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We’ve been told the feminine is “rising," but the truth is, she must first descend—into her roots, her womb, her shadow, her softness. This descent is not collapse. It is reclamation. This 7-part podcast training from Monarch Mystery School is guiding women into the depths of their power, pleasure, and purpose.
Hello, loves.Welcome to another episode of the Dark Feminine Diaries.Daphne and I are so excited today to really dive into all of the ways we've fucked ourselves as women.Because we don't need to become anything else.We actually need to unwind from what we are not, from what other people have told us to be, what people have projected upon us, the stories that we've told so much that we have made them become our truth, even though we're not.Where does all this people-piecing come from, Daphne?Why are we like this?Holy smokes, babe.I know.Why?Why are we like this?We are in this cycle of trying to become superhuman, right?Trying to do all the things that we're supposed to do as women, and then I think that's it, my friend.I think it's because we're also trying to be the other side, and that exhausts us, and that takes us farther away from ourselves, and I think in some ways almost tricks us into believing that we were never enough and that we're becoming enough.Mm-hmm.Right?Absolutely.Well, and then you think about capitalism and- Mm-hmm.consumerism always preying on that fear.Of us not being enough, of us not having enough, of us needing more, of us needing to consume more than we create, and then it starts this vicious cycle.Yes.And so, what are the things that we consume?We consume everything from beauty products to make us feel like our skin is somehow defying, you know, the age that we're all trying to avoid having, right?'Cause wisdom is definitely not something we want on our face.Um, and then we're, we're always- Never- Never- Never a line shall cross this path.No wisdom.All myWe wanna be a baby's butt, but we wanna speak from, like, shriveled crone.It's really a problem.Um, right, and then, like, the- the courses, right?The endless courses."Become a better human.""Become a better you."We know what it takes to become a better you.Right?And I'm laughing too 'cause I've been guilty of it, right?I've totally done those marketing tactics of, like- No."Become the best version of yourself."And it wasn't until you and I truly h- have descended into this feminine energy that I've been like, "Oh, wait.No.It's an unwinding.It's an undoing."Yes.It's an unbecoming.Yes.Uh, it's- it's the opposite of everything we've been taught.Oh, my God.Yes.It's- it's a- it's a true unfucking.Right?Um, we have been fucked 6 ways since last Tuesday.Um, you know, in all of these beliefs where we're- we're consumption machines, and then what happens is that we consume so much that we actually block our own- our own self, our own energy, our own brilliance, our own feminine mystique.More and more and more, the more layers of paint we kind of put over it being like, "This is the layer of paint that's gonna fix it."And, you know, that shows up in the beauty industry by having, you know, you- you need something to make your waist smaller, and your boobs need to be bigger, and your lips need to be bigger, and everything, and we're never asking, like, "Why?"How does that make me better?I- As a human, that's not who I am."No.Why- It's a meat suit.It's a meat suit for your soul avatar.But we decorate our m- our meat suits.I mean, I've got- Yes.Yes.I'm covered in tattoos, right?But I think- Absolutely.that's very different, and I think it comes back to that "why" you were mentioning, because I believe so many of us that are caricatures of ourselves, don't feel confident in our own skin, so maybe- Yep.we're getting new lips, we're getting new butts, we're getting new boobs- Ugh.which I am not knocking.Like, if you need that to feel confident- No.please, please do that for yourself.But then I want you to ask why you're doing it.Are you doing it because you want to look better for someone else, or because you want to feel better in your own skin?Or the real trick question: Are you n- doing it because you want to or because you've seen everyone around you doing it and so now you feel left out as the only girl without the boob job, as the only girl without the thing, you know?Correct.I mean, and it's really hard.I- I would imagine, you know, this isn't my circle of friends, but I imagine if you're in a circle of friends and everyone, for example- Mm-hmm.gets their lips done, "Well, girl, your lips look shriveled as shit-" "in comparison."Like, they're not, but clearly- Yeah.in that context, and I think that's a big thing about it is perspective.Yeah.It's about, you know, when we use other people's example to create our self-image, right?And- and that's- that's the- that's the striving piece, right?Where we're always looking outside instead of looking in the mirror at what we already are and what we could do with what we already are, right?Because we were born, we know that we were born with all of the things that we need to become everything we're supposed to do, right?But we're constantly performing as though we're not.Yeah.As though we're like, "Nope, we have an empty suitcase or an empty toolbox that we're trying to fill," um, and then we start performing.Like- Yeah.trying to tap dance our way to, uh, success or fullness or wholeness, and it happens for men, right?It happens for men because we f- we know that men are that structure that women, you know, crave in some ways and- and, you know, tothat safety piece.Yeah.So, we tap dance for them.Let's beLet's get their approval.And then we tap dance for women.Argh.That's the one that gets me.That's like We tap dance for women, like, II mean, we do it all the time.In practi- I would say more so than for men, and- and why do you think that is?Do you think it's 'cause- 'cause we judge ourselves so much that we know how they are gonna judge us?Is- is that it?Ooh.You know what?I've never thought about it like that, but I do think that's true, that judgment is- And it's always that we're looking at what we lack.I was thinking about that while you were talking, that instead of, "What do we already have?What makes us full and whole and complete?"Versus, we're always looking at, "We're missing this, we're lacking this, we do not have this."And it's like, again, this yearning for this thing outside of yourself that I kind of really think was taught.I don't think- Yeah.we're born that way.I don't think we're born yearning for these things outside of ourselves, but they've become so ingrained in society, and perpetuated through popular culture, and what we see, like, happening out there, that then we think it's normal.And then, we're keeping up with the other women because we've been taught that they are competition forever, so we don't know how to act any differently.Right.And I think that judgment we have felt from a young age.I know I did.I felt that judgment come in elementary school, and it was because, I'm sure, that girl felt judged by another girl her age, maybe someone in her family, maybe the matriarch of her family didn't really- Yeah.speak to her in a nice way, and actually was really catty and judging.And then that ancestral energy is just passed on, and passed on, and passed on, and it doesn't stop until you bring it into conscious awareness.Exactly.And it can be simple, right?It doesn't even have to be, like, these things that are earth-shattering, but again, the way that you let your husband talk to you.Or the way that you talk to your daughter, like, that matters, you know?Yes.The way that you let anyone speak to you, the way that you communicate, the way that you carry yourself.You know, I do wanna talk about, you know, we, we talk about, we've spoken a lot about the art of adornment and, like, dressing yourself up and feeling the part, and I don't wanna say that women that don't take care of themselves can't be confident.However, I would say that there's a certain honoring, right?In, and that, that makes us feel enough.Now, whether that for some people is wearing makeup, wearing the heels, doing the thing, you know, dressing the nines, fine.But for some of us, it looks a little bit differently and it's having the confident to, confidence to do it your way- Yeah.and to fill yourself up, and it comes back to that why that we started with, right?Why are you doing it?As long as you're not doing it so that you feel enough against the Karen next door, um, you know, it, uh, that's never the point.The point is showing up for yourself, and I think you and I embody that really well because we work from home, and we show up for ourselves in a way that pleases us in the mirror.There ain't nobody to perform for, at least f- f- for, like, there's no one I'm performing for here.Yeah.Like, I'm, I, I'm here, you and I didn't even see each other before we got on this, you know, and it's about self-expression, and when it becomes that, it actually frees energy out of your soul, right?That's what the adornment, that's what, like, the, the creation of beauty from our meat sacks is about.It's an honoring of what we already are.It's not a, uh, a costume or a mask we put on to be enough, right?Like- Mm-hmm.I was enough before I put this lipstick on, um, when I woke up this morning.This is just what makes me feel like, you know, I'm camera ready.Right?Like jazzy in the moment.No, it's true.Yeah.And, you know, I think, like, that, that energy, again, how did you see your mother and your grandmother act in the world?Were they subservient?Were they dressing loud and proud?Were theyMy mom used to call, and still does, calls makeup goop.So for the longest time, I didn't wear it because, oh, it was goop, you know?And I always saw, like, from my grandmother, they got married super young and she's always taking care of the house, and my grandfather.I mean, she did have a job for a while when I was younger.But those are gonna be in your subconscious.Yeah.That energy is going to be there bec- whether or not you realize it, right?And so, asking yourself that why, or Daphne and I both like to say, "Ask yourself why, like, 5 times."'Cause- Yeah.that's really gonna get you to the root of why you're doing something.And don't let yourself judge what the answer is, because chances are, it's rooted in judgment.Mm-hmm.And judgment comes, right, when we see something that someone else has that we want, but instead of saying, "Ooh, ah, I could go have that too,"- Right.we try and spin it and say, "Well, she's shitty 'cause she has it and I don't," as, like, a weird way to make ourselves feel better.Yeah.But instead it just, like, makes us feel shittier, you know?Yeah.It's que- that, that's that green-eyed monster, right?The green-eyed monster jealousy says, it's green 'cause it comes from the heart, and it's you blocking your own heart, and it's saying, "Me, my heart sees something that it wants," and most of the time, it's confidence, right?We talked about before, emulating something outside of yourself, because you see that person as confident and you assume it's the, insert whatever thi- detail they have that's different from you, as opposed to, it's just their confidence you're being attracted to.But it's that same feeling that it's our lack that is being reflected to us that keeps us in that catty cycle.I grew up in a very catty household.I think that, likeDare I say it?Hispanic women are very catty.Uh, yeah.Yeah.Catty, all right?So both of us coming from, from Cuban heritage, um, you know, I grew up with, I mean, cattiness even, like, within my family.Like, within, like, my, my, you know, my grandmother and my mom, like, even, like, even watching, cattiness between them.Um, and my, my grandmother, my father's mo- my, yeah, my father's mother, God rest her soul, was very, umShe got her hair done every week, sh- she always had her nails long and red and always had red lipstick on, was always done to the nines, and she referred to herself as the doctor's wife.Well, my mother, being a doctor's wife, having been raised in a very different household where her mother never wore makeup, like, never did any of that, my mother was, like, the other doctor's wife.And it was, you knowAnd I, I, I saw her, I saw her naturally not need that to feel confident, but see, that constantly reflected back to her as like, "Well, fuck.Then how do I do that and raise 2 kids and, or 3 kids and run a household and be the secretary and do all of the things?"And, and I think that right there is, is that c- there's a reason why I then became what?The woman in the office, not the woman in the household first, right?Eh, eh, you're totally right, it's a trickle-down effect.So, how did your mother speak toHow did your mother speak to you?How did your grandmother speak to your mother?How did her gran- her mother speak to her mother?As many generations and even, like, across the, your f- your, uh, paternal line and your maternal line, when you really start investigating all of those, uh, female dynamics, you realize that that's the braiding, the weaving of what we're overcoming in this lifetime.Mm-hmm.And we are.We are overcoming it because- Yeah.it has been woven into our DNA.The epigenetics- Yes.have shown that you have literally experienced the energy of your grandmother and your mother because- Mm-hmm.of you being an egg in the womb inside- Yep.of your mother who was inside of your grandmother.It's really trippy to think about, but it's true, that energy is connected and you have experienced it.Again, whether or not it's, like, on a conscious level.Yes.But it's also why I think, you know, we want to, we want to do it all.We want to hold all the plates and do all the things, and it's a form of control.Because- Yes.we feel out of control in every other aspect of our life.So we say- Yep."Okay, if I can control it by being Superwoman, by running the house, by having a job, by taking care of the kids, by bending myself over backwards-" Mm-hmm." then everything is gonna be okay."No, mama, it's not.Everything is actually really probably gonna suffer when you do that because you're not meant to carry it all.We were never meant to do this alone, to be acting as a single mother if we didn't need to.Yep.And it has a negative effect on your kids.I give this as an example of myself.You know, I was i- in corporate America until, like, June of this year.Now I'm home, I'm slowing down.Yes, I have my own business, but I'm doing it at my own pace, in a very feminine way.I've come to find out, my oldest has adrenal fatigue.And that blows my mind because I'm like, "How does he have adrenal fatigue?He's 5 years old.Like, what is he doing that's so stressful?"His energy is still very connected to my energy and will be for the next, you know, uh, however many years.He's feeling my burnout.He's feeling my energy.And that's a hard pill to swallow, but I have noticed the difference in, you know, no longer trying to pour out of both ends, right?While, n- trying to do the corporate job and start my own side business and be a mom and all the things.I've noticed my pace is a lot slower and there's a little voice in my head that says I'm not doing enough, that I need to be doing more, that I did more when I was at my corporate job and doing this as a side hustle versus doing it full time.Then I have that other tiny, little, little person in my life that is a mirror that's showing me, "No, actually, the slowing down is what you need."Yes.His body is literally showing me what our family needs as, like, an energetic nucleus.And, you know, uh, kudos to you for, for being willing to ex- number one, tolerate that answer, because there's plenty of people who would be like, "Okay, Doctor-" "There's nothing wrong.There's nothing wrong."" nothing wrong.How dare you say my son, who's 5 years old, have, uh, adrenal fatigue.That can't possibly be true because that would/ might mean XYZ."But not only that, but you could also agree with it, do something about it, and not change anything about the way that you create your next life, right?Because I was you and I came home and guess what I did?Recreated the same life over again.Exactly.Right in my house, right?Um, so kudos to you for, for getting the help, finding out, and then helping your child address that, right?And growing together, growing closer.That's such a beautiful story.That is really- Yeah.such a beautiful story.And I, you know, I, I know that our listeners need to hear all of the ways in which, like, real moms come up against this, like, what seems to be in- like, almost unfathomably large.Like, when we talk about ancestral healing, I think sometimes it's, likeHoly fuck, how many generations do I need to heal?okay, on it, right?And you're like, "I actually just need to know if I can make it through dinner today," some days.Yeah, yeah.Right?So, so, you know, seeing a real-life example of that, um, is so beautiful, is so beautiful.And, you know, I, I did not make that decision, right?When I came home from corporate America 10 years ago, I recreated the same hustle in about three and a half years as I had just left.And I mean, my children suffered through that.I mean, I know that my daughter, who's now 7, still shows, you know, um, what I, anxious attachments- Yep.anxious attachments to me, because when she was born, at 3 months old, no, at 3 weeks old, I, uh, decorated a, uh, a bachelorette party.I then did a bridal shower when she was 4, uh, 6 weeks old.I put her on a plane when she was 10 weeks old and took her to a family event in Florida by myself.Um, uh- Oh my God.And these events, by the way, for the listeners, like, Daphne used to have a whole paper flower business.Oh, yeah, sorry.So like, Daphne not only had to like go to this event, she had to create all of the paper flowers for the event, and then go set it up at the event.Yeah, and- Like, that's a fuck-ton of work.Yeah, and I would, I would literally do it with her strapped to my chest, and I would stop and I would breastfeed, and I would keep working.And, um, it was really, it was a little too much when I found myself on a ladder in, like, the Philadelphia Flower Show.UmYeah.I mean.Uh, and she wasn't even 6 months old.And, you know, on a 20-foot ladder up there, like, pumping while I'm up there, likeI bet you got cheered on, though.That's the crazy thing to me is like- This is what it is.I- You were cheered on that entire time, like, "Oh my God, you're amazing, Mom.Way to go."Like, it makes me think of, uh, Dancing with the Stars this season, Jen Affleck from Secret Wives of Mormon Wives.She's 11 weeks postpartum, Daphne.11 weeks postpartum.Is she even allowed to have that amount of, like- No!Like, she started dancing, I don't know, 2 or 3 weeks ago.So literally, she was dancing, like, 8 weeks postpartum.No, but like, I mean, as a, as a yoga teacher, like, you know.You're, you don't go back to the, to teaching for a bit.LikeNo, she's, I mean, just like a celebrity that doesn't have yoga training, but, yeah, no, she probably- No, no, no, but like-could not be.No, no, no.Pelvic floor therapists have literally been like, "What are you doing?Like, you're "But she's been cheered on."Oh my God, you're amazing, Mom.This is your 4th kid."Yep."You're on Dancing with the Stars.Like, good for you."And part of her m- probably does feel empowered.I don't wanna take that away from her.Yeah.But how much of her right now is gonna look back and not even fucking remember this?Because she's in a postpartum haze, and like-I- I just, it flabbergasts me, but it's the perfect example of us being cheered on.Her body, ugh, ugh, no- nothing's going tothat's the thing.Like, we have forgotten as a society, but our bodies, our s- our DNA, our cells, our, our, our children don't forget.Nope.You know?I'm st- I'm definitely still, she's 7 years old, I'm still working with my daughter on anxious attachments to me.Um, and, and I know that's because of myYou know, as a breastfeeding mom, I couldn't be like not present, but if I wasn't physically nourishing her, I'm not gonna say that I was as present as I was with my son, when I, you know, wasn't attempting to create an empire.And yes, everyone celebrated me, and at that time, I had like, you know, 10,000 followers online, and like, it was like everyone was like, you know, applauding and everything was awesome.And it was the moment that I stepped down from that pace that everyone stopped cheering.Mm-hmm.And everyone was like, "Are you sick?Are you okay?"okay?"And ultimately, I ended up closing that business, but, um, because it was just not aligned.I couldn't physically make a handmade product and be the kind of woman that I wanted to be at that point in my life, and I think that's really full circle here, because we're always trying to be the thing, but then the thing that we need to be suffers.Hmm.And we don't think it does.We think that all these things help us be the thing, but it doesn't.Yeah.It's the stripping away that does.It's the sitting with your uncomfortableness.Yeah.It's the asking yourself, "Why do I act this way?"And maybe you don't wanna get that cerebral about it, you know, that logical.Okay, that's fine, maybe you don't ask why.But maybe you stop and take a deep breath and just listen to your body for once.And what is it telling you?Is it fucking tired?Does it really wanna go do that playdate thing that you had set up, like, a week ago?Probably not.And we need to then honor, we're talking about honoring ourselves, right?Then honor that we have changed our minds, honor our energy, honor the current energy that we are in.And that, I mean, also makes it why it's so important for you to better understand your own energy and your own cycles, because then you can make a plan-to say, "Fuck, my period's coming, I'm not planning a playdate that week."Actually, that was me a couple of weeks ago.I literally had some playdates lined up, and I called the moms and I was like, "My period came early, like, sorry, we're gonna have to reschedule."And I felt- I love that.no shame around that.Yeah.Well, you shouldn't.You shouldn't.I mean, and that's another thing, right?We were all taught that shameYou know, I don't wanna get into another episode, but, like, we were all taught that shame from the moment that, that we got our periods, right?Like- Mm-hmm.it's not okay to slow down.It's not okay.You have to pretend like nothing's happening, like everything's fine.Yeah.You have to go to this- No one cares that you're bleeding.We don't wanna know.We don't wanna know.Like, you, you get on that stage and you dance your little heart out for no one, 'cause if you win the Mirabelle Prize, like, like, girl, I will give you a disco ball and I will glue it to the top of some shit, and you can go take a nap.All right?Girl, like, you killing me.Like, is that what we need?We all need the disco ball?I, I willOh my gosh, can that just be my business?Like, disco ball for nap.You get a Mirabelle trophy in the mail, and then suddenly for a month you feel okay to nap.Like, but this is the- Who gives you permission?Here, you won an award, so now you can nap.I wanna grab one of these disco balls off my wall right now and justBecause that's, that's literally what we're waiting for.It's like we're waiting for, like, the universe to come down and give us our trophy of enoughness so we finally wash our face and lay the fuck down.And then wake up, and our children are gonna be like, "Oh my God, mom, you're smiling and you're happy, and that clown makeup is gone.It's so weird."Oh, oh, if only.If only we just- If only.Mirabelle trophies for everyone.Right?Oh my God.Just wait, that'll be the extra bonus-if you sign up for, uh, what we're sharing at the end of this series.Maybe we're gonna make every woman their own Mirabelle trophy.That's, that's- Done and done-and done.Oh my gosh.So yes, we are letting go of all this hardwired ancestral people pleasing, women reducing bullshit.We are, I mean, just collaboration and cheering each other on.Like, it actually feels really good.You guys should try it.All right, so, okay, challenge.This is the challenge of this episode.Go find some lady-in the street, okay?Like-at the supermarket.Go find some lady.Go, uh, go find some lady.You know what I mean.In your travels, observe somebody who you're like, "You know what?I l- that girl's, whatever, face, lipstick, handbag, something is super cute."And fucking tell her.Yeah.Oh my God, like the, um, like the scene in Barbie when Barbie sits down and she looks over at the grandma lady and she's like, "You're really pretty," or whatever she says?Yes.Um, like that.Be like, b- be like Barbie in a good way.Be, yeah.Just that, yeah.I know Daphne's like, "Fuck, don't be like Barbie."Victoria, what are you saying?So I want you to celebrate some random lady because I have a funny feeling that is gonna change that woman's day, and guess what?When you see her reaction, it's gonna change your day too.100%.Go be that change, baby.Yay.And stick with us for even more Dark Feminine Diaries episodes.We're just getting started.We're so excited to be here with you guys.If you are liking the content, please share it, share it, share it, and we'll be with you again here real soon.Bye.