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In today's episode, we interview Zachary Garza Sr., Founder and Executive Director of Forerunner Mentoring. We hope his story shows you the power of being a mentor.
Show Notes
Episode: 3
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WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
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MEET THE TEAM
Zachary Garza Sr. Writer/Interviewer
Daniel De Jesús Host/Interviewer
Caroline Cash Host/Interviewer
Stephen Murray Producer/Editor
Daniel De Jesús Host/Interviewer
Caroline Cash Host/Interviewer
Stephen Murray Producer/Editor
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SHOW NOTES
WFAA Special: Forerunner Mentoring (youtube)
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others you can mentor.
Speaker 2:Well, hey, everyone. My name is Daniel. And today, I am thrilled to be joined by our awesome cohosts, miss Caroline, Cash, Stephen Murray, and our guest, Zach Garza, founder and executive director of 4 Runner Mentoring Program. How's everybody doing?
Speaker 3:Hey, Daniel.
Speaker 1:Great. Awesome.
Speaker 4:It's good
Speaker 3:to be here.
Speaker 2:Good. So glad that you guys are joining us today for the program. Today on You Can Mentor, we are really excited for the chance to be able to dig into more of Zach's story. One of the things that we're always looking to explore on this program are the specific mentor relationships that God uses to change the trajectory of our lives of the people that we meet. And so what better story to kick us off but none other than our friend, mister Zachary Garza senior.
Speaker 2:Senior. Yes. That's right. Don't forget it. Don't forget it.
Speaker 2:Yes. Respect. Yes. So, Zach, we are, so grateful. Thank you for taking the time to share a little bit of your story with us today.
Speaker 2:We are, we're just we're pumped to hear from you.
Speaker 3:Well, thanks, Daniel. I'm super pumped to be here.
Speaker 2:Welcome, man. You're welcome.
Speaker 4:Well, so, let's, let's just kinda kick things off with just kinda getting a
Speaker 2:little bit of your your background.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Tell us where you came from.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, I was born and raised in Richardson, Texas, which is a suburb of, the great city of Dallas. I, I am the middle child, so, I have kind of a complicated family tree. Both my parents were previously married, and so whenever I came into the picture, I had an older half brother on my dad's side and an older half brother on my mom's side. And so, now in my life, I've got 2 more half brothers who are on my dad's side again.
Speaker 3:So the full range of the spectrum goes from 18 years old to 50 years old and I'm smack dab in the middle. So my dad was a firefighter. He's a man's man. My mom's a teacher And so whenever we were growing up, we kinda had the picture perfect family from the outside looking in. So we did church every Sunday, every Wednesday night, every Sunday night, and we did our best to really make it seem like everything was okay.
Speaker 1:When were some of the times when you began to see things change in your family? So you said that it looked picture perfect from the outside, but clearly, when did that kinda change?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, that's a good question, Caroline. Honestly, I have a traumatic block in, in my mind from my childhood. And so, I've done some, counseling and things like that. And, whenever the brain becomes over overloaded with, stress or traumatic circumstances.
Speaker 3:It has a way of blocking out things to kind of protect, to protect a person's heart, to protect a person's brain. I do remember, my childhood was filled with lots of, lots of shouting and, I just I can describe the feeling of, man, things aren't going well here. So
Speaker 1:So what were some of the the main hurts, main frustrations, main pains that may have caused that that block in those things that you don't remember?
Speaker 3:So the first thing that comes to mind is my parents, split up whenever I was 13, and so my house wasn't a safe place. There was multiple forms of abuse there, and although I never experienced it firsthand, several members of my my family did. And then just kind of everything stems from that, right? My dad was truly trying to do the best job that he could as a husband and as a father but, but things, you know, things ended up not going as planned and because of that, that just had an effect on every area of my life. It had an effect on my mom, it had an effect on how she viewed herself, how she viewed family, it allowed the enemy to get a foothold in on guilt and shame and condemnation.
Speaker 3:For me, I was lost, I was confused, I was hurt, I didn't understand it. It was almost like my my whole life got flipped upside down in in a span of of a week. Yeah. I mean, we went from being this family, family of 4 to it just being me and my mom overnight. And that was really hard for me.
Speaker 3:I think while I was going through it, I couldn't articulate the impact that it had on me. I couldn't tell you how it changed me, but I can look back now and just see how difficult that was on me. So, I mean, just so many things that come from that, just how we were viewed by society, how we were viewed by our church, just how I saw myself, how I saw myself as a man and, how I, I was kinda on my own. I mean, my dad has done the best job that he could, at being a father. I mean, he has his own hurts.
Speaker 3:Right? He has his own past, that affect who he is today. And honestly, from 13 to really 18, I got passed back and forth to my mom, to my dad, back to my mom on a consistent basis just because I was such a handful. I was acting out because I was angry. I was hurt.
Speaker 3:I didn't forgive. I was bitter and I couldn't express any of that. Right? Like, I couldn't articulate those feelings. I couldn't tell my mom.
Speaker 3:I couldn't tell my dad, hey, I'm hurt and this is why. I was just left to deal with all that stuff on my own. And so my dad did teach me how to drive, and then, I had other men in my life kinda teach me different things. I can remember going to an 8th grade dance and I didn't know how to tie a tie and my mom didn't either. So I had to go over to my friend's house and ask his dad how to tie a tie.
Speaker 3:And there there was shame attached to that. I didn't know how to shave until I was 25. I mean, I kind of figured it out, right, but I did never have anyone teach me how to do it right. And so I understand that that seems simple, right, but that's just one of the many things that I didn't know how to do. I didn't know how to shake a hand and make eye contact.
Speaker 3:I didn't know how to ask questions. I didn't have self confidence. I didn't know that I was smart until I was in my late twenties. I can vividly remember being terrified of not being accepted. I, would constantly text my friends and, actually it wasn't even text, I actually sent them a page.
Speaker 3:Right? Do you guys remember pagers?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:I would page
Speaker 4:No, I don't.
Speaker 3:I would page my friends, and if they wouldn't get back to me within 3 to 5 minutes, I would page them again with 911 and if they wouldn't get back to me again, I would page them with 911, 911 because I was so terrified that they would be doing something without me because I was so scared to not be wanted, to not have a place. Right? I didn't process this with anyone. I didn't cry from 13 until I was 20. I suppressed everything because as a man, you don't talk about your feelings, you don't talk about your hurt.
Speaker 3:I didn't even know what was going on. I didn't even know that I was angry. I didn't know that I was scared. It was just me and I was left to deal with all of the stuff on my own because I didn't feel like I mattered. I didn't feel like anyone cared.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. I didn't have anyone ask me about it. Right.
Speaker 2:And You know what's so interesting is hearing you say that as a man or or because you were a man, you didn't feel like you could express your feelings. Yeah. But not having a whole lot of male influence, like, who told you that that's what men that that's what men didn't do? You know what I mean? Like and so it makes me think of just how society sort of informs Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Our our beliefs about who we are as men. Yeah. You know, especially if we don't have a man there to guide us.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And, I mean, I'm I'm gonna be honest. It's it's sounds silly, but I learned how to be a man from watching movies and listening to Yeah. Certain artists.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Me too.
Speaker 3:I mean, I I became obsessed with movies, and as I look back now, I think it's because they were always there for me. If I didn't have anything to do, I'd just pop in a movie. And that's where I that's where I learned a ton. But as I as I try to go back into my heart and view Zach the 13 year old, I just see an insecure boy who was terrified, and who was isolated and alone, and who felt like he didn't have a spot in this world and who felt like he didn't matter because there wasn't anyone there telling me those things. Right?
Speaker 3:And there wasn't anyone there who was making time for me. And, I mean, I wanna honor my mom and my dad. They did the best job that they could. But, man, that is just how I felt.
Speaker 1:Was there anyone else kind of in your circle that had gone through something similar to you?
Speaker 3:My best friend Kip, and I went through this at the same time. Kip's dad, wasn't able to be there for him and his family. It was pretty close after my dad left. I mean, I'm talking within weeks.
Speaker 2:Woah.
Speaker 3:And me and Kip were tied to the hip
Speaker 2:Yeah. All throughout. Is that something that you guys said a lot or did you just say that
Speaker 4:now because
Speaker 2:it rhymes
Speaker 3:and it sounds
Speaker 4:because you're a rapper now.
Speaker 3:I am a rapper.
Speaker 1:You didn't know.
Speaker 3:No. But Me and Kip
Speaker 2:tied to the hip.
Speaker 3:Me and Kip were inseparable. And I think even though we never talked about it, I shouldn't say that. We we we would talk about it in weird ways. Right? Like we would complain about it or we would talk about how, just the different things that were going on with our dad and it was almost in code we we would just discuss how our lives were completely changing.
Speaker 3:But I I remember not long after our dads left me and Kip, Kip had a older brother who played defensive end for for navy complete stud, 6 foot 6, £240 of just solid muscle. And he comes in one day and he's like, guys, we're gonna go get tattoos tonight and we're going to get tattoos of a Chinese symbol that says promise because we're promising right now that we're never going to take off on our wives.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:And so, me and Kip have Chinese. Chinese symbols, on our bodies. That is a promise that we're never gonna take off on our wives. And so Woah.
Speaker 2:How old were you?
Speaker 3:I couldn't have been more than 16.
Speaker 1:Nice.
Speaker 2:I
Speaker 3:know. But, that right there shows you how much it took a toll on us. The fact that we were willing to go get tattoos, And even though we never talked about it, even though we couldn't counsel each other or care for, we always knew that it was there. It was like this elephant, right, that's standing in the middle of our room that no one would talk about.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:So Wow. Yeah. So I have a Chinese symbol tattoo on my hip and
Speaker 2:I was gonna ask where, but when you said body, so I was like, maybe I shouldn't ask you where it is.
Speaker 3:People make fun of it all the time. That's
Speaker 4:right. Like you said.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Wow. Superman. Did Kib
Speaker 4:get one on his hip too? So
Speaker 3:No. I think Kib got his on, like, his back or his arm or something. Okay. Cool. Much more manly.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 4:Nice. Nice. It's crazy to me, like, the season you're living in in pager land, like, which I'm was still trying to wrap my head around that. I know 2 of you in the room probably experienced that. But it's like even with, I guess, the lack of technology, you still attach yourself to movies.
Speaker 4:Like, movies were always there for me. And it's like the generation we live in now, I mean, if the dad's in the home, they're fighting for the attention of their kid from the television, from the iPad and all those things. Who has fought for your attention, gotten into your space and been a father figure, been a mentor, engaged you, and and became came into that space where movies had always been?
Speaker 3:I feel so fortunate that I've had multiple men in my life who have fought for me. And the first one was, this guy named Bob. And Bob was a professor at, my college and I had the opportunity to work for him. I worked, for him running teenage summer camps. And, and Bob was the first man in my life who ever, really made made a point to spend time with me and I felt like Bob never tried to fix me.
Speaker 3:That was my favorite thing about Bob was that he didn't come with an agenda. He didn't say, hey, you need to get your act together. You need to do better in school. You need to do this and this and this. No.
Speaker 3:Bob Bob just wanted to be with me. The lord ultimately used Bob to open my eyes to, the pain and the hurt that my upbringing caused me. So I, I can remember, Bob invited me to go to a Bible study and I didn't want anything to do with a Bible study. I didn't want anything to do with church because I thought church people were fake and that they were all talk. Whenever me and my mom were going through a hard time, I felt like the church didn't show up for us and that hurt.
Speaker 3:There were a couple of men who did. You know, I I distinctly remember a guy from our church who I didn't really even like very much. I, I remember watching him pull up to my house and hand my mom an envelope and leave. And in that envelope was, 1,000 upon 1,000 of dollars that paid for my older brother's college tuition. I mean, I I remember my, remember one of my best friends, his name was, name was Jason.
Speaker 3:The week after my dad left, I was standing on lunch line and I was about to pay for my lunch and Jason came up out of nowhere and he paid for my lunch. And I just knew that his parents had told him to do that. So Bob invites me to go to this bible study. And I didn't want anything to do with church, but I went because, because I just wanted to be with Bob. I was like a lost puppy.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, just falling around the first person who gave him attention. That's kinda how I was with Bob. So when Bob told me to go to something, I went. And we went to this bible study and Bob starts talking about the father heart of God.
Speaker 3:And he starts saying, you know, God put fathers here on earth to be an example of who he is. For some people, that's a good thing, you know. Their father's consistent and kind and present and so is God. But for some people here in this room, it's not a good thing. And I just want you to know that God is not like your father here on earth.
Speaker 3:And when Bob said that, the Lord did something in my heart. The Holy Spirit began to move and for the first time since I was 13, I started crying. And when I started to cry, I couldn't stop. It was like all this pain and emotion and hurt that I've been suppressing for so many years was just coming up. And I get embarrassed.
Speaker 3:Right? And I leave the bible study and Bob sees me leave. And I'm, walking out the door and Bob follows after me and he chases me down and he grabs me by the back of the neck and he just pulls me in for a hug. And it was the first time that someone had hugged me in a long long time. And I just wept in his arms.
Speaker 3:And I just remember Bob speaking truth over me saying, Zach, I love you and I'm here for you. And he said this one thing, he said, but you've got to deal with this pain, this hurt from your childhood because it's killing you. And that changed everything. I felt like I was on the road to kinda becoming just like my dad, just like my granddad, and just like my great great granddad. And the Lord used Bob's relationship to put me on this path of life.
Speaker 3:And although my actions didn't change for a long time, I believe that the Lord used my relationship with Bob, Bob's intentionality to completely transform my life. After, after that, Bob actually got me a job working for a church in San Antonio. And it was there that I was introduced to, to a older man named Dan. And Dan just continued to love me for me. And he introduced me to a guy named Joel.
Speaker 3:Joel taught me how to be a cool guy who still follows after Jesus. Introduced me to a guy named Randy. And Randy was a man's man. And he was married and I learned so much just by watching Randy love his wife well. After that, I come on down to get a job in Dallas, Texas, and the Lord introduces me to to a man named Paul.
Speaker 3:And, I mean, Paul taught me how to pick out the perfect kind of shaving cream. Right? Paul introduced me to a man who would change my life. That guy's name was Alex. Alex sat me down for 6 Wednesdays.
Speaker 3:And he said, hey, Zach, I see pride in you. Let's talk about that. Hey, Zach, I see hurt in you. I see unforgiveness in you. Let's talk about where that came from.
Speaker 3:And then, what the lord started with Bob and what all these other men, you know, did after Bob. He finished with this man named Steve. And Steve is, without a doubt, the most important person in my life. That's not named Sarah. Steve is, without a doubt, the most important man in my life.
Speaker 3:And there's no way that I'd be here without Steve.
Speaker 1:Did you find that it was easier for you to, trust or open up or, really heal, like, more quickly when, you know, what started with Bob, like, was there's there had to be trust built there, and there had to be trust built with every single one of these men. Have you in your life seen yourself soften to the idea of having someone, you know, kinda come into that space, of like a father or as a mentor?
Speaker 3:Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. I had a wall built up around my heart that was pretty high.
Speaker 3:And starting with Bob, the lord used men to slowly but surely tear down that wall. And now, I mean, there's no way that I would be sitting here on a podcast talking about my past and my hurts whenever I was 18 or whenever I was 25 or whenever I was 30. But because the lord has shown me the benefits of coming underneath a father's covering, of submitting to authority, of getting what's in the darkness out into the light. It's almost like now I can't get enough of it. Right?
Speaker 3:So what was once the hardest thing in the whole world for for me has become one of the things that has been the best, best thing in the world for me.
Speaker 4:So so yeah. I love the themes of what Bob introduced into your life. It was like invitation, intentionality, and then kind of introductions where he's placing these other men in your life to teach you specific things. Yeah. And then ultimately we get to Steve, who you say besides Sarah, which, I mean, that's like a big deal to say this guy is the main guy in my life.
Speaker 4:Like, so what what are the things that you've learned from Steve? What what does that that relationship look like?
Speaker 3:Steve is, the most godly man I know, and I've learned so much from him. I've learned how to follow Jesus from him. I've learned how to get up whenever I fall back down. I've learned how to be a husband and a father. I've learned how to see myself, how the lord sees me.
Speaker 3:I've learned how to forgive and be faithful and be humble. There isn't any area of my life in which Steve Allen doesn't have a tremendous impact.
Speaker 2:One of the things that we've heard you talk about before just in your line of work is the importance of, attention, affirmation, and acceptance. And so we would love to hear from you even, like, some specific ways that Steve has given you attention and how he's helped to affirm who you are. And and you kinda touched on it earlier just even in how Bob didn't try to change you. Right? He he fully accepted you for who you are.
Speaker 2:But what was it about the way that Steve accepted you that, that was maybe most trans transformative in your life?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So Steve, Steve just doesn't quit. I mean, he he doesn't, he doesn't give up and, I mean he texts me on a consistent basis and he calls me and he never makes me feel like I bother him. He always makes me feel like he's accessible. He gives me permission to really enter in his life.
Speaker 3:And he entered into my world. Right? Like, he remembers my past and he remembers birthdays and he remembers important things that are going on in my life and he just asked me about them. You know, he asked me, hey Zach, what are you reading? What are you watching?
Speaker 3:And it isn't like he's trying to judge me, it isn't like he's trying to, you know, condemn me. He just wants to know how I'm growing. He wants to know what am I filling my mind up with. He invited me into his world. Right?
Speaker 3:I mean, Steve Allen has never done anything super out of this world extraordinary with me. He's just invited me over to his house for dinner. He just hey, Zach. I have to go I have to go on this errand. Why don't you go with me?
Speaker 3:Hey, Zach, I'm on my way to a meeting and I've got 6 minutes. How's life? He asked good questions. He pursues me, right? I mean who doesn't like to feel pursued?
Speaker 3:Who doesn't like to feel, like they matter, right? He affirms me by speaking value over me. He every time I every time I call him he answers the same way, man of God. And he calls me a man of god every time that I talk to him. And at first I thought it was silly and after that I started to make fun of him for it.
Speaker 3:But now I realize how tremendously impactful that is Because every time I call Steve, if I ever need a reminder, just call him because he's gonna tell me exactly who I am. I'm a man of God. I'm a world changer. I'm a history maker. Whether that's changing the entire world or changing the world for 1 kid.
Speaker 3:I am a world changer in my son's life. I am a history maker in my wife's life, and Steve speaks that over me.
Speaker 2:I love that because what you're saying is that it was really just his words and his time and his intentionality that really probably made the biggest impact.
Speaker 3:Well, and and it's so weird. I mean, he says things that I'm like, that's ridiculous. Like, I mean, he he's like, hey, Zach. Whenever you become worldwide with 4 Runner. Hey, Zach.
Speaker 3:Whenever you have a 1000 kids that you're mentoring, wouldn't it be cool if this happened? And I'm like, Steve thinks we're gonna mentor a 1000 kids? Steve thinks we're gonna be worldwide? Well, if he thinks that then maybe maybe I can. Hey, Zach.
Speaker 3:Wouldn't it be cool if whenever your daughter gets married this happens? Like, dude, my daughter is 5 days old, right, but he's helping me create a vision for who they can become. He's helping me cultivate the possibility that every person that I spend time with can be changed in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 1:If Steve were to be in this room today and you were to look at him in the eyes and just kinda do what he's done for you, speak life and truth to him, what would you tell him?
Speaker 3:When I think of Jesus, I think of Steve. You know, he has given me an example to follow when it comes to being a man, when it comes to being a husband, being a father, being a leader. I tell them thank you for believing in me whenever I didn't believe in myself. I'd say thank you for always being there for me no matter what. Thank you for showing up.
Speaker 3:Thank you for loving your wife well and for loving your kids well and for giving me a road map on how to succeed in this thing called life. I think that's what I tell him.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Steve, you hear that? That's amazing.
Speaker 4:Your love, Steve. You're amazing.
Speaker 3:It is it is so cool. Stephen Murray here on our podcast, he had a phone call with Steve last week, and he came into my office and said, I can tell that Steve's your spiritual father by talking to him for 5 minutes. Right?
Speaker 4:It shows. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So if you were sitting down with a man or a woman who was thinking about investing in the life of a child, especially a kid from a hard place, what advice would you give them? What what's something practical that, you would share with them that you feel would make the greatest impact as they begin their journey?
Speaker 3:I think understanding that you don't have to be Superman to be a good mentor. The enemy's going to tell you everything that you don't have and he's gonna do everything he can to stop you building a relationship with this kid because he knows that relationships change lives. I would tell them to don't quit, just don't quit. Show up every time and when you mess up, apologize and when you miss a meeting or when you don't show up, apologize. Let them see you as a human being who makes mistakes.
Speaker 3:I would say be intentional. If you've got 5 minutes, leave them a voice mail. If you've got one minute, send them a text. Showing up to their basketball game for 5 minutes is better than not showing up at all. And then be intentional with your words.
Speaker 3:You can talk about the news. You can talk about sports. You can talk about clothes. And there's nothing wrong with that. But make sure you speak life over them.
Speaker 3:Make sure you tell them who they are and who they're not, and make sure you always tell them whose they are. You're a son of the most high king. You're a daughter of the lord god almighty, and you have worth and you have value. And I'm proud of you, and I love you.
Speaker 2:Thank you all so much for joining us today on You Can Mentor. We really appreciate you listening. So, Zach, if anyone wants to connect with you to just, maybe follow more of your story or more of what you do, how can they connect with you?
Speaker 3:I'd say the best way to connect with me is to visit our website at www.4runner mentoring.com, and you can find my contact information there.
Speaker 2:Awesome. Thanks. Alright. Well, we will be sure to put Zach's info as well as other practicals from this episode in our show notes, so be sure to check those out.
Speaker 4:Yes. And subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Yes. We'd love for you to leave us a review. Maybe you could copy this link and page it to somebody.
Speaker 4:911, page that thing out. And if they don't respond, just keep paging 911.
Speaker 2:We've really dated ourselves with this episode, didn't we?
Speaker 4:I loved when he was talking about pagers. I mean, I had a season where I had a a flip phone and, like, pagers is the next step for me. So
Speaker 2:Yes. I love how watching Caroline's reaction because she was just looking at us like, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 4:Oh, so good. Thanks for listening, guys.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And, hey, guys. If there is one thing that you heard in this episode, we hope it's this. You can mentor.