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Welcome to The Limitless Podcast with Deanna Herrin, your space to elevate every area of your life. Designed for ambitious souls and entrepreneurs ready to unlock their full potential, this podcast combines mindset mastery, leadership strategies, and transformational insights to guide you toward living a life of abundance and alignment.
Through empowering solo episodes and thought-provoking guest interviews, Deanna reveals the secrets to building confidence, creating meaningful success, and breaking through limiting beliefs. Whether you’re redefining your purpose or scaling your business, this is where the journey to your next level begins. Let’s shatter ceilings and embrace the limitless possibilities waiting for you.
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Website: http://www.deannaherrin.net
You are listening to the
limitless podcast. I'm your
host. Deanna Herron, what if you
had no limitations keeping you
from your dream life in 2016 I
had a major tug on my heart to
write a book about my story, and
in the process, I learned that I
had been operating with a very
faulty belief system for the
majority of my life. I've had a
huge transformation since then,
and my life's passion and
mission is to teach you how to
live a limitless life. Join me
on this journey. Let's get
started.
Hello and welcome back to the
limitless podcast. This is
Deanna Herron, your host, thank
you for being here, and I'm so
honored to be with you on this
Tuesday, I have an amazing guest
with me, someone who has been a
part of my life for the last 16
years, who I love and adore so
much. We have such a special
relationship, and I wanted to
share her with you. This woman
is when I think of a neat Dean.
I think of a woman who has this
innate ability to build such a
beautiful family community, but
a woman who has so much spunk
and so much fire that she is
able to build a very successful
business on the side as well.
And so I have looked up to her
for so many years, and adore and
love her so much, and she has
recently become a certified
parenting coach and educator,
and I'm super interested in
that, Anique. I'm interested for
you to share that with our
audience, because I think so
many of us struggle when it
comes to parenting, but
specifically, you know, just
there's really no rules out
there on how we are to do that.
And so it's like we are just
going by what we were taught.
And sometimes that wasn't so
good. And so I love the fact
that you are in the field of you
really want to educate people on
how to parent, parent Well, and
that's really something that
I've seen in you for 16 years.
So thank you for being here. I'm
honored to have you, and I would
love for you to share a little
bit more about your precious
family and how you got where you
are today. Well, I'm so excited
to be here. This is like a total
honor So, and you're one of my
favorite people, so I'm looking
forward to this conversation.
Well, I'm I live up in Canada,
in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, with
my husband, Brent, and our five
kids. I always knew I was gonna
have a big family, like at four
years old. I wanted to be a
mama, but I never expected five.
And I have four boys, one girl,
they are all teenagers now, and
it's just gone by so fast. When
we first met. I mean, we were
introduced to each other through
our wellness business years and
years and years ago. And I
started with, you know, I was
pregnant with our twins, and
that's kind of where I got into
building a business alongside
being a mom. And now I was a
school teacher. I was raised by
two teachers. You talk about
this parenting thing, we all are
kind of trying to stumble
through and figure out in life.
A lot of times, it's from what
we've learned, and that's from
our parents. And I was very
fortunate. I was raised by a
kindergarten teacher and a
school counselor. My dad was a
teacher and then got his
master's and became a counselor.
So I had amazing role models
growing up. So parenting, I feel
like just felt natural to me. I
always loved working with kids,
and then I became a mom, and
then I was working, and I was
away from the kids, and I knew
that when I was done having
kids, I my plan was that I would
be home. I had married a very
cute Canadian hockey player, and
he happened to have some life
goals, which was thankful
because we met when we were very
young. And so I was like, he's
gonna be a really successful
accountant. I was gonna be happy
to be at home taking care of
kids until they were kind of
school aged. And then I thought
I'd go back to teach, and I came
across a great business so that
I could have both. And I never
realized until that point, the
importance of having something
for me outside of being a mom
passion. And I mean, we're
multifaceted beings, and I
think, I think there's so much
to offer our children when we
also have something for
ourselves. So that's a little
bit about my background that's
led me to now my kids are older,
so my kids are now almost 15. Is
my baby, which is crazy, and
then my twins are 1719, and
almost 22 and so as the kids
have gotten older, I've also had
more time for me, and again,
that's stirring in me to expand
and grow and getting curious
about what else is there. I
turned 50 this summer, and so in
the last few years, I've really
gotten into leaning into getting
educated in parent coaching and
education space on top of my
education degree that I already
had, and that's led me to know,
yeah, so beautiful, yeah. So I,
you know, I remember when we
first met, you had just had the
twins. I mean, they were baby
babies, and just watching you
parent throughout the years,
just always with so much joy,
you know, everything about you.
Was just filled with so much
joy. You had joy in in your
business. You had joy in your
family. And I think that
attitude and the way that you
have created your family
environment, because we as women
are the emotional stability. We
are the ones that create the
family environment, and you've
done such a beautiful, beautiful
job with that. And you have had
your I've watched you have your
boundaries. I've watched you,
you know, create discipline when
discipline was needed, and it
was so beautiful for me to
actually witness that in you.
And now your kids are older, I
would love for you to share
like, maybe one or two stories
of like, I can think of a great
parenting story that you shared
with me, but one or two stories
of just great parenting, just to
give people like, just a little
taste of some things that you
have walked through on your
personal journey. Oh, man. Well,
there's so many. I mean, I think
my kids growing up in a
household where I was running a
business from home and raising
them along the side, I did. They
did learn boundaries and very
early and expectations and
respecting each other and each
other's space and boundaries.
Trying to think of a specific
story, you need to hint at me
what story you're thinking of.
Well, the story that I was
thinking of is something that
you, you told me very recently
with one of your teens, and it
was, there was a little bit of
an expectation that you needed
to pick up what you were doing
and take them to school. And I
think they had slept in a little
late. I can't remember the story
I I've had like, it's, it's
constant. There's so many
stories over the over the years
and over the days. So one of the
things, yeah, one of the things
in particular about this story
was there was an expectation
that you had to drop whatever it
is that you were doing and take
them to school, which was, you
know, five or 10 minutes away.
It wasn't very far. And, you
know, because they chose to
sleep in, it ran into your time.
And what was amazing to me is,
you know me as a mom, and
looking at a lot of the moms out
there, I think you know, we
would have like been frustrated
because we're not using our
voice, setting our own
boundaries, and we pick up, take
the kid to school, come back,
and then we're mad all day
because we didn't honor our own
boundary. But what you did in
that moment is, like, you can
walk like school. It's right
there. You can walk. Are you
recalling the story? And that's
also, I think, learning how to
respond and not react, right?
And which is a skill, I mean it
we didn't know. We didn't know
what the word regulating your
nervous system was a few years
ago. And so we have to do that
as parents, which sets the tone,
because we have a fully
developed prefrontal cortex. And
I say our job as parents is to
be that for our kids that is not
fully developed till they're 25
and so that is us regulating
ourself first and understanding
what and it's different for
everyone, what works for me, and
we need to have things that can
work quick within. We need to be
able to switch that when we're
getting really triggered, and
knowing what those triggers are.
So I'm on the phone with you.
We're chatting, and yeah,
someone I can remember it now
walks in and is like, Mom, I'm
going to be like, like, can you
drive me? Can you just drive me?
Run me to school quick. And my
kids all know you well, so
you're right. It's like, well,
you can just call her back, kind
of thing. And I was like, I'm on
the phone. You can walk like
we're walking distance from the
school. And I think the other
side of it is a lot of parents
of especially teens, are very
worried about their teens liking
them. It's a pressure to be
liked and be the fun mom. And
I'm like, that's about you.
That's not serving your child,
right? And they have so good and
unique roles and
responsibilities. And so our job
is to create children who are
competent and independent,
because they're going to grow
and fly the nest, and they need
to be able to handle those
things on their own and to be
resilient and to figure things
out. When things get hard, it's
so easy for us just to solve it
for them, it's so easy. It would
have been so easy for me to say,
You know what, I'll I gotta go,
Deanna, I'll just call you later
and run her to school. And she
would have been happy, but I
would have been, you're right. I
would have then been resentful.
And so instead, I held a
boundary, and she learned, okay,
Mom's not gonna drop everything
for me. And then she is learning
how to be resourceful and figure
out how to get herself to
school, and if she doesn't want
to walk to find someone else to
drive her right in the
household. Yeah. But that was
such a beautiful moment to
witness, because most of the
time we have this in a something
in us that's telling us this is
my responsibility as a mom, and
it's not setting that boundary
and teaching that child that the
the responsibility. And I think
that's the piece that a lot of
times is missing in parenthood,
is this is your responsibility.
This is not my responsibility.
And just like you said.
Are learning to respond instead
of reacting, yeah, and then it's
also giving your children the
tools to regulate their their
own nervous systems, because
that's different than a parent.
So for for us, it might be my
kids are older now, where I'm
like, I just actually need to
leave the situation for two
minutes and go to my room where
it's quiet, and take five deep
breaths, or maybe I need to go
for a walk, or I need to get my
feet out into the grass, or I'm
in the car with them, so I
there's, it's even just Turing
the channel and listening to
some music. For kids, it's
different. They I mean, they can
teens can utilize the same
tools, but with littler kids,
like even when they're getting
really worked up, like getting
them outside into nature, into
fresh air, giving them Play Doh,
something tactile to like work
with and play with Lego it that
is helping them learn how to
regulate their nervous system.
And when they can do that, that
we're teaching them how to
respond, because they are going
to react right and so as they
age, we're slowly teaching them,
and we're scaffolding these
skills as life goes on. Let's
break this down just a little
bit when you talk about teaching
children to regulate their
nervous system, for someone who
doesn't know what that looks
like, what does that look like
when a child has a dysregulated
nervous system? So it could be a
lot of times it's in transition
times. It could be at bedtime.
It could be in the morning. It
could be trying to get out this
door to school stressful times,
and they get the that this one
will see tantrums. That's when
we'll see them, like flailing
around frustrated. They're
learning so many things,
mentally, emotionally, but
physically as well. So I
remember my young my one son, oh
my gosh. He would get so
frustrated, like just putting on
his socks, and he would get he
would just get into a pickle or
getting a seat belt. He would
get so frustrated, so quick, and
then it would frustrate me,
right? Would trigger me, because
I'm like, Oh my gosh, we gotta
go. We're trying to run out the
door. So that's me, then taking
a really deep breath and being
like, I'm the parent here. I
need to pull my get myself
together, and then I need to
help him. And so it depends on
the child and it depends on the
situation. There's a so many
different but it's helping them
just calm their center and
getting that vagus nerve, it
can, you can teach kids how to
breathe when they're having a
temper tantrum. Little kids,
like, take a deep breath, like,
just by giving them the cue
count to 10, and he he, this
particular son knows that let's
count backwards, because he
would get really out of all my
kids. He would was the most to
get kind of rattled and get
himself very frustrated. Some
kids, it was like, Do you need
to go and have some quiet time
and read a book, settle yourself
down? And so it's we use these
words. We don't say to them,
it's time for you to regulate
your nervous system, right?
Let's, let's take some and maybe
it's holding their hands. They
may, might not want that. If
they want that, though, you can
even, like, rub your hands down
their arms and grab their hands
and say, Let's take three deep
breaths together. Ready. And you
see that with them. Yeah, you do
that with them. And you can see
their energy, but your energy,
and when your energy shifts,
your child's energy shifts,
there's a lot of mimicking and
mirroring with energy as a
parent and with young children
and with teens too. Yes, I love
that so much. This is so good
because I think as a parent, and
maybe I'm off here, but just
looking at my journey as a
parent, my central nervous
system was dysregulated. I was
under constant stress of
working, I'm more than full time
job raising kids, a husband that
traveled, and so I was on my
last nerve at all times and when
in a situation where you can't
get your seat belt fastened and
you can't get your shoes and
we're in a hurry because mom's
got to go to work, the reaction,
just my reaction, made the whole
situation different, and, you
know, much more elevated. Now as
a grandparent, we've settled a
little bit. We've relaxed a
little bit, and I can see the
difference in the way of how I
respond to my grandchildren as
opposed to how I reacted to my
children, yeah, well, and you
also have those skills, right?
Yeah? Know how to know you're
very in tune. You know how to
calm yourself. And as a
grandparent, we're, I mean, I'm
not a grandparent yet, but
you're with them. It's also
limited time, and it's right.
And when you're a parent in the
middle of, you know, raising a
family, holding the house
together, trying to drink all
your water, get to the gym, make
sure dinner is cooked, you have
groceries, all of the things,
it's a lot. And so there's not a
lot of moments for just us, and
that is so key for young
parents, and we do have more
time. I feel like to ourselves
as the kids get older, because
they need us less, but it's so
important as a as a young mom, I
wish I knew how important it was
to just take some time for
myself and my mom. I remember my
mom when I had my very first
baby, saying, You need to just
go for a walk around the block
without the baby all by
yourself, even if it's just 1015
minutes, and get outside in the
fresh air, you know, deep
breaths and right with a one day
old baby. Thankfully, I had an
amazing and still have an
amazing, supportive and fully,
you know, present husband and
father to my kids that I could
do.
That, but that can fill your cup
so much, because a newborn can
pick up on your energy like a
toddler can pick up on your
energy like a teenager can pick
up your energy. So for sure. So
when you coach and you teach,
what is one of your favorite
things to coach and teach when
it comes to acting, I think the
key if one, on one and and just,
if it's like, there's some
people who are like, I just, I
just need to talk things through
with you. We can do that an
hour, and I can listen and give
you some kind of nuggets. But
the most, the biggest impact
you're going to have is when we
do it, when we have some a good
chunk of sessions together, like
567, sessions together, and we
really dig into the parent,
discovering, first their
strengths and their kids
strengths, because we don't
think about that, and it's
interesting to me how difficult
that is for women to share their
strengths, and so we I help them
get really clear on their
strengths, and then really clear
also on their values and my
philosophy. And it always has
been, since I had my very first
son, and he was just a baby is
parenting with the end in mind.
And so purposeful parenting
means we are looking at, where
do we want these children to be
when they're 18, and then the
things I'm doing when, and the
decisions I'm making as a
leader, being a parent, I'm
leading in in my house, just as
I am in business, the choices
I'm making and how I'm
responding and the rules and the
expectations and that I'm
teaching my kids and the
modeling and the, you know, the
values that I want to share with
them, and I'm clear on what my
values are and our family values
are, it's very easy to decide
then how I'm going to respond in
a situation, because at the end
of the day with that for I
always say to my oldest son, I'm
like, you're kind of like the
guinea pig. I'm learning to be a
mom through you. Right? Right?
I'm like, I've never had a 22
year old. I'm about to have a 22
year old by the time I get to my
youngest. I'm like, I've already
done that this four times, and
you kind of it's a different
type of parenting. So I love
helping parents get really clear
on their values and their
strengths, and then from there,
I can offer some tools and
suggestions and strategies. But
at the end of the day, no one
knows their kids like the mom or
the dad, right? I'm like,
there's this, this and this, you
could do what and I and and
helping them get really in tune
with their own parenting
intuition, because they're you.
We all have that. I mean, we're
born with that. And then it's,
it's learning how to navigate
what aligns and feels right, it
for our family and our values
and where we want to head, and
then taking from the things I've
suggested, being like, you know
what I'm going to try this one
feels good to me. I think what
I'm going to do is I'm going to
give him options after school,
like, you know, choices,
whatever it is. I mean, we go
through, I give lots of
different there's so many
different strategies and tools
to offer. Yeah, tapping into
intuition period is something
that is so invaluable, you know,
because I coach women in
marriage and women in business
as well, and being able to know
intuitively what your next steps
are is invaluable, because when
you know that inner knowing,
there's no question mark, and
that question mark is What keeps
us guessing. Am I doing it
right? Am I on the right road?
Am I doing you know? And so
tapping into that is invaluable.
So regardless of if it's
parenting, business, marriage,
we need to know that inner voice
of wisdom, inner parenting
compass. And so when you're
really clear on your values,
that's kind of where it's your
beacon, it's your lighthouse.
And so when you have a child
that say, maybe having children
that are really kind and polite
is is a value to you. Look at
you think of your 18 year old,
and you want them to be that
person who's gonna, you know,
gonna hold the door open and
going to say please and thank
you, and well, then that's
something that you're going to
teach them from infancy. But
everyone has different values,
and most people, if we did a big
brainstorm, most people have the
same key qualities that they
want in their children. They
want kind children. They want
children that are competent,
that are confident, that have a
strong self worth, that treat
others well, that stick to
integrity. Some people, it's
more like having a really strong
family core is more important.
Some people, you know, academics
and athletics, but at the end of
the day, there's no wrong
answer. It's finding out and
getting clear what your values
are, and then it kind of helps
you just guide and lead your way
through parenting. A lot of a
lot more ease. So are you
looking for values in parenting,
or values in the person, values
in the person, values in the
person. Okay, who do you want to
be? Yeah, what kind of what kind
of adults do you want to who
showed into the world? Okay,
amazing. So when you said you
you start with the end in mind.
Can you give us an example of
how what was your end in mind
with your children? Like, what
did you really want? Yeah, and I
think, I think the automatic
answer is, people are like, I
want them to be happy, right?
But I'm like, deeper than that,
health is a real big value in
our family, and it's coming up
with those values.
Work together as a couple, if
you have that partner health,
because to me, without health,
we have nothing. And so my kids
saw my husband and I. They've
seen us being active their
entire lives, so now we have
active kids. They see really
clean nutrition. They see me
limiting. They don't see me
drinking a lot of alcohol. We
don't smoke or vape like so
we're modeling for our kids that
value of health, so they're
going to make healthy choice
choices naturally as they grow
into adulthood. Another one
would be kindness and how we
treat others and that deeper
caring, where you don't always
have to like everyone, you don't
always have to be friends with
everyone, but you need to be
kind to everyone. And on the
flip side of that, I mean, I
have four boys and one girl, and
so with girls, we can see a lot
of and I was this is that the
people pleaser, wanting everyone
to like me, also being kind, but
also having that confidence and
integrity to stand up for what
is right and when, to stand up
when someone is being mistreated
and not to get walked over. So
that's a very fine that's a
slippery slope, how to treat
your kid, how to be super kind,
but also stand up for what is
right, and stand up for
themselves and not get walked
over, right? Yeah? Because then
you are like, Oh, I'm not being
kind. It's like, well, yeah, but
it's not okay for, you know,
Tommy, to just bulldoze you over
every day on the playground.
It's okay for you to say you
can't treat me that way. That's
not okay. Those were big, big
years of navigating. I feel like
that's kind of grade one when
they're on the playground and
they're meeting those first
little friends and oh gosh, we
just want to swoop in and fix.
Like that's a big thing, and
that's so hard to not just go
fix. And then with teenagers,
I've dealt with it with my
teens, with friendships and and
we can't always fix everything,
and it's if we start fixing
immediately. We have to stop the
fixing when they're little and
give them the tools and
strategies, how they can handle
how they can be great
communicators, how they can
stand up for themselves, how
they can still be kind, how they
can advocate for the kids that
are getting mistreated if and
maybe that's them. They're hard
skills to teach. Doesn't mean
it's easy, but that's what
builds resilience. And I think
if you can have resilient
children and young adults,
especially in our modern day,
resilience is key, because if
kids have everything done for
them, and if they're not ever
allowed to fall down, and if
they're not ever allowed to
stumble or fail. We fail
forward. That's where we that's
where the biggest gifts of
learning are. And parents, it's
so hard, and I see that so much
in our modern world, where we
have a lot of swooping in, and
we have a lot of over
protecting, and we children need
to fall down on the playground.
They need to run and tumble.
That's that's physically,
developmentally, how we grow
physically, and that also, then
is how we grow our brain
develops as well. And so there
needs to be a little bit of
risk, physical risk in
children's play and in children
on the playground, that's where
they learn how to communicate
and with their siblings. I
always get questions about
siblings and fighting, and I'm
like, that's the safest place
for them to have a disagreement.
That's the safest place for them
to have a fight is with that
sibling. So I always, for me,
with siblings, I try to stay
uninvolved as long as I possibly
could, because that's where
they're gonna have such rich
learning and in a really safe
and it's the people who are
gonna love them forever. They
might not like each other for
certain, right, certain years,
but I mean, that's your safest
place to learn those skills. So
how, what do you what do you
teach your children, like, how
do they navigate that
conversation? Like in the
playground, you were saying, you
know, you can't treat me that
way. Or what is? What are some
of the things that you taught
your children early on, I'm sure
that they've carried on in to
teen years. That would be
helpful to the moms that are
listening on teaching their
children like there, there is a
we have to teach them to stick
up for themselves. Yeah, and
what are some of the things that
you recommend? Well, it's
interesting because I remember,
you know you and it happened.
It's happened with every single
one of my kids where there's
been someone that's been mean to
them. And you do that, Mom, that
you just like, well, this is
what you should say. No, we
don't want to like, give them
ammunition now to go back and be
cruel and mean. So what I
remember with one of my kids,
him coming home and like,
they're not playing with me on
the playground. And finally, I
just said to him, I'm like,
Well, do you want to play with
someone who doesn't want to play
with you? If Jimmy doesn't want
to play with you, there's 20
other kids in your class. Go
find someone else to play with.
So that's the one thing where we
also then, because what I have
seen a ton as a mom who had like
and my kids were born in over a
six year span, so I was in deep
at the elementary school. I feel
like I knew everything that was
going on, and there were moms
that just so forced friendships.
And I'm like, that's like, your
kid is not playing with my kid.
I want them to I want them to be
friends. And so it's like, well,
my kid can be kind, but they
don't have to be best friends
with your child. And so.
That is not teaching that child
how to then go, okay, that's
where the natural like, when you
look natural consequences of a
playground, of when you know
Little Billy's out on the
playground and he's being a bit
of a turd, and someone else does
push him back, or is like,
you're not playing. You're not
coming to play with us today,
Billy learns, oh, I maybe
shouldn't behave that way,
right? That's how kids that's
the natural learning. But when
we have parents so involved and
wanting to, you know, fix it,
even teachers, we need kids. We
need to give kids more space. We
over protect them in the real
world, and we like, we under
protect them in the online
world, right? We just, it's so
to keep kids quiet, we throw a
screen in front of them, give
them a movie where it's like,
because it's easier, it's hard
to for your to see your kid
uncomfortable, and to navigate
and fumble through those things,
and then learn huge social
skills through those situations.
So that's where I'd have those
conversations, and then also
saying to them, Well, what did
you do? Like, let's look at it.
Let's look at it from the other
kids point of view, you know.
And who else could you play
with? I love that too, because
you're not forcing them to look
at this one person who doesn't
want to play with me. You help
them see. But there's 20 more
over here. Why are we looking at
the one? Yeah, and we, we see
that so much in high school,
right? It's like that they want
to, there's certain people they
just want to be friends with. So
bad. I'm like, kids need to,
like, a couple really great
friends to be really well
adjusted, and they need one
really strong adult that loves
them, whether that is a parent
or a caregiver or it doesn't
even like you know, that's all
they need to help them get
through those childhood and teen
years, which is really amazing
to think about. You need one
strong, loving advocate. Yes,
yep. So many good, good nuggets,
any final example that you can
share when it comes to
parenting, something that you
see most frequently as you're
educating parents, well,
something that comes up lots,
which I just kind of touched on,
it to me, but is, is screens,
which you and I didn't deal with
when we were kids, and just
it's, man, if you can put off
getting your kids On screen
phones as long as possible that
the studies and the science
behind it are staggering on
their brain develop, development
and their communication skills,
their social development, peer
development. So I see a lot of
that, and I get a lot of
questions around around that,
and what to do about it, what
everyone like, you know,
everyone else is getting a
phone, or everyone else has
like, and you'll get that,
you'll hear that, especially
from teens and tweens. Well,
everyone else, and to me, I'm
like, That is the biggest red
flag for me as a mom. I'm like,
your teens, your tweens, their
job is to push up against you,
and your job is to give a
boundary, and their job is to
keep pushing until they find
where that boundary is. And you
may set a boundary, but they
will keep pushing to find where
the real boundary is, yes, and
so setting those boundaries and
being okay, I think the biggest
piece of advice I can think of
is we have to set aside worrying
about our kids liking us. And
this was something as a very
young teacher. I taught grade
seven in a high school. I mean,
that is 12 and 13 year old kids,
and I was young, you know, and
oh my gosh, I wanted the kids I
Oh, you go in. You just want
your kids to love you. But I was
like, my job is not for those
kids to like me. My job is to
teach them academics and how to
be really amazing humans,
because as a teacher, you're not
just going in and teaching them
math and reading, you're
teaching them social skills and
how to be a good human, and it's
a bonus then if they do like me,
and what I found is going in and
setting really clear boundaries
and expectations. My grade
sevens knew where the line was.
They loved me, yes, because what
your kids want is kids want to
feel loved or be loved and feel
safe, and setting boundaries and
clear expectations with
consistency is exactly how you
make kids feel safe and secure
in a room or at home. And so
what I see so much with with
tweens and teens, and it comes
to phones, then it comes to
alcohol and parties, and our job
is to be their prefrontal
cortex, because that is not so
that is your
big front of your your brain,
which is impulse control. It is
decision making. And their job
is to explore the world and
discover things. We're there to
protect them, and we need to let
them make mistakes, but there's
some, you know, pretty big
mistakes that we don't want them
to make. And so when we worry
about whether they're going to
like us or not, and whether we
worry about whether they're
going to like us saying, you
know, no, you can't go to the
party, they're going to be
upset. They might be mad. They
might even tell you that you're
the worst mom and that they hate
you.
That's okay. They don't mean it.
Our job is to, like I said, keep
them safe and secure and show
them that they're loved. And
sometimes setting those
boundaries like that's it's
necessary and it's needed, and
so as a parent, yeah, no, and
it's not always easy. I mean, I
there's oh my gosh, it's so
hard. It's you because you feel
there they are slipping away,
because that's what they're
supposed to do developmentally.
Your kids as teens, they're kind
of supposed to do things that
annoy you, and you start to
dislike them, and you're gonna
they're they, they feel the
same, because they're supposed
to move out and leave the nest.
That's what those teen years are
for. And so that's all normal.
And I think sometimes when
parents realize that, like,
that's normal developmental
stuff. It's supposed to happen.
But it doesn't mean that you
say, oh my gosh, yes, you can go
to the party. Here's a six pack
of booze, you know, and just
give them everything. Yeah? Them
need those boundaries, and they
need you to keep your word, and
that's what makes them feel
safe. Yeah? It makes them feel
safe. It makes them feel secure,
and they know they can count on
you. Yes. And the other thing
is, is that I would say to my
teens, is, I'm like, if you ever
need an out, you can always
blame it on me. Oh my gosh. Do
you know my mom? She will kill
me if I do that. And then, then
some of the kids are like, I do
know your mom, right? It's like,
and so, and the funny thing is,
is those kids, though they
there's a respect there. It's an
and it's a mutual respect,
because it's also then, and it's
so hard, because it's this give
and take, where there are times
where you do they get older, and
you do have to give them a
little bit more leeway, but they
are looking for that boundary,
and that does make them safe,
feel safe. So yes, we're there
to be their mom first, and for
them to like us next. When
people say to me, you know, I
It's a pet peeve of mine, when
people call their kids their
bestie, I'm like, That's not
your it's not your job. It's
very different. Relationship you
and I, the things that we'll
talk about as friends is very
different. I'm very close with
my 17 year old, but there's
places I will not go with her in
conversation that I will go with
an adult friend, right? Yeah,
with my own mom. My mom is
probably the closest human,
aside from my husband, that I
have in the female human in the
world. And but there's still
places I don't go with her,
right? Yeah, yeah. I love that.
Well, this has been so amazing,
and I want to just put a little
disclaimer for those of you who
are on the tween side, and maybe
even a little later with your
kids. This conversation is a
conversation for us learning and
growing and evolving, and this
is in no way to shame guilt or
make ourselves feel bad for what
we didn't know how to do in the
early stages. And I think this,
I love this conversation,
though, because it is really
going to help. You know, so many
women moving forward like have
the tools and the skills we did
not have those. And you and I
have talked about my husband and
I, we took a child class, like,
how to raise your your children.
And we look both, look back at
it and go, I would not do that
again. I just wouldn't do do it
that way again. And I think we
were so desperate just to have
some tools, because neither one
of us wanted to repeat what
happened in our family of
origin. So this is such a
beautiful conversation, and I'm
so excited for your journey,
because just watching you as a
parent, this is like such a
natural evolution for you and
where you need to be in the
gifts that you bring to this
world. So thank you so much for
sharing it with us today. I
would love for you to tell
people how they can reach you.
How, how can they get in touch
with you? Um, you can I check
out my website, which is just by
name, Anique dean.com so I don't
have an easy name, I guess, a n,
n, i, Q, U, E, D, E, A N, at.com
and on Instagram, it's anikdeen
dot mama, five. Mama, five of
those places where I hang out
the most. Yeah. Very good. Very
good. All right, ladies. Well,
thank you so much for joining
us, and as always, it's just a
pleasure to be with you. God
bless you, and I'll see you next
week. Bye, everyone.
I'm honored to have you as part
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