Andrea (00:00)
Hey everyone, I'm really excited to dive into this episode. Before we do, I want to share a little bit about what I'm doing here today. So I'm going to be narrating my brain spotting session that I had about a week or two ago with Jess Parente. And there are portions in this that I'm
very quiet. And so for that, and it goes on for a while, like she'll have me hold an eye position and I'm holding an eye position and processing internally for quite a long time, like five, 10, 15 minutes. And so I don't want you all to have to sit through like 15 minutes of silence. That's kind of awkward. so what I'm doing is I'm narrating, I'm listening,
on 1.5 speed and then I'm going to be narrating some of these moments and I'll and I probably won't even remember everything that was going on internally at this point just because it's been about 10 days but also I will tell you guys that with this experience I remember a lot of it it's not that I it's just that so I processed so much over that hour and so quickly
that it can be hard to remember every single little thing in general, right? Like a lot of it, my subconscious is taking care of. And so I'm going to share with you the things that I remember. This session was very vulnerable for me. I wasn't 100 % sure where the session was gonna go, where my subconscious was going to take me and what it was gonna want to process.
And so there are some things in here that are pretty vulnerable, but that was the whole point of me sharing it is that I wanted to show you all firsthand that vulnerable things can come up and you can work through them, right? Like it doesn't scaling and processing and remembering things and integrating them doesn't have to always be so scary or traumatizing.
And so this is like, that's the whole point of me sharing this brain spotting session with you is I'm really excited to give you a firsthand look at whether you're watching on YouTube, which if you're listening and you want to actually see what was happening, the YouTube link is going to also be linked in the show notes. I highly encourage you go scope it out at least a few minutes of it. If this is something that's really fascinating to you or you're trying to figure out.
you know, how you can dig deeper in your healing, but maybe you're nervous or scared of what's going to come up. I encourage you to go like watch it visually as well. So anyway, let's dive in you guys. I'm so excited to be bringing this to you. I'm also so grateful to Jess to be willing to let me bring it to you because that's also vulnerable for her as a practitioner, right?
very private things that she does with people be so public. And so this is like a beautiful gift that we're giving you guys and I'm so excited. And please share this episode with people who need to hear it. Please, I want us to get the word out that healing doesn't always have to be scary. Now, sometimes it is and sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's, you you'll hear in the session some things that she says, but it doesn't always have to be that way. It's not always that way.
So let's dive right in.
All righty.
Jess (03:30)
Okay, so I'll give my little try to be a short little spiel before we get started. So that hopefully we can be both be nice and centered. The thing about brain spotting is there's no right way to do it and there's no wrong way to do it. So a lot of people will have a part of them show up saying like, am I doing this right? Or nothing's coming up or I'm not thinking of anything and that is completely okay. This is about you trusting your own processing. So there might be laws of like minutes where nothing is said at all. I'm going to try to be as quiet as possible, but I feel like if they're intuitively is something that I could say to help like butt tap you forward, I will say it.
How you would like to process is completely up to you. So what I mean by that is when I process and when I'm, decide on a point that I'm working with, I talk out loud a lot, but I also go back to the body. I'll say, I'm feeling this and here, here and here. I'll process and I'll do kind of like lean into the meditation on the spot. And then I'll say like, now this word keeps coming up or I'm thinking about this. I have a lot of my own processing that takes me back to my childhood bedroom. So whatever comes up in terms of like flashes that your subconscious gives you, it's all purposeful, even if it doesn't make sense. So the talking for me helps to kind of
put the story together at the end. But as I told you in our offline conversation, I've brainstormed people and they've not said a single word. They processed and blinked on the spot where we chose the entire time and it's still working. And it's about trusting that it's still working.
Andrea (04:38)
Yeah, so when I did EMDR, there was really not a lot of talking like I was internally just like, and she'd like, how about now and I'm like a little more or you know what mean? Like, So I totally hear what you're saying. I
Jess (04:47)
So the goal, because there really is no goal or agenda, but if we had one is we don't want the feelings that you're having in your body, we want to give them as much time and space to process out or shift or change or move into another part of your body as it needs to. So I know sometimes this is only speaking from other people's experiences with EMDR feeling like they're trying to neutralize it really quick and regulate really quick. And I just invite you to your body to do whatever it needs to do. And so I talk a lot too about like, I'll say I was like my, can tell that like my legs shaking or my arms feel like they want to do this. And this helps me to
put together the whole picture, right? And anytime something comes up for you, I'm just gonna say, keep going. And so what that means is like, then the next thought that pops up or the next sensation, and then always kind of taking it back to the body. What are you noticing in your body as these things are coming up? There's nothing that's accidental, any stomach gurgle, twitch, eye dryness, mouth dryness, tension, fidgetiness, my body, can tell my legs are wrapped around themselves or none of that is by accident. And so it's just about you noticing. I know you're super self-aware, so I'm not really worried about it.
Andrea (05:42)
Okay, cool. then is it okay? Like right now I'm sitting with my legs crossed because it's comfortable on my chair?
Jess (05:46)
Yeah, see again, there's nothing that is okay or not. Okay, it's whatever is right for you So do you have any other questions before we?
Andrea (05:52)
Yes, and more just for people listening because if they listen to like the episode before like can you just in a couple of sentences explain what brain spotting is like how like what I mean doing today.
Jess (06:01)
Yeah. So, bright spotting is a, in so many, I'm trying to make it as concise as possible. Similar to EMDR, it is a deeply somatic healing modality that allows us access to where trauma is stored in the subconscious. So in the deeper parts of the brain and in the body. And so what I'm going to be doing with Andrea is helping her to identify where her eye positioning, where you look affects how you feel. So there will be eye positions and body messages because our bodies reflex past our thinking brain.
So when she's talking about something that is bothering her, when she decides what she wants to work on today, her body's gonna be giving me all sorts of signs and signals. And because I'm a little bit of a witch, I will pay attention to that. And then I will help Andrea to recognize that in herself, which will lead her to her own healing. Once we decide an eye position, or we can work with multiple spots, we can work with a gaze spot, so wherever she looks naturally, or we can use, I have a little fancy magic wand like her my knee, we can use that as well. And so by the process of doing that, we're allowing where this is stuck in the lower levels of our brain to just get some attention and for the knots to start to untie.
And then the knots that are associated with those knots also start to untie.
Andrea (06:58)
So when you say untie knots, what does that mean? Does that mean that we are neutralizing? Does that mean we're like unraveling things that are stuck? Like how would you, do know what I mean?
Jess (07:07)
I think how I feel in my own personal experience is that things that have been stuck in me or traumas or memories or situations that were not processed effectively because I was in flight, fight or freeze. And we don't process memories. We don't process situations when we are in a trauma response as well as we do when we're calm and connected. So I feel like in the ones, the brain-solid that I have done, it has released and reprocessed that memory in a more holistic and long-term way, which can lead to all sorts of different benefits afterwards, either feeling not as reactive, having more clarity.
releasing guilt and shame that you have been putting on yourself that was actually didn't belong to you. People have all sorts of different shifts afterwards. brain-smart migraines and those go away. Nightmares, those also can neutralize or when you have them, you're not as viscerally impacted.
Andrea (07:49)
I
think integrating it to where it's not this weapon working against you.
Jess (07:53)
Yes, it's right.
not that the things that still come up memories that are troubling to me don't make me sad or angry or irritated in some way. It's just I'm not consumed by it. That's that is how I have felt in my brain swatting journey. Alright girl.
Andrea (08:00)
Yeah.
Okay, cool. All right. Okay,
so one other thing though, because you said the music, is there a specific song or is it just this whole playlist?
Jess (08:10)
That's whole playlist just started at one make sure it will repeat through the album and then it's not going to shuffle because sometimes we can use the music there is one song on there that drives me fucking nuts and every time I can feel activation like in my chest and I use that like I use the connection to my body and I use the song to help me process even deeper so the music can be really and it's binaural right so there's some Effect that it has by the way it's going to one side of the brain and then to the other to further with the integration help with the integration But I brain saw people without it and it works just as well. So it's just something that people can use if they want to ask
Andrea (08:36)
Cool.
Okay. So how do make sure it's not on shuffle?
Jess (08:38)
So the little Chris car you on Spotify Yeah, so that as long as a little crisscross next to the big Play button is not lit up green. It should be okay.
Andrea (08:40)
Yes, I am.
Okay, and how loud do you want me to play this?
Jess (08:48)
You can play it so it's like barely audible. That's your comfort level. Like I play it so it's like barely audible and it's still the one song still drives me nuts. There's something about it. And it will be really, really low to begin with, like low tones.
Andrea (08:58)
Okay. All right. Well, if I have to adjust it, guess I can't. All right.
Jess (09:03)
Get yourself
cozy, get yourself comfy. We just start, let's take a few deep breaths in through your nose, hold. Out through your mouth. Do a couple rounds and allow yourself to kind of sink in your chair.
what you notice in your body before we already start. Are we holding tension anywhere? Is our mind racy? Does our belly feel sinky? What are our arms doing? Our shoulders? So just draw awareness. That's why I we put the Barbie doll head back on the Barbie doll.
And then I'm just going to ask a general question and whatever comes up, we distrust that that's our starting point. What do you want to focus on today? Or what is something that you have been struggling with that you want to release? And then we'll go from there.
Andrea (09:32)
So it actually came up last night and it comes up frequently when I'm having my bouts of insomnia. My bladder is very activated and it almost kind of feels like not pain pain, but like a little bit like a UT. Like it's like this urgent urination thing. And my lower abdomen feels really full of pressure. And it's really when I have insomnia. like last night it kept me awake for like an hour. Like this discomfort. And this has been like a part of how I experience
Jess (09:47)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea (09:58)
my insomnia and last night I was like, I'm gonna work on that. We're gonna start with that because it's in my ass.
Jess (10:05)
Yeah. What are you noticing in your body or going on in your body as you talk about that, about the annoyance of your bladder?
Andrea (10:10)
Well, my stomach has been activated since I anticipate like since we got on my stomach always talks to me. Like it's the thing that talks to me probably the most. Yeah. That and like I do a lot of jaw clenching. So, but I'm not right now, but so it was like kind of a little bit activated earlier and then we were breathing and it kind of calmed down. Definitely is like, I don't know how describe it, but it doesn't feel full, but it just is, it's just like, I can feel a lot of energy there.
Jess (10:29)
Okay. Did you notice that when you were first talking about it, your eyes were going up into your right a lot? Yep. Up there. So why don't you just hold them up there and hold your gaze up there and give it a couple of seconds. Almost like allow your body to catch up and see what you notice going on in your body as you process. Okay. So you also had one in the other direction. So why don't we just go over there and we see what you feel. Okay. And so give it a couple of seconds. And so on the right, we felt stomach gurgling on the left to see what you notice over there.
Andrea (10:41)
My stomach is talking to me a lot.
Like in the left? Yep.
it's not stomach gurgling, it's just like this energy. It's like this, like my stomach's actually getting bigger, like it's getting fuller and rounder, right?
Jess (11:01)
on
the on the left side too.
Andrea (11:02)
it's not as activated this way.
It's way more activated looking this way.
Jess (11:06)
Okay, so we have two gaze spots that have shown themselves. Do you want to use the pointer and just see what comes up? Sure. Okay. So see where your body's at right now. And I'm going to go back and forth across the screen a few times. So just follow with your eyes. And every time you notice something shift in your body, anything come up, just say the word there. And then I'll also be looking for clues. Okay. So we'll start on this side.
there. Okay, so there's something here.
Andrea (11:23)
there.
Jess (11:23)
Okay, so we had a couple here, here, here, here, around here, and around here. So there's five across the screen and then you have two gaze spots. Which one felt the most activating?
Andrea (11:26)
Yeah.
of what you showed me or what I did.
Jess (11:35)
Well, your eyes already answered and it was up into your right. So why don't we start there? And then we have all these other ones that when that one feels resolved, if it does in the entire, we could use one the entire time, but just to show this is how many activation or access points we could use. And they're probably in some way all connected. So why don't we go up to your right? And I know it's weird not to look at the screen when you're talking to someone, but just keeping your eyes and holding it there and allowing your body to sink into your processing. And you don't have to look at me and we're just going to see where it goes.
Andrea (11:38)
Yes, that's right.
Mm-hmm
Okay, so you want me look back up there? Okay.
Jess (12:03)
And we're just gonna see what your body wants to tell us and what you're noticing.
Andrea (12:06)
Well, already think I know anyway, I think I already know what this is connected to.
Jess (12:10)
So do you notice in your body?
Andrea (12:11)
just my stomach is like very
How do I describe it? It just feels like there's a lot of like energy and tension moving around in it, but it's slow and it's like thick and it's like sloggy kind of.
Jess (12:21)
Does it have a color?
Andrea (12:21)
guess about how to color it might be. I'm going turn this down.
Okay. You know how like when they flush the oil out of your car and it's metallic gray like that, but it would be even thicker.
Jess (12:34)
So just pay attention to wear that thick metallic gray, how much of your belly that's taking up. And if it helps, can just put your hand, a rest your hand on your belly to further connect to it. And we're just going to see where your processing wants to go for.
Andrea (12:44)
I
mean, it's filling my whole belly. goes from like my, my, whatever this bone is here, what does that mean? All the way to here.
Jess (12:50)
So we're just gonna listen to it. And just notice that you're blinking a lot, which means that we're in the lower levels of the brain. We're processing, blinking is processing. And we're just gonna see where it goes next.
Andrea (12:57)
Is it, I am having a hard time focusing on my body hearing this music.
Jess (13:01)
You can turn it off. Well, there is no such thing as normal. It's like there's no such thing as right or wrong. If you don't want to use the music, that's fine because it can be a bit distracting. You can either.
Andrea (13:07)
Okay. I'm going
turn it off. All right.
Jess (13:11)
Yeah, that's okay.
Andrea (13:12)
trying to remember what came up. I'm going to wait to hear some of our conversation. It's like my stomach's building up with something is how it feels.
Jess (13:20)
Good, Andrew, keep following that.
Andrea (13:21)
I think at this point I was just searching around, like my mind was just kind of searching around. There was like a slew of images and I was trying to make sense of the somatic feeling in my body.
I feel frustrated that I don't know what it is.
Yeah, this is where all those different images were just kind of flooding through my mind and I was like searching internally for why my belly gets like this.
So this whole time you guys, my eyes are like this. And I'm just sitting there, you can't see it in the video because it's focusing on Jess's, you know, the noise led to the video showing Jess, but I had my hands on my belly and just had my eyes up to the right the whole time. So when she asked the question, at what age did you start feeling this? Like meaning in my tummy.
I remember there. So I moved a lot growing up you guys. So I had a couple of rooms that were very pivotal for me.
around the same age because we moved so many times within just like two, three years, right around the couple of years. And so my brain like cognitively started picturing different rooms. I spent a lot of time
in my room. That's not true. Like what I mean by that is a lot of my trauma happened at night. And so when I picture, when I go back,
I always picture the rooms, right? So when she asked me my age, my brain started going to a couple of different bedrooms that I had had had around that kind of timeframe and that age, that kind of age, you know, or whatever, that age bracket. That's not what I was gonna say, but around that age, right? Around maybe like seven, eight, nine. So just so you guys kind of have some context.
In my mind during this session, didn't say the words out loud, but I've been doing more processing around my sexual abuse. So I've had a lot of trauma in my life, you guys, but one of the biggest pieces to my healing over the last two years has been uncovering that I was abused by my father and even trafficked by him.
but mostly abused by him. My whole life I didn't know that until about like two years ago, maybe a year and a half, two years ago when I had like a somatic memory come up and I was working with like an OT, not OT, PT and we were doing some exercises to strengthen my back and my traps.
and he had had my wrists over my head to create resistance, like harmless. And as I was pulled, he told me to pull down and as I was pulling down, I got this like, this immediate somatic memory. So nothing visual, but I was like, and I started crying and I was like, my gosh, like my hands have, my hands and my wrists have been in this position before. This feels very familiar.
And then I like just got this, and you guys, I'm a gut instinct processor. So a lot of times it's part of my gifting. Like I just get a deep knowing about things and it's like, I know that this is the information. So like, I knew it was from around a certain age and I just like got this feeling that my dad had to do with it. And so from there, I started doing some investigating work for myself. And what I mean by that is like,
working with my subconscious. Like you guys have to remember that I have a lot of experience, right? I'm not like, I'm not just a person who like is starting a healing journey. Like I've have training, I have this, I, so I like, I know how to kind of ask myself questions and just like listen to my body. And I got, I definitely got some answers and then slowly but surely little bits of visuals over the last two years have been coming up for me.
memories and visuals and things of that and I always kind of had a feeling that I was sexually abused. I never thought it was my dad. I did when I was pregnant have a dream that really freaked me out about my dad and I think that that was like a clue because a lot of women who have had abuse but don't remember it
it comes up actually during pregnancy and delivery, which makes sense, right? These organs, right? And our vagina and these things. But that was it, that's all that came up. And I did experience my first bout of insomnia where I was waking up in the middle of the night during my pregnancy. And I think it was definitely some hormones, but also...
Knowing all the things that I know now about how I was woken up in the middle of the night frequently in my childhood to be abused and things like that, like I really think that that was also a piece of it while I was pregnant. So it was like my body was talking to me about these things. So anyway, that's really just putting some things into context for you guys that my brain was searching for, when she asked the age, my brain was searching for bedrooms.
And I definitely saw a couple of scenes, right? Or things that had happened to me. But it was like, that's not quite it. That's not quite it. Like my brain was sorting through visual things and kind of going, that's not it. That's not it. Like my subconscious, that's not it. That's not it. So that is what was happening in this process in this moment is that it was sorting through to like find the thing. Okay. I'm gonna unpause now.
Jess (18:53)
What do you notice is happening within your mind and body now?
Andrea (18:55)
My stomach's calming down a little bit.
And I'm just like, my brain is searching for, well, when did this start? mean, I ask myself questions like that all the time.
Jess (19:03)
You're asking the right questions. Just going to let your higher self guide you and the body guide you.
It's not always the cognitive answer either. It's the gut response. So maybe if I ask you at what age did this first start and just let your mind wander a bit, but the gut response usually means something, even if it doesn't make sense.
Andrea (19:18)
I think age eight, because I've thought about a couple of different numbers, but when I say eight, my stomach feels, gets more like more pressure.
Jess (19:24)
So just follow that. Page eight. And we're just going to see where goes.
Andrea (19:28)
My stomach keeps marmering.
Jess (19:29)
Just lean into it, notice it. We're gonna see where it wants to take you.
stomach is armoring. We'll see what comes next.
Andrea (19:35)
I just keep seeing myself curled up in the fetal position as a little girl.
Jess (19:38)
But Andrea, keep following that.
Maybe also really give yourself permission to feel what that was like for younger you. lot of brain swatting is giving ourselves permission.
Andrea (19:45)
This is making me feel like I want to fall asleep. My face and eyes just feel relaxed for me, know? this feels good.
Jess (19:47)
That can happen. That's OK.
Yeah, yeah, maybe just enjoy that. Because all the sensations that we have during brain-summoning don't have to be bad.
Andrea (19:59)
So the feeling is, so I mean, I don't know for sure, but around that age, I don't know how long it lasted, but I was terrified to sleep in the dark. And I had this reoccurring nightmare. And it was just so intense for me that I would sleep with the light on. And then I would go underneath my covers because I can't fall asleep in the light.
And I'd go underneath my covers and get curled up in a ball because I was like so scared from this dream and that like it was real. And I don't know how long that went on, but it felt like it went on for a really long period of time. Like, so I see myself curled up in a ball, like in the field position with my back turned to the majority of my room, like trying to like protect myself from the whatever that, you know I mean? Like the dream, like coming to fruition.
and it was lonely because I'd take forever to fall asleep.
Jess (20:46)
What do you notice going on in your body as you break that up?
Andrea (20:48)
like anger towards my mom.
Jess (20:50)
Okay,
where do you feel anger in your body? How do you know?
Andrea (20:53)
I don't know. don't.
a little irritation in my chest. But I think if anything, it's more like this mental.
Like she popped up and I'm like, just, never felt like,
Like I'm thinking like, man, I had these nightmares and like she just didn't.
Like I have no memory of her comforting me or anything.
Like was always just fending for myself with this kind of shit.
Jess (21:09)
Andrea, your brain's making connections.
Just feel into your body where you're holding some of that and trust your processing to keep taking you forward. Let yourself feel that. Give yourself permission to dip your toe into it. For you and for that eight year old.
Andrea (21:15)
Yeah, it makes me really sad.
Jess (21:22)
Ask your gut, because I try not to lead so much, but would it be helpful to connect with that eight year old?
Andrea (21:26)
Maybe I'm not getting like a strong. I feel very connected to her actually.
Jess (21:30)
Ask her what she needs.
Andrea (21:31)
she needs a hug. She needs hug and she needs to be told like, I've got you. She needs everything that I do for my daughter.
Jess (21:36)
What I want you to do. Yes, exactly.
Exactly. Yeah. So what I want you to do is just put yourself in that memory with her in your childhood bedroom and the exact clothes that you're wearing right now.
Andrea (21:46)
Okay.
Jess (21:47)
And soothe her the way that I know that you do with your little girl. Be with her, ask her what she needs, and be the mother to her that you very much deserved. And just see how she responds. She might not know who you are. She might be afraid of you. That's okay.
but just see if she'll let you be with her.
And maybe just let her know that even though nightmares aren't real, they can be really, really scary. And it's okay to be scared.
Andrea (22:04)
So I paused it to just share what was going on in my brain at the time, like visually. So when she said this, I was already like visualizing me as a little girl in my room with my back to the whole room kind of curled up in that ball. And then me, the adult me going in.
and offering to like lay with her and rub her back and essentially and I've done some inner child work. So when she said like she may not know who you are, she made that ascent. Like she said that because sometimes it's the first time somebody's doing inner child work, but I've done it. So I've met with my little self before. So she and I are like good, right? She she's like, I'm used to meeting with my inner child. So when I went in,
Like she welcomed me in and I essentially laid with her the same way I lay with my daughter. So my daughter and I, I lay with her at night to put her to bed. We talk or whatever. And there's sometimes when, you know, she's having a hard time falling asleep or maybe she's just had a hard day and is talking to me and she'll lay on her side.
and I'll lay behind her kind of spooning her, also like rubbing her back and playing with her hair. And that's essentially what I did in my mind with, with, for little Andrea is that I was just giving her that like strength and reassurance and empathy and like this non-judgmental space to just kind of melt into me that I do with my daughter. was doing that for myself in my mind.
as myself. So just for you to get a little bit of a visual there.
I don't know if it's gonna show, but there were definitely moments where I was tearful, but also then smiling because I could feel some of that loneliness and scared feeling like melting away for her, like my little girl. And that felt really good to like comfort her and be with her and take care of her the way that I knew she is worthy of.
And so that's where like some of this might, I don't know if it'll show it just because of how this got recorded, but there was a lot of that going on too at the time.
Jess (24:16)
What do you notice going on in your mind and your body now?
Andrea (24:19)
she and I are like working on some stuff.
My stomach is calming down a little bit. Like it feels less full.
Jess (24:24)
Yeah, good. You stay with her as long as you feel that you need or want to. And then when that completes, you can always put a little white orb around the two of you and tuck that somewhere in your body that you know that when she's scared, especially at nighttime or when her belly starts acting up, when she has to spastic pee, you can meet her at that spot. Do exactly what you're doing right now, which is mothering her and seeing her and validating her. But you stay with her for as long as you want.
Andrea (24:27)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so I hung out there for quite a long time, you guys.
Jess (24:50)
Do you not want to leave her?
Andrea (24:51)
Yeah, it's like she's all settled. It's good. It's like, I don't know.
Jess (24:57)
why don't you ask her if she wants to come to your house?
Andrea (24:59)
Well, she already said she's good now. Like she can go But I don't want to leave you, just want you're so precious. Like let me pull you a little bit longer.
Jess (25:05)
Save her that. And maybe just be with her until she falls asleep. Like I'm sure you've done for her.
Andrea (25:09)
Well, she actually is trying to kick me out. So it's kind of like when you cuddle with your partner and then how I am. I'm like, okay, this is something now I'm going to roll over.
Jess (25:17)
I'm going, that's beautiful that she's saying that. What are you noticing in your body? She's kind of.
Andrea (25:21)
it's
good because it's the same thing my daughter does. She's um if she needs me like to snuggle her if she's scared if she's had something upsetting happen yeah we do that and then usually when she's almost asleep she'll go okay mama I'm good now thank you I can I can go to I can fall all the way asleep so then I'll leave.
Jess (25:36)
You are an amazing mom,
Andrea (25:37)
Thank you.
But it's like the adult me is like, yeah, but you've had all these years of all this. Like, let me just.
Jess (25:42)
Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, just notice where you're holding that, how you know you want to stay or where that longing is within you. Because that could be the teacher for the next part of your journey today.
Andrea (25:52)
Mm-hmm. It's probably like right here.
Jess (25:56)
Sledge in your belly metallic.
Andrea (25:55)
So relax though now.
it doesn't really, I mean, my stomach's a little bloated, but like it does, it's not like activated. It doesn't even feel like it's there right now.
Jess (26:04)
there's a little shift.
So seems like this is a spot now, an eye position where you can go and reconnect. Yes. With your eight year old if you wanted to.
Andrea (26:11)
Yeah, I think she's causing it really quick. You guys, this is at 46 minutes. So I was holding my eyes in that position for at least like 30, 35 minutes. Okay. Because there was so much for me to process there. So just like noting that for you as you're listening or watching.
Jess (26:34)
Do you want to keep processing on that spot or is there.
Andrea (26:36)
And
I need a shift just because my neck is. Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. I got in a car. Like, so sometimes this part is a little agitated. Yeah.
Jess (26:38)
you
That's fair.
If you had to ask your gut or your instinct what spot you wanted to process on next.
Andrea (26:49)
I don't know.
Jess (26:50)
Do we want to see play around and see what comes up?
Andrea (26:53)
Yeah, let's do it. Just like
it. You guys gotta do this.
Jess (26:56)
It's crazy. So we'll start over here and just see what you know.
Andrea (26:59)
is
what give me a second I feel like I looking that way so long. Yeah.
Jess (27:02)
No, reset. should have probably should have given you a second to reset. I'll calibrate like what's going on now after that shift happened.
Andrea (27:08)
This eye is like, it's like, it feels like floaty. Yeah.
Jess (27:11)
Any eye stuff is normal. Some people will feel very gritty, very dry. Mine blur out. Like I'll blur, like I'm losing focus back and forth. So all of that is normal. And you don't have to be afraid of that. It will go back to normal. Let me know when you're ready. Okay. So we'll just see what happens with my little magic wand.
Andrea (27:22)
Okay, I'm ready.
Jess (27:26)
there. Okay, so this one still, what do you notice in your body that's
Andrea (27:29)
Just my stomach goes, hello. Specifically
right here, I did it like right here.
Jess (27:34)
Okay.
Andrea (27:34)
there.
Jess (27:35)
Okay, the same thing with the belly.
Andrea (27:36)
there.
Jess (27:37)
Same sensation? Okay.
Andrea (27:38)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (27:39)
Okay, so it seemed like we had three. So if we have three.
Andrea (27:42)
zero.
Jess (27:42)
one. Which one do you want to start with?
Andrea (27:43)
Mm-hmm.
there is the most sense.
Jess (27:46)
Okay. So we'll let your body settle here. And then what we'll do is we'll go up and down. Sometimes there's a difference. Sometimes one direction feels softer. Sometimes there's no change. So it's just really to see. Then we'll go up first.
Andrea (27:56)
Okay.
do I need to stay there for this?
Jess (28:00)
If you want to, Okay, so I'll back down.
Andrea (28:02)
Can we do it up again?
Jess (28:03)
Mm-hmm.
here. Okay, so let get my little wand all situated and scooch my chair in so my back doesn't hurt because I'm getting older now. Let me know when I'm in the right spot.
You can direct me if you need to.
Andrea (28:12)
I think that's about the right slot. still not as intense as the the
Jess (28:16)
as a
lower one. You want go back down to that.
Andrea (28:19)
Can we just, can I just see how I feel one more time when you go down?
Jess (28:21)
this way.
Andrea (28:22)
Yeah, right. Sorry, just a little bit up. Yeah.
Jess (28:24)
So the same thing, just allow yourself to sink into the processing and want to see where the mind wants to go. What do you notice in your body here?
Andrea (28:31)
it's like a tension. It's like a filling tension point just like up here, like in my upper belly, like, I mean your whole belly kind of fit, but it's like very, like the focus is like right here.
Jess (28:40)
Okay, we'll follow that.
We'll just see where it wants to go.
Andrea (28:42)
I honestly can't remember the images that were running through my mind at this point in time. I think I might know what it's associated with.
Jess (28:49)
You can say it out louder if it's something you want to keep to yourself.
Andrea (28:52)
No, it's
like, I, there were times when I was hungry and I would tell my dad, was hungry and he would make a joke. nice to meet you. Hungry. name is Jack. And obviously I think it was funny because I was fucking hungry. I don't have any memories of him actually helping me get food. And then, when my parents got divorced, anytime we went to his house, he never, like if we had to go to his house on the weekend, he never had like any food in his fridge. And so.
that came to my mind. It was very stressful and I had a brother and sister and I was the oldest so then I'd also be worried like not just I'm hungry but like we're hungry like they're gonna be hungry like what food are we gonna get or you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Jess (29:25)
What aid are you seeing yourself as there?
Andrea (29:27)
Well, it was post-war, so I would have been like, I mean, it happens beyond this, but probably like 11 or 12.
Jess (29:37)
So I'm hearing I was hungry and worried, not just for me, but for others.
Andrea (29:40)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jess (29:41)
So just see what you're noticing in your body now that's coming up and we're gonna follow it and see where it wants to go.
Andrea (29:45)
I totally forgot about this part you guys.
So I think at this point I was just running through different, see different. It's like a tense, frustrated feeling right there. Like, and it's kind of warm. just like frustrated.
Jess (29:58)
it.
Andrea (29:59)
I was running through images of different times when I had to wait for food.
Jess (30:02)
think that's very valid.
So just follow your frustration. It be a great teacher. We're going to see where it wants to go.
Andrea (30:09)
It makes me think like I was always waiting. We were always waiting on my dad. one time he was gonna take us to go to this like race car. And instead he stopped in at this like, I live in Vegas. So there's like everything everywhere. we stopped at this like kind of restaurant slash bar slash they had slot machines, but he left us in the car.
Jess (30:21)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea (30:32)
Like, I just need to go in there to get something for a minute. I don't even remember what he said, but it was hours. We were in the car for hours and hours and, um, it, and he was gambling and I kept going in and peeking in and finally a cop noticed who was there like on break and came out and saw all of us in the car. I don't know how it was after the divorce. So was probably around the same age, like 10 or probably like 11, 12 or something like 10, 11. Um, so we were waiting, we were hungry. We were like literally three little kids in a freaking tiny little car.
And then we ended up going home after. Like we didn't even go to the freaking place. It was like shit like this with him all the time.
Jess (31:05)
Just see where you're holding that in your body. like this. Uh huh. Yes. We'll just keep following. Yeah. So it's shit like this with him all the time.
Andrea (31:08)
stomach.
upper part of my stomach.
I have a lot of hatred towards him. But I don't think I felt that when I was little. It's more now. But I was definitely like mad at him and didn't like him when I was little.
Jess (31:21)
But how did that feel when you were little, if you had to ask her and all those ages that came up?
Andrea (31:25)
It's hard for me to put a label on it.
Jess (31:28)
Just listen
to your body, and we'll tell you.
Andrea (31:30)
it didn't feel safe to feel sad in front of him. so a lot of times it feels like I was angry when I was little, but I probably was sad. But didn't allow, like I wasn't allowed to connect with that.
And really just like powerless to do anything to change it. Just like this isn't like I have no power over this. Like I mean I felt that way with him all the time.
Jess (31:49)
Get yourself permission to see where that's stuck in your body or in your belly. I am powerless. And I am sad.
Andrea (31:53)
Like the top of my belly is like all warm. It's like, it's like, that's where it is.
Jess (31:57)
Yeah. So just breathe some oxygen directly into that space, show it some love, and also let it know that it's okay to be angry. As women, often swallow anger down into our bellies. I wonder why. We all have belly issues. It's no accident. Yeah. So just give yourself permission to feel that now. And that it's okay to feel that way.
and want to see where wants to go.
Andrea (32:13)
Well, I really want to access sad because that's what I feel like is like important, but it's like hard to do it. It's like, I intellectually know that I was sad, but physically my body won't let me feel that about that or like.
Jess (32:17)
Yeah.
back.
Yeah.
This is just one layer. And I bet it's in there, but it just, the nervous system is crazy. It's here to protect you. And it might feel safer to feel angry and that pain in your belly right now that it would be to dip your toe into how sad that is. And that's okay. It's just about trusting the process. It's not to say it won't happen, but it's okay if it feels a little blocked right now.
Andrea (32:42)
So this whole time I'm still looking at that point on the screen. Process, like my brain is processing it. So at this point, there wasn't a lot of imagery happening in my mind as I was staring at that point. It was all me like feeling what was going on in my body and really having this deep desire to access the feeling of sadness and struggling to connect with that.
during this session and just really paying attention to the sensations in my body and my brain was trying to make connections of like, well, why can't I access this sadness? But there wasn't really a lot of imagery happening at this particular moment. I think I won't let myself feel sadness because then it would make me question like, for some reason, this is the connection like, what is wrong with me that he wouldn't take care of me?
like almost blaming myself. And I really had to figure out how to like be angry at him to survive that house.
because he would have eaten me alive even more if I would have let myself be sad.
Jess (33:39)
Yeah.
So let yourself go there now. Let that part of you that's here to shield that, just let it know that you're okay, you're in a safe space, you can feel it.
Andrea (33:46)
Yeah.
Jess (33:47)
And I want to thank that part of you for being here to protect you just in case the emotion got too much. But then it's okay.
Andrea (33:52)
if I would have been that vulnerable, he would have devoured me. Like he would have been way worse than he already was.
Jess (33:57)
Yeah.
So our bodies do this amazing thing where they learn to shut that off. We are so resilient. In your story alone, you are so resilient and amazing. But that little girl and that teenager, they deserve to feel all the feelings that they had that they weren't allowed to have back then. And now we're inviting them to do that.
Andrea (34:03)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (34:15)
so that you can bring them with you into this beautiful life that you've created for yourself.
Andrea (34:20)
Okay, I'm pausing it. at this time, watching that actually made me feel emotional. I was starting to connect with this, with the sadness. Like once I realized why I couldn't connect with it in the first place. For me, everybody's different, you guys. How this, healing and connecting and this and that, it works differently for everybody. But for me, once I knew why I was blocked and what I was protecting myself from,
I could then shift away from that and actually let myself feel the feeling. So that's what was happening is like I was really starting to feel that feeling. I was starting to feel the weight and the sadness. I was starting to feel more vulnerable in my body like as I'm thinking of those times in my life. And it was like really, it was really powerful for me, you guys.
Jess (35:06)
or you can be sad, and you can be angry, and you can be every color of the rainbow in between.
Andrea (35:11)
I feel relieved.
Jess (35:12)
Can you follow that? Or lean into your body where you feel that.
Andrea (35:15)
It's still around that area of my belly. Like there's still tension, it felt it's it felt there like it had some relief like
Jess (35:20)
Like some steam got let out of the kettle.
Let's see where your story wants to go next.
Andrea (35:23)
to my husband.
Jess (35:24)
Okay. Sometimes that happens.
Just follow it and see what your subconscious wants to connect.
Andrea (35:27)
Well, my subconscious wants to stop associating him with my father.
Jess (35:31)
So
it wants to disconnect.
Andrea (35:33)
well, maybe make a different kid. Like when my husband fucks up as all of us do, and he has his own share of junk that we've had to work through, but I feel it takes me to that same feeling of like being taken for granted or used or why don't you care about me? Why aren't I like in this thought equation, like very similar to ways that I felt as a little kid with my dad and with my dad specifically.
Jess (35:58)
It's beautiful the connections the subconscious makes and takes us on. Just see where you're holding that, wherever in your belly or your body. And it's almost like every time you're blinking, you're releasing this connection, the ties that bind. Yeah.
Andrea (36:10)
it's in my belly, but a little lower, like almost below, just a smidge lower. Am I going to be 15 pounds lighter after this? I'm just kidding.
Jess (36:14)
Yeah, yeah.
You know, you might not have to piss a million times in the middle of the night.
Andrea (36:20)
And you know what's funny about last night is that we didn't have the best weekend. There was just some like stuff. And so that's interesting that last night, like for an hour, I was awake with that feeling in my belly and my bladder, but.
Jess (36:31)
not at all really.
Andrea (36:33)
you
Jess (36:34)
See how you feel and if there's more work to be done on the spot.
Andrea (36:36)
You guys, forgot that we worked through all of this stuff in one session. Isn't that crazy?
Jess (36:42)
Well, to be fair, there's always more work to do on every spot. doesn't matter. We can milk it. So how I talk about it is we're cleaning out some of the cobwebs now. Like we're kind of taking big chunks of them out, but there always might be some left in the corners. And so processing in the future might take you back to something like this. Right. And it's not that you're not doing enough. It's just that sometimes only certain chunks of cobwebs are meant to be pulled and the sessions that you're currently.
Andrea (37:05)
Yeah.
Jess (37:07)
That's why I returned to my childhood bedroom 500 fricking times. It can get really frustrating, but I'm like, yes, there's just more cobwebs. There's some that are hidden or that I didn't even know about.
Andrea (37:12)
is layers.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think I feel good on this spot.
Jess (37:20)
If you had to ask yourself and just check with your gut and see what happens in your body or what shows up when I ask if your subconscious has anything else it wants to release today.
Andrea (37:29)
So this session was probably, gosh, like 10 days ago, maybe two weeks, but I think it was about 10 days ago. Since then, things have been really good with me and my spouse. We've been doing a lot of work on healing our marriage and he's got his own stuff. Like he sees a hypnotherapist and...
Like he's got his own stuff that he's healing through his childhood. And so that's also something I wanted to just highlight you guys is that when you're in a family or you're in a marriage or like everybody needs to be doing their work, right? It's not just on one person. Sometimes there might be a problem that's more heavily, you know, like one person might be kind of causing certain ripple effects, but like everybody needs to be doing their work. Nobody's
We all have stuff. And so he's been doing his work and I've been doing my work. some of the things, the patterns that have been really difficult in our marriage that he perpetuates from his end, he's like worked through. But every once in a while stuff happens, right? Stuff happens. And that's where I get invited in to either be triggered and go back to like my wounding where I...
think about things a certain way where it's like, he doesn't appreciate me. He, you know, like I go to this script and I have to tell you after this session, I would say like one day there was a day that like something happened where it's not even relevant, but like where I was invited, he did something that invited me in to potentially have that response again. Like this,
pattern of me thinking like he doesn't care, he's not for me, he doesn't have my back, like he takes me for granted, yada yada yada. And I didn't go there. I was definitely frustrated and I expressed my frustration, but it was just from such a more healthy place of just like, hey man, like, you you said you were going to do this and this, blah blah blah. And like, I don't appreciate this. But I didn't go to that really like unhealthy place in my mind and like run that script in my mind.
And I do believe that it's been a lot of the healing work, but also this really helped with that of like me truly working on whatever it was that like connects me associating him with my dad in that way, like not in a cognitive way, like where I'm realizing it, but it's like in a deeper way. I do feel like a lot of that, if not all of it got unraveled in this session. So I just wanted to give you guys that feedback.
So I'm gonna unpause and we'll listen to, there's one more segment of some things we worked on. And we'll hear what happens. I don't know if this is my subconscious, but when you said migraines, I was like, ooh, yeah, let's do that.
Jess (40:04)
So when you bring up migraines, I actually didn't know that that was something that was so common for you. Do you feel like it's associated with this spot or a different spot?
Andrea (40:11)
no, I don't think it's associated with the plot.
Jess (40:12)
this.
Okay. So I want you to try to bring up the most painful and ridiculous migraine that you have ever had. And like even now look at your body language, right? It was a brace and a
Andrea (40:21)
Mm hmm. I can't pinpoint like a day, but they're vivid. Like I know, I mean, it's like I'm in my bed, it's black, I'm nauseous, I'm drinking ginger ale, the pain is here. So I mean, I've had tension headaches, but like when I get a migraine, it's in my left eye and it's where like, I can barely function. I want to throw up from the pain.
Jess (40:31)
Mm-hmm.
What do you notice going on in your body as you even bring up the memories? Okay. Yeah.
Andrea (40:42)
I'm clenching my jaw.
What else do I notice? I'm noticing the tension in my neck more.
Jess (40:48)
Okay, so let's try, we'll start on the side first. Your eyes are going back up into your right, so don't know if it's soothing to do that now. Yeah, up to your right, yeah. Just a couple times, so I don't know if it's soothing now that you've done some processing on that.
Andrea (40:59)
Well, I have to tell you that like having it up there and then made my eye just feel like better. So when I said it feels like it's floating, did, but it also just felt like, this like tension relief in, because even when I get headaches or like tension headaches and it's all, there's still like a concentrated emphasis in this eye.
Jess (41:04)
Interesting.
Mm-hmm. Can you feel it right now?
and just notice where you're looking now. Over to your left, kind of laterally. That's your right. I don't know, this Yeah, that's the correct left. I know it's the way. When you were pondering, when I asked if you could, you can try to see what you notice if you just look over there.
Andrea (41:18)
was I looking?
I was looking that way.
Like this?
Yeah, I kind of feel like a smidge of tension in my left eye. Yeah. And my stomach's like, Hey, don't forget about it. Now you're making yourself stressed.
Jess (41:36)
Yeah, I'm still active down here. Mm-hmm.
I think about it like we're airing it out,
Andrea (41:42)
Mm-hmm. I'm a very much like a gut stomach processor.
Jess (41:45)
Same.
Yeah. So maybe let's just, if you feel frisky, you want to follow that one for a little bit. Okay. We'll see where.
Andrea (41:50)
So
I'm going to pause for a second. Something I want to just note is that obviously this is very specific to how Jess operates, but you can really find healing modalities where you get to really be kind of the co-creator in your healing process. And that's one of my most favorite things to do because
when you feel, so like sometimes we find practitioners or we find healing modality. It's more about the practitioner than the modality to be honest with you. Like we align with certain practitioners or we find them, we try them. And it's very much like a they're here and you're here. Meaning like they know the things and you need to do what they say and whatever. And then there's practitioners that are like, they're your guide.
but you're side by side. So they're guiding you in the process, but they're really enlisting you as like a co-creator of this healing process. And I will tell you that I've had several practitioners and healers who I've had this experience with now. And that has been where I experienced the most healing. And yes, there are certain modalities that I've experienced a lot of healing with, but
Having someone who really helps you become the authority over your healing, even if you don't have the certification, right? Or you don't, like they are guiding the process is so empowering for you and that I personally believe that it really can expedite your healing process. And I just wanted to note that here because if you can tell like, yes, Jess is guiding me.
but she's really listening to my cues and my body and what feels good to me and all of that, right? So I'm taking her lead, but she's also taking mine. And I think that that's really important when you are working on healing something that you understand that your body already knows everything. Your body already knows what you need.
you know what you need, even if maybe it's a little bit buried, you actually intuitively very much know what you need. And it's just uncovering that part. And so that's something I wanted to know about this is whether you decide to go explore working with Jess and doing brain spotting, which I highly encourage, or you do some of the other things that I talk about like body code and belief code, which I highly encourage.
whatever it is, somatic work, whatever it is, like make sure that you're aligning with somebody who really empowers you to understand that you know just as much. It's just a different type of information and you are the co-creator of your healing process.
Jess (44:33)
I
it's Coughing, yawning, puking, blinking. These are all signs of... Puking. Yeah, I've people throw up in session. Like I said, women, used to tuck a lot in our belly. Yeah, that's okay. That's just the way we learned to survive.
Andrea (44:40)
Yeah.
So I feel this sensation that's like, kind of just is like a little bit tense and warm and just like a focus area that goes from like here to here.
Jess (44:55)
Good. Yeah, just follow that. Again, if you have any visuals that come up for it, a color, a texture, anything that helps you connect to it more.
and we'll just follow it.
Andrea (45:03)
So my dad popped up, but I think honestly it's because he used to get migraines. I didn't get migraines until I was about 17. And that's after a major car accident and after being put on meds. I don't like the whole 17, like I just always am like, why did they start when I was 17?
Yeah, that's kind of where I feel like what's coming up for me.
Jess (45:20)
I'm going to keep following that.
maybe a little bit of a wording change, is what were the migraines protecting me from when I was 17?
Andrea (45:26)
That's a question.
Jess (45:27)
I want to see where it wants to take you if anywhere.
Andrea (45:29)
At this time, like my, I had some visuals, but also it was like, it's hard to explain. you're, I could feel my brain searching and there wasn't like all these concrete visuals or thoughts, but it was just like, it felt like it was kind of sorting through like a filing cabinet of information. If that makes sense without me really seeing every piece of information. That's like how I can describe a lot of this process is.
There's all this stuff like kind of churning around and maybe you see little bits of images or thoughts, but you also know there's more to it than that, that your subconscious in your brain is organizing to kind of like try to find the answer that makes most sense for your body. And that's what was happening here.
I kind of wonder if it was like my body trying to get my mom's attention for her to just give a shit about anything. But it's interesting because they changed over the years, like.
I started clenching my jaw, well at least I became aware that I was clenching my jaw at night and I would wake up with them. Like this morning I woke up with not a migraine, but definitely I was like, if I don't take some excedrin, I'm going to get a migraine in my left eye. I clenched my jaw really hard last night.
But if I look back at history, like somatic, knowing how that works, sometimes think migraines would come on to like protect me from situations, because then I couldn't go. Like honestly, I don't know if that was the case. I mean, I don't.
Jess (46:44)
Mm-hmm
Well, you're asking the right questions. And again, it's not always the cognitive. It's the listening to the body and sinking into that gut and just giving it time.
Andrea (46:58)
I just think I was in a lot of pain when I was around that age, like lot of emotional pain and emotional pain was not something acknowledged in my house.
Jess (47:05)
You see what goes on in your body when you acknowledge that.
Andrea (47:08)
I get like a lot of energy around the middle of my stomach.
Jess (47:11)
Good, just lean into that and follow that.
Andrea (47:13)
So I was processing here for quite a long time as well. Many, many minutes.
As you can see, I'm holding my eyes in that spot the whole time. My body's really tense.
Jess (47:22)
but just notice it and let it pass through.
or if you wanna squeeze everything up super, super tight and then release it, this is your processing and your story.
Do whatever the body needs.
Andrea (47:31)
I don't look at her when she's talking to me, like I always am holding that eye gaze. So as she's talking to me, like I'm, you know, just doing the processing.
Not a lot. like, it's like, I'm just kind of perseverating on this. Like, why am I here? And started when I was 17. It's like not, I don't know.
I remember feeling stuck on this, where like not much was coming to me.
Jess (47:52)
just keep following the story like a wave. We're riding the thought, it happened when I was 17, it started when I was 17, and it will slow down at some point.
Maybe just follow the tension too.
Andrea (48:04)
This thought is who will I be if I don't have pain?
Jess (48:08)
Well, that's a, I often have that part of me show up as well. Who am I if I don't have this pain protector part for me?
Andrea (48:09)
Mm-hmm.
Or who am I, well, and who am I if I don't have this thing I have to overcome all the time? Because that's like identity is like being an overcomer. It's almost like, doesn't feel okay for things to be smooth sometimes.
Jess (48:24)
Now you're making connections. See what you notice as connections start to come together.
Andrea (48:25)
That was huge for me.
My stomach's relaxing again.
I got a migraine when my mom came to visit two weeks ago. And I hadn't had one in a really long time.
Jess (48:36)
I'm sure that's not coincidence. Though I know that they're annoying.
Andrea (48:40)
Growing up, my dad would like, when he got a migraine, it was like, that was his reason for not like, he would just go in the bedroom and sleep for hours.
there have been times where I have felt relieved. Oh, I have a migraine so I can't go with my like, with an example like, can't go over to my in-laws. Like, it was like I was in pain but I was like, well, it's a legitimate excuse.
Jess (48:59)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea (49:04)
It was like, okay, well, if I have to have these horrible migraines, at least sometimes they get me out of some of this fucking bullshit that I have deal with, you know what I'm saying?
Jess (49:11)
Yeah, I'm hearing that role of that protector for you. And I hear you making connections to that.
Andrea (49:15)
Mm-hmm.
Well, because what other reason would be valid, right? know what I'm saying?
Jess (49:20)
Mmm
Yeah, I do.
Andrea (49:23)
This is crazy.
Jess (49:24)
but your feelings are valid, even if they were not validated.
Andrea (49:27)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (49:27)
What are you noticing in your body? this some of the stuffed bubbles to the surface?
Andrea (49:31)
My face feels kind of tense.
My head feels a little tense.
Jess (49:35)
So let's just ride that wave of almost like every time you blink, it's letting steam out of the kettle that is your head and your face, or all of this is stuff.
until it feels a little bit more open and calm.
Andrea (49:45)
Yeah, and I feel like pissed off. Like, why does it take for certain people in certain relationships, like, why does it take me having a migraine for you to like, let me off the hook or let me off the hook isn't the right.
How do I explain it?
Like my ex-husband knew I had a really hard time with my mother-in-law because she was just really hard and she never respected any request or I just, had anxiety when I'd go over there. I, what is she going to do this time? You know, like, am I going to have to navigate with her?
And that went unheard for, I mean, a long time.
And so towards the end of our marriage, I would get, mean, I just somehow there would be like a migraine that would be.
Jess (50:22)
Thank you.
Andrea (50:23)
But I feel upset. Things shouldn't have to come to things like that.
Jess (50:27)
Yeah, so just allow yourself whatever sensations are coming up with that because that's very fair.
What do you notice going on in your mind and your body now, dear?
Andrea (50:34)
I just started making affirming statements to myself. Like it, like I am safe to express my needs or wants. I surround myself with people who respect me or my boundary, you know, like my is.
Jess (50:47)
Sounds like your higher self is coming through.
How does that feel in your body?
Andrea (50:50)
It feels good. Also, another thing that came up is with my guy that I go see that I told you about, times he found a belief, he said somebody took my wellness. I gave my wellness away when I was like 13, which makes sense to me. And we gave me back my wellness, but I think that there's like other...
I just think that like I just came up like you you can have you can be well like you can be well. It's like to be well. Yes.
Jess (51:15)
How does that feel in your body? How's your head and facial tension?
Andrea (51:18)
It's like, it feels good. It's like, it's okay to be well and just say no. Like you don't have to be well to not do something somebody wants you to do. And I feel like that came from my dad.
Jess (51:27)
Yes.
That sounds like a good place to start to kind of wrap up your processing for today. Let that sit with you. Just see how you feel on that spot now in comparison to when we started.
Andrea (51:35)
Okay.
Do you just mean in general?
Jess (51:42)
Yeah,
do you feel better worse or no different?
Andrea (51:44)
I mean, there's the tension in my stomach is pretty much gone.
I don't, I mean, I don't feel worse. I think I'm like processing how the whole thing feels.
Jess (51:52)
Yeah.
So let's look at just that spot. Okay. From the tension and the eyeball stuff and the migraine stuff that started to come up in the beginning. How do you feel in regards to that?
Andrea (52:01)
I'm not sure, although I do feel a sense of relief.
Jess (52:04)
Okay. Okay. So that just means maybe there's a little bit more work to do there at some point. What about if we come back to this one on the screen? This one was in kind of your higher belly. Yeah. Let your, let your eyes adjust your head adjust everything. Yeah. It's hard going over. Just see how you feel coming back to this one.
Andrea (52:22)
There's like a tiny bit of activation in my stomach, but not anything near what it was before.
Jess (52:26)
Okay, so there was a positive shift. We don't know what it was, but it's something. Check your one up into your right, where your eight year old was.
Andrea (52:32)
Yeah, much better.
Jess (52:33)
So everything that came up today, we don't know how it will shift or what it will happen or how you'll feel, but hopefully you'll sleep. That's what I hope for you. At least one thing. I hope so. In our previous conversations, I just hope you sleep and we'll just see. So what happened in whatever we access today, it keeps the process and keeps going. And so especially the next 48 hours, you want to drink a lot of water. You want to rest when your body is saying to rest. You're going to probably notice, I know you're very in tune already.
but maybe you're a little bit more in tune with yourself and then maybe wanting to listen more. But it made a lot of amazing connections. So thanks for letting me walk, take a walk through your subconscious with you. How are you feeling after that?
Andrea (53:13)
I feel good. think I'm going to record like a little post for people who are following this very closely. I think I'm going record in two days, like, here's how I'm feeling or here's the after process.
Jess (53:26)
What did you notice? was sleep? How was your clarity? How was, if your husband did something that normally your brain would associate with your dad, how did it come up for you now?
Andrea (53:35)
I do feel relaxed right now.
That's good. I'm gonna go get myself and see if I lost 25. I'm just kidding.
Jess (53:40)
you want to know is so interesting is that like listening to people's processing from the outside and me being able to like, can connect it. like when you come to that walk and you're like, like the migraines to me make complete sense. And I know that they like make cognitive sense to you, but also you got in a car accident when you were 17. So there still might be a little bit of like,
Brain not brain damage, but there might be some residual stuff there because think about your nervous systems job is to keep you alive if You dying is the worst thing that could happen Well distracting with a migraine and the fear of that like right there It just makes so much sense to me when physical things start to come up And especially after your childhood and you're on like the precipice of becoming an adult even though you'd already been an adult So like no wonder it gave a physical thing to legitimize you needing a fucking break
Andrea (54:08)
Hmm.
Yeah.
Jess (54:29)
and giving time to rest. So I loved all the connections that you made and I'm so interested to see how you respond to it. brain's mind is fucking crazy.
Andrea (54:38)
I'm so pumped. I'm so that we recorded this.
Jess (54:41)
Yeah, I mean you processed for an hour and a half almost. Normally I try like an hour, hour 15, but when you went to that last one, I was like, I gotta let her milk this. Like I gotta let her milk this one out. And like we said, there's always could be more there if we just kept going with it. But I think where I just trust the process, where your eyes wanted to go, what came out today, what was meant to come out. And then if we would do another session, like you said, like.
Andrea (54:45)
Okay.
Jess (55:06)
That sadness is there and I can kind of access it, but it's like not completely allowing me. And you might do that outside of us meeting. It might just hit you one day and it can be really scary, but at least you know now that you can just like pour out of that and it doesn't need to stay stuck anymore. You can validate your own feelings and hold space for your own feelings. doesn't need a reason. It doesn't need an excuse.
Andrea (55:23)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Jess (55:31)
Yeah. And the repair with your eight year old and like the fetal position and like, course your belly is going to be all like crunched and, know, the stomach stuff. Women, it's all in our bellies because we just learned to swallow and swallow and swallow and swallow. And then it comes out as migraines and as IBS and it's like pissing nonstop or not at all or fibromyalgia or whatever. So I'm not surprised. There probably is more. So just give that belly some love, like warm tasty drink or.
Andrea (55:53)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (55:56)
some chamomile tea or something that's like calming and soothing or a nice bath and like, and it's in there trying to talk to you and now you're listening to it in a different way. And the migraines too.
Andrea (56:00)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jess (56:08)
I hope that they don't go, or at least like now you won't have to have an excuse to get out of something that you want to say no to. But like sometimes it's nice to have that like, my belly hurts. Like I don't want to go like.
Andrea (56:18)
You know what's interesting though is that that's less like that's less and less. I mean my migraines have pretty much been 75 % to even I would say maybe even 85 % eradicated at this point anyway. Oh, it's just this little.
Jess (56:29)
Yep. that's
left. Unless mom is around.
Andrea (56:34)
Yeah. So.
Jess (56:35)
Do you have ways to discharge anger in a healthy way? Because I heard anger at mom come up and hatred at dad come up. And so really it's not until we process and learn how to shift our nervous system, because what we don't express, we repress, which will then make us feel depressed. And so when I think back to your childhood and things like that, know, ways to help you shift through that if it comes up for you.
Andrea (56:57)
I mean, my husband is my best friend. We talk about everything. So I verbally process a lot with him.
Jess (57:01)
Okay. We need something for the body. So, yeah. So when you feel that irritation come up or you feel anger towards mom or dad, the easiest thing to do to help you shift is a wall push one foot in front of the other two hands on the wall and push as hard as you can, almost like you're trying to put it out into the wall because the wall can handle it that or screaming in a pillow in your car, screaming outside, get your feet in the ground or scream as long as you can, as many rounds until you feel that same relief or shift. Cause when we intellectualize anger,
We're still not allowing the nervous, the nervous system is trying to crawl out of being dissociated or being in a dorsal vagal response through the sympathetic response to get to feelings safe and grounded and connected. But sometimes for women, what we do is we're not allowed to feel angry. So we intellectualize it and talk about it, but the feelings are still stuff. Or we start to feel that and we feel tantrumy or like we want to fucking throw something or smash something. And then we go, no, no, no, I'm getting worse. I can't behave that way. And we accidentally shove ourselves back down into a freeze. So.
wall pushing and screaming are really, really good ways to start to discharge it. Or literally if you have shit that you can smash or break or go to a rage room, a kickboxing class, take a baseball bat to a tree or a punching bag.
Andrea (58:10)
What about, I like to rage dance and I like where you're like, or I like to shake, like I like to literally shake my
Jess (58:15)
So like,
Shaking is really,
really good. I would try discharging into the wall and see once you do that, if some of that sadness start, almost every time I've pushed into the wall, I've had some crying spell. And that's just because I know I'm so repressed. My feelings are so repressed from childhood. So try the wall push. And then when you start to feel that little bit of shit, then do your shakes and dance and do all, cause shaking is really good to reset the nervous system, but it doesn't always help to get that shit out of your nervous system. We don't want to hold it in your belly anymore. We want to shove it into the wall.
or we want to smash it into a tree or something like, you know, getting it out of you, scream it until you feel that belly release. Cause it's all stuck in there that you're so visceral in your belly. So it's like, how do we get it out of there? And then do your shaking. Cause then the shaking will be like, okay, now I'm like, I hit the reset button. I got that shit out. I hit the reset button. I'm good. I'm not crazy. I'm not like, So, also, angry letters, not that you give them to your family members, when stuff starts to- I know, right?
Andrea (59:12)
Sure. No, I'm just kidding.
Jess (59:13)
I've written so many to my mom over the years and it will start out real like, dear mom, I've been reflecting on our relationship and I have some honest things I'd like to say. And then the next page is like, fuck you and fuck you and you ruined my life. I wish you were dead. I hate that I'm your child. I mean, so I know you're saying it to your husband, but the act of writing like, dear mom, dear dad, cause you're talking to your husband, but they're still like the third person. Kind of not in the conversation. If you, even if it's short.
Dear mom, I fucking hated when you did this when you were visiting me and it made me feel this way and I'm not dealing with it anymore. Then read it out loud to your husband, allow the anger to bubble up, push it into the wall and rip that shit up or burp it. Because when you say it to your husband, when you say like, mom, like if you're addressing her, but you're talking to him, your brain doesn't know the difference. It just knows there's a body there. And so it's where the synapses and where that's kind of separated. It allows that to start to reform and reconnect.
Andrea (1:00:04)
Okay, cool, I can do that.
Jess (1:00:06)
Those all the, listen, I love angry letters. used to write what my old boss, he'd be like talking to me, like making me feel like it, you know, below him. And I'm just like, fuck. And then I'd rip it up after. So all of this stuff, I'm really excited. I'm really excited for your continued healing and to see how it helps.
Andrea (1:00:21)
I'm excited too. So I'll keep you posted. I'll keep you guys posted who are listening in intently. And in the show notes of this episode, you guys, please, there will be all of Jess's links. Okay. So thank you for being willing to do this like in front of people.
Jess (1:00:35)
Yeah, you're very welcome. Of course, it's a little nerve wracking, it's just about being the attunement is really what it's about is me being present for you fully so that you can be present and heal yourself. I think that is the core of brain spotting is just the attunement. Cause you were now that you know, you'll be paying attention to where you look, you'll be paying attention to how you feel in your body. And if things come up, right, you can always message me and I'll tell you how to re-regulate yourself while also doing a little bit of self spotting too, so that you can release it in a more effective way.
trusting me of this process.
Andrea (1:01:03)
Yeah, thanks for doing it. So it's been about 10 days. I would say that one of the biggest things is that I haven't been getting as many headaches, definitely fewer headaches. And I have the way that I internally responded to like some mistake that my spouse made.
Like it when I say mistake you guys it's like this is again a patterned thing that he and I are working on so It's not just like a random mistake. It's like a pattern thing. That's been a significant trigger for me So when that happened a couple like this last weekend I Didn't go to that place that I normally go to in my mind like I didn't run that script
And I would say that that's probably the first time in our marriage that I didn't run that script. Maybe the second time. So that's a really big deal. And I have had a little bit of sleep issues still more because I'm working on balancing my hormones right now. However,
I'm not, during the time that I've been having these sleep issues, since that session, I have not felt that fullness and like bladder feeling nearly as much. So there's been shifts for sure. You guys, this was one session. That's significant for one session. Like normally people do multiple sessions, do like they commit to, you know,
three months or they do multiple sessions, right? And so just to know that there was like that much of a shift from one session is amazing. I also wanna say that everybody's different and I've been doing deep subconscious work through belief code and body code for like, gosh, like a year and a almost two years now and also,
I work with another kind of healer who does very deep nervous system, emotional melting, brain rewiring, all sorts of stuff as well. And so not everybody's results are the same because everybody is at different points in their healing process, the malleability of their nervous system, their subconscious.
As you listened to this and as I told you the shifts that I've seen in 10 days, like I want you to approach your own healing journey with realistic expectations. Like my husband has been on a very different path than I have been. And he has really started his deeper healing just more recently.
in the last year and so like, and he's doing hypnotherapy and I think that we didn't start seeing shifts in, we've seen massive shifts, like it's insane, it's amazing. But we didn't start seeing shifts probably for like the first four sessions. They were happening, but they weren't, again, like when we do deep work like this where we're working with the subconscious and we're working with rewiring and we're working with untangling and all of that.
It's happening like deeper and in layers and sometimes you don't always see the outward part of it right away. The outward expression of the healing. So for him, it's like I saw results from this in 10 days, but I've also been doing things similar to this for two years. He has only been doing things similar for like a year, right? Maybe a little less actually. And then so like in his hypnotherapy, which is a completely different modality, but still works with the subconscious like
It took about four sessions to really start to see the outward stuff. So I'm sharing that because everybody's journey is different and you have to just be willing to like lean in, dig in and give it the time and the consistency that it needs. That's like the moral of the story. Everybody's different. Everybody comes from a different disposition. Everybody's nervous system is different. Everybody's subconscious.
has got their own stuff going on. so you guys, it's not a perfect one size. It's not a like, you check these boxes, it's going to happen in this timeframe. No, but I did want to demonstrate to you what something like this is like. And I wanted to just give you some of my thoughts and narrate some of this. And I'm really excited for people to listen to this session.
And I think that if you have a friend out there who wants to do healing work, but maybe they're scared, please share this episode with them. If you believe in deep healing work and you want other people to understand that it doesn't always have to be scary, like please share this session with people, share it in your stories, spread the word, leave reviews.
The whole point of this is to really, really, really empower and set others free so that they know that they can really take charge of their healing journey. So I will see you guys in the next episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. Talk with you soon.