Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Welcome to From My Father with Tangie Callahan.
Take your shoes off + stay awhile.
Grab a cup of coffee—or a matcha—and join Tangie for honest conversations about faith, life, healing, purpose + everything in between. Through real stories, real questions + biblical truth, you’ll discover the Father’s heart for every season.
Whether you’re navigating a difficult season, searching for answers, growing in your faith, or simply longing for more of God, this is a place where you can pull up a chair, be encouraged + be reminded that you’re not walking alone.
New episodes feature heartfelt conversations, practical wisdom, personal experiences + the timeless truth of God’s Word—all designed to point you back to the Father.
Real life. Real questions. The Father’s heart.
The conversations begin THIS AUGUST. 🤍
Welcome to From My Father Podcast.
I'm your host, Tangie Callahan, and I'm so grateful you're here.
My prayer is that every conversation points you to the heart of the Father, reminding you that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father.
Hello, guys, and welcome back to From My Father.
I hope you all are doing well.
I am super excited to have back my friend, Pastor Stacy Fretz.
I so enjoyed our last conversation, and so I wanted to have you back.
I wanted to really go a little deeper into something that you said.
But before we get started, you know I like to start with, what is a burden and what is a blessing that you are currently carrying right now?
I would say the blessing that I'm carrying right now is probably, honestly, I've just been so enjoying seeing my kids play sports and seeing them like get into something.
And so it's fun to see your kid thrive.
And so both my kids, they're like super into it.
They're not picking, you know, flowers anymore.
And so it's exciting to see them thrive out there and it's enjoyable to watch.
So that's something that I'm enjoying right now.
That'd probably be a blessing.
Lord knows my burden is probably something to do with my laundry that I need to get done.
Oh, laundry.
You know, there was a time in my life where I hired, not hired, but I would take all, when my kids, when we were in the thick of it, I would pack up all of my laundry.
Archie's like, what are you doing?
I'm like, I found a lady that will wash all of my clothes and fold them.
And I just pick them up when I'm,
I drop them off when I'm on the way to the church and I pick them up.
Give me her number.
Listen, I loved her.
I'll never forget her.
Her name was Miss Barbara.
And she washed all my laundry once a week.
And yeah, it was the best thing.
That just made me think of that for some reason.
Anyway, well, Stace, I'm so glad that you're here.
I wanted to get right in the conversation.
I want to talk about today the power of words.
Because one thing in the episode that you were here last, you said something that really stuck with me.
And you said, I'm embarrassed for the way that I spoke to my husband at times.
I was very critical.
Yeah.
You know, you said you had to change your mindset.
You had to come to the place where my perspective changes and I need to be grateful for what I have versus what I don't have.
Why am I being critical to him after he preaches?
And we just talked about that.
And I felt like it was a little touch of the Holy Spirit.
And we obviously we kept talking, but I wanted to come back to it because I do feel like it is critical.
the words that we speak, the tone that we speak.
And I think it's something that we need to talk about.
So let me just start by asking, I want to take you back to that moment where you first realized, what am I declaring?
What am I speaking to my husband?
What made you know that something, I mean, obviously you're a Christian, you hear from the Holy Spirit, you read the Word, but what really made you think about your words and what made you change?
It was in Proverbs.
It says that the power of life and death is in the tongue.
And so I think it just one day hit me that verse that it says the power of life, you know, and I usually would focus on that part of the verse, but it's also the power of death is in the tongue.
And so the things that I was speaking, if they weren't giving life,
then they're literally, it's speaking death over a situation.
It's speaking death over a person, whatever it is.
And so that was probably my first revelation of, oh, the things that I'm saying, they matter and they hold weight, not just over myself, but again, like as being married and just that responsibility, you know, it was probably, it was early in our marriage.
And so that responsibility and the weight that you have to speak over your spouse, right?
You know, like that that was important to learn the responsibility that you have to speak over your spouse.
You know, I remember when when I first got married, my dad said to me, he said, Stacy, don't ever speak poorly of your husband.
And I didn't really understand that.
I was just like, okay, whatever.
But now as I've gone along, I'm like, oh, that's a biblical principle to just the words that you're saying, the things that you're speaking, not only to your spouse, but about your spouse to someone else.
That also matters.
Yeah.
Just as much.
And so the honor.
Yes.
Not just honoring them.
And what is it?
Men need honor and respect.
Women need security.
Words of affirmation.
Security.
Yes.
You know.
Yeah.
We could.
That's a whole nother episode about that.
But that's really powerful.
Let me ask you this.
Do you feel like that in your childhood or say in your middle school, high school years, do you remember like a time where words really affected you?
Like, did you grow up in a household where there were a lot of hurt words or?
I grew up in a very safe household.
And so there were no ill words spoken.
My parents were very guarded with their mouths.
Well, that's a blessing.
It's a huge blessing.
My parents, I mean, we didn't say, I couldn't say the word sucks.
Oh, I hate that.
I hate that word.
I wasn't allowed to say that was one of them.
I couldn't say fart.
You know, I couldn't say, you know, and still I get a little cringed out because Eric, he says that word and I'm like, oh my goodness, are we teaching our kids to say that?
And so like my eyes get big even if he says it from stage.
I'm like.
Has your mouth ever been washed out with soap?
Oh, yes.
And hot sauce.
Hot sauce was... Oh, my goodness.
I've gotten soap, and then hot sauce was one that it was like, ooh, the hot sauce is coming out.
Now I'm married to a man that drinks hot sauce, you know, and so I'm like, all right.
But when I was a little bit older, probably like just graduated high school, I'm the youngest cousin in my family, and I had an older cousin who she had just had a baby, and we were driving along one day, and she...
looked at me and she said, you know there's a family curse that once the women in our family have babies, they'll never make it back to their pre-baby weight.
And I didn't think about it.
I was just like, okay, that's weird to know.
Thanks for sharing.
I didn't think about it then until years later when I got pregnant myself.
Oh my goodness.
And that lie was deposited somewhere in the back of my mind.
And I ate as if I believed that lie.
And I know we're talking a lot about the body image and things like that, and I could just so relate to what you guys were saying on that because I had never been concerned about my weight until I had babies.
And then I got pregnant, and then that lie came into play that it was like, oh, well, it's all over from here because according to my old cousin,
we won't lose any of the weight ever again.
So you believed that.
Oh, I told it.
And I didn't even realize that I believed it.
That's like the crazy part.
And so then, um, I mean, I went in my first pregnancy, I gained 70 plus pounds.
Like I like changed.
A lot.
So that was another bit of change that was happening in my life was just like, what is happening all of a sudden?
Like, this is a whole new body for me.
And this is just and I would speak things over myself that were just so hopeless.
Like, you're never going to lose this weight.
This is going to be it for you.
You're not in control of your body.
You're not in control of what you eat.
You just can't help it.
You know, like a lot of that.
You would speak this in your mind.
Do you feel like it was a thought pattern?
It was definitely a thought pattern.
Or do you feel like you were saying it over yourself?
I was saying it over myself as well.
Like I would tell Eric, like, this is just this is just it for me.
You know what I mean?
Like, according to according to my cousin, this is what happens.
And for whatever reason, that was just the truth.
Yeah.
And so and then and then I.
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I got a revelation of just the power of words.
And so I remember I was able to lose all of the weight that I had gained from that pregnancy.
It took a few years, but I lost.
And I remember getting back to my pre-baby weight and putting on those pre-baby jeans and it just being like, I just did it.
that was a lie.
And just realizing that was a lie that I had believed because look at me.
Yeah.
Look at what I just did.
Yeah.
That's a huge illustration of the power of words and how you believed that.
When you talked about being critical and demeaning, talk a little bit about that.
Like,
What are words that you, you know, that you said over your husband that later you felt convicted about or corrected from the Holy Spirit?
There was a lot really of me really just complaining about our situation, you know, and like nothing kind of like ever being like good enough.
Right.
And so like, no matter like what we would do, it just never seemed like it was good enough.
And I just like, I would complain a lot about that.
But just as far as like,
just as far as like when he would do something, I would just feel like I knew better.
And so I needed to correct him.
And that was not the case.
So I have learned.
And so, um, and there was just a lot of moments like that, that I I've now realized that like the Lord is doing a work and like, and just, he can speak through my husband in different ways.
And like, I don't need to be the one to just constantly correct him.
Yeah, yeah.
And so when you think about there's a root, right, to our fruit.
Right.
Everybody, the fruit of your life always has a root.
Where do you feel like?
The negative, you know, critical words, the tone, where do you feel like that seed was planted in you?
And then it all of a sudden, you know, the Bible says that, you know, I believe it's in Proverbs where it says, out of the heart, the mouth speaks.
I was so insecure.
I just, I, cause it's the same season that I had just gained all of this weight.
And then I had made up in my mind, it was going to be impossible to lose.
And so I didn't, and I, and I was eating very unhealthy.
Like I w I wasn't trying to lose it.
I was just like, this is the way it is past the donuts.
This is the way it is.
Let's go to Chick-fil-A for the third time today.
You know, and it was like just very unhealthy patterns.
And, um, and so, um,
I just lost my train of thought.
I was asking you, like, where do you think that came from?
Oh, so it came from insecurity within.
I'm just like, I wasn't feeling... I was just very unhealthy, like, physically.
You think it was...
Was there any – like for me, there was a lot of death talk in my childhood.
And maybe not in your household, but think about that.
Like your cousin said whatever she said.
And like for me, I feel like there was a lot of negative talk.
We weren't taught that –
the power of life and death is in your tongue.
It just felt like a lot of criticism.
It felt like a lot of, when I say death talk, we weren't talking about dead, dying, but it produced no life.
I think that I was speaking death over myself.
And so like out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, you know?
And so because that's what I was speaking and believing over myself, I just carried that right over to my husband.
And then I had the revelation years later that I heard someone say this and I just love this and I adopted this and it has just changed so much.
And so if you say something and you do not agree with what you're saying, you should not be saying it.
And so this little saying will help you keep that in line.
So if you say, I'm so tired and that's just the way I want it.
if that sentence doesn't ring true, then you probably shouldn't be saying it.
And so if you say something like, I don't like the way that I look and that's just the way I want it, that will help clean up just on a very practical level.
That is something that can safeguard your words because if that doesn't ring to be true, that's what you're confessing.
That's what's coming out of your mouth.
And so
That is either life or it's either death.
You know, you can put it in two categories.
And if it's not giving life, you know, in Philippians, it talks about, you know, thinking on things.
But I also like to speak things that are encouraging, that are edifying, that, you know, will build somebody up and let that be the things that you're saying and that are coming out of your mouth.
Yeah, that's really good.
Do you think you can love someone?
So deeply, like I think about our closest relationships, like our husband, our children, our parents, you know, that close relationship, the best friend, all of those things and those types of people and still develop a pattern of speaking to them in a way.
That tears them down.
You think we can get in and you know what I mean?
Like you never go out to do that.
Right.
But just out of comfortability and out of just looseness, you know, of what you're saying.
You know what I mean?
Like you can just get comfortable with someone and just like really want to tell someone how you feel.
Yeah.
You know, and I think we can become familiar.
Yes.
Yes.
So much with with just our kids and our and our husband and we just we just relax.
Yeah.
You know, and I think kids like going in that direction.
Kids are so impressionable.
And like I know for our kids, like we're very careful with what we say about our kids, even if our kids are not around.
Yeah.
We're so careful with the things that we speak about them.
And then especially to them, you know, and making sure that they're, you know, I hear parents calling their kids losers.
I hear parents calling their kids, you know, just all sorts of names.
And like, and it's just like, I don't, they haven't had the same revelation that I've had.
You know what I mean?
Just about like, there's no way that you can know that and continue to say.
such um just hurtful things about a child you know especially like just random little things like oh my kid is so whatever it is it's like yeah we're so just careful that we're just speaking life
yeah over even my daughter i would call her shy all the time and like she just has a really quiet she you know disposition and and i would be like oh sorry she's she's shy she's not being she's shy and i kept saying that and i got convicted and i was like i have to stop saying that about her because then she will step into that and she will continue to be shy and like she's not shy she's just very observant she's taking everything in yeah and she's not quick to speak
Yeah, that is such a good point.
I've heard mamas go, she's so mean or he's so mean.
Just don't worry about her.
Yeah, don't worry about her.
She's just mean.
And I'm like, that is your baby.
And you are speaking that over your child.
Oh, it makes me cringe.
But you would be surprised that people just don't know.
I don't.
They don't know that their words are causing such an impression and they are sticking to those babies too.
Isn't it crazy how the negative things you seem to never forget?
Never forget.
Like I will never forget one time.
It was actually the first time.
It was maybe our first or second Mother's Day of being campus pastors.
And I was up there and I was speaking with Eric.
And that was not always like my most favorite thing to do.
And so I was like a little bit like, all right.
I'm going to do this.
And so I get up there and I preach alongside of him.
And then I get off the stage.
As soon as I got off the stage, I had someone walk up to me and say, well, you were just awkward up there and just look at me and walk away.
And I was just like, it hurts so bad.
I was just like, what?
I just wanted to go like.
Just go hide somewhere.
I was so mortified because here I think I'm like stepping out and like facing, you know, a fear and like overcoming.
And then just to get like hit in the face with that, it's like, you know, people need encouragement.
Let's just stop right there and say that again.
People need encouragement.
People need encouragement.
I think I actually have said this before, but there's enough discouragement that people are experiencing, you know, in their jobs when they go to a restaurant.
People are so rude at restaurants anyway.
Yeah.
different thing it is it's true people just need people to encourage them not to lie to them but to encourage them and what they're doing and so that's what and I think too like people don't realize that when you are a public speaker or you stand in front of people speaking you are already your worst critique yes trust me everything you're gonna say we're probably already thinking
Yeah.
You're your worst critic.
Like you're already picking apart how you, you know, how you spoke, how you dressed.
What did I do that was silly?
Like, did I look awkward?
Right.
And you pick yourself apart.
And then for someone for you to walk off the platform and then someone to speak that over you.
I was mortified.
I was absolutely mortified.
Oh my goodness.
And see, the enemy would want you to never speak again.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And so now I've had to just kind of like overcome that and say like, nope, like I'm going to get up there.
And even if it's something simple, like I'm going to go greet the people and like give the announcements and that's what I do.
But that's like, that's overcoming, you know, some of that and just, and so.
Wow.
That's crazy.
I want to ask you this.
Is there a difference between being honest with someone and
and dishonoring them obviously we know you can dishonor them with your words but have you ever had to have a hard conversation and obviously you want to say things in love yes where how do you do that i want to hear how you do that like the hard conversation keeping things full of life but correcting them
Holy Spirit, help me.
Lord, give me the words to speak.
And just treating someone like, how would I want to receive this?
Or if this was someone sitting down with my child, or if this was someone sitting down with my grandmother, or someone, how would I want them to handle it?
And how would I want that corrected?
And just trying to be gentle with them.
Yeah.
With that.
That is so good.
That is so good.
We've talked a lot about words, but tone.
Do you remember when we went to Healing of the Heart and Pastor Denise said, where there's a tone, there's a stone.
We'll never forget that.
We quote that all the time in our house.
I'll never forget it.
There's a tone, there's a stone.
I know.
So Eric will throw that at me.
Oop.
There's a tone, there's a stone, you know, so that's a frequent flyer in our house.
I think you can say the right things at times, but if you say it in the wrong tone, it still has that heavy, you know, deathly, you know.
It's not what you said, it's how you said it, you know, that whole thing.
Yes.
So I think your tonality and like the way the way you say things, because, you know, there are people that they'll say that they're all truth, you know, and like usually all truth is where you kind of get that tone, you know, where there's like, you know, has to be truth and love, truth and grace, you know, it's like there has to be the love and that's where the tone changes.
That's right.
We've already talked about Proverbs 18, 21, but Proverbs 12, 18 says, the words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Yeah.
And it's so true.
It is true.
You know, and then Ephesians 4, 29 says, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.
Any unwholesome talk.
Any.
And joking and sarcasm and any of that.
The coarse jesting that the Bible talks about.
Yes, any of that.
But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.
So let me ask you this.
If a woman is watching or a man, it could be, you know, a man watching and it's about his wife or this is a woman about her husband and she is dealing with the pain of him never changing.
Like it's a hard place that she's in in her marriage or marriage.
a wife is running out on her husband or, you know, and things are happening.
How do you deal?
How, the words, what do you, what would you say to the woman or the man that is dealing with a bad situation?
Not denying the truth, right?
Because we can't deny the truth.
The truth, I mean, God doesn't say deny truth.
Right, right.
But how with our words, like even, what would you say to that?
How would you pray differently?
How would you speak differently?
And I just want to hear what you would say on that.
And then I might chime in.
I would just say, I mean, so you're asking me,
Just in a bad situation that feels hopeless.
Like what words can we speak over ourselves?
Yeah, I mean, because you were talking specifically about your husband and how you would complain and you would be critical.
Well, what if he's really, like they're in a situation where it's really bad.
Yeah.
And there there might be like a I don't know.
I'm trying to think like abuse or it's really bad.
How do my words play a part in what situation that situation that I'm in right now?
I mean, I think that I would just continue to speak life over.
And when I say life, I mean, just just encouragement even to yourself, you know, and just if you're in a bad situation.
What are we going to do to get out?
Like, what does the Bible say about the situation specifically?
Like, what does it say that if I'm sad, if I'm angry, if I'm mad and just trying to find the life and the word of God of what that says?
Yeah.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, it makes total sense.
And I think, too, not to get like super deep spiritually, but.
I know when my son was running from God and things in the natural did not look good.
And there were drugs involved.
There was a lot of girls involved.
And I remember it was so critical what I would say.
Like it was critical.
Like say to him?
No, to like out loud.
Because I knew that the enemy was waiting for me just to agree with what he was doing.
Right.
So you're careful.
Like you will even get to the place where you're careful what you say out loud.
And that goes back to like what you're confessing.
And that's just the way I like it.
Because as soon as you agree with something, as soon as your confession agrees with something, the enemy is waiting for that opportunity.
Yes.
To jump on it and be like, see, she agrees.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And so it becomes critical to guard what I'm getting ready to say.
And I think in my prayer time, I would declare the opposite.
So he was running from God.
In my prayer time, I would say, thank you, Lord, that my son is serving you.
Amen.
Thank you, Lord, that he is dating a godly woman.
He's going to marry a godly woman.
And like in my prayer time, like the enemy would try to mirror like what I actually see.
Oh, go ahead and you say that.
Say that what you see in the natural.
But Holy Spirit was like, no, you declare what I see.
That is so good.
And so I would go anoint.
I didn't have anointing all at the time.
I would go anoint his pillow.
And he was even at college.
He was 18 hours away at the University of Maine.
And I would go into his bedroom and anoint his pillow.
And I would say, you are serving God.
Wow.
You are walking in the calling that God has on your life.
That's the power of a praying mama right there.
Oh my goodness.
And at the time, I'm just doing this by faith, girl.
I would say these things and then go weep.
And it's so hard because you can get so focused on what you do see that you never declare.
You lose sight of what the Lord has promised you.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I agree, too, that we have to do things in faith, believing.
And I think it's, oh, I wish I could think of the scripture.
It's in the New Testament, and it's Paul speaking.
And he says, I speak those things that be not as though they are.
Yes, yes, yes.
And
And you're going to look crazy doing it.
You know, it's going to look crazy until it happens.
Until it happens.
And your son marries a godly woman, you know, and now they have a baby and they're just like thriving.
And so it's going to look crazy until it happens.
But keep declaring those things in those hopeless situations, declaring that God will do what he promised you that he will do.
Yes.
I think that's so crucial.
It makes all the difference.
So good.
uh i love what james three says it says the tongue is a is small but it's powerful and he compares our tongue to a rudder in a in a huge boat i've heard like it's a go ahead change your mouth you can change your life because that'll guide the trajectory of your life yeah yeah so good
Man, where do I want to go?
Because there's so many things that I have written here.
Luke 6, 45 says that words reveal what's actually happening on the inside of us.
And we talked a little bit about the out of the heart, the mouth speaks.
And, you know, I guess my question to you is, okay,
When you're tempted to say something that is not of God, doesn't line up with Scripture, it's producing death, not life.
If it's in my heart.
Yeah, why?
First of all, why is it there?
And second of all, how do I change my thinking and my heart?
Which leads me to a listener question that I want to speak on because I think you could speak into this.
And it's...
It's first about kids because my kids are grown now and I can speak into it, but you are right in the thick of it.
We are in the thick of it.
And I want to talk and just ask you, so this is from Anna.
She says, how do I correct my kids without making them feel like they're the problem?
Speak to that, Stace.
I would just, so for me, I've had to make sure that I'm giving my kids clear instructions.
That they know, first of all, if I say don't touch something, then they know I mean don't touch it.
You know what I mean?
And there have to be clear instructions given.
Once the clear instructions are given, if they do whatever you said not to do, we'll go with don't touch the stove.
This is actually a great example because this happened in my house.
So if I say don't touch the stove,
and then my son goes and touches the stove, you know, first of all, he's going to get burned.
Or if it's, yeah, we'll go with that.
He's also going to get in trouble because I literally said, don't touch the stove, you know, or like, don't turn on the TV, whatever it is.
If he goes and I'm like, I've said right now that we're not watching TV, don't turn on the TV.
If he goes and he turns on that TV, it's like, now you're in trouble because you understood that
Right.
Not to do it.
You know, if if I wake up and he goes out there and he turns on the TV and I just say, why are you turning on the TV?
He's probably confused because there wasn't clarity around that.
So I think as parents, we have to make sure that we have set our children up for success to know what is allowed and what is not allowed.
But then also, I know that we try really hard in our house that when our kid does something to one, make sure that the punishment matches that.
the incident, you know, punishment matches the crime, if you will, to make sure that like, um, like if it's something that my kid is, um, you know, if they go onto the dock without a life jacket on, that's a big no-no in our family.
If they run out into the street without looking both ways, something that can really cause harm to them, those are really big deals to us.
And we're going to treat them like they're big deals.
Um, if our kid's disrespectful, we're
We're going to treat that like it's a big deal.
We're going to sit down with them and explain, hey, like you're getting a little pow pow because you disrespected, you know, such and such or you didn't listen for this and explain to them that we love them, that we care for them.
But like you cannot do this and this behavior is not allowed.
And so and I think that's the most caring thing.
that a parent can do.
I think too, I would add that with my babies, one of the things that I tried to do, I'm not saying I was perfect at it.
Um, because when you're in the moment, you're just like, Oh yeah.
That's why I have to send my kids to their room so that I can calm down.
So I'm not just like whacking kids out of just like being so frustrated, but like I give them a second to calm down and like give myself a second to calm down too.
Yeah, that's good.
One of the things that I tried to do was speak to the heart of I know, depending on what it is, if it's the remote, if it's the TV, that's one way of disciplining that, you know, is treated differently.
But if it's like a big thing, like say a lie, like you lied to me, which this will probably happen when your kids get a little older.
But like I try to take them to scripture and say, I don't feel like you're a liar.
That's not who you are.
Like I don't want them to take on that identity.
Like, I don't know how old Anna's kids are, but there will be different situations, you know, depending on the age.
But speaking to the heart, like, I know that you didn't mean to be disobedient because your heart wants to obey.
That's so good.
And showing them the scriptures of obedience, you know, and what the Bible says about obedience.
And we do this because we love the Lord.
I feel like could happen, and I feel like I actually stepped into that.
My siblings and I is stepping into behavior modification instead of truly being transformed by the thinking, right?
Like, oh, mom's not looking.
We can do it.
Or dad's not looking.
Let's do it.
But if you go and you speak to the heart—
then Jesus is always there and we live our character.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
And obviously these are as they get older and things like that.
That's so good.
But what you said is so true too.
And it depends on like what the situation is.
I think that the discipline from standing in the street with a car coming and
right it's going to be a lot different than if they you know what i mean touch the stove exactly yeah so there's there's all there's different things in that discipline comes the word like disciple you know and these like are our little disciples and so we have to teach them so good not only like hey don't do that but like the why behind it and you know we believe in the word of god and this is what it says about that and so just to echo what you're saying
Yes.
It's like it's a discipleship moment more than just discipline, but a discipleship moment.
Yes.
I want to do one more listener question just because we have time.
This listener didn't want a name put out there, but she asked a question.
How do you rebuild trust in a relationship where there's been hurt or betrayal?
Wow.
I want to hear how you respond to this.
How do you rebuild the trust in a relationship where there's been hurt and betrayal?
Yeah.
I would say first and foremost, you have to make up your mind if you're going to forgive or not forgive.
That's good.
You know, don't say you're going to forgive, but not truly forgive because then you're just going to make it miserable for everyone, you know?
So I would say you have to forgive and make up your mind that you are going to forgive because if not, you'll just keep plunging up old poo poo and it'll just be like, it'll just be miserable again.
Like,
For everybody involved and then also just working together with that person, you know, because both have to be, I feel like, on the same page.
Yeah.
You know, the one that did the betrayal has to work overtime almost to build that trust back and to be willing to do whatever it takes to get that trust back, to earn the trust that was lost back.
What if they don't repent to you?
If they don't repent to you.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, if they're unapologetic.
Are we talking about a marriage situation?
I don't know.
She didn't say, but I was just thinking about that because there's been times where there's been betrayal in my life.
they did not see that evidently as betrayal.
And there wasn't a repentance.
It was, I felt like I did what I was supposed to do.
But to me, it was betrayal.
How do you
Handle that.
I think that – don't you feel like that's between you and the Lord?
Yes.
You've got to take that to the Lord.
You have to take it to the Lord because you can't put your healing in the hands of the one that hurts you.
So you can't – isn't that good?
That came from healing of the heart too.
It did, and I've hung on to that.
Because it's like you can't expect someone to –
you know, you can't put your healings in the one that hurts you.
And so you can't expect that person to be the one that heals you.
The Lord will heal you and he will heal you and he will restore you, you know, better than you were before that.
You know what I mean?
Like he'll restore your heart and he'll make it new.
And so, and I think that applies to that situation as well for someone who's lost trust in someone.
And I think
And I also think that this is maybe a different direction, but also vengeance is the Lord's.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
And so there is a peace in knowing that it's like, I don't have to go and make that person feel bad for what they did.
But like the Lord, the Lord is going to take care of that.
And he's going to take care of it in a way that is so much better than we could do.
And that it like works for all parties involved.
You know what I mean?
Like he cares for that person as well.
So like he's going to discipline them in the way, you know what I mean?
Yes.
And the way that he sees fit too.
And so there's a peace in knowing that like the Lord goes before me.
He is my defender.
He's going to take care of this.
So good.
And I think you have to.
Not I think.
I know.
In every situation, you live with your hands like this.
Yes.
This relationship comes for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.
That's so good.
And I live open-handed.
Yeah.
And if they're never brought back to me, like if they're never my friend again.
Yeah.
then I live like this and I have to forgive.
There's not a question.
The Bible says that God doesn't forgive us unless we forgive.
Right.
And so I've got to forgive.
I can't live double-minded.
Yes.
You know, I can't wake up one day and say, oh, I don't forgive him today.
Like I felt like it yesterday.
You'll be unstable in all your ways.
And so, you know, that's what the Bible says.
And so that's why I said it's so important to make up your mind.
You know, if you were going to forgive that person, like make up your forgive that person.
But then.
It's also like unforgiveness is what drinking the poison and like hoping that the other person dies.
So it's like you want to forgive.
You want to do everything you can to seek out what does it mean to forgive somebody?
What does that look like?
Does that because it doesn't mean forgive and just let them walk all over you.
Yes.
You know, that's not what forgiveness is.
And so it's just like seeking out what does that mean for your context and how do I practically live this out?
That is so, so good.
I love it.
Well, guys, thank you so much for listening.
And Stacy, thank you.
Thank you for having me.
I've just loved our conversation today.
And I feel like the power of words is going to touch so many people because we live it every day.
Like it's something we have to be conscious of every single day.
And so this was right on time.
So thank you, Stacy.
I love you.
Love you.
And I'm so thankful that you're in my life.
Likewise.
We'll see you guys next time.
Thanks for joining me for today's episode of From My Father.
I encourage you to every day ask the Father, what is it that you want me to receive from you today?
If you enjoyed today's conversation, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.
Remember, every good and perfect gift comes from our Father.
That's all for today, friends.
Until next time, keep leaning in to the Father's voice.