Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Binge eating and emotional eating keep millions of people from living their best lives. If you're one of them, this podcast is for you. Hosts Georgie Fear, Christina Holland, and Maryclaire Brescia share insights and key lessons from their wildly successful Breaking Up With Binge Eating Coaching Program. Their methods integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, nutritional science and change psychology -- but what you'll notice is that it works and feels good. Step off the merry go round of dieting and binge eating and into a healthier, happier body and mind.
When Food Becomes Protest: Defusing Resentment & Rebellion
===
Georgie: [00:00:00] This is the breaking up with binge eating podcast, where every listen moves you one step closer to complete food freedom hosted by me, Georgie fear and my team at confident eaters. I think I just like food too much, sarah said, I'm not gonna be happy with one slice of pizza ever. Having a lot of it is really important to me, so I need like three slices. Sarah always tells it like it is. She's a refreshingly honest client. Sometimes she'll say to me, yes, that's exactly it, Georgie, and then other times, no, that's not how I think of it.
So I said, okay. So three pieces of pizza seems like an amount that would make you happy. And then one slice we know would make you decidedly unhappy. She nodded. So what about 2.9 slices? I said. Nope. Unhappy. There's a limit there, georgie. If you told me I could only have 2.9 pieces of pizza, I would not be happy.
I reflected to her. Ah, so it's not actually about the amount of pizza that makes you happy. What you want is not having any limits. Yes, she said that's exactly what it is. See what I mean? She's super clear with yeses and nos. One of the flat out nos that came in that conversation was around Sarah's feelings of resentment.
She admitted anything short of complete freedom with food, made her feel really resentful. She already felt overloaded with responsibility in her life. Sarah owns a business with her husband and they have about a dozen employees, and she works a lot of hours just to keep all the wheels turning. We discussed how staying late at work can make her feel resentful, and that resentment can be a powerful influence that makes her want to eat [00:02:00] emotionally.
But you don't have to stay late, I said. Maybe it would help to look at the situation, like, I want to get all this paperwork done tonight, so I'm choosing to stay until it's done. And she said, uh, no. I don't want to stay. I do it because I have to. If I say I want to stay late, that would just be a lie. So if you, dear listener, have anything that you feel resentful about being forced to do, you might be able to relate to how that irritation drives Sarah to snack.
It's intensely uncomfortable to feel like we're boxed in and don't have choices, and it makes us want to rebel or act out in ways which might not be good for us long term. In some ways, all the responsible adulting we do can make us yearn to get outta line or overthrow the oppressive systems and eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast.
But are we really winning or making ourselves any happier by rebelling against all responsibility when it comes to food? Not really. Usually we only end up hurting ourselves. Today's episode is all about how to set yourself free from resentment and cool down that inner rebellion before it even gets started, so it no longer sets you back from your goals.
I'm breaking the content today down into three sections. I feel like all of these are helpful. You may find that one of them is more helpful than the others for you. So you know, listen to them all. Try out what you wanna try. First up, is breaking the habit of thinking in terms of have tos and can'ts.
You may have heard the suggestion of translating your have to or can't statements into things with I get to or I want to. These are commonly recommended replacements and in some situations this verbal alchemy works really beautifully. I find physical activity and family things really well suited to this language swap.
For example, if we say I get to go work out, it can remind us of what a privilege it is to be able to do that. It brings a different [00:04:00] emotional color scheme to the activity as opposed to thinking I have to work out. Similarly, thinking I get to attend a theme park with my son and daughter can change our whole outlook on the day if we choose that instead of I have to take my kids to a theme park. But try that when you have to file your taxes. I get to file my taxes! Doesn't really feel believable for many people. It certainly doesn't for me. Or let's say your job requires you to move 3000 miles from your hometown, family, and friends.
I get to move away from people I love, eh? It just doesn't feel legit, does it? In this sort of have to, I recommend trying it would be advantageous to Now I get that that's a bit formal language and it doesn't sound like a thought that would be automatic. And that's okay. It never has to become automatic.
This is one of the tools that you'll pull out when you recognize that you're having a hard time getting your butt in gear to do a thing. The automatic thought might still be, I don't wanna, or This sucks, but that's your cue to go to your intentional replacement. It could sound like this. It would be advantageous for me to start working on my taxes 'cause once they're done, I will experience massive relief.
It would be advantageous to me also because jail is not highly rated and I'd like to not get in trouble with the government, it would be advantageous to do my taxes because I'll find out if I can get a refund and maybe buy a new pair of hiking boots. The end result of naming the advantages in this way is that you're flushing out the benefits side of the cost benefit analysis, and that analysis lies at the core of all motivation.
Okay. The last language swap trick that I have for you is different, and this one we add the words if I want. So the uniqueness of this tactic is that you can keep using your original, have tos and can't statements. You just add on that addendum if I want, sounds like this. I have to go back to the grocery store [00:06:00] for tomatoes if I want to make that pasta dish.
I can't play my music as loud as I enjoy it, if I want to be a good neighbor, I have to mail the Christmas cards if I want to send loving messages to my friends and family. What you're doing here is clarifying that the constraints on your behavior are coming from your own desires. One more time. The constraints on your behavior are coming from your own desires, so the result is you lose the illusion that there's some external thing to rebel against.
No Monster is telling you you have to mail the Christmas cards. It's coming from within you. It's something you want to do. This is huge when it comes to food. The change in my clients when they make this language swap is tremendous. They learned to stop saying, I have to eat vegetables, and I can't eat a pint of ice cream every night and start saying things like, I have to eat vegetables if I want to avoid another heart attack.
I can't eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's every night if I want to stop my weight from continuing to climb. So hang on to that one. I have to blank if I want blank. Or I can't insert action if I want insert outcome. Number two, do other things that make you feel powerful and free. The thing that makes you feel powerful and free might be very unique to you.
Many people find lifting weights is helpful. You could create, wander, take time when you aren't at the beck and call of your cell phone or email. This can be hard to conceptualize, if you like me, are totally conditioned to operate within a life that's full of responsibilities, appointments, and routines that can make you feel enslaved to them.
The harder it is for you to imagine being powerful and free the more you need to do it. Small chunks of time are generally the easiest to start. I mean, [00:08:00] there's nothing wrong, maybe you can find feeling powerful and free for a minute or two. If you were the boss of your life and you were totally free to do what you wanted for a few hours, think through what you might choose regardless of what it is.
Maybe it's knitting. That's powerful. You can be a powerful knitter because you're choosing what you wanna do and nobody else is making you do it. Then once you've identified what you would do. Make time to realize that mode of being in the world. Again, only if it's for a couple of minutes. Remind yourself that you have ways to feel powerful and free.
Number three, recognize there's some things that are worth fighting against, but reality is not one of them. By all means, I encourage you to rebel against unhealthy messages in the media. Push back against anyone that treats you disrespectfully. You do not have to accept stigma or other people's opinions or expectations.
However, when we're just talking reality, I'm gonna encourage you to not fight and to try acceptance. Why? Because fighting reality is an exhausting and unwinnable war. Acceptance is hard, but the reality is that food has consequences. I didn't make this rule. I'm only recognizing what science tells us. An individual food decision is pretty inconsequential, but the cumulative effect of what we eat day in and day out frequently over time really has power.
It's normal to experience sadness and even feel like you're grieving if you have been thinking or wanting reality to be that the amount and type of food that you eat has zero impact on anything. It may have felt all your life, like food wasn't something you had to think about until a certain point, and it can be painful to accept that now it's going to take some intent. As long as we are denying reality, we're preventing ourselves from addressing reality. [00:10:00] If we believe, even partially that our food patterns have zero bearing on how we feel and the health of our bodies, we aren't able to 100% commit to improving our eating. But I'm not here to be Georgie Downer.
There is a really, really good upside to accepting the fact that food choices have an impact. Because the impact of food can be profoundly positive. I became a dietician because I wanted to know more about how powerful food was, and I wanted to be able to use that power to help people have better lives. I see it every day.
There's evidence of how food creates positive changes for people. Food decisions can reverse vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Food choices can strengthen our bones and immune system. They give athletes more strength and endurance. Food decisions boost our mental health, sleep. They can improve recovery from stress and all of those things added together help us get more out of every precious day.
Food is a way you can do that. To bring together the key points in this episode. I really, really want you to try these. Number one, break your habits around can't or have to thinking. Number two, purposely do things that make you feel powerful and free, besides eating burritos of rebellion, as one of my clients called it.
Number three, accept the reality that our food choices are impactful physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is a good thing. This is one of the ways in which we all hold tremendous power. Thanks for listening. If you wanna know more about working with me or Mary Claire just email me Georgie fear@gmail.com. I'm sending you lots of love this week, and I'll see you soon.