list.

00:13:01 - Megan Gillikin
And what that means is asking myself when I wake up in the morning or when I find myself in moments of rising stress and anxiety, what do I need right now instead of what should I be doing? And sometimes that answer surprises me. Sometimes I might be looking at my to do list and I have this really long ambitious task list of things that I want to tackle in the day but my energy does not match that list.

00:13:24 - Megan Gillikin
So then I have to reassess and I look at that list and I decide what is it that I have to do? What can wait for another day and then what do I need to be able to refuel and tackle this list another time? And then finally. And I can feel my perfectionist cringing as I say this one. But letting done be better than perfect. You've heard this before, often on social media, but pushing for perfection is going to slow you down and burn you out significantly. So sometimes it's that 80% and sent is more valuable than a hundred percent and still sitting in drafts or still sitting on your to do list as something that feels like an overwhelming multi step project you have to tackle.

00:14:09 - Megan Gillikin
And if rest still feels tricky or elusive, then I want you to start by noticing what does that discomfort feel like? And then instead of what is likely judgment, can you shift over to curiosity and ask yourself where did I pick up this belief from and what would it look like to unlearn it just a little through one of these strategies? And as I mentioned, if you want more practical deep dive shifts like this, go back and listen to episode 314.

00:14:37 - Megan Gillikin
It's linked in the show notes for you. Cause that's where we dig a little bit deeper into those three small habit shifts that can change your energy, your your focus and your mindset. And they did that for me during a season when I needed it most. So as I wrap up this episode about unlearning overworking, I want to leave you with a thought.

00:14:57 - Megan Gillikin
And that thought is you can't heal your outdated beliefs with the same actions that cause them. Let me repeat that for you. You cannot heal outdated beliefs with the same actions that caused them. So if overworking has brought you here, more overworking is not going to get you out. And if rest feels uncomfortable, like I said at the beginning of this episode, the looping statement in my head two years ago was it doesn't feel safe to slow down. It doesn't mean that something's wrong with you. What it means is that you're probably human and you're high achieving and you're right in the middle of unlearning some very old, very loud patterns. So my encouragement for you is to just notice this week, what is your relationship with rest? Is it healthy? Is it unhealthy? Where does it feel safe and where does it feel scary? And what might need to shift for you to stop treating rest like a reward and start treating it like a right.

00:16:03 - Megan Gillikin
And if this episode hit home for you today, I would love to hear from you, from you if there was something that I mentioned that resonated with you. Screenshot this episode. Tag me or send me a DM and let me know what part stood out and what you're focused on unlearning right now. That's it for today. Thank you so much for tuning in. This episode is edited and produced by the team at Walk west and brought to you by my online membership, the Planner's Vault.

00:16:30 - Megan Gillikin
My friends, we're just getting started and I can not wait to keep unlearning together.