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Tap to send me your reflections ♡ How do we navigate the stormy seas of grief while keeping our creative spark alive? In this deeply personal episode, I open up about the emotional toll of grief and how it's impacted my ability to produce consistent podcast episodes this season. You'll hear about a fully recorded session that I ended up deleting, and how, with Anton's wise guidance, I've seen that speaking about how creativity can diminish in grief, is part of rekindling creativity. From p...
Tap to send me your reflections ♡
How do we navigate the stormy seas of grief while keeping our creative spark alive?
In this deeply personal episode, I open up about the emotional toll of grief and how it's impacted my ability to produce consistent podcast episodes this season. You'll hear about a fully recorded session that I ended up deleting, and how, with Anton's wise guidance, I've seen that speaking about how creativity can diminish in grief, is part of rekindling creativity.
From personal experiences like the loss of loved ones or navigating significant changes, we explore how activities like journaling can provide emotional relief and support. We discuss the concept of "transitional work," emphasising the importance of letting go of expectations and allowing our creativity to serve as a healing process.
Drawing wisdom from a grieving artist and a poignant Chinese proverb, we highlight the necessity of self-compassion and the role of various creative outlets—whether it's painting, music, or gardening—in holding sorrow so it doesn't overwhelm us.
Finally, I touch on the joy and inner wisdom that can be found in Flow Journaling, and an invitation to explore my book, "In the Flow" - and see how it can enhance your journaling practice and connection to your inner self.
BOOK: In the Flow - journal your creative wisdom
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/bookshop
RESOURCES
https://www.headspace.com/articles/grief-creativity-together
POEM
Memory is a strange bird doling out the world in
shards—
the stuff we are made of.
I am the keeper, now, I hold them all.
Tonight as I wr
***
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A space to settle in and listen, and see where the episode takes you. This inspiring, reflective podcast is an invitation to travel deeper, with compassionate self-enquiry.
Henny shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so there are no one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what’s true for you, and to grow from there.
If you’re drawn to slowing down, listening in, and exploring what it means to live with greater authenticity, this podcast is for you. Guided by psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching, flow journaling, and everyday compassion, we explore ideas that help us step further into our inner worlds, in order to shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.
Henny: A couple of days ago, I
told Anton I've got absolutely
nothing for the podcast, and I
talked about how I've been
finding it hard to harness the
creativity that's needed, of
course, to show up here, to be
in this space, to be in uh
creative communion with others,
and that may well have uh shown
up in some of the episodes that
I've published in this season.
Um, it's been a little sporadic
.
I've've published episodes that
have been a little different,
rather than these discursive,
exploratory episodes.
They've been shorter, much
easier to create, and there have
even been gaps, which is
something that hasn't happened
before, and I even recorded a
whole episode and ended up
deleting the entire thing, which
also is something I've never
done before.
I've recorded episodes and then
found that the sound wasn't on.
That's happened, but I've never
recorded one and then deleted
it.
And so Anton, wise being that
he is, said, talk about that,
then.
So here I am, talking about
having nothing to say.
Welcome to the Henny Flynn
podcast, the space for deepening
self-awareness with profound
self-compassion.
I'm Henny, I write, coach and
speak about how exploring our
inner world can transform how we
experience our outer world, all
founded on a bedrock of
self-love.
Settle in and listen and see
where the episode takes you
episode takes you.
So if you are part of the
mailing list, then you may have
seen that last week I shared, or
re-shared, an old episode from
the podcast, which is about
grief and specifically grief
recovery, which I find is a
really curious phrase.
I'm not sure it's something we
ever really recover from.
I'm really curious about the
word covering and recovering,
like is that?
Is that really what we're doing
when we're, um, moving forward
within grief?
Um, yeah, I mean that's I
suppose it can become semantics,
but, um, my sense is more that
we accommodate grief within us,
we make space for it, just as we
held space for the love that
was the precursor to the grief,
and grief, of course, affects
all of us in very different ways
.
So, um, if you're not familiar
with, um, some of the messages
that I've been sharing over the
past few weeks, then, um, you
may not have seen that we, as in
our friendship group, are
experiencing a really profound
loss now and, um, and it's
affected so many people that I
love so deeply, including myself
, and and I'm really curious
about it.
I'm curious about it in a
deeply personal way and I'm
curious about it in a
professional way as well, and
I've really explored internally.
You know, is this something
that I want to talk about?
Is it okay for me to talk about
it?
But I feel that it is because
this is so universal, and this
perspective that I would love to
explore today is this
perspective of how grief affects
us in terms of our creativity
and that creative energy that we
have, and it I feel strongly
that creativity is something
that is a fundamental human need
.
Now, we might not necessarily
see ourselves as creative beings
and, in fact, until uh, two or
three years ago when oh, maybe a
little bit longer than that,
but where a good friend laughed
when I said I wasn't sure if I
was creative, and she said oh,
my god, annie, um, you're
incredibly creative.
You just don't see yourself as
someone who can draw.
Um, I, I really have this very
strong sense that we are all
creative beings and and even
just um, you know, when we cook
a meal, when we uh choose what
clothes to wear, when we put a
plant in a pot or in our garden,
you know these are all acts of
creativity.
And when we sow seeds, when we
have conversations that are
really nourishing, when we speak
to young people, these are all
deeply creative acts because we
are influencing and informing
something that comes next um.
So I think creativity is a a
human given, which is a
psychological, uh sort of
evaluation of you know, things
that we all require in our lives
to some degree or other, and
obviously, for some people,
creativity is, is absolutely
their lifeblood, and if they
don't have access to it, it's
incredibly difficult and
frightening for them, whereas
for others of us we might not.
Like I said before ourselves,
then maybe we can see that
actually creativity is also
something that is important to
us and when we're denied it it
can feel very, very difficult
indeed.
So I usually have vast reserves
of creative energy and, you
know, I see it as a huge
blessing and it can also be a
bit of a challenge at times as
well.
I have to maintain a very
compassionate discipline around.
You know, not kind of beginning
a project and then moving on
because something else has taken
my attention.
You know the shiny thing
syndrome.
But there are times when that
reserve of creative energy feels
depleted and this is one of
those times.
So I've been honoring it.
You know, as I said in the intro
, I've been honouring it.
You know, as I said in the
intro, I've been approaching the
podcast in a different way.
There are no rules.
You know, if we've been hanging
out together for a little while
, you'll know that that's
something that I've created.
So there's no one standing over
me saying I have to do a
podcast episode every week, but
we can build a story or a rule
inside ourselves that says I
should be doing it or I must, I
ought to be doing it.
So I've been honoring that, um,
I've I've been saying no to
things, um, and I've been saying
yes to other things, and I've
been showing up in my rawness
when I've said yes.
Um, and, and alongside that,
I've also been really paying
very mindful attention to how
I've shown up for my clients as
well.
And I mean, this is almost a
whole other episode actually,
because there's been a very
particular quality to those
client sessions that I've had
really beautiful quality to it,
not that there isn't always a
beautiful quality, but I've just
noticed, almost like a sort of
a new enzyme in the system, and
you know, I've absolutely loved
those conversations and, and you
know, doing this therapeutic
coaching work.
It is a process of creativity
because I never know where a
conversation is going to go.
You know it's not up to me, um,
what is most important for that
client.
So it is a deep act of
creativity and you know, and,
and inner connection and
willingness to follow the scent,
you know, and, and inner
connection and willingness to
follow the scent, you know, to
follow the trail and and see
where it leads.
And we've had some amazing
moments of insight and awareness
over the last few weeks and I
really cherish that.
So it really doesn't feel as
though anything has been
diminished, and I think this is
this is very interesting because
, um, my sense is that we are
able to pay attention to what
really needs our attention, um,
and maybe we are able to
practice discernment around what
really doesn't need our
attention right now.
I'm also really mindful that,
you know, as for so many of us,
work can be a very useful
distraction when we're
experiencing a time of grief and
, and as I say all of this, I'm
also extremely mindful of the
range of grief that we can feel,
um, when it's, uh, the loss of
someone who who is extremely
close to us, you know, a partner
, a child, a parent.
That holds each one of those
holds its own quality, when it's
a friend, a colleague, someone
that we don't know well but we
really liked.
You know, know, each of those
holds its own quality and
obviously, of course, grief
isn't just about the death of
somebody.
Grief is also about change.
It's about moving home, it's
about changing jobs, it's
retiring, it's about different
life stages.
So, you know, my sense is that
all of these griefs can all
affect our sense of creativity.
So I've been honouring this
need for less and, as I said,
anton, in his very wise, wise
way, suggested that maybe I come
here and and talk about this.
And I've also been doing some
research around the loss of
creativity through grief.
And it's fascinating how much
research there is out there, not
only on the impact of grief on
creativity but also on the
importance or the value of
creativity in supporting us as
we navigate grief.
So one of the bits of research
that I came across showed that
experiencing sadness, which is
essentially what grief is
experiencing sadness results in
a deactivation of the left
prefrontal areas of the brain
relative to the right side, and
while the left side of our brain
specializes in positive
emotions, like joy and hope, the
right hemisphere specializes in
emotions like anxiety.
So, unsurprisingly, the right
side of the brain seems to be
more active during periods of
grief.
Right side of the brain seems
to be more active during periods
of grief, but something that's
shown up in the bit of research
that I was reading.
I don't know if you can hear
Ronnie scratching in the
background, I'm so sorry, I have
tried to stop him, but the main
problem during grieving seems
to be the relative deactivation
of the left hemisphere rather
than the over activation of the
right hemisphere, if that makes
sense.
So it's more about the left
side getting suppressed rather
than the right side getting
activated.
So, even if creativity can help
to heal, when we're navigating
grief, we don't always feel like
tapping into our creative sides
following a loss or a trauma.
So I think this is really
interesting.
It completely plays out what
I've experienced, and I'd be so
curious to hear from you whether
you've also noticed this.
So it's not so much that you're
feeling even more anxious or
some of those sort of emotions
that we might label not so
positive or might label negative
, negative, um, but it's more a
kind of suppression of the um,
the feelings of joy and energy,
that creative energy I was
talking about, um and, and so
therefore the energy that we
have to become creative again
just doesn't seem to be
available for us.
I've definitely, definitely
experienced that over the last
few weeks and it's and I'm
really interested at interest,
actually, as I look back over
other griefs that I've
experienced big changes loss of
my mother.
We had a, a miscarriage a few
years ago, um, many several
years ago.
You know, and I'm very aware as
I look back at those times,
that I experienced the same
thing, but I I didn't have the
self-awareness that I've got now
to, to really pay attention, um
, and I'd be curious to know has
that been something that you've
noticed yourself?
Whether or not you consider
yourself to be doing a job that
is centered in creativity?
However, alongside this,
research also shows that the
mere expression of emotion in
artistic form when you are
hurting is beneficial.
So isn't that fascinating?
The thing that we don't want to
do could potentially be the
thing that could help us
navigate, the thing that's
stopping us?
Um, I think I mean this.
This is sort of reminding me of
another, of a quote which I just
can't quite get my fingers on.
If, if that um sparks something
for you, will you let me know,
because I feel like there's a
famous quote about that
somewhere.
Um, and I I think for me it's
one of the reasons why
journaling has been and
continues to be such an
important practice for me, and
it's the reason why I wrote In
the Flow Journal your Inner
Wisdom, because you know, when
we are experiencing times of
loss or pain or change or
sadness, or change or sadness,
being able to express ourselves
creatively, and in psychological
and research terms, it's often
called expressive writing.
It enables us to release
emotions, thoughts, feelings
that we might otherwise suppress
or bottle up in some way, and
so the act of putting pen to
paper becomes an act of
creativity and, as the research
shows, that can actually really
support us when we're in a
painful place.
So isn't that beautiful, um?
And there's there's another
article which I'm going to share
in the show notes, which I
found to be a really interesting
piece, and it's from someone
who coaches people who are
artists in their creative work,
and she had experienced her own
grief the loss of her father
after two and a half years of
managing coping with cancer, and
so she she was really noticing
the impact of grief on her own
creative work, and one of the
things that she talks about is
allowing transitional work.
So if we think about journaling
, um, it may be that if you're
experiencing a time of loss
yourself.
Right now, you put pen to paper
and the the words don't seem to
flow, they don't seem to really
make sense.
Maybe they're repetitious, you
know.
Maybe it just doesn't feel
quite comfortable for you.
But she calls this transitional
work and I really love this
concept.
I love the compassion that is
in what she talks about, because
she's saying let go of the
expectations and the outcomes of
your transitional work.
So if you're an artist, if you
put, you know, paintbrush to
canvas or or ink to, uh, you
know, to parchment, then um,
allow that those first few
pieces to be transitional.
If you're a musician, just make
noise.
If you're not a musician, get a
drum and just make noise.
Don't worry about what it is
that is being created.
Just allow the act of
creativity itself to be your
transitional work and let it be
in service of this transitional
time.
I mean, isn't that so gorgeous,
this idea that we create in
service of the experience of
transition from what was into
what will be?
And she says only ask what do I
feel and need from this work?
Then surrender to what wants to
come through you and do not
judge it.
Meet it with openness and
acceptance.
And she goes on to say find a
way to remind yourself daily to
treat yourself with kindness and
compassion.
You can see why her writing
really resonated with me.
I mean, I read what she wrote
and I just thought I really want
to meet this woman.
She sounds so gorgeous and she
says this will help preserve
your self-identity and
self-worth.
I think this is a really
important point, actually,
particularly if some aspect of
your identity is tied up with
creativity, with creation which
mine almost certainly is, even
if I don't necessarily want to
admit that it almost certainly
is and so it will help preserve
that sense of self-worth, that
sense of identity, and while
this is always essential for the
support and nurturance of your
creative process, it is never
more important than it is at
this time.
This act of kindness and
compassion toward ourselves, in
whatever creative endeavor is,
you know we enjoy, whether that
is gardening, painting, music
making, writing, moving.
You know creating beautiful
makeup.
You know whatever the thing is
for you.
You know styling people's hair.
You know like, whatever it is
that you do that is creative, uh
, building, um.
You know models.
You know just really really
hold yourself with compassion
and give yourself the
opportunity to be creative.
Um, and there's a sort of couple
more points that I'd love to to
share here.
One is, um, I came across a
chinese proverb that says you
cannot prevent the birds of
sorrow from flying overhead, but
you can prevent them from
building nests in your hair.
I'm going to say that again, as
someone with long and quite
often unbrushed hair, this idea
of birds building nests in my
hair kind of resonates with me.
But the proverb says you cannot
prevent the birds of sorrow
from flying overhead, but you
can prevent them from building
nests in your hair.
But how do we do that?
How do we prevent the birds of
sorrow from building nests in
our hair?
And maybe, maybe, part of this
process is allowing ourselves
this, this gateway, this doorway
, this access into some form of
creativity.
And you know, I've sort of I've
tried to give kind of
indicators.
You know, throughout this, this
episode, of what that
creativity could look like, and
some more of just kind of come
flooding in.
You know, whether that's
embroidery, or crochet, or
knitting, or weaving or or
whittling, or planting, you know
, whatever your access route is,
you know, only you will know
what's something that you really
love to do, that in the past
you found solace in, or
enjoyment, joy, and allowing
that door to that place of
creativity to open, even if it's
just a little, and just
spending some time in that space
can be such a powerful and
important part of this healing
process.
And it's just reminded me,
actually, of a one of the poems
from my darling girl, which is
it's okay having nothing to say.
I might, I might hook it out at
the end and share that with you
as well, but before I do that, I
also came across another piece
which really resonates with this
, well, with this idea of the
birds of sorrow, actually, but
also this idea of creativity as
a tool, as a um, a vehicle to
support us as we move through
grief, and it's a poem by a
writer called Jessica Moore,
from a collection called
Everything Now.
And the poem is this and again,
I'm going to put this poem into
the notes so that you can spend
a little time with it, because
I think it's it's really worth
it.
And so the words go memory is a
strange bird doling out the
world in shards, the stuff we
are made of.
I am the keeper.
Now I hold them all.
Tonight, as I write, I become
conjurer when I open my hands a
thousand sparrows.
God.
Isn't that so beautiful?
It's so beautiful.
I just want to read it again
and again.
This idea of you know, memory
are strange birds, but when we
write, when we create, we
release a thousand sparrows,
isn't that?
So, oh gosh, there's something
so evocative about that.
And, and there's another artist
I'd love to um just mention here
too.
Um, that came up for me when I
was thinking about this.
I mean, isn't it ironic?
I started this, uh, this
episode, saying I've got nothing
to say, and, um, I've managed
to say quite a lot, and so I'm
living evidence of my own
message, really, that by tapping
into this left side of my brain
, the left hemisphere of my
brain, opening the doorway into
my own creativity, I've been
able to step inside and be in it
in a way that really feels
wonderful to me and, hopefully,
is enjoyable, useful for you in
some way.
Um, so there is an amazing
ceramicist or potter, whatever
you phrase you like um, a guy
called paul smith, and I really
recommend finding him on
Instagram.
If you're on there, I think
he's just at.
Paul Smith is his, uh, his uh,
profile.
Um struck me, and it was a piece
that I labeled Little Red
Riding Hood and the Wolf.
I'm not sure that's quite how
he called it, but for me that
was what it represented.
And the wolf and little red
riding hood are having the most
beautiful hug, and it just felt
like it was so subversive.
It was just turning this whole
story of uh, you know the little
girl being so frightened.
You know this idea of like, how
we um relate to our fears.
In the story, the girl is
literally consumed by the fear.
In Paul's reinterpretation,
they meet as equals and hug, and
it's so beautiful.
And many years later, I came
across a photograph that I'd
taken of this piece and I
realized that it was such an
incredible representation of my
own internal experience that I'd
navigated my way to by that
point, which was that the black
dog that I sense is inside me,
representative of anger, a part
that I was always quite scared
of, was actually a part of me
that was really just trying to
look out for me and I didn't
need to be frightened of him.
And so, as I was like having
all of these thoughts, I came
across, you know, popped up on
my phone, one of those memory
pictures and I happened to share
.
Oh, you know, this picture
really reminds me.
It's reminiscent of this piece
of work I've been doing
internally and a whole load of
people wrote back to me and said
, oh, it's Paul Smith, he's an
amazing ceramicist.
Someone else else said he's a
friend of ours.
Someone else said I've got a
piece of his work.
And it was like, oh, hang on a
minute, this, this guy.
I need to connect with this guy
.
And I ended up commissioning a
special version of the black dog
and the girl hugging and I have
it on the mantelpiece in our
house and I absolutely love it.
Every time I look at it it
fills me with so much joy.
The love that he has imbued
these two figures as they hug
each other.
I mean that love is absolutely
astonishing.
The expressions on their face
is so beautiful.
And then so the reason for
giving you that long preamble,
that story, the reason for
sharing this is recently I saw
he shared another version of the
wolf and the girl, and this
time they are dancing.
And I am now turning my head to
look at this piece because it is
sitting on my desk in my stable
where I work, and for me it is
so representative of what was
the girl and the black dog
hugging.
And now the dog has grown up
into a wolf and the girl has
grown into a woman and they are
dancing a tango together and, oh
, it's the most joyful thing and
it feels so resonant here as we
not turning our back on it, but
the movement through it and
remaining connected with the
emotion, the beautiful emotions
that also sit inside it, because
without love we cannot have
grief and how we can have a
visual representation from the
two, or from two of the aspects
of it one, this closeness, this
hugging, this care, caring, and
the other, this strength and
movement and joy of the dancing
woman and wolf.
So I'd like to say, I'd like to
say farewell.
Now I think I am going to read
this poem from my Darling Girl.
That also feels resonant, um,
but I'll say goodbye.
Before I do that and and also, I
think, for my own well-being, I
think this is the last episode
of this season.
Um, I'm about to head into my
August break where I I don't
work, um, I don't see clients, I
don't do, uh, speaking events,
I don't teach flow, journaling,
I come off social media, um, I
don't send emails, um, although
you will still get everyday
compassion, because that's that
just runs in its own beautiful
way.
Um, and, and it feels right for
me to to say, this season has
been, you know, a slightly
disrupted season, and that is
okay, because that's also such
an important part of this.
All isn't it, that there are no
rules.
This is, this is my creative
space, and what feels okay for
me is okay, and I trust that you
also feel that too, and that's
why you're here.
So, yeah, this is the end of
this season and I will see you
again in September with season
15.
Cor blimey, governor, governor,
how did we get here?
Anyway?
I'll see you for season 15 and
I also.
I just want to say as well if
what I was saying about
journaling um resonates with.
I have seen, with people who
have been using the new book in
the flow, so much like joy
coming through and inner wisdom
and inner connection and
sensitivity to to themselves, to
what's going on in their inner
landscape, and also just just
really enjoying writing um.
I've seen so many people
getting so much pleasure from
the book that I really do
recommend it to you.
I know I wrote it and it's a
bit weird, isn't it when, uh,
like recommending our own thing,
but I wouldn't have written it
if I didn't think it was going
to be useful.
And you can buy it on Amazon,
if that's where you get your
books, or you can get it from
world of books, or you can get
it from bookshoporg, which is my
favorite place, because they
always givea percentage of their
profits to independent
bookshops, which I think is
brilliant.
And you can also get it direct
from my gorgeous, amazing
publisher in a work project, so
I'll put a link to it in the
show notes as well.
You know, as a tool to explore
through the summer, I think it's
a pretty good one, to be honest
, wonderful thing to take on
holiday with you, but also just
a wonderful thing to have by
your bed and maybe use to help
you build or return to or
further develop your own
journaling practice.
So, all right, my darlingslings
, I send you a hug and a wave.
My darling girl, it's okay
having nothing to say.
I see you struggling to form
the words, to shape the sounds
that you think others might want
to hear, to ease the meaning
out of your heart and into
another's.
I see you face the blank paper,
pencil, sharpened pen, inked
desk, tidied, ready for the flow
and tumble of consonants and
vowels, dripping with
punctuation points.
I see you dig around in your
mind, discarding this, that and
the other as not worthy of your
penmanship, not worthy of your
readership.
I see you ache in a desire to
speak your truth, but find your
truth has no words today, and
that's okay.
Sit still in the silent space.
Hold your truth within.
When it's ready, the words will
begin.