One Last Hit - Austin Rampt

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Austin Rampt: Addiction, Free Will & the Hijacking of the Self

What happens when addiction takes control of identity, agency, and the stories we tell ourselves? Austin Rampt joins TrueLife to explore addiction neuroscience, trauma, consciousness, free will, recovery, identity, transformation, and the psychology of survival. From eight rehabs and a heart attack at 21 to jail and 18 months living as a fugitive alongside the Sinaloa Cartel, Austin’s extraordinary journey opens a deeper question: how do we lose ourselves—and how do we find our way back?

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George Monty

My name is George Monty. I am the Owner of TrueLife (Podcast/media/ Channel) I’ve spent the last three in years building from the ground up an independent social media brandy that includes communications, content creation, community engagement, online classes in NLP, Graphic Design, Video Editing, and Content creation. I feel so blessed to have reached the following milestones, over 81K hours of watch time, 5 million views, 8K subscribers, & over 60K downloads on the podcast!

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George (00:01)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the True Life Podcast. Hope you're having a beautiful day. Hope the sun is shining. Hope the birds are singing. I hope the wind is at your back. Got an incredible guest today, the one and only Austin Ramp. Got an incredible new book out called One Last Hit: The Story of Addiction from Pills and Blow to the Cinaloa cartel to coming back and being transformed into a radical new individual. Austin, what's cracking, man? How are ya?

Austin Rampt (00:30)
George, what's up, buddy? I'm so glad to be here with you, man.

George (00:35)
Yeah, man. So the new book's out. You've lived many different lives, but can you give people a little bit of the backstory without giving away too much of the juice of the book, man?

Austin Rampt (00:47)
Yeah, yeah, I totally can. So I was addicted from the age of twelve. you know, by fifteen I was addicted to pills. By seventeen I was smoking crack. and and this started a journey in and out of sobriety that lasted my entire life, which essentially culminated in me fleeing the country to Mexico, you know, living basically everyone around me was was cartel affiliated and

George (00:59)
shoot.

Austin Rampt (01:17)
getting to do getting to destroy my life in the way that I always dreamed as an addict, right? Like no cops, no family busting in, no running out of money until the money did run out. And it culminates with with basically losing everything, being homeless in Mexico City and coming back to the United States and and just starting a new journey of of

Okay, I didn't die, right? That was first. I thought I was gonna die in Mexico. I didn't. My heart survived longer than the bank account and and starting a journey of of like what it look really looks like to go inward. And there's a lot, you know, again, didn't give away the juice. There's a lot in there. Like I accidentally burnt the family home down when I was seventeen, growing weed in the closet. just you know, horrendous, horrendous stuff in the process that the book gets into, but

But yeah, so that that's kind of the synopsis of it. and until here we are today. Shouldn't you know, it look if I was like a I don't know, twenty year old looking at me today, still alive, I'd be mind blown. I'd be mind blown that that I I'm still here. So

George (02:32)
Man, it

I'm so torn because sometimes I read these stories and it fulfill it like fulfills my heart of adventure and like chaos and like taking on the abyss and like trying to figure out who you are. Like I see a true hero's journey. But on the other side of that is all this shame and this grief. And I can only imagine, even though there is a code of coolness and paint on all of this, like it's gotta be hard to write about like the shame and the grief.

Fucking heartbreak and like the people that whose trust you gained that loved you and you fucking burn man. Like it was that hard to write about? Like how do you how do you do that, man? Like tell me about that. Okay.

Austin Rampt (03:12)
Yeah. So I'll I will tell you about it. That was

quite the journey. So the the the book took four years to write. And so I started it in what year did I start it? Twenty twenty one. And it finished it actually physically got published in twenty twenty five. And I returned from Mexico in twenty sixteen. So there was a distance of about five years from me getting back to Mexico before I wrote the actual book. And

George (03:20)
Okay.

Austin Rampt (03:42)
I for anyone that that does read it, you know, I don't come out of that smelling like a rose. Like the fact is addiction is horrific. And, you know, to tell a true addiction story, it's it's there's no real way to shape it up except a guy that was just, you know, me chasing in any way that I possibly could to fill a hole in my soul that only got bigger with everything that I tried to fill it with. And I destroyed relationships, companies,

my my poor family, what I put them through. But by the time I had actually gotten to the point of being willing to write the book, by the time that like gut nudge was really getting loud, I had I had really made amends to the people that were in my life for most of that damage. And and so I wasn't at a point of still carrying around shame for what happened. It had it

really kinda gone through an alchemy or a transmutation at that point to, okay, this isn't who I am. It's it's what happened, right? It's my story, but it's not the story of me any longer. And so, there were a few parts in the book where I really did come to a crossroads like, shit, do I wanna write about this? Like this is gonna be something that, you know, it'll be a a point that people stop at and go, Wow. and I did. I wrote about it. And and

So far the feedback has been, you know, I'm really honored when people read the book because it's such an intimate look at at not just my life, but a really horrendously, you know, what used to be a shameful part of my life, that that I can now share with people. So yeah, it was a journey.

George (05:23)
Totally. Why like why? Why did you write it, man? Did you write it as a form of trying to get things on paper so that you could have a third person point of view? Was it sort of a way to make amends to those that read it? Was it a foot was it a warning for other people that may find themselves in a situ in a similar situation? What was what were the whys behind it?

Austin Rampt (05:43)
So interestingly enough, so there were there were two initial whys that I found out quickly were not gonna end up being the whys. so the first the first was as soon as I came back from Mexico and I started telling my story in like 12-step recovery rooms, people were going, Holy crap, bro, you need to write about that. And then and that was cute. I'm like, all right, yeah, thanks. You think I got a great story? But then I started really getting like signs from the universe going, dude, put it down. Let's see what happens. Right. And so

Those are my first two catalysts to writing it. What I found along the way is, and I'm sure this is true for everyone, but not everyone gets the experience of of getting into it. As I started to defragment my life, these stories that lived as stories in my brain, I was now required to document them in a very, very detailed way, which meant I had to explain them in a way that people that are reading are always going to understand kind of what I'm talking about. And what I came to find out.

Was that the way that I remembered things was not always the way that things happened. That, you know, people and places and things that I may have blamed or I don't know, just seen in a particular light, I was completely full of crap. and as I started to write them, it defragmented my life. At the same time, I'm like going to therapy every week, going, okay, I'm writing about my mom. And here's the shit that's coming up for me. Right. And he's going, he's helping me kind of see some truth in it. And by the time I got to the end of it,

I didn't realize I had gone through such a journey of tr of I guess it's a journey of of more understanding of who and what I am and what made me tick. And if that was the only thing I got out of it, then man, that was time well spent. That was time well spent. So for a while that was the why. and I don't know what the next why is gonna be. We'll find out.

George (07:33)
A journey of understanding, man. That is that's deep right there. I think that that is something that we all go through. Maybe we all don't live it through addiction or you know, being associated with a drug cartel or being homeless, but a journey of understanding, man. That sounds like it sounds to me like something more people could could do, whether they're an addiction or not. But

Maybe we could stick stick there for a minute. Like what what was it that you understood? Like what have you come to understand?

Austin Rampt (08:09)
I think a lot of it was forgiveness for myself and for others. I think that there was, you know, there was some external blame, but there was a whole lot of self blame of and and obvious you know, there's obviously no power in blaming others for really anything in my experience, but but I was the shame is really, you know, if we could break down shame into a a sentence, it's I'm wrong. I'm defective. There's something wrong with me.

George (08:13)
Mm. Right.

Austin Rampt (08:38)
and that was my belief for a long time. And I'll tell ya, we might get off on a tangent here, but I got really like into Carl Jung. not not a ton, but like, but he started to he he had some writings that that kind of jumped out at me, and one of them was about addiction, and it and it had to do with it being this yearning for like this cosmic yearning that

George (08:46)
Yeah, let's do it, man.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (09:06)
is really specific in the attic, but we we go trying to find the solution to that and all of these things around us externally that never fills it. And and finally when we when we turn inward and start to look, what we find is the addiction's not really the burden. It's more or less our superpower. It pulls us back into like forcing us to grow, forcing us to I don't know if expand is the right word, but but to kind of like

Put ourselves through the fire and and see what comes out on the other end. And and so that was a lot of the journey was I don't know that I would have gotten that experience had I not been writing the book. I mean, we have we have different things that we do in 12 step recovery, like inventory, and then you know, we share that with our sponsors and making amends. And these things are all great and, you know, they're all good and well, but they all do somewhat live at the foundation of my memories.

and and how I recall this happening. Where to get into it in a real detailed way, like like I I needed to in the book, and then putting the timeline together and seeing it all come up, it was just a different experience, man. Different experience. Not an easy one, but a different one. And I I'm really grateful for it.

George (10:25)
Man, I I hear Carl Jung, and then I heard you say signs from the universe. And when if we pair that with journey of understanding, I can't help but see sort of a pull to the spiritual side. And I've known that in myself with my own, like with my own relationship with lots of different drugs. Like I there's something mystical about it. Is it is did you find the same thing, like these altered states of awareness, these signs from the universe? And like you can see them afterwards, but sometimes in the height of a different state of awareness.

Austin Rampt (10:37)
yeah.

George (10:54)
Those things are crystal clear. Did you find that those sort of attraction to mysticism or God or a higher power or the universe? Did you find those things to be more clear when you were on drugs? Or all

Austin Rampt (11:06)
No, so in my case, I really did

I found an extreme pull towards it in my sober times. So like I first got sober when I was twenty two and and I stayed that way till my early thirties. And so during that time, and I had dude, prior to that I had overdosed multiple times. I it had been a rough, rough road. but I did find a real pull towards that. I I was introduced to like Ecartole really early on in my sobriety, whom I love.

George (11:12)
Okay, okay.

Okay.

Whoa.

Mm-hmm.

Austin Rampt (11:35)
And and just various different schools of thinking that were very different from the Christian home that I was raised in, you know? And and I did, I I just found a like a kind of a hunger for that, but but it didn't how do I put it? It it put my addiction at bay long enough for me to stay sober. But as soon as I pulled like what had ended up happening towards the latter end of that period of sobriety is I I started a company that's that got pretty successful.

George (11:40)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (12:04)
You know, got married, had a couple of kids, had the house, and started saying to myself, look at all that external stuff, look at all this stuff you've done. We can pull back on this over here. And when I pulled back on that over there, it was like it didn't take long at all. The lion came back. almost like, you know, if you're holding a cork underwater or a bobber and you let it go, right? And so and when it came back, you know, I was older, I had a bank account now, and

I knew a little bit more about addiction. And, you know, it wasn't even a matter of like, you know, maybe I'll try and control this. It was, let's go. And when we went, we went. Me. When I went, I went. And and so there wasn't, I wouldn't say that there was clarity in the drugs, but what I would what I will say to you is like when I was living in Mexico, I would only sleep like once every three days. My body would just kind of give out. And

George (12:50)
Mm.

Austin Rampt (13:02)
And on day so this may not appeal to anyone but me, but on day two, man, I loved the evening of day two so much. I got so used to like about 48 hours awake. I knew what that was gonna feel like. Man, I just thought I was the happiest, funniest guy in the room. But but there was something peaceful in that for me, almost like that, that extremely delusional state that I was living in. And and but it it went away.

George (13:06)
I love it. Let's go.

Austin Rampt (13:31)
And I and for me to for me to stay on that train, right? I knew that all right, I knew enough to know that I could not control my drinking and drug use. Once I started, I was going to be out of control. So the only the only solution to avoiding those problems was never run out of drugs. Just never run out. And for two years straight, that's what I did. And the cartel was very good at making sure that I never had to run out, right? It was constant. And

And at the end of that, I remember I was dating this girl in Mexico City. And she like wanted, she didn't use drugs. She drank, but she wanted to go do nice stuff. She's like, let's go have a picnic in the park. And I was trying to explain to her that like you might walk outside and see sunshine and feel joy over that. And my brain's so messed up. I there's there's no chance I can experience any sort of joy that doesn't come in a pipe right now. And and so yeah, it broke me down to a level that I didn't think.

was really possible and I hoped I never had to face. When I did have to face it, it was it wasn't easy because I had hurt a lot of people. I had destroyed my life and, you know, pretty close to the lives of the people that were around me. And but from that from that pain came, you know, something really, really beautiful. you know, and today I'm a father of five. Have multiple

businesses. None of none of you know, the business side really just enables me to do what I I love to do, which is to be a dad, love on my wife and to help guys in twelve step recovery. Like that's that's the juice for me today.

George (15:12)
Man. Would you say that the same verocity that with which you were you did like three-day benchers or you know, the you explained the idea that if you were gonna start something, you were gonna go 150 miles an hour. Is that characteristic of you in business and in your other parts of your life?

Austin Rampt (15:32)
Yes. So

much to, you know, I don't want to say my wife's dismay, because we've we've come to learn how to hone that now. Excuse me. But i it's it's like I don't find interest in many things, but when interest comes, I go like that, right? And I you and I were talking before this, right? I I worked in media for a while in in the digital asset space and crypto. And

And that was one thing. And and it almost does feel like a spiritual pull. Like I'm I'm going, shh, all right, this is the direction you're supposed to go in. And crypto was very good to us until it wasn't. and then like most people. and you know, to be honest, my new pull really is doing what I'm doing with you right now. Like this is the big pull for me. And I don't know why, but it it it the genesis of it was my wife saying, Well, bud.

If people are going to find out about your book, you got to go get out on social media. And I'm like, do that for me. Would you please? Because I hate social media. I'm not a big fan personally. And and she's like, No, you gotta do it. And so I decided I was, I'm like, all right, well, I know how to do podcasting. That'll create content for me because I just I feel so fake shooting videos unless I'm talking to people like you. And but but from that came doing podcasts, right? And from that led me to having this conversation with you. And it's like, I don't know where shit's gonna go. We're just gonna swim.

And see what happens. So tangent, but we got there.

George (17:03)
Yeah.

It's interesting you bring up crypto. Crypto is almost like its own drug, or maybe even money's like its own drug. I remember in in like the first alt season maybe it was the second alt season with like pancake swap or whatever. I took like 80 grand. Did I turn that into like 250? And I'm like, I cannot fucking lose. I am on fire. Watch this. Bah bah ba. You watch stuff just rise up like 20 grand, 30 grand. shit. I'm down fifty grand.

Austin Rampt (17:12)
Mm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

George (17:35)
shit, I'm down to my eighty. I can make it back. no, I'm down to forty. I got nothing. I got nothing. You know, and it's almost like its own type of drug out there, man. It's it's pretty wild, right?

Austin Rampt (17:47)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you know crypto. So that's I'll tell you a little story that may land on you and it may not land on people that don't know crypto, but maybe it will. So I got into the space in twenty seventeen and and and it was it was from a buddy of mine who I actually write about in the book. He died of an overdose, but he we were doing we were taking meetings into a detox, and and he just happened to like show me crypto and and it was one of those things that latched onto me. And

George (17:50)
Okay?

Austin Rampt (18:15)
And I kept having this one come into my experience constantly that you probably know about. It was called Phantom. Did do you remember one named Phantom? A network? Okay. So it just kept showing up, kept showing up to the point that I had a basketball roll up to my feet and it had F-A-N-T-O-M written on it. Not P-H, right? Like the name. And I'm going, holy shit, this is insane. So I basically took.

George (18:22)
Mm, of course. Yeah.

Right.

Austin Rampt (18:44)
All the family money and dumped it into it at the low of 2020, right when the markets cratered. And nothing happened for about nine months. And then when the market took off, it went a thousand X. And I didn't sell at the top, but I did pay cash for a house. And but I got to fly around the world, right? And and my my

George (19:04)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (19:09)
My crypto ex my crypto podcasting experience was because I had a channel called FTM Alerts, which was I was like the de facto channel for the Phantom Network. And and that's where I I started learning, you know, and really it was people were going, you're really good at at speaking. Do you have public speaking experience? And I didn't want to be like, Yeah, man, because I'm a drug addict and I do that in meetings, you know? But but but that's really where it came from. So, anyhow, that was my my little crypto story.

George (19:40)
Man, you know, in that in that little segment you had mentioned that you knew people that had overdosed. I've known people in my own life that have that have overdosed, that have become addicts. Why do you think like how how do you when you look back at the people you probably loved or were friends with that overdosed? Like do you ever ask the question, like how come they died but I didn't?

Austin Rampt (19:47)
yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. Because because before I went to Mexico, I had gotten into heroin. And, you know, heroin's one you'll overdose on for sure. And but when I went to Mexico, there just didn't seem to be heroin in my ad there was a lot of cocaine, but the heroin just wasn't around. And and I'm pretty sure that

George (20:06)
Me too.

Mm.

Austin Rampt (20:29)
That combined with a severe Xanax habit saved my life. Like it kept my heart beating. But I've known God back in South Florida in AA, like I'm in I'm in Orlando now, but I used to live in South Florida. And down there is like crazy, quasi crazy meetings, like 200 people in a meeting. And I was I was having one person I knew a week drop dead from fentanyl. It was crazy. And you know, I I don't think I

George (20:40)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (20:57)
I ask like explicitly why them and not me, but I think

George (21:00)
Right.

Austin Rampt (21:05)
I I think there's some things that I'm just never gonna know the answer to. And and that may be one of them, right? I don't I certainly don't think it's because I'm more worthy of staying alive than them. But but then on the other side of that, so we'll get into kind of like some of my personal belief systems. I think we're just I think life is just a stop on the journey and that it does not end when we die, that that things go on, perhaps reincarnation, perhaps I don't know, right? But but I don't think what

George (21:18)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (21:31)
I'm physically perceiving is in any way, shape, or form all that there is. And so it's just not necessarily for me to know. That's how I feel about it anyhow.

George (21:42)
Yeah, that's a good answer. It's interesting to think back on some of those times for me. Like I man, I sometimes late at night or if I'm deep in a a psychedelic journey, some of those questions arise to me and it's just like, Man, there is no real answer. And you'll never know. But for me it's it's still worth investigating 'cause it helps shine a light on how powerful today is, how much time I have right now, how many people I have in my life depend on me and love me and

how thankful I am. So I like to

Austin Rampt (22:14)
Yeah. Yeah. I had an ex

I was, man, I was watching, I don't know how it even came up. It was YouTube algorithm, man. It's like they can read my brain. They they popped a video up and I started watching it this morning, man. And I had 20 minutes of goosebumps. And I'm just going, Well, how freaking great is this? You know? the other day. So I have five at home. My youngest, my youngest are one, three, and six. My two oldest are 15 and 12. And

George (22:35)
Yeah.

Beautiful.

Austin Rampt (22:40)
And my three-year-old, he's a boy, and he was a he was he was being a terrorist. And just drive me up a wall. Like I think he pushed my one year old, and then I was like, it was just me and the two of them upstairs. And all and I'm playing music and you know, it's just putting on random songs. And all of a sudden it starts playing a John Mayer song. Now, this particular John Mayer song was like top of my playlist when I lived in Mexico. I would, I would smoke crack.

And then just I would be really drunk and high on on pills and just cry because I missed my kids. And in the midst of him being crazy, this song punched me right between the eyes and said, Hey dude, let's get back in the game. You begged for this life for two years straight while you were getting high. And it it took like two seconds for me to go, I don't care how they're acting. I'm here. Like this is amazing.

You know, and so little reminders show up like that all the time.

George (23:40)
Yeah, back to science from the universe, you know. You know, you you may you work in a lot of sobriety programs, and I've seen quite a few of your interviews where you're talking to people about the process of getting sober. Can I was this is a two-part question. One, can you define what sober means to you? And let's just start there. Can you define what sober means to you?

Austin Rampt (23:43)
Totally. Yeah.

Yeah, sure. So to me, sober means abstinence from all mood or mind altering substances. Now I I do know that, you know, some people do go down the DMT or ayahuasca journeys in their sobriety. And I I don't like I'm not not in favor of that. For for me, I'm such a rabid drug addict that I don't even risk it. But like I know some people that have been helped a lot by that. so that's that's part one, right? From the neck up, I'm not altered.

By you know, by anything. but secondly, I I think that's just I would call that just abstinence. You know, real sobriety I think is is is soundness of mind, right? It's not living in the insanity of of, you know, there's in our literature it talks about emotional sobriety being like the next frontier for people like us. And

And I think there's, you know, there were many, many years, and I can get like this today, but there were many years where I was completely at the mercy of my environment, that my emotions were dictated by what happened around me, not me saying, Okay, this is how I intend for this segment of my day to go, and this is who I want to show up as. And, you know, someone cuts you off on the freeway and up, now my day went to shit. I planned on having a great day, but that guy, he did that, you know.

And and that was a very immature way of living for me. And I did live that way for quite some time. And and so I think a big part of my sobriety today is is is just strangely, it's like exploration, you know? It's kind of like like digging out a cavity to see, all right, how are we going to get rid of the things which are essentially not who we are, who I am.

You know, which which would leave me with, well, what am I really? Like that was that was an interesting question for and believe it or not, I did have that question early on. I I got really into shrooms and LSD as a kid, like for, I don't know, three or four years as I was young, like sixteen through twenty. And and I do remember that, like who are you question coming up a lot. Of course I had no answer for that. And and later in life, I would have told you.

That I was this business that I created, or that I was this facade of who people thought I was. And I remember coming back from Mexico and all of that being gone and and having the conscious thought in in rehab, like, okay, all of those things left, but I'm still here. So none of them could have actually been who I was. So, like, who am I? Really? You know, like who's the one that's that's looking

Through your eyes, not with your eyes. I don't think I said that correctly, but you know, the one behind the eyeballs, right? Like who is that? So anyhow, that's the the trip I get on.

George (26:58)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Earlier on the conversation you had mentioned about growing up in a Christian household and so much of what you're talking about, not only today, but I've heard you bring up Victor Frankel before, you brought up Carl Jung. Can you walk me in the audience through your relationship with spirituality from growing up in a Christian home to where you are now?

Austin Rampt (27:16)
Mm-hmm.

Totally. man. And that's been a hell of a journey. So again, I did grow up in a Christian home where my mom and dad had an interesting dynamic. And they they divorced when I was 13, but that dynamic was really in my formative years. So my dad was the you are going to church every Sunday. And my mom was more, I'll go along with it, but I'm kind of more open-minded to other things. So when they divorced, my dad continued on his path and my mom went on her own journey. and and so

George (27:36)
Mm.

Austin Rampt (27:55)
By the time that I like first got sober at age 22, I had been, I guess, impregnated. That's a weird way to put it, but impregnated with all of these fixed ideas on what spirituality is, right? That we've all right, don't worry, guys. We've done the work for you. We've whittled God down into this idea. So you can just believe in this and we're all cool. Right. Like that's kind of how it felt. And and a lot of well meaning people told me that. And so I just

George (28:04)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Austin Rampt (28:23)
I bought it hook, line, and sinker. And so for my first couple of years sober, I I was like in church every Sunday, tithing superstitiously almost, like, man, if I don't give 10% of my paycheck, like, you know, I'm gonna have a bad week, you know, that sort of thing. And then I I went into church one day and I I had gotten really into, you know, echartole at this time, like and different things. And I remember them putting a a video up on this giant video screen, and it said something like,

The largest satanic church ever just launched. And it was a picture of Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tole when they were doing she was doing like a series with him. And I went, What the shit is this? Like, and and so that was the first crack in in the belief. And I went, okay, you know, it and looking back, I I do understand and I can see that, you know, part of the Christian belief and a lot of them is is

George (29:01)
What the shit is.

Austin Rampt (29:20)
This is the one path. Anything outside of this path is essentially satanic. And and but that started me on a journey. And that journey wasn't necessarily an easy one. I think part of that journey, you know, happened in my relapse. because it is there is a lot to be said for just resolving to one idea and going, well, that's just that's just what it is. Like we can't, you know what I mean? Almost like it's it would be sacrilegious to explore anything more than that.

You know, but but like I heard a guy, he had a great line, man. He said, you know, if Jesus had been born in India and said he was a son of God, they would have been like, Yeah, of course you are, dude. We all are like keep it moving, you know, it wouldn't have been a big deal. and so anyhow, fast forward to today, I think the what I it's tough to put a concept of spirituality on it. I I

George (30:01)
Right.

Austin Rampt (30:15)
I love, like I was, I was really vibing with some of the the things that you were talking about with the, you know, quantum mechanics and like the observable universe and different things, right? Well, because these are these are provably true. And they're things that go beyond what my mind can really conceive. Like, how can I conceive that something lives in infinite possibilities until I cast observation on it and then it it it chooses one? Like, how could I even conceive that? and so it I think for me the

George (30:20)
Thank you.

Austin Rampt (30:46)
Well where I've come to is that to try and and put a concept on spirituality is is really to limit it. And it and my what I want to do is I want to experience how it shows up in my life. And and I think what I believe in more than anything is not so much a concept, but in certain actions that I can take and ways of being that bring about results that I get to experience, right? Like so kindness and

George (31:10)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (31:14)
thinking of others and you know, making amends when I do wrong and and th things like that. Right. So I think a lot of my spirituality centers around that today.

George (31:24)
Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because you do so many cool works for people. Like you're helping to sponsor people, you're setting things up, you're running businesses that help other people, bringing people onto your platform. Everyone should check out the One Last Hip podcast. Austin's got some great guests on there and he's doing epic work. But yeah, I was just curious because I see your at least in my opinion, I can see your spirituality and the relationships you're building with people and the message you're trying to put out there. So I'm always curious about that aspect of it.

I got I got lots more, but I want to bring up some people that are chiming in over here. Let's see, let's get down to the chat over here. Miguel from Mexico City. What's up, Miguel? He says, did addiction reveal your true self or hide it?

Austin Rampt (32:09)
It's a great question. It it really it it hid it while I was in it and it revealed it after. And I think, you know, I think like addiction is that thing that constantly calls me back. Right. It it it it either calls me back to using because I I believe the lie that the drug or the or the bottle is gonna have some form of salvation in it, or it forces me inward. One of those two things. And so it it

I think it more revealed it than covered it up.

George (32:44)
Salvation from what? Like what what salvation is is there? Like what what what do you mean?

Austin Rampt (32:50)
Yeah. That we I love

it. So, you know, we as addicts and alcoholics, and maybe this is true for everyone, but but I know it's especially true in my life that I can struggle to differentiate the true from the false, meaning my brain will make up a story about what's happening. I'll buy it, hook, line, and sinker. And then somebody who's objective could look at the story and go, dude, you got it all wrong.

Like you're not even close to having accurate facts about what's going on here. And I know that I can do that. And but as that builds, if I make up truth and then I build a foundation on top of made up truth, by the time I actually, you know, I could go way out in left field and be in turmoil, absolute turmoil. And this happened to me four or five years ago, maybe. So I'll tell you a little story. yeah, so

George (33:45)
Yeah, love

Austin Rampt (33:48)
you you were I were you in the crypto space in twenty twenty one and twenty twenty two? Okay. So we had the massive run, right? And and you know, I I think I told you, bought a house, that was great, gave back twenty three million.

George (33:52)
Right around there, yep.

Wha whoa can't wait a minute. Wait what was the what was the what was the haul on that? Twenty you gave back twenty three million. Was twenty three million the hall?

Austin Rampt (34:17)
No, it wasn't. I don't I s I started with yeah, well I'll just tell you, I started I started with fifty thousand. Yeah. Paid cash for a beautiful house. It was a huge, huge amount, right? And it and it was just like you were saying, I had a number in my head in the nine figure range.

George (34:20)
You don't have to tell me, you don't tell me. Okay. Okay. Gee, no way. That's so gargantuan.

Austin Rampt (34:40)
Like how it's absolutely so I gave that back and I did exactly what you just said, right? Throughout twenty twenty two and twenty twenty three, I was working, I had a company called Blockbytes in in the crypto space and I was doing a daily news show. So I was like really, really into the space. And and just constantly hopeful that it was going to come back. and then I when I resigned to it's not coming back, I was so detached from

my recovery community. I was so I had been so wrapped up in all this stuff up in my brain, that I picked up Kratom during that time. And and so I have two and a half years sober today. but but at this was back in 2022, 2023, somewhere there. But what had happened was I had this, these four healthy children, a wife that loved me, a home that I owned outright, right?

George (35:18)
Mm.

Congrats, man.

Austin Rampt (35:38)
Businesses that were successful. And I had become discontented in that same life because I had been focusing on what's wrong for so long, I could no longer see what was right. It had expanded to the point that it just eclipsed the beauty in my life. And I had not no choice but to. I mean, I it's not that I had no choice, but the my brain, right? I heard a guy say once, I got two brain cells, one's selling me bullshit and the other one's buying it. And and so

George (36:04)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (36:05)
The one brain cell sold me a line of bullshit and I went, that's a good idea. Let's get some relief from this. And and so my point in saying that is that's the nightmare. That's that's the thing that can come back if I'm not vigilant in my own emotional state, in my own sobriety, and staying connected with people that are you know, addicted in the way that I am. I mean

normal people if they walk around with anger or, you know, what if if they're overly self centered, like they may not have great relationships, but it's probably not going to kill them. in in my case it might. And so, you know, those things are poison.

George (36:50)
First off, thanks for sharing that story. That is wild, man.

It seems like a double-edged sword to me, like this thing that allows you to just go so wild into addiction or seeking these altered states also seems to be the fire that burns inside of you to create somewhat miracles for yourself and your family, man. Like, how do you how do you hold those two things?

Austin Rampt (37:16)
Bingo.

Man.

I don't know. I need to figure out eloquent words for when people ask me that damn question because it's a it's such a it's such a killer question, dude. Killer question. And I wish I had like a super, super eloquent answer to give you. It's just that sometimes the fire burns me and sometimes it it it it fuels the engine, you know? I don't really and I think I think the difference is

George (37:25)
shoot.

Austin Rampt (37:50)
Honestly, I don't know what the difference is. I'd love to tell you I knew, dude. But like, man, I went, you know, I I recently got out of the crypto space like six months ago. And I had gone, I started working for a company. I won't mention them, but their tech, the narrative, everything was just like, yes, this is the one. And I was the I was the mouthpiece. I, you know, I was the one they were giving the information to. And then I would come on and do videos like we're doing now.

And explain how it works. And and like it was so good. Like, and I knew it. And I went, dude, I put so much money in that and my family put money in it. It crashed. And and what ended up happening was not only did I lose the money that I put in, but like a whole bunch of people blame me. Cause I was the I was the mouth, even though I wasn't the guy pulling the strings or calling any shots in the back end, I was just the mouthpiece.

I was the face that they knew, you know? And so that was an instance where I had full faith in it and it burned me. And and then, you know, I had about a week of wow, that's just absolutely terrible. And then and then I started the journey of figuring out why it had to happen in the way that it happened, because it happened, so it must have been the right thing to happen. I mean, that's kind of a big a big foundation of of what I believe today is that nothing's happening by mistake.

And so, so yeah, there that's been part of the journey too, dude. Like failure.

George (39:23)
Man.

Now all of a sudden I understand your admiration for Victor Frankl. The man's search for meaning. Like you're doing some real digging there. Yeah, true, true. Yeah.

Austin Rampt (39:33)
Hm, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Not as much as him, but you know

Yeah.

George (39:48)
Okay, let me sorry, people are blowing me up. George, let me get in over here. Okay, here we go. Sorry, sorry, David, Sarah, I got you over here. Sarah from Portland. What's up, Sarah? Thanks for hanging out with us. She says, Austin, at what point did you stop feeling like you were making choices and start feeling like addiction was making them for you?

Austin Rampt (39:53)
Cool. Do it.

yeah. So I will tell you early on, addiction started making the choices for me early on. But to your question, I believed in the illusion of control for so long. Probably until like so I started using at 12. I mean, dude, my first two two months of using, like I was taking Xanax. I took LSD in my buddy's garage. I think I was I just turned 13. Like I was young, dude.

George (40:26)
Whoa.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (40:36)
And and from I would say probably from the age of fifteen on, addiction actually was making the choices for me. But I didn't I didn't break at least some of the illusion of control until I was twenty two and somebody like people in twelve step rooms stepped in and and started sharing with me what addiction and alcoholism really is. And by the time I relapsed at 31, I had no more illusion of control. That was gone. So I didn't even try and control it.

I was like, I'm not even gonna attempt control. We're just gonna go and see what happens, you know? So that was a great question, Sarah. Thank you.

George (41:13)
That was awesome, sir. Nathan, coming from Denver, he says, What hurts more? Getting high or finally feeling everything you'd spent years avoiding?

Austin Rampt (41:22)
yeah.

So an a so getting high is almost like a momentary release followed by a compounding horror afterwards. And I think I think facing the things and the and the people I had hurt and the problems that I caused.

George (41:33)
Mm.

Austin Rampt (41:45)
hurt more in my own mind than it did in actuality. Because I I've learned something a lot of the time, and it's that the thing I'm most afraid of is facing the truth about me. I will make up what that's going to look like. And then once I do it, it doesn't look anything like that. And and I I've had, you know, a number of face-to-face amends that I was deathly afraid to make because I caused

harm that was just insane, you know, just really, really hurt people. And I noticed almost every single time that when the energy I bring into it is not to say I'm sorry, but it's to set right the wrong and let them tell me how I've affected them. I've never had that go poorly. Like every time it's almost like like we as people can

Can sense something, right? Even if I've got the most anger at you, let's let's take George, for example. Let's say I'm angry at you, and you come to me with a genuine desire to repair that, you can get three words out, and I'm gonna sniff that you're you're telling me the truth and that there's something real here. And that anger just kind of goes like that. It doesn't necessarily let anyone off the hook, but I've noticed that that.

George (42:52)
Yeah. Yes.

Austin Rampt (43:13)
At least in in my case and I think in the case of a lot of other people, we really desire to forgive unless that anger is is doing something for us. And at times that anger is doing something for us. You know, it's mobilizing or it it you know, whatever. but yeah, so that's a great question. I I think I I think that the long answer is that is that to face the things and to set right those things is a lot more difficult.

than to get high in the short term, but in the in the long term, getting high is is much more painful.

George (43:49)
Yeah, that is that I've noticed this pattern within myself and lots of other people that I have spoken to who have seen difficult traumas, be it addiction or abuse. But it it almost seems like you're developing parts of your world. Maybe it's neuroplasticity, maybe it's parts of your brain, or maybe it's meaning, or I'm not exactly sure what it is, but people that have gone through the most difficult traumas and come out the other side.

seem to have a sort of really incredible look at how their own mind works and how reality works. Maybe it's from seeing an illusion and living in an illusion and then going through this sort of rite of passage. I don't I don't want to make it sound like it's a great thing, this rite of passage, but in some ways I think it develops you in ways that nothing else can. What are your thoughts on that?

Austin Rampt (44:42)
Yeah, I think it can actually become, you know, the thing that calls us inwards, almost like, you know, kind of like that quiet voice inside of us that constantly, you know, calls us inwards. But I can mistake that. It it's it's like, you know, for a while I was in a cycle of an endless hunger for something. And in my belief it was for, you know, at the time I thought it was for drugs and alcohol, but it wasn't. It wasn't for that.

George (44:51)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (45:13)
which was okay, I I would come out of that with this insane resolve to do better. And then I would relapse and I would I in the relapse I would feel just this this sense of despair. And it I it was but every time I would get that renewed resolve, it was like I was kind of one step higher on the ladder, like I had learned something from it, and I just kind of kept climbing the ladder, you know, until one day it just

George (45:33)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (45:40)
culminated in in an explosion of me just destroying my life. And and I hope and pray that that was the the final time I have to really experience that level of despair, you know.

George (45:55)
Can you tell me about your inner dialogue? Like what what is there a repet was there or is there a repetitive record that comes on that you play over and over again? Like what goes through your mind in your inner dialogue when you were using mm and today, is it the same record? Is it different, different different language, or what is that like?

Austin Rampt (46:14)
Yeah, so it's funny you say different language 'cause towards the end of the my time in s in Mexico, I had learned so much Spanish that I was starting to think sometimes in Spanish. It was interesting. But so my my inner dialogue in when I was in Mexico was one of

George (46:18)
Ready?

That is.

Austin Rampt (46:34)
It it was a constant thought of you're a piece of shit. Like I would have mornings, I would wake up and I would look at pictures of my two oldest. They were they were young, four and one when I went to Mexico. And I would just cry and cry and cry and cry. And something within the the crying was kind of cathartic for me. but just anything would be better than this for those children. Like me just being

George (46:53)
Mm.

Austin Rampt (47:02)
in the same country as them would be better than this for these children, you know? And so the the the dialogue was obviously terrible. And that's and I think a lot of what I was running from was the dialogue that was going up in my own head.

George (47:13)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (47:16)
Today.

You know, I I can find myself jammed up, but it more often than not, it's it's because of the way that I'm perceiving my environment and not because of something explicitly that I've done to harm somebody else. Because if if I do cause harm, you know, every night me and and the guys that I'm sober with, we take a what we call a nightly inventory, right? So it's 11 questions that we ask ourselves and then we share it with each other, which I actually

I went to a concert with my daughter and forgot to do that last night now that I'm telling you about it. Hypocrite. but anyhow, but this nightly inventory, it it keeps us accountable to ourselves and to one another. And and that's a really important thing. So if if like I don't really know where the beam is until I get off the beam to say, okay, well, that was a boundary, right? Like let's get back on it. And so if I do cause harm, which is which the harm causing is the thing that causes the poor.

George (48:08)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (48:16)
Poor head narration if left unchecked. If I do cause harm, right, the idea is to set that harm straight immediately, as soon as I realize that I've caused it. And so the narration in my brain today is A, it's a lot less loud than it once was. But I think it's it's more if I go down a negative path of narration, it might be to focus on, my God, I got five kids. my God, I got provide for these five kids. Holy crap. You know, like the the bigness of it all.

And and inevitably where I try and return myself back to is this is the life I was given. It's the life I'll be able to handle. You know? And so great question.

George (49:00)
What do you think of when I say the word victim?

Austin Rampt (49:02)
Wow. So a victim is somebody who there's I would say there's two types. but that right, there is somebody who is a a li has been victimized, right? A legitimate victim who's been harmed by another person. So in that instance, that would be the victim. whether or not they choose to carry that with them for the rest of their days is, you know, a different kind of, you know, victim. and then you've got

George (49:13)
Right? Of course.

Austin Rampt (49:28)
The victim who is, I think we had mentioned this earlier, right? Who is the it's everyone else's fault but me, that sort of a victim. And and yeah, so that that's what I think about. And and that's a really the I I think both are, you know quite dangerous, but one is I and I and I think they're both unintended necessarily. I think a lot of the time the blamers have been conditioned

either by themselves or by other people in into being that way. And and they found some reason why that way of being works well for them. and it's you know, for a guy like me, it'll kill me. Like there's there's no if if you have to change for my problem to be solved, my problem has no solution. Right? I've gotta be the reason. I have to be the reason. So

George (50:21)
If you have to change for my problem to be solved. Can you say that part again?

Austin Rampt (50:26)
Sure, if if if you have to change from my problem to be solved, then my problem has no solution.

George (50:36)
That's about as true as it gets, I think.

It's so interesting to me to think about the idea of of victimhood. And there's so much money that goes into it. Like sometimes when I look at sometimes when I look at like the DSM, some I got a copy of the DSM and I'll read it sometimes and I'll be like, man, there's so many labels out there for people like masks to try on or clothes. Let me put on this shirt of restless leg syndrome. And I'm not discounting anybody that has these things, whatever. But it seems like the world is really full of victim costumes that are comfortable and

Austin Rampt (50:52)
Mm-hmm.

George (51:10)
rewarding and allow you just to put them right on and wear them around. Hey everybody, look at this thing I got on over here. What are your thoughts on that?

Austin Rampt (51:18)
Well, I think with you know with social media today, you know, the there's a lot of money in victimhood. There's there's a lot of money in problems. There's, you know, not as much money in the solutions. You know? Pharmaceutical industry is a good example of that. Yeah. And so I I think I think there's a big part of that where without getting too political on it, I think that there's

George (51:27)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Austin Rampt (51:47)
Creation of of communities that would potentially be labeled as marginalized. And I don't mean like true marginalized communities. I mean like, I've put myself in this label of marginalized, and now you need to treat me differently because I say that I am this. And and I think within that, there's identity for people, there's potentially community for people of, hey, we've all got this same affliction, quote unquote. And so

George (52:08)
Mm.

Right.

Austin Rampt (52:16)
Let's band up and hate the other side, right? There's there's mobilization in that. And and there's there's an insane kind of like, you know, if I was let's say born in Philly and I was an Eagles fan, right? Simply by the fact that I was born in that location, I I am a part of that community. And if I believe I am, I might fight you because you like the Cowboys. You know what I mean? And like

George (52:19)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (52:46)
It's it's there's so much money in that. there's so much mobilization in that, it's crazy. And it's all identity, it's all it's all made up stuff about who and what we are.

George (52:59)
identity man, that is a real that's a deep that's a deep one right there, man. I got you for an a you cool? How you doing on time, man? You alright? Okay, okay. I

Austin Rampt (53:07)
I'm good, bro. Yeah. I have a hard

stop at twelve thirty, but until then I'm good. I might have to pee before then. But other than that, I'm cool. No, I'm cool, man. I'm cool. I'm cool now. Yeah, yeah.

George (53:12)
Yeah, dude, take yeah, if you gotta go, go go, man. Yeah. It's informal. Like

you know, identity is something that's really hard to get out of, especially if you've if you've worn that mask of identity for a long time. I'm George the drug user, I'm George the truck driver, I'm j whatever whatever identity you have on, you know, it's it's tough when that identity breaks or you outgrow that identity. Maybe you could speak to that. Like how how

What identities have you had and how did you make the the transformation out of Austin the identity of a drug user to Austin the identity of an entrepreneur or whatever identity it it is that you're wearing now?

Austin Rampt (53:53)
Well, I can tell you even recently that, you know, I had a huge identity about my work in the crypto space. Huge. and, you know, I have like a lot of people that follow me on Twitter, but they're all from the crypto space. none of them knew that I was, you know, an addict in recovery or an alcoholic until my book came out. And and then not long after that

George (53:55)
Okay.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (54:21)
You know, I started getting this nudge in my gut that crypto was not the way for me any longer. And that was a huge identity that I had to let go. That that was like, wow, man, I checked this stuff every minute of every day for the last nine years, you know, and now I'm I'm not gonna do that anymore. but I think I think none of us, in my experience, and this may not be universally true, but I don't think any of us.

George (54:26)
Yeah.

Mm.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (54:48)
drop identity completely unless you're like, you know, you know, Muji or somebody. But right. But but I think we what I do, I'll speak for myself. What I do is I the identities that I do start to hold are ones that are perhaps less damaging to me. Tony Robbins has a a a great line in one of his his CDs that he was he's basically talking about

quitting smoking. And he's he's getting into identity. And and he he was kind of saying the key to stopping smoking is you need to start viewing yourself as a non-smoker because it would be ridiculous for a non smoker to smoke cigarettes. You know, that sort of a thing. And I was like, wow, that's that's cool. and I've had a lot of identities over the years. And and I think that's kind of what I was talking about earlier with standing in rehab, realizing wow, that business and that money and

George (55:32)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (55:47)
The relationship and all of that couldn't have actually been who I was because if if that's who I was, then it would still be here today, right? Who I am has to be something, you know, way deeper and beyond that. And I don't know how to answer the question of what am I? 'Cause it's it's almost like it's constantly changing, you know? So

George (56:10)
I heard an awesome one about identity and it was like an analogy to a whirlpool. Like if you think of a whirlpool, like just picture a stream you go down to and there's like this little whirlpool. The shape of that whirlpool is always there, but the water that moves in and out of it is always changing, you know, so the shape of you is always there. But who you what decides to come in and come out of that shape can be changing daily or minutely. So that's been a cool one that's kinda helped me. Yeah.

Austin Rampt (56:36)
Love that. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, I'll I'll probably use that again

and not give you credit for it. No, but it's what we do all the time, man, and you know, in meetings. Say shit that sounds good, but somebody else told us.

George (56:40)
It do f fair enough, man. Yeah. Yeah.

It always starts with I it always starts with the person quoting, so and so said this, and then it evolves into, I once heard this, and then it goes into, I've always said this.

Austin Rampt (56:57)
Yeah. Yeah.

That's right, man. That's exactly right. That's right. That's what we do.

George (57:05)
Olivia, shout out to Olivia out there. She says, do you think suffering has intelligence? Was addiction trying to teach you something you refused to learn any other way? D that's a brilliant question. Do you think suffering has intelligence?

Austin Rampt (57:25)
I think wow. Intelligence. I don't so I'm gonna pause on the first part of the question. Would you mind repeating the second part of the question for me?

George (57:32)
Okay. Of course.

Was addiction trying to teach you something you refuse to learn any other way?

Austin Rampt (57:40)
Yeah, totally. And I think that goes back to, you know, the Yungian stuff that we were discussing earlier, almost like the the shadow self. I think I think addiction he had a great line and it was that

George (57:47)
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Austin Rampt (58:01)
that I'm constantly hungry in a world full of plastic food, right? Like the things that I'm eating are not going to satisfy the hunger that I have almost. And I think everyone has that has that hunger. Maybe, maybe some people have it in a greater degree, but I do really think it's the hunger for, you know, the divine spirituality, call it what you want. Does suffering have intelligence? I

Man, that is such like a a between the eyes question. I I don't A, I don't know the answer, but I'll I'll give you my perspective. I think I think that in a sober state

George (58:38)
Yeah, please.

Austin Rampt (58:48)
Some form, at least some glimpse of suffering, has a lot of value because it will it'll almost be used as fuel for the next leg of the journey. I think in but but it only has value if if that's what happens, right? If I'm sitting and suffering p constantly for no other reason than to suffer, I don't know that that that has any value for anyone, including myself.

Yeah, that's my my very quick take on that.

George (59:22)
Yeah. That's well said. I

I w

This is my personal take on it, Olivia. But I feel some amount of suffering is essential. Like it's necessary. Some amount of the suffering is you letting go of the very things that are holding you back. You don't want to let them go. Sometimes part of you has to die in order for part of you to grow.

In some of the most difficult times in my life. Like when I lost my son, my wife got cancer. Like, man, you should have heard the arguments I had with the creator, man. It was brutal. I get goosebumps just thinking about it right now. But you know what? Like, it's it's it's almost like it's almost like in that movie Forest Gump when Captain Ron was like, You call this a storm? You know, he's just fighting, you know, and like just cussing and throwing up a storm, like that's part of you dying.

That's part of you letting go of something you think is so essential you can't live without. But only after you let go of that can something new grow. Like there's a giant hole in you. And eventually something starts to grow back. So I and I think you're right to say that suffering for suffering's sake is is is is wild and crazy, but there is something in suffering that is intelligence. And when you recognize it, it gives you the courage to let go of. And

I'm sure everyone has their own story with that, but I I think that there is intelligence in there. And it's up to the individual to find out where that intelligence is. But yeah, that's a tough one, Olivia. That's a beautiful question there. Yeah. There. Marcus, Marcus coming from Atlanta. Shout out to Marcus. He says, is rock bottom an event, or is it simply the first moment where honesty lives? Best audience in the world.

Austin Rampt (1:00:59)
That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah.

Man, these guys, they have such good questions. Yeah.

I mean, I thought I had hit rock bottom so many times. Like my wife will say that all the time. Well, that's just his rock bottom. I said, Honey, we can always find deeper, you know? Like, until we're dead, you know, there's always a deeper bottom. And you know, I think I think rock bottom is really just when I stop digging, whenever that is, you know, and my most recent rock bottom.

George (1:01:26)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Austin Rampt (1:01:43)
was an emotional one. It was not, you know, I used to think, well, everything's gone. This must be bottom, right? But I will tell you the emotional bottom. I'll tell you a little story. So the Kratom, right? The relapse. And I I ended up picking up painkillers right at the end of that. This was two and a half years ago. And I I opiates, yeah. Yeah. And and so I go to rehab and I'm in rehab.

George (1:01:54)
Okay.

Opiate.

Austin Rampt (1:02:12)
Just broken. Like, Austin, you've been doing this for eighteen years now. Like, how are you still? How did you get in your A3 hab? And and while I was in there, it was the first time I ever consciously thought to myself, wait a minute, I already have everything that I want. All I have to do is not screw it up. It was the it was the first time I ever really thought that. Because what I really wanted

And what I've come to find out that I really want isn't financial, it's not success. It's like close, intimate personal relationships with people. And I have that in spades. I get tackled like a football team when I walk through the door by my kids. And it's like, what could be better than that? I've already got it all. And so, in that sense, that time of suffering that I went through really kicked me hard in a new direction to say, wait a second, look around you, man.

George (1:02:54)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:03:09)
You were dying and look at where you are. So in that sense, it did have a lot of intelligence.

George (1:03:17)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:03:19)
I know we kinda pop back to the last question on the rock bottom question. but but nevertheless, like it's all there.

George (1:03:22)
No, it's good.

You know what I'm hearing is like awareness, like becoming aware of what you truly have. And sometimes I think that with a greater found awareness comes not only the new heights you can reach, but also the new lows you can reach. Like you don't get one without the other. And maybe that's something that people, at least in my own experience, I shouldn't speak to other people, but my own experience on the lows that I have had, you know, I realize that.

your ability to be aware of these these lower lows also allows you to be aware of the higher highs. Have you found that to be true in your life as well?

Austin Rampt (1:04:09)
Totally. I remember reading The Prophet by Khalil Jabron years ago and there's a line in there. It says the the well of joy and sorrow are cut from the same stone, right? Like no matter how low, the lower I go on the one side, the the higher I can go on the other. You know? that yeah. So I didn't know what the hell it meant back when I read it. and I think but I think it's appropriate to what we're talking about right here.

George (1:04:14)
Yes. Great book.

Have you always been an avid reader?

Austin Rampt (1:04:41)
No. I'll you know, I I love I love wrestling with ideas. And so in that sense, like I will most definitely like I had a guy recommend to me a while back to read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. And again, I've I explained to you my, you know, kind of journey up until that point, but I was like, yeah, screw it, I'll read it, you know? And

George (1:04:42)
Ha ha ha.

Mm.

Austin Rampt (1:05:09)
And the last chapter was all about spiritual pride. And this was years ago. And I've never forgotten the information contained within that. And it was like, wow, I'm so glad I was open-minded enough to read that. And so, while I am not, I have a stack and I shit you not, maybe four across this high next to my bed of books that I've ordered that I intend to read. But you know, by 8:30, nine o'clock, when my wife and I get all the kids down, she

George (1:05:32)
Right.

Austin Rampt (1:05:37)
She's like, Can we just zone out on something mindless? And I'm like, Yeah, babe, go for it. You know? So like but but I do I really love the journey of of reading and exploring. But my but I have I do sometimes have a very hard time paying attention and absorbing.

George (1:05:37)
Yeah.

Yeah, I think we all do. But some of those books that you've mentioned, while a great read all the way through, you can pick up and just turn to a page on some of these books and just read a sentence or two and just be like, Whoa, let me just put this down for a minute. Think about this.

Austin Rampt (1:06:04)
Totally.

Mm-hmm.

Totally. Yeah. That's how, you know, Ecartele books were were very much like that. I actually had to listen to him on Audible because if I tried to read it, it didn't compute. I needed him to explain it, you know? So yeah, I love that stuff. And, you know, my wife is a she's a th you mentioned the DSM. She's a therapist. My wife isn't and yeah, so you know, she she play right, exactly. Physician heal thyself. And

George (1:06:16)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine that.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:06:36)
And she, you know, started plugging me in with like a lot of different really cool stuff that is of a different, you know, vein, but not really like Brene Brown and different authors out there. And I love her, man. Just like diving into what makes people tick is just like such a cool and I think that is the journey. I really do think that is the journey that the more sensitive I can become to what's going on inside of me, the more useful I will be in helping other people.

George (1:06:46)
Right.

Austin Rampt (1:07:06)
Do the same thing.

George (1:07:09)
Yeah. A l I've heard people say that everyone is a mirror and that which you recognize in other people, be it good or bad, is a reflection of yourself. Do you have a certain sort of philosophy that you that you use when you look at other people in relationships or what are your thoughts?

Austin Rampt (1:07:25)
Yeah, two things. So the the 12-step recovery phrase is you spot it, you got it. Right. So it's like it's like if you see something in someone else, and we we use that in the sixth and seventh step, which is all about identifying our own character flaws and you know giving those up to God. but I think another line that I really, really loved is I don't see the world as it is, I see the world as I am. And I and I

George (1:07:31)
I never heard that.

Austin Rampt (1:07:53)
I can't always recognize it in myself because most of us can't, but but you know, I I can't see the picture when I'm in the frame, right? I've got to have a third party to come back and and because I make decisions based on emotion and other people can make decisions based upon reason where I can't do that in my own life necessarily. So I've seen I've that's completely true. I've found that

Like somebody I forget who asked it. Somebody asked. I hope it wasn't you, George. Then I then I really have short term memory loss. But somebody asked to kind of define a spiritual experience. And and I think in the definition that we would use in the rooms of sobriety is that you know, you're now able to do, see, feel, and think things that you had denied yourself to at other times.

George (1:08:23)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:08:47)
And it's almost like the entire world changes, but we're the only ones who change. It nothing nothing externally necessarily changes. But but we change and as a result of that, we attract different things to ourselves. And it's like, you know. So I completely agree with what you said that I don't see, you know, the world is a mirror reflection of me.

George (1:09:06)
Yeah.

Yeah. It's interesting. What sometimes I I'll see someone be like, that guy is an arrogant jackass. And I'm like, god, that's me. That's me. Yeah, I'm an arrogant jack. Damn it, you know? It's like the world just like, Hello. What do you ever have that experience? Like, what do you do when you when you have that experience? What

Austin Rampt (1:09:17)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Well, the most vivid experience, at least similar to that, that I've had, is I used to be in great fear of other people's opinion, other people's judgment of me, you know. But but that all that all sprung out from my own critic, my own judgment of myself. And that when I

George (1:09:44)
Me yes, agreed. Me too.

Right. Right.

Austin Rampt (1:09:58)
stopped being as judgmental of myself magically. Nobody else was judging me either. And and I came I came to learn that, you know, whether provable or not, I believe everyone else is so wrapped up in themselves, they don't have time to judge me. Like, you know, nobody, it doesn't matter. That was all my own self centered fear.

George (1:10:04)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I always I when I get that feeling like I just mentioned, I take a moment to to sort of talk to that inner critic and be like, okay, obviously I'm seeing this. There's probably some things I should work on. And maybe I should look for the beauty in that person. Well, maybe he's that, but he's also these other things too. And then if I can spot those things a bit, okay, maybe that's the antidote to this other thing. So it's a shout out to anybody going through it.

Austin Rampt (1:10:45)
Yeah.

You know what I've I noticed that if I cast an initial judgment on somebody, almost inevitably if I ask them about their family and their childhood and I get more depth and dimension to their story, it goes away.

George (1:10:50)
Yes.

Right. Yes. Yep.

Yeah. That's a great one. That's a judgment is a is a pretty powerful force that I find in my life and a lot of people that I talk to. What is your maybe we could riff on that for a minute. When I say judgment, what comes to mind?

Austin Rampt (1:11:17)
Wow. I don't know that I've ever had to define the word judgment. And not that I'm not not that I'm defining the word judgment necessarily, but I really want to when I give a concise answer. When I say when I say judgment, I think maybe initially what comes comes to mind is like initial religious stuff, you know? But I think in in the way that it might apply in my life, it's it's so it's what we would call, wow, this really ties in.

George (1:11:24)
Right. Yeah, take your time.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:11:45)
It's what we would call a third step problem in our in my recovery circles, but it it actually ties into the C. S. Lewis stuff about pride. And that so what he was getting into is that and this is kind of why it's stuck with me, is that anytime I look out here and I judge, I say wrong. This should not be the way that it is, but it is the way that it is. But but and I'm saying to myself, this is not how this should be.

This person's not how it should be. This situation is like as in there's no divine order happening. That that what I'm actually what I'm actually doing is is playing God. I'm actually in that spiritual pride mode of saying, Hey, bud, I know that you're you've given divine order to the the magnitude of the universe, but that guy right there, you screwed up with him, man. You know what I mean? Like, like that sort of.

George (1:12:15)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:12:43)
Bullshit. So

yeah, that's kind of and that pride chapter from C. S. Lewis, man, is so good. So good. So anyhow, that that's what comes to mind with judgment. Is and it's like for a guy like me, that is that is the crux of most of my problems. Is is the belief that either I'm

George (1:12:52)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:13:08)
I'm wrong or that person is wrong or this situation is wrong, instead of believing that underpinning all of it is a fundamental goodness that's always working out. You know, whether true or not, that's my belief that that is true.

George (1:13:25)
Yeah, that's a beautiful lens to operate under. What can I learn from this? Or yeah, it's awesome. Who else do I got over here? Whoa, I got Alan. Alan coming over here. He says, if every decision we make is shaped by genetics, trauma, environment, and neurochemistry, how much moral responsibility should addicts actually carry?

Austin Rampt (1:13:32)
Yeah.

Well, so I'll I'll take two lenses on that. I've never been asked that question.

George (1:13:51)
Okay.

Austin Rampt (1:13:55)
For the attic. If we, if I, I'll say for me, if I do not take full accountability and responsibility, I will not recover. Full stop. If it's anyone else's fault, I'm not going to get better. From an external perspective, like let's say I'm looking at somebody who a week ago wanted to get sober and today relapsed.

In my head, I'm not saying you're responsible for that because I know that the the solution that they seek, they just haven't found yet. The same solution that I've found, right? That addiction is just rearing back up the way that it reared back up a hundred times in me. But for him, he's definitely holding himself responsible because that's the shame part of in the despair part of relapse, you know? And so I your question is great. And I hope from a

A world standpoint, right? Obviously there have to be consequences when when people do bad things. That's how our society operates. But I think from a a harm reduction or or a lessening of the problem standpoint, I the way that I view them and us, if if somebody's struggling, is that yeah, his brain is just reverting back to that thing it knows. And until we've we've, you know, dug new neuropathways or helped him to have a spiritual experience or

George (1:15:20)
Mm.

Austin Rampt (1:15:21)
brought him into the solution that gives him a way of living every day that he can maintain, he's very likely to go back to it again. And that's just a feature of alcoholism and addiction. It's not a bug, you know, that's a feature of it. it's that little silent voice that calls us for it.

George (1:15:39)
That's a great answer. Thanks, Alan. Appreciate it. I got Kevin. Kevin from Boston. Shout out to Kevin. He says, Is addiction simply desire without boundaries?

Austin Rampt (1:15:53)
Well, yeah, I think it's a lot deeper than that. I mean, I think and that's a a great way of framing it up, I suppose, and maybe in one sense that's true. But it's it's it's so much more than a desire. Like I'll the first time I drank, I was I just turned I was either twelve or thirteen. I it was the summer I was turning thirteen. I don't remember the exact date. And I it was three tall boys in a in the garage of a a

friend's house. And up until this point, I had severe neurological ticks as a child. Like I would twitch out a lot. I had even vocal ticks. I'd be sitting in the back of the classroom going, mm-mm like a dolphin. Kids were brutal. And so by the time I got my first buzz, the way that that felt to me, the relief that that was, it was like it was like driving through a rainstorm and going under an overpass for the first time.

Where the rain just stops. It's like dead silence. And and so after that, the relief that that provided to me, the taste that I just got, was like I never want to not feel that way. and and on the flip side, my sober moments became more and more horrific, right? So when I drank, the relief was great, but when I was not drinking or using drugs, the

the all the shit I had going on inside of me just spun out of control. Like it was horrendous. And that and that's part of the reason I I went so hard into addiction so quickly. But the back to the question is it desire without boundaries? I think it's so much more than that. For some reason, you know, like when I alter my mind in any way, in any way, there's a very high probability that I will either crave more of the same

Immediately or after that's done, I will obsess about more. Like when's the next time, you know? So great, great question. Great question. And I am in no way, you know, I'm not an authority on any of this shit. I just have a lot of lived experience, you know what I mean? So by all means, I hope you ask that question other people too and get their takes on it. Yeah.

George (1:18:10)
Right.

Yeah.

Do you think you'd be a different person if you didn't go through everything that you went through?

Austin Rampt (1:18:23)
Yeah, I totally do. you know, I have family members that didn't go through what I went through. And, you know, they're living they're living their their sweet lives and they have, you know, their own level of life issues. I will tell you that I'm at I'm at a point today where I can say to you without reservation, I really do like and love the person that I am. I've I have a lot of gratitude for the little quirks that used to

used to drag me down, but now they c they're like kind of my little neurodivergent superpower, man. You know, it's I I I feel a lot of gratitude for that stuff. And and in watching my mainly it's my little girls right now, but maybe my boys will show the same thing. watching them grow up and and watching them go through stuff and

George (1:19:07)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:19:16)
not just knowing that they will come through it, but having compassion for the spot that they're in and how difficult that must be for them is like love it. It's hard, right? In the moment. But I'm I'm very, very grateful for that experience of having to go through that. And and and to be honest, I don't think I would change what happened in my life at at all for this moment.

George (1:19:44)
Are you grateful for the experiences that you went through? Can you explain that? Like can you

Austin Rampt (1:19:47)
Yeah, I am.

It's back to the the joy the well of joy and sorrow, man. It really is, you know. Like do you wanna do you wanna ride a roller coaster that goes like that? Or do you wanna ride the fucking roll you know, sorry, I'm using bad language now. I don't always wanna ride a roller coaster that goes, ooh, you know, I want it to slow down eventually, but I I really am I do feel a an immense amount of gratitude because it's kind of like when I was when my my

George (1:19:55)
Yeah.

It's all good, man.

Right.

Hm.

Austin Rampt (1:20:19)
My three year old was being a terrorist and that song, j that John Mayer song came on and it went it just went, Remember that? Bud, when you're having a hard day, remember that. You would have killed for that hard day. You know? So yeah, that's the deal. That's the deal. Great questions.

George (1:20:23)
Yeah.

Mm.

Man.

Austin, phenomenal conversation. Has exceeded everything I thought, man. So much fun out here.

Austin Rampt (1:20:42)
Yeah. Cool, dude. I'm so glad to be doing this with you. And thank you to

the audience for for all the wonderful, very thoughtful questions. Those were lovely.

George (1:20:52)
Yeah. And there's a QR code for those that are watching us live right now. There's a QR code on the bottom. You can scan it and get the book right there at his site. Well, let me ask you this though, as a parting shot right here. What is it that if someone reads this book you want them to walk away with? Is there a certain idea? Is there a message or what is it? If someone reads this book, what should they, what do you hope they get out of it?

Austin Rampt (1:21:14)
Well, if if if there I guess I I do I do believe a lot of the time that the message we receive is is specific to who's receiving it, you know, because it's filtered through our own life experiences. if it's somebody who may have an addiction that that you're not alone. if it's somebody who just like digs a crazy ass story, you know, I hope it hits you. I hope I hope you feel a heart pull with it.

George (1:21:24)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:21:42)
Like maybe I hope that it it it gives you a desire to go deeper. You know, I really do. in my case it it you know it almost killed me and I certainly don't wish that upon anyone. but I hope, you know, and some people will just like go like, yo, dude, cool story, right? So, you know, whatever. It's you know, the cover has a lot of drugs on it. So like, you know.

George (1:22:07)
Yeah.

Austin Rampt (1:22:10)
Maybe don't read it at the nursery with the kids or anything, but yeah. I appreciate it, man. Thanks for that QR code also. That's very nice of you.

George (1:22:12)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah. And where can people find you where can people find ya at? If they're looking to reach out to you?

Austin Rampt (1:22:21)
Yeah.

one last hitbook dot com is my website. all my contact information is on there. At one last hit book on your various socials on Twitter. I'm at Austin Ramp R A P T. And yeah, that's the spot, man. I love connecting with anyone, by the way. So any if someone does read the book and wants to chat with me, by all means, please reach out. I would love to hear from you.

George (1:22:46)
Ladies and gentlemen, Austin, hang on briefly afterwards to everybody else with that in the sound of my voice, to Kevin and Sophia, Jennifer, Marcus, Olivia, Nathan, and Rebecca and Jordan, thanks so much for hanging out with us today. That's all we got. Have a beautiful day, ladies and gentlemen. Hello.