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This podcast is focused on challenges that are routinely encountered by men aged 50 - 70, but
not often discussed. Although targeted to them, this is also applicable to older / younger men
who are looking for ways to age differently, as well as the women that are involved in their lives.
Stress, relationships, male friendships, diet, mindfulness, aging with vitality and dying are just
some of the many topics that are covered. A rotating series of guest speakers join the podcast
to provide insights and wisdom relating to other relevant topics such as EMF radiation,
emotional intelligence, mindfulness and hair health.
Well, welcome, good day, and hello to our audience out there. Welcome to another episode of the 50 -70 Meaningful Conversations Between Men podcast.
I'm here with my good friend, Darius. Hi, Darius. Good morning, Peter. How are you? I'm doing quite well today. We're going to talk about some interesting stuff. stuff today. What kind of interesting stuff?
Well, in the first part of this episode, we talked about aging with vitality, and we focused on exercise and diet and smart supplementation.
Today we're going to continue that conversation, but we're going to focus on other things that have been shown to potentially have a benefit in increasing the vitality as we age.
Those include... microstressers, relationships, sleep, finding meaning purpose, and a mindset of preventative health. - All of them elements,
tools of a philosophy that we have. - Correct. - About aging, right? - Correct. - And we had a conversation yesterday where, and in the episode prior where we talked about learning to,
manage walking the edge of the cliff as you age, remember that? - Yeah, I do, I think it might be helpful for us to kind of kick off this episode by summarizing that conversation because it was a delightful conversation afterwards that we had ruined a little deeper into that concept.
- Yeah, yeah, we did. The experience I've had that I shared with Darius is that a lot of my experience is now at... 70 and it actually started probably 60 and Darius reminded me probably started when I was 50.
The body starts to age, degenerate, and it's a process that starts almost from birth. But yet it balances out over time.
You have accidents, experiences, and the body restores, renews, rejuvenates. Lesson 2. process. But then that process begins to slow down as we age and the body begins to degenerate.
And what I've discovered is that it's something like walking on the edge of a cliff. Sometimes you'll slip. And the older you are,
the less quick you are to grasp the legs. ledge and keep from maybe sliding further down over the edge of the cliff.
And so there are things that we can do that I've done. And you came up with just a wonderful way of illustrating it.
Through some of these elements. Elements that we're about to discuss Microstressers we've talked about them in our last episode as well exercise supplementation diet Those are ways when you age to create ledges So when you fall or you slip over the cliff You have a ledge that you can grab on to you can hold on to so you don't continue the slippery slippery slope down.
- That's right. - You experienced any of that at 50? - No, like I told you yesterday, the warranty falls off the body, I think at 40. That's when it gets even more challenging.
And it's all those small decisions that we're making that are either creating those ledges for us to have a softer landing and an easier recovery, or are slowly sandpapering them,
and blasting them all. so that there's nothing to grab on to and inadvertently, not meaning to most likely, create a situation where it is more challenging for us to come back when we do slip.
Because it's not about if we're gonna slip, let's be honest, everyone is gonna slip. We could wrap ourselves up in bubble wrap and not move and we're still gonna slip. It's how quickly we recover that shows how healthy we truly are.
- And I'm recalling. in that last episode, this came up because we were talking about aging as being a process of degeneration that is unavoidable. But in our modern culture,
with the way we eat, with the lack of mindful movement, lack of movement, exercise, lack of sleep, what we're doing is that we're accelerating the process. Yeah,
we're getting, we're not making ledges, we're removing ledges. That's - That's right, that's right. - So let's talk about a way that we can make a ledge. - Please. - A healthy, micro -stressor that you hadn't experienced in a while,
but you got to experience last night. The infrared sauna, tell us about it, how was it? - I still think this is crazy. We had,
I had the opportunity to sit in the rise's sauna. and it's not your typical hot sauna or, when I say hot,
moist wet sauna or dry sauna. It's an infrared sauna, and it has the benefit of, instead of from the external,
and I'm going to do my best to explain this from my experience, instead of warming up from the outside in, you warm up from the outside. inside out. Phenomenal experience,
and afterwards, after sitting for 25 minutes, it's all I could bear, sat out in the cold, what was it, about 30 degrees? - 32 degrees,
31 degrees? - Didn't feel a thing. I did feel wonderful. It really did. And the effects of that, the kind of quiet in my joints,
that's the best way to describe it. it. My joints didn't feel afflicted, they didn't feel activated. They felt calm. Sometimes the way I feel when I've done a nice meditation and I've just been still for a while or a great yoga class.
So just another way, another ledge. - Yeah, and the science behind it's really astounding. There's something called heat shock proteins. Proteins that are released. released when you're exposed to heat,
and those proteins go by and they clean up toxins in the body. If there's misaligned proteins or proteins that aren't correctly formed, they'll clean them up. And the studies that have been done on saunas,
particularly in Finnish people, which is where I learned it from, have shown significantly, I think, two -thirds decrease risk of Alzheimer's, decrease risk of cancer.
The article you sent me on the information. sauna saying they're actually using infrared saunas to treat cancer right now, which is mind blowing. But it's a healthy stress that requires the body to adjust and adapt.
And you're right, when you're done, you feel great because you have just flushed the system of all the toxins that you've built up over a day, a week, a month,
who knows how long. - So what's that got to do with it? - What does that have to do with it? with longevity? - That creates a ledge for us, because if you're taking care of yourself and you're feeling that quieting in the joints,
when you slip, the slip might not be as fall. You've got that ledge that you can go back to and build back up from. And I would actually even go further and say, if you use this as part of your recovery regimen,
it will help you restore after you've done a heavy exercise. - Yes, yeah. - That aren't athletes, starting to use this more? Didn't you tell me something about a team that is now making it part of their recovery therapy?
- Yeah, that's hyperbaric oxygen, which is another micro stress, or that's also a big shown where you get in a tube and the pressure is taken up,
I don't know how high it goes, and then in it's part of your recovery therapy, full of refined oxygen. And the theory behind hyperbaric oxygen is really simple. It allows oxygen to get to parts of the body more easily than it otherwise could.
So I've been experimenting with this for the last few months, and I was feeling great. And then I stopped because I was busy and traveling. And within two weeks, I noticed the immediate effects in my joints.
And it was okay. okay, this for my body is absolutely helping with joint function and decrease the inflammation and the pain, and it was a clear sign,
you know, going back to treating us like a lab and listening to the body. My body was telling me clearly, if you do this a couple times a week, your joints aren't going to hurt as much. Yeah. It's your choice to make right now.
And that's another example of a ledge that we can make. Yes. Yes. And believe it. me, at 70, maybe at 60, your joints start to talk to you.
Mine do all the time. So I'm really curious because there's another micro -stressor that we're going to be trying this evening. And when I tell people that we do this, most people look at me like I'm a little insane,
which is not only will we do the sauna, we're going to go jump in. And for those listening, the temperature in Boston. Boston today is about 32 degrees for snow of the year Peter and I are going to fill a bucket full of water and ice And after we do in the sun,
I and I are going to go jump in the cold plunge and the same same thinking Right, you've now flushed the system out and then when you get in the cold plunge It causes the blood vessels to constrict.
What did the producer who just came here say it was? the essence essence of life, the meaning of life, the purpose of life. - Meaning of life. - It was the meaning of life. So we're gonna have to experience that in a few hours.
- Yeah, the craziness. No, we're not crazy, but we are continuing a philosophy and approach where if something works to decelerate the aging and accelerate the vitality of our lives to bring it up to a high level.
level. What we're talking about is give it a shot, you know? - Try it. - Try it. Don't just deny to yourself the opportunity of seeing if it benefits you.
And so I'm not crazy about the idea, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I have-- - Choose your heart, Peter. - Choose your heart. And yeah, exactly.
Choose your heart. And choose your heart. this heart, if it gives me better mobility, faster recovery, which, you know, that's the science,
then why not give it a shot? - Yeah, so let's talk about something different, a different theme here, that has been shown to have major implications on longevity and vitality,
and that's relationships. And the relationships you have, not only with your mental health, friends We've you guys have already hopefully listened to that episode But with your parents with your children with your family members with your community with your friends You know at 70.
I love your thoughts on the impact those relationships have had on you during the last 20 years of your life relationships are the foundation of joy and happiness.
They're so difficult to manage because we come each of us with our own life experiences, our own traumas, our own imprints in our psyche from what we've experienced when we were younger before.
Maybe we had some of these relationships. relationships in particular before we Meet our partners or our spouses And we have them when we have our children and whether we're conscious of it or not whether it's children Spouses partners We come with these imprints in our psyche that unconsciously provoke us.
And this is a term I use sometimes. These experiences are sometimes painful. And what we do if we're not conscious, if we're not paying attention,
is we regurgitate the pain from the past. - Yep, we recreate it. - Yes, yeah. And it comes up in relationships. And so it gets in the way of relationships.
And what I've learned is to try to be much more conscious of it. I am so imperfect at this, it's such a work in progress. There's so many things I wish I did different, but it doesn't help me to wish and fret and regret and what if it's done with.
And so what I'm learning, and I want the audience to hear that, what I'm learning, I haven't learned it yet. is to be more present in relationships and not to bring the baggage from yesterday and know the difference when I'm doing that.
And we talked about this in the episode on stress. One of the ways, one of the indicators is know how you're feeling emotionally. It's a great indicator.
The thoughts are there and that's probably a good indicator but you'll run away. with your thoughts. You'll wander off. - I'll tell you one of the most powerful things I've learned, it's two words. I'm sorry.
- Yes, yes. - No, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry, but this is why? No, it's just, you know what? I realize I've done something that I regret.
I see that my actions or my words have caused you distress. I'm sorry, and I'm gonna take that, and I'm gonna try and learn, and I'm gonna try and do better. - How do you avoid feeling the vulnerability that maybe in the past has gotten in your way to saying,
I'm sorry? - I don't think you can, 'cause that's another thing. To say you're sorry, you have to be open. - Yes. - And you have to accept that. that by opening up,
you're showing that you are invested in the relationship. And the more I've come to think about it, there's a real power and vulnerability because you're being true to yourself and you're not doing the thing where you walk away and you feel self -righteous.
That's one of my wonderful crutches. I walk away when I've been quote unquote wronged, I'm usually wronged in. my mind as a result of some belief that I have, and then I stew about it.
So you said something interesting, not to put the stewing aside, but you said be true to yourself. What do you mean by that? I think everyone has an authentic self,
and for a lot of reasons, people hide who they are. They're afraid of being judged and found lacking, they're afraid of... of being unworthy. But when you realize you have done something that you regret and you're able to honestly say,
"I'm sorry," that's being true to who you are. Is that a form of care? And is it a form of self -care,
not just care for the person in the relationship? relationship, but have you ever looked at it that way? I think it's care of the relationship, because you are recognizing it could be a good friend of yours.
I had a good friend, and I hadn't seen him in 30 years. He came out to visit, and it felt like we had seen each other two weeks ago, and we're sitting down at a beach place down on the shore,
we're sitting on the wall, and I looked said, All right, I need to apologize to you. And he looked at me like, Why? I said, Do you remember? Do you remember 33 years ago this night?
Of course I remember that night. I did that because I wanted to hurt you. I am really sorry. And he looked at me and he goes, Why are you apologizing?
You know why you did what you did because I had done something two years earlier. I'm the one who should be sorry and we had this almost teary -eyed moment, and it was just I'm sorry.
I'm sorry Everything was forgiven So it's care in the relationship. It's care of yourself and it's care of the other person. Yeah And I think going back to a point you're about to raise There's certain relationships that earn that level of trust and earn that level of care and consideration You family your close friends And then there's other people That you that might be in your life But aren't going to be in there
because those relationships are more superficial and that's where you need to make the decision Am I going to invest in this relationship? Or am I going to take my time and invest it somewhere else?
Yes time Time. - The only commodity we have. - That's right. - All right, let's switch gear. Speaking of time, this is a big one.
I'm really looking forward to it when we do a full episode on this one, but meaning and purpose. - Ooh. - And I can tell you when I started to get interested in meaning and purpose.
It was start of COVID, my brother -in -law got really sick He was diagnosed with late -stage Stomach cancer and he passed away four months later So I'm sitting on a beach with my kids on vacation Miserable grieving for his loss.
It's far too young and I pick up Victor Frankl's book man search for meaning. Yes just a powerful powerful powerfully stunning book.
- What was powerful about it for you? - His story, how he survived going through what he went through. He was a Holocaust survivor.
And how he managed to create good from that experience. And I think he lived to be something like 93. And that's why I started thinking about purpose and purpose.
what I've come to learn in my experience and I'd love your thoughts on this. When I'm in alignment with my purpose, when I am acting, behaving,
doing actions that contribute to and advance that purpose, there is a flow. When I am not in alignment with that purpose, when I am distracted or doing actions that don't contribute to it,
there is a dissonance that I feel physically, mentally, and I would say even emotionally as well. Yes. Does this purpose that you're talking about,
does it have to be a global purpose, save the world, or can it be something else? - I'm not an expert in life missions or purposes,
but my knee -jerk reaction to that question is really simple. If it's true to you, it doesn't have to be global or noble or ambitious.
And some of the ones that I've had experience with or other people have shared with me what they're doing, it's those "small ones" that are done flawlessly where people don't know what they're doing.
truly apply themselves to it that have impacts far beyond what they could have possibly imagined. - And what would you say these days is your purpose?
- Simple and it's challenging all at the same time. Do good. - Yeah. - And that means do good for myself, self care. It means do good for my family.
means do good for the community. And with this podcast, hopefully there's somebody out there listening that neither of us have ever met before who is listening to this and is picking up two or three things that they're gonna apply in their daily life.
And hopefully it creates one situation they had which could have turned stressful or negative and they've got a new tool in their tool chest that they've been able to successfully employ. So,
the audience is clear. We should be clear with the audience. This purpose, really, it doesn't have to be noble or altruistic. It can be as much as just taking care of yourself,
right? It's a wonderful purpose. What's your purpose these days? These days, it's pretty simple. It's making a difference. And, it's...
enough if I make the difference in one person's life, and it's enough that I've made a difference already in people's lives, in my family's lives,
in the lives of relationships I've had. But in my life, thank you. But continuing that, continuing by being present with purpose and the purpose that I've defined for myself.
myself. And it's a little bit different than the conditioning that I learned was what purpose should entail. - What is that conditioning? What is that belief system that you got?
'Cause I could tell you what the 1970s, 1980s child conditioning belief purpose is, make a lot of money. - Yeah. - Get married, have two kids,
retire at 65, play golf. - Yeah. yeah. And didn't feel authentic to my persona. No judgment for anybody who has pursued that path and still found their purpose.
It's not something that I personally could get passionate about. And we haven't mentioned this, but for me, purpose needs some passion. It absolutely does. does. And simply retiring and then just kind of living,
existing, thank you, existing. From my perspective, didn't serve purpose and I couldn't get passionate about it.
Someone out there in the audience, 65, 66. retired, playing golf every day, if you're passionate about it and you feel like it's purposeful in terms of bringing you pleasure,
joy in your life and that's what you seek, that's perfectly fine. We're not here to judge anyone. - Absolutely not. - We're offering another way perhaps of perceiving and experiencing life.
Other than that, we're not here to judge anyone. maybe the way we've been told. Chris? All right, so let's switch gears. You and I don't have many disagreements, but over the last couple of days,
spending time together, which had been fantastic, one of the biggest differences that I've noticed between us is when it comes to sleep, and how we approach sleep,
and Peter correctly pointed out that. Darius, you're like a bear in the winter. You go to sleep at 9 30 or 10. You don't get out of bed until seven and it's true.
And honestly, if you said you want to take a nap this afternoon, I'd say Peter, I could probably take a nap for an hour because I've come to learn from my body. I need in the winter,
I need those nine hours in the summer when the sun's up lighter, I can cut it down set. seven, seven and a half and I'm fine. But sleep is just so important and listening to the body with respect to what you need because what my needs are,
are fundamentally different than your needs and it's been wonderful to watch your patterns and how vital you are and how energized you are with a sleep regimen that would devastate me.
The science is irrefutable about the importance. of sleep But just like any prescription It's not absolute We're all different.
We're all so unique and this is one of the things I've learned in the years that I've been in this planet The years I've been a teacher of mindfulness meditation and coaching Is that each one of us is unique and And let me add this derise we're special Every one of us is special.
- Absolutely. - And so if we can tap into our inner capacity of that specialty that we are, the skills that are natural to us, I think that,
I feel that brings us more joy and is more authentic to who we are, as opposed to trying to be something we're not. Getting back to the prescriptive nature of medicine and the prescriptive nature of medicine.
as science is kind of sharing with us. It's not absolute because the science is based on a generality. It's not based on the specific individual,
you and me. And so going back to our first podcast, going back to conversations we've had on earlier podcasts, use your own.
own mind and body and emotions and energy to gauge what works for you. And listen and I see you're wearing the Ura ring as well. Yes. That to help it help here and make sure we're correctly interpreting what the body is saying.
Just gives us information. Exactly. And then you have to decide how it works for you. And you're present with your body so you can gauge patterns and you can gauge when there's variances and what is and isn't working if you develop the capacity to pay attention.
That's exactly right. So I did an experiment about a month ago. I decided to buy a weighted blanket. Have you ever heard of these things? No. See that?
For those of you who are actually watching this, do you see that? Look, that is the Oh, where is he going with this one? So I bought a weighted blanket. It's 20 pounds. and it goes on top of you. And Peter,
I will tell you that that thing is like sleeping in a cave with somebody cuddling you because when you roll over, you've got the weight pressing on you and it just soothes that sympathetic nervous system right back to sleep you go.
So anybody who's having trouble sleeping, you know, figure out what works, a weighted blanket, a consistent bedtime, utter dark darkness, a white noise, whatever it is, sleeping cool or sleeping hot,
or you got to experiment to find out how to get that sleep that your body needs. Yeah. Figure out what works for you. One way to do that is by observing and being real clear and focused on what does not work for you.
Yeah. And that kind of goes into the next topic, which is the mindset we've talked about. about, the preventative health mindset. How would you define a preventative health mindset?
It's been my lifestyle adaptation from early on. Something made me realize that rather than just submit to the vagaries of incidents and the DJI.
of the body as an example, that there might be some things that I could do to delay the acceleration. And there's been plenty of discussions throughout history about preventative approaches to disease,
ailments, to... colds and flu, and for me, basically, I've come to think that it's as simple as whatever you discern,
you figure out, works for you. Works for you in a simple way to enhance. we were talking about this earlier today,
enhance your immune system. We do so much to deplete the immune system and the body with the foods, the lack of mobility, lack of sleep,
lack of sleep. And so if you were to, again, looking at what you're not doing, if you were to do things to enhance the immune system, to keep the immune system capable of battling off [BLANK _AUDIO] millions of viruses and bacteria that Inhabit that you're a host to and the immune system figures out how to balance it until and unless we depreciate it we We do things that are toxic to it.
We don't do things that are enhancing of the immune system. So Those are the things I've been doing throughout my life trying to figure out. How do I keep my immune system? system strong and how do I do with food and supplementation and exercise preventative efforts to keep myself healthy.
Well, that sure sounds like a call to action if I've ever heard it, which is to take one of these things that we've been talking about, sleep, diet, exercise,
wellness, purpose, and play with it for the next four years. six weeks, experiment. See what works, see what doesn't work, and listen to what your body is saying and the feedback that it is providing.
Yes. That leads me to the perfect quote. Oh, please, Peter. Peter, to end this episode, he began to see.
that the key to liberation, to freedom, to awareness, it lay with each step,
each breath, each pebble along the pathway. And so, to the audience, I say,
it's it's one step at a time You don't have to reach the horizon right away the efforts you might take today will pay off gradually eventually and that's How we'll end today Wonderful Peter.
Thank you. Thank you. Good to see you as always and Glad to have the audience as participants Participate with us So this will be posted on age differently calm Any feedback and comments,
please let us know if not looking forward to the next one Take care everyone