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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Fallon: All right.
Hello everybody.
Abby and I are here today and we're so.
Excited and looking forward to
getting deep on all the ways in
which we give our power away, and
ways that you may not even consider
that you're giving your power away.
And the ways that we can pull that
power back into ourselves and really
remember that we are the center.
We have the intuitive knowing.
We hold our own power and we get
to really consciously decide on.
Where we move that energy and then
what we get to receive from that.
So welcome.
Hi
Abby: Abby.
Welcome.
Oh, hi
So happy to be back here in
Southern California today and
got enough sleep last night ish.
So here we are.
Fallon: So slept with the
full moon cuz I did not.
Abby: Yeah, it was a, I had a hard time
falling asleep last night, but I was also
so tired from getting no sleep really.
The night before that.
I think my body was just like, we need it.
We gotta, we're doing it.
We gotta rebel . Oh my gosh.
Also, and I think you saw that I
posted, um, In my stories, but there
are literally crystals like lining
every window of this house, and I'm
like, it feels like the, you can
feel the energy feels different here.
It feels like a, like a nice little oasis.
So I think that has also been helping.
Is
Fallon: this an Airbnb super host?
Because if not she should be with
Abby: Crystals?
No.
Well, this is not through Airbnb.
It's through, oh.
Um, yeah, it's through kind of
like a private network thing, but.
, but yeah, she, she even has those
little e m f, you know, things
that you plug into the walls
with the little crystals in them.
Jameson's, like, what are these?
I was like, oh,
Fallon: let me tell you about these.
Let me, let me, lemme
school you out, babe.
, welcome to my world.
I got this . Right.
So you're the best energy to do
a recording right now to Yes.
Forecast
Abby: well and the whole.
Reason I think this, this idea occurred
for both of us to talk about the ways
we give our power away is because
today is, I think, officially the
last day of the landscape portal.
Is that right?
Yes.
Yes.
I think today is the last day.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Ish.
Yeah.
But again, this is kind of what we're
gonna be talking about , because
goes, and we may have said this
before on a previous podcast, I can't
remember, but just talking about how.
It can be and feel very easy to get sucked
into, especially in the Instagram world.
Um, if you are in the spiritual realm
at all, to get just pulled into all
of the astrology, all of the days
when it's like, oh my God, it's
like 5, 5 11, or 5, 5 5 or whatever.
It's like the best day to
manifest and do whatever.
And specifically like
Lionsgate, which we're in right.
Is known for being like
a pretty powerful portal.
And yet what I've been feeling this whole
time is I don't wanna do any of that.
I don't wanna do, and that's also
kind of the phase of, I think just
these past couple months, weeks and
months of just being in planning mode,
being in very, you know, physical
reality of planning wedding stuff.
But, um, yeah, I've been.
feeling, definitely a resistance to
wanting, like, to receiving any of that
in like social media or in like, anything
that tells me that I need to do something.
It's like the, the inner rebel is
like, no, I'm not gonna do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fallon: Well, and you know, we've talked
about this quite a bit and it's something
I've been feeling for quite some time.
Um, I remember in.
Even just like the power, positive
thinking and all of these things, I, I
remember, I don't know, a couple years ago
or a year, I, whatever time, what is time?
We don't know . But at some point in
my journey of being on the spiritual
path for most of my life, um, I
was like, but I wanna feel what I'm
feeling and not make that mean that I
can't manifest what I desire or that
I have to be so high vibe, right?
Mm-hmm.
. And then also, you know, you and I have
talked about this as well, is why we're
talking about it here, is I love astrology
and I love how it can support us.
But there's a very fine line of
putting our power into a full moon
or a new moon, or a portal or a gate.
Mm-hmm.
in a way that's like, okay, this
is gonna be the thing that does
the thing to get me the thing.
Mm-hmm.
and reality.
None of that's true.
Sure.
The energies are here to support
us and, and reveal to us what
we need, but we've got to be the
ones that are willing to look.
We've got to be the ones that are willing
to turn around and face ourselves and go
into our hearts, into our subconscious
patterns, into the, the ways that
we operate in our life, who we're
being and what we make things mean.
Mm-hmm.
. And so if we're always just relying
on these quote unquote portals
for li for something to save.
Mm-hmm.
, and we are not actually living
from our true, authentic, powerful
selves because we are so powerful.
We can, man, I mean, I have manifested
incredible things this last year.
And I don't know that any of
them were delivered during
any sort of special portal.
Right, right.
And one of my favorite posts of yours,
which came through just you and I, voice
memoing back and forth as we do mm-hmm.
because we just adore each
other and keep in touch.
Um, yeah, I mean, I don't wanna
say it cuz it's your post, but
I posted it again the other day
during this quote unquote portal.
And not to minimize it like the portal
and people that really love that, but, mm.
, but also like if you wanna share what
you wrote, I think it's really powerful.
Abby: I mean, I think the gist
of it is that just every day
as a motherfucking portal,
Fallon: motherfucking portal.
Daily.
Daily, yeah.
Abby: Like, and like anytime that you
choose and you decide and you have the
energy like in your body, in your knowing
that like these are the things that you
wanna be doing, saying acting, being.
Then that's where the power comes from.
The power is not actually in the portal.
The portal is just, it can be an
amplification, but like the power
center, the source is always within you.
Yes.
And so I think, like you were
saying, we can get, so, especially
in the beginning, I think of a
spiritual journey where you're really
cultivating that relationship with.
Um, with source energy and wanting
to tap into all of the things,
you know, cuz it's so much fun.
It's fun to be like, oh my God,
it's a full moon and these are the
things that I just learned about what
a Full Moon can do and, and let's
Fallon: pull the cards and see
what the cards have to say.
And it is, it's so fun.
Absolutely.
Abby: It's fun.
Yeah.
And as long as, And that's, I guess,
where the fine line is, is when it stops
being fun and it starts feeling like work.
Like, okay, I need to do these
things in order for me to have
these other things that I want.
Because that's never, that's never
like the vibe that you're going
to really manifest anything from.
It's always starts with a certainty that
you are the one with the power within you.
You are the one who decides.
You are the one who.
You know, directing and leading the
charge and letting everything else
just assist you in that process.
Yes.
And I think that's where it can get,
you know, people can, can get it twisted
and where I have definitely in the past,
Fallon: uh, yeah, as have I, which is,
you know, we, we find our way back right
to, to more neutral ground and for me
it's, yes, we are the ones that hold
the power and, but I know my belief
is, It's such a co-creative experience.
You know, I believe that God lives
within me and we also live within God.
Right.
And being, for me, I don't know if
submissive is the right word, cuz the
energy of it doesn't feel quite right.
But for me it really is the
surrender of like God, like Right.
The conduit.
Yeah.
That life knows the way and life is God.
And that was, you know, my mantra.
I've probably said it before on
here, the last two years was.
Life is leading and life is God, and
that means leading through me, right?
Mm-hmm.
, like I can feel the energy.
That's my intuition, that's
my connection to source.
Mm-hmm.
experiencing itself as a human.
Mm-hmm.
through all of these really cool,
you know, human ways and connections.
Um, and then also in nature and
mother earth and the universe and the
cosmos, and, um, but we, we forget.
Or we're unwilling to own is
probably more accurate right now.
Mm-hmm.
, that we are really powerful
and that it is okay.
And safe to be that powerful and Exactly.
Yeah.
Abby: Well, and I, and what just came
from me of when you were talking is
the unwilling to own the power because.
That's scary because you might, you
might be afraid, you might buck it
up or something crazy's gonna happen.
Like, like taking all of that
responsibility onto yourself
instead of being able to blame
something outside of you.
Hmm.
It's like, oh shit.
Can I actually take radical ownership
over all of the things happening in my
life and when sh crazy shit happens?
Not make it mean that you fucked anything
up, or it's like all of the experiences
that come through, because life is,
we're gonna have ups and downs always.
I mean, that's just being a
human being and on this journey.
Mm-hmm.
. But it's all of the opportunities
that we get to decide how we want to
experience these things that happen.
Do we wanna see them?
Something that ruined everything,
or do you wanna see them as an
experience that showed us how we get
to show up in the world differently
than maybe we have before that?
Yeah.
Fallon: Yes.
I love that.
And it's all feedback.
Mm-hmm.
, you know mm-hmm.
, it's, it's all just
feedback and you're right.
We can't fuck it up.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, we literally can't, we just get
to decide to get to know ourselves deeper.
Mm-hmm.
. Right.
And, um, What was it?
I was listening to Abraham Hicks
this morning and I don't listen
to Abraham Hicks very often.
Um, But a client sent me, she was like,
Hey, I'm having a really great day.
Then this popped up, you
know, she's really in flow,
really in sync, and so mm-hmm.
, uh, what we're working on is really
having her anchor in the goodness
by letting her nervous system
calibrate to how good life gets to be.
And so we talk about a anchoring
in the sunshine and something that
Abraham Hicks was talking about.
Which really applies.
So.
Perfect.
Cuz we didn't know, I didn't know this
morning when I woke up, what we were
gonna be talking about today mm-hmm.
, but it was like, have you
ever met somebody when you're
like, Hey, how are you?
Oh, hey, I'm, I'm good.
I'm just really afraid of my own
power, so I'm pretty powerless.
Mm-hmm.
like, oh, and then, , you're not
gonna be like, well, let's go find
more people who are powerless.
Let's go.
Let's go find, and then, and then
that's gonna create the power.
It's like, no.
Mm-hmm.
. It's so innate and we're scared of it
because also, what are people going
to think if I fucking own my light?
Mm-hmm.
and I really turn up the amplification
and the volume to be everything I'm
I my full potential in this lifetime.
Mm-hmm.
What are my fam, I mean, I, I still
experience that, like when I'm posting,
you know, I posted about orgasms yesterday
and I was like, oh man, , what's,
what's, what's, what's happen here?
What's the fam gonna think?
You know?
Mm-hmm.
But also, but also we're
all operating that way.
Mm-hmm.
. And so if we can.
Ease our nervous system into owning
how powerful we are, instead of telling
the same old fucking broken story
that I'm afraid of my own power, or
I'm powerless, or I can't mm-hmm.
, we can actually ease ourself into
that and know that we're going to
be uncomfortable with what other
people are going to think of us.
That's, we're not gonna get rid of that.
It's, I don't think that that's
going away in this, in our lifetimes.
Right.
Maybe my daughters, maybe my
granddaughters, I don't know, but.
People are gonna think things of
me and that I'm not gonna like, and
that's gonna make me uncomfortable
cause I like to be liked.
But also, fuck, if I can step
into this innate power that's
always flowing through me, then
what does that mean for the world?
Abby: That just reminded
me, that's so good.
That just reminded me of this thing.
This is why I'm pulling this up on my
gosh, why this is this not coming up.
I screenshotted this the other day.
It says the best part of being authentic
is that there's no image to maintain.
You'll delight some and disturb
others, and none of it will
concern the truth of your being.
Fallon: Oh, delight
some of disturb others.
And it's, yeah.
Yeah.
And it's just getting really, it's
like in a workout, can you just get
comfortable in the discomfort of, of that?
And it's, it's challenging and
it's edgy, but it's so liberating.
Abby: Yeah.
It's so liberating.
Just thinking.
There's so many things that were coming
through when you were talking and Yeah.
I think we can take a
collective breath, . I know,
Fallon: I'm like, I'm trying,
I'm trying to re reconvene
Abby: them back into my head.
. Yeah.
Fallon: Well, I mean, you know,
they'll, they'll land, but what else?
I'm mean, I'm trying to think of other
ways that we could wear power and some
of you like share the comments and share.
You know, on your own Instagram feed and
tag, Abby and I, um, about the ways in
which you decide to reclaim your power.
Let's focus on the reclamation
versus where we're giving it away.
It's like you notice, okay, here,
we're pushing, we're giving it away.
I'm actually going to reclaim,
like my client right now is,
has this story as many of us do.
of being too much for people.
Yeah.
You know, and that her kind
of just vibrancy is too much.
And so she's really doing a reclamation
of that, of, you know, back into her
childhood, we're doing inner c work
of pulling that back and, and knowing
that it was really about her mother
not being able to handle the vibrancy.
And I haven't even noticed that in
my own relationship with my mother.
And my mother's amazing and I adore
her and she's incredibly spiritual.
And also sometimes I mirror back to her.
Ways that she's not in her power.
Yeah.
By owning my own, you know?
Mm-hmm.
. Yeah.
Abby: Um, I'm gonna pause here for
a moment just because we're at 1847.
There's like, the mailman next door
is like having a conversation with
somebody at the door, . Awesome.
So we will just mark that.
So the one thing that that popped up for
me, again, that was one of the things
I was gonna say earlier in response
to that is yeah, all of the ways that
we reclaim our power, and especially
as a woman, I remember hearing this
on a podcast with Abby Womack and
she was talking about, um, how women
are so, are so ingrained and praised.
By being when they're selfless.
Mm-hmm.
, and it's literally like the word
selfless, like being without a self.
Mm-hmm.
. And so no wonder we're so programmed
to look outside of ourselves for
anything, for any sort of like
validation and, you know, compliments
or praise on how smart we are, or how
pretty we are, or how good we are.
All of these different things.
Like you're working on with your client,
what does it really mean to step into,
you know, going from being selfless
to being full of yourself and, and
really appreciating that fullness?
And can you just let that land
Fallon: for a second?
Will you say that again?
?
Abby: Yeah, bing . Yeah.
Um, but yes, no.
Just this idea of being full of yourself.
Mm.
And letting that, because when
you think of that in your head,
you hear it and you're like, Ooh.
But somebody who's full of themselves,
that's like, not somebody that I
wanna be, cuz they are, they think
they're hot shit and they think that
they're better than everybody else.
I mean, I think that's the connotation
when you hear that phrase, right?
Mm-hmm.
and.
Well, what if we get to redefine what
being full of yourself actually means?
And what if it's a beautiful
thing to be and not something
to be ashamed of or afraid of?
Fallon: Well, and you can feel the energy
pivot in the way that you said it, right?
Mm-hmm.
the old paradigm of, oh, I'm being,
you're being full of yourself, or she's
so full of herself, versus what if you
were full of yourself, like mm-hmm.
, you just shifted.
You just pivoted that energy so
beautifully, which is why I was like,
can we just let that land for a minute?
Because it's so powerful.
We get to pivot our
energy wherever we decide.
. And I know for me that that was
something, you know, growing up I
was always told, there's always gonna
be somebody prettier, str, stronger,
smarter, faster, better than you.
Mm-hmm.
. And so Really, and it was in
an effort to humble me, right.
But it swung the, this swung the.
Pendulum way far back that I was so
terrified of being seen as cocky mm-hmm.
And full of myself that
I became so pleasing.
Mm-hmm.
, you know, and it's been in the last,
I don't know, long time that I've
been able to neutralize that quite a
bit, um, because it was meant well.
Mm-hmm.
it was really meant for
a, for a good reason.
And I, my little six year
old self was like, oh no.
Um, but being able to do.
Pivot, that energy pivot of like being
so full of yourself, and we already know
that when we're full, that's the overflow.
Mm-hmm.
. And when we're giving from that
overflow, it's constantly replenished.
And that mirrors back to us in
money, in our sensuality, in our
sexuality, in our friendships, in
our sisterhoods, in, in everything.
Abby: Exactly.
That's where we get to give from.
I mean, you can't give unless you're full.
Mm-hmm.
And I was just, I was just speaking
to one of my clients the other day
in a session and I'm like, how can
we, every time, like every time you
make a decision to fill yourself
to become more full, celebrate it.
Like I want to hear about.
I want to make that mental mark in
your mind of all of the times that I
chose to make me feel more full and
make me feel better so that I can do
all of these things that I wanna do.
And, and it's so, because otherwise,
I mean, your brain goes into just the,
the mode that you're, that you are most
used to being in, which is, I'm just.
Follow the same trajectories that
I normally do and do these and
make these decisions that probably
are not for my highest good.
It's maybe to put myself on the back
burner so I can serve, you know, so I can
work overwork at my job or in my household
or all of the ways that we do that.
Right.
Fallon: Yeah, because we've
made that to mean that that's
a better way of operating.
Mm-hmm.
. And you get to decide
what you make things mean.
And so what story do you wanna fight for?
Exactly.
The one that's like, I'm of my highest
service when I'm on the back burner and
everybody comes first for me, well then,
alright sister, fight for that story.
But is it actually serving you and
your loved ones and the longevity of
what you're here to really do with
your life and experience with your
life And not do in a way of like
career success or money, but like, Is
that serving who you really wanna be.
And because I can feel a lot of women
still fight for that kind of victim martyr
story because it's been so celebrated,
you know, in, in generations that we're
familiar with like our mothers and our
grandmothers and our great-grandmothers
and we're here shaken shit up.
Like actually, actually we are
so powerful as divine feminine.
And how can we, like you said earlier,
Not like pull our power back, but also
the radical responsibility that I've
played a part in all of my own shit.
Mm-hmm.
, I have played a part, so let me take
the reins and let me decide where
I'm gonna steer the ship from now on.
Because that victim, that martyr,
that playing small is really only
serving that smaller ego consciousness
that's trying to keep you in survival.
But damn, it doesn't
feel that good, does it?
Like really well.
Abby: Exactly.
And, and it's like the devil,
you know, versus the devil you.
It's, I can, I know what it's like
to feel exhausted and overwhelmed
and small and like, I'm not
living to my fullest potential.
I've already, I've learned how to
live with that kind of suffering,
but what would it be if I took
radical responsibility, if I
took radical ownership over my
life and then I failed at it?
Like, I think that's where, that's where
we can be afraid to really step into.
the highest version of yourself.
Cuz you're like, at least I know if I
stay over here, I might not be happy,
but like I know I can live like that
because I have been living like that.
I have been surviving in that way.
But if I really step out on a limb
and I fall flat, then like, what's
Fallon: that gonna be like?
Yeah.
Well, and if you step outta the limb
and you are taking responsibility
for all parts of your life mm-hmm.
, and then you have no net to,
like you said earlier, to blame.
Mm-hmm.
. It's like, let me, and it's not to
say, you know, that the things that
happened to us as a kid, you know,
I had a really, a pretty chaotic
childhood and rough childhood.
And it's not to say that those things.
You know, at times felt like setbacks.
But it is to say that who I'm deciding
to be now, I'm no longer letting that
experience define me, or I'm changing
the definition of that experience.
Mm-hmm.
. Right.
And, and one of the changes I've, I've
made, and I know that you know this
and I've probably even mentioned it
before, was that I would always say I,
I grew a very scared little girl mm-hmm.
And so it created a lot of anxiety and
chaos and, and just always anxiousness.
and I rewrote that in the
last couple years of, I grew
up a very brave little girl.
Mm-hmm.
, sure.
These, these things happened and I had
to really take care of myself at a very
young age, but damn, how brave was I?
Mm-hmm.
. And so we get, again, pulling our power
back, I'm no longer giving it away to
the childhood that I thought I should
have had or the things that I didn't get.
I'm pulling it back, being like,
okay, well how did this mold and
shape me into the woman that I am?
And let me go ahead and
rewrite that, that felt.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
. And even recently, this week, I was
telling you, rewriting the success.
Mm-hmm.
, you know?
Yeah.
Like my whole life.
It's like, ooh, I haven't had this
quote unquote, traditional success
because I've always ventured out
as an entrepreneur and I've always
kind of gone against the grain.
Mm-hmm.
. But who am I to decide
what that success is?
And if I continually put my power in
my past of like, Ooh, I didn't, I'm
not as success su successful as I
thought I was gonna be or wanted to be.
Mm-hmm.
. Well, what defines that exactly.
And I'm only defining it by traditional.
Societal pressures.
And so I'm currently rewriting the
definition of success in my body, in
my heart, in my soul, in my nervous
system, because damn, I'm actually
really successful if I look at my life
and everything that I've navigated.
And I, so we, again, that's.
Taking radical fucking responsibility.
Mm-hmm.
, and also pulling my power back to where
I'm even giving it to my past versions
of myself being like, shame, shame, Mrs.
Fallon, you didn't do, you
know, . So it's kinda a funny,
funny little game sometimes that we,
Abby: I'm just, I'm just cracking up
thinking of like, Like seeing like
little Fallon walking like in the Game of
Thrones and they're like, shame, shame.
Fallon: Shame.
I know.
Sweet little.
Abby: Well, and the, and what I, what
I wanna pull out of too, what you just
said, which I think this becomes for us,
who've been, we talk about this all the
time with each other, but letting the
listeners know that like, You get to write
that story, you get to look back at the
old stories because they are just stories.
They are just stories that we have
accepted and we have taken on, and
we have then decided to continue
acting in congruence with, and that
does not have to remain the case.
And this is what we're talking about,
taking that radical responsibility,
the radical ownership of.
This may have been the story that I've
been living to up until this point,
but who do I wanna be going forward?
What story do I wanna own going forward?
What version of myself
do I wanna step into?
What things do I really, am I
maybe afraid to acknowledge about
myself that I actually feel really
proud of, and that I wanna be more
and feel more fully expressed?
. Yeah.
So just, yeah, like we're, I mean, this
whole thing, it's like taking your power
back, not giving it away to anybody who
tells you that you need to be a certain
way, or even yourself who's told you that
you might have needed to be a certain way.
And because all of that's just stuff
that we, you know, we just take
on, you know, humans or sponges,
we take on other people's beliefs.
We take on all of the stuff around
us, you know, we're always absorb.
and processing all of this
information, and we then get to
decide what to do with all of it.
And if we wanna continue taking it
on, or if we're like, Hmm, yeah,
let's shake it up a little bit.
And
Fallon: a and a deep part of that is
that, as you mentioned, is you didn't
use this verbiage, but, but shadow work.
Mm-hmm.
, it's stopping not running from the
parts of yourself too, that you may.
Love as much.
Mm-hmm.
Or that might be, have been expressed
in, in ways that were, you know,
not healthy or didn't feel healthy.
Mm-hmm.
And so part of rewriting that story is
doing, you know, I, that's something
I used to focus on a ton, and it's
always the foundation of my work, but
I just teach it in different ways now.
But really looking at that
subconscious, unconscious self.
You know, and we get to shine the light.
Like my therapist is always like, we
just shine the light on little honey.
Mm-hmm.
, because where there's light, the
darkness is illuminated, right?
Mm-hmm.
, and it's just really simplistic, but
so powerful of really not running
from yourself either, and not giving
your power away, like you said, too.
To even yourself and the stories.
And because they are,
they are just stories.
And not to minimize
anybody's experience mm-hmm.
but also to kind of remind you that
it, it can be that simple, not easy.
So I think I would like to hear,
maybe talk about the ways in which we
have learned to pull our power back.
Like what does that look and feel
like so that people that might be
listening to this either have their
own ways and want to maybe have
new ones or have never done it.
And like, I don't even
know where to begin.
with the energetics of
that, with the how of that?
Mm-hmm.
. Um,
Abby: yeah,
one of . I'm just thinking, but
one of the things that came to
me is I like to call this process
calling bullshit on your bullshit.
Mm-hmm.
But it's when you notice a
story, like sometimes I think.
You know, you have these thoughts that
go on in your head and something happens,
but it's learning how to question it or
just hear it for the first time and then
ask yourself, okay, well, like, this is
like Byron Katie, like part of the work,
um, her process called the work, which
is asking, well, is that actually true?
Mm-hmm.
is that 100%.
because as you know, nothing is a
hundred, like nothing's 100% true.
So is there, might there be a world or a
story in which some of this might not be
fully true, and if it's not fully true,
then what else might be true about it?
Yeah.
And what might be more true and kind of
walking yourself through that process?
Yeah, because I think.
It's like the little kind of baby
stepping, and it doesn't have to be,
it's the exact opposite of what you
right now believe, but maybe it's just,
maybe that's not fully true about myself.
Maybe there's some other things
I still have yet to discover.
Yeah, and want to, because
Fallon: we don't know what we don't know.
And can I be open to know?
A different perspective, a different
truth that's available to me.
Mm-hmm.
. And so that I get to be
the writer of my life.
Mm-hmm.
, right?
Like the, I get to be the one
that's writing the script.
And I wrote a post the other day
about, we're an ongoing novel,
we're always editing ourselves.
Mm-hmm.
, but yet we're always.
Perfect where we're at, but we've gotta
always be rewriting and, and discerning.
I mean, not always, right?
We get to rest and integrate
and really become the embodiment
of the new version of us.
Um, and I really think for
me, and this is gonna be an
interesting, you know, kind of s.
well, you'll just hear, I guess.
But for me, what has really helped me is
to hire a healer, a mentor, guide a coach.
Mm-hmm.
, because they're able to see a, a more
clear view of who I'm being mm-hmm.
and can help me navigate and
write these new patterns, right?
Mm-hmm.
and so, That can be a slippery
slope if you're constantly in
courses and constantly hiring
a coach to save you, right?
Because then you're giving
your power away, right?
But there is so much power to be reclaimed
and declared when you make that first
payment to a new coach, to a new group,
to be like, I am changing who I'm being,
not because they're better than me or
they're going to save me, but because I
know that they've already walked through.
And I want to have that higher perspective
so that I can also walk through it
Abby: exactly like I'm making the
choice to, to lean on somebody for
their expertise so they can, if, you
know, show me some of these ways.
So then you can take that and.
Take that moving forward.
It's not about, you know, ending up
in some codependent relationship with
coaches and, and groups and all of
these different things because that,
yeah, like you're saying, it's just
another way of giving your power away,
but it's because the whole purpose of
coaching, it's not to be working with
somebody for the rest of their life.
It.
to show them, it's to illuminate
the ways that really, maybe they're
not seeing themselves clearly.
Yeah.
And helping them to integrate all of
the parts of themselves so that they can
take that ownership and move forward.
And so they actually don't need you.
I mean, the purpose
isn't not Not to there.
Yeah.
Not to kind of continue
on with a dependence.
It's to learn.
, you always had the power.
You might just need to be shown
some of the different ways in which
you're not seeing yourself fully.
Fallon: Yeah.
And given tools to help, to help me shed
those old stories and help you rewrite the
new ones and help you really land them.
Like another thing my client and I
were talking about, she was really
like in this space this past week.
But Fallon, I actually feel the believing,
like I feel like I can't describe it, and
I was like, because you've embodied it.
Mm-hmm.
like that, like Right.
We have embodiment practices and this
is getting a, a whole other podcast,
but we have embodiment practices to
help us integrate and then there's
actual embodiment of who you are now.
Mm-hmm.
. And it feels different.
And when you feel it and it lands,
it is some of the best tasting.
medicine and juice, and I don't even know.
It's some of the best,
it's the best feeling.
And I said it wouldn't, you wish
everybody could feel this way?
Mm-hmm.
, she was like, yes, the work works.
Mm-hmm.
like this is priceless.
And so a guide, mentor,
healer, coach, all of that.
Mm-hmm.
is really just, is walking you back home
to yourself, but also like illuminating
the path, holding you arm in arm.
Um, so that we can, like, we can all.
Find the ways in which we really
do want to operate from our own
power instead of giving it away.
Like, and something you said earlier
that I really wanted to hit on too,
I know I'm all over, but you know,
here we go, was the compliment.
That's actually a really
simple place to start.
The start.
Yeah.
Where.
Of where are you waiting for a partner
or somebody to compliment you, and where
can you start to pull that power back and
compliment yourself and see yourself or
Abby: in an, in a work environment too?
Oh, yeah.
With, um, with like bosses or coworkers,
like waiting to get complimented,
complimented on your work or to get
like, you know, complimented for doing.
So much more work or staying late
or like, you know, when you get
complimented on, it's like when people get
complimented for losing weight, you know?
Mm-hmm.
, and it's like all of the things that,
not that, not that you can't do that, but
it's like the things that we get external
feedback on that then just continues to
more deeply ingrain hurtful behaviors.
It
Fallon: does.
Yeah.
And I noticed, you know, I'm in.
New dating, dating somebody new.
And I really haven't been dating anybody.
And one thing I noticed, um,
in the beginning was he didn't
give me a lot of compliments.
And I mean, now he's
very complimentary, but.
But I watched my patterns and what
I realized was that was less of
a love language for me and more
of what my little girl needed.
Mm-hmm.
and because I actually was okay.
I was like, it's interesting he's not
complimenting me, but it, it doesn't
mean anything about my beauty Yeah.
Or about who I'm being.
And so I really noticed how
much I have healed mm-hmm.
because the desire, the deep desire
to have somebody fucking see me.
Mm-hmm.
right.
And first see me for my outer beauty.
Because that's always
like the way in, right?
Like, oh, you're beautiful,
or, you know, whatever.
And I didn't.
And because he wasn't complimenting
me, I noticed how much I didn't
actually need it, because I've
given it to myself so much.
Exactly.
And I realized it was a, it wasn't a
love lang, an authentic love language.
It was.
What my little self needed.
And so that's some of the power pulling,
like some, the power of pulling your
power back is that like you notice
like, oh, I actually didn't need this
the way that I thought I did and the
way that I did in past relationships.
That was from my wounded self, not
from my authentic, powerful self.
You know?
And, and you get to do that, like
you said, and work as well in career.
Abby: Well, and, and I think what we
can maybe wrap up on is, is ending with
a question, maybe a journal prompt of
what are all the ways that you've been
looking to others to validate yourself and
what, like what, what are the ways that
you can start giving to yourself today
that maybe you've depended on others?
Four.
Fallon: Yeah.
And waiting for that.
Mm-hmm.
before you can feel.
. Exactly.
Maybe giving yourself some, you know,
a, a paragraph of, I see myself, I see
here who I'm being, what I'm doing, all
of that, and, and letting it be enough.
Mm-hmm.
just for, just for even three breaths.
Let it just be enough.
Mm-hmm.
.
Abby: Yeah,
Fallon: exactly.
Well, as always, . This is amazing.
Abby: always.
Yes.
And I think we, as we were both, as
I was listening to you talk about
embodiment at the end, I was like, Ooh,
this feels like maybe the next episode.
Podcast topic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Feels like the next episode.
Fallon: like, can't now
I'm gonna sing the song.
Abby: I know.
Me too . I just heard it.
I heard the little, the front like
starting line just go in my head.
Fallon: Oh, that.
That's letting people know how old we are.
It's beautiful.
Abby: You know what?
We love it.
Fallon: We do love it, and I love you.
And I love we love you, our listeners.
And so drop in the comments.
Tag us in your stories.
Let us know where you're at.
Abby: Yeah, let us know where you're at.
Let us know what came up for you or
let us know what ways that you're
gonna start celebrating your all of the
small ways that you choose yourself.
Reclaiming in little choices each day.
Yeah,
Fallon: it all adds up.
I mean, we are testaments to that.
We are testaments too.
It all adds up.
So yes.
Beautiful.
Will join us next week for embodiment,
Abby: All right.
Talk to you soon.