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After six hours of unconscious napping in a monastery bathroom, Captain Alden wakes up to find Kelrana and Aloysius playing rock-paper-scissors and Roos spinning on a pole wearing a paper hat. The War Boss is dead. The orcs are scattered. Somewhere in this building is a sacred thigh bone, and nobody has checked the obvious room yet.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
Host
Host
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What is Wrath & Glory | Narrative Declaration?
An Ogryn, Rogue Trader, Aeldari, and an Inquisitor walk into a Warhammer 40,000 TTRPG campaign, and it’s everything you expect it to be! Listen in to Narrative Declaration’s run of WH40K: Wrath & Glory! You’ll laugh, cry, and scream “heresy!” as our party journeys through the “Litanies of the Lost” adventures.
Wheeze the new mick boss now.
I'm hungry.
I kill one.
Why does he sound like Mark Twain?
We've been here for two hours.
Welcome back, everyone, to another amazing episode of Wrath in Glory.
Yay!
Yes!
Finally!
Oh, no.
Welcome, everybody.
Another exciting episode of Wrath in Glory.
I am your host for the day.
I am Zoned the Bear playing Roos.
And then we got Hulky.
That's me.
I'm Hulky Crow.
I'm a stinky guy.
I'm playing the funny Lex mechanic named Aloyses.
That's me, my funny gravelly voice.
And then...
Now it's your turn.
Oh, it's my turn.
He just said, and then.
It's me.
Hi, I'm Odo.
I'm playing Calrana.
I'm the Eldar Corsair Psyker.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back.
I hope you had a wonderful holiday break.
Next.
Wow.
And I'm Thurston Hillman, also known as On Call GM.
I will be the Game Master.
And I believe that's everybody, right, Zoran?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So welcome back, everybody, to another exciting episode of Wrath in Glory.
Thurston, what adventure do you have for us today?
All right.
I'm really glad you asked.
So, yeah, thank you.
Speaker, stop interrupting Thurston.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, Speaker, you didn't introduce yourself.
Would you like to introduce yourself, Speaker?
Hello.
My name is Speaker Deez Nuts.
And it's...
Oh, oh, oh.
When I make that joke in one episode, blah, blah, blah, of Rock Grind, I get reprimanded.
That's crazy as a laugh.
He's been holding on to that one.
I remember that vividness.
Holy shit.
Somebody's got some flashbacks going on here.
I am pissed.
I'm sorry, Zoran, but you're simply not Speaker D.
How dare.
Yeah, you're not.
Sorry.
As the saying goes, Speaker D, but not for thee.
But, of course, after Speaker D, we have our last year's game master, Thurston Hillman.
Hello.
Hi.
How's it going?
The real one.
What's up?
Yeah, the actual one that we brought in.
So, as far as I don't like timing episodes, please be aware for us.
We took our good old breaky break.
So, things are going to get a little...
Our bad.
But, of course, for those of you who watched the last episode, things went weird.
Our valiant heroes decided to cast themselves forth and destroy the Orc Horse.
The Orc Horse?
The Orc Horse.
Okay, artists, get on it.
You can't make fun of me.
It's an actual condition.
I had to go to speech therapy as a kid.
No!
You can't make fun of me.
Fuck you.
Now don't you feel silly.
The Orc Horse that we have eviscerated, as much as we have eviscerated the Orc Horse,
our party is also in dire straits right now.
And, of course, that's where we left our band of chuckle fucks last time.
Thurston, how bad off are we today?
Well, you're pretty fucked up.
Last we left off, there was a battle, potentially, with a boss of war.
Two of them.
In the large, sort of, the large meeting area here.
I'm just kind of loading up into the map.
Sorry, it's being a bit shaky.
Aloysus.
Aloysus was all right and holding on, kind of.
But Captain Alden Rosh had some pretty bad things happen to him.
Bruce was also somewhat beaten up, but nothing too bad compared to the good captain.
All of you have finally sighed a breath of relief as the last of the Orcs have been driven off.
But you've taken a licking here, everybody.
So the question is, is what are you going to do now?
As you, kind of, reconvene in the refectory, after having had the doors opened out to the, sort of, open cloister area where, you know, various items and gubbins had been stacked up.
At this point, though, the remaining green skin seemed to have disappeared, giving you a moment of respite.
Bruce looks to the left, looks to the right, sees, like, the body of the Orc.
He's all, I got a boss.
Yeah, I got a boss.
He looks behind, and he sees Alden just, just dying on the ground.
Kelrana's also all messed up.
He doesn't see, he doesn't quite see the noise.
He's all, you guys?
Guys?
Kind of roost himself.
They're not dead.
So they're all just prone and building blood.
Elrana's fine.
Elrana's fine.
I forgot.
I fucking forgot.
I moused over, and it said Baja, Sirianni, and I forgot about that.
It's not Baja, it's Baja.
No, you won't fucking start with that again.
Not again, not again.
I'm all right.
You need to go tend to the captain.
Tend to you, sir.
Without even thinking about it, Roos heads straight up to Alden.
He's all, sir, you go, well, kid, I hope you, sir.
Are you just that family guy, like, dead pose?
Is that what's happened here?
Yeah, I think just fucking boom on the ground, perforated holes in them.
I got stabbed by a big old orc commando knife.
Not only was it big, but it was probably also not well taken care of.
I might have to check myself for tetanus.
Up to diet on your shorts, Captain.
Oh, Roos, are you, is that you?
Yes, sir.
Or is it the Emperor yet?
Oh, fuck.
That's fine.
I, I may have taken a bit of a beating.
You're taking more than a beating, sir.
You lost in melee combat.
I was ambushed.
Yes, you certainly were, Captain.
It's fine.
There were, like, 30 of them, and you got them all, Captain.
Oh, yes.
Well, if the elf says it, is it true?
Yeah, everything out of the mouth of Nazion is true.
No, sir, you know it, do you?
You only got, like, a couple of them.
In fact, I think I killed more than you.
Oh, dear.
Hold on.
Like, not picking up at all.
Are you trying to, like, make them feel better?
Just like, you're like, I'm in the Zeno's Lord of my son.
Hold on.
This calls for it.
Zeno's scum.
Zeno's liar.
If I am to pass, then let it be known that my final wish is for my remains to be buried
among the stars.
You want your corpse shot out the airlock, sir?
We can do that.
Are you sure?
I mean, we could just put you in some kind of stasis crypt until we rebuild you.
Wait, what?
Oh, you, oh, do that, then.
Also, sir, I don't think you have to do that area.
I would say, Captain, I'm not sure you want your final words to be shot out into space
when I only killed one orc.
Are you saying you're sent out to the stars?
You can't be buried in them.
There's no, there's no mass in which for you to be buried in them.
I was under the impression, I, I just was under the impression that my wounds were fatal
and I was going to die in the next few seconds, but if there's an alternative that isn't shooting
me out into space, I suppose, I suppose I'll take that one.
Oh, Captain.
My, my, Captain.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Hunt.
Oh, oh, oh.
Didn't anyone tell you of the blessed purity of the machine?
Uh, your chest opens at that exact moment.
Yeah, that's right, the blessed purity of the machine.
Yes, this one needs it too.
He does, he does.
Point being, as though you may not be ready to accept the purity of my gospel,
I will certainly extend the old messiah's mercy to you and fix you up within reason,
provided you don't bleed out before we get back.
You're not going to turn me into an armed servitor, are you?
Oh, heavens no.
I might have the authority to do that, but why would I do that to you, Captain?
You're my friend, and Loisus will smile big and wide.
He only does that when he's being really genuine.
Bruce, if it has anything funnish, airlock plan is still a go.
And it'll fall unconscious.
Got it, sir.
All right, Roos, the captain is unconscious.
Which means, in lieu of me having any sort of authority that I so rightly deserve,
I would think that you are best suited to be the de facto captain for right now.
Oh, I'll carry my name while he's asleep.
Exactly, you're carrying the burden of leadership on your shoulders and your back,
and dripping down the front of your carapace armor by the looks of things.
And as your esteemed advisor, it is my recommendation, Interim Captain Roos,
that we find the thigh bone, return it, and leave.
Sounds like a plan.
Why don't we just use this Half-Life 2 medkit on Mr. Odin?
What?
We have a Half-Life 2 medkit?
We can regroup.
You can get healed up, and we should be fine.
I wish I had a medkit right now.
I mean, you have a medkit rating, you know?
You just become...
I know, but I don't have a medkit.
But...
You don't need a medkit.
I need...
If you want shock back, mister, if you don't want to be eepy-sleepy for the rest of this scene,
you're gonna want shock back.
What?
We can spend wrath to get shock back.
I...
I actually can't, uh, use psychic powers to give him his shock back.
Never mind.
You could instill more shock on him by showing him an astonishing display of warfuckery.
That is true.
Or you could just shock me.
Hey, you're unconscious.
You're dead.
Oh, right.
Damn it.
Yeah, all being told, no.
Will Roos take the captain's tricord?
Oh, shit.
The moment.
The heck?
He looks down.
He's like...
It's like one of those fucking, like, Ren and Stimpy, like, close shots of your face looking down.
He's having...
He's having this, like, just...
He's like the one ring that's speaking to him.
Like, take a hand, teach us, or cast us.
He's like, I could be in command of a ship, and I'll actually put guns on it.
He's having this...
He's having this...
He's, like, slowly reaches for him.
He gives, like, a flashback.
I'm like, no, no, Roos.
He's like...
That power's not for me.
Oh, that's fucking good.
But he will go back and get his own paper hat that he, like...
I think he trusted it to one of you.
He'll take it back, and he'll put that on.
It's all.
Screw all this.
Let's go ahead and sit down there.
Get up at the defensive position and regroup.
That's what leader's roof says.
Aye, aye.
Aye, aye, Interim Captain.
Indeed.
That's what we're going to do.
Just make sure you heal up everybody.
Make sure everyone's nice and reloaded.
Actually has ammo.
And all that stuff.
If we need to regain shock, we can spend one of our wrath points to get shock here.
Oh, so if we rest up, we get healed.
Yeah, the regroup thing is, a regroup is a short period of downtime lasting approximately an hour.
Regrouping generally occurs between encounters before your time.
If you have a Medicaid rating, you can heal a single character during a regroup.
They regain wounds equal to your Medicaid.
Thanks, Paul.
So we can spend, like, a couple hours of just, like, let's get Alden up.
And let's get anybody else who needs HP up.
I like the idea, though, that we only spend an hour.
And then just after that hour, it's like, wow, everyone, I feel great.
I'm right back to normal.
And all the Medicaid stuff and how much gets rolled.
It's six hours if you want to just fucking, like, heal everything.
Yeah.
In which, as far as we can tell, the orcs aren't going anywhere.
They have no way to get off this rock.
They crash landed here because a big rock came in and they just took this place.
They have no way to escape.
So they're stuck here with us.
So we might as well just take that entire time and just heal up.
Sure.
I mean, I'm unconscious.
It's your guys' call.
Yeah.
So we'll just hold down here, you know, put you in a nice comfy area in the church and get you nicely healed up.
Oh, Thurston, I'm going to ask you this question in a way that I'm doing my best not to hand you a loaded gun.
Am I still unbound?
It says it lasts a scene.
The scene.
The scene is over.
All right.
The scene is over.
All right.
We're good.
Thanks for turning off your nuclear bomb mind.
You're welcome.
You know, sometimes it just happens.
You know, whenever you need to smite someone to try to save a good friend's life.
Yeah, whatever, Reno.
You look so bit rude to their big, wet elf eyes.
One slow blink at a time.
This is a big room with a lot of access points.
I'm curious where you're planning on taking your six hours of downtime.
That's a fair point.
There are three doors.
It's over here.
Like, you know, get near the statue.
Oh, we can just drag him back to the pool water stuff.
The pool?
Perhaps there's a large collection of handbrake.
That's true.
We can also dry him off on the pile of burning trash.
Yeah.
That's what we're going to do, Thurston.
We're going to...
Bruce will help escort him.
We'll go over to Spade.
And we'll drag him over.
Just so we can have, like, a nice defensive position.
We'll drag him over to where the pool water is.
And we'll kind of make him as comfy as we can.
And we'll basically rest up.
Okay.
I hope...
I really hope that we know that bringing Alden back here is equivalent to resting at a shrine.
We'll go back in that room again.
That boss fight's going to start again.
Oh, no.
Yeah, they all respond.
Yeah, it's actually Dark Souls style.
Oh, it's a boss.
They've got six grenades this time.
Oh, good.
Yeah, so basically, as long as we're not interrupted,
if you're not interrupted, your shock and wounds are reduced to zero.
And your wrath points are reduced to two.
If you're setting wrath in this way, you could increase or decrease your current wrath.
You cannot gain the benefits of respite if you are dying.
If it's Alden dying.
No, not at the moment.
Because he would have been healed by...
So we are good to go.
Unless we get interrupted.
So I want to, like, go to the cinematic scene of, like,
the camera, like, we have this intro scene.
You know, there's the ring of power that is tempting Bruce.
And by that, I mean the tricorn of power.
There's dragging of the captain into the bathroom.
We're closing of the doors here.
The lavatory space here.
You're holding down.
You're all resting.
That's the point where we cut to a commercial break.
And then we, like, fade to black to go to the commercials.
But then we fade back in.
But, like, when we fade back in, there's kind of, like, the fluttering.
Like, the opening of eyes.
What does the captain see when his eyes open?
And I will ask...
I'll ask Kelrana this.
What do you think the good captain is going to open his eyes to as he stares up?
Oh, God.
This was, like, a six-hour big nappy?
Yeah, big nappy.
Big nappy.
All right.
In that case, I think that the captain opens his eyes to see his beautiful friends awoken from their nappy.
I think that Kelrana and Aloysus are playing, like, a really intense game of rock, paper, scissors.
Like, you know, friendships are about to be ended over this one.
And Roos, Roos has got his paper hat on.
I'm doing that gorilla, like, pole spin video.
Where he's just playing one of the poles up here.
He's like...
Oh, wee!
Like a seal.
I have the most terrible dream.
You're one, two, three!
Shoot!
Aloysus shoots.
With a gun.
Shoots all in.
Yeah, not consciousness.
Oh, I might have to roll the misfire.
Oh, good shot.
Good shot.
Good shot.
Ed goes skittering off.
You see, it's the efficacy of using gun when the opponent at least expects it.
Most people anticipate one of the three moves, but there is the hidden fourth.
Most schools of thought do not teach the right of gun.
These monk-
These monk-
I tactics are way over my head.
Ah, tactics, hubris.
It's sometimes the line between them blurs.
Believe me, I understand any level of misanthropy towards my more fleshy kin.
Fleshy?
I don't like the way that you describe them as extra fleshy.
They are simply, think of it as hatchlings from an egg.
They are simply not ready to shed their imperfect juvenile down for their adult plumage.
Adult plumage being-
Augmetics!
To be closer to the divine!
The purity, the ecstasy of the mechanical.
Right.
As wonderful as that sounds, I noticed that I myself am sad several Augmetics.
I assume I have the both of you to thank for patching me up?
Yep.
Yes, you do.
Not to worry.
I put all of your guts back where they're supposed to be.
I think-
Well-
She's become quite adept at manipulating Monkai bio-architecture.
I'm quite impressed.
Listen, Aloysius-
I put a hand on his shoulder.
Aloysius, trust me when I say this.
You know, you have been watching me closely, studying my Xenobiology, and in studying me so closely, you've failed to notice one thing.
I've been studying you back.
I've been studying you back.
Oh, gasp!
To think that my dear ally of convenience has been counter-spying on me.
Oh, calumny!
Oh, tragedy!
Oh, throne!
Whatever will I do with another Xenos who knows how to disassemble humans?
You know what?
That is true.
That is true.
But you've learned quite well.
You'll be quite adept in the coming days.
Well, thank you kindly.
I do my best.
Well, if you've both finished your veiled threats against one another's species-
Oh, Sheh.
Ah, yes, Roos.
Don't interrupt, Sheh.
Abad is now relieved.
He takes off his paper hat and, like, folds it and puts it away.
You'll now recommand, Sheh, and he gives a little salute.
Thank you very much, Ensign Roos, and I'll give him a salute and a promotion.
Claps.
You're an officer now, Roos.
I'm an officer.
I didn't know I could break past all those other rakes so fast.
Well, don't let it go to your head.
But you deserve it, after all the lovely things you've done,
and dragging my ass out of the fire, helping us through all of this.
But our work is not yet done.
There still remain orcs to purge and a thigh bone for us to collect for some erstwhile inquisitor.
Have we been able to requisition or recantar any Laz package ammunition?
Uh, no.
No, Sheh.
Afraid there's not any in the baths.
Well, then it shall be steel and steel alone that shall see us through.
At least from my angle.
Aye, aye.
All right.
Have we any earthly...
Unless it's not the Shuriken Pistol.
Not especially.
I'm not trained in its use, and the idea of utilizing Xenos technology gives me the...
Hee-bee-jeebies.
Hee-bee-jeebies.
The hee-bee-jeebies.
That's right.
That being said, do we have even the slightest conception of where our last targets remain?
Um, I'd imagine that it's in the rooms we haven't been in yet, sir.
Yeah, we still got East Seasons Ours and West Seasons Ours.
But we can continue on westward, sir.
It's where we encountered the biggest of boys.
I see.
I can scout ahead real fast.
By all means.
Yeah.
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna do my psychic thing.
Would you like to...
No.
I would not like to unbind.
Okay.
You had to ask, you know.
Hey, do you have to unbind for everything?
All the time.
Yeah.
Like, just, you know, like...
Just do it.
All right.
Uh, scry's gaze.
Boop.
Yeah, just become god.
Okay.
Sure.
First stroll.
He's got a competition.
First stroll.
Back in the saddle.
It's a failure, too.
I like that.
Ah!
You okay there?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm doing great.
I'm doing awesome.
I'm doing awesome.
All the time.
How we feeling?
How we feeling, everybody?
Feeling good?
I'm gonna wrath reroll.
Good to be back playing with everyone.
Hell yeah, brother.
Same mole.
Oh, da-do-da-do.
Uh, yeah.
Do I roll perils before or after I wrath reroll?
Uh, well, remember, wrath reroll won't reroll that dice, so you're gonna get it.
So you'd wrath now.
Okay.
I'm gonna go ahead and wrath.
All right.
No more wrath.
All right.
Put it on my shield.
Take it up again.
You got it.
Yeah.
You should have two.
Two whole rats.
Much better.
Eight successes.
And what's my perils?
Whispers in the dark.
All light sources grow dim.
Sinister whispers echo.
And anyone who can hear them must make a successful corruption test.
What?
Wait, one sec, there's something I need to check, one sec.
Wait, what does that mean, Thurston?
Thurston's really bad.
I need to look at, sorry, I also just need to look at something about Ogrens real quick.
Oh, don't worry, mine.
Yeah.
I just want to read something real quick about Ogrens.
Well, what could that possibly mean?
Nothing bad, I'm sure.
Nothing.
Nothing at all, I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, okay, I think you're good.
I don't think Ogrens have, like, the fear of dark, do they?
Do they?
Is that a thing?
No, it's only claustrophobic stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Regardless, their will stuff is down, but even so, we're only just making a corruption test.
Yeah, it's a corruption test.
All right, everybody.
Welcome to a corruption roll.
We haven't done one of these in a while.
You're welcome.
Thanks, Otto.
Thanks.
You should have unbounded.
Is it actually a result?
I should have unbounded.
It could only get worse, and I should always make it worse.
So, okay, a corruption test.
First, you roll the dice pool of your conviction against the DN of the source of the corruption.
Oh, no.
All right.
If you fail a corruption test, the GM gains one rune.
Oh, good.
And you gain corruption points equal to the difference between the number of icons you rolled and the difficulty of the test.
I don't want to get three.
If you roll a complication on a failed corruption test, you gain double the amount of corruption points.
Oh, good.
Hey.
Oh, my.
Um, well, do I have to roll it?
Let's rock.
Uh-oh.
Everyone does.
Fuck.
Um.
Figure, what did you get?
You only got a two.
I only got a two.
I'd like to spend a wrath and re-roll it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Roger, roger.
My thing to roll corruption.
And just like that.
So, your combat tab.
I didn't like that.
Combat tab, notation, section, conviction, and, uh, sorry to say it out loud, you did your re-roll, speaker, and you got four successes.
Yeah.
Nice.
That's correct.
I am free of corruption.
I will roll mine.
Yes.
If you need help, I don't know.
Oh, it's not letting me roll.
You don't click corruption, you click conviction.
I'm gonna wrath that one, too.
Elbow, though.
Watch.
Oh, you got that.
Oh, you got three.
Five successes.
Nice.
I am incorruptible.
It's succeeding.
It's fine.
We're good.
I have no soul.
Except for.
Bruce.
No.
The lights turn off.
Hey, can I take a couple glory?
Just two.
Yeah, take some glory.
Take some glory.
Come on.
Go on.
I'm going to have a couple glory to this, you know.
Why did you say it so menacingly?
Take some glory.
What's the worst that could happen?
Oh, my God.
I'm running out of the doors.
I'm complicated.
Oh, no.
But I succeeded, though.
Succeeded, but complicated.
But you succeeded.
So that means it doubles zero.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, so wrath calcification was double the corruption point.
So if I failed that.
Oh, boy.
It would have been really bad.
But Bruce, Bruce goes, I'm not afraid of the dark.
I'm not afraid of the dark.
And then lights come back and talk.
Why did you fall where the orcs is all?
Or you just told to scare the shit out of us?
Yeah, that's that Eldar apparel.
You're starting to hear Slaanesh.
So you were using Scryer's Gaze, right?
Indeed.
And I can shift to extend the range.
I don't think I really need to, but...
Just in case.
Your range is 5,000 meters.
You've got the entire map.
You're good.
We're not on the battlefield map.
So...
Where do you want to look?
I'm first going to pop this away.
The only direction we haven't gone yet.
Can I, like, just, like, put down a, um...
One sec.
A spectral Kelrana.
One sec, one sec, one sec, one sec.
I can do this.
I can do this one sec.
One sec.
Sec, I can make this cool.
Ghost Kelrana.
Through this door.
Yep.
Oh, she's blue.
She's blue now.
She's blue now.
You're in a hall.
It's a hall.
It's a hall.
It's one of those, like, connecting hall doors.
Oh, shit.
It's a connecting hall.
I've got to make sure they know.
I'm going to open the door.
And then you're like, I will keep...
Well, you're not opening the door.
You're like a spectral, like...
Oh, yeah, I'm phasing.
...vision of...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, all right, all right.
So then...
You enter into...
The kitchen.
What is going on in here?
So, looking around, there are...
One sec.
Since you'll see them.
Fuck.
There are...
Ten grots...
Eating at a table.
Oh, boy.
I thought you were going to be like, ten grots and a trench coat.
They are gorging themselves on all of the foodstuffs.
Look how they just completely ignored the battle.
Five of them are, like, on their backs.
Well, six hours later.
They've clearly, like, been going through this place fairly recently.
Um, and they are...
They are just, like...
Like, they've...
They've clearly just, like, eaten so much.
Um...
They're, like...
Their bellies are noticeably engorged.
Ugh.
Um, and they're just, like...
They're, like, eating to the point of...
This is just hurting them.
Like...
But they keep going.
Aw, an orc after my own heart.
Oh, York.
All right.
Taking note of that, I'm seeing one other door.
Oh.
I meant to ping it.
Oh.
So, I will continue on my ghostly vigil.
You're floating to the next...
Past the, like, the grots.
We're like...
Yeah, just...
Ugh.
Yuck.
It's another connecting hall with some, like, view to the outside.
I got a lot of connecting halls here.
They do.
All right.
And keep going.
All right.
And then...
This leads you into a...
Like, clearly a storeroom.
Of sorts.
Um, as you come in here...
Um...
There's a couple of...
A couple of things, you know.
Uh...
Let me just pull it up here.
So, there's shelves, uh, rows of shelves in this room.
Uh, there's, like, provisions that have clearly been ransacked.
Um...
As you can tell, um...
There's just, like...
It looks like the grots came in here and took more stuff out.
And now that you think back to the scene, like, some of them were eating, like, bags of flour.
And so they've just been taking raw stuff out of here.
All right.
Not much else to it.
I'm gonna check this last room and see if we have more company.
Okay, you're gonna have to make a choice.
This will deal a point of shock to you if you stay here.
If you go to the next room, I should say.
I'll take the shock.
I'll take the shock.
Okay.
Okay.
Cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, just, like, the little nosebleed while she's focusing in on this one.
Yeah, and, like, I assume the rest of you are kind of around her and just, like, how's it going?
How's it going?
And she's, like, ghost floating.
She's, like...
She's completely not there.
Like, she's, uh...
Like, in her spiritual thing, we're just, like,
Hey, what's the update?
What's going on?
Hey, tell me what's going on.
Hey, what's going on?
And she's just, like...
But we're still, like, bothering her.
And, like, poking her.
I am completely unaware of my surroundings.
You could be, uh, uh, uh...
Fucking drowning me right now.
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
I just imagine Roos is, like, poking her.
And is, like...
Not so big now, are you, Xenos?
I was just, like...
Uh...
That hit me more concerned.
I'm like, come on, Kelron.
I was just joking, you know?
I was just kidding.
Come on.
I'll kill your other friends, but not you.
You used my favorites.
You used my favorites.
Don't give me the silent treatment.
Oh, God.
All right.
I'll check this one last room.
Okay.
So, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, you come into this room.
Because I haven't even described what this room is.
Oh, God.
So, we just memed through it.
We just memed through it, didn't we?
We did.
As you come into this room in your nose, too, to take a little bit of a bleedy-bleed here.
You can tell that this room is filled with fine wines.
Ooh.
It's a solarium.
So, it's, like, you know, the 40k version of a cellar.
There are five monks cowering in the corner of this room.
Um, they can't see, of course.
Um, but there's five of them.
Uh, one of them is a dark-skinned, uh, man who is, like, decisively making hand motions to communicate with others.
There is a tanned woman fervently recording things onto a vellum paper.
There's a twitchy woman, um, who's tending to another man's wounds.
Uh, there's a pale individual, um, who's praying.
And there's one who is intently tapping on walls and, like, listening for hollow spaces.
Um, there are the five of them.
And then there's another one, the injured person, who is, like, moaning somewhat.
Like, ugh.
Uh, please, help me more.
And you can tell that it's strange because this fellow is in the same, like, attire of the monks, but is speaking.
Hmm.
Um, and as you see this, you...
Step back!
Ah!
Ugh!
Ugh.
All right.
Ugh, shite.
Also, I have to bring attention to the fact that it's called a solarium.
It can't be called a cellar.
You gotta add the eum after everything.
No, no, 100%.
You're goddamn right.
The...
I went past the pantrarium into the solarium.
The pantrarium, you say?
The pantrarium.
Did you see anything, Toronto?
Yeah.
All right.
Immediately to the west.
Oh, the room where we got, uh, uh, jumped.
There's a little supper happening for about ten of the little, little green ones,
stuffing themselves on whatever provisions they could find in the, uh, uh, storage room.
What?
Uh, then, keep going, uh, west of that.
Uh, or, uh, uh, uh, yeah, keep going.
West of that is the proper storage room.
North, there's a room with some casks, uh, uh, what's the monkey word for it?
Wine?
Casks of wine.
About five of your people cowering in the corner.
Uh, uh, uh, one's severely injured.
Uh, uh, one can speak the rest of power and pray in, that sort of thing.
Wait.
Alive, at least.
One was speaking?
Yes.
But this is a place where the monks are sworn to oaths of silence.
Yeah, that is the mystery, isn't it?
Um, I mean, the guy was injured and he was moaning and groaning and begging for them to help him more.
So, that's worth interrogating.
But we will have to run past all the little ones first.
I mean, not like they're particularly fast at the moment.
They're properly stuffed on just whatever they could find in there.
Well, then, I suggest we go and meet with these other human survivors.
They may be able to ascertain the location of our prize here.
Worse to worse, perhaps we could lend medical aid.
Yeah.
Uh, given a little bit of time, I might be able to, uh, walk through the wall to our friends.
If we're trying to avoid the little ones.
We can't let them live.
All right.
On the contrary, we may be able to let some of them live.
Right.
Yeah, I'm sure you could take them into your freaky-deaky little laboratory.
Laboratory, whatever you call it.
The one who's currently occupying my cavitated chest.
Yes, you could probably use some orderlies, and I could modify them.
Put a few shape charges in their head if they get unruly.
Maybe a little bit of servitor conversion.
I think I might be able to work with this.
Sure.
Look around and see, uh, what orcoid this, well, psycho-conditioning might take.
Sure.
Guess if you're gonna do it to any Xeno, I'd rather it be them.
Let's go on.
They'll make more of them anyway.
Might as well take the little ones.
They won't be missed.
So true.
Hey, the door's locked.
Door's locked?
Door's locked.
Door's locked.
Door's locked.
Door's locked.
Yeah, where it says open the door to stop.
Hey.
Open it up.
Door's stuck.
Door's stuck.
I can't make it, man.
I can't make it.
Try now.
You, your genuine dick sucker.
Yeah.
First, we'll lead the way, uh, as if on cue.
Yeah, so for you, I gotta immediately, like, two cameras.
Get ready on the other door.
Don't worry, Zoran.
I'd like you calm at sliding over the table.
Just summarize.
I don't think I'm gonna roleplay at all.
No, you're, you're just walking through it, like, source style.
It's just colliding with you and bracing.
This G-Mod collision sounds.
Now, Roos, I have an important favor to ask you.
You are a muscle here.
You're not the most deft, but I think you can manage something like this.
If those Gretchen in there is what Kerana saw, their two descended to fight back, you may be tempted to slap them around until they resemble small green stains on everything but their skeletons.
I'm going to ask you if you can restrain, tie up, just roll them up in a burrito, cat style, whatever works, as long as they don't die.
Restrain two of them.
Do whatever you would like with the rest.
You, you won't wait to show mercy to the Zeno, sir.
Oh, no, no, not show mercy.
You're merely restraining them.
They will receive no such mercy, Roos.
What do you take me for, a sycophant?
Some kind of, oh, some kind of peace-loving, heretical pansy?
No, no, no, they're going.
Oh, okay.
I'm a man of science, Roos.
That's not what I do.
Well, just say, we only had like two mini Zenos on our team.
I don't think we could fit another one.
I mean, they're not going on our team, but going in the lab.
I might strap them to my back.
Worst case scenario, they turn into reactive armor.
They are going to be quite expressive, so they can react quite well.
No guarantee, though.
Do your best.
Okay.
Preemptively, I'm vetoing the screaming armor.
I'm merely strapping them to my back as a temporary solution to stuffing them in my chest.
All right.
Everyone got their guns reloaded and ready?
Yes, yes.
Alois says, how the hell did you get into the Inquisition?
I know many people, and they simply do not ask questions if you do what they tell you without question.
Preaching the door.
Bruce turns around, man.
That's everyone getting to the room before he activates the other door and to initiate his rat.
Preaching the door.
All right.
All right.
There's like a little fat posse of grots waiting for you.
A fat posse?
Um, you were pretty loud in your shouting statements before.
Yeah, we're not very stealthy.
No.
So, um, so yeah.
So, um, the grots were waiting for you.
They're all standing there.
Um, let's be honest.
This is like my vain attempt to dissuade you from casting grenade in the opening.
I've ran out of my grenades.
I would like to do something else, though.
Yeah, yeah, I'm out of grenades.
Well, what's that?
What's that we're going into?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
I'm just saying I'm not doing something else.
Um, this is a mob.
It is a mob.
So.
Yeah.
Yeah, so.
Okay.
Who would like to go first?
I do have a thing, but I'd like to confer to the group.
Uh, basically, I have a funny improv scene to potentially try.
Uh, but if somebody else also had a thought of something like that, I'd like to give someone
a chance before I just hop on it and take a spotlight away.
Do your thing?
I'm thoughtless.
Go for it.
Okay.
I was just going to crack open the chest.
If you have a bit, fucking go for it, dude.
Yeah, I'm using your bit.
Uh.
I'm using your chest thing.
As Roos kind of like, boom!
Just like, foot just bashes through the door.
He sees all these Gretchen.
Like, just in first impression, are they like, oh shit, it's a big guy?
Or are they like, yeah, we gotta get him, boys.
You know, they are looking at you with like their tiny little pop guns raised.
So, as you come in, they're like, ha!
And then they see a giant Ogryn.
So, there's kind of just like a stunned reaction, I think.
So, taking initiative of that stunned reaction, um, I am hoping to, if I'm convinced of using a Wrath Point for a narrative declaration for this.
Yeah.
To potentially kind of add in for the scene.
I want to intimidate these people.
Now, Roos has a roll of basically three to intimidate.
I want to basically have them fall in submission so we don't have to spend, like, an hour of combat.
Um, basically.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, are you saying that fighting Gratz is not worth your time, Zoran the Wizard?
Pretty much.
Um.
Oh, well.
Damn.
All right.
It's like, for someone saying background, it's at minus 30 dB.
It's supposed to be, otherwise, if I do this, it'd be loud as hell.
So, fair background, people.
Like, it comes loud as hell in my ears.
Um.
So, basically, what I'm wanting to do is have Roos kind of burst in and go, boom, she's all, you know, I'm the biggest and baddest now.
And if you want to end up like him, you're just going to have to follow me.
And he points to Aloysus, which, hopefully, on cue, he opens up his chest to show the Orc Head in there.
And he'll scream, like, we've already taken care to you, bosses.
Where's the door, boss, now?
Uh.
And Roos is just screaming, like.
And Roos is just like.
Wah!
Wah!
Wah!
Wah!
And, of course, he invites anybody else to help him try to intimidate these brats.
Uh.
How would you like for us to resolve this, Thirsty?
Because I want to use a wrath point to at least allow people to, uh, participate if they want to help out.
Yeah.
Um.
Sorry if I'm breaking, like, an order or something here.
I'm just trying to, like.
No, no, no.
Everyone.
Everyone can give me an intimidation check.
That's fine.
All right.
Uh.
Are we assisting him?
Are we all making errors individually?
I'll roll mine first.
And then we go for everything.
Okay.
Okay.
Sounds good.
Sounds good.
Sorry, Thirsty.
I was making an assumption.
Go ahead.
My bad.
No.
Um.
That.
That's.
That's good.
Um.
It's going to be based off of, uh, the difficulty will be one.
Okay.
I have three dice, so hopefully this does something.
I got a two.
Or technically a three.
Yeah, I got a six.
And a critical.
Get a point of glory.
Yippee.
Yippee.
Yay.
Who else is going?
I will assist.
Yeah.
I mean, fuck it.
I guess we can assist.
Yeah, I suppose so.
Might as well.
I got six dice.
I got.
Four.
Three.
Add a cream.
You had best to listen to him, or else he'll crump you good.
Dale's going to crump you good if you don't listen to me yelling of gits.
Bruce has dealt with many orcs in his past.
And it's kind of hard to do the ogren voice and yell at the same time without sounding like
an orc.
Yeah, that is true.
Because of the cockney accents.
Or just because basically ogrens are the human orcs.
So they all mix together.
That is four successes from me.
Every one of them looks up and looks at Aloysus's chest.
It's Mork.
It's Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
The head of Mork.
What?
Mork.
What?
Yes.
The head of Mork.
Oh, no.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Oh, my God.
And if enough of them think that, it might start doing it, guys.
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
Hold on.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Mork.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no.
Wait a second.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure, sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thurston?
Yep, for sure.
I would like to look at the Gretchen who's insinuated that this is the head of Mork upon
the Silver Throne.
And I would like to raise my hand to that one and shoot a bolt of electricity towards him.
What do I need?
How do I need to give you a good roll or do I need to give you a wrath to just vaporize
him instantly?
Like, like, like, I mean, you can, you can vaporize, like, like, like, what are you doing
to shoot the, like, like, your arc pistol or?
I'm like Dr. Manhattan, no fuck off.
What?
Just pulling my arc pistol at him and just, like, goodbye.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, have we just evolved to the fucking point where Hulky's like, I would
like to narratively declare I have the powers of Dr. Manhattan.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm holding, I'm holding.
The arc pistol is part of my arm.
The arc pistol is part of my arm because I have an integrated weapon.
That's one of the three, uh, talents that I took.
I am shooting the arc pistol at him, but it's, I'm just holding my hand out to him.
It's just for cinematic effect that I'm just gonna completely waste this fort for daring to insinuate that.
Yeah.
You know what?
Sure.
Okay.
Sure.
Do it.
Give me an attack roll.
Absolutely.
Like, we've just, we've just forgotten initiative is a thing.
I like, whatever.
It's okay.
Rules are, the rules are guidelines, y'all.
That one merely forgot its place.
We're simply in the weird phase of is it combat?
Is it combat?
Schrodinger's brawl right now.
Here's, here's your ballistic skill test.
And it's a complication.
Oh boy.
Thurston, I will choose to ignore the complication.
Oh.
Sweet.
That's gonna make my next thing that I wanted to do to you.
You're gonna kill one of these.
Excellent.
Just bzzzt.
This one speaks ill of the new mech boss.
The throne is powerful.
Many more energies come from it.
Oh.
I'm just gonna.
I would like you to make me, as we just learned, we're gonna do a corruption test here.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Um, I, I, I believe that, um, given the, given the current state, uh, situation, let's go with a difficulty three.
Okay.
Okay.
And, um, you know, give me, give me a difficulty three corruption test.
Party.
My sweet, sweet party.
Yes, child.
Yeah.
Can I perhaps convince you to give me maybe one glory?
You can ask after you roll.
Oh.
Oh.
Right.
Pardon me.
But I like that you're pre, you're pre-gaming here.
I, I am pre-gaming.
I am.
I'm a cautious man, Thurston.
I'm not smart, but I am cautious.
What'd you get?
Oh, so close.
I need one more success.
I have two so far.
Yeah.
Just take two glory.
All right.
I'm going to take two glory.
Mark it down.
Yeah.
Oh, no dice.
No.
Also, I forgot multiple people like raft their previous things.
I'm going to mark you all down one.
Uh, all right.
Oh, you do have one of your wrath diet left.
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
Unless you spent two wrath diet.
I'm not aware of.
He did narratively declare.
Oh yeah.
Screwed.
That's right.
Get dunked.
All right.
Oh yeah.
That fixed.
All right.
Whenever you do spend one, just, just scream in my ear.
Sometimes I'm monitoring a billion windows.
Good.
Good.
All right.
You gain one corruption point.
What else happens, Thurston?
Of course it happens to the inquisitor.
And I get a rune point.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
That's okay.
That'll puff out.
The throne.
The throne.
The throne.
They start crowding closer.
Kind of like, like the way I would describe the scene is like Roos is like one of those,
um, workers at, you know, like Disney World who's trying to keep the swarm of children away from like the Mickey Mouse character who's like has to go somewhere.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Well, give them a command.
They're, they're still intimidated by me, right?
Oh yeah.
Like they're, they're, they're scared into submission.
They, they're just like, hey, back off.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
No.
Only.
He, he steps in.
Boss.
Yes.
Oh, wait.
My, my character.
Hold on.
There we go.
Oh no.
The little grots are all just like looking up.
No.
They're weedy goblin eyes like.
No.
Also, I have to remind you, just they're so fat.
They are very fat.
They're so fat.
Yeah.
Where's the rest of the boys?
We don't still come with some of the inmates about it.
One of them like, looks at you.
I don't know where the, the big, the big ends is.
Yeah.
He raises a finger and points directly past you.
To the room you came in.
Oh.
Oh.
Is that the only room they were in?
They're already dead.
I'll excuse them.
They all look at each other.
Does that mean?
And then another one.
We can.
The third one.
Eat all we want?
No.
Food's mine now.
Unless you want to fight me for it.
Oh no.
Bruce.
Bruce.
And if you think otherwise, you go look at the corpses outside.
I'll mingle you just the same.
Like there's this moment where they start like looking at you, looking down at their belly, looking at the food, looking at you.
Like there's, there's some calculus happening in, in, in the orgoid mind here.
Sorry.
Let me.
Let me interrupt.
Cause I didn't give him ample time.
My bad.
I'm going to just lean in.
Bruce.
These Gretchen seem to worship you as a god.
I might have a plan to dispose of them cleanly and easily.
Uh huh.
But you'll have to follow my lead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Prepare them for the baptism of Mork.
Hey.
Boys.
Yeah.
This is, this is our prophet of Mork.
Any points of it all then?
I knew it.
I knew it.
The prophet said this round.
You must prepare for it to be baptized.
Listen to his instructions.
That is right.
You are all going to follow me.
We are going to induct you into a right and proper, uh, crumping and flash right of, uh, gubbins.
But, uh, you must wait for a moment for Mork, Gork, uh, Munger to, uh, bless you.
Just follow me.
They kind of were like, where are we going?
The foods are here.
I'm going to leave them.
I'm going to leave them.
I'm going to leave them.
I'm going to leave them.
Yes, but there's something more filling.
Much more filling than food.
Ambrosia.
What?
Um.
Too big a word.
Too big a word.
Uh, uh, good food.
Best tastier food over there we found.
One of the more rotund ones.
I really like the food here.
You'll like the food when I'm taking you even better.
It's the best food.
It's the best food.
It's the best food.
And if you disagree with me, I'll cut your terrible little head off.
Okay.
What about this one, this other, the, the, the south here, this table?
He's still eating.
He's still eating.
Bruce just grabs him like, you're coming too.
I don't want to come.
I want to keep eating.
He hits him.
You're coming.
Okay.
All right, everyone.
Follow me.
I'll show you where the good grubs at.
You've been caught up in the tide.
I don't know if our mind is linked, but I'm, I'm thinking of doing something really fucking terrible with these guys.
So I don't know if you have the same idea or not.
I am taking them to the pool.
Okay.
I was going to have them throw themselves into the fire to find the higher food and works plain.
That's sort of a cousin to what my friends.
What the fuck?
Here, let me move.
Let's make it easier on you, Thurston.
Just let's move ourselves up here in a group and then have Thurston just drag us where we need to go.
Yes.
We don't need to do this panning and shit.
You're all fucking moving around.
Yeah, there you go.
Okay.
Let Thurston figure us out here so we can move along in the scene.
Gotcha.
There you go.
It's a lot of tokens to move and Foundry's not like to stab you sometimes.
Well, I'm just going to set this scene up.
It's going to look like the stupidest, most jank fucking thing.
One sec.
Oh, God.
Let's just feel like a coherent mass.
It's like closed doors, locked doors.
We're all entering inside the bathrooms right now.
We're moving like a million tokens.
Yeah.
And, uh...
Stop moving, Aloysius!
Okay.
Oh, there we go.
All right.
You're all here.
Aloysius sets the door.
Behold!
The holy water of Mork!
Should you drink this water?
Are we there yet?
I'm hungry.
Uh, I kill one.
Okay.
Make an attack, girl.
General!
Okay.
Okay.
And you missed.
Please tell me he's out of ammo.
Please tell me he's out of ammo.
Oh, God.
And he misses.
Oh, my God.
So, here's what happened.
You fucked up so bad, you somehow blinded yourself.
Blinded.
Actually, you read your own complications.
An attack causes me to perhaps become temporarily blinded.
Perhaps I attack punctured a steam pipe.
Blasted dust in the air causes something similar to obscure your vision.
I think I cut one of them in half that was holding just a whole bag of flour.
And it came all up in my face.
Oh, I have some bad news.
You actually missed.
Yeah, you only got two successes.
The DN was three.
You only cut the flour.
Uh, actually, if you target...
What is the DN of these guys?
What's their defense?
Their defense three.
Okay.
Also, be sure to target a creature next time.
So, because I think they did an update where they actually helped with the targeting mail.
They actually updated to the current boundary.
Am I about to use a wrath to kill a grot?
No, I'm not.
I'm not going to use my last wrath to kill a grot.
Okay.
What?
Uh.
Bruce tries to take the initiative.
Oh, you're a evil spirit!
You see?
Mook is angry at us.
Listen to the prophet!
Oh, God.
I am the great prophet of the war.
Oh, God, get this off of me.
Here we go.
I'm going to make a Medicaid test on the good captain.
okay yeah please do
and you're complicated on the medicaid oh my fucking christ stop the pigeon
these guys are more dangerous okay can i point out i want to say something i want to like
like stop the stop the clock for a moment this entire thing was prefaced with zorn being like
i don't want to do hours of fighting with gretchen like this is better
we're role-playing an encounter this is we're having fun i know i know i just like that your
initial thing was like we'll get through it so much faster and it's like well now we're gonna
find out who grot jesus is in here anyway i lose an item oh excellent one sec please lose your soul
stone it's still a stone have one of the grots eat it i feel like that tick tock thing of that cat
just go like crouching on something hard oh my god calerado just whoa
the like the grots are swarming around you as you're trying to undo the blinded effect and
there's just like this like stop stop stop let me help and like they're clambering on your sides
and like hey quit quit it quit it hold on i'm trying to oh god there's too many of them
by the emperor oh god uh here we go oh like take her sleeve and wipe it off
can you see i can see but oh my god corona it seems as if you have lost some of your war gear
that some that could be important like your weapon or something small as a point of ammo
the loss might be temporary or permanent one temporary or permanent
yeah i just lose my whole uh corsair armor i i've already reduced the item
wait what did you take who knows we'll find out
all right wait a minute wait a minute i saw what you took you son of a bitch
what did he take i think he took a plasma grenade
conspicuously on the map one of the crots went out to the corner alone
all right are we all ready for the prophet to speak his words yes
when are we going to eat well first you're going to drink all this water here um each of these are
my anointed just grab two gretchen's please everyone just grab two just yes
two questions to a person just grab them i don't want to touch them one of them one
of them raises their hand like they're in elementary yes yes you
um we're gonna drink your water
uh yes you are um shout out i i i i ate a lot of flour
like a lot of flour oh
okay okay
all right well has everyone got two gretchens have have all gretchens found a holy prophet to go to
oh no cross there's still the one in the corner are you not your back is turned to all of you like
you're in the back you're in the back we need you here that you're the most important one
shiny gubbins we don't get over here we gotta crop you
i want to beat you i want to beat you to death with this one he lifts one right
why does he sound like mark twain
play the clip easy
you don't have to we don't have rights to it
the grot turns it's got a manic look in its eyes why i i don't need to listen to any of you i have a
new god and its hand goes up up aloft to hold an eldari plasma grenade oh i know everyone get down
i know what you're doing you made that you turn this into a hostage situation
you know what
right up and start
hold on
hold on
with an
urinal did i go get woke and start
bam bam bam and start just rip this arm off it can't stop you
i swear to fucking god if you complicate on this
what would you like me to roll
oh god
athletics to beat him to death
just just tear mark and twain come on you can't fight
give me a fucking weapon skill test
going in with your big meaty fists
i did not complicate and i did hit him successfully for three precision strike i may say
you grab his arm
um and like you you see his arm like tense up around it
i snatched the grenade away from him
cracks
he starts crying
now get back and do the ritual
he starts like crawling like on one good arm
at last the ritual of mork a god i believe in can begin
can i have my grenade back
wait a minute
in a minute okay
i'm just i'm imagining bruce having roll up to this poor fat turgid little gretchen just like this
kid just comes up to him
what what is this image you're posting
what the
fuck
excellent he just appears he just
fucking donkey cogs okay
beautiful sure
10 out of 10
the ritual
i don't i yeah okay they're yeah sure they're they're they're the things in the toy story machine
now this is what's great so has has each there's how many gretchen there's two four six eight
ten nine oh wait yeah you killed one you killed one earlier so and there's four of us
so roost do you mind grabbing three gretchen yeah he gets three all right all of us grab two gretchen
and now the rite of purification and i'm gonna give everyone the signal and we're gonna
fucking drown two gretchen in the pool it's time for kids drowning them
i'm going to have a synchronized drowning session as we dunk their little heads under the water until
the bubbles stop
all right yeah none of you can call us murder hobos this is all warhammer
exactly all right all right this is really what the scene calls for
if we start doing this in rock rind then i'll start to understand
let's do opposed athletics checks for these all right athletics yeah so let's start with the captain
because he initiated the the murder ritual what is my difficulty uh it's opposed so there's no
difficulty because i'm gonna roll and we're gonna compare excellent all right
that's gonna be four successes excellent okay one sec here
four
four
and he critted
they're wily you start doing this fucking drowning and their heads pop and you realize now that grots
grots have a decent athletic score yeah they do have a pretty decent athletic score yeah
you're like having a problem
stay under you damn little rodents okay kelrana your turn all right
i don't know if this is gonna go well for me it probably won't let's see what happens
never mind i'm i'm as god uh why am i targeting alden i drown alden instead
yeah four successes drown him the grot complicates the grot fails and complicates harsh environment
i assume well the terrain has flooded for them the terrain has become flooded for the grots
let's read out what it says for pocket says there's harsh environment the environment changes
masonry collapses revealing another path of particular foe the terrain becomes difficult
flooded or visibly lower so that's why we're like yeah it is flooded isn't it
it's like there's some kicking there's like absolutely like kicking on the side of one of
these like these lavatory basins it knocks water down waters all over the floor now it's slippery in
here this one's like all right bed time but you you yeah you managed to night night two of them
let's all go to sleep forever
very good type one and chat this is what you came here for
go ahead hulk and i hope to do huh let's figure we're saying something oh let's figure my bad go
ahead i was gonna say i i i bet aloysus is gonna have a fun time drowning his grots yeah he will i'm
you i'm so glad you brought that up aloysus is gonna put his hands on both of the grots before him
mm-hmm use boys you will serve at the hand of cork on the silver throne but only one of you
will make it which one of you has the will to survive which one of you is the greenest the meanest
and the strongest
oh yeah we've entered the pokemon battle sphere here
i'm trying to get away from this from kingmaker man
all right grot a it's gonna actually no hulky you're gonna roll me a d2
absolutely top is this boy bottom is this boy i need to know thurston i need to know
yeah does any one of them hesitate oh no cool you have the head of mork on the silver throne
all right the top guy's going first so you like you make the declaration like you have to fight
you must fight to serve your god uh so he immediately pulls out his blaster and shoots the other grot
the other grot pulls out his grot blaster and fires please please complicate it as well
oh no he's gonna hit he's gonna hit
does nine damage okay the resilience on a grot is
yes yes i am very happy you
you are chosen i will not drown this one i have big plans for him oh
please invest in the followers feed what's i'm going to what's your name little guy
dude you're going to become an orc by the end of this campaign
his name uh oh no you wanted to know his name yeah what's your name his name is chosen chosen all right
chosen welcome to the crew
they treat the xenos really good here
i'm gonna drown you
so i'm just gonna like shift roose up to here i think where he's holding on to these top three
roose kill these savages absolutely all right i gotta do uh actually roll your athletics check
oh that's not a good i'm actually i'm not gonna be beaten
i'm wrapping that
what did you spend your wrath points uh drowning gretchen in a bath
okay okay okay okay one sec one sec one sec one sec
there's two extras
we're pro gamers every person
for podcast listeners i originally rolled like a two
now i got six successes so i have a shift fairly so they have four athletics and they get plus one
for each one who is like assisting here so this is going to be they're going to roll six dice
and four
got some rune points sure do
i do think it'd be really funny and also extend this and we'll never finish the adventure
i'm gonna re-roll this god damn it oh shit oh man oh they're fucking wily there's seven
roost you're having problems drowning them they start drowning you they're on like your arms and they're
like are we doing it right
okay can i get anything anything
any bonus because they think i'm the boss
and they still fear me i'll let you kill one of them well actually if they are scared they would
have the fear condition waiting that their stuff would go down
i i will let you i guess the difficulty will also allow you to drown one of them god
god the other two are like like on your shoulders yeah yeah he wasn't worthy yeah yeah
he's like he's like yeah he just no instead of drowning because that's what they're looking for
he'll take one and crush his head just you know that's what you get if you if you don't get your
baptism now get out of there
he doesn't get to see gogumok
he goes to a place where there is no fighting there is no shortage he's nothing
he goes straight to heaven
he goes to our christian god
he's gonna wake up early on sunday
he's gonna die
he's gonna die
hey nomine patry
thank you
it's free to stand
okay that's what it is
well i didn't i didn't successfully drown either of my grots
no should i roll again
yes okay
please god
i like that this is the extension of like every party's encounter at ttrpg it's like they get their
first chance to murderize some goblins but we're like one campaign path in virtually two and you've
given like the equivalent of a nascent god the opportunity to do anything in the universe they use
it to torture the smallest weakest creatures in the setting i i also just like that it's like all right
all right guys it's gonna be a waste of time to pull out our guns and murder them and now it's
just like fucking drown these little bastards if we had just pulled out our guns
oh my god and they rolled a seven because they've rolled three sixes
what the
what the
why are they so strong
are we are we getting baptized good boy
i'd like to be chosen can i be chosen too oh when are we gonna eat
we will eat when we get back to the ship we are not hungry yet
i can't feed me in there shut up hold on hold on this can't be right hold on i've got them all in
my grip yes yes just make them fight for which one's most worthy they'll kill themselves oh i so
i'm holding them in my grip i'm just going to see that this drowning isn't going to work
i'm running full tilt with them running out here into the fire
oh my god
that's going to be next round um
kill rana she's going to look at the plasma she's got three corpses around her yeah she's
going to look at the plasma grenade on roose's belt consider pulling the pin and decide against it
i'm gonna look to the two wily grots that are struggling on roose and i'm gonna all right
oh still would you would you would you like to go what about
i feel like that is the way to enhance this bit but i'm gonna hold off for now
oh my god all right where's my where's my nice proposal counter offer uh-huh no keep going
that was hit me with it no it's okay keep going my bad um oh my god where's my smite where's my goddamn
smite you're sweet you lost that ability when you drowned your first grot
asurian has bound you away from heaven
the mandate of asurian uh let's see that
find it did it get deleted off of my sheet
i don't know where i dropped you i dropped smite the grots looking up at you like smite me almighty smiker
what if i just cast flashbang instead
that was so like that was very sad like it was just like what
you know what i'm instead of that and instead of fucking with smite i'll get that in a second
i'm just gonna help roose i'm going to assist roose with an athletics check
to drown the rat the rest of these little goblins
oh i'm sure roose will appreciate the assistance
yeah do i just roll it or do i do i give him my uh i drag smite over i found it
oh i got smite well i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna drown him first smite will be plan b
okay are you assisting roose or are you just doing it on your own
uh i will assist roose because he's got the meaty dice pool all right all right
um aloysis we go back to aloysis that uses me on my turn so when it gets on my turn you roll
uh aloysis you've got the chosen in front of you what are you doing now
i am mork and this is gork you have been there
who's brutally cunning and who's cunning but brutal you christian in the profits of the war
what why why indeed send your brothers find which one of them is worthy
he means get more of them fighting and then they crumping oh okay
uh looks over at the ones that are about to be drowned by roose looks to captain alden i'll go get these
ones
all right everything is fine zenos thank you which deno
you're gonna have to be more specific i have a name i have an ulcer
yeah yeah yeah making holes out of stress baby
is it all voices does or you got it yeah is there anything else you're doing or are you just dispatching
your me are you spending one action to direct your minion of course work smarter not harder i'm
going to smoke a low stogie yeah excellent all right um it's tough to be a god you know
oh oh no
this is the best as the head of mork i understand
put a low stogie in the
my friend as long as you stay on my good graces i will show you how much
wonderful things we can accomplish together including these babies they're quite nice
bruce
safe athletics now now odo can assist me
yeah uh my strength is two all right do it all right so i just roll straight uh just straight
strength correct yeah okay not d and 13 d and one um nothing
helping i'm look i'm not gonna roll that high here so hey you only got one two three four four die
yeah and i've got a i've got a beat of five yeah you're not gonna make like multiple sixes aren't you
really that'd be silly that'd be ridiculous there they are
but they do complicate they do make you complicate they do complicate
okay i'll roll the complication hey until we get through this come just take a cup of glory and beat the roll
just to get past this
i don't know
i don't know i don't know what's the matter you're probably fighting before never role playing
xoran what do you want dad it's not good enough for you it's not good enough
it's all over but the crying nobody's crying for me
it's just one glory just one glory
it's never good enough
and then big front of the goblins and drown the goblins but oh we're trying to the goblins and they
got it off for you and it's all in
the schedule this is delaying it we only got so many hours to do the episodes
we've been here for two hours
that's not enough hours apparently we're gonna be here for five more episodes
i can make one melee attack and kill all of them because that's how mobs work but now you're like
this fits funny you're a streamer you're right no we're gonna we're gonna be here for five more
episodes this is the first trial the next episode's gonna be the second trial
it's the cross to the rat
i'm gonna be the pure warhammer player
all tactics no fun
bro is absolutely wacky bro is showing up with his oh god what's the better right now is it still
iron hands or we're gonna see what happens
the party has to glory take a glory man okay okay
i'm gonna roll a raw d6 huh i should be like a two it just didn't even matter
well i got a four success one yeah
that's good
i'm just gonna roll the complication though oh i'm so excited of course
physical mishap you're clumsy or tongue-tied or do something you didn't mean to do causing a problem
uh the problem is is that roost drowns both of them
go by him boss
yeah teamwork all right speaking of the boss
uh-oh
wait wait wait wait the chosen runs up
what what i mean what i mean what mark says you two have to fight
and the other will be chosen but they'll be chosen they look at their fingers one chosen two
that will be your name whoever survives wow he can count to two
i i fine yes what i need to go i need to go i need to go i drop them and i just walk i just go for a walk
you know what i'll let you know if i run into anything if there are any orcs i'll call for you i i just need to
i need to i get i need to
captain's having a very normal time right now
hey um hey captain yes could you roll me a d2
yes
oh no this is awesome
true cool cool could you give me
yes yes awareness test yes i can uh oh what's my dn
uh give me one sec uh one second just yeah just give me a moment here i just need to
do a little thing um
okay uh can you can you roll uh uh the difficulty is going to be two don't worry guys it's just a lord of change
that's that's four successes with a crit and the point of glory like you go in here
through this room and you're like like like and like i i assume the captain like understands enough
that he hasn't really explored the door to the south yet and kind of takes that moment to calm himself
yes oh deep breaths all right hold on remember your training
okay okay okay look at the nut and then you hold fast then you start hearing something
from from the other side of the door there is guttural talking
oh no oh no and what you hear what you hear chills you to your very soul okay
and you hear the sound and and there's like all right lads you's gonna be better than those other
runts in the kitchen i'm turning you grots into shape i is
huh i lock the door okay
yep that's fair then you walk out um i believe you rolled a d2 so um the lower grot is going to
attempt to shoot the upper grot first that's that's totally fine i am yeah i am in a trance-like
state good eggs just walking he's meditating oh in fact i'll push whoever this grot is whether he's
one or two over okay grot grot two is gonna miss so grot one you're gonna push grot one over
yep just gonna push him over okay
knock this one out of the way i'm chosen shut up a push pass aloysius he's chosen
there's a second gunshot as the other uh grot draws
oh no he hits but it complicates uh-oh oh well the weapon malfunctions there is a kabang
followed by the other grot dies i'm chosen too you're worthy you're not chosen to
i'm worthy okay i've renamed this grot to worthy yes my power grows i made the gm change a name
you come in like captain yes you barge past everyone you come in to see that roots is like
just finished the fucking like drowning of the last two
good job might i have your attention please uh-huh yeah i have some other sobering news
all right um there are more of them oh okay and i
i i feel a tightness in my chest and won't go away and i uh i should have you know that i have
i participated in ramming actions less stressful than today's festivities
i really do fervently hate orcs now
well um i'm glad to be here to experience this moment with you you you have done very little
actually
come on
come on that was cold captain ouch
you are you are you are no i you have done very little to earn my ire
my friend yeah my esteemed comrade yes yes kev no those things are so nice of you to say
i
i
i trust
that these grots will not make it aboard my ship
where he chose it shut it
if i find them in my sitting amongst my ranks eating my men's rations partaking in my men's liquor
i am going to go apoplectic and once i go apoplectic and i take my hat off and i rest it on my chest
i will tie you and your grots into the next torpedo salvo and i will fire it from the conquest class
from the bird of paradise to the center of the nearest sun one of the gretchens raises its hand
it's chosen for those keeping track yes you what
yes question yes what does apoplectic mean
i'm serious aloysius i close the door
uh you have my word captain they won't make it in one piece
carona's gonna raise her hand yes carona
um lest we forget uh there were humans in the next room over that we were gonna tend to
oh they're surely dead by now
we're just writing them off
those people they might be that nah
fuck it they're dead
they're fucking they're dead nothing worth checking over there the ghost of
fucking zoran who's like begging us to advance the plot
everybody ripped bodily
everybody back in the harvest the shrine worshipers can go fuck themselves
that's uh uh you know if there are more you know we could go and
bunker down with them and wait you know so they don't get killed by more
green skins
carona are you suggesting that we spend our time not around these green skin savages
aye aye
you
are a genius
thank you
let us do that
i swear i wasn't buzzer this morning
i think uh maybe some uh some box breathing captain
ancient eldari technique it simply must be uh you two you're still alive
i'm worthy i'm chosen yes you are
yes you are and i'm going to continue walking
i love watching the slow descent of speaker into urndil it's great
how foolish of me how childish to believe that i would have been anything close to a straight man for
this party is that what you thought yeah seriously i was going to be a little bit of like a stale
cinnamon roll but i was going to try and play a straight man that went out the window real
quick yeah no no way man at the end of the day no matter what as long as you're playing
something that you're having fun with that's forever taped up rpg that's so true i pat my straight
brother that's right brother you don't got to be anything but having having a good time
he says i would never force any of you to be straight that is true
i said we basically go back to the kitchen and uh we're gonna go find the we found the humans
how is it worthy yeah um you start making your way uh back towards aloysius are you
doing something alone in that room with all those green skin corpses no i don't i don't need their
bodies yeah if you guys okay yeah you might want to move your joke oh uh i'm in the assumption that
they're right by us um bruce will open the door and then move through into the other room yep these are
wow wow when you come into the large store room yeah uh your a wine room is uh up that away yeah
got any wine we just open the door okay is human wine any good it's the winarium oh no they're here
the winarium stay back
one of the one of the the wounded uh kelrana which you would you would recognize as the voice the the
wounded monk who was was kind of moaning and so forth looks up as the door opens stay back
bruce looks back to the crew leave out i don't know if i should kill her diplomacy yeah i think the two
of you who are visibly brandished in signs of the imperium should step up have no fear i am captain
alden rosh of the rogue traitor vessel bird of paradise i am here to liberate your world or rather
this island from the ongoing green skin infestation i am not an orc i hate orcs i hate grots most of all
i am here i am in control how are you they all look like wide eyed at you
they they don't the wounded ones look something you don't want to be loud
why is that because it disrupts the creation of the holy tarot cards here
what well i'm afraid the orcs have beat me to it gentlemen
i promise i won't disrupt your blessed meditations a scant second longer than i need to for any distance
i can put between myself and this misbegotten world is too little now i have two things that i'm in need
of three if i am daring to be generous the first is i have offers of medical aid i have with me two
valiant medicaid trained officers one a mechanicus one a disgusting mutant yes i know have no fear
they are house trained now number two i have need of a blessed thigh bone from a saint on which this
island is named after an inquisitor lord has beseeched me to obtain it you must inform me where it is
number three i would like to know where the nearest and final orc boss is so that i may send my
scions to eliminate it and be done with it once and for all that is all i need
give me a leadership you got it boss difficulty four you got it
very nice that is seven successes oh uh well as far as i know and like the wounded one
the orc the orcs in there in in in in the refractory
huge large cunning fellow had a had another one with a big gun
best excellent best excellent that the thigh bone i i believe is in the solarium on on the other
side of the the monastery uh the the eastern side i see well that is very good to know there won't be
any issues theological or otherwise should i take it for the inquisitor's bidding yes no it would be there
with all of the survivors uh the others they barricaded themselves and set up it's it's
really close to the lavatories i see very good all right and i assume you're in need of medical
attentions oh yeah yes i would i would take some yes uh carona aloysius if you could tend to these poor
unfortunate souls no boss oh so in pain and so in need rest assured i'm happy to serve any of those
who are producing the emperor's tarot i respect your divine arts yeah um let's see here you want to give
me an insight difficulty through actually four uh aloysius sure
oh i didn't do it almost so close uh can you say a glory or two yeah you sure can wow thank you wow
i would like to spend two glory and maybe roll on this one something that's a four higher yeah
that's nope that's a 1d2 uh i i get an automatic success that's what that means that's not how
that works at all okay i you know what i tried i my orc psychic power is not that great yet he's trying
to fucking cheat no i'm changing the rules of the game i'm changing durston i'm in control now
hey i don't get the consequences of my actions i got one for you
whoa okay um it's enough for you to tell that this speaking monk is strange not just because he's
speaking but um like he's trying to get healed has been very forthright with information
there's something going on with this guy you you you your spider sense is tingling
i would say that
but but now that my cogitators are worrying if memory banks serve your kind here aren't supposed to
be speaking are you not exactly the talkative type from the survivor that we met
yeah um eloysis will put his uh automatic arm at the shoulder of this quote-unquote monk
the gun is still in place you can't really use it much other than basically putting a gun to
somebody whether or not he knows it or not tell me dear friend
what exactly do you do here
i encourage you to speak freely and with his free hand he'll gesture to the giant rosette on his chest
which would you like to use intimidation or persuasion intimidation or persuasion i will use intimidation
uh can i mean i haven't said anything is there any way i can assist does anybody have a higher intimidation
baseline than moi um i got my intimidation is five i could potentially assist i'm at six
oh yeah then you beat me by one yeah
uh i could assist with the leadership or cunning
but uh that'd be that'd be up to dm discretion
um i will allow you to contribute but you can max out it like two two bonus on that for okay
okay i think it's very fair for both of us
yeah unless like you're aiding with intimidation like oh i am aiding with intimidation then you're
and i just roll my baseline willpower yeah okie dokie let's see
oh they're not very good it seems uh you get two more from me i get three successes and that's two
from odo and a complication from speaker uh five successes and a complication so it's enough to give
a success but there's a complication from the good captain lost item so in orbit my ship slowly
beginning to deorbit yeah every time i open your inventory i do love the like
that sweet sweet imperial frigate you put in your inventory it just stares at you that's what's
whispering to thurston like the one ring no so would you like me to you know i don't have any ammo on
my hot shot volley gun um unless you want me to suddenly become de-robed uh i have my power sword
why'd you give him that idea
oh you said you could take away my hot shot volley gun
i've i've decided what i will take away from you well i'll remember this all right damn it speaker
i'm no longer work trader off screen meanwhile off screen my ham smidely whiplash has come to take
your warrant of trade uh captain's ready there you say
uh all right so with that with with a a successful um successful intimidation here
uh okay okay okay okay okay okay oh i was planning on smuggling some of the tarot decks out
oh to whom
um just some people who were looking for some some sets they're very expensive they're made here and
sent off world to rich people there were some people locally i'm so sorry oh
oh no no no it's just a smuggler you're certain that is all that you have all that you're planning
to do what else do you know i just feel the orcs came and i was very scared are you the only
member of this outfit i'm so glad i can talk again oh
um could i potentially roll um some intimidation not intimidation a cunning check to see if i think
they're being legit uh you can tell actually you you don't even need to make a check you've you've
you've okay so these are legit yeah he's just like breaking down and he's like i was trying to steal cards
man all right you better have been telling the whole truth
because you know we will have to remand you to imperial authorities for stealing tarot decks
i believe i'm recalling penal code
a servitor adjustment may be in order for you
oh dear friend
how long have you gone on with this smuggling outfit this is your first time i just started
working here man oh
feed them to me
we're not feeding them to you there's like a little twinge in your arm like you feel this compulsion to
open the chest cavity but you manage to control it there's like this slightest little bit of control
i'm going to have to debug that when i get back home
captain
yes aloysus a moment of your time
you have it come with me
all righty then i will follow aloysus wherever he deems me to go
i was sincerely hoping that would have been more fruitful of a breakdown
normally these types that ingratiate themselves and integrate within monasteries they have some
kind of ruinous affliction or some greater ploy at play but this is a simple smuggler
i don't think i really get much you said of lobotomizing him
yes perhaps you should avoid lobotomizing him goodness sake are you beginning to realize that
perhaps that's not the solution to all your problems of course it's not the solution to
all of my problems it happens to give me a great deal of free labor and more research subjects but i
relent that this is not an appropriate course of action in this situation where he a bit more
experienced and deft we may be able to incorporate him what is a life debt but a new opportunity for an
enterprising road trader to acquire some harder to get materials this one may use a little work if you
happen to know the right connections pull the right strings i'd say we keep him out of imperial custody and
you might have a little boy to run around and do whatever you don't want the already prying eyes of
the inquisition leering at you from the dark i could care less it's not really my purview to turn him in
but my compatriots and more orthodox peers may not feel the same yes or i could have an extra group of
scavs running about my vessel de-incentivizing discipline and causing a loss of morale throughout
the ranks nonsense i could just fit a bomb collar on him or put something in his spinal column whatever
you would have me do aloysius you're already bringing home to my ship which i am the captain of by the way
an orc head and two grots
i don't think that we also need the first scabs we find off the street they might be able to provide
some utility but until they impress me with their means or prove themselves to be men of ambition and
aptitude i do not go through the gutters seeking whatever clings to my hand fair enough do you know
the approximate value of an imperial tarot set how much how much do what i know how much the average
tarot set would sell for the the average one yes but these ones are made specifically they are like they
have psychoactive crystals in them you know that that's why they're made in complete silence or at
least that's the intent of their creation is to make sure that they can get just the correct resonance
on the crystal for when it's created uh so you know that these are like like like each deck would
be i don't know like the modern equivalent of buying a yacht
your average imperial tarot deck would be something put this in terms you may understand captain
like buying a fairly nice skimmer to take on some paradise world if memory serves these tailor-made
ultra luxury tarot decks would be the equivalent of buying a luxury barge to take on these paradise worlds
each you there scav how many of these decks did you procure
he sort of like looks up um a few how many the cash of them
i need numbers i work in definites and absolutes like a dozen oh a dozen yards captain
you know aloysus just when i think you might be just
to tattoo eccentric for me you prove your value you've earned your keep today
thank you for your insight as always captain all right i've been able to discuss matters with the
inquisition you'll surrender all of your contraband directly to me
in exchange for this it's in it's in it's in the storeroom to the south i put it in the bags of flour
so i assume the moment that we left um alden went running at full tilt uh back to the room of
drowned grods yes
this can't be right this can't be right
just to keep a bodyguard going
yes absolutely uh i will begin uh doing ad hoc autopsies of the fattest of the grots
all right all right uh give me a i don't know what's a great uh probably a medicae yeah
i don't know if it's panning over you we'll just keep the scene here yeah
let's see i run back and get a look
i i don't know how to do any of this
sure i'll i'll get them
ah it's so nice to be needed okay you don't have to go all over there
for just keeping the scene here so we don't have to go back and forth no no no wait for the
viewers and only the viewers we can i have to go all the way back i'm not painting the camera
put your token back okay i'm coming back to the cabbage room
i'm walking through walls
oh you're doing it all wrong captain oh
fine then you do it
idiot takes a deft hand hold on
there we go in my cogitators
seven successes but i do complicate
my god all right click the complication button for me
harsh environment it's wet oh it's wet it floods more oh it's wet you like have the like the steamy
flower plus liquid like sludge it's like covered in oobleck
guck boy dinner
no it's not boy dinner
this is not in fact boy dinner
no it's gruel it's cruel it's gruel
this is flour and water corn starch and water is
oobleck silly me stupid stupid i should have took a cooking course
okay all right i root around in the trot's guts what do i find
all right you find two and a half of the emperor's tarot oh my god
there's at least two two decks it's it's not quite in the greatest quality though
it'd be like a sports car now okay at least it's a sports car
uh huh yeah this is definitely not a c rating that's it that's all that's left just that maybe
there's more flower bags in the other room quick to the flower bags go back to the flower bags
all right spongebob
run down the hall
um so uh question for you thurston you said that these uh these decks are psychoactive specifically right
uh would sign of science let me sense them
um
um you could you could give it a check so
all right i'll i'll do that uh uh unbind
uh i'll i'll give it a shot
just let the demons inside you rolled so many dice oh my god filled all of them
you only got one success out of three six seven nine dies i'm gonna use a wrap
what i'm really excited to go back to rock grind on a related note
everything happens so much everything happens so much there we go i got a critical
god critical go for the podcast listeners you want to tell them how much you rolled and all
uh yeah i rolled five six yeses i got you podcast people re-rolled hey hey you working at working
right now going why did they roll i got you man i got you i'm gonna say i'm gonna say the number out
loud i remember like three years ago we you know more than three years ago we first started rock
grind i remember zorn saying make sure when you roll something to say what you've rolled for the
podcast people and god bless us we still haven't once hey you want to know something yeah literally
today like i'm gonna date this episode we are recording this on january 15th today is the day i
left paizo to make this happen oh wow oh my god i have been doing this for four years full time
and we have been doing this technically at that point um like in a technical sense doing all this
tabletop stuff uh we have been doing this for around that time so that's insane i don't know
exactly our anniversary would be like i would probably have to go find like whenever we made the
establishment like the papers and yet but like uh i'm pretty sure our like anniversary like in
october or some bold garbage but uh we need to keep track of that yeah like not we didn't think
there's less this long we didn't think it would expand this much i thought we were going to get
a couple hundred dollars and we would just split it but we're just that fucking ordeal hell yeah
that makes me feel really happy man i feel all nice and warm and fuzzy it almost makes me forget about
all the terrible things that have happened to me today the terrible things that have happened to
you today so far that's true okay you can always get worse yeah thanks for tolerating me for so long
oh oh fuck off with tolerating you we love you shut up beating you beating you beating you
yeah regardless um you did your sign of science yeah i did my side of science all right
your your your your sign of science directs you to a worthy target oh no
well what what captain yes what uh these um these these thingamabobs are yours they're um
psychoactive yeah as far as i'm aware yes well my psychic senses are tingling and telling me and i point
it worthy one of them's got a little bit in his belly so not sure what we do about that
aloysius come here i'm coming
you have two options
your first option is to perform a gastric bypass on a grot
and get me my damn tarot cards i want my yacht cut that crud open to get me my yacht the second option
is i will cut him open myself and i will fashion him in to a pair of green leather boots the choice is yours
chosen
yes i'm chosen he comes over no no no it was worthy i know what you said chosen yes
worthy has been marked for the first rite of ascension find me a motor
okay what does this mean
if memory serves or coins will believe anything with the proper amount of faith invested into it
ergo we should be able to convince this one that the engine will do the job that the stomach or
whatever passes for it normally does in their physiology
how utterly how utterly barbaric roose imagine a following a religion purely based on faith and
not evidence in the god emperor of mankind
oh goodness yes he is real
yeah like a few minutes later you just hear this like
awful like dragging metal sound like
as this grot comes like with the motor like
it was in the scrap file is that like a car engine
yes yeah it's a it's a twin turbo it's a boat engine it's a boat engine
well we were talking about did i succeed was there anything smaller than this
um was there anything smaller than this
um
no
i will not regret what we will do later to you
find me some do you know what a servo wait needs layman terms for all cards
i need a hinge and some large pieces of metal i need to make him legs can you find me those things
what the fuck is happening i have to make a cyborg
it's it's the only way thanks adventurers for sending people over we appreciate it
guys we would be done if we just killed all those gods so
we gotta literally require this for your podcast thing or something but to explain for you guys coming
in currently we're playing war humor right our our tech guy okay meloice is here uh is currently trying
to fit a v8 car engine instead of a grot stomach um and we are doing our very best to shove it into
him in replace of his stomach so that he can stay alive using wog orc energy for him to believe he stays
alive that wretched little boy has a sports we waterboarded and killed a whole bunch of other
grots so you're in for a good time this little boy has eight but he's not a little boy he's a
he's a little green shit man he has a sports car inside of him we can make so much money i will
take his stomach i will put the car engine inside him we will make mistakes into miracles
yeah my profit factor is secure
hinge hinge hinge okay hinge yeah can you go get a hinge okay bye all right i'm learning so many
things about orcoid biology today captain it's wonderful i love it i raises her hand yes carona
um not to interrupt or anything um what about the voices from the south oh my god maybe maybe they
are right maybe we should all be killed holy hell how did we forget about the orcs you know it's it's easy
to forget what with all the sports car in and the uh uh solariums and the the flower yes yes uh as
soon as we get this sports car out of this grot i promise you we will kill every last green skin in this
abominable village right right um ripper gun old radio cube whenever you use ready boss yes yes thank you
russ you are uh lovely as always i've been waiting very patiently as you've been playing doctor and
playing mechanic with the you know monstrosities of man yes i i do admit you have been quite patient
usually i'm more exasperated with you than i am with the others that will never happen again
um second hi there hi there i got a hinge that's fantastic chosen comes back it's just one
it's also it's also from a door oh my god
somewhere in the sacred monastery
there are there are so many options there is a pile of mechanical scrap in that other room
there was there was no hinge there was no augmented limb there was no sort of machinery you you simply
took a door hinge and brought that back to me
uh hinge and he answered to you like look how cool it is
wow thanks i reiterate i'm not going to regret what's going to happen to you later
do you have another quest for mark for me
go find another grot who's still alive and set him on fire please okay thank you wait where's worthy
wait wait wait do do any of the rest of them have
have cards in them
what do you mean
what do you mean
i mean you know
chosen
for context we're trying to find out these tarot cards equivalent to the worth of a real life yacht
for us in a in our world and these are very expensive so we're just dissecting them
um yeah they ate some yeah they ate the money did you check the rest of them where's the money denny
where's the fucking money i've been here in five minutes the ones that we waterboarded did we
check them uh why don't why don't you go double check for us before i i die before i just before i just
before i just die before i just my heart gives out and i lay on the ground and you have to bury me
and i just die go do that please okay thank you
i'm gonna go hello worthy i'm chosen
i don't care
i hate this this is the best this is the best isn't it better isn't it better than an hour of fighting gretchen
gretchen
instead of you know technically just killing them all and playing a game
not the role play and now we're playing doctor with their stomachs for money what happened i i'm
gonna person you wrote this adventure i sure did write this
any time someone goes dad i'm gonna get spoilers like no you're not no you're not inside inside any of
these these wonderful little grots could potentially be anywhere from a sports car to a super yacht
they're kind door kegs next time you get on the prices right or like go to oprah or something they're
gonna be like now this is now now cut up your own grunt for a brand new car and just
they just tear them apart like animals there's a grunt under all of your seats you get to kill and eat them
yay i'm gonna pat chosen's stupid little green head um i'm gonna walk out toward the baths
okay i'm gonna trip him on my way out just to be his asshole
and i'm gonna i'm gonna
punching down no matter what always punch down the elder way
this is my this is my son worthy and his brother chosen
chosen uh being dejected walks up to the captain and begins pulling at your coat
what what could you possibly want for me
okay is that all
he's avenging his brother the third quest
great
what was that again
i found another one like me and set it on fire where did you find it
it's the red turd room
take me to them
i i don't know if you want to go there
why is that
the red turd was very angry
as were the other
as were the other nine crats in the room
were you followed young
worthy
no
i'm gonna lose my mind man
my mistake
i just can't tell you about children
when you die what do you think happens to you
i've heard stories i've heard of this awful place where it's
and this grassland pearly gates and nobody fights they called it heaven i don't want to go to heaven
i'll have an idea of what happens to grots when they die apparently they get set on fire
i
i wish i died many years ago
ignorant that my life would be like this
if i may
you should serve the silver throne
what's a sterling idea young man
i'll get right on it
i'm not young man i'm chosen
hey
it takes every ounce of my willpower
guys we gotta move the plot
we only got 27 minutes left
or whatever
we only got so many minutes left before we get to time
everyone everyone everyone
i'm sizing a
aloysius
aloysius
it may be for the best for us simply to tell the inquisitor
that the mission could not be completed
and for us to leave this place and not return ever again
i'd speak of this to no one
but captain
hold on
captain i have to shove this engine into this crot's torso hold on
how could i forget of course
uh worthy uh finally emerges from from all of the stacks in the storeroom
uh with a noticeably larger belly now
oh no
is the belly making an engine like
is it just making a little engine noise
did it did he do surgery on himself
no i assume you've been working on it in this room up here
and you were about to go stall he has walked out
his belly is bloated and his face has white dust all over it
oh my god um
which i found my boxes of the yum yum
captain
yes i don't thurston
thurston
hulky crow
this is not the rules of the system
this is not the rules of the system
we have evolved beyond
i'm glad we have grown beyond the constraints of wrath and glory
thurston i don't have a a wrath to spend here
can i just punch his head off so we can take whatever he's eaten before it digests into petrol
punch his head off
i gotta get the goods
we gotta go
don't you he didn't make it
can i make an attack on him okay
it's time for the stress test we're not in this adventure
weapon skill roll every every episode is one room no success is at a complication
i'm too good
my creation
past problems
read past problems through the listeners at home
something from your past comes back to haunt you an old wound flares up in pain or you're
distracted by a memory you's not gonna hurt my child
what
i'm sorry why did i ever hurt our gay son
our sensitive gay son
our sensitive augmented gay son
i'm sure you find yourself unable to strike as somehow the orc that you have embedded or
head that you have embedded in your chest has begun to gain some measure of of motor control over you
and both worthy and chosen look at you and go he manifests
oh no
oh no
dude i'm not even mad
we're just so close to bailing these
grunts move on
these grunts have caused more trouble
that
that is yes
bruce
if we make it back to the ship and the head hasn't taken over yet
i need you to be prepared to punch the heads off smooth in case it takes over he puts a hand on
his shoulder
i'll gladly beat your ass not my ass there's oh
beat their heads off
i'm worthy i'm chosen shut up can i just cure them now sir
yes
got it son he doesn't listen to the voices at all
superior commander
gives him the order he attacked which one's to the north
which one is to the north
haven't you been keeping track of
i've used their names a lot
combat begins
i should have done this a long time ago
do they do they allow me to perform the execution
to you have to attack them i need you to make a weapon skill
right bruce choose one flip ahead sir tails i chose the top one i hit him with the six and i
chose him he is chosen you have struck chosen i'll roll the damage
wow i got nothing extra on that regardless it's eight
i will apply um i actually applied damage on you you know uh roll critical hit two on the die
that's going to be crimson ash the attack smears into the foe using flesh into a charred
ruin the assault where where's the target in burning fury making a smoldering mess of sinew
and bone the target suffers three wounds and is on fire are we sure it's not worthy because
that's the one who's combustion right now no no he had chosen i'm so
so he's got to be dead
how many rune points do i have no it's dead it's dead we got five minutes left
it's dead it's dead i'll put the dead token i'm like instead it's dead
hostile player hostile player
i should have declared a multi-attack so i can stab the other one worthy gets to go next
oh my god wait wait wait we're the kid we'll only have one gretchen now maybe this
you'll have less of a psychic effect plus he's like half of an engine now
okay he's he's gonna do the thing
he sees that chosen is dead now chosen and he goes at roost and this is where we find the power of the
close combat grunt y'all all right all right let's see combat grunt i want him just to roll one die
i hope the engine gets hot
he misses yeah he's got a knife he has a knife
all grats got got a little stab he wouldn't he would have had a blaster but worthy was the one who
had their gun blow up with the misfire it like goes into like the back of your thighs and the blade
just breaks looks up shadow wise willem defoe from lighthouse i'm worthy
who would like to go next i'll go next excitedly wants to kill i'm gonna smite him uh i have a very
important question wait wait wait wait wait wait yes you really want to kill this crowd you know
you know thurston what would you consider the end of the scene
um when the grunt dies i think we can say the scene is over okay so
oh no go all out dude yeah don't even go on down to do the do the next one which is
the highest level what's the name of that one transcendent yes
yes transcendent there we go
so people who don't know what that means so as a psyker every time you complicate weird warp stuff
happens it's a it's a detriment to everyone sometimes you'll you'll get feared or suffer
some damage and different terrain stuff like that if she uncaps herself that means she rolls multiple
complication die or multiple of these like like die that can trigger into complications so if it's
three of them she could potentially summon a bloodthirster which means mega demon is going to kill us all in
one hit so she's got this so we're doing it for entertainment for entertainment so what i'm hearing is
that you're you're telling me i i am fully removing myself from the culpability of what happens with
this role you were telling me to go transcendent zoran t wizard yes okay crackling lightning like flying
slightly off the ground this one grunt looking looking up
okay i believe transcendent lets you get two extra wrath dice so i will be rolling three wrath dice correct
my dn is three i've got a wrath in the tank or a a glory in the tank just in case just in case
yeah you got this what could go wrong what could go wrong there's all there's one um you know
do you like to wrap it yeah i would thurston i would like nothing more than to wrath
love it this psychic role do it do it i'm scared chat has been so generous and you know i i think i think
that we need to we need to there we go there's another one oh that's not good sweet sweet uh
luckily you can shift once but sadly you need three shifts to do anything so all that all that got you
was was a complication was just more complication so i'll get you to roll damage here let's see what
happens with that uh-huh three mortal wounds three mortal wounds
can't shrug it that grunt he's dead he really is worthy he really is worthy anyway what are my
gonna need you to click on that oh life drain everybody suffers to shock which you know what
i feel like that's fair that's fine just on an existential level yep yep no complaints here
it's so it's finally done
it's finally done
that felt good do you remember measuring from me i was measuring within 25 meters to see you hold 25 meters
i i guess i just killed everybody in the solarium
ruse do you remember when i promoted you to ensign
yes said and you promoted me to officer yes yes
you're being demoted back to non-commissioned officer
oh come on hey what did he do wrong i'm sorry but he's simply not worthy
that's what we're going to call tonight's episode
congratulations everybody next zero gain this episode uh remember to follow everyone's
socials here you can follow me at zoran the wizard or zoran the wizard dot com everything that i do as
i smash my head to get narrative declaration going hokey where can they find you hello you can find me
hokey crow at twitch and pretty much every social platform so bisky x at twitch the same name i like
my voice over and i do twitch streaming sometimes it's fine you can find me there and odo where can they
find you you can find me uh on the discord at odo just o-d-o uh you can find me on blue sky as
odo bites and you can find me on tumblr.gov as odoroshi rider speaker where can they find you they can find
me at speaker d dot b sky dot social um uh yeah i could give you my ex but i don't really use it
anymore it's your ex my ex is super snake kick
but of course thurston where can they find you hi my name's i'm chosen um no uh you can find me
on all the things at oncology um this has been an experience everyone and of course if you like
to everything that we did here you can follow us at patreon.com forward slash narrative declaration
if you want to support the shows and get our exclusive campaigns and stuff like that that we
do or you can watch all the shows that we do now we release some of these shows bi-weekly after they
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description below all that to help you find it on your favorite podcasting platforms so with that
thank you everybody so very much for watching we will see you all next time so long
bye-bye everybody
bye
don't be worthy
don't be worthy
don't be chosen
chosen by me wait no i