Well, I gotta tell ya folks, everyday life, it's a trip. It's like walking through a minefield, where every step could trigger an explosion - of stupidity! I mean, have you ever noticed how when you go to a restaurant, they'll ask, "Do you have a reservation?" - As if the act of physically coming to the restaurant isn't reservation enough.
Like, "No, I just wandered in here aimlessly, got seated and decided to order food, but I'm not really sure if I want to eat here." -
And what's the deal with all these healthy food trends? Gluten-free, dairy-free, taste-free. People are so afraid of food these days, you'd think it was the boogeyman. "Oh no, there's a carb on my plate! Somebody get an exorcist!" -
Then you got these tech geniuses, these Mark Zuckerberg wannabes, coming up with apps for everything. There's an app to remind you to drink water. Water! The thing our bodies are 70% made of! If you need an app to remind you to do that, I'm surprised you remembered to breathe today.
But let's talk about politics, that's always a laugh. You got one side saying, "We want change!" and the other side saying, "We want change too!" - but the only thing that's changing is the amount of gray hair on my head trying to follow along with their nonsense.
I mean, democracy is a beautiful thing, but let's be honest, it's like giving a group of kids the freedom to choose their own bedtime. Sure, they'll make a choice, but it's not gonna be a good one.
And don't even get me started on culture. We've got kids eating Tide Pods one minute, then kneeling for social justice the next. It's like society's got mood swings worse than my ex-girlfriend on a full moon.
But hey, that's just life, right? One big, beautiful, crazy, messed up carnival ride. So buckle up, hold on tight, and whatever you do - don't eat the cotton candy. Trust me, it's gluten-free.