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Confessions of a Shop Owner is hosted by Mike Allen, a third-generation shop owner, perpetual pot-stirrer, and brutally honest opinion sharer. In this weekly podcast, Mike shares his missteps so you don’t have to repeat them. Along the way, he chats with other industry personalities who’ve messed up, too, pulling back the curtain on the realities of running an independent auto repair shop. But this podcast isn’t just about Mike’s journey. It’s about confronting the divisive and questionable tactics many shop owners and managers use. Mike is here to stir the pot and address the painful truths while offering a way forward. Together, we’ll tackle the frustrations, shake things up, and help create a better future for the auto repair industry.
Mike Allen [00:00:00]:
The key to your quick rapid fire-up success has been free diag for the motherfucking win.
Eric Merchant [00:00:09]:
Guarantee you success.
Andrew Klement [00:00:09]:
And I pay my technician.
Eric Merchant [00:00:10]:
Free diag could be construed with underpaid technician.
Mike Allen [00:00:17]:
The following program features a bunch of doofuses talking about the automotive aftermarket. The stuff we or our guests may say do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of our peers, our sponsors, or any other associations we may have. There may be some spicy language in this show, so if you get your feelings hurt easily, you should probably just move along. So without further ado, here's your host, Mike Allen, with Confessions of a Shop Owner, presented by TechMetric. Simply the best software ever made.
Eric Merchant [00:00:53]:
Anyway, so we're here at Ignite 2026 in Scottsdale, Arizona, where it's 71 degrees, 77 to— got it, what? So 6 degrees since we last did 77 degrees.
Andrew Klement [00:01:05]:
What most of you guys probably don't know is that prior to the last 2 years in Missouri, I lived 45 minutes that way.
Eric Merchant [00:01:11]:
Really? How do you know which way that way is? Because you're in a round room with the windows closed.
Andrew Klement [00:01:17]:
So because you're from here, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Mike Allen [00:01:20]:
Sorry.
Andrew Klement [00:01:20]:
And actually, it's that way. It's that way because north is that way. I think I'm lost. And the point is, it's not known as Scottsdale to the locals. It's Snotsdale.
Eric Merchant [00:01:31]:
Snotsdale. I've heard that term in the few days that I've been here.
Mike Allen [00:01:34]:
Because it's like the wealthy suburb where all the snotty people are.
Eric Merchant [00:01:37]:
Yeah, it's, it's where fake lips and Maseratis and private jets, cheek implants— there's a, there's a busy-ass airport on the north side of town.
Andrew Klement [00:01:48]:
Yeah, it's where the very expensive airplanes go.
Eric Merchant [00:01:51]:
Yeah, it was— there was—
Andrew Klement [00:01:52]:
it's where Mike Allen's private jet would go if he had one. Also, since we're here recording now, the evil shop owner things Private jet. That was me, not Brian Pollock. This is like a year ago at this point. You gave him credit for an AI meme that I generated and on a podcast and I just, I'd like to—
Eric Merchant [00:02:12]:
Well, at least it didn't, at least it wasn't making you feel bitter where we were. That's probably the best part.
Mike Allen [00:02:18]:
All right. So, sorry. Eric Merchant just signed a contract on 40,000 square foot building.
Eric Merchant [00:02:27]:
40,000 foot.
Mike Allen [00:02:28]:
And he's spending six figures on floor remodeling.
Eric Merchant [00:02:32]:
It is six figures on floor remodeling.
Mike Allen [00:02:34]:
Yeah, it is.
Eric Merchant [00:02:35]:
And six figures on painting. And I—
Andrew Klement [00:02:40]:
five figures on cash to paint my building, and it worked great.
Mike Allen [00:02:45]:
Um, and he's doing all this because he's just trying to keep up with Zeb.
Eric Merchant [00:02:48]:
It is totally— it, it is nothing more than just to outdo Zeb.
Andrew Klement [00:02:53]:
Uh, you're gonna have to buy a road grader.
Eric Merchant [00:02:55]:
I don't know how to operate one.
Andrew Klement [00:02:57]:
You're gonna have to learn.
Eric Merchant [00:02:58]:
But it's funny because I was at Zeb's 2 years ago, and by the way, Zeb is fucking amazing. Yeah, Susie is amazing, and they cooked. Susie makes shit from scratch from scratch. But anyways, so I— we're talking about airplanes. I landed an airplane on the roof of Zeb's building. Wasn't intentional. The wind caught it. I was able to retrieve most of the parts.
Eric Merchant [00:03:30]:
But that's just the size of Zeb's building. Now granted, it was a small airplane. But nonetheless.
Andrew Klement [00:03:35]:
Well, you go into his shop, you see his shop tours, and because his—
Mike Allen [00:03:40]:
His shop tour inside the building is done with a drone.
Andrew Klement [00:03:43]:
Well, yeah, but like he's walking through with his Meta glasses and he is like, oh, these can only do 3 minutes and I can't walk halfway across the shop in 3 minutes.
Eric Merchant [00:03:50]:
You can't. 'Cause when I was there, I'm like, where's the anything?
Andrew Klement [00:03:56]:
Oh, it's 2 miles that way.
Eric Merchant [00:03:58]:
Yeah. Oh, I need to pull this truck in. Well, it doesn't have enough fuel to get inside the building. Oh, we need to bring this one in. Just bring in the lowboy and you can just loop around and drive back out the other door. Yeah.
Andrew Klement [00:04:12]:
He probably doesn't air condition.
Mike Allen [00:04:15]:
One of the things that you said, uh, while we didn't have the audio turned up, uh, was something about measuring your penis, uh, versus Arkansas catfish.
Eric Merchant [00:04:28]:
I can't remember exactly the measurement that was used, but it was 3, 3 Arkansas catfish. So evidently that was the difference, not the actual measurement. Yeah, so I'm plus 3 Arkansas catfish.
Mike Allen [00:04:41]:
Arkansas catfish bigger than Mr.
Andrew Klement [00:04:44]:
Beard.
Eric Merchant [00:04:45]:
Yep.
Mike Allen [00:04:46]:
And the, and the meatpacking, uh, category.
Eric Merchant [00:04:48]:
And, and, well, it's more of a storage facility, but yeah.
Andrew Klement [00:04:54]:
But, but I can't be serious.
Eric Merchant [00:04:57]:
I've never had to get a blowout. I love Seb. Seb, you know I love you. I'm gonna look in the camera. Seb, you know I love you. Seb is the only one that we'll go to a dinner at like one of these types of conferences and him and I will split a bottle of wine or two. And then Zeb will find something he likes and be like, "That shit's good." And he'll order a couple of cases. And 3 days later, he'll send me something from his bar at home and he's got a skid of it.
Eric Merchant [00:05:35]:
I don't know what kind of wine to drink. I just, I'll take whatever Zeb's having.
Andrew Klement [00:05:38]:
And that's, that's probably a safe, it is, it is.
Eric Merchant [00:05:41]:
That's good shit.
Andrew Klement [00:05:43]:
I haven't met Zeb yet. I'm still the new guy.
Mike Allen [00:05:46]:
That's half of our all-star panel for this episode that will probably never be published because it's not going to be long enough to be a fucking episode because I'm a moron. The other half, that's fair. Uh, the other half is a young man who 60 days ago was working at Christian Brothers Automotive, technically.
Andrew Klement [00:06:03]:
I quit 2 weeks early, so it was more like 75 days ago.
Eric Merchant [00:06:07]:
December 1st is the day we opened, but I quit my job November 14th. Yeah, you just had that kind of expendable income, didn't you? Ah, I get it, I get it.
Mike Allen [00:06:17]:
So way too much debt from day one. You're taking— you're paying yourself.
Andrew Klement [00:06:22]:
Yes.
Eric Merchant [00:06:22]:
You're—
Mike Allen [00:06:23]:
you already have a service manager advisor, you're paying that individual.
Eric Merchant [00:06:26]:
Yep.
Mike Allen [00:06:26]:
And you've just hired, uh, apprentice technician.
Andrew Klement [00:06:30]:
Again, the advice of my coach. I can see this is the second or third big thing that I did that coach said, you know, you probably shouldn't do that.
Mike Allen [00:06:39]:
What were the other ones?
Andrew Klement [00:06:40]:
Yeah, I bought an alignment machine. Do you know what a Hawkeye costs?
Mike Allen [00:06:44]:
Uh-huh.
Eric Merchant [00:06:45]:
I know what a used one costs.
Andrew Klement [00:06:46]:
What does a used one cost?
Eric Merchant [00:06:48]:
$45 grand with an 18K rack if you find the right deal.
Andrew Klement [00:06:52]:
Okay, so I bought just the aligner for $7 grand, which is— I got a pass from my coach because he said, yeah, that's— you stole that, so that's cool.
Eric Merchant [00:07:02]:
Yeah, that's fine.
Andrew Klement [00:07:02]:
And then I bought a rack a 12K Hunter rack for $7,500, and my Hunter rep is still trying to figure out how to calibrate the sensors, and we don't have a fix because the rack's still not working because it's too old.
Mike Allen [00:07:15]:
Have you talked to Josh Coombs about his Hunter alignment rack? No, it's a sour subject.
Eric Merchant [00:07:23]:
So where is Justin Allen when we need him?
Andrew Klement [00:07:26]:
I don't know.
Mike Allen [00:07:27]:
Justin Allen is a saint of a human being.
Eric Merchant [00:07:30]:
I know he was not going to fix your used dilapidated Hunter. There Probably was using—
Andrew Klement [00:07:36]:
I just wanted to call somebody higher up at Hunter and say, what, like, is there anything that can be done other than— I shouldn't tell you that my rep showed me how to put it in service mode and manually override the controls.
Eric Merchant [00:07:49]:
It doesn't matter, nobody's listening. The sound's probably not even on.
Mike Allen [00:07:52]:
Yeah, it's never, it's never going to see the light of day anyway.
Andrew Klement [00:07:54]:
Anyways, fuck. But yeah, so I— we opened December 1st. I opened with a service, service advisor, service manager.
Mike Allen [00:08:02]:
I—
Andrew Klement [00:08:02]:
we call him a service manager, it's his title, because I pay him a salary. He has to be a manager. He's managing himself right now. I'm the primary technician. I'm the only technician. And then I just hired a GS.
Eric Merchant [00:08:13]:
How do you get paid?
Andrew Klement [00:08:14]:
I get paid a salary.
Eric Merchant [00:08:15]:
So you are a technician manager?
Andrew Klement [00:08:18]:
I'm just the owner.
Mike Allen [00:08:19]:
As a shareholder, he is exempt from those payroll rules.
Eric Merchant [00:08:23]:
OK. Yeah. So what?
Andrew Klement [00:08:25]:
Because if I got paid hourly, the overtime would kill me.
Eric Merchant [00:08:28]:
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Klement [00:08:29]:
Like, even at minimum wage, the overtime would kill me.
Mike Allen [00:08:34]:
Welcome to entrepreneurship, where you are always at work no matter where you are.
Eric Merchant [00:08:39]:
So even today in Phoenix, Scottsdale, greater Snotsdale, in the sun, in the Valley of the Sun, you're still at work. That's my point. That's where I was going with that.
Andrew Klement [00:08:54]:
Yeah, yeah. Although I did, I did clock out, so I'm not technically on the clock.
Eric Merchant [00:08:57]:
I did see you punch out for lunch. That was appreciated.
Andrew Klement [00:08:59]:
Yeah.
Mike Allen [00:09:04]:
So, but I mean, like, no shit, I, I struggle to remember what we've actually talked about in the last 10 minutes versus what was in the first segment. You're gonna break even this month.
Andrew Klement [00:09:12]:
We are, we are on track to break even, and if we miss breaking even, it's going to be by like $1,000.
Eric Merchant [00:09:18]:
There was a tie rod job that was on your break even.
Andrew Klement [00:09:21]:
Yeah, well, it's the tie rod was the last piece. We did struts and a bunch of— we did a fuel line and a valve cover on a BMW diesel.
Mike Allen [00:09:29]:
What the fuck is your service manager doing? He should be there putting that shit together right now. He is.
Andrew Klement [00:09:33]:
Okay, good. He is. My phone's been going off and I'm hoping that's not him saying, hey, this part was wrong.
Eric Merchant [00:09:37]:
You want to check?
Mike Allen [00:09:38]:
The building's on fire. Yeah, check it.
Eric Merchant [00:09:39]:
Yeah, check it.
Mike Allen [00:09:40]:
Let's check our messages.
Eric Merchant [00:09:41]:
All right, I got mine on D&D, but I'll check them.
Mike Allen [00:09:44]:
Dungeons and Dragons?
Eric Merchant [00:09:46]:
No.
Mike Allen [00:09:47]:
I've missed 13 messages since we started and—
Eric Merchant [00:09:49]:
You are way more popular.
Mike Allen [00:09:51]:
Most of those probably happened when I could have set taken a phone call during the recording because, yeah, we're recording.
Eric Merchant [00:10:00]:
Well, that was interesting. So there was a part in the first 36 minutes of undiscussed airtime where there was conversation about what color Swingline stapler.
Andrew Klement [00:10:13]:
Yes, apparently I am an uncultured swine because I have a black Swingline stapler and Tonika Haynes has not one. But two red Swingline staplers, and I'm apparently too young to get the reference.
Mike Allen [00:10:26]:
And but what the fuck's your excuse?
Eric Merchant [00:10:29]:
I don't staple. I don't know.
Mike Allen [00:10:31]:
For not knowing the reference?
Eric Merchant [00:10:32]:
Well, because I don't.
Mike Allen [00:10:35]:
And hit me up in the comments on this episode if you know what the fuck we're talking about with a red Swingline stapler.
Eric Merchant [00:10:41]:
Hit me up if you can explain it to me without having to hit him up for the explanation.
Mike Allen [00:10:47]:
What would you say?
Andrew Klement [00:10:49]:
When did this movie come out?
Mike Allen [00:10:51]:
I feel— oh man, uh, I feel like it was like '99.
Eric Merchant [00:10:57]:
Are you that old? How old are you?
Andrew Klement [00:10:58]:
I was born in '96, so I was, I was 3. I probably couldn't talk.
Mike Allen [00:11:04]:
I mean, it's such a quotable movie. There's so many.
Andrew Klement [00:11:06]:
I will take the flak for that. I'm sorry. This is my official on-air apology.
Eric Merchant [00:11:11]:
I'm sorry, I was old enough and I still don't know.
Mike Allen [00:11:16]:
Well, I mean, you're, you're a shop owner, right?
Eric Merchant [00:11:22]:
Was that— is that different? It is for a Swingline Stabley reference.
Mike Allen [00:11:25]:
Well, I mean, most techs turned shop owners like are fucking car dudes and they don't care about sports and they don't watch a lot of movies. They're like, they're car dudes, that's what they do.
Eric Merchant [00:11:38]:
I hate Speaking of car dudes, I went to Barrett-Jackson Saturday.
Andrew Klement [00:11:41]:
Oh, did you?
Eric Merchant [00:11:42]:
That was pretty cool. What do you got for Saturday? I bought an entry pass.
Mike Allen [00:11:48]:
I bought it.
Eric Merchant [00:11:49]:
I bought a pass ticket in.
Mike Allen [00:11:50]:
When you tied your hands behind your back so that you wouldn't accidentally make any hand gestures or anything to gesture.
Andrew Klement [00:11:55]:
$150,000 turd from 1990 that's clean.
Eric Merchant [00:11:59]:
There was, uh, there's a lot of stuff that was pretty cool because I've never been there and I'm— I was in town, so I thought, you know what, let's check this out. And it's some— it's a huge event. I had no idea.
Mike Allen [00:12:11]:
It's once a month, right?
Eric Merchant [00:12:13]:
No, it's once a year.
Mike Allen [00:12:14]:
I thought they did it.
Eric Merchant [00:12:15]:
Well, maybe they do, but the big— the big Westworld. Okay. Barrett-Jackson, it was Super Saturday, and that's when— that's someone— $20 million faster than a shop giving free dyeing. I mean, it was just that fast.
Mike Allen [00:12:28]:
That is one of the things that we talked about. The key to your quick, rapid fire-up success has been Free diag for the fucking win, guaranteed.
Andrew Klement [00:12:39]:
And I pay my technician.
Mike Allen [00:12:41]:
No, we don't pay the technician.
Andrew Klement [00:12:42]:
I'm kidding, actually. I pay myself.
Eric Merchant [00:12:43]:
You are the technician.
Mike Allen [00:12:44]:
You are the technician.
Andrew Klement [00:12:46]:
Well, that's what my— that's what my service writer says. He's like, well, we can afford this because we're not paying you. And I'm like, well, we kind of are.
Eric Merchant [00:12:52]:
Free diag could be construed with underpaid technician.
Andrew Klement [00:12:57]:
Yeah, it's— and, and in an industry that's, that's famous for taking, taking discounts out of a technician's paycheck. Yeah, I understand why people trigger-happy. But if you would listen to what Mike and myself are saying, we pay our people to do the work. I'm not asking my people to do something for free. As the business owner, I'm taking the risk, and some people are going to walk.
Mike Allen [00:13:19]:
Yeah. What, what the employee gets paid and what the customer pays to the business, while they are related, are irrelevant. They are not directly tied to one another. And so much of the anger and resentment and jaded technicians out there, you know, the jaded panic, right? Is because for years, anytime a bad owner or a bad manager has to give some shit away because they fucked it up, or they fucked up the communication or the process or whatever it might be, they make the technician take it in the shorts to reduce that cost, uh, to the business. And that's the unfair part, and that's understandable why guys would be angry about that, but that's not what we're doing.
Andrew Klement [00:14:03]:
No, no, not at all.
Mike Allen [00:14:06]:
We get the benefit when it goes right and we get the kick in the shorts when it goes wrong.
Andrew Klement [00:14:13]:
It's a marketing expense. Yeah, it's a cost of customer acquisition. Cost of customer acquisition, exactly.
Eric Merchant [00:14:18]:
And it works. I mean, I'm not, again, up to speed on exactly the methods used, but—
Andrew Klement [00:14:25]:
It's free, man. Bring it in. We'll look at it.
Eric Merchant [00:14:28]:
Clearly something is working because I know Mike is not generating this kind of income on his, uh, on his OnlyFans.
Mike Allen [00:14:37]:
Wait a minute, you guys get paid?
Eric Merchant [00:14:39]:
No, we give it away, remember? Okay.
Andrew Klement [00:14:41]:
Yeah, it's free. Um, I had a customer that, like, I said that to because I took the call because my service writer was in the bathroom or something, and I said, yeah, like, overheating concern on a car. And I said, absolutely, it's really important. One of my certified technicians— look, I'm gonna do it at no cost. And he goes, so it's free? And I went, yeah.
Eric Merchant [00:14:59]:
Happy to do it for free. Where's the line? How long do you spend for free?
Andrew Klement [00:15:01]:
That's the line that I need to work on.
Mike Allen [00:15:04]:
1 hour.
Andrew Klement [00:15:05]:
I spend too much time. I have spent up to, I think at the most I ever spent was 2 hours. It usually ends up being like an hour 10, hour and 15.
Eric Merchant [00:15:13]:
Okay.
Andrew Klement [00:15:13]:
'Cause I'm overly meticulous with the DVI and I have not taken the time to go and redo my canned notes. So I'm typing everything out.
Eric Merchant [00:15:21]:
So the DVI is, on top of— well, that's different.
Andrew Klement [00:15:25]:
So, so, so the DVI and DIAG, I'm an hour, hour and 15 minutes. Okay.
Mike Allen [00:15:32]:
I think, um, I think you got to separate the DVI time from the DIAG time. They're two—
Eric Merchant [00:15:39]:
I feel like it's two separate line items. One could be, uh, a courtesy expense, the other one could be the marketing. I hate that.
Andrew Klement [00:15:46]:
I hate that word courtesy inspection because I was flat rate at Christian Brothers, and Christian Brothers is a fantastic organization.
Eric Merchant [00:15:51]:
Vehicle state of health report.
Andrew Klement [00:15:53]:
There you go. But sorry, I just want to get this out while we're recording here. Um, my old boss Lee Grant, he's in the groups, he'll see this I'm sure. He's a fantastic person to work for. And like, I—
Mike Allen [00:16:07]:
and why do you quit 2 weeks early? That's a shitty thing to do.
Andrew Klement [00:16:10]:
I gave him— I gave him 2 months notice and I told him when he hired me that I was going out on my own eventually, and took me 18 months to do it, but We did it. He's a great guy. It's a great team to work for. And if I wasn't dead set on opening my own shop, I'd still be working for him.
Mike Allen [00:16:26]:
How do you feel about the forced quarterly free service day thing that they do?
Andrew Klement [00:16:32]:
I never had to participate in that.
Eric Merchant [00:16:34]:
Okay.
Mike Allen [00:16:34]:
Is that not a thing in your— so the ones in my area, they have once a quarter, they're open on Saturdays doing free service for like—
Andrew Klement [00:16:40]:
we did—
Mike Allen [00:16:41]:
like type of charity type of thing.
Eric Merchant [00:16:42]:
Is that a CB thing?
Mike Allen [00:16:43]:
I think— I thought it was nationwide.
Andrew Klement [00:16:45]:
Maybe I'm wrong. We did it. We did it. It was an annual thing we did. We partnered with a local group and it was like minor services, like oil changes. And like, I did brakes for one lady and it was like, yeah, came in on a Saturday, half a day. And it was all like local foster moms and like, it was people that genuinely needed help. That's nice.
Andrew Klement [00:17:05]:
And it was half a day of work.
Mike Allen [00:17:06]:
Like, and I think that's awesome to do.
Andrew Klement [00:17:08]:
And it was not mandatory.
Mike Allen [00:17:09]:
Okay. So the way it's been explained to me—
Andrew Klement [00:17:11]:
this was, hey, do you guys want to participate? And I said, sure, I'll volunteer half a Saturday for that. That's a good cause.
Mike Allen [00:17:16]:
So that's totally different. The way it was explained to me, and maybe it was totally mischaracterized to me because, you know, whisper down the lane is a reckless game, but it was that it's once a quarter, you have to come in on Saturday and you work for free.
Andrew Klement [00:17:30]:
That sounds like a Mike Allen thing.
Eric Merchant [00:17:32]:
But it is voluntary though in real life.
Andrew Klement [00:17:34]:
Yeah, so ultimately every franchise is gonna be different. There are certain rules that, you know, they follow from the corporate office. But at least at the shop that I worked at in Springfield, it was not, it was not mandatory at all, and it wasn't a super common thing. And it was just, if you're, if you're able and willing to help, great. If not—
Eric Merchant [00:17:54]:
how do they do that with the parts? Is it like the store take care of the parts?
Andrew Klement [00:17:57]:
The store takes care of it.
Eric Merchant [00:17:58]:
Okay.
Andrew Klement [00:17:58]:
Yeah. And I don't know, how are the people vetted? We have a, a third-party group that does it, so we don't It's not Christian Brothers doing it. It was, I think the group is—
Eric Merchant [00:18:13]:
Oh, Man Up.
Andrew Klement [00:18:14]:
Or Man Up and Go. And yeah, and so like, you know, and they've got volunteers from their group that come and like, they'll like, you know, hand wash the car or whatever after we do an oil change. So like, car gets serviced, car gets cleaned, like a cursory detail. And it's no charge to the customer. We don't do a full inspection. It's like a quick look at safety stuff. We looked at, you know, one lady's brakes were, you know, a hair away from metal to metal. And so put a set of pads on it and got it out.
Eric Merchant [00:18:42]:
You didn't do a brake job, you pad slapped it.
Andrew Klement [00:18:43]:
Pad slapped it and turned the rotors.
Eric Merchant [00:18:46]:
I was being a smartass, but sorry. No, I think you're fine.
Mike Allen [00:18:50]:
So do you think you'll do something like that within your business when the time is right?
Andrew Klement [00:18:53]:
Yes, I, I think the, the amount of impact that you can get in community outreach from something like that— I think the advertising, the money you'd have to spend on advertising versus the reach you can organically get from something like that is Tremendous.
Eric Merchant [00:19:08]:
And the feel-good side of it that you can put a number on.
Andrew Klement [00:19:11]:
Fuzzy.
Eric Merchant [00:19:11]:
Yeah, it doesn't really work for us necessarily at the moment, just being diesel only.
Mike Allen [00:19:16]:
Single moms bringing in their 6.7s.
Eric Merchant [00:19:18]:
Yeah, I mean, I mean, generally speaking, they need to have the money to fix them. I mean, I, I think of all these stories I've heard, the moms don't drive some high-pressure oil pumps for, uh for a girl who's going to work. I just can't afford to get my CP4 and my fuel system replaced, so, you know, we're just going to take that $20,000 repair and knock it out on a Saturday morning.
Mike Allen [00:19:43]:
Who's the social media guy who has the reels? He's a diesel guy. He's like, oh, I have a CP4 on a disco party.
Eric Merchant [00:19:50]:
Yeah, I've seen that a few times. I don't know if that's Ryan Stratman.
Mike Allen [00:19:53]:
I guess so. Funny.
Eric Merchant [00:19:54]:
Is it, is it Stratman? Somebody's gonna correct me.
Andrew Klement [00:19:57]:
I was gonna say, this is a comment section.
Eric Merchant [00:19:59]:
Ryan Stratman Could be. Ryan does really good stuff. He's out of Texas, I believe. I've never met him. Um, from everything I can tell, he's, he's pretty, pretty cool guy. He does really good content. Yeah, but I, I want to say it's him, but I'm completely, I'm sure, wrong. And somebody is definitely going to correct us, including the person that actually does them.
Mike Allen [00:20:19]:
I mean, yeah, whoever you are that actually— if you were here, millions of followers, you should definitely tag me in your correction video.
Eric Merchant [00:20:27]:
Kudos to— yeah, uh, feel free to use vulgar comments because we got you wrong.
Mike Allen [00:20:35]:
Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, we support dick jokes.
Andrew Klement [00:20:39]:
Um, and what's the line in the intro? You know, the comments made on this do not necessarily represent the views of our peers, our sponsors, or any other associations we may have.
Mike Allen [00:20:49]:
There may be some spicy language in this, so if you have feelings hurt easily, listen at your own risk.
Eric Merchant [00:20:53]:
Well, you, you best listen to this.
Andrew Klement [00:20:55]:
I have listened to every single episode that you've ever posted.
Mike Allen [00:20:58]:
Like, I'm your biggest Man, I'm so sorry for what we've done to you because I don't listen to my shit. I'm here to tell you.
Eric Merchant [00:21:05]:
I've never listened to my stuff ever. I don't want to hear me. I was there.
Mike Allen [00:21:09]:
I hate the sound of my own voice.
Andrew Klement [00:21:11]:
Okay, but so I started a YouTube channel like 4 or 5 years ago when I was living here in Arizona, and I had to edit my own voice, and it took about a year of editing my own voice, and it doesn't bother me at all now. Like, I can listen to my voice and it's like, yeah, that's just what I sound like.
Mike Allen [00:21:26]:
Hey, it's me, Mike's kid. Want to tell us your wild shop stories? Or maybe you just think my dad's totally wrong. Call us at 704-CONFESS and leave a message. You can tell us we're awesome, or you can tell us we're idiots. We're cool either way. That's 704-CONFESS. Just don't make it too weird.
Mike Allen [00:21:44]:
The dulcet tones of Andrew Clement. Buddy, the quiet storm.
Eric Merchant [00:21:48]:
What was your YouTube channel consisting of? What was your—
Mike Allen [00:21:51]:
mostly foot pics. What? So what were you asking?
Andrew Klement [00:21:56]:
So I didn't, I didn't really go into it with a plan. It started with I was going to build a sand rail, and so I was like, I'll do a channel on this. And I was like, well shoot, I got to fix my car, I might as well make a video on that. So I did some like repair videos.
Mike Allen [00:22:06]:
What the hell is a sand rail?
Eric Merchant [00:22:07]:
It's a bloody thing that goes in the sand.
Andrew Klement [00:22:11]:
So a sand rail is basically a go-kart built for the sand.
Eric Merchant [00:22:13]:
Why is it gonna be a go-kart? Because I had a— we had a sand car once with a diesel in it years ago.
Andrew Klement [00:22:18]:
Okay, they make insane ones. Like, I've seen, you know, a tuned, like, 1,000 horsepower Duramax that can do a wheelstand at 80 miles an hour in the sand.
Eric Merchant [00:22:27]:
Yeah, but that's a long travel. This was a buggy. I get all the differences.
Andrew Klement [00:22:34]:
What I had was built on old— like, it's like a VW chassis, but instead of having a body between the rear suspension, the front suspension is just tube.
Eric Merchant [00:22:42]:
Okay.
Andrew Klement [00:22:43]:
And I had all these plans, and I was gonna do all this cool stuff, and then Life happened, and, um, I cut it up and I sold it for parts.
Mike Allen [00:22:50]:
And what made you go from the desert to Missouri?
Andrew Klement [00:22:54]:
I like the color green, and that's not how you say it. Missouri.
Eric Merchant [00:22:59]:
That's how the out-of-staters do. You can go north, you, in like northern Arizona, I've seen green up there. There's some places there's actual grass in this state. I didn't know it was a thing. I thought they just laid it all.
Andrew Klement [00:23:10]:
We just— yeah, it's plastic. It's all plastic.
Eric Merchant [00:23:12]:
Low maintenance.
Mike Allen [00:23:13]:
It was actual grass that we were having lunch on, wasn't it?
Eric Merchant [00:23:15]:
Oh, that's true, that's true. This is it.
Andrew Klement [00:23:17]:
This is because this is in January.
Mike Allen [00:23:18]:
Yeah, well, and they water it every day.
Eric Merchant [00:23:22]:
It's recycled piss water though. Did you notice that?
Andrew Klement [00:23:25]:
Well, it is.
Mike Allen [00:23:26]:
Oh, it has to be. It tasted a little funky.
Andrew Klement [00:23:28]:
When we lived here, I was on the board of our HOA because like, if I'm going to live in an HOA, by golly, I'm going to be in charge of it. Um, our water bill for watering the little park It's $137,000 a year in water.
Mike Allen [00:23:43]:
Where?
Andrew Klement [00:23:44]:
In a little HOA park.
Eric Merchant [00:23:46]:
How big?
Mike Allen [00:23:48]:
Just get fucking AstroTurf, man. What the fuck, bro?
Eric Merchant [00:23:52]:
$137,000.
Mike Allen [00:23:55]:
That sounds like some grift right there. That sounds like somebody was benefiting some of that shit.
Andrew Klement [00:23:58]:
7 acres of grass that we kept green across.
Eric Merchant [00:24:00]:
Oh, that's not a little patch.
Andrew Klement [00:24:02]:
Okay, 7 acres of grass $137,000 a year, dude, in the desert.
Eric Merchant [00:24:08]:
Yeah, that's a football field. 5 inches a year.
Mike Allen [00:24:11]:
That's a football field.
Eric Merchant [00:24:12]:
That's one alligator dick of rain every year.
Mike Allen [00:24:16]:
But how many Arkansas catfish is that?
Eric Merchant [00:24:18]:
That's right.
Andrew Klement [00:24:20]:
This is very specific and I am uncomfortable with this conversation.
Mike Allen [00:24:23]:
Measurements.
Eric Merchant [00:24:24]:
But you know what, may the sun shine on your forehead at all times.
Mike Allen [00:24:37]:
Oh my God, that's crazy.
Andrew Klement [00:24:38]:
Does that mean I'm supposed to be homeless? Is that what you're wishing upon me? Because like, if this business doesn't work, the SBA takes the tiny amount of equity that I have left in my house. But to answer your question, I did home repair stuff and the channel didn't go anywhere or grow anywhere until, um, I had a general contractor steal about $120,000 from me. And I started, I started posting videos. It was just me ranting at a camera and freezing temperatures going, I don't know what to do. 'cause this is not working. And then people started watching it and like hundreds of thousands of views and I actually made some money on it. And then I took over—
Eric Merchant [00:25:11]:
How many subscribers?
Andrew Klement [00:25:12]:
Right now we're at like just a fuzz under 11,000 people.
Eric Merchant [00:25:15]:
That's impressive for bitching at a camera. I mean, legitimately.
Andrew Klement [00:25:18]:
I built 5,000 subscribers in like a month and a half, just—
Mike Allen [00:25:22]:
You get a couple videos that go hot, it's crazy how fast the numbers go.
Andrew Klement [00:25:25]:
Yeah.
Eric Merchant [00:25:25]:
And you didn't stick with that? 'Cause I mean, now you got to work for a living, or you could just be a content creator.
Andrew Klement [00:25:31]:
You know, after the couple months of like— when we got past the like visible emotion and like just on the edge of like breaking down in frustration on camera, um, when we got to like, okay, we're done with crying about this and now I'm just going to take over and be a general contractor and build my own house, um, people lost interest.
Mike Allen [00:25:55]:
Yeah, there was no controversy.
Eric Merchant [00:25:57]:
You should have went to a contractor with a saw and just started cutting up their—
Andrew Klement [00:26:01]:
so we're in the middle of civil litigation. Oh, and I am so excited for when we're done with this and I can name him and shame him and show all of the videos. I have a ton of video that I haven't released because I can't taint a jury pool or whatever else. But because so many people have seen it, like especially local people have seen it, I can be really careful what I say so that I don't risk giving him any kind of a defense.
Mike Allen [00:26:26]:
Yeah, is he—
Eric Merchant [00:26:28]:
I mean, how long has this been going on?
Andrew Klement [00:26:31]:
Uh, we moved into our house in April of last year, so—
Eric Merchant [00:26:35]:
and this is from out here, or this is from Missouri?
Andrew Klement [00:26:40]:
This is from Missouri.
Eric Merchant [00:26:42]:
Missouri.
Mike Allen [00:26:43]:
What's the difference between Missouri and Missouri?
Eric Merchant [00:26:45]:
Depends on where you're from.
Andrew Klement [00:26:46]:
Yeah, it depends on how old you are.
Eric Merchant [00:26:48]:
Oh, it's an age thing.
Andrew Klement [00:26:49]:
It seems to be an age thing.
Mike Allen [00:26:50]:
What do locals say?
Eric Merchant [00:26:52]:
Depends on the age thing.
Andrew Klement [00:26:53]:
The— all the locals over about age 60 say Missouri, and it's that slow drawl.
Eric Merchant [00:27:01]:
60.
Mike Allen [00:27:02]:
And all the Yankees have taken over now and they say Missouri. I'm going to Missouri.
Andrew Klement [00:27:08]:
The crazy thing, the, the biggest difference between moving from— like, I grew up on the West Coast, or I mean, this even, even Phoenix is still West Coast. This is tough.
Mike Allen [00:27:16]:
I don't know that I'm going to take advice on how to say Missouri from somebody grew up on the West Coast.
Andrew Klement [00:27:20]:
You shouldn't take advice from me if you're from Missouri. Missouri, tell me I'm wrong.
Mike Allen [00:27:27]:
Yeah, call 704-CONFESS and tell me how to say Missouri.
Andrew Klement [00:27:32]:
And if you're unlucky, Mike will just— it's a legit number.
Mike Allen [00:27:35]:
That's the legit phone number.
Eric Merchant [00:27:38]:
Yeah, it rings this phone right here.
Mike Allen [00:27:38]:
I have two SIM cards in this phone and one of them is the podcast.
Andrew Klement [00:27:42]:
But when I call it to leave a message, he just answers and goes, hey, Andrew. And I go, dude, I was trying to leave a message for the podcast.
Mike Allen [00:27:46]:
And he goes, oh, Sorry, you know what the problem is?
Eric Merchant [00:27:50]:
You can't— keypad. Oh no, there's still letters on the keypad.
Mike Allen [00:27:56]:
It's 266-3377.
Andrew Klement [00:27:59]:
I tried so hard to it. So my, my region in Missouri is our— the area code is 417, and I wanted 417 service to be like— because I'm— it's a voice over IP, I can pick the phone number, and I wanted that phone number. I can't get it. It's not in use and nobody has it and will sell it to me. I don't know, just, just everybody just says, oh, it's— or somebody has it, but when you call it, it just says this number is not in use. But all the places that sell, there's not a voicemail. All the places that sell vanity numbers, like, I'm like, this is the number I want, and they're like, oh, we can't get that, sorry. I would have paid good money 'Cause my whole, my slogan is, so in my region, for some reason that I do not understand, everybody, like everything is 417 something.
Andrew Klement [00:28:49]:
Like everybody identifies, there's a lot of like, the area code is the region. And so if I could, my thing is I'm the best service in the 417. And so if my phone number was 417 SERVICE and like the letters line up like it, It should be there, but it's not.
Eric Merchant [00:29:07]:
What if you spelled service like a vanity plate, like S-U-R-V-E-C-E?
Andrew Klement [00:29:13]:
I, I don't— yeah, I think that's more confusing. I went, I went for a phone number that's, that's like easy to say and memorable, so it's got a repeating pattern in it so that I could memorize it because there's so many other phone numbers that I have to—
Eric Merchant [00:29:27]:
what if you did, uh, what if you did the 417-867-5309?
Mike Allen [00:29:32]:
If you've listened to this podcast for more than 5 minutes, you already know my favorite way to learn is to watch someone else screw it up first. That's the whole point of Tectonic 2026. It's not a conference where everybody pretends everything is perfect. It's owners, advisors, and techs getting in the same room to talk about what worked, what didn't, and what they'd do differently if they could rewind the tape. Because the painful truth is most of the stuff holding a shop back isn't some secret trick. It's the basics we avoid: training, consistency, communication, accountability, inspections, workflow, hiring, all the boring stuff that actually makes you the money. Presented by TechMetric, Tektonik is happening April 9th through 11th in Houston. Tickets are on sale and our listeners get $500 off standard pricing with code Confessions500.
Mike Allen [00:30:21]:
Go to techmetric.com/Tektonik. That's T-E-K T-O-N-I-C, or tap the link in the show notes.
Andrew Klement [00:30:29]:
That probably would have been expensive, but that would have been funny.
Mike Allen [00:30:33]:
Probably very much taken. Yeah, in the 417, probably every area code.
Eric Merchant [00:30:37]:
So somebody owns that then.
Andrew Klement [00:30:39]:
Oh, I bet they do. There were, there were numbers I was looking at, at a VoIP system, and like you could— like there's a whole like marketplaces that buy and sell phone numbers.
Mike Allen [00:30:48]:
That's how I got 704-Confessed.
Andrew Klement [00:30:49]:
I know. Yeah, I know.
Mike Allen [00:30:50]:
Yeah, yeah. Like the number of cops like It was like $24. It was not—
Andrew Klement [00:30:55]:
you get a number that's like something.
Mike Allen [00:30:57]:
I went to numberbarn.com.
Andrew Klement [00:31:00]:
Yep, yep.
Eric Merchant [00:31:01]:
I had no idea that existed.
Andrew Klement [00:31:04]:
I didn't either until I figured it out.
Eric Merchant [00:31:06]:
I have some ideas that I am no longer going to say out loud because you don't want somebody to scoop it up.
Andrew Klement [00:31:11]:
Well, no, dude. Well, you've got some time before this is published. Number Barn.
Eric Merchant [00:31:16]:
Number Barn.
Mike Allen [00:31:17]:
Yeah. All right, it's called vanity numbers. Just buy a vanity number and you can Google it and there are a bunch of people who do it. Well, yeah, and you can, then you can port to a cell phone or whatever.
Eric Merchant [00:31:25]:
Yeah, I don't want it to my cell phone, I just want it for a company name. Company, company. Okay, I got some ideas.
Andrew Klement [00:31:31]:
Anyways, so yeah, we, uh, so we're missing out on a LEGO race.
Eric Merchant [00:31:36]:
Do you think there's a winner by now?
Mike Allen [00:31:39]:
Uh, well, there's a different race winner here at the time.
Eric Merchant [00:31:41]:
Oh, that's right, we talked about that.
Mike Allen [00:31:43]:
We've talked about once on video with no audio, but it's important that we get this moment because Um, Mike Allen is in fact yesterday, uh, pro service members, elites, 20 group process, uh, had a, uh, a day early event. Yeah, fucking camera just went out. I don't know if we got video or not. We'll see. Yeah, I'll find out.
Eric Merchant [00:32:03]:
Um, here, let me get a picture of it then in case.
Andrew Klement [00:32:06]:
Will it? No, it doesn't. Okay.
Eric Merchant [00:32:07]:
Oh, I'll take a video.
Andrew Klement [00:32:11]:
At least that way we have it.
Mike Allen [00:32:13]:
But anyway, there we go. I crushed Matt Lofton's spirits, hopes, and dreams by dominating the Elite Pro Service Racing Challenge.
Andrew Klement [00:32:24]:
You have no idea how much joy that brings me.
Mike Allen [00:32:27]:
My 29.22-second lap, untouched by anyone.
Eric Merchant [00:32:34]:
What was second place?
Mike Allen [00:32:36]:
Second place was 29.28, and that was actually so darn close.
Andrew Klement [00:32:41]:
Hundredths of a second.
Mike Allen [00:32:42]:
But that wasn't Matt's time. Matt was 29.5.
Eric Merchant [00:32:48]:
Oh, Matt's gonna say, oh, the car was tight. That's what it is.
Mike Allen [00:32:52]:
The air pressure was off.
Andrew Klement [00:32:56]:
Oh yeah, yeah. Um, when do you guys recommend alignments as far as a maintenance item?
Eric Merchant [00:33:00]:
Well, that escalated quickly. Uh-huh.
Mike Allen [00:33:02]:
That is a hard transition. I would say, uh, I would say an annual inspection and adjust when and as needed. Uh, or every 15,000 miles.
Eric Merchant [00:33:12]:
What do you think? Don't you think you should get that rack up and working first?
Andrew Klement [00:33:14]:
I— well, yeah, I should.
Eric Merchant [00:33:15]:
Okay.
Mike Allen [00:33:17]:
$70,000 on an alignment machine on a second month open, and he's breaking even. I don't know how he does it. Well, he's not doing 7,000 alignments. Yeah, let's be clear.
Andrew Klement [00:33:26]:
Let's be clear. All into this aligner, we're into it for about $14,000, $14,500.
Eric Merchant [00:33:32]:
How much would it be when it's working?
Andrew Klement [00:33:34]:
When it's—
Mike Allen [00:33:37]:
some—
Andrew Klement [00:33:37]:
you can't answer that question.
Mike Allen [00:33:38]:
I don't know.
Andrew Klement [00:33:38]:
I don't know because my Hunter rep tells me that either He's like, it probably needs this control board, which is a $600 part, which is fine.
Eric Merchant [00:33:45]:
That's pennies.
Andrew Klement [00:33:46]:
That's fine. Yeah, like, but then he tells me, well, it's not the control board, it's the firmware in the control board, and we got to find this ancient cable to update Windows 98.
Eric Merchant [00:33:55]:
How old is this thing?
Andrew Klement [00:33:56]:
2008.
Eric Merchant [00:33:57]:
Oh, I thought— why did I think you said it was a Hawkeye?
Andrew Klement [00:34:01]:
It is a Hawkeye.
Mike Allen [00:34:02]:
So you said it was a—
Andrew Klement [00:34:03]:
sorry, the Aligner is a Hawkeye Elite. It's from 2014. The alignment lift is from 2008.
Eric Merchant [00:34:09]:
So does it still have strings between the heads?
Andrew Klement [00:34:11]:
No.
Eric Merchant [00:34:13]:
That's how I learned.
Mike Allen [00:34:14]:
All right, guys, I got to cut us loose because I'm getting another recording in 6 minutes.
Eric Merchant [00:34:18]:
All right.
Mike Allen [00:34:18]:
Well, this might have to be released, released as like a bonus.
Andrew Klement [00:34:21]:
This should be a bonus episode. Yeah.
Mike Allen [00:34:24]:
Because I also did— the conversation was inappropriate enough that I didn't feel comfortable doing my podcast partner read in the episode.
Eric Merchant [00:34:33]:
That's probably safe.
Mike Allen [00:34:34]:
Yeah, it's probably safe.
Eric Merchant [00:34:36]:
This is bonus feature. I always wanted to be about this.
Andrew Klement [00:34:39]:
This is a bonus episode. I feel it. All right, your word's not mine, my friend.
Mike Allen [00:34:44]:
Thanks for listening to Confessions of a Shop Owner, where we lay it all out— the good, the bad, and sometimes the super messed up. I'm your host, Mike Allen, here to remind you that even the pros screw it up sometimes. So why not laugh a little bit, learn a little bit, and maybe have another drink? You got a confession of your own or a topic you'd like me to cover, or do you just want to let me know what an idiot I am? Email mike@confessionsofashopowner.com or call and leave a message. The number is 704-CONFESS. That's 704-266-3377. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to like, subscribe, or follow. Join us on this crazy journey that is shop ownership. I'll see you on the next episode.