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What is a kid from a hard place? In today's episode, Zach shares the story of two kids who come from completely different circumstances.
Show Notes
Episode: 2
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WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
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MEET THE TEAM
Zachary Garza Sr. Writer/Interviewer
Daniel De Jesús Host/Interviewer
Caroline Cash Host/Interviewer
Stephen Murray Producer/Editor
Daniel De Jesús Host/Interviewer
Caroline Cash Host/Interviewer
Stephen Murray Producer/Editor
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SHOW NOTES
You Can Mentor
Forerunner Mentoring
Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development
The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis
Empowered to Connect: Children from Hard Places (youtube)
Forerunner Mentoring
Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development
The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis
Empowered to Connect: Children from Hard Places (youtube)
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the you can mentor podcast. This podcast is all about the power of building relationships. In the mentoring community, kids come from a lot of different backgrounds and experiences. Today, we're gonna be unpacking the term kids from hard places. This term comes from the late doctor Karen Purvis, a best selling author and cofounder of the Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas.
Speaker 2:She was a passionate and effective advocate for children who suffered from trauma, abuse, neglect or any other adverse conditions early on in life. I highly recommend her book The Connected Child. It's one of my favorite resources for building relationships with children as a parent or a mentor. It's gonna give you a lot of awesome tools and resources to help you build trust with a kid. When we refer to kids from hard places on this podcast, we are describing a child who has experienced 1 or many relational or societal injustices in their life.
Speaker 2:They may have experienced a hardship like lacking relationship with a parent. They may deal with the stress and difficulties that accompany poverty, racism, abuse, neglect. We recognize that this term comes with baggage, but please stay with us as we unpack what does it mean to be a kid from a hard place.
Speaker 3:So today, we're gonna talk about the definition of kids from hard places, and we're gonna do so with a story. This is a story about the tale of 2 kids. Let me introduce you to John. Now as I talk about John, I want you to try your hardest to imagine him in your mind. What does he look like?
Speaker 3:Try to picture him as I tell the story about John and what he goes through on a day in and day out basis. So John wakes up in his own room, in his own bed by his mom singing to him, wake up, you sleepy head. Wake up, get out of bed. As John stumbles into the kitchen, he sees that his mom has already made him his usual breakfast. Eggs, bacon, milk, and a banana.
Speaker 3:John scarves it down as fast as he can while his mom grills him with the usual questions. John, did you pack your homework? Did you remember that you have a test today? Where is your backpack? Be sure to tuck in that shirt.
Speaker 3:John finishes breakfast and manages to escape mom's questions by sneaking back into his own room to quickly get ready for school. John's excited for school today. He picks up his backpack filled with brand new school supplies and hops into mom's car. On the way to school, John's mom encourages him to do his best and reminds him that he's very smart, and the sky's the limit. There's no doubt that his mom is his biggest cheerleader.
Speaker 3:This past weekend, John experienced homecoming at the local state university with his parents and his grandparents, both proud alums. And now he's telling everyone that he can't wait to go to State U one day. He's even wearing his new shirt that reads, state class of 2,028. Full from breakfast and ready to learn, John is good to go. In fact, he can't stop hearing the words that his granddad told him this past weekend.
Speaker 3:Look here, Johnny boy. You make good grades. We'll do whatever we have to do to get you into state. You don't have to worry about that, son. We got your back.
Speaker 3:He's at a good school full of good kids in a classroom that is quiet and calm. The kids in his class take their education seriously, probably because their parents took their education seriously and their parents before them did the same. The teacher at the school graduated top of her class and got the job of her dreams when she was hired at this specific school. The teacher works hard and can't wait for her own kids to attend that same school in a few years. John goes to lunch and eats a healthy meal that his mom packed.
Speaker 3:Mom even has a napkin with an encouraging note on it. I believe in you is what the note says. He finds the same note each day when opening up his brown bag. After lunch, John finishes up the school day and gets picked up from school by his best friend's mom. Who wants to get some ice cream?
Speaker 3:She yells as the kids pile into her minivan. Today is a good day. John gets home from school and his mom is on him to finish up the homework from the second he gets home. He knows what comes first. He can't turn on the TV or go outside until all his homework is done.
Speaker 3:He finishes his math homework and now starts on a science fair project. His mom can notice that John's having a hard time and she begins to ask the questions. He finishes his math homework and now starts on a science fair project. Can I help you with that, John? Do you need help on your science fair project?
Speaker 3:As John and his mother discuss the scientific method, they realize that they need to go to Walgreens to get some poster board and markers for the project. Back at home now, mom challenges John to do his best on the science project. He's got all the supplies he needs. John has no problem doing his best. After all, dad always makes John feel so good when he makes good grades.
Speaker 3:About that time, John walks in from work. Daddy's home, he says in a funny voice. Dad makes a beeline to mom and gives her a big hug and an even bigger kiss. John acts embarrassed, but really he loves watching his dad love on his mom. As John's dad tells his mom how much he loves her, a wave of peace flows over the home.
Speaker 3:Mom cooks a delicious healthy meal, and John is asked a million questions about his day by parents as they sit around the dinner table. They do the same thing every night. May I be excused? John asks. Sure.
Speaker 3:But only after you do your chores, his dad says. John does the usual, clears off the table, does the dishes, sweeps up the floor. And son, his dad says, we got basketball practice in 30 minutes, so you better hurry up. Oh, yeah. That's right.
Speaker 3:I forgot, John said. It's Monday. Basketball practice. John rushes to his room to put on his brand new shoes and meets dad in the car. John's dad is super excited about coaching the team this year, and he gives John the same pep talk that he has since day 1.
Speaker 3:Son, work hard. Be a good teammate. Have fun. John talks about one day playing ball at State U, but dad reminds him that education is the key to his future. Basketball practice ends, and John and his dad are on their way home.
Speaker 3:They stop by the store to pick up an ice cream treat. Hey, Johnny boy. Don't tell mom. This is our little secret. So buddy, how's life really going?
Speaker 3:Why don't you tell me what's new in your life? After a heart to heart with his dad, John goes home. He showers up. His mom reminds him to pack up his book bag and to grab his science fair project. Off he goes to his room to fall asleep thinking to himself how excited he is for school tomorrow.
Speaker 3:His dad comes in, tells him he loves him, and gives him a kiss on the forehead. Sweet dreams, son. I want you to picture John. Picture what he looks like. Picture what his family looks like.
Speaker 3:His house. Think about what John is feeling inside. Do you think he feels important? Do you think he feels cared for? I don't want you to forget about John.
Speaker 3:Now let me introduce you to Mike. So Mike has to wake himself up for school. Most days he wakes up, but he's been known to oversleep by 5 or 15 minutes. Today is one of those days. Mike tries his hardest to be quiet because he knows his mom is sound asleep.
Speaker 3:After all, work in the night shift is no joke. Life is hard for the single mother who works 2 jobs, 1 night shift and 1 on the weekends. She's had to pick up a new job ever since rent went up at her new apartments. Mike looks around for something clean to wear, but it looks like his mom hasn't had an opportunity to do laundry yet. He's in a hurry, so he just wears what he wore to school yesterday.
Speaker 3:Man, I hope no one notices, he thinks to himself. I don't feel like getting made fun of today. As Mike runs out of the complex, he rushes down the stairs to see the school bus driving off. Looks like Mike will be walking to school today. As he's walking, he realizes he forgot his backpack in his mom's car.
Speaker 3:Aw, man, he sighs. Miss Smith is gonna be so mad. Mike gets to school right on time, but he's late to class because he stops by the cafeteria to grab some breakfast. Man, breakfast pizza again? This stuff is so nasty.
Speaker 3:Full on stale breakfast pizza and chocolate milk, he comes into math class about 5 minutes late. As he walks into miss Smith's class, he immediately gets an airful. How dare you show up late to my class? Looks like you'll be spending a lunch in here with me. And let me guess, you don't have your backpack either.
Speaker 3:So you show up late and unprepared. That sounds about right, Mike. You're really something else. Miss Smith isn't a big fan of Mike and she's for sure not a big fan of her low income school that she works at. Everyone knows it.
Speaker 3:In fact, she reminds Mike how miserable she is each and every day. What is wrong with you? She screams at Mike. Why can't you act right? Mike is embarrassed and begins to shut down.
Speaker 3:He goes to his desk and he puts his head down. It takes him until lunch to calm down. Mike sits quietly and lunch detention for miss Smith, eating his pizza and fries. Today sucks, he thinks to himself. Pardon the interruption, students.
Speaker 3:Mike looks up at the loudspeaker in the ceiling. Please walk down to the auditorium for our afternoon assembly. Yes, Mike says to himself. He runs down to the auditorium and hears some guy talk for an hour and a half about college readiness. The only thing Mike knows about college is that his mom tried to take some night classes one time but had to quit halfway through because she had to work to make ends meet.
Speaker 3:The speaker is standing up on the stage and he's saying big words like commuter, tuition assistance, and work study program. The speaker's pretty boring, so Mike uses the assembly to take a quick nap. He's had a hard time sleeping the last few nights because of the noise outside his complex coming from his neighbors. School's out. Thank god.
Speaker 3:Usually, Mike takes the bus home, but today he decides to walk home. It's not like he has anything else to do. Mike puts his hood on, plugs in his headphones, and begins to walk home to his apartment complex. As he's walking home, he sees a bunch of older guys who are up to no good smoking pot. You can tell that they're eyeing his headphones and could easily take them if they wanted to.
Speaker 3:Fear begins to run through Mike's body as he passes the older guys. Hey, kid. Mike turns and looks at him. Hey, man. Why don't you come over here and have a smoke?
Speaker 3:They ask. Nah, man. Not today, says Mike, trying to act as cool as he can. He walks away terrified that they're gonna jump him from behind. Mike's mom is coming down the stairs headed to work as Mike enters the complex.
Speaker 3:It's the night shift again. She grabs her only son and gives him a big hug. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and says, Mike, listen to me. There's pizza in the fridge for dinner. Do your homework.
Speaker 3:Go to bed before 10, and do not, I repeat, do not watch TV until your homework is all done. Mike, you got that? Yeah, mom. I got it, Mike says as he looks at his mom. She looks tired, he thinks to himself.
Speaker 3:He gives her a kiss as she goes to work. Mike, I sure do love you, she says. Yeah, mom. I love you too, Mike says. Mike walks into his apartment complex about 5 PM.
Speaker 3:He goes to do his homework and forgets that his backpack is still in his mom's car. Dang, he thinks. Miss Smith is gonna kill me. He doesn't have anything else to do and it's only 5 PM. Without his backpack, he can't do his homework.
Speaker 3:Mom says not to go outside because it's too dangerous. Mike heard that a guy got shot and killed in his complex last week, the 3rd shooting in the last 3 months. Mike's by himself all alone. He makes his pizza, grabs a soda, and tries to do the math worksheet that is folded up in his back pocket. What's a hypothesis again?
Speaker 3:Man, I just don't get this, he says to himself as he crumbles up his homework in frustration. I'll just watch TV for a few minutes and maybe I'll remember what a hypothesis is. Mike plops down on the couch as he watches LeBron on the TV. Maybe one day I can be like LeBron, Mike dreams. He falls asleep by himself in his apartment while he watches the game.
Speaker 3:He's just happy that this day is over. As Mike's mom comes in from the night shift around 2 AM, she sees her baby asleep on the couch with the TV on in the background. She sits by her boy and runs her hands through his hair. She starts to cry a little. You see, work was hard today, and seeing her boy asleep on the couch puts her over the top.
Speaker 3:This isn't the life I wanted to give my boy. He deserves better than this, she says. She picks Mike up and puts him in bed. She tucks him in, stands over her boy, and worries. She worries about him.
Speaker 3:She worries about his grades. She worries about his school and the apartments that they live in. As she leaves Mike's room, she says under her breath, life sure can be pretty tough for an 8 year old kid. So I want you to picture Mike. Can you see him?
Speaker 3:Can you see his apartment? Can you see his mom? And can you imagine what Mike is like? What he deals with on a day in and day out basis? I want you to think back to John's story and I want you to compare it to Mike's and just see how much harder does Mike have it on a daily basis.
Speaker 3:I want you to picture Mike's mom. She's doing the best she can to provide for her son but I'm afraid she's tired. I'm afraid she's giving up hope. Picture their neighborhood, and the schools that all the kids there go to. The truth is, Mike is poor.
Speaker 3:Mike is fatherless. Mike is alone most days. And Mike is exactly what we mean when we talk about a kid from a hard place. Now I know the story is somewhat of an accumulation of all the worst case scenarios, but that is just what some of our kids and our families deal with on a day to day basis. Some of the kids that we've served here have experienced more hardship in their 10 years on earth than I have in my over 30 years.
Speaker 3:A kid from a hard place might deal with poverty, racism, isolation, trauma, a difficult birth or pregnancy, neglect, loss in relationship due to abandonment or death, fatherlessness, difficult living situations, abuse, stress in childhood, divorce, instability. Any of these things on their own would be hard enough to deal with. These kids from hard places, they're dealing with a number of these issues. We believe that there is no such thing as a bad kid. Let me repeat, there is no such thing as a bad kid.
Speaker 3:There is, however, such thing as a hurt kid, and that hurt creates obstacles to them fulfilling their potential. We must see the child through the eyes of their past. We must look past their behavior and remember what they have been through. We must cultivate compassion. We must see our children how Jesus sees them.
Speaker 3:There's always a reason why they act the way that they act, and most of the time that why can be found in their story. We, as mentors, have the opportunity to look these kids in the eyes and tell them who they are and whose they are. We also get to tell them who they are not because this world will put negative labels on them each and every single day. We get to build relationships based on trust and love with these kids who are filled with so much god given potential. We don't judge.
Speaker 3:We don't fix. We don't see our kids as a project. We see them as a person. We come alongside them and get to know them. Our presence communicates value and worth.
Speaker 3:For some of the kids that we serve, a mentor might be the only person in their life who cares, the only one who is praying for them, who believes in them, the only one who represents Jesus Christ and who he stands for. You are the real life bible. Your example gives them hope and permission to dream of what could be. Kids from hard places are who we serve, and we believe they are worth it. They're worth our time, our love, and our energy.
Speaker 3:Can it be hard? Of course. But kids from hard places have a special place in the heart of Jesus. Because Jesus has come to serve the orphan and the widow. He goes to the poor.
Speaker 3:He sets the lonely in family. He wants us to make disciples by building relationships with people. He's looking for someone to love his most prized possession, his people. He wants to get to know them, and he wants to use you to do so. My friends, the Lord does not call the qualified.
Speaker 3:He qualifies the called, and he's calling today. And all he needs is your yes. He'll take care of the rest.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening to the You Can Mentor podcast today. If you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a review. Share this episode with someone you know, someone who is a potential mentor. This could actually change somebody's life, so please do that. And if there's one thing you took away from today's episode, let it be this.
Speaker 2:You can mentor.