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A podcast for multi-skilled coaches and experts who are ready to leverage their unique expertise, create money overflow all while embodying ease. Real conversations about integration, embodiment, and building a business that honors all of who you are. Solo episodes, guest interviews, and guided meditations.
Relinde: [00:00:00] So I'm live here today with the amazing Mira. And Mira and I, we go a while back now, like how many years, I don't know, years.
Mira Rao: I want to say, 2012, 2013, 10 years now.
Relinde: Amazing! So we met 10 years ago in Bali. And it was pretty magical because I went there for a holiday.
And in no time, a friend of a friend, we were connected, we met, and you were back then managing a beautiful yoga studio in Ubud. And because of Mira I stayed because you offered me to teach yoga and dance classes.
iT was just so in flow. I was like, I didn't even try. It just happened. I think we were supposed to meet and and, but you gave me a huge opportunity that changed my life because that was really key part of me making so many big changes. So I'm very grateful. And besides that, I'm very in awe of all the things that you do, [00:01:00] that, so just for the people that are watching this or listening to this, Mira is a resilience and embodiment coach. She has an MBA. She is right now doing a master's in counseling. She is a yoga teacher, a musician, a dancer. And there's just so much to this woman, so much brilliance, a writer, like so many things that come together in you that we also, I think that's why we like spending time together so much.
Mira Rao: Might be, might have something to do. A little bit of simpatico. Yes.
Relinde: Maybe we have some things in common. Yeah. So Cool. And today you are here to talk about one of the topics that you talk that we have talked a lot about and that you have talked with my students about, which is entrepreneurial resilience and I'm so happy that you wanna do that. We are gonna dive deep. We are going to like, just let the conversation unfold and I'd love for you to share anything about yourself that I haven't said yet.
Mira Rao: I'm just as equally grateful to you, of course, because you [00:02:00] do amazing things. You inspired me. I remember I want to go back to some of those memories. And I was trying to remember what was actually our first meeting. I think it was in a salsa club in Ubud or dance night. And you've told me the story. I think. I approached you or you approached me. Our friend had put us in common. And then I think, did I say something weird to you?
Relinde: Yeah, you were in a bad mood. So I came up to you and I was like, Hey, so Rusty told me I should talk to you. And you were, I don't know, you just didn't feel like you were just dancing.
Mira Rao: Yeah, I remember you telling me that story. And I'm like, I can't believe that. I don't remember. So how do you Was I not, I must've been nice to you the second time.
Relinde: Yeah, exactly. I think I came, I must've, I also don't remember exactly, but I must've come to yoga class and we chatted and I think we had a coffee somewhere or like a tea or whatever.
Mira Rao: I redeemed myself.
Relinde: But you were really busy back then. Like you had a lot on your mind. There was a lot going on, managing that studio and teaching tons of classes. And we were [00:03:00] dancing salsa. Like you were doing that. I would followed.
Mira Rao: And I was still finishing my MBA online at that time while I was running that studio. Yeah. So I hadn't even finished my, that degree back then, but then I remember later after you'd worked in the studio for a while and you'd done dance classes and you'd done yoga classes and I remember seeing you in, I can't remember the name of that cafe. Anyway, one of the amazing cafes in Ubud and you were sitting there, you were journaling or writing or something.
And I was like, I'm up to, I was like, do you want to do a business with me? Really? And you're like, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. And then the evolution I think that's just what, every time I talk to you again and we reconnect, I'm like, oh, the. That moment of yeah, we're both, we're such similar types of people and this vision, right?
This vision to, to bring something amazing into the world. And we didn't even talk about embodiment back then, but I remember you were like, Mira, I'm already sick of people saying it this way, but it is still what I do. It's like helping people [00:04:00] be in their bodies. I don't want to hear someone say it again, cause it's become already cliche, that's what we do.
And I remember your passion as well. I can never forget that. Like that, there's moments and we might've been in that coworking space in Ubud and you were like. Mira, I don't want this vision of the starving artist to be the reality that's in this world. I don't believe it has to be that way, and look at what you've done.
Look at your business now. Like you've done that. You've manifested.
Relinde: Yeah. It's so interesting because we were both in a phase and a lot of the clients that I work with is they're figuring out like, what is exactly my offer? How am I going to package all these things together? And we were in that moment back then I had left behind my dance company when I was in Bali. You were in Bali, like managing that yoga studio. You were still, I think also business consulting and we're doing all this. And we were figuring out like, what is that? And we both knew, we were like in between, it's okay, there's the embodiment, there's personal spiritual development, the yoga, there's the [00:05:00] business development, there's all these things, how on earth is this going to come together?
Mira Rao: Yes.
Relinde: And if you look at us now, it's very interesting. How that has evolved and how things have fallen into place that we're both much more in a place where it's I know what I'm doing and I feel that this is my path and this is where it all is coming together. So let's talk a little bit more about what you do.
So how do you help your Lions at the moment, like what does that mean?
Mira Rao: It's interesting because, it relates to the journey, but essentially I was doing business consulting and I was doing working with people in wellness businesses, creative businesses, this type of area. And I noticed that it didn't matter what I taught them in terms of strategy. If their nervous system wasn't right, it would get sabotaged. Something would happen. It was not really necessarily that anything was wrong with their offer, their product, their systems, anything, but there was something wrong inside them. And. I would see that manifesting in these [00:06:00] different types of issues and procrastination and problems and not being able to show up on camera or lost opportunities or just blanking out going, really vague in their brains and I started to realize that to really help people. I needed to go deeper, so I needed to understand deeper. And then of course I had my own journey. I had the same experiences like you and I were just, we went, we teach from what we've learned.
Relinde: A little bit more about that Mira, like what is the difference back then?
You like how you did approach work and how that nervous system there and where you are now?
Mira Rao: Good. Good question. I was a workaholic. So the way I did it and different people have different strategies, but I had a background of trauma as many of us do. And I had a nervous system that had gotten stuck in survival states and as many of us do. And my way of coping with that and dealing with that was just to keep spinning in it. So to keep spinning in the survival state of workaholism of overactivity. So I couldn't sustain and then [00:07:00] burn out, right? So this is the cycle. So I couldn't sustain anything consistently long term because I would push so hard that I would just fry myself.
And that is what my work, when you met me. So you gave a beautiful example at the beginning. Like I was grumpy because I was probably exhausted and working 14 hour days, but I was stuck. Like this is the thing. My body was stuck there. It wasn't like I was intentionally trying to do that, but my nervous system had just been like set too high.
And I was stuck and that showed up in all those behaviors. Did you want me to talk about what it's like now?
Relinde: Let's stay there for a moment. Cause I, when I say now I realized oh, and I was actually too, because I had been in a dance company, which wasn't flowing anymore.
And I came to Bali and I was starting to give that up. But the first two weeks in Bali, I think I was sleeping and do nothing . So that was for me. It was also, if I look back like a huge, overriding and not listening. And when you share that as that is what it's doing. And it's very valuable to talk about that because That's right now.
So [00:08:00] what you help people with for me, that's part of what I do. It doesn't actually matter if you're a business owner or just person, but really as a business or coach or an expert or you put yourself out there. It's going to be mirrored back.
Mira Rao: 100%. So this is the thing you're right. Like I work with all sorts of people in all sorts of work walks of life. And the patterns are still the same of maybe there was trauma, maybe the nervous system got stuck and then you see endless patterns and cycles of the same stuff happening.
And the thing that makes it so fascinating to me and exciting in the area of business and entrepreneurship is there are a few things that amplify that. So it's much more obvious. So you can maybe bumble through life in your survival states and your nervous system with a secure government job or something like that, a little easier, but if you are an entrepreneur and you don't know where your next cash is coming from, and you have to be putting yourself out there talking about.
What you do in front of a whole bunch of people [00:09:00] all the time. These things are incredibly activating for the nervous system. So you're activating one is uncertainty and it's becoming known. I love that you're remembering it. It'll become my phrase. Entrepreneurship is the PhD course in uncertainty. So you have that uncertainty registers as threat in the nervous system.
And then you have visibility, right? You have boom, I'm standing out from the crowd, which again, potential for ostracization or exclusion. Which again, biologically speaking, evolutionarily speaking is threatening to our nervous system. Puts us into survival States very easily.
So if we don't get a hang of this in entrepreneurship, it's going to show up those crashes, those freak outs. They're going to come more often. They're going to come harder. And we may not even be able to do the things we need to do in the first place.
Relinde: Yeah. I love those. So what you said I wasn't able to maintain, but you can maybe do something spurt and then you collapse again, you collapse again.
Yeah. So tell us a [00:10:00] little bit more about, so from that moment that we met in Bali and you say actually in that moment, I was like workaholic was doing this thing. Like, how has your journey been to the business right now that you run helping so many people and online and really like even getting your master's in the same time, like what?
How has that been? How did you find that?
Mira Rao: Gosh it's been 10 years. So how do I summarize that? It's been beautiful. It's been enlightening. It's been where I sit today, I just feel quite moved because I feel deeply privileged and grateful that I am where I am and that I was helped.
I guess that's the thing I was helped when I was taught to understand my nervous system a little better and to work with my nervous system a little better and to have more compassion. Bringing that understanding that there was nothing wrong because traditionally we, in the coaching world or in psychology, there's this kind of pathology thinking that there's something wrong with us.
And when you begin to understand, Oh, I'm right, but the world is wrong. And so it's I've [00:11:00] come out stuck in this survival state, I've come out misshapen, but I'm actually perfectly formed for a healthy world, but we don't live in a healthy world. So I have to learn modern ways of adapting my nervous system a little more effectively.
Relinde: I'm actually right and the world is wrong. Tell me more about that. I want to understand it.
Mira Rao: To have a state of feeling safe or going into threat is hardwired biologically into our nervous system. That's how we built. So that was a survival strategy for threat. So the classic examples of the saber tooth tiger or the boulder coming down the hill, we need those responses.
So we need the body to be able to go pick out the thinking brain, bring in the survival brain, bring in the nervous system response, run away, fight the thing, play dead, whatever the response is, and then go back to safety and go on with life. Previously, threats came every now and then, right? And then we had safety, then a threat.
So the nervous [00:12:00] system gets activated. Then we had safety and we could discharge that energy, release that energy. So we were built perfectly for our environment. Now in modern culture, our environment. Feels to our nervous system. So we've got an ancient nervous system, but a modern culture. And so it feels like constant threat to our nervous system, right?
Traffic jams and blurring things and yelling and this and that, like our body is being asked to go into survival state all the time. And so when that happens, we don't get moments of safety. We can't.
Relinde: Does that include as well, as an entrepreneur Oh, am I going to make enough money next month?
Mira Rao: Of course, how much more survival instinct activating. And our modern version of am I going to get food? Is, am I going to get paid? Am I going to have a place to live? And am I going to have food? But that's basic level survival shit right there. Constantly coming at us.
Yeah. So not only are we in modern culture with constant threats, then we add in entrepreneurship. We're [00:13:00] putting ourselves into a context of activating the nervous system for survival now in modern times. We have learned how to bring in the conscious mind to have more influence over our nervous system and to teach the nervous system.
Oh, that looks like a threat. That feels like a threat, but it's not. I'm with you. You're okay. And so that's actually cool. It's actually pretty cool that we are through a dysfunctional, yucky, in my opinion, to some degree, experience in our culture of like overwhelm and intensity and too much and disconnection.
I can actually befriend and connect with my nervous system and, use it more consciously. Yes. This is a threat. Let's run away. No, this is not a threat. We can show up and be present and experience more beauty, more safety, more connection. It's cool.
Relinde: It's really cool. And you on your path in those past 10 years, at one point you discovered it was there a moment that you had
Mira Rao: Oh my God, it's so funny. Yeah. There, there is Relinde, I actually gave a talk earlier today as well. So I've been asked about my journey. This is my [00:14:00] second time today. And it was actually in 2017, the real beginnings of me understanding this. properly was in 2017 and I flew to New York and I did a course, I love New York, the ultimate in stimulation for the nervous system.
Relinde: I do remember you going there, but seeing it on Facebook and everything, oh my god, I remember the sparks that came off that. Okay, so yeah, that course.
Mira Rao: Yes, so back in New York in 2017 and I did a course. In yoga and 12 step recovery. So it was looking at, sabotage patterns in our lives and addiction patterns and how not to fall back into addictions by using yoga and using 12 step philosophy.
And during that course, the woman who runs that course, Nikki Myers, if anyone's interested, she's. Just turned 70. I think amazing woman in America. She started to teach the basics of how the nervous system functions in that course. And I learned, so I learned it through by that time, I [00:15:00] already had 15, 20 years.
I don't know if of yoga practice under my belt as well. So I learned it in this applied way of what's happening to my nervous system and in my brain. And. It was very applied. And Oh, instead of for me, my addiction was work, right? Workaholism and that stimulation, instead of doing another thing to try and achieve something, I can actually shift my state, shift my experience and come back to peace and centered or for somebody else.
It's instead of eating or instead of smoking or drinking, I can find peace and calm through my body, knowing what's actually happening biologically as I'm doing it. And there's something about the two things together that's a little bit different than just doing a yoga class. When you understand consciously as well what's happening biologically, to me anyway, there's something a little bit more powerful and magical that goes on.
It seems to be more effective.
Relinde: I recognize that also from some contemporary dance techniques, like really to be aware, like what happens if it is. Embodied anatomy or like understanding [00:16:00] what is actually happening in the body, just that awareness just improves the function of the system in the body, like instantly.
My gosh, I didn't know this about you. How cool. I love that we're having this. I didn't know this moment in New York was your embodied experience, your awakening, basically to Wow, it is my nervous system that is creating. What does it create? Is it creating the workaholism? Is it? How would you say that?
Mira Rao: So the workaholism, yeah, in a way the patterns of my nervous system are showing up as workaholism.
The creation is the trauma, the creation is, all of the different stuff, but yeah, my nervous system gets set to operating in a particular kind of, or did get set to operating in a particular kind of way. And so that's how it manifested. And with my nervous system and notice when it was going towards workaholism and that overstimulation and all of that and to bring it back a little bit more to a regulated state or [00:17:00] I've gone right down into a collapsed state and I can bring myself back into regulation. It was just, it was life changing and the personal part of that journey was that I reassure my clients, it's really hard to go through, but if you have had a lot, let me put it simply a lot of shit happen in your life and you've had traumas, childhood, adult, there is likely to be a moment, it often happens in the kind of mid thirties.
Where your life will unravel and your being will unravel and that's got to happen because that workaholism, that nervous system, all of that's, it's not really you. It's like a whole coping strategy that's been created to deal with life and it's not authentic and it's not true and it needs to come down, but it's fricking terrifying when it does.
Life feels. So what, who am I, what is going on? I don't understand. And I watched this with my clients, when they're really like, I can't live like this anymore. Something has to change. And then yeah, that depth of. [00:18:00] Surrendering it. Okay. I'm just going to let go of this workaholic. I'm going to heal. I don't know. I don't know where that's going to go, what that looks like, what's happening. And yeah, I had a really massive journey myself go alongside it. And that's why, so I had the awakening that took me into the journey. I had to use all those tools. I did lots of other trainings and courses around the same sort of material over the next few years and then I'd say it was about three or four years of intense working with my own nervous system through that time to really integrate that knowledge into my own being my own life, so when I teach, and this is what people tell me, I teach from a very grounded place because I'm not teaching you just what I've learned.
I'm teaching you blood, sweat and tears, what I've learned, what I've experienced and had to go through. And so I can sit with somebody as well and say, look, I know it's possible. I don't know what's going to happen in your journey, but I know a hundred percent know that it's possible to heal.
Relinde: And that transmission of like you having lived it you're teaching from an [00:19:00] embodied experience. That is what we really want. So what most of us crave because that feels very purposeful, it feels very compelling, but also it is just that thing that comes through you that it doesn't even have competitors or am I doing this good enough because you as you said, and I feel that when you say it, you just know, because and you can see you can hold the vision for a client who is in a place where they think, Oh, my gosh, what you said, the world is falling apart.
It's going to be okay, because I know it. And that is immensely powerful.
Mira Rao: Yes. And you do the same, right? And the exact same thing, because you've lived it, you've walked through it, you've come out the other side. You've done it with me when I was like watching, when I was going through that journey and you were starting to really bring together your magic and your ideas and your clicks and things were falling.
And I was watching it. Like I was like. Relinde, I'm calling you Relinde, the magic [00:20:00] Relinde . Like I'm just feeling it. I'm what, like I was watching in your social media and the way you were, everything was just like, like the click and that's what you do now as well.
You can hold that vision. Cause you're like, I'm just sharing with you what I've lived and people can plug in and that's what they come for. They can plug into that. And I had that as well. I, and I'm sure you did too. I had other people who'd walked the path ahead of me and were there with different parts of it. My version of it is my version, holding that possibility. Sometimes actually I'll keep this. Sometimes it wasn't even a person. It was a book, which I'm going to just always plug this woman's book for the rest of my entire life.
Relinde: Because it's your resonant self, Sarah Peyton. Is that how you say it?
Mira Rao: Yeah. Yes.
Relinde: Okay. I haven't read it. What do you love about this book? Why should we read it?
Mira Rao: I've never read a book that so elegantly brings together a way of explaining how to be in your body, how to experience your body, what's happening on a brain science, neurobiological level, and how that [00:21:00] connects to The way that you use language, and then apply it so you can just, I did so much healing just by literally reading and following all the instructions of this book and doing all of her meditations.
I came out a different person. And just the elegance of it. It's the same freaking thing. She just transmits through this book because she did it. She wrote about it.
Relinde: And that is so profound. Oh my gosh. Okay. And you taught I'm seeing the resonant because you taught recently a workshop to my students, which was beautiful.
And you had this amazing meditation that was about resonance, right? wHat does that tool mean? This resonance.
Mira Rao: Yeah, so the concept and I haven't been reading up so much about it lately. So my knowledge might be a little bit rusty, but Sarah Payton comes from a little lineage of people interested in what's called relational neurobiology as a woman. Her teacher was a woman called Bonnie Badenoff, and there's a very well known scientist, Dan Siegel, and they talk [00:22:00] about relational neurobiology and resonance is this field of connection that's created between nervous systems and it gets felt by our bodies when we are deeply connected to someone through a limbic system, through our emotional experience, through our nervous system experience. So right now you and I are having it, right? It's like that sense of there's a bit of energy, there's a connection, the parts of my brain that are feeling like understood and I feel connected.
It's that and that is the experience that as humans we're supposed to have when we're raised as little babies. That's what being connected to our parents should feel like and to other adults. And that is how our brain develops healthily if we have that. So when we're little, we're having all these emotional experience with this little baby brain and we're having all these emotional experiences and we don't know how to process. It doesn't make sense. And the brain is still trying to form itself. And then you've got this [00:23:00] like beautifully integrated, healthy brain that goes, you make sense. You make sense. That's just anger. That's just, without words, even just the energy of it.
Let's our brain make sense of itself. Let's our brain learn to what Sarah calls hold itself. And I won't go into all the neurobiology of it, but that is the experience of resonance. And so when we use language to have empathy with another person, we're turning that whole system on, right? That system of limbic, which is the emotional system in the brain, it's called limbic resonance. Connection to each other through our emotions, through our nervous system. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing.
Relinde: And if we, so if as a child we miss that, so I think you explained that as well, like often that doesn't happen or it's stop crying or it's not as bad, right? That is the not resonance. So what happens? Why is that traumatic?
Mira Rao: Thank you for bringing me back to that because that's right. So the healing, it's traumatic because we get unaccompanied, we are left alone. So we don't have a sense of feeling connected. This is the little baby one, isn't [00:24:00] it? So this thing, I was talking with a client about this today, actually, like trauma and Gabo Marte says it as, trauma is not what happens to us.
It's what happens inside of us. And other theorists around trauma talk about how it's not the traumatic event itself. It's the fact that no one was there afterward. There was no safety for us to return to, to dock to, so there was no accompaniment. Even being, having the experience as a little baby brain of a big emotion.
So you're tiny, your body's tiny and emotions are big and you're alone with that. Maybe it's anger, maybe it's terror and nobody's there. This brain is not connecting properly. That's trauma. That leaves an imprint of dysregulation, disconnection into our brains, into our systems. So our brains don't develop as healthily. When we bring resonance as adults, this is the beauty of it. When we start to, we reteach our brains. So if [00:25:00] you think about that part as the limbic system, we were talking about the emotional part. This is prefrontal cortex, the kind of rational pointing.
Relinde: For those that are listening to this, to her thumb which is can you describe it?
Mira Rao: Thank you.
Relinde: I'm not watching this as a podcast.
Mira Rao: I always do that. I'm such an, one of my mentors laughs. She's Mira, of course you were going to become an embodiment coach. Everything I've done my whole life is through the body. And I forget when I'm on podcasts and I'm just like waggling my hands around and moving and dancing . For those who are just listening to this episode. I'm not able to see, there is an exercise called carrying the brain in the palm of your hand and you imagine that your wrist is your brainstem. Your thumb is what's called the limbic system. This is the alarm system or the emotional system and the rest of your fingers are your prefrontal cortex, and you can wrap those fingers around the thumb and in so doing, this is the healing process. You strengthen this capacity. This is building resonance within your own. body, your own brain. So you grow neural fibers in this direction. Inward from prefrontal [00:26:00] cortex to hold your limbic system. So in from those fingers to the thumb, and that is you giving yourself the experience of that resonant experience from the other brain that you never got to have.
Relinde: So the hands kind of mirrors another brain that communicates with your brain.
Mira Rao: The hand look is a map of the brain. Yes.
Relinde: Map of the brain. And that's going to actually teach your brain to heal, be more coherent, to be more.
Mira Rao: Yes. You do much more than just do this. This is just one tool, but that's a tool that represents the process.
And yes, you will heal, you will grow. You will literally grow a show in people who have come out of addiction and done these practices. You will grow gray matter in the prefrontal cortex. So you grow more intelligent. Moderating brain capacity to hold because a lot of people with trauma, the amygdala, that alarm system section of the brain is enlarged and it's too big.
And so to the amygdala, everything is now and everything [00:27:00] is wrong. So it's just going now, if we've got memories from the past that it doesn't realize it's in the past, it's just an eternal, now it's terrifying and I'm alone. That's what the amygdala is. Experiencing.
Relinde: This makes so much. I'm just nodding. I'm just like, Oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. And I'm linking it back in my brain , in my mind, myself, but also the work that I do with my clients. Now I see people going through and it's a lot of, it is not really, I need to make money now and I'm alone. There's panic around it. Not always, of course, because this goes up and down, but As an entrepreneur, there's moments like that, or there's moments like I just did a launch, and I thought I would get 10 people, but I only got two. And if then, if what I'm hearing, if then the dysregulated brain responds to that, I cannot put this in perspective. I cannot see that there's still a lot of opportunity or that I'm just going to learn from this and that I'm going to do the next launch different or anything like that is where we do not maybe go back into taking a job. If, in the worst, not the [00:28:00] worst, that's can be fine for someone, but in the way that it wouldn't lead to that successful business that you've been dreaming.
Mira Rao: Yeah. They'll do some reactive thing, right? They'll make a decision that comes from a reaction rather than reality.
Relinde: So when you discover how to regulate your nervous system, then what is different? Like why, how do we function this one as humans
Mira Rao: Yeah, so you just get that capacity to connect with that part of your, with the prefrontal cortex part of your brain. You get exactly what you just said. You get that capacity online and active to think things through, to reason, to feel okay with your emotions to let your emotions move through you as well. So Some people think that you're only emotionally dysregulated if you're displaying intense emotions. But another way of being emotionally dysregulated can be to suppress, right?
We know that some people suppress the emotions and dissociate and don't feel anything and don't connect with it. So instead of those, you're able to [00:29:00] actually do the very natural human thing of just letting emotions be energy that moves through the body, and then to actually Use that information intelligently.
Do I need to be scared of something or not? And to think it through. So you use both, you use the intelligence of the body. And, but the thing is the intelligence of the body is interfered with when the nervous system is dysregulated, right? It's that whole thing. We can't actually sense.
That's really what's going on. So when we learn to regulate, we do those two things. We learn to allow more capacity for our rational, I just don't love that word, but our regulated, our considerate, healthy, discerning mind to be present. And we also clear out the signals in the body that block us from feeling our true gut intuition, our true impulses about what's right for us or not right for us and all of that sort of stuff.
Relinde: Okay. This is really powerful. I feel like we can apply this to so many things. And we started talking about that, like PhD of [00:30:00] uncertainty. And what I'm hearing is. Uncertainty can trigger these trauma responses.
Mira Rao: Yes.
Relinde: In a way you could say, yeah, but uncertainty would always do that. Like, how is an uncertainty not going to do that if we know how to manage ourselves? Is that?
Mira Rao: Yeah. It's not that it's not going to do it necessarily. I so it's not that uncertainty won't activate the survival response in the body. It's just that because we're more regulated, we can understand the context of the uncertainty and we can do exactly what you said. Just be like, okay, this is normal. This is an uncertain context. It feels a bit weird, but it's not, I'm not dying.
I'm just Getting on camera and doing a live video. I'm not dying. I'm just, Oh, I made 500 less than I thought. So it's that capacity really, basically that it's that capacity to just go uncertainties and death, right? It's uncomfortable, but it's not death. Whereas our system in a dysregulated state [00:31:00] in a survival state, everything could be death.
And that's like you said, when you're, and you've seen it obviously with your clients, where they respond, you're like, Whoa, this response is So disproportionate to the situation and they cannot see it in that moment because that is the filter the nervous system will take over and state we say state creates story.
So the story they're seeing of the world is generated by the state of their nervous system. I'm in survival. That means I'm probably going to die. I have to fight. I have to do something I have to whatever, when we have the regulation, we just have that capacity to catch it, to, to feel the little tweak of Ooh, this is uncomfortable, but I'm all right.
And I can hold my nervous system in a little bit more nourishment and support from going into that intense reactive state where we're screaming at our kids or we're quitting the whatever, those reactive things we do.
Relinde: Yeah. Wow. Okay. When we started this before we started recording, [00:32:00] you asked me, how are you doing? And I was like, actually, I'm a little bit like, because in the opposite, and it's funny, because it also came up yesterday in my group is that so many things are going really well. I'm feeling in a dysregulated state almost of holding that. And I know sometimes in my life, and I don't know if you recognize this, I almost went to sabotaging things because it went too well.
So it speaks to me like, How is that then? Okay, actually, when it doesn't go well, we can still understand why is it hard for us to grow and to expand and to have so many good things come to us or make more money, get more clients, have more fun, find the right man, like whatever it is.
Mira Rao: The current theory I work with around that is that if we grew up, that wasn't the norm for us growing up, then it's still unfamiliar.
So we are still facing unfamiliarity, which again translates to the potential for uncertainty and the potential for threat from a nervous system perspective. And that was something, funnily enough, [00:33:00] I want to just, I'll come back and fully answer that in a minute. Healing and, you've worked a lot of money beliefs and money stories and sell an abundant stuff.
And I remember one of my mentors saying, she's Mira, there's no point in you doing it right now because your nervous system won't handle it. You won't be able to hold it and you'll sabotage it. You'll spend all the money. You'll do something to undermine it. Because there isn't that capacity.
So we're trying to build capacity in the nervous system for responding to life in a healthy way. And to be able to move through states of excitement, because goodness can also be excitement, which could be a bit of too much intensity for the body. So we want to be able to move through fluidly. So that's my guess. It's those two things if that makes sense.
Relinde: No, that makes sense. It's actually nice to frame that it is just. I don't know what this is. It is unfamiliar. So that can also be, the typical getting out of your comfort zone, which as again, we are trying to grow a business. You might [00:34:00] have to do things that you haven't done before, or there's, you're okay with selling, but you really don't like your face on video or on picture or something like that.
It's actually this. So all these things are the same pattern. Is it unfamiliar? I want to ask you more. One more thing, because we're getting to the end of this podcast, but one more thing that I really appreciate and you and that, I also think to recognize, I really appreciate is that in your whole journey of building this business, figuring out what it is, going through your own things and coming to the amazing place that you are right now, you have not been able to do something, anything that wasn't authentic. You really stand for what your values are, even at the moments that you felt, I don't know what it is maybe exactly yet, but this is not it. And I have to go my own pace, my own way.
I'm going to do my master's, I'm going to do these things. Can you speak a little bit about that? Because I really think that is very inspiring.
Mira Rao: Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I think it was this knowledge that taught me that, [00:35:00] and I've been really helping other people with that, because when we're suffering and life's not going so well, or we're trying to achieve goals and things, and it's not quite flowing, there's a lot of people ready to tell us how we should be doing it and what we should be thinking and what we should be feeling and pushing us around.
And I think. And what I learned is that from, if you've had trauma or you've had that dysregulated nervous system, you're actually in the state you're in because that happened to you because other people overpowered you or other people told you what was right for you. That's already that's actually why we are in that place.
And like I said earlier, there's nothing wrong with the actual person who's having the problem. All right. So there's nothing wrong. And so I think. In understanding that, I was very committed to never ever, almost, this sounds really strong, but this is the way that it's coming to me, I was committed to never ever committing violence on myself, or anyone [00:36:00] else, by anything that had anything, any sniff of coercion away from me understanding my own agency, what was really right for me.
And I think that's how it happened. It was like in my healing, I learned how to do that. And then it was like that's how I'm going to be. That's how I have to live life. And if I'm going to help other people, then I have to do it that way and model that it's possible. I think that's it. And then it, and then, it was fricking hard because it was slow.
And people don't like slow, people want fast, but I knew I'd tried fast before I'd gone for the flashy thing and fallen down again. My nervous system can't hold it, whatever it is. So I saw that truly grounded change came when I was able to constantly come back to myself, constantly come back to my nervous system, check, figure things out.
And Know that I could hundred percent stand behind anything that I ever said about what I would done or what I was [00:37:00] doing. And that was just, part of my answer to your question also is I don't know. It's just who I am and for some reason it's how I had to be.
Relinde: No, I think it's just an important one and you said really some important things is like to keep checking in and also when you said there's nothing wrong with the person it is about. I can take my signals. Seriously, but my nervous system is regulated because of something really doesn't feel right I'm not going to do it and I just believe, also right now with the a whole, just anybody who does like thought leader, a personal brand, a business, it's going to only work if you do this in the long term, because if some kind you can, I've seen people go from monetary really fast and then somewhere crashing into doesn't have to, but it can.
I've seen people, because if you overwrite something and which actually I'm thinking now is coming from a trauma response. It's from, you know what? I'm not good enough. So I'm going to really go hard and do it as I think it [00:38:00] should. And I'm going to go for the fast growth because if I grow slow or if I grow in this town, like whatever, if I make so much, it's not good enough.
But when we actually take that business journey as Okay, I can keep reconnecting to me, then it's a very beautiful, authentic way that right now we can actually impact a lot of people without having to override what you say, you said it beautifully without having to have any violence that how you said it.
Mira Rao: Yeah. Commit violence on themselves. Yeah. Yeah.
Relinde: Mira, I've enjoyed this conversation so much. So beautiful. So many gems in here. Is there anything before we wrap this up that you wanted to say or share that hasn't been said yet?
Mira Rao: You're wonderful at this Relinde. So thank you for asking beautiful questions, engaging so thoughtfully with everything and helping me, it's just it's such a gift.
I can then get passionate and articulate the things that live inside me. So it's just been an honor to share with you and receive your interest and passion. It's really beautiful. [00:39:00] And I think, I can't remember if it was the same thing I shared last time you and I had a chat. It's coming to me a lot.
I think we are both in a position now, having done that, that slow hard journey of offering. I like to just offer really gentle encouragement to people that keep going. It's possible, hold it lightly and keep going.
Relinde: Wow. And that being said, also like for people that listen to this, I would love to know more about this, healing from trauma and the nervous system. You didn't mention it, but I'm going to mention like the polyvagal theory that you work with, all these beautiful embodiment systems, where can they find you? How can we reach out to you? Let me know.
Mira Rao: I don't know where Relinda will put the podcast, but you can find me, Google my name, Mira Rao on Facebook, Instagram.
I have a website as well. I'll give Relinde all the links and yeah, I, like I use socials for work, so you can just DM me and chat to me and ask me any questions.
Relinde: Yeah, beautiful. Okay, I'll make sure that when we have this in the podcast page in the show [00:40:00] notes, there will be links to every to your social media and your website.
And I would really say go connect with me or she is amazing and she has amazing things to offer so Mira Thank you so so much again. It was the most amazing thing.