Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
How Does She Do It? is a podcast about what sits underneath the roles women carry.
Hosted by Latasha Kennedy, the show explores motherhood at the intersection of faith, family and calling through honest conversations with women building meaningful lives. We talk about the decisions, systems, relationships, setbacks and support behind what everyone else sees.
These are not conversations with women who have everything figured out. They are conversations about becoming, choosing what matters, navigating seasons that stretch you and building a life that reflects what God has entrusted to you.
From marriage and motherhood to identity, health, work, purpose, money and the dreams that still matter, How Does She Do It? asks the question women are often thinking when they look at another woman’s life they admire:
"Geez, how does she do it?"
Well sis, it’s time to find out.
LATASHA (00:00)
Dr. Stacy Haynes is an award-winning author, mental health therapist, and the visionary behind Love Our Babies Well. Her latest work isn't just a book, it's a faith-based, trauma-informed guide that offers over a thousand practical strategies for every stage of development. But what I love most about Dr. Stacy's work is her focus on the complex reality from advocacy for neurodivergent children.
to replacing punitive discipline with genuine connection. She's here to help us bridge the gap between faith and mental health and to show us how to love our babies well, even when life feels overwhelming. Dr. Stacy, thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show.
DR. STACY (00:45)
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited about our conversation today.
LATASHA (00:49)
I okay. I can't hold it. So Dr. Stacy, there's a question I ask every mom because I love to sort of set the scene of what your current situation is looking like. Now for you, your babies are in college now. So your
DR. STACY (01:06)
Your
LATASHA (01:07)
everyday situation is looking a little different. But tell us as an empty nester, what is a typical Tuesday like for you now?
DR. STACY (01:16)
Well, I would love to say it doesn't mean we stop parenting, right? Just because they're away at college, right? At any moment you can get the cash app that says, Mom, I need money. That says, Mom, you know, can can you send me money for my PT? So yeah, typical Tuesday. one of the things about being a therapist, and I love being in this space, is I'm working with families, I'm doing podcasts, I'm writing.
today actually I'll be going later this evening is church. So I have my children's ministry, I'm a children's pastor at my church as well. So yeah, I am not disconnected from kiddos. Not not at all.
LATASHA (01:55)
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah, there's a special place that I little babies have in my heart too. And so even though my boys are bigger and taller than me, I still I still like love to rub the cheeks and just, you know, have like a baby whisper conversation every once in a while. You know what I mean? So, okay, so even though
They're they're out of the house. They're still very much connected to mom and all of the things that, you know, keep them alive, so to speak. So what would you say then is is different about you now in the sense of when they were on your hip 14 months apart? What what is it that you wish that younger Stacy knew that you're very well aware of now as their mom?
DR. STACY (02:50)
man, that's a really great question. And I would definitely say being mindful of how fast the time goes, right? Everyone tells you that. But but even as we do the introduction here, and I'm like, my babies are in college.
My baby. And that is, you know, being intentional. And I always talk about this intentionality with parenting and and quantity of time, right? Sometimes we have quantity, but
Quality is just as important as vanity because time gets away from us sometimes. And I tell people all the time, as a therapist, I might have seen my children in the morning, right? Because I was morning mom. I'd get them everybody up, get them off to school. And then once they're in school and sports and on a field, I'd see them. I'd leave sometimes from sessions, go see them play a sport, and then get back to my sessions for the evening. Wow. And it's okay.
LATASHA (03:39)
Quantity
DR. STACY (03:40)
And
Quality, there are two different moments in parenting, right? And so sometimes you're gonna have bonding. Right now I have quality and that's a FaceTime phone call every Sunday where I can sit and see their face, reject those cheeks. and I'm intentional about that so that I can also see what they're doing. But I would say to folks, remember, quantity and quality are two different things, but we need both when it comes to parenting well.
LATASHA (04:03)
Yeah, I love that you put so much emphasis though on your journey when they were younger and how you sort of found a way to manage both the work that you were doing, which you found to be very important and impactful, while also doing the work at home, which was also important and impactful. So what would your advice be to the mom who's just like, Jesus, like take the wheel. This is like seemed too much. I I gotta go to basketball.
Then I gotta go to the assembly and I have to like go on a field trip next Tuesday. Like and I also have to be in a meeting and look like something, talk like I know what I'm talking about. What's your advice for her? How does she how does she do it, do the things that really matter, you know? Got grace.
DR. STACY (04:52)
We got our two P's, prayer and the planner. That's it.
Prayer and the planner. Listen, I I
LATASHA (05:01)
sure.
DR. STACY (05:03)
You know, and and it's it's it's so funny. I tell people all the time that as as as much as I'm a therapist for other people, I did not want to miss out on being a mom. Right. And that was really important to me. I can't save other people's babies and mine, you know, go to the wayside. And so I would make my schedule, even as a therapist, I still do this, even though the babies are gone, I still do this one.
I do it one month at a time and I pull all their school schedules, all their activities. I'm I'm even harassing them. Okay, what's going on on campus? Is there anything that mom needs to show up for?
LATASHA (05:43)
Right.
DR. STACY (05:44)
I plug those things into my planner first because that's first priority in my life, right? Even when introductions I I love when people do introductions, but I want mom to be there because mom is the most important title in my world.
And I show that to my children by also making sure that I show up, right? That I'm present for things that they have going on. So definitely prayer, because you got to listen to be able to stay in this space. I always teach this whole way when you started, I'm like, yes, because there are moments, right? When you're like, what field am I on? What day is it?
Yeah. Which funnel? Who needs it? Right. Who who's supposed to go where it? Yeah. And that prayer and planner though keeps you doing both of those things well.
LATASHA (06:29)
I do. No, facts. No. I love what you're talking about because that's such a huge principle in my home as well. We call it a principle that we got from Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Affective People, where he talks about the importance of putting the big rocks in first. And so for us, the big rocks are the kids. What's going on? So we have these weekly meetings with them where we're like, okay, what's going on? Who's got a game?
Who's got an appointment? You know, who's not who has something last week that is coming over to this week? Even if it's like a issue with a friend or a teacher, like are there some things that we still need to circle back to? I mean, it's like a little boardroom situation like at the table or on the floor, wherever. And you're tired of waiting for me to try.
DR. STACY (07:22)
Then that's like who's doing what? Yeah. Yeah.
LATASHA (07:25)
Yeah,
and we just cause we just need to know. And then even now with my husband's schedule where he plans his work out so far in advance, we also go back to the kids and plan so far out in advance as much as we can, you know? Because we both wanna be there. Because those moments they just they come and they go. And my husband always says, like, if we don't make it special, it'll just come and it'll just go. And we'll we will have missed it. Yeah.
So so yeah, I I love what you're saying. I I totally agree.
DR. STACY (08:00)
Love that planning piece because I always tease people like by Christmas break, I would have January one, I would have the summer schedule. The summer schedules would be already posted because by then you have to register in January for camps for all the summer things. I'd have everybody's weeks figured out when we're doing big games. It would be posted and like we're done already. Yes, this is what we do during winter break. We plant
LATASHA (08:22)
what
we do. Yeah. And I I we used to be so spontaneous and then we just we just locked in. We were like, no, this, that's not gonna work. Like we definitely have to plan ahead.
DR. STACY (08:36)
And it's it's interesting when you say that spontaneous piece because a lot of people feel like that when you have to lock in or you schedule and you plan. But what I find is it makes us more fruitful, right? We're more intentional. We'll be able to then, like you said, not this in, make those moments great and special because we know they're coming. And planning what planning does for our children, it actually reduces anxiety. And so from that mental health perspective, when kids know what to expect, even on a daily basis, when they know what's happening today.
It increases compliance, right? So so this is the data thing that we do with planning that we don't even realize. It's like, wait a minute, they know when there's supposed to be places, they know what's happening, and they're having a sense of again regulation in the home because things go on over them in a system. So planning does a lot of things for our babies.
LATASHA (09:23)
Yes, yes.
DR. STACY (09:25)
Girl.
I'm just saying parents. I'm just
LATASHA (09:30)
Yes, absolutely. And I think it's also about the buy-in too that you get, you know, because I feel like, you know, our kids, they're also searching for some type of agency, you know, in their little lives. And so helping them to navigate the world, in a way where they also feel safe speaking up, saying, Well, mommy, I remember a time we were supposed to go to DC to visit family.
And I was talking to the kids just randomly. I was just like, hey guys, so we're gonna go to DC these dates in in the summer. Both my kids pulled up their own calendars and were like, Mom, that date does not work. And I said, really? And they said, No, I this one has, you know, to volunteer and there's no work around. And the other one was like, I'm starting drums. I can't, I'm not gonna be able to make that. And it's like, really? okay. You know, I totally respect.
That as well, and we figured it out other ways, but it's like we're building our life together, you know, as opposed to you know net them not having any opportunity to speak to the type of experiences that they also find meaningful and impactful for their own lives, you know. So I love that. I love that so much, and I really hope our listeners can glean some small little tactics, which is you know, just
Put the big rocks in first and with what's most important and to your vision for your family and to the the actual individuals in your family. Would you say that that's a great place to start for for the start?
DR. STACY (11:07)
For sure.
Yes.
LATASHA (11:10)
Yeah, okay. So in your book, Dr. Stacy, Love Our Babies Well, which I just love that title. I just love that title. It's a t-shirt. It's I'm all you do. Yes, this is we need to get the t-shirt, okay? Because it's that is just such a beautiful, you know, sort of mantra, if you will. but in your book, Love Our Babies Well, you talk about the eight dimensions of wellness.
And looking back at your messy middle years with your your kids when they especially being fourteen months apart, which of those dimensions was the hardest to maintain and how did you navigate that tension?
DR. STACY (11:52)
that's that's really good question too. Well, definitely the physical wellness when we think about things like sleep, being able to diet. I I remember I went through that phase where everything was organic and the kids still talk about that to this day. We're so like, mom, we remember when you emptied out the pantry, you took everything. because you know we struggle even now. But what one of the things that's really beautiful to see and hear my college kids talk about mom, the food and the dining hall.
LATASHA (12:20)
It's not it's not mom, it's not top tier like mom.
DR. STACY (12:23)
It's not mom's home cooking, right? It's not fresh fruit. Well and it is fresh food. And let me not say that because the dining halls have gotten better. However, they have they have but but hearing them be able to say, Mom, the options or having our fruits and our vegetables and making sure that, hey, mom, you know, one of the things I really stress with my kids about their water on that physical wellness piece of sleep. And I tease people, my teenagers in high school went to bed at nine thirty if they were not on a field because they didn't play sports.
If they were not in a field, bedtime was 9 30 and those cell phones were in my bedroom still. They we bought alarm clocks. Listen, everybody says they need their alarm clock. Like, no, no, they still sell regular alarm clocks because the physical wellness happens to do with that sleep. I did not want irritable teenagers in the morning. Remember, I was morning mom. And I had learned pretty quickly that if I'm gonna have great interactions in the morning, they're gonna be well rested.
They're going to use their alarm clocks, but that eight to 10 hours of sleep, even for our teenagers, is key. So physical wellness, if I would have to say, you know, the children stop being involved in sports by the time they get to high school. So even I was blessed to have two athletes that continue to play their sports throughout high school. But for many families that I work with, their teenagers, once they get to high school, again, sports now have tryouts. It's athletic, it's more competitive, they pull away from it.
more to the technology or or being homebound. So physical wellness and then just the idea of knowing what your kids eat when they're away from you.
LATASHA (13:57)
Love that. You know what something else that you're saying underneath it all is in terms of you, especially when you speak to you're a morning mom or you were a morning mom. I think it's also something that you're speaking to that you may or may not realize is that you're also starting with something that's important to you. Like the type of experience that you wanted to have also as a mother was important.
I don't want irritable kids. I don't want my kids falling asleep in school and then they call me and now my whole day's messed up because you didn't go to bed. So I think it's something really spe right. Cause like fix it, kid.
DR. STACY (14:40)
Here's the thing, to to be fair and honest parents, I always say there are alarm clocks. They don't have to have phones in their rooms. And really hear me on something so simple. Technology in the bedrooms. When we were growing up, it was the TVs, right? Everybody would say the pediatricians would say, keep the televisions out of the bedrooms when we were growing up. It is that message has been going on. I'm fifty years old. That message has been going on for fifty years, but it comes around these look at this.
LATASHA (15:07)
No,
DR. STACY (15:07)
That is listen, thank you all.
LATASHA (15:10)
we're not gonna just go past that. No, we're gonna pop.
DR. STACY (15:14)
It's wellness but and here's why wellness is in the title of my book, right? Love art works well, because I am a firm believer that we have to be well and so I use wellness products and things, yes, oil of a light too. but genetics are yes. Thank you, thank you.
LATASHA (15:34)
Yeah.
You were spoken about T V in the in
DR. STACY (15:40)
No,
that's your plan with you. No, it's so funny. I always tease my daughter because you know, we travel, she's in college in Atlanta. And so whenever we travel together back and forth, something will happen and somebody will say something, you sisters, and I just look at her and giggle and I was like, I love she's like mom. I love it. so yes, technology though, like we had
LATASHA (15:59)
We we've
DR. STACY (16:00)
the information and I say from pediatricians because this is a medical moment too, right? People talk about the technology as a social piece.
But remember, we've always gotten medical advice from the medical association pediatricians saying take the technology, take the devices away before bedtime, out of bedrooms if we want to sleep. And so again, a lot of things, right? Even about this irritability in teenagers, their diet, right? What they're eating. We can't control all of it. But trust me, yes, I was very intentional about what we were eating because that shows that the mood and attitude as well and emotionality and our gut health.
You know, the gut health we always talk about now and mental health and what we put into our gut. Well, that's the same for our children. And so that wellness piece has to be, like you said, not just what I want, but right, creating an atmosphere and environmental wellness is also key because I wanted that morning to be peaceful. I am not a morning person. That tease everybody. As much as I am not a morning person, I was tagged in for the mornings. So again, I had to make them peaceful too. But that wellness peace.
is really huge in what we do in the environment for our kids. And we as moms, we can control that environmental wellness too.
LATASHA (17:15)
Yeah, that's so true. And I think when you control the environmental wellness of both child and mom, you end up not having to fight so hard always for that connection because you have these just intrinsic connection points that are just easy for you and the kids to lean into because there's not all this tension or resistance.
Due to technology or due to someone being just too hungry or too sleepy to really respond to you in a way, you know, that's going to be productive.
DR. STACY (17:49)
Right.
LATASHA (17:50)
Yeah. So I I I know when I think about meals, I don't really have a way out because my kids for the last man, maybe like five, five years now have just eaten like men.
And so yeah, I have two boys, I have a husband too. I sometimes the kids just eat more than both of us, you know. and people think we have restaurants or that we're having always having a party. We're not. We're just trying to feed the two boys. But to your but to your point, I do find that when they're fed and happy and sleep, you know, sleep well for us.
the it we've implemented that as well, almost like in a military style. And I've even told my kids' friends to go to bed, you know, when, you know, when they're on the phone or playing video games. I'm like, everybody is going to bed. Like y'all don't live here. But that's what y'all need to do. Okay. Mom to one, mom to all. Okay. So but I I really identify so much with what you're saying about just
taking care of the physical wellness piece because it is so important for them. And I think when you really lean into that, you really just give them so much opportunity to really thrive in the areas where you're not around, you know, like school, like practice, like you know, their their jobs or whatever it is that they're into. because I know even for my son, my especially my oldest, he will just like shut down and become a totally
different version of himself. And I remember he wasn't being like so helpful with the situation one time. And it was like, that is so unlike him. He is usually so friendly, so helpful. He is just not right now, you know? The baby got like a sandwich or half a sandwich and was chatty, telling me everything about his day. And I realized like, okay. So then we start, you know, started making three o'clock after school.
not just a snack, like a whole meal. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that not that means everything.
DR. STACY (20:03)
Yep. And and it's interesting because even like you're saying that three o'clock time and we think about oftentimes when I'm working with families around even the diet and food with lunchtime, looking at what time do they actually eat breakfast to what time do they actually eat the punch? And sometimes that is a longer span between lunch and dinner. And we are wondering why they're grumpy during homework time because you're you're nailing it. I always tease people the Snickers bar commercials, right? Where they're like handing people food because they're grumpy.
Nature's is is definitely at saying, Hey, listen, that hangry moment happens, right?
LATASHA (20:40)
It's so real. It happens in kids too. Yeah.
DR. STACY (20:43)
And in the afternoon, think about the work environment. If you're in a nine to five, where is everybody between two thirty and three?
In the wake room.
LATASHA (20:54)
Back
at the coffee machine.
DR. STACY (20:58)
We are refueling in some way to even get through the next couple of hours, even as adults. And so when parents and when kids are saying things like, Well, I'm still hungry, that I want us to listen to that. And and and will they're not gonna eat their dinner. Well, here's what you just said. Then I made the snack a really good meal. And then he changed what dinner looks like to maybe even be more like a snack. But our child is well fed, they get through the afternoon and we can be flexible.
When it comes to you know, I tell people sometimes we create the problem because we're stuck. Well, dinner has to be the no, dinner can be dinner can be your lightest meal of the day, which is what they tell us as adults, right? Like dinner is supposed to be our lightest meal of the day. Yeah. Listen to the and lunch is supposed to be the heaviest meal or breakfast, right? Really breakfast, depending on who you listen to. So so even the science supports that as our children age. But that's really great that you tap into that. I always tell people I would have snacks in my bags at all times.
Because if there was a meltdown, usually
LATASHA (21:58)
Yeah.
DR. STACY (21:58)
it's food related.
LATASHA (22:01)
It nine times out of tea for my kids. It has it always has something to do with food. And when I just stopped pushing back like hungry again, like I literally just fed you. Like really, you know, this can't be real.
DR. STACY (22:18)
You're like looking like men right now, right?
LATASHA (22:21)
Yeah. And when I just embraced it like you're saying and didn't make it a thing, maybe joke about it, play with them about it, but still had options, everything changed. And even so much so that they're almost like happy, like they just become the happiest version of themselves when they come home or if I sometimes I would surprise them with someday already in the car and they're like, she loves.
DR. STACY (22:48)
Right.
LATASHA (22:49)
She loves us mom. I mean, that you get more kisses, you know.
DR. STACY (22:54)
Honey, because that afternoon. So even bedtime snacks, right? I have a lot of parents that struggle with the I'm hungry at bedtime.
LATASHA (23:03)
help us.
DR. STACY (23:04)
but but listen to that. Yeah.
LATASHA (23:06)
Mm-hmm.
DR. STACY (23:08)
Hey and and here's and here's the truth behind that as well. And and I talk to folks all the time. Back in the day, our older grandmothers would give you some crackers and send you back to bed. We stopped doing that. We've stopped doing that. Be grandma. Give the baby some crackers and go back to bed.
LATASHA (23:26)
Okay. Okay.
DR. STACY (23:28)
The little cookies. Some warm milk, some crackers, and off to off to bed you go. Okay. Instead of the instead of the conflict that happens, right? Because it sounds like you're not hungry, you already ate, you had dessert, boop, and it goes into this cycle that now you're dysregulated. Your child is dysregulated. I mean we could have resolved this five minutes.
LATASHA (23:50)
You know what I would I think of when like when it's time for bed so I said now I set an alarm for my youngest because he's a little bit untrustworthy, okay, when it comes to bedtime and food. And so around he would we would say it's bedtime, go brush your teeth, all the things, and he'd say, I'm hungry. And then we, you know, it starts this whole conversation, you know, about well, where you been.
You know, like all this time, what you've been doing, you know, because sometimes he's watching basketball games or whatever with us. And then maybe he's putzing around in his room. But we're like, buddy, it how are you always hungry at bedtime? So I started setting a la an alarm. That's like about forty-five minutes before bedtime. And that way we can take care of all the things, all this random stuff that's gonna happen when we call for bedtime. This is like your
call kind of thing. And so it's an opportunity also for me to just say, hey, listen, mommy's gonna close the kitchen, you know, and beyond this moment, you're kind of on your own. Okay. Cause I I gotta clock out.
DR. STACY (24:59)
Right there.
Then
Wait, wait.
LATASHA (25:06)
Okay. So I try to have more than enough available, even with snacks. It's funny that you mention about the organic food and treats that you have for the kids because I literally heard about the Yucca app maybe a year or two ago. And I just took it through my all my cabinets, pantry, everything. And the kids and my husband even were devastated. Like those are our favorite snacks. I was like, they're gonna kill you.
DR. STACY (25:33)
They have destroyed.
LATASHA (25:34)
mess up your thyroid.
Trust me, you don't need it. You don't want this, right? And so I so I couldn't get the buy-in, so I had them scan it. And my son's favorite muffins were like a
DR. STACY (25:47)
Three.
LATASHA (25:48)
and you know baby boy's juice was like a five. And I was like, now can you drink that? Are you really gonna still drink that? They were like, no.
So, you know, getting them involved with finding healthier options and then we just fill the house with all those options, you know, on their level where every level's their level now because they're taller. But when they were small, we would put their little approved snacks on their level. And so when they had them the munchies it middle of the day, before bed, they could, you know, just get them at will. We didn't really police them like that.
DR. STACY (26:26)
Yeah, it's funny. And I love that you said the word approved snacks. So here here's a tip for your listeners. Okay, when parents are struggling with snacks in the home, I always remind them, you bought them.
LATASHA (26:38)
Well,
DR. STACY (26:39)
One of the things
my children get super excited about Halloween. They get excited about Christmas and Easter because they know that mommy will have candy in this house somewhere. Now
LATASHA (26:51)
Yes.
DR. STACY (26:53)
again, I'm not opposed to them eating junk and snacks and all kinds of things, but actually like buying candy. The kids look forward to the Christmas trays. They're like, The trays are out because I have all kinds of chocolate. All kinds of
Without guilt. Right. But that's also the reminder. We bring these things into our home for our consumption. So I love how you said it was a family-wide changeover because to get buy-in, you can't be sitting over here eating your candy and expect them to eat the veggies, right? Like scratching groups. That it has to be an all in lifestyle change, not a diet, an all-in lifestyle change for everybody.
for them to buy in. So I love that you pointed that out 'cause it's really how we have to do it.
LATASHA (27:42)
Thank you. I I I love that for me. And for my other suitters. We have to approve Max
DR. STACY (27:48)
The snap.
LATASHA (27:48)
90s so that we can't we that's just one area we're not fussing and trying to, you know, have this tug of war with our kids about.
DR. STACY (27:56)
Right. Absolutely.
LATASHA (27:59)
Yeah. I mean, and so it was something you had mentioned that yeah. So I just I I think overall one of the things that I think is so important for moms is it all still goes back to vision, you know, and like and what exactly is it that's so important for you when you I love again going back to Stephen Covey, he talks about the end in mind and what exactly is it that we're fighting for when we're fighting for the snacks, when we're trying to figure out schedules.
What's the vision? What is the over
DR. STACY (28:30)
We're raw.
LATASHA (28:31)
idea as it relates to your family? And so when you Dr. Stacy, when you deal with your clients and and mothers who are just sort of at the end of their rope, you know, with different things, how do how do you explain it to them in terms of a good place to start to try to begin to build this family unit and really love their babies well?
in a way that sort of even precedes these years that they're in, where they can have a great relationship with their kids, even in the college years.
DR. STACY (29:04)
Yes. Well, and one of the things I'm I always tease moms, I'm like, okay, so Mary lost Jesus. And if you you really sit in that for a second, right? She lost baby Jesus for three days. The baby was missing. Give yourself grace. Let's start there. Give yourself grace. And the eighth school said to her, You are the favorite one. god.
She was going to lose Jesus.
LATASHA (29:33)
Okay.
DR. STACY (29:35)
She was the favorite one. Now I'm not saying mom said we get a a pass on everything. Right.
LATASHA (29:40)
Right. Don't lose your kids, Mom.
DR. STACY (29:42)
Well we are not meant to be. I always say parenting is not about perfection. It is about significance.
LATASHA (29:50)
Mm, I love that. Yeah.
DR. STACY (29:52)
role to play. God chose you. You were built and designed with all the things that you are built with for your babies. I always say, you know, I'm the favored one of Paige and Paxton. Those are my kiddos. I am the favored one for them. And when when God made me, he already knew that they were coming along later on. And he said, hey, you're going to be quirky, you're going to be fun, you're going to be that non-mourning but morning mom that they need. When K goes
Mine show when Paige is a teenager and you're like, board, the girls in the morning. right. Cool. But
LATASHA (30:28)
Yes, we will know the movement here.
DR. STACY (30:30)
Yes, was it the Wu San? Like and and I always tell people, just 'cause they go high, you go low, right? Literally. We've heard that before. It applies to our babies. When they go high, you go low. Right here. Right. Yeah. And in in in also realizing, yes, you're gonna make mistakes, right? My kids will tell you the mistakes I've made. That's the beauty beauty of young adults, right? We have those conversations now. but
Also have the memories. If you think about this week in parenting, you are creating memories just from this week. What will your children remember? Will they remember mom in the morning screaming, yelling, rushing everybody out the door, fussing because we missed that we missed you or five minutes late for practice? Like what will they remember? Will they remember grace and forgiveness and compassion?
Well, they remember that mom brought that favorite snack in the car, right? Because she knew they were going to be hungry. And this is what we need it right now. So even the idea of saying, no, we're not going to have every perfect moment. But if I can have more memories that my kids can look back and be like, man, mom was there. Mom showed up. Mom loved us. That's one thing I say to my kids all the time, you know I love you. They're like, we know. But generations.
Listen, generationally my dad would say to me, I'm proud of you and I love you. And even though he's passed, that was his last conversation, getting off the phone. That's the last memory I have. I love you and I'm proud of you. Wow. That's what I want my kids to remember. And so, moms, we're not gonna be perfect, but we can be significant, and that really is our job. I love
LATASHA (32:10)
Yeah.
And I think that that is such a powerful message, Dr. Stacey, because for the most part, moms rarely feel like they're doing enough. You know, even the high functioning ones, or you know, the moms who are sort of at the cornerstone of this show, which you see and you're like, How do you feel it? She looks so she seems so graceful, she's never busting, like you know, you're like, 'cause she
That's not all day.
The two pieces. but I think it's such a powerful message because it gives room for her to be human. And I think it also gives her opportunity to be thoughtful about how she also is someone's daughter. Like she also is the daughter of a king. And it's important for her to, you know, have space to know that there's there's there's a place for you at the feet of Jesus.
Where he's waiting for you. He wants you
DR. STACY (33:16)
You
LATASHA (33:16)
to call out to him, to ask him perhaps for wisdom as it relates to your children, you know, because no one can parent children the way you can. Because like he said, like all your life experiences, your story, it's all in there. It's in their DNA, you know, and no one can do it like mom. So this idea that you're not enough, it gets permeated.
you know, through so many different mediums. but I I love what you're saying in that, you know, it's okay. Give yourself grace that there are memories that you made this week that are special and that your kids are gonna hold on to. Just keep making those memories. Do that more than the the conversation about the shoes that you tripped over again.
DR. STACY (34:03)
Done.
LATASHA (34:05)
Okay. I mean yes, mom, you did trip and almost lose But it's okay. It's okay.
DR. STACY (34:11)
And here's the thing. Take your phone, right? We're gonna talk about technology in a great way. Take your phone, because most of us have photos. Look at your memories. Look at those good moments of being a mom. Right. Yeah. If if you need a pick me up, just pull out your photos. Yeah. And I love when you have the apps like Facebook and then that will pop them up for you. And I'm like, and then I'll stop in the middle. I thought I had to go through that. I'm like, okay, they're do they know what they're doing. Yep, they're hooking me in.
This mommy moment. You in. Be because again, and and not that we we don't take pictures usually of the hard moments, right? Let's I mean now again as a therapist I have video of hard moments. Families love to show me that, right? But I always and I'm always like, I I take your word for it. I really don't need to see
LATASHA (34:56)
Yeah,
right. Right.
DR. STACY (34:58)
But but that's also again feeding our souls to say, you are enough, you've been gifted with what you have. And remember, God says all things work for good, right? So even those hard moments are part of our children's journey and story, part of our journeys. Listen, some of the hardest moments with my kids, I tell this people all the time, my son going to his school and advocating for him in school was the first time I ever received a request to a professional development in a school.
The principal came to me the next day and she says, first of all, I've never had a parent advocate the way that you did, put in strategies with the teacher, give us concrete examples of how to help him. And could you please come and do a PD for our our teacher's staff? Are you serious?
LATASHA (35:43)
That's the wild I
DR. STACY (35:45)
Yeah.
All because I was going in because he was crying and having meltdowns in school, right? Yeah. Yeah. But it was again, and there was anxiety. And I always share this when I talk about my son. You know, there was a love about anxiety with him in school and school strategies. And being a therapist, you know, again, I'm also the mom hat though, but I'm also the therapist. And so when I walk into eating and I'm like, yeah, okay, we're not gonna put, you know, predetermined interventions on a board. We're gonna talk about who my son is and we're gonna create strategies.
LATASHA (36:14)
And
DR. STACY (36:14)
Tim.
But but even in those hard moments, right? God can use those moments for your own story, your own journey, your own healing, even as a parent. So we're we all have those moments, even therapists.
LATASHA (36:25)
We all have those moments. And one of the ways I think helps to sort of also manage the moments and even the capacity, you know, that perhaps a mom could be struggling with in terms of having enough capacity to be patient, to listen to the nonsensical stories and things like that, I think is her own self care, her journey of self-care. Can you talk to us a little bit about the importance of making self-care
a real thing, not just a a thing on our to-do list and how important it is for us to re be and remain a priority on our own list.
DR. STACY (37:04)
Absolutely. I'm going back to the title of the book. The Love Our Babies Well comes from three things, faith, love, and wellness. And I believe our self-fair has to be one intentional with our prayer life and our spiritual journey. I tell folks all the time, I I I have to mix those things because it is the core and foundation of who I am and how I am well. Right. It I always say, when Jesus healed anyone in scripture, he always asks them, Do you want to be made well? And that's really
When we look at how many times that line, every time he was doing a miracle, wellness was a part of that. And so even when we heal physical wellness, or he was healing the physical, but even the spiritual at the same time. So things that I do and I tell people it is my morning coffee. It's my morning prayer. It's my morning coffee. It definitely is my my five or six planners when we talk about self-sharing well.
LATASHA (37:55)
Right. I finished off.
DR. STACY (37:56)
I have one
of those too, Liz. But and and and it even the idea of supplements, I I use a brand called Frequence and I love it because even again that internal gut health and being able to really look at our intentional wellness part and our internal systems. I'm really big on that. and I'm also I again I do the massage once a month. I tease people, I do the regular self care stuff too. I I do a massage once a month, I get the hair done, all the things.
But I also self-care for me as a mom is looking at those photos. Self-care for me as a mom is stopping the negative script when I have a hard moment and talking the truth to myself as a mom, right? That's self-care too, because our thought life is something that we also have to be intentional about when we're talking about self-care. A lot of times we do the physical stuff, but even the mental stuff.
And the self-care piece of that. And then social support and connection. I take about how every six to eight weeks I'm planning something with somebody that means something to me. Yes. Right. Because that support and connection is huge. Umistry
LATASHA (39:01)
And
DR. STACY (39:02)
and giving back. I serve, I love to serve. I always tell people everybody wants to be the first lady. Nobody wants to be the Sunday school teacher. Go to any church right now. And we are missing Sunday school teachers. So that's my plug. Go to church and volunteer.
We need people to love the babies. Listen, I get it. Y'all want to be on platforms and brands for other things. I need y'all to love the babies in Sunday school because we all used to want to volunteer in Sunday school, right? Yeah. We're missing we're missing that in our communities. We're missing mobs that want to show up and love their babies and love others. And so service is also a way of self-care that keeps us connected. I tease people, it's keeping me from wanting grandbabies right now. There's no teacher.
Yes, being a Sunday school teacher, I go play in the nursery. I see the littles. I can I can give my children time before wanting to be grandmom. I'm good. Yeah.
LATASHA (39:55)
Yeah, I mean it's it's it's it's a lot. And I think I think there but I think all of us could stand to pray about what our place could be for the younger generation. And regardless of, you know, I've heard other moms say, I'd love to help, you know, but they don't listen or you know, they'll come for me or you know
DR. STACY (40:22)
That
is true. I I will say children have changed. They're different. Sunday school has to be different.
LATASHA (40:26)
It's very different. It's very different. And I think but there is still a mandate for older women to go back and to share and to impart wisdom. Yeah. And it's important because if they don't have anyone to guide them, then they don't have anybody to guide them. And so and it may
DR. STACY (40:45)
not
be the littles, right? You're right. It may not be the littles. Maybe your gifting is teenagers. Maybe your gifting is college age young people who just need a mentor. But you're sparing to say, you know, scripture mandates us the older women to give back and to serve and to help teach. And that can look at different capacities. My gifting is definitely the littles, right? I always tease people, even in therapy, my gifting is you know the younger ones, I have people of all ages, but I my youngest client is two years old.
You know, that is my gifting when it comes to being able to serve even younger children in mental health, but find a place exactly and in a way that you can.
LATASHA (41:23)
Yeah, and I think, you know, it's it's not always gonna be easy. but it's so rewarding. And you know, I've I've spent so much time investing in younger women and I really have a heart for them because I get it. I I s can see myself in their story some way or another. And I think if you can be prayerfully and thoughtfully speak to that and speak to who she is and not from a perspective of
Just trying to put her down or make her feel bad about where she is, but giving her perspective about who she really is, I think, you know, you call her forward in a way that can be super powerful. And I was, I remember one of my mentors, when I first came out of college and I was learning how to navigate the teen space with a little bit more sophistication.
And he was saying, he said to me, and it stayed with me like my entire life, even as a mother. And he said, you have to earn the right to to speak. You don't just get to walk up to a teenager and just start talking
DR. STACY (42:31)
And then
LATASHA (42:32)
and telling them what you think, what they're doing wrong. You have to earn that. And going slow, which is what Stephen Covey talks about all the time, which is that you can't be efficient with people, but you can be effective.
And so I just think we just have so much. You know, if you've gotten to a point where you have lived and you have children, you've raised your you're raising your children, you have more to offer than you probably realize. And I think as women we should be more thoughtful and prayerful about how we can pour into the next generation.
DR. STACY (43:05)
And the teenagers will tell you that respect piece because they they say it's respect, right? Even how we are.
LATASHA (43:10)
Right.
DR. STACY (43:11)
And and and I would challenge moms to be very mindful of your communication and how much of your community you said effective versus giving just directions all the time. How much of our communication is just a check in? How you doing? Yeah.
LATASHA (43:26)
What a pause.
DR. STACY (43:28)
Right exactly. Like that's what just sit there. Just wait for it. Because we always giving the to-do list, the directions, the instructions. We're even doing the checklist. Did you get your homework done? Did you the laundry done? But how much of our com communication, our daily communication, is just that emotional check-in, that respectful communication? Cause our when I talk to my teenagers, listen, though and my younger ones, but my teenagers will tell you, if you would just listen to how my mom talks to me.
This is why I give attitude. And I say, listen, guys, I and and and the days of because I'm your parent, that's gone. That is gone. And I say to fam families all the time, and if we get to that point where our communication has to sound like that, then we have to make changes. Because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, remember, this is our gift and our blessing from God, right? Yeah. And so to treat our gifts and our blessing any less than what God would ask of.
Love is patient, love is kind, right? All the fruit of the spirit. I say we are to give those to our babies, not just everybody else. Is I s is love kind in the morning when we're running late? Well, let's work on it. Listen,
LATASHA (44:40)
Let's ruin it for sure.
DR. STACY (44:43)
our tone, we know. We know. The kids know our tone. Right? No. Nobody can.
LATASHA (44:47)
And then look.
DR. STACY (44:49)
that's it still happens. What's the love thing?
No give it. And and and and for me, I'd rather us give the look than give the verbal. To be very honest, I tell people all the time, sometimes silence is our strength.
LATASHA (45:04)
Yes. And you know what else is the what okay. I so many is just going through my head because when you talk about when you talk about the silence and the look, what makes that effective is that is the other times when you said if you do X, Y, and Z, then this will be the consequence and you actually follow through on that consequence, right? Okay.
And you didn't just blow it over and just, you know, for for the sake of peace, let it go. And you really held the line. Then the next time when I don't have anything to say, it's just eye to eye, you understand that I mean what I say. You know, there has to be a level of accountability and a level a willingness to let your children s suffer the natural consequence that comes from disobedience.
from being nasty, you know, from being disrespectful, you know, it's it's you it it's a it's a gradual thing. And this the earlier you do it, the better. But my question to you is now for the mom who has sort of been finding herself in this turbulent space where she yells more than she doesn't or she feels completely stretched with no real understanding about where to go from here.
What would you tell her is her best next steps to rebuild her connection with her kids?
DR. STACY (46:37)
Connection is through relationship. And so what I would say to start with is being significant in your relationship with your children. And so what does that mean? Right. Again, quality versus quantity of time, right? Your quality. Quality and and for the mom. And so we're gonna take a moment. We're gonna step back and we're not we're gonna stop beating ourselves up. And I always I when I work with parents, I'm always like, we're starting from today, we're not going backwards.
We're starting from size and we're going forward. Because I want to give you hope, right? And and the idea that there is hope that things will be better. What if your child does improve? What if the relationship is better? We always think about the what if negative, right? Or what if he what if he doesn't, you know, make the team or what if so negative.
LATASHA (47:25)
We always got
DR. STACY (47:26)
But what if it all works out when it comes to your child?
What if we do have a great relationship? I always tease the moms of daughters. They come back around 24-25, right? I'm almost there. My daughter's almost there. And it's funny because even that relationship piece, something as simple as the connection of quality, right? So FaceTiming is important to me so I can see their face because I can read them instantly, right? I know what's going on. Rebuilding your relationship starts with owning what you might need to change as a mom.
Right. Because that's that's also it's not all of our kids' fault. I always tell parents, there's a lot of preventive things that we can do. Definitely grab my book, love our babies well. Again, all of those parenting strip tips and strategies are 25 years and working with families, but also in using them every day myself. Prevention, thinking about how do I get ahead of those moments that are difficult with my child is also if I were to say to you,
If you think from the top of the morning to the end of the day, what are the moments that become difficult between me and my child? You probably could tell me all of them, which means it's predictable. It's predictable. Which is predictable. Exactly. Which means there are solutions. There are moments that we can now sit down and have a conversation that we call problem solving, right? We figured out, hey, I noticed you have difficulty when it comes time to get up in the morning.
Let's talk about how we can make that morning go better for you and for me, right? Yeah. Instead of what we tend to do, we just get upset in the moment and you can't fix something in a crisis. Everyone is dysregulated. Everyone is emotional. That is not the time to try to fix it. I always tell parents, get through your moment, do the best that you can, then come back to having a problem-solving conversation. It is about recognizing the first step is recognizing that.
Every interaction is an opportunity for me to be significant.
LATASHA (49:25)
I love that. That is so simple. That is so simplistic. I think if we can all do that, that's something that you could actually apply right now. Where you like you say you today. And we sh and we should. I think because the the goal is to be significant. And I I remember when my KIDS were young and they would tell me these nonsensical stories like that would go on forever.
And I just sit there and smile and nod and ask nonsensical questions, you know, but I didn't do it for any other reason other than I really wanted to build a bond so that when they were 15, they'd tell me the things that were really significant because they were accustomed to me listening and smiling and and really showing up for the conversation, you know. and so the idea that they're just kids.
Or that they're teens and so as a result they don't want anything to do with you. It's all myth, you know? And I feel like your sist it is. It's all it's a myth. And I feel like it also comes from entertainment where we see dad sitting in the couch r scratching and drinking beer, and then we see the kids running away and slamming their doors, and you just think, that's that's just teen behavior. But
That's not necessarily how it has to be. No one's has ever slammed a door in my home.
DR. STACY (50:58)
Yeah. And here and here's the thing. I and I can tell you my three when my three year old son slammed my door, that was the moment he addressed it, so that it never happens.
LATASHA (51:06)
Absolutely. Well my so my send I'm sorry, go ahead. Come on.
DR. STACY (51:10)
say
the myth and you're spot on though, the teenage myth is actually a myth. Research supports that about eighty percent of our kids get through the teenage years well. And the ones that don't, when we put in preventative parenting, even something like just eating a meal with them, we see better outcomes for our children. So you're spot on. It's a myth.
LATASHA (51:29)
I love that because even the the the action items that you're giving in terms of how to make the connection better, these are not outlandish ideas. These are things that we do every day, but when we attach attention to it, they all of a sudden become these moments and memories that build even more connection that you're looking for and that bond you're looking for with your kid.
DR. STACY (51:55)
Kids.
LATASHA (51:56)
And
I just love that because again it goes back to feeling like enough and I don't know what I'm doing and there are no books and there's no instructions for kids. And it's like, okay, but there there are books. There are books and they give you the kid and they say, you know, God bless you.
DR. STACY (52:15)
And
then for and here's the thing, there is research. There is research. One of the things I was really intentional with my love our baby swell is pulling the research for black and brown families. Because a lot of times when we do have parenting resources, we'll say, well, they're for those families. They're not for our kids. And I'm like, no, no. There's research on black and brown children and what works well. And you have schools that are doing things like meditation and yoga, which we used to be like, well, why are we doing that?
Meditation's in scripture. Let's go back how far meditation is. Yes. Meditation is not a new thing, but you see school systems that are seeing grades go up because children are taking time 20, 30 minutes in the morning to do physical exercise, yoga, and breathing exercise. This is happening in black and brown communities. And so I think it's also important that we don't dismiss the research and evidence that's out there, that we embrace it and find what works for our family.
LATASHA (53:13)
Yeah, and I know that you you speak a lot about culturally responsive parenting. and how does how does our own background or the way we're raised impact our ability to show up with grace by our children? I know, especially when my kids were infants and well, let's say my my oldest, you know, when he was young and there were books that I was reading and I remember reading a book
I d I don't know what it was called, but it just talked about not sleeping with the baby. And I was like, but I I love sleeping with my baby. And I remember my husband saying, culturally that might not fit for us, you know? And I was like,
DR. STACY (53:51)
It's like
LATASHA (53:52)
that's an interesting perspective. I had never thought that perhaps it doesn't necessarily fit for every single family. Like I don't have to follow the rules of the book per se to the letter.
But you just want to be mindful of, you know, maybe some risk or things like that. I'm not I don't want to get in a space where I'm discouraging mothers from following the rules. I'm just speaking to what worked for us, you know? and some things that I felt as a mom that I just didn't want to do. I just wanted to spend as much time snuggling with my baby as much as I could. And I still snuggle with my babies as much as I I can.
even though they're bigger and have more muscles. So can you speak to that and how the best and even healthiest way for mom and their littles and their babies to think about, you know, connection and affection and things of that nature?
DR. STACY (54:51)
And you you really gave a great example of cultural, right? And where does the culture freak you in your family? And one thing I always say to people, obviously we want to think about safety of the baby, right?
I'll give you an example, baby talk. Yeah, right. my my children's father, he's from a Caribbean background, doesn't believe in, you know, baby talk. And I had to pull out the research. I'm like, listen, baby talk actually helps because the tone of your voice going up and down helps with brain and and then their synapses and how they're taking in information through all their senses. And so you know, by baby number two, we were baby talking, everybody on both sides of the things, right? Like
And so even the idea of saying d you know, it's a shame that we someone would say to people, No, no, there's research to support this. But there is. Even I always tell people, Do you ever notice how loud baby toys are? They make noises. They're colorful. I take the batteries away.
LATASHA (55:43)
Yeah.
DR. STACY (55:46)
Yeah. That has everything to do with brain development and learning. And so in my book, when I talk about cognitive wellness and early development, that is a big part of even daycare centers and child care centers where we have a variety of toys that make noises, that are loud, that are colorful, And so, right, there's a lot that we know that has to
definitely be safe for our children. But I also encourage parents to tap into the book. Just like I said, grandmom used to give us crackers. Yeah. That's cultural. That is cultural.
That's it. So even tapping into things, right, that again are just good. And I always say it's not about rules. It's just good parenting.
LATASHA (56:31)
Yeah, I think that's so wholesome and it's so it's so empowering because it really does give mom the agency to really sort of move from her own heart in terms of how she cares and nurtures her children. And especially when I've I I mean, I I was a wreck when I had when the babies were babies
DR. STACY (56:54)
Maybe?
LATASHA (56:54)
like infants.
Because there is so much information and you just wanna keep alive and you can't scope this net jungle through the
DR. STACY (57:05)
Trying to make it so now
LATASHA (57:06)
Yeah, because cluster feeding and the
cooling and the con and the random diaper changes. And I mean for one of my babies, I was just always cutting him out of his onesie because he was a whole hot mess, you know, when it was time to change him. I was I it was a lot. and but what I love is that y there's still so there's still still so much power.
That mom has to nurture through those moments. And I think what you're giving us is the permission to choose, you know, what are the things that are gonna really be most meaningful for our family, even as we keep them safe and even as we consider all the things that science and research suggest for us. But how do we like play in that space so that our kids still get us.
in and it's in our entirety, you know, and without it being so much resistance with science versus mom's nurture, if that makes sense. Yes. Yeah.
DR. STACY (58:07)
Yes, absolutely. Yeah.
LATASHA (58:10)
So you have you have just really you have really set us free today. Okay. You've given us so much good stuff. And I because I think that it's rare that moms revert back to the science.
You know, we it's very anecdotal, you know, all of the things that we're trying to figure out how to do to raise healthy, happy children. And I think at the core of every mother, even the busiest one, the one that yells at the top of her lungs, I think we all still want the same things. And it's it it's powerful to have sort of like a roadmap and to be able to glean this type of information to say,
No girl, like you can have a whole situation with your kids where you where
DR. STACY (58:56)
Where the baby
LATASHA (58:57)
you talk to it. Just raise your tone a little bit because they love it, you know? Or, you know, it's okay, girl. Like grandma gave them crackers. He's gonna be all right, girl. You know, it's like we all need to hear something beyond the anecdote that in a way that we can really apply. And I feel like you've just given us so many good tactics.
I'm so excited to re read the whole book and get all 1000 because even though my kids are altered, I'm like, I'm sure there's still something I can apply here.
DR. STACY (59:34)
Stir the lifespan. Absolutely. That's one thing I tease people, although the title says Love Our Babies, I actually go all the way to Our Children Have Families of Their Own and give tips and strategies what we can do in that empty nest and when they're developing and having families of their own. Because even one of the biggest challenges is financial wellness for our children. Right. And how that yeah,
LATASHA (59:52)
How do we set
DR. STACY (59:54)
how do we set them up to be able to take care of their own families even by even by the games we play when they're children, right? I played life.
Right? Monopoly. Yes, right. Listen, we bought property, we paid bills, we decided if we're going to a career or college. All three games. But it prepares them, right? When
LATASHA (1:00:13)
But
DR. STACY (1:00:14)
we get to those stages in life, preparing our children and then preparing us as parents to set those boundaries, especially around financial.
Whether it's college costs, whether it's of their first homes, whether it's weddings we're paying for. So there's lots of tips and strategies in there that take us all the way through those first early years of their lives as well.
LATASHA (1:00:34)
Love that. I'm so glad that you brought that up because I think that when it comes to financial wellness, I don't know that that conversation is as widespread as all the other topics that we talk about when it re in regards to parenting. And I s I think it's actually one of the most important things to really talk about because they are going to leave the nest. And I think about this generation where we have so much education, we are
You know, we make good money. I mean, so many of us are doing well, right? And the idea that our kids would have to start all over. And that is just that is just I just don't want that. And so I just I don't
DR. STACY (1:01:18)
to what you just did too. Right. And and and but that changes their financial literacy, right? So even the I yeah, and and we can do it in a great way. Like a hundred percent. I always tell people, listen, my children had every one year for Christmas, everyone got a C D and it was it was a it was a a whole budget planning workbook thing. Everybody got it right because they got a copy of the book Your Money or Your Life, which I love Vicky. man, I can't think of the last name, but it's your money or life and really great book.
about financial compass, but I did that for all the college age kids, everybody, all the cousins, everybody got one. Because one of the things that we are doing, we're the we're that generation. I'm first generation, college, right? So I'm the generation that's like, yeah, we made it out. And now we wanna make sure they're good. But then I said, I gotta make sure they have the same skills though that I had because I worked at McDonald's at 12. Like, like they need money management. They need to understand beyond.
You know, again, me cash apping the money, but understanding right that financial literacy piece. Because we the the again, research is saying we're doing great that first generation, but then our kids are not doing so great because we are doing everything.
LATASHA (1:02:29)
You're so right, Dr. Stacy. And I remember back in 2020, my kids, you know, had to come home, you know, because of COVID. And they, you know, they were in school, online and then they but they didn't have a whole lot to do after that time. And they were just going ham with the U two. And I just I j I I it was killing me. I I I was just like, I can't, I just can't. And so
I made it a mandate for them to start their own YouTube channels where every hour that they watched someone else live their life on television, they were also required to put an hour in for their own channel. And I didn't I didn't need them to go viral. It was nothing like that. I just wanted them to understand, to begin to understand that as young men, they had to understand their value and they had to understand how to contribute that value to the marketplace.
And from there, they learned even better public speaking skills because who knew it takes something to constantly say, hey, it's your boy Elijah, right? It takes something, right? Become
DR. STACY (1:03:36)
You know,
LATASHA (1:03:39)
better speakers. Now they have they both have their own ventures. And my son, you know, when he pivoted from at being an athlete.
He pivoted right into using that network to become a sports photographer. And so now he's doing that amongst some other things that where he really doesn't even reach out to us that much for our resources because he's found a way to do it on his own. And there's still so much for him to learn, especially because he wants to be a husband and a father. And we're like, baby, you gotta provide. You gotta know how to provide.
DR. STACY (1:04:17)
Yeah.
LATASHA (1:04:17)
No,
you can't just be on here.
DR. STACY (1:04:20)
But
LATASHA (1:04:23)
You
gotta you you know, pick your pad. My h husband says commit to a path, you know, and follow that through. But I think that again, when you go back to what is the vision for the children, you know, when they leave the home, I really don't want them having to do it the way I did it. But I also know to your point that it is so important for them to have a level of character and integrity. and even
an understanding of the family mission, right? Like who the as a Kennedy, this is how we move in our community. This is how we move amongst friends. This is how we move in business. So that should you run my business or your father's, you or you take our money, you under
DR. STACY (1:05:07)
No
LATASHA (1:05:10)
Yeah, it's more than just the cash. It there's there's there's power and there's intention and there's vision attached to it.
And so you're saying that even in your book Love Love Our Babies Well, you also explore the financial wellness for families and children.
DR. STACY (1:05:27)
And teaching them to fish like you did with YouTube.
LATASHA (1:05:30)
Yeah. 'Cause they'll figure it out. And you know something else I found early in my journey, as a as a business owner, and I would get on other calls with other business owners and it would be a guy, you know, maybe leading a session and he was like 26 and and he had maybe built something extraordinary, right? And when he would tell his origin story, he had started when he was 15.
DR. STACY (1:05:55)
See.
LATASHA (1:05:55)
And his mom would just give or his dad would just give him a hundred dollars to blow. You know, just go go outside and do a lemonade stand or, you know, go wash cars. And they didn't look for the money back. It wasn't anything like that. But by the time but what that he didn't realize that he was doing over the last ten years was understanding marketing, client acquisition, you know, how to, you know, negotiate all the things. So by the time he's twenty six and he's building this
conglomerate, right? It's not so much that it's hard to believe because he's been practicing since he was a kid and he since he was young. And it was easy to get the yes, right? Or even difficult to get the yes because he was so young and people didn't believe in him. So I just I just took those as lessons that I wanted to apply with my kids to just get out there and practice. You know, figure out how to get what you want from the world.
And we read that in Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. Yeah.
DR. STACY (1:06:58)
Yes, I love them.
LATASHA (1:07:01)
my guys, that book. It is so good. It's so
DR. STACY (1:07:02)
Breathe mold.
LATASHA (1:07:04)
good. And we read it before we had kids. And he talked about the the big difference between kids who their parents spoke for them versus allowing their kids to speak for themselves with authority to doctors and people in the community.
And I will say there is some yeah,
DR. STACY (1:07:23)
Yeah.
LATASHA (1:07:23)
it's not as easy as it sounds to raise an independent thinker and someone who understands how to navigate and get what they want from the world
DR. STACY (1:07:34)
But it
LATASHA (1:07:35)
is worth it. And if you can stay just as crafty and a few steps ahead.
DR. STACY (1:07:40)
They roll up. You have this data you remove if you sign on to this stick.
LATASHA (1:07:46)
Must remain purple.
But it certainly does. It worked. It worked. Yeah. So I have another question for you. And because I know your work is rooted in faith. but you don't ignore the mental health science, of course. And so as women of faith, how what's your advice for to stop seeing therapy or mental health awareness as a lack of a trust in God?
And instead see it as a tool for the wellness that you advocate for.
DR. STACY (1:08:21)
So many people struggle with faith and mental health. I went to Liberty back in the day when Jerry Fowle was there. I'm a Liberty grad. Okay. And and to be honest, even our professors at the time, they were psychology professors, but they were still merging this idea of mental health and faith. And so I've been literally in the last 30 or 40 years, we've seen things like the Christian counselors associations. We've seen this professional societies and organizations, even in Christian spaces related to counseling.
So it's still new. And so I do remind people of that. This is still a new merger, right? But go to scripture. David talks about sadness.
LATASHA (1:09:00)
His dad
DR. STACY (1:09:01)
Right. We think about the Psalms. We think about fear and anxiety. Even the going back to Mary and the angel, Gabriel says to her, Do not be afraid. Yeah.
You think about anxiety because even when good things are happening, there's that anxiety that happens for us, right?
LATASHA (1:09:18)
Even not.
DR. STACY (1:09:19)
And so throughout. But I tell people that I said it earlier, meditating on scripture. Teaches
LATASHA (1:09:25)
That is something that scripture.
DR. STACY (1:09:26)
us itself. What is that? Cognitive behavioral therapy, focusing on the good, changing our thoughts. Right. And we think about the scripture says think on things that are pure and lovely and good and and
Scripture has been backing what we're doing in a mental health space. Physical exercise, scripture tells us to take care of our temple, right? Yeah. So even the idea of financial wellness, if you read a Proverbs every day, right? That wisdom that you'll get in every area of wellness. And so I tell people that the same God that has created, for example, heart surgery, because there's a medical deficit in someone's heart.
Is the same God that allows psychotrophic meds to be created And a lot of our mental health, if we start to really look at it from also a medical perspective, not every mental health condition requires medicine, but they may require diet change, physical exercise. This is why I went through the different areas of wellness in my book, because even working with families, when I start going through the areas of wellness, how's your child doing with sleeping? Let's look at eating.
Let's look at what information they're taking into their their brain every day and how are they taking that information in, right? Yeah. What does environmental wellness look like? What's in their environment? Do you have books even in their room? Because here's the thing. If they're not reading, how many books are in your home? Do they see you reading? So a lot of the things from again, even like depression, we can we can really do a lot of work with depression. We look at the thought life. We have kids doing journals. We have kids exercising, changing their diet, looking at their sleep.
Mood starts to change. When I said to you, I was very adamant that my kids were not going to be irritable because I was feeding them and they were getting sleep. A lot of the changes happen because hormones are changing. That's a physical response, even in the teenage years. So when we think about these different areas of wellness, we immediately go to, something's wrong. Well, there could be a mental health physical reason for what we're seeing from a mental health perspective, which is why we start with behavioral and physical interventions.
Then we go to the cognitive behavioral, right? So our mental health and changing our thoughts, training the brain, even from that perspective, from the thought perspective. But that's all in scripture. And so I do encourage that if you understand the word of God, you'll see those strategies are embedded throughout scripture.
LATASHA (1:11:47)
It I love it so much. Dr. Stacey, you are like You're like the sister we all need, girl. Like you are just
DR. STACY (1:11:56)
We thank you. I tried to be helped it. That's the c
LATASHA (1:11:59)
Well,
you're beyond helpful, beyond helpful. I th I I I think a better word for you is empowering because you have such a wonderful way of explaining these points of view to us, the science of it all, in a way that is so digestible and so applicable, you know, it's not over anyone's head, it's not hard to understand. So I'm I'm just so appreciative of of you and your just
All the ways in which you have just committed to this path to and have so much value to bring to us. and so for the mom who this is really resonating for and she knows for sure, okay, I think I want to take a step. I think I want to, you know, go a little bit deeper to whether it's to explore n some maybe a deficiency she feels she has or maybe her child, what would you say is her best next step? What should she do first?
DR. STACY (1:12:55)
So one, get in a community like you created here, right? I I I believe that if the more information that we can get and the support system, right, creating that support system even of moms and community is so important. we shouldn't be doing this alone. And and that's one thing again, even as a children's pastor, I get to see moms and touch base with them and talk with them and and the different stages. And it's not a judgment space, it's that, girl, I've been there. No, it is how can I help you? Right. Let me
In there, let me let me tell you, this is what worked. Try it, let me know how it went last week. So that sense of community, I think, is wonderful. Getting resources, obviously, I'm gonna plug my book, love our babies well, but also powerful, powerful, powerful, peaceful parenting was my first book. I love both of them, but powerful, peaceful parenting also looks at those hard moments like bedtime, homework. I was very specific with those 10 chapters.
about the moments that most of us struggle with and giving tips and strategies. And I say tips and strategies because nobody has time to read. Listen, we are digest we are digesting as quickly as we can. So you can take a chapter, read it while you're in between some or read it some car.
LATASHA (1:14:02)
Yeah.
DR. STACY (1:14:03)
I'd be able to learn write that's why you do a workbook format so that you can write out your thoughts and kind of get
LATASHA (1:14:09)
I know that.
DR. STACY (1:14:10)
but then also if you really feel like there's things that you need to heal.
there's definitely therapy. I'm a therapist and I'm in therapy. I always tell people it's always good to have a therapist, even as a therapist. there is also benefit and really exploring those relationships and being able to heal them. And then again, having those tangible strategies. I work with parents through parent coaching and helping with specifics. I tell people that's a little bit different than therapy because really you're coming in for these are my, these are my goals when it comes to being a parent.
And how do we get there? And flattening that structure up and helping people to get to those moments, which is very different than therapy.
LATASHA (1:14:48)
Wow. Okay. So you have given, you've given so much. And I I just really appreciate you so much. I think that the information that you shared, I'm I'm so hopeful that a mom who's listening today feels helped and feels hopeful. So thank you so much for being with us today. I really appreciate it. before we end though, there is a pulse check that I like to do. That's the name of this.
Really cool segment. and it's rapid fire. So I'm gonna ask you five questions. You cannot think about them. You just tell me first thing that comes to your mind, okay?
DR. STACY (1:15:25)
Okay.
LATASHA (1:15:26)
Okay, you ready? Okay, so it's four o'clock, and yeah, well, wait a minute. We're cheating because you don't have any kids at home.
DR. STACY (1:15:36)
I can go back to those times if I need to answer. Okay.
LATASHA (1:15:39)
Okay. Okay. Okay. That's fair. That's fair.
So that's so when the kids were home, or even when they're home now, it's four o'clock, everyone's home, and you've hit a wall. What's your go to fuel?
DR. STACY (1:15:53)
again.
LATASHA (1:15:55)
Okay. one household chore you would happily delete from existence.
DR. STACY (1:16:01)
Dishes.
Woo. be okay. Beyond
LATASHA (1:16:13)
In
your journey as a therapist, I am a woman who loves
DR. STACY (1:16:22)
Ooh, okay, I can't think about it. I'm a woman who loves reading.
LATASHA (1:16:28)
Okay, I love that. All right. Two hours of pure unscript unscripted freedom. Where are you going?
DR. STACY (1:16:36)
beach. I would think about that. To the beach? Mm-hmm.
LATASHA (1:16:40)
Good girl, good girl. What single word do you hope your children use to describe you as a mom?
DR. STACY (1:16:50)
Significant.
LATASHA (1:16:53)
Of course, of course. That's like your core word. I love that.
DR. STACY (1:16:58)
And I haven't helped this does be significant because that's where I feel about it. Like
LATASHA (1:17:01)
I love it. You have a hat. So you have a hat that says be significant and now we need the t shirt with the two P.
DR. STACY (1:17:06)
Yes.
LATASHA (1:17:07)
We just created the whole merch store.
DR. STACY (1:17:13)
You know.
LATASHA (1:17:14)
So I have one last question for you and it's the question I ask every ever every guest, which is, you know, there's the mom who's somewhere between Girl, I got it and Jesus take the wheel.
DR. STACY (1:17:28)
Yeah.
You understand. Please take it and check it.
LATASHA (1:17:35)
You know, I'll I'll I'll let you have it for
DR. STACY (1:17:37)
You know, or
LATASHA (1:17:38)
a while. I promise I won't even try to take it back for now. because we always are trying to take it back. It's like Well Jesus, why not have left? You know. I'm sorry, yeah.
DR. STACY (1:17:51)
I would
LATASHA (1:17:53)
I wouldn't have done that.
DR. STACY (1:17:56)
It's like well G 'cause you
LATASHA (1:17:59)
but she's between these two points of tension. What what's your advice to her in terms of her being able to move forward?
DR. STACY (1:18:08)
Hmm. He's still okay.
LATASHA (1:18:13)
I think
DR. STACY (1:18:13)
We
sometimes try to rush through life. We're in survival mode. And we we don't want to be in survival mode. Yeah. And there were there was a part when when Jesus was talking to Mary and Martha and he said, you know, she's choosing the best part by sitting at my feet and being still.
LATASHA (1:18:29)
Yeah,
DR. STACY (1:18:32)
Sometimes we just gotta be still leaving his moms. The chaos is going on around us. I always tease my kiddos, I'll be sitting there drinking my coffee while you're having your mouth down, just telling you. That's how it goes. Enjoy that moment over there. Enjoy mine over here.
LATASHA (1:18:44)
Yeah.
DR. STACY (1:18:45)
Yeah. But yeah. Sometimes we just have to be still. And and know that it's gonna be okay. All things were gonna be okay.
LATASHA (1:18:53)
Yeah, it's gonna be okay. And I think you know, so it gives permission for the mom who likes to hide in the pantry or her bathroom. Bathroom. I'm the bathroom girl. Yeah, I got those things in there.
DR. STACY (1:19:09)
The door pantry didn't have a law. That part it doesn't. It does not have a lot. Lady stop going to the pantry.
LATASHA (1:19:18)
Maybe
there's no block there.
DR. STACY (1:19:20)
There's no hunk dog.
LATASHA (1:19:22)
my God.
DR. STACY (1:19:24)
but you've just given us
LATASHA (1:19:25)
even even in that. And I think if even if we use that time, sometimes it's just for the wusa, you know. Sometimes, you know, just take the time you need. It's okay. It's it's a long journey. I mean, it's a lifelong journey to shape the human another human heart. Though I I think what you're saying is, you know, is also, you know, what we talked about earlier, which is
Remember whose you are. Also who's raising children. Yeah, and yes, you're called to steward them well. but God has not forgotten about you, you know, your heart, the areas of you know, your life that, you know, feel deficient or pla things in you that feel like they're not fulfilling or fulfilled, you know, that is what the altar, that's what Jesus be is for.
That's for that.
And at the end of the that's also a t shirt.
DR. STACY (1:20:28)
We got a sticker on my Made Well by God shop. Listen, go we can go to my website. Not a sticker? Yep. Mary Lost Jesus. Yep.
LATASHA (1:20:37)
Yeah, I'm going
from here to there.
DR. STACY (1:20:41)
Yeah. I think
LATASHA (1:20:41)
Does it
say at the end of the d what does it say exactly?
DR. STACY (1:20:45)
It
says Mary lost Jesus and then hashtag still chosen or still favored. I think we have two of them, still chosen and still favored. Yep. Listen, that's the reminder. I love
LATASHA (1:20:55)
that
I'm gonna add at the end of the day.
DR. STACY (1:20:59)
Yeah.
At the end of the day, girl. She still doesn't.
LATASHA (1:21:09)
So honestly, I that is a wonderful place for us to to conclude our interview. It's been so fabulous talking to you. I could talk to you all day, get nothing done, just key k and then the fact that we're both in purple, I just knew this is gonna be great because who dresses alike and
DR. STACY (1:21:29)
In purple. That's right. Impossible. Turn
LATASHA (1:21:31)
We're both
DR. STACY (1:21:32)
over purple.
LATASHA (1:21:33)
so and and she's so cute, so pretty. And I love that you deliver your message with this beautiful smile and spirit. So yes, thank you so much. I can't thank you enough. Please tell the listeners where they can find you, how they can purchase your books, do you do workshops? Tell us all that.
DR. STACY (1:21:52)
Yes, I do workshops, speaking engagements, women conferences. I actually, if you go to my Instagram page, you'll see where I am all over when it comes to speaking. And then the meanslpc.com
LATASHA (1:22:03)
Doctor Stacy H.
DR. STACY (1:22:05)
and made well by god does have dot com, does have our shirts. We have our shirts, we have our hats. and really I just want to thank you so much for letting me be here because a part of this is just create again being in communities where we are supporting each other and
Feeling that love as moms because we need that too. So I love all that you're doing for moms. 'Cause we
LATASHA (1:22:26)
Thank you so much. Thank you. I appreciate that. And, ladies, check out Dr. Stacey Haynes on Instagram and grab her book and just get yourself some coffee. Go lock yourself in the bathroom and take the time you need so that you can love your babies well. That's all we have for you today. Please feel free to reach out with any questions that you have. And we're happy to connect with you and hear more about how we can support you and your journey.
in motherhood. Take care guys. Bye.