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What comes to mind when you think about your father? Is it joy, pain, or indifference? Whatever it is, it can reveal deeper wounds that still affect you today. In this journey of healing, Zach Garza invites you to explore topics like generational sin, emotional scars, and the transformative power of forgiveness through the lens of his own story of growing up without a father in the home. By confronting the past, you'll discover how to break free, embrace your true identity, and experience the unconditional love of God.
Chapter four, the warm up. I took a group of high school students to Colorado one summer to give them a week they would never forget. We planned a lot of fun things to do on this trip, but the highlight of the week was going to climb a 14,000 foot mountain. I called my buddy who is an experienced climber and asked him for advice on how to best prepare. Exercise daily the month before we get to the mountain.
Speaker 1:Drink a ton of water. Wear hiking boots with double socks. I relayed his advice to my students and drilled this into their heads endlessly. Everyone listened and acted accordingly, but me. And that's why when everyone else was on the top of the mountain taking pictures and hugging each other, I was sitting on a rock halfway up the mountain with a splitting headache and a blister the size of a quarter on my heel.
Speaker 1:In order to finish the journey, you must prepare yourself for what's to come or you may get sidelined. The better you prepare, the better odds you have of finishing the journey and getting to where you want to go. Colleges have a welcome week to get incoming freshmen adjusted to college life. Athletes have training camps to get them ready for the season, and the military readies new soldiers with boot camp. Anyone who has ever embarked on an unknown journey knows the importance of preparation.
Speaker 1:As I went about healing my father wound, I found six things that helped me on the journey. Number one, the Lord is my shepherd. We all need a guide on this path. My goal is that this book helps steer you on this journey. I also hope the experiences of others can encourage you as progress is made, but no one will be able to guide you on this journey like the Lord.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in John's gospel which says, I am the good shepherd. I know my sheep, and my sheep know me. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. I need a good shepherd to lead me and tell me what to do and when to do it. I need his leadership to guide me.
Speaker 1:Intimacy can grow when we allow ourselves to depend on the Lord every moment of every day. I was so tired of my past rearing its ugly head on a consistent basis. It was exhausting dealing with the same issues over and over again. Jesus is asking us to come to Him, all who are tired and weary, and He will give us rest. He is asking us to depend on Him, not on our own strength, to give us what we need to start the journey.
Speaker 1:This goes against all the wisdom of the world, which says to us, you need to figure it out. You need to be strong and deal with it. It's all on you. For me, healing my past and restoring my relationship with my father was the catalyst that led me to a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord. The journey I went on, although long and difficult, created a foundation of faithfulness that helped me grow my faith and feel a part of His family.
Speaker 1:My prayer is that God the Father is near to you during this process. That Jesus the Good Shepherd leads you and speaks to you in a way that you can understand Him. That the Helper, the Holy Spirit, comforts and supports you. God wants your freedom, and He is ready to join you on this journey, but you have to invite Him. The Lord is a gentleman, He will never enter a place unless invited first.
Speaker 1:When you feel like you are running on empty, he has everything you need to fill your tank up again. How might you let God shepherd you? Become like a sheep. In other words, become simple, flexible, and situate yourself under his care. Stop trying to have all the answers and figure it out.
Speaker 1:Simply graze in his pastures. And as you do, being shepherded by Jesus will be as natural as breathing. Number two, know what to expect. Have you ever traded arm punches with an eight year old kid with an unusually powerful punch? What about trying mild salsa that isn't so mild?
Speaker 1:Ever been jolted by a crazy serious substitute spin instructor at your gym's beginner bike class? Few things will catch you off guard, like difficulty or pain, when you are expecting ease. I'm just going to come out and say it. This isn't going to be an easy journey. It took you a while to get where you find yourself today, and it's gonna take a minute to get where you want to be.
Speaker 1:I'm going to share with you some issues that I faced that I didn't necessarily see coming in an effort to better prepare you for the journey. I didn't expect people to have such a hard time relating to what I was going through. Often when discussing issues with my dad, it was as if I was speaking a foreign language that they simply couldn't or didn't really want to understand. There were times when I spoke of my struggle, and I was met with confusion and awkwardness. The phrases maybe you should just get over it and enough is enough.
Speaker 1:We all have hard things that happen were spoken to me on more than one occasion. I often felt alone in the process. I also didn't expect the hurt to be so deep. Once I clued into the impact my broken relationship with my father had on me, I began to see it everywhere. My identity was compromised, and I saw life through this unhealthy lens.
Speaker 1:I still say to myself, I know my past impacted me, but does it really impact me that much? I have found the answer to be a resounding yes. Lastly, I didn't expect how much good can come out of the process. God really proved throughout this journey that he is a good father who has many good things in store for us. What the enemy meant to break me, the Lord used to build me.
Speaker 1:The harder the process, the greater the reward. Is it hard? Yes. Would I voluntarily sign anyone up for what I went through? Not in a million years.
Speaker 1:But God has proved himself faithful to be the healer and father that he says he is. I never would have guessed I'd be married with children and walking in freedom while I do the Lord's work, but all of this came out of processing my past. The reason I bring this up, as you do a deep dive into your past, I want your expectations to be on point. This is not a light self help book, but a scalpel for emotional surgery. And yes, it will hurt at times.
Speaker 1:But better to expect an embrace than to fail to plan and get stuck halfway up the mountain. Number three, find your team. If I need to get in shape, I call a trainer. If my tooth hurts, I get in touch with a dentist. The sink is leaking, I find a plumber.
Speaker 1:Facing your past and seeking healing isn't for the faint of heart. You're going to need to surround yourself with a team of experienced, loving people who could support you throughout this process. Does this mean that just anyone and everyone can be on your emotional support team? Let me answer that with a question. Would you call a plumber for a tooth pain?
Speaker 1:It's important to identify those who are qualified to properly mentor, shepherd and care for you along the way. There is no way that I could continue to walk in freedom without the help of my friends, mentors, counselors, and pastors. They have been the ones to ask me the hard questions and to listen to me verbally process my feelings. No two mentors are the same, nor can one mentor help you with all of your issues. Each mentor is unique and has played a specific role in helping me grow in a specific area.
Speaker 1:Some mentors lasted for six weeks, while others have lasted for years. All have been so kind and patient with me, as I continually dispel the lies of the enemy and strive to see myself as a son who is worthy of love. If you are buried, looping your spouse into the journey is a wise move. It is also good to have a friend or mentor around whom you can link arms with and who can fill you up when you're feeling drained. Mature pastors who are full of care and compassion can spur you along as well as support groups or church communities.
Speaker 1:If I need to deal with emotional pain, a licensed counselor may help me come to a solution. If you know a good counselor or therapist, it is rarely a bad idea to surround yourself with a trained, experienced professional who has the gift of compassion and care. Just like climbing a mountain alone is a bad idea, the journey will be remarkably more difficult if you try to go at it by yourself. I know it is a little intimidating to let other people in on your journey, but rarely have I met someone who doesn't want to help someone heal and experience freedom. Your vulnerability and courage will be attractive and may even spur your friends or your group on to deal with their own past and issues.
Speaker 1:Rarely does God set you on a healing journey without letting the ripple effects impact others. So what does this look like practically? First, identify and write out who might be on your team. You want these people to be mature, professional, and perhaps most importantly, objective. An immature buddy might be fun to watch a football game with, but will he stand back and objectively ask the hard questions while you open up about your past?
Speaker 1:From there, identify the level of involvement that all parties might have in your journey. For a coed small group, they might just offer general prayer. Then you might have a friend who you check-in with once a month or so. Beyond that, you may have a pastor or counselor with whom you're meeting weekly with full transparency and open sharing. I understand that every path is different, schedules vary, and yours might not be this formal.
Speaker 1:Regardless, finding your team is a non negotiable as you move ahead. Number four, God's timing over our timing. Have you ever tried to get serious about your health? It's not as easy as it sounds. Being healthy isn't something you do once and never do again.
Speaker 1:It is something you have to focus on each and every day. At first, it's hard to eat right and exercise, but after a while, it becomes second nature. Seeing progress just makes you want to double down on your efforts. The father wound is similar in that healing takes time. There's no pill you take or magic wand you can wave to instantly overcome it.
Speaker 1:Like efforts towards health, it can be difficult at first to rewire our thinking and live with a new perspective, but over time it too becomes second nature. For me, the process of overcoming my father wound took years of hard work and introspection. Years. That's a long time. Are there still days where I forget who I am and fall back into my old ways of thinking?
Speaker 1:Of course. But those days are few and far between. For most, the father wound is not something you totally get over, meaning old patterns of thought might try to creep back or forgiven offenses might reappear. The difference is that now you are equipped to quickly release those things and get back to center. Think of it like this.
Speaker 1:You might pursue a journey of health that takes time. You eventually come to a point, months or years later, where you are a verifiably healthy person. It's your lifestyle now. Does this mean you will never be tempted with laziness? Does it mean you will never again binge eat a sleeve of Oreos?
Speaker 1:Not necessarily. It does mean that these patterns are not your norm, and if they reappear you know how to quickly get back on track. When I first sought healing, I became impatient and frustrated because I couldn't see what the Lord was doing. Looking back, I can see that every part of the journey had a specific purpose. Each step helped me overcome my pain and become someone who looked more and more like Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:We're on God's schedule, and there's a reason for that. I encourage you to let the process take its time while you trust that his timing is better than ours. Some aspects might seem slow while others might seem expedient. Ultimately, God is the master of this process, and we are on his schedule, not ours. It is easy to want to take matters into your own hands and try to fast track the healing process.
Speaker 1:You've dealt with this long enough, and you want your freedom. Unfortunately, that's not always how God works. He's more concerned about the process than the outcome. It has been said that the man who loves the journey will walk further than the man who loves the destination. Learn to embrace the walk.
Speaker 1:While God wants you to be free, He also wants to use this time to make you look more like Him. Patience is needed, along with endurance, perseverance, and hope. All of these things are from the Lord. God is bigger than time. He is not on anyone's schedule but His own, and time is nothing to Him.
Speaker 1:His ultimate concern is not with the speed by which you receive your freedom, but with ensuring that the process is maximized to your ultimate benefit. How long will your restoration take? As long as it needs to. James, the half brother of Jesus, wrote, consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Speaker 1:When we constantly watch the clock and fail to let perseverance finish its work, we shortcut God's process. As a result, instead of being mature, complete, and lacking nothing, we are immature, incomplete, and lack much. Number five. Prayer matters. Prayer was always hard for me for several reasons.
Speaker 1:My thoughts would spiral during prayer. Is God even listening to me? Am I doing this right? What if my heart and my words don't line up? When I embarked on my journey to deal with my father wound, I still had hate in my heart towards my dad and found it difficult to want good things for him.
Speaker 1:After all, he has caused me so much pain and heartache. I confessed this to one of my friends, and he asked, do you pray for your father? Do you pray for your heart to change towards him? Honestly, that thought had never crossed my mind before. Then my friend told me about this verse.
Speaker 1:Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. He encouraged me to start praying for God to bless my father and for my heart to turn from hating him to having compassion on him. I took him up on this offer. I wish I could say that all of the sudden, I loved my father and wanted him to have success in all that he did. That didn't happen.
Speaker 1:But I asked the Lord to bless my father, and I sought out a new heart towards him. I knocked on the door of change, and God opened it up for me. And praying for my Father day after day, month after month, and year after year did do something in my heart. As Luke eleven nine says, and I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find knock, and it will be open to you. The prayers I prayed before and during this process made a massive impact on my heart.
Speaker 1:More than just repeating a mantra or wishing for the best, I was engaging God in prayer, and treating him to do in me what I could not do in myself. If you've never prayed positive prayers for your father or asked God to change your heart towards him, I encourage you to start today. You'll be amazed at what the Lord can do with your earnest request. Number six, don't quit. Referring to success, Jeffrey Fry wrote, it's a slow process, and quitting won't speed it up.
Speaker 1:That rings true here. The journey is hard, and I can promise that you will fall during it. What matters is how you get back up. Solomon wrote, for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again. You will not always be able to see the progress you are making, but the freedom you will receive at the end is well worth the trials you endure to get there.
Speaker 1:No matter what, get back up. If you don't quit, you win. This is because you have the almighty God on your side, and he's up to something even if you can't see it. He wants your freedom more than you do, and he will be right beside you every step of the way. Stay in the fight.
Speaker 1:Trust that all of this isn't in vain. Overcoming your father wound and dealing with your past looks different for each person. So much of it depends on your background, your heart, and your season of life. What matters is not every specific method by which you deal with your wound, but that you deal with your wound. Momentum.
Speaker 1:Just like with most things, the more you put into the process, the more you are likely to get out of it. Preparation is a necessary warm up to the journey you are undertaking. After all, you are going into the unknown. Frankly, that can be terrifying. Fear always pops up when you have no idea what you are about to face.
Speaker 1:The important thing to focus on is having the courage to start. Everyone who has summoned Mount Everest has one thing in common. They took the first step. It has been said that one single brick in front of a fully loaded freight train will keep that locomotive from getting started. However, if the same train is moving at just 10 miles per hour, it's able to plow through a stack of bricks 10 feet high and 10 feet deep.
Speaker 1:What's the difference? Momentum. Getting started is harder than sticking with it, so pull off the Band Aid and get the difficult part over with. Knowing what to expect and surrounding yourself with a team that loves you and is for you will help. Grasp God's timing and embrace a posture of prayer.
Speaker 1:Resolve to dismiss your instincts to quit, and you will plow through stacks of obstacles along the way. Tell me, have you ever paid a high price for a lack of preparation? What did that look like? How might the truths in this chapter provide a strong mental framework for you as you go about the journey? Throughout this process, the temptation to quit could be strong, especially after a hard conversation or a disappointment.
Speaker 1:What obstacles do you foresee that could pop up that might tempt you to give up? Following a shepherd requires us to let go of control and to be led. What are some things that you might need to let go of in order to let the Lord shepherd you? Any good team is made of people with different gifts and abilities. On this journey, you may need someone to encourage you, to push you, and to pick you up when you fall down.
Speaker 1:Who are some people who can be on your team while you prepare for this journey?