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E24 Generous Heart Final
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Cody: [00:00:00] Generosity is really, it's love lived out. So for kids to grow in generosity, I think they need a big vision of self giving love. They need to understand it's more than just sharing stuff. It's a giving of ourselves for the sake of the joy and betterment of others.
Narrator: Welcome to Blueprints, a podcast helping parents thrive in today's demanding world.
Join Greg and Cody as they explore God's big plan for families and the big job of raising kids.
Cody: Welcome to Blueprints. Uh, we are going to be talking today about how to develop generosity in the heart of our children. I am Cody and I am here with Greg, Greg. Uh, so this has been part of a longer. Series, uh, that has kind of walked through all the different ways that we see God's grace shown to us and what that means for the life of our children.
You can actually find a number of these resources and learn different ways to engage God's grace based blueprint [00:01:00] into your life by going to gracebase. com and engaging with that more. I'm going to do a shameless plug there, but I wanted to call that out because this is kind of the, the tip of the iceberg for.
I think a lot of the different ways that you can engage with this and grow in the life of your family. With that said, I have a random question for you. Okay. Okay. So if you had, let's say four hours. Okay. You could choose to do whatever you wanted with those four hours. Right. What am I doing? What would you do?
Greg: Okay. I love being around people. Um, yeah, if you've, if you've listened to this, uh, podcast, uh, you prob maybe have picked up on it. Either I'm hitting up someone to go meet up and hang out. Um, crack some jokes. Okay. I would surround myself with people and I would have myself a good time. Yeah. Um, but Cody, uh, you and I are different humans.
Yes, we are. So what would you do? No, it's
Cody: funny. So. I guess maybe I should have caveated this, like, I think I would love to do something with my family, like, I do, I'm an introvert, I do enjoy being with [00:02:00] my family and stuff like that, but let's say, let's, I know this is a barrening podcast, but let's forget our family, okay?
Our family cannot be involved in this. I thought that's what the setup
Greg: of the question was. No, no, you're right,
Cody: you're right. Forget our family, they can't participate, what are we doing? Four hours of Cody time, what are you doing? Um, so I would I would leave the world behind. Uh, I would probably It sounds so dark.
It really does. No, I would probably drive Like, now it's the winter, so I'd probably drive up to the mountain and snowboard by myself for a while. Even though, safety thing, you should always snowboard with a buddy. If it's, you know, different time of year, I'd probably go Do something else like that.
Probably bring my laptop, write, you know, read. I'm leaving the laptop behind. I, I, okay. Laptop behind. Then I would just think, you know what I love to do? Like, I love to just walk around in cities. I know you do love to do that. Like I, like all, I did that, uh, in DC the other day. I was out there, um, speaking at a thing and had like five hours literally parked and just [00:03:00] walked.
I like walked for four hours and it was great. Well, anyways, why don't we start talking about the thing you were planning on talking about here? Generosity. Let's talk about some generosity. So we're going to start by going to our question. Hi,
Sarah From South Dakota: this is Sarah from South Dakota. I'm wondering how I can help my kids develop a generous heart, especially when they struggle with sharing. I feel like sharing is a great way for them to learn how to be generous. But, for example, my eight year old really gets upset when asked to share her toys with her siblings.
I want her to learn the joy of giving without feeling resentful. Any practical tips or approaches that you could share?
Greg: I really love this question because it's something that every parent deals with. I only have one kid. We still would set him up like if friends were coming [00:04:00] over or other families were coming over to our house. We would try to set him up. Hey man, those kids are going to want to play with your things. So, you need to have a heart that shares, that heart that gives, while they're over here.
And some of his Lego builds are so big, and we tell him like, Dude, you might need to put those away, if you don't want other kids to mess with him. Cause, we want these kids to have a good time. But, does he
Cody: need to put the Legos away, if you are going to adjust something on the shelf? Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.
Absolutely. Okay. I know this is a little diversion from like the slow, but I feel like you need to share the story and then we'll get to the question.
Greg: So my wife wants to display, my son loves Legos. Yeah. Um, so he has a million of them and so she wanted to display them. So she wanted me to put these shelves on the wall so that they could kind of sit and it clears the space on the floor.
Yeah. So I was doing it one day and we were like, okay, let's see how high this next shelf needs to be. So we put a really big Lego set. And then I start putting the shelf up next to it and [00:05:00] everything just falls down and crashes and breaks and I just destroyed like I just weeks worth of work. And then I just looked down at my wife and my son.
And I was like, I just, there was this real moment in my heart was like, I just ruined their day. Yeah. Yeah.
Cody: No. So be generous with your Legos, unless you're giving them to Greg to hang up on a shelf, in which case, do not. So, like Greg said, I love this question too, because I think it's a really practical way that we see the challenge of generosity.
And our kids lived out like ideally we want our kids to share we want our kids to have hearts that want to give And there's this practical reality of like, well, they just need to do what I say and share, but we know, and hopefully if you've listened to a while, like, these are deeper heart issues. And, you know, as we were talking before, you know, Greg, you actually said something that kind of came to, for our big idea.
And that's the connection between [00:06:00] generosity and love. Yeah. Like, generosity is really, it's love lived out. And so for kids to grow in generosity, I think they need a big vision of self giving love. They need to understand it's more than just sharing stuff. It's a giving of ourselves for the sake of the joy and betterment of others.
Greg: Man, that's so good. And it's, cause right when we think about generosity, we hear that word instantly. A lot of times our mind will go to money. Like, how are we giving money? And like, an eight year old, like we're talking about right now, they don't have money. If any, it's very little. Um, but it is like the things that are in their realm of ownership.
I mean, we've seen this in movies where, mine, mine, mine, and we see this. We hear it in our kids. This is mine. This is mine. And I think as we talk about a biblical, biblical perspective of generosity, I think we need to broaden it out from those things and even just teach our kids how much God loves us.
And honestly, how much we love our kids. hey, this is actually a gift. Everything we have, [00:07:00] the Bible tells us that is a gift from God. And we are to share all the gifts that God has given us. And so I think giving them that heart posture too, of the big picture of, yeah, it is an act of love.
Cody: The ultimate act of generosity was the giving of God's own self.
Wow. You know, so good. Like he gave of his own life for the sake of. our salvation and our restoration and bringing us into his his family. And, you know, there's no greater love than this that you would lay down your life for a friend. There is this embedded connection between the idea of love and the idea of generosity that I think if we just focus on the actions of generosity, we might get better sharing and better logistical thing, but we'll miss the deeper thing.
So what's beautiful is I think we have that opportunity in these moments with our kids. You see examples, obviously in the Bible of the good of generosity, but you also see the outcomes in the Bible of a lack of generosity. We were talking earlier about Ananias and Sapphira, if you want to talk about like a pretty [00:08:00] extreme, uh, dangerous thing, why don't you tell the, why don't you tell the story, tell the tale.
Greg: So you have this beautiful picture of the family of Jesus, all just got saved. They're all worshiping, doing life together, breaking bread together, fellowshipping, and they all start giving and they give like everything they have. And Ananias and Sapphira, they come in and just give some of what they have.
And so you see their heart in that moment. Of, either it's security, like, man, I gotta hold on to something at least, God's not gonna take care of me. Whether it's pride or greed, of like, I'll give, they don't need all that I have. Um, but you see this like, terrible thing happen to them, like, they die. They get swallowed up and die.
But it's really the heart of the matter that really led to this demise. And it's like that, the widow going into the church. And she gave, in so many people's eyes, such a small gift, but it was so much in her own life, in her own context. And you see just the generous heart. And I look at a woman like that and I think, man, I [00:09:00] want my kid to have that same generous spirit and heart and have faith all the while that God is going to care for him.
And that God will meet our needs.
Cody: That's like an extreme, obviously, example of that and stuff like that, but I think embedded in this, you see that there's a deeper danger than just what you maybe inflict upon somebody else by not being generous, that there is almost like a self defeating thing. part that God is trying to protect you from, from a life that is, you know, self facing and stingy.
You know, a lack of generosity is not just something that you do that harms others, but it's actually something you do that harms yourself. Right. And There's so much that you miss out on when you are not a generous person. Yeah, you know you like I think of Scrooge McDuck like swimming by himself in his like coin palace And I know it's like a funny thing, but like he's not invited nobody else is swimming with him He's just alone with his coins kind of a sad reality.
Greg: Yeah, and I made this [00:10:00] comment That led to that discussion before we recorded nobody's ever had the best time of their life alone. Yeah, and Cody was like actually Actually screwed back on that but he he finds his happiness when his nephews come. Yeah, that's true. Yeah Okay,
Cody: like so many of the things we've talked about The reason God wants these things embedded in our hearts and embedded in our kids hearts is not because he wants to restrict us from joy, restrict us from life, but because he wants us to experience it in its fullness.
And a generous heart, a heart that is rooted in a desire to give of ourselves for the sake of others, ultimately, is actually something that God designed so that we can experience life to the fullest, so we can experience joy. You know, like I think of like Love is a great example. Love is a reality that doesn't exist outside of other people.
Like, I can't say that I love somebody or love anything and not actually have that be in the context of relationship. Joy is something that we experience with other people in the context of these relationships. [00:11:00] Hope, peace, all of these things that God has for us in humanity, and what we would say is like this flourishing life, happens in the context of being with.
Greg: It's really why God even created us to know and experience his love, and for us to share that love that we know and experience. And this is how generous God is. One, that you hit on already, that he would give his one and only son for us, on our behalf, to bring us home, back in relationship with him. But also, it talks about Jesus challenges us.
to even love our enemies. He wants us to be so generous with our love that to give it to anybody, everybody, even if it's a sworn enemy. That's how generous God is to us. And that's the generous life that he's calling us and asking us to lead into where it will give us more joy that you're talking about.
Cody: Yeah. So the other day. We had a movie night and I picked the movie and we picked the movie Les Miserables. I don't know if you've seen it or watched it. Les Miserables? Um, you know, it's an [00:12:00] incredible story of this guy who was a prisoner who gets out of prison, can't find work, ends up stealing this stuff from a priest.
And the priest, instead of sending him to prison, says, No, I gift this to you. Take this to become a better man. And he has this whole life where you have this one character. Who lives this life of generosity, literally gives of himself at every step of the way throughout this whole story, this beautiful story.
And then you have like his nemesis, who's this cop who's trying to chase him down because he breaks parole, Javert, who is not a generous person. He's doing everything by the law, he's doing everything like he's driven by this thing, but he is not a generous person. And what's interesting is you have these two pitted against each other and you see as the more Jean Valjean gives of himself, The more life and love and beauty surrounds his life.
And the more Javert ultimately tries to take from others and not do that. I mean, it ultimately ends, like, spoiler [00:13:00] alert, he jumps off a bridge and kills himself. Like, that's, which, it's like, Okay, so, to take a step back, like, I'm watching this with my family. And, like, to be fair, Uh, this might not have been the most appropriate movie to watch with all of my kids, and we're watching this, and like, this is happening, and Lauren's looking over at me, like, why, and like, by the end, like, literally, all of us are in, like, in tears, and they're like, well, that's the last time we let dad choose the movie, um, all that said, it's a beautiful story of this idea, like, the more you give, um, The more life you get, the less you give, the more you crumble in on yourself and the less you flourish.
So bringing it back to the question of, you know, how does it play out with sibling rivalry? We have an eight year old daughter who struggles to share. You know, you want ultimately your kids to share, not because you tell them to share and like threaten their life if they don't, you [00:14:00] want them to share because they Want to because they get that what they have is a gift and they get that there's a joy That they will get by bringing that there, but that's not gonna happen naturally, right, you know So let's talk a little bit about like what do we do?
How do we cultivate that? How do we how do we actually build that into our kids?
Greg: Yeah, I my wife and I have tried to like Have it be a practice in our son's life, even in like small ways. He has a toy that he doesn't play with anymore, uh, that he's maybe outgrown or just moved on. Um, and we'll ask him like, hey man, do you think the kids across the street might be interested in that?
Why don't you go give them that? Not of a sense of duty. And you can see him light up a little bit when he does. Hey, do you guys want this toy? And they're like, Like to have? Yeah, yeah, do you want it? And so we try to find practical ways. I think, seeing, having our kids see us tithe or give also. Um, and just be generous in spirit about who we are and what we do.
Yeah. Um, I think, And we're not making a scene like look [00:15:00] what I'm doing, look what I'm giving, but like many things we've talked about on this podcast, some of this stuff is just more caught than taught. And so if we're not doing it, it probably won't be a part of their rhythm.
Cody: And I, I think that's right on, you know, this is something that they're observing in us and if we're not, if we don't have generous hearts and we don't have generous spirit, they're likely not going to follow in suit.
We've talked a lot about this before, too. I think a lot of this, one of the practical things we can do is help, I think, frame like the story around what it is that we're doing. You know, like, in their world, they have this toy that they really want to play with and They have a friend or a sibling or something like that that wants to play with it, too.
And there's this natural reality that kicks in of like, well, if they're playing with it, that means that I'm not playing with it. And like, that's kind of the perspective that they have in it. I think we can come along and say, help give them a bigger story that surrounds that moment. Recognizing, like, I get why in this moment you might not want to do that.
But hey, let's [00:16:00] think about this. Like, you got that because somebody else gave it to you. You know, so this is something you experienced because this was a gift and There is another scenario in which they're not taking it from you, but you are Growing the joy that you can have with it by bringing somebody else into it Yeah, and it sounds a little cheesy spoiler alert.
This will probably not work right away, right? Like they will probably still not want to share it Yeah but over time as that kind of keeps coming up and they keep hearing that I think over time you'll get to a point where you're like, they're like, okay. I'm going to try to do this, and I'm going to see how much joy they have.
So I'm seeing this right now, personally with my, I have a nine year old and a seven year old. They share a room, and generally they play together really well, but obviously there's going to be times in which they do, like they're fighting over the same thing, or one person wants to do one thing and the other person wants to do that other thing.
And we've been doing this a lot, where we're like, hey, you know, [00:17:00] I know that you guys love playing with each other. I know you guys really have a great time when you do this. What if, instead of fighting over that thing you're doing, you come up with a way to actually enjoy it together and have fun with it together?
And, you know, like, at first, like, this does not happen very well, but over time, I think the repetition of that type of framing, it's incredible, like, what that does to their natural propensity towards understanding, like, oh, I'm not losing something by giving it. I'm actually gaining something by giving it.
And that to me is the heart flip we're trying to get. It's like this upside down, almost like counterintuitive way that God made us. Yeah. We're like, the more you give of your life, the more you have of life. Yeah. And the more you try to protect and take of your life, usually the less you have of it. The more you lose it.
Yeah. Yeah. The more you lose it. And so it's the same thing. If you can start to flip the script in their minds. in these moments of saying, by giving this away, you are not losing something. You're actually gaining something [00:18:00] over time that starts to sink into where their natural impulse is to be like, Oh, I know that I'm actually going to have a lot more fun.
If I do this on my own. The other night I was up in my office playing guitar just to kind of unwind guy moment, sensitive guy moment. Um, thinking about flower petals, things like that. My. oldest son was playing the bass guitar on his own. My other son had his headphones on playing the keyboard. Two little ones were downstairs.
And I just thought like, hey, you know, this is probably something we would enjoy doing better together. And so I came to their room. We started playing. I think we were playing like Green Day or something. Yes, I'm like easy song that we could all like jump in on what was like this moment of like, yeah, we're all enjoying something to an extent on our own.
Like he created this really beautiful, fun moment where we're like, Oh, music is really fun when it's shared. It's actually more fun. Right. Like playing together, we're able to do more things. My nine year old son brought up some bongos that I don't need, I don't know where we had bongos. Like I didn't know those existed in our home.
[00:19:00] And then a ukulele came out of nowhere. I'm like, I don't know where any of these things came from. And so like, we're all doing that. We're like jamming, like, and it was this super fun moment. And it kind of just showed to me and showed to them, like, these are things like, yes, we can do these things on our own, but gosh, when we share them, it just becomes so much more beautiful.
Greg: That's awesome. Yeah, something I'll like have my, I'll put in my son's ear also is that as far as gift giving, I think, because I, I tell, Hey, mom's birthday is coming up in a month. Once you start thinking about it, Christmas is coming up. Once you start thinking about what you want to get mom. And even when we go to a store, I'm like, Hey, keep your eye open.
And if there's anything you think mom might like pointed out to me, maybe we'll, we'll get it. Cause I wanted him to, to help open his eyes and his world up. So rather it just be like a singular focus and, and it has, it's developed into some cool things. And even this, like two months before Christmas, he's like, dad, I want, I know what I want to do for mom.
And so I was like, Oh, great planning, man. Great thinking about outside the box. Do you have any ideas? Yeah. And they're like, Oh, [00:20:00] flowers, chocolate. What did you, heard? And then I gave those to my wife and said, look what I gave them. Yeah.
Cody: Steal all the ideas. Yeah.
Greg: Trying to help. Open their eyes to the, to the People that are in their life don't like how they could give to them.
Cody: Yeah, I Think coming back to the question and coming back to like the very practical ways in which like we're seeing this live out as parents I think the more we can root the idea of generosity not so much in the act of sharing but in the act of love Storytell around it, you know, create the framework for understanding this stuff and then ultimately Helping them when they maybe don't do things right the first time which is often right, you know Don't come down on them use that as a time to train like I don't know if you do this But we'll we will oftentimes use a redo like instead of disciplining or something like that If if a kid like reacts the wrong way something so we're just like hey Let's just redo that.
Okay. Like, you're not in [00:21:00] trouble. Like, I get it. And if they don't know, like, well, what am I supposed to do in a redo? We walk them through it, like, hey, maybe Instead of hitting your sibling with that book, you could read it with them. Maybe try that, you know? Here's an idea. Let's just, let's just go for that.
And almost like, helping them like, play this scenario out differently. Gosh, that has, I think, saved us from some of these like, you know, knockout, you know, full on. Blowouts that we have with kids. No, you did this and you know, like all that stuff It helps give our kids a chance to like, okay, how can I learn this?
And then over time there's less and less redos because they're learning. Okay. I've been in this scenario before right? I kind of know how I should act in this and they kind of see that stuff like I love I love the redo Where we just like nope, let's just redo that come back. Let's try it again Like, non emotional, we're not judging, we're not like, we're not mad at them, like, we're training them, like, we know that they're going to do something wrong and do [00:22:00] that.
And so, I think there's a lot of great things that we can do in this, and I think the big thing that we're seeing is like, this is a way that ultimately, we're helping our kids get the most out of life by leading a generous life.
Narrator: Hey, this is Heather from Texas. Next week on Blueprints.
Cody: I don't think the acting part in Les Miserables.
He does a great job. I think the singing part, like I kind of just wish that they got people that were like better singers. Like Russell Crowe should not be singing. He should definitely be crying.
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Grace Based Families makes free resources for parents, thanks to the generosity of listeners like you and me. To join in the work of transforming generations of families, go to gracedbasedfamilies. com backslash [00:23:00] join.