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Stop right now and think about the most influential person in your life. Who is it? How did they impact you? What did they teach you? How long were you in a relationship with them? Do you still talk to them? Do they know how much of an impact they had on your life? Now think about the people you’re impacting now. Who are you guiding through life? How are you impacting them? Do you even realize the impact you’re having on somebody in your life? The simple truth is relationships change lives. For good or for bad, every single relationship has some kind of impact on the people in that relationship. Recently, we’ve shared a few stories of prominent people in the music scene and the mentors that have impacted them the most. This week, John flies solo to share his story of one of the people who has changed his life through mentoring, how he was impacted, and how he’s paying it forward.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Hello, you can mentor listeners. This is John, and I am so happy to be sitting down today to talk to you about someone who is really special to me. This is a bit of a mentoring retrospective, if you will, on my mentor, Troy. So mentoring, as you know, it it can look a lot of different ways for a lot of different people. There are short term opportunities that we have, maybe investing in the life of a teenager over a semester or a sports season, and then there are also those relationships that we can nurture for years decades.
Speaker 3:Well, let me tell you, my mentor, Troy, is that kind of mentor for me. So he came into my life as an 8th grader, and here I sit with you today over 30 years later. And, still, I I get to call Troy a friend, and I wanted to be able to just kinda tell a little bit of his story to you and, also kinda give it the structure or the frame of something that is pretty important to me right now as well. And that is a book that I recently finished called Mephibosheth, The Search For Identity, Purpose, and Community. Okay.
Speaker 3:So if you know who Mephibosheth is right now, you're nodding your head. Maybe you've heard us talk about him. We've spent some time last year, Zach and I, really kind of talking about this incredible chapter of scripture. I believe it's 2nd Samuel chapter 9, where King David begins the chapter by asking, Hey, is there anybody left in the household of Jonathan that I can show kindness to? And someone says, Yes, there is.
Speaker 3:And so begins the story of David who has a keen sense and awareness of his own identity, purpose, and community. And because of that, he gets to bestow these things and recognize these things and and be able to celebrate these things with Mephibosheth, who was Jonathan's son. And so, the the practical component of this book, the understanding and having the appreciation for what God shares with us in scripture with the relationship between David and Mephibosheth, I really wanted us to have a keen awareness of these components in life that I think are just most important for us. I think that we, as people, as mentors, as as parents, as teachers, as family members, and and really every station that we have in life, I think that the who we are, what we do, and and who we do it with is very important, identity, purpose, and community. These things, again, are shown in this passage of scripture.
Speaker 3:It's shown they're they're shown in this relationship between David and Mephibosheth, and that's how it kind of gets to be the lens that we look at other relationships in our lives as well. And so, I'm gonna be kind of using that identity purpose and community framework in sharing some of Troy's story, and I hope that it will be a blessing. But hear me say this. This really isn't just an opportunity for me to talk about this guy who you will never meet. It really is an opportunity for you to contemplate your own identity, your own purpose, your own community, and how that's being bestowed and how that's being shared with your mentee as well, and then how you process theirs as well.
Speaker 3:You know, I think that this filter that you can consider when it comes to just meeting someone or knowing someone is so important. The idea of asking, hey, who does this person who does he think he is? But I know it kinda sounds like a a real Michael Scott kinda thing. But, you know, how does this person process who they are? Do they have an idea that that an understanding that they're a child of God, that they were made on purpose and with purpose?
Speaker 3:And then, finally, you know, what what kind of community does this person enjoy? Is this person in a healthy community that speaks to and validates and reconfirms who they are and what they do? Or are they a part of a community that is accepting but does not validate the health of who they are? And, again, when we're dealing with mentees such as children and teenagers, these components are so very important. Right?
Speaker 3:Identity, purpose, and community. Okay. I would tell you this as well. You know, I've had over 30 years to think about what Troy has done in my life and how he's mentored me, how that has been ongoing. He he began mentoring me as an 8th grader, you guys.
Speaker 3:He was my youth minister from about that time until I graduated high school. Shortly thereafter, he moves up to Lubbock from Houston. And that was a really pivotal time in my life, much like all of us, right, right out of high school kind of trying to figure out what life is going to be. I did not have it all figured out by any means. I only had a few things figured out, and even then, those weren't thought out real well.
Speaker 3:So Troy moves away. And then I got to spend a couple of years just kind of floundering, honestly, there in Houston. And then I was invited up to go do a disciple now. So if you guys who are youth group kids or in youth ministry, you might probably know what a DNOW is. And so I got to go and spend some time working with teenagers at a DNOW up in Lubbock and just kind of fell in love with the city and enjoyed the pace and got to move from Houston up to Lubbock and spend the next 4 years there as a college student.
Speaker 3:And I was active in the church that Troy was a youth minister at as well. So 6 years later, after that opportunity of graduating college, getting married, an opportunity came up that I would I could work with Troy, actually. He was at a small church in rural Texas, and he invited me to come and apply for that position as youth minister there. And so this, you guys, was really a dream scenario for me. Like, to think about working with Troy again was just I couldn't think of a better situation.
Speaker 3:But here is also a really important time kind of in our relationship and our friendship, and that was that it really wasn't God's timing for me to to go do that and to work with him. And so what an important time kind of in my development just as a person professionally, personally to be able to say, oh, you know what? Man, I would do anything Troy would ask me to do for sure, but I know that this is not the right time for me to make this move. And so I said no. And that was tough, you guys.
Speaker 3:That was a hard kind of a a hard situation to be in even just in our relationship because everything looked so good for me to go and and serve there. But, again, it just wasn't a matter of the right timing. However, a year later, it was. And so I got to go move to Brenham and work for and with Troy at the church there for a 5 or 6 year stint, and that was that that was some really good time in ministry and spending time with him. So backtracking a little bit within my timeline of of my relationship with Troy, I can tell you that this is really special to me too.
Speaker 3:The first taste of skateboarding ministry that I got as a high school kid as I was an active member of the youth group, but had really never made that connection between skateboarding, which I was so committed to and and love so much, and my faith. Well, guess what? It was Troy who put together a little mission trip of skaters that went up to Dallas, and we put on an event there where we got to do a demo and we got to skate with local skaters there in the parking lot. In fact, okay, if you're this old, you'll know who the power team is. Well, guess what?
Speaker 3:We had befriended a former member of the power team who was the speaker at this particular event, and we put said speaker, like, laying down on a car, and then we jumped over the car on our skateboards. So that was all very exciting. 1,000 were saved. It was a remarkable day, but that was all because of Troy. A few years later, as I'm in college, still skateboarding, guess who said, hey.
Speaker 3:Let's build a community skatepark in our church parking lot and invite skaters to come skate there and share our faith with him that way. Yes. It was Troy. So Troy was instrumental in my spiritual growth in some really important times as a junior high student, as a high school student, as a college student, and then as a young adult. He still has a great impact on my life, and I still think about even when I'm unable to talk to him or run a question by him, I have the all important what would Troy do in this situation.
Speaker 3:And so it still continues just to be so vital for me as we would hope all of our mentees would feel about us, right, those that we invest in. So let me talk maybe in some specifics about identity, purpose, and community and maybe what I was able to pick up from Troy over the years of just kinda watching him live his life as he invested in me personally, as he taught from scripture over the many, many, many Bible studies and sermons that I got to hear from Troy over the years. But I just wanted to kinda speak into some of these things and, like I said, using that framework of IPC. And what I gathered from Troy's having a sense of his identity, purpose, and community, and how they shaped mine. So first off, for Troy's identity, okay, who he is and who he was for me starting back when I was a teenager, something that I really valued about Troy was his consistency.
Speaker 3:He was just so consistent. He was a he was a force of consistency in my life, I would say at a time when when there wasn't a lot of that. Okay? When home life and school life and friend life just did not have a whole lot of consistency and predictability, Troy was that for me. So that was 4 years of him being a high school, yeah, high school youth minister for me, 4 years of being really a college minister for me as well as I watched him do youth ministry and and got to take part in that with him, and then 6 years as a boss.
Speaker 3:So something that we always joke about Troy with and there are many, many things that we make fun of, pick on Troy, and just generally show a total lack of respect. But this is this is Troy and the turkey sandwich. So Troy's consistency is is so great that each day for lunch, Troy has a turkey sandwich, and he doesn't often stray from that. It's just something that he enjoys. It's something that he does, and he gets a lot of grief for that.
Speaker 3:Something that we I can remember going over to Troy's house as a teenager and finding in the refrigerator would be like a like a half drunk Coke can. Alright? And you think, well, what's the big deal with that? Well, mainly because most people that you know, you know, you open a can of Coke and you consume the 12 ounces, and then you do away with a can. But Troy had this incredible amount of self control in his life when, again, anybody else is just gonna, you know, burn through the can and and maybe go on to another quickly.
Speaker 3:But Troy is the kind of guy that would that would open a can of Coke and take a sip and then put that can in the refrigerator to then come back to it later. I still just think that's hilarious because who does that? I bet you haven't ever heard of anybody doing that. Maybe you do that, and you're like, what's wrong with that, John? That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 3:Well, that's Troy consistently showing an incredible amount of self control that I at all times, and that that is very much tied in with his identity. There's also an incredible stability with Troy. So seriously, there were times when being at Troy's house was just like a balm for my heart. You know what I mean? Just like a salve.
Speaker 3:Like, it was like medicine to just be in a place where people spoke kindness to one another, where I got to watch Troy's marriage to Kelly and his being a young dad to Jamie and Jillian, this was just, man, it was just calming for me. It was just good for me. And it was an escape, and it was a rescue, and it was a harbor. That stability was just something that that spoke volumes. And this is this is aside from my own making wise choices.
Speaker 3:Right? This isn't about my own performance and and, you know, this isn't about my quiet times and my prayer life or anything else, you guys. This was just my ability to be around the man, you know, whether it would be in his home on a Thursday night or whether it would be sitting in his office after school one day. I just needed to be around that type of stability. And so Troy having a keen awareness of of who he was allowed me to do that.
Speaker 3:There's an also there's also a really special quality about Troy that I just remember from day 1, and this was tested often. But this was Troy's resilience. So we we had a thing where we called Troy bitter hatred man. It was kinda like his, you know, his doctor Jekyll, mister Hyde kinda thing. It was a superpower who who he would turn into because, you know, everybody reach their reaches their limits, right, when they just had enough.
Speaker 3:So I think that was something that we would try to do, honestly, is just push Troy's buttons enough to get him to maybe to lash out in some playful way or to just shut down completely. But, oh, man, how we loved it. So Troy would, on the regular, because he was a really great youth minister, he would share stories, like, from his childhood. And these weren't all always, you know, happy stories by any means. Right?
Speaker 3:He would show a high level of vulnerability. And as you know, you know, we're people will only go where we're willing to take them. Right? And so Troy would, I just think, make all these really wise decisions in relating to us well because we knew that he came from a hard place as well, and that he was able to to communicate well with us, right, and give us a really high level of vulnerability. Let me tell you what we would do in our youth group.
Speaker 3:We would basically just weaponize all of those stories, and they would just become things that we would, pick on Troy about. So Troy would fall asleep, like, on the van, you know, on trips that we would travel across state lines, and and we would do things like, you know, get a leader's, you know, shoulder held camera. Right? Because that's way back in the day, you guys. This isn't phones or anything that had cameras on them.
Speaker 3:These were like VHS video cameras that we had access to, and we would, you know, record ourselves, like, poking at Troy's bald spot as he slept. So a total lack of of self control in our parts and a total lack of respect for Troy. But, again, the beauty of this was was Troy was so resilient. And and Troy, you know, he he stressed the majors, right, and he downplayed the minors. Like, he knew what was good for us.
Speaker 3:And, man, I look back and think about how how hard we made it on Troy sometimes to just function as a human being, but he was just so rock solid. So what I learned about our identity from Troy is is to have a high level of consistency and stability and resilience, and and those things serve our mentees so well. It certainly did for me. Troy knew who he was, and that helped me tremendously on my journey to do the same over the years. So if identity is who we are, then based on who we are, purpose is what we do.
Speaker 3:Right? And these things should be consistent with one another. If I have a clear understanding of who I am in the Lord and who he has made me to be as his child, then it makes my job, right, that much easier because I realize, hey, you know, a hammer is meant to hit nails. And so a child of God is is meant to glorify him and is meant to make it on earth as it is in heaven, to join God in his work as he is redeeming and restoring all of creation. So what a beautiful thing to be a part of.
Speaker 3:Right? Well, Troy had this incredible knack for understanding this as well. And, as I shared, it just showed an incredible amount of adaptability. Something in ministry and in leadership that that is good to understand is, you know, there are 2 types of leaders. Right?
Speaker 3:There are those that are very laser focused on what their what their purpose is, what kinda what they were built for, what they were designed for, they might see themselves as a specialist. So we kinda call this leader the thoroughbred. Right? Essentially, look. This is what I do, and these are all the things that I don't do.
Speaker 3:Right? So there's also the generalist type of leader, and that is the kind of leader that you probably want on your team, which is the kind of person who's going to say, hey. Whatever the job is that needs doing, I will take care of that. If I'm a I'll be a utility player, and we call that the mule. Well, thankfully, I got to sit under Troy's leadership for so many years and really got to see it fleshed out that that Troy is most definitely a mule, that he is most definitely a utility player who says, look.
Speaker 3:There really isn't a job beneath me, but whatever needs to be done, I'll do it. And so I think that's important in ministry, especially, and not to be overly critical of anyone. But if you've had any time on a church staff or maybe in a professional situation with coworkers, you you probably found it difficult to maybe work with some of those thoroughbreds. Right? These can be incredibly talented people.
Speaker 3:But when you have folks that say, you know what? I'm not really made for that. I really don't wanna do that job. I'm gonna leave that to somebody else, and I'm gonna go instead and go do this stuff. You know?
Speaker 3:Oftentimes, that's kind of a hunt for maybe some more glorious surroundings, right, or maybe more praise. But the mule is gonna be one who will understand that whatever it takes to get the job done, that's what we wanna do. And so I can vividly remember being a high school student on a Wednesday night and being in the church fellowship hall or rather the gym. I do remember being in the in the fellowship hall. That was where dinner was served.
Speaker 3:But then we would go across the parking lot and we would go into the gym for rec and for bible study. And I just remember the countless times of seeing Troy kind of prep the space. Right? Understanding that it wasn't somebody else's job. It wasn't the janitor's job even though that church had one, but it was his.
Speaker 3:And he was happy to do it, to prepare that place, to mop the floor if it needed mopping. Troy was well studied. You know? His I I I can remember that he was just kinda so all around good at everything, you know, between being athletic and being super relational to being a a talented speaker from the from the pulpit to being really well studied and being well prepared. He just always put in the work.
Speaker 3:And so, man, he was a great example for me to look up to of one who knew who they were. And because of that, he took his job seriously. He took his station seriously and understood that he was going to do what he was going to do based on who he was. So such a high level of adaptability. I have another story if, again, if you were a youth group kid, maybe you went on a world changers mission trip.
Speaker 3:Does that rings any bells with anybody? For those of you who don't know, it's an organization that would put junior high and high school students on these mission trips. And if you were a youth minister, you could kinda look over the schedule for the summer and you could find these different weeks of trips that were happening in your state and across the country. And then we would what we would do is we would sign up for a trip and we would go travel. And and, typically, what would happen is junior high students would do, like, roof I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:Junior high students would do, like, paint projects. You know, they would go and they would scrape and paint somebody's house, kinda staying on the ground the whole time or maybe using ladders. But then when you got into high school, you'd start doing some roofing trips, and that's where I put on several roofs over that time in high school. But with some of that trip preparation, what they would what World Changers would want you to do before your summer trip is they would want you to spend some time during the spring doing a local mission project. And so here's showing just how small the world really is.
Speaker 3:I can remember that Troy had set up a local mission trip for us to scrape and paint someone's house, and this person was a church member who also happened to be my 1st grade teacher, missus Turner. Okay? And so here we were. I think I was probably high school, 9th, 10th grade. And I don't remember many of us going to this local mission project because if I remember correctly, you'd kinda get the really committed kids doing the local stuff, and then you kinda have the big party with everybody going on the big trip later in the summer.
Speaker 3:But here we are. We're painting miss Turner's house, and miss Turner had, like, a a brother who lived with her. And these were these were pretty old folks, you guys. And this was at a time when you saw these guys like mister Turner. And, man, he was like that seventies, eighties kind of Pasadena, Texas cowboys, like, you know, the Wrangler pearl button shirt, but it was so old and had been washed so much.
Speaker 3:They were, you know, kinda thin. And and so here he was, mister Turner, and I can just remember like it was yesterday. He was coming around telling us about what we were gonna do on the house. And he told us in his southern drawl that there were there were Cokes in the fridge and they were mucho cold. And so if you're like me, you kinda have all those inside jokes from youth group, right, with your with friends and with your youth minister.
Speaker 3:And so right now I could call or I could text Troy and just say the words mucho cold, and he would know exactly what I was talking about. So something that happened this day that was funny that we still talk about and tell stories about was I can remember shaking out a wet paintbrush on the sand next to miss Turner's driveway. And so we're shaking these things out, you know, trying to dry them up as we're leaving for the day and man out from the back door bolts, mister Turner. Okay? And he is yelling at us to stop.
Speaker 3:And and what are we doing? Turns out, as he tells us, we we were shaking paint onto sand lions. Okay? That he's that there were sand lions in that patch of sand next to the driveway. So if you're like me, you have no idea what a sand lion is, and I'll just tell you even now.
Speaker 3:It's an antilion. Alright? So an antilion is like a Texas sand insect that burrows into sand. They're super scary looking little creatures. If they were huge, you know, it's kinda what you'd see on a sci fi film because it looks like an alien.
Speaker 3:But to have mister Turner race out of the door and and get onto us so quickly about, I guess, what we were doing is we were just killing sand lions left and right by flinging paint onto it. That again is a vivid, hilarious memory for me, One that I got to share in with Troy and just so thankful that Troy had. Was not afraid to do the work and was not afraid to put us into situations where we would do the work and give us so many incredible stories. So Troy lived out his purpose in front of me and he invited me into the practice. And man, those were good times with so many good memories.
Speaker 3:So, very much helped me to understand what it meant to live on purpose. So Troy had a keen sense of identity. He practiced his purpose well, and he also invited me into community. So you probably know this, but our careers are often shaped by possibly either education or experience, you know, not only in ministry but everything else in life. We we tend to kind of begin by either going to do a thing that we're going to spend the rest maybe of our careers doing, or we go into our education.
Speaker 3:Right? So if you wanna go into ministry, that means that you either kinda out of high school, you just start doing ministry, or you go to seminary. In my case, I just started kinda working and serving in the church and leading as a high school student. That was very much in part to Troy's leadership and his guidance for me. And then so when I graduated high school, I got to go do ministry and started helping out with the church plant and doing youth ministry right off the bat.
Speaker 3:And so when it comes to community, what I would share with what Troy was able to do and and kinda what he personified was accessibility. He just made himself accessible and made kinda his network accessible as well. And that was probably, if I were to think about 2 relationships that were the most important that Troy, kinda, nurtured for me, that was between a guy named John Ekaburger and a guy named Jerry Hendrix. So John was Troy's youth minister. Alright?
Speaker 3:So interestingly enough, after high school, I go to help John with a church plant in Pearland, Texas, and I was basically working with and for my youth minister's youth minister in doing that. That was an incredible opportunity. I even got another gig with John as he worked for a silk screening company. And so that was a part of my growing up and also being able to feed myself at that time, which was good. The other friendship that and the other relationship, even as I got to enjoy from a mentor, another mentor like John, was Jerry Hendrix.
Speaker 3:So Jerry knows Troy from seminary, and they are enough of the same kinda guy that they I think they just really kicked off a friendship there and remained friends for many, many years as well. Jerry was also instrumental in giving me opportunities to go and do ministry as a college kid. Go lead Disciple Now's. Go be a leader in a thing called Super Week that they did. So when I look back on on what I learned about youth ministry and and church leadership, obviously, it's Troy who who really influenced so much of what I knew and understood early on and through the years.
Speaker 3:But also Jerry and John were guys that were just very important in in how I would kind of maneuver through and navigate through ministry and also how it affects what I do now even with middleman and even how I do mentoring ministry now. So I can look back and think that I'm so grateful for Troy being able to open up his network right to me and give me the opportunity to kind of build my community as well. Okay. So to recap you guys, identity purpose and community, let me just kind of now hold the mirror up to you if I can. So identity, are you revealing who you truly are to your mentees?
Speaker 3:Do they have access to that, and do they see that? Are you showing a comfort in yourself that allows them to trust who God is and to trust you as well? I would encourage that in your walk and in your friendship and in your mentoring times as well that you you think about that to say, look. Am I am I really trusting in in who I am, and I'm am I, willing to show that to my mentee as well? So what about your purpose?
Speaker 3:Does your purpose align with your identity? Can you say, well, look, based on who I am, this is what I do. And are you able to speak that into your mentee as well to say, man, you were made for such a good purpose because of this solid identity of who you are as a child of God? Is there consistency there between your identity and your purpose? That would be something to consider.
Speaker 3:And, finally, community. Are you working to make your mentees' world bigger through new experiences and through networking? Are you inviting those mentees to maybe meet somebody else? Maybe think about that for this next month even. Is there a meeting that you could call somebody who is perhaps your mentor and say, hey, I wanted to invite somebody that really spoke into my life and and has helped me, has supported me over the years.
Speaker 3:I just think that they would be really a valuable person for you to meet as well. So have have kind of that trifecta. You know? Have those generations of your mentor and your mentee and you meeting together. That could really be an impactful meeting and a really neat relationship to foster.
Speaker 3:So, you know, when I think about my mentor, Troy, I really don't know where I'd be had God not put him in my life in 1988, so many years ago. Being able to watch him live his life and be a dad and be a husband over the years has influenced, well, just really every facet of my life. And so, mentors, just wanna encourage you and with the hope that maybe 30 years from now, that your mentee might be sitting down with someone and being able to just sing your praises to understand that that God has been so good to them by giving you to them. That is not always easily remembered in the moments. And I know that you think, am I even doing any good sometimes because you just don't see the results?
Speaker 3:Well, let me tell you something. We may not see the results on this side of heaven, but I want you to know that your mentee is picking up a lot more from you than you even know and will remember a lot more about you. They may not always remember what you said. They may not always remember what you did, but they're going to certainly remember how you made them feel. And so I would hope that you just take a page from Troy's book that you would really strive to be consistent and stable, that you'd show an incredible amount of resilience, that you'd also show an adaptability, and that you'd also be accessible to them.
Speaker 3:Thank you for what you do as a mentor. Troy, thank you for what you've done and what you've meant to me in my life. And, man, I'm just so thankful that the Lord put you in my life. I think I'll probably text you now and and tell you this because who knows if you're gonna eat this in this. I love you.
Speaker 3:And, listener, I I so appreciate you. I hope that you will continue to fight the fight. I hope that you will continue to cling to the Lord who has given you your identity, your purpose, and your community. It is a good work that you are doing. Keep it up, and don't forget, you can mentor.