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A podcast for women doing a lot and craving more soul alignment — motherhood, business, healing, relationships, growth — trying to do it without running themselves into the ground.
We talk about:
* intuition & energy
* nervous system regulation
* trauma healing
* self-compassion
* emotional processing
* entrepreneurship
* motherhood
* creating routines that actually support you
* staying connected to yourself while juggling real life
This is about learning how to feel energized, grounded, cared for, emotionally honest, and fully alive.
Your soul called - are you ready to answer?
Welcome to Your Soul Called. A podcast for those feeling like there's something more. More alignment, more purpose, more peace, more connection, more joy. I'm Nicole your host. Each week we explore the invisible things that shape our lives, our intuition, our energy, our emotions and the lessons we came here to learn.
Nicole:Through personal stories, meaningful conversations and practical tools my hope is that every episode helps you trust yourself a little bit more, love yourself a little deeper and remember something your soul has always known. So without further ado let's dive in! Hi everyone welcome to episode 18 Finding Safety in the Middle of Chaos. That's the title of today's podcast because my life is kind of chaotic right now. We've had money uncertainty construction delays with this building of the new house just the other day my car I have a Volvo XC90 and the window of the side seat rolled down and wouldn't come back up.
Nicole:We have roof leaks, we have all these like random unexpected expensive it seems like back to back to back plus you know the normal six sports teams practices and games every single day that we have going on Saturdays literally every Saturday until the end of November we have six games just on Saturday so it's like eight or seven a. M. Till 05:30 p. M. We're at game after game after game plus business is just very unstable for some reason right now with the shipping increases you know postage costs going up and there's just a lot going on right now in the economy which has directly affected my businesses all of them and this new house build is just you know it's it's more than we expected it's been difficult and then this week I hit myself well I didn't hit myself but my surfboard hit me in the face and like it got caught in a wave it was really weird and it hit my face straight on and I thought oh no my lip is probably bleeding on the inside and I knew it was probably bleeding on the inside because I could taste it and I stuck my finger in my mouth and there was so much blood.
Nicole:It was scary. And then the blood started dripping down my face onto my surfboard, and I freaked out because like sharks I live in Hawaii so I don't know if sharks is like a thing and I saw the blood like dripping into the water tied my rash guard around my face paddled in and then I realized that I could stick my tongue through this is really gross I could stick my tongue through my face because my tooth went all the way through to the other side. So yeah that happened and it was really sore luckily. In case you didn't know this your face heals really quickly I didn't need stitches or anything and within three days it actually sealed itself up and it still hurts a little but it's definitely gotten way better really quickly and the healing time has been extremely quick which is amazing but yeah, that's just one of the many things that has been going on with me, but and it's it's just been like that kind of year, you know? And what's interesting that I've noticed is that the more this stuff happens, it's like I'm starting to get comfortable in the chaos and I actually feel more grounded than I ever have.
Nicole:And it is not because my life is more stable but it has forced me to become more stable internally. And what this year has really taught me is how to create safety inside myself consistently all the time instead of waiting for my circumstances to change first so money it used to mean something about me I used to make it mean something about me and at the beginning of this year we went through this thing where I was just constantly not I my family my husband we would like accidentally overdraw our bank account It happened at least four times. I had never done this before in my life. And it would I remember seeing that like negative $3.70 4 in red in my bank account and then immediately feeling panic. And it wasn't just oh my god, we're overdrawn.
Nicole:It was more of this like, oh, fuck. I messed up. You know, I suck. I'm failing. I'm not doing enough.
Nicole:I'm bad. And I was started realizing that, like, this number on the screen, which was just a number, was I was making it become a reflection of my worth. And that was super powerful to notice because the number itself -three seventy four in red is just information. It's just a number. It doesn't say anything about who I am, my worth, my value.
Nicole:It can tell me that something needs to change. Maybe I need to look at our spending maybe I need a better system for handling these bills that are bigger than normal going in and out maybe I need to make more money maybe I need to pay more attention to what money comes out and when it comes out you know all of it is just information but it doesn't mean I'm a failure a number is never a reflection of who you are right it's just information just a number on a screen. But this is where the work kind of came in for me and how it changed everything for me because what I used to do in a situation like this where I saw negative three seventy four in red in a bank account was I would get immediate fear, panic, shame even, disappointment, stress, worry and I would let this feeling take over me. It felt like I didn't really have a choice. It's just what would happen to me.
Nicole:And I would shut down. And this feeling would start to influence the way I acted. The things I did, my feelings, my beliefs, all of it. And what I've done instead more recently is to really pay attention to where I'm connecting my worth and my value to that number and essentially be able to feel whatever feelings are coming through even if it's something like shame or panic or fear to just feel it without becoming it I would allow the fear the shame the panic, whatever. Let it be there and let it stay in my body.
Nicole:And I would take care of it. I would allow myself to feel the feelings, notice it, take care of it, and you know really understand what's going on and be like it's okay that you're there you know you're there for a reason it's okay and I love you and really support this whatever feeling that's happening right now in my body until it felt safe and I felt safe and then I would literally feel my self lighten and when that happened I could kind of look at what was underneath you know what does this mean what does this belief mean about me oh I'm scared I'm scared I won't be able to make this work I'm scared that you know something bad is going to happen and I won't be able to handle it that it's too big. Is it true? Like how many times have I faced difficult big things and always figured it out? Okay so it's not true.
Nicole:Well, is this just one more big thing that I can figure out? A newer, bigger thing? Yes, it is. Okay. Well, then it's not that scary.
Nicole:I can handle big things. I can do big things, right? So I reevaluate what the truth is about the situation instead of just allowing the feelings to be the truth like just because I feel panic doesn't mean I am actually in a place of instability of unsafety so I learned how to support myself more instead of punishing myself I learned to separate money from my worth and that's been pretty huge for me because of all of this feeling not enough that I felt in the past. I started to shed that and trust myself more. I supported myself more.
Nicole:Now when I see a low bank account, which happens a lot by the way when you're building a new house that costs millions of dollars, it's like, holy fuck, this amount of money just left and it's scary. But instead of being like, I fucked up, I start to separate who I am from this number and I think okay this is just information what do I need to adjust and then I make the adjustment I make you know, the shifts that need to happen. For example, now that this has happened multiple times, I'm like, oh, I need to do something about this. Right? It's not about me.
Nicole:Let's make an actual physical shift so I created a money day every once a week I do a money day where I check all of my accounts I move money around I figured out how much money is coming out when it's coming out and how much is going in when it's going in I make sure those things are always balanced I know that there's going to be times where big amounts go in and out and I tell myself I can handle it I allow the fear to come up if it does and I take care of it I can work with big numbers going in and out. I can figure it out. This doesn't define me. Right? Honestly this has changed my relationship with money completely and I don't think I could have taken my old way of thinking about money with me to where I'm going.
Nicole:So I do feel very grateful that all of this has happened. I was forced to look at things in the way that I had to look at them. I was forced to step up and see things differently because learning how to create safety within myself when there are moments that feel unsafe or unstable or scary, that is what is necessary for where I'm going and I would rather create the safety from inside of me than have to depend on getting it outside of me because I can trust that I can always give it to myself right? I can't always trust that the money is just going to come in or that the safety from outside will be there but I can create it within myself and I can trust myself to do that so I'm grateful for this. I'm grateful that it happened.
Nicole:It's completely changed the way I respond to instability because when something went wrong before, I used to think, it's all on me. I have to fix this. I put so much pressure on myself. The car breaks. Fix it.
Nicole:Construction gets delayed. Fix it. Figure it out. An unexpected, you know, $12,000 bill comes in. Work harder.
Nicole:Work harder. Work harder. It's all on me. Figure it out. You know, whatever the problem is, I would push more, I would push harder and immediately go into action.
Nicole:And I'm the kind of person that is good at working hard, pushing more. You know, more action, more action, more action. I can do that. But the problem was that I was never really looking at the actual numbers, at the actual situation. I was just responding to a feeling of unsafety, a feeling of scary, a feeling of everything's just too much that puts this, like, pressure in my body of I'm not safe.
Nicole:I need to fix this. It's all on me. And finally, I had to stop and ask myself, like, is this true? Because you can't work that hard that much for that long. Like, I just went way past the limit.
Nicole:So I started questioning it, like, is this actually true? Am I really not safe? Do I really need to fix this? Is it really all on me? Maybe not.
Nicole:Right? Then even if there is a problem, do I need to solve the whole thing right now? No. I just need the next step! So that became like a thing for me instead of having to fix everything like figure out the whole big picture how to fix it I realized I don't even need all that I just need the next step and the next step is something I can do I'm an expert at figuring out the next step I always know the next step for example the car window my car you know it's been like doing this weird thing where it goes up and down up and down up and down and then you know my son rolled it down and it went down and wouldn't come back up.
Nicole:Normally this would just be like oh fuck because it's a Volvo and like every time something goes wrong with these cars it's very expensive and when I've already been dealing with a number of $1,000 plus expenses in a very short period of time this could feel like the final straw and the old me would have been like fuck my life you know this is too much I can't catch a break why is this happening I can't do it you know I probably would have just cried but the new me is like, alright. The car window is broken. And, yes, you know, it felt shitty in my body, and I allowed that feeling to to be there. But I asked very logical questions like, Can I put this off? Maybe I don't need the window now, but no, I definitely need that window because I live in Manoa, a part of Hawaii which is in a valley where it rains literally every day.
Nicole:And we don't have, like, a covered garage where I can pull my car in, so that is not, you know, doable. I can't just leave my window broken. So I said, okay, well, can I fix it myself? That's the next step, right? Can I fix it myself?
Nicole:Let's see. I checked YouTube, did some tutorials, tried a few things, didn't work. Okay, next step. Call some shops not the Volvo dealership because they're too expensive so I tried some smaller less expensive shops that would work on luxury cars got a quote okay $1,500 okay now I got things moving right and what does the $1,500 bring up brings up all this shit I'm fucking pissed I'm frustrated this sucks okay got the feelings allow them take care of them it's okay Nicole we've done hard things this is just something that happens when you have this luxury car and it's gonna be okay and I got you we will make the money it will be fine we're gonna take care of you because you need this car and we're gonna figure it out you're not alone So I would support myself through this right? And then next step order the part done.
Nicole:Set it up done. Handle it done. Move on. Okay so now the car is taken care of. I literally don't have a new window but in my brain I put that to bed.
Nicole:It's done. It's already set. I put down the deposit. I'm just waiting for them to call me to tell me when the part comes in so they can fix the stupid window. So my process it's become like next step step next step.
Nicole:I don't need to know how everything is going to work out I'm not making a whole poor me story about it I don't need to solve the next six months today I don't need to make this circumstance mean anything about me I just need to ask what is actually true right now? Windows broken! Okay, what's the next step? And then just take it take the next step. This is kind of the growth that's been happening with me this year because I'm learning that even though something difficult is going on, it doesn't mean that my life is messed up.
Nicole:It doesn't mean that my life sucks. Right? There's a difference. You can have a hard day and that doesn't mean that you're failing. I can have a I can overdraw my bank account and that doesn't mean that I suck or that I'm not enough.
Nicole:I can have a $1,500 car repair and that doesn't mean that my whole life is falling apart. I can have uncertainty and that doesn't mean that I am unsafe because I create this safety within myself. I can have a problem an issue about whatever, but that doesn't mean that I am the problem. This is the way that I've changed how I feel about life and the way that I view life and how I move through life. It's what internal safety actually looks like.
Nicole:And for a long long time I thought that I would feel safe when my external circumstances changed. When my external circumstances created safety. When we had a huge chunk of money in our bank account, one that I decided was safe enough, and steady money coming in. That's when I would feel safe, when the house was finished, when the business was working and steady, when everyone was healthy, when there were not unexpected bills, when we could take vacations again, when everything was handled and easy and we were in this nice routine and there was stability. But life doesn't work out that way.
Nicole:For me, my life kind of looks perfect from the outside but it's not. For anyone out there, none of our lives are working out that way. There's always going to be something. If that's the case, why am I going to wait for life to become stable before I get to feel safe? Why am I going to wait when I can create safety right now, right here, inside of me?
Nicole:What if creating that safety inside of me is the answer to the perfect life, to feeling good, to feeling safe, to being happy? What if I can say to myself I'm here for you, you're not alone, I'm not leaving you when I feel unsafe? What if I can tell myself I'm going to take care of you, we're going to figure out the next step together. You don't have to figure it all out right now. You're allowed to feel scared.
Nicole:Of course you feel scared. Of course you feel overwhelmed. But you're still loved. You're still supported. I'm always here for you and you are okay.
Nicole:I'm so fucking proud of you. And the more I do this, and I do actually do this, I'm not even joking, I say it out loud to myself in the car when I'm driving, when I start to feel freaked out. I talk myself up. I become the mom that I need to talk to me to myself. I talk it.
Nicole:I say it out loud. I hear it. I feel it. I go through this process over and over and over again. And here's the funny thing that I've also started doing is I've allowed other people to support me too and this is something that was so hard for me like I couldn't let other people in because I felt like everything was on me and I didn't want to burden other people with my complaining.
Nicole:Didn't feel safe leaning on others because I didn't want to be a burden. And now, since I've been supporting myself, I've also somehow allowed other people to be there for me. I've been allowing other people in and allowing them to care for me. I've allowed other people, my husband, my sister, my friends to support me. And when they offer care or support, I really let it land.
Nicole:I sit there, I feel it, it feels so good. I'm like, Oh, you would give me this loan? I'm never actually going to take that money from you but thank you so much for offering it. It feels so good to feel supported and cared for and all of that. You know, you start to really ground myself to this belief, this new belief that I'm never alone, that I'm always supported, that I'm safe.
Nicole:Maybe that's what this season is actually teaching me. And I don't know if I would have learned any of this if things had gone perfectly easy and smoothly this year. If we had all the money we needed, if I never overdrew my bank account, if the house finished on time, if nothing ever broke or leaked or got messed up, if there weren't so many insane huge expenses, if my business path had been perfect, easy, if our businesses had even carried on the same trajectory that they had previous years instead of clunking down. If everything just worked, I would probably still be attaching my worth to money. I might still be in that need to work hard, need to work more, need to work, work, work more harder, it's all on me path.
Nicole:Would probably still be associating safety outside of me instead of knowing how to create it internally. So, yeah, this year has been tough and even as I'm talking, because this is the most I've talked this week, my mouth hurts because this stupid I have a huge bump inside of my lip from scar tissue or something where my tooth went through my lip and it still hurts. It hurts actually to talk, but I'm not letting that define me. Right? I'm not letting it stop me from doing the things that I want.
Nicole:And I actually feel grateful for all of this that's happened. For, you know, the hardship that was this year. Because I've said this before but I honestly believe that some of our most difficult seasons the ones that make you feel like giving up Those are the times of the most growth because we're shedding things old beliefs, old patterns, old layers, old ways of operating, old identities. We're becoming someone new, a bigger, more expanded versions of ourselves. That process is never comfortable.
Nicole:Think about a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The butterfly doesn't come out of its cocoon immediately knowing how to fly. Right? You've If ever seen this, you have kids, you've probably seen it. I've seen it a lot lately because my kids used to like to raise butterflies.
Nicole:But the butterfly comes out fragile and wet and, you know crumbled up it can't fly it can barely walk if its wings like touch too much they get stuck together and messed up and they could die you cannot rush the process of this butterfly drying out its wings and being able to fly it. It literally has to sit there and wait and take in the new world, take in this new experience, and you can tell it's like what the fuck is going on? It's unstable, it has to stay still and dry off. Its wings need to harden, needs to strengthen, it needs to adjust, it needs to become familiar with this new version of itself because it was a caterpillar. It was crawling around on a leaf.
Nicole:It didn't like have any idea that this was even possible. But eventually after a few hours of rest and you know self trust and trusting the process it starts to feel safe. It starts to feel capable. It starts to trust it self. It attempts to fly and it never flies well at first.
Nicole:It takes a while for it to actually get airborne. I think sometimes we expect ourselves to be able to do the same thing, to come out of this cocoon and be like 'let's fucking go!' You don't come out that way. You're going through a big change, a big expansion, you're becoming this new version of yourself and you have to give yourself time to adjust, to strengthen, to create the safety and trust within ourselves. Happens a lot of times, it's like you'll say to yourself what the fuck are you doing? You should have this figured out by now!
Nicole:This isn't working! Why am I still doing this? Why am I stuck? Why am I uncomfortable? Why is this so hard?
Nicole:I should know better by now. But that is like the butterfly coming out and saying all that shit to itself, which is not true because maybe it can't be rushed maybe the timing is perfect maybe you're becoming right now and this unstable period is part of the process you can't rush it and if you're in this tough season right now I want you to try something the next time you know something happens that sends you into panic or fear whatever where it's this feeling of like this is just too much why is this happening to me I can't handle this pause just take a minute and separate what's going on the actual circumstance from the story that you're giving it what actually happened That's just information. Okay? Like, this happened. The fucking bank account overdue.
Nicole:Okay, information. Now, what am I making it mean? That I suck, that I should know better, that I need to work harder. Is that true? No.
Nicole:But it feels true. Okay, notice that. What am I feeling? Panic, fear, stress, worry, anxiety? Where is that in my body?
Nicole:In my stomach? In my face? In my throat? In my skin? Can I allow that feeling to be there?
Nicole:Well, I don't want to. I want to get to work. Nope. I'm not going to do that. I'm going allow this to be here.
Nicole:I'm going to feel it. I'm going to take care of it. I'm going to sit on my bed, take a deep breath and allow it to be there. I'm going to tell myself it's safe to be there. I'm going to notice what's underneath the feeling.
Nicole:You know? What's underneath the fear? Oh, it's this belief I don't matter, I'm not enough, I'm bad. Is it true? No!
Nicole:Think about yourself as that little girl who's thinking that. No she doesn't deserve to feel that so I'm going to take care of her I'm going to support her I'm going to love her through this tough time because she needs it now this process of doing this and seeing a different perspective and creating a new story and then remembering the butterfly. If you're going through a big change, you know you just got out of the cocoon and you're finding your way and you're adjusting and you're strengthening, you can't rush the process. You have to support yourself through it. All you can do is ask what's the next best step?
Nicole:That should be simple. The next best step is to take a minute to process this feeling. The next best step is to do this one thing. I'm not asking for the solution to the next six months or to your entire life just one step and then take it. Our goal isn't to create this life where nothing goes wrong because that is life there's always going to be shit that goes wrong the goal is to create safety inside ourselves so that we can become someone who knows whatever happens no matter what happens I'm going to be here for myself I got you Now when you know you can support yourself through whatever life brings and you're not looking outside for that support and waiting for things to become perfect externally before you can feel safe and grounded that's when your life can be chaotic and you can still be okay.
Nicole:You can still feel loved, you can still feel supported, you can still trust yourself to be there for yourself and you can still move forward one step at a time. That's what I think I've learned from this season of life. And I hope that you can take some of that knowledge with you and apply it to your life. And know that if shit is hitting the fan, that you can handle it. And that maybe you're that butterfly that just got out of the cocoon and it's okay.
Nicole:It's okay that you're not ready. Your wings are still drying, your timing is perfect, everything is working out in the way that it is supposed to and you are going to support yourself through the time where you feel fragile where things feel hard and that is the process of creating safety within yourself. Alright guys, so that was longer than I thought it was gonna be but I hope you found that helpful and I will see you again next week. Bye for now!