Whys & Finds

A toddler watches the big kid a lot. Give the little one a thing of their own, and let each child keep a few things just for themselves.

Show Notes

Why do toddlers want everything their big brother or sister has?

A toddler watches the big kid a lot, so whatever the big kid has and does looks like the thing to have. Give the little one a thing or two of their own, and let each child keep a few things that are only theirs.

Ellie and Ben look at what Raising Children Network, an Australian parenting site supported by the Australian Government, says. On family meals: "Watching you and their older siblings eating different kinds of healthy foods at family meals can encourage your toddler to try different foods too." On sharing: "sharing can be hard for toddlers," and "it's OK for children to have some toys that they keep just for themselves." On siblings: "Allow each child to have some special things of their own that they don't have to share with siblings."

They read what buyers wrote in our Amazon reviews about a little one who wants a backpack of his own, to go to school like the big kid. They talk about why the big kid's old school bag is usually the wrong size for a toddler. Ben's point wins a round: not a copy of everything, just one thing that's his. On family rules, Raising Children Network says "fair treatment doesn't always mean the same treatment."

Sources:

Whys & Finds is made by Naturally KIDS.
This episode uses AI-generated voices for both hosts.

What is Whys & Finds?

The whys parents and gift-givers ask about little kids, and the finds that actually get used. On Whys & Finds, two hosts, Ellie and Ben, take one question per episode, answer it up front, and are honest about when something else would suit a child better. Both hosts are AI-generated voices. Made by Naturally KIDS.

Ben: Big sister zips up her school backpack. Her little brother watches, then grabs the strap and won't let go. He doesn't want any backpack. He wants hers.

Ellie: Welcome to Whys & Finds. I'm Ellie.

Ben: And I'm Ben.

Ellie: Today: why do toddlers want everything their big brother or sister has?

Ellie: Let's keep it simple: he watches the big kid a lot. To him, whatever she has, and whatever she does, looks like the thing to have and the thing to do. So give him his own version of one or two of her things. And let each child keep a few things that are only theirs.

Ben: That's it? He wants her stuff because it's hers?

Ellie: Mostly, it's because of what she does with it. A backpack isn't just a bag to him. It's what she takes when she goes to school.

Ben: Is there a source for that, or is that your guess?

Ellie: Fair question. The watching part has a source. Raising Children Network is an Australian parenting site, supported by the Australian Government. On a page about family meals with toddlers, it says: "Watching you and their older siblings eating different kinds of healthy foods at family meals can encourage your toddler to try different foods too."

Ben: That's about broccoli.

Ellie: It is. I wouldn't stretch it past food. But it says something simple. A toddler watches the older kids at the table, and that can get him to try new foods.

Ben: So the broccoli works the same way as the backpack.

Ellie: That part is my reading, not theirs. The source is only about food.

Ben: Okay. So he wants her things. Why can't they just share?

Ellie: Because sharing is hard at this age. The same site has a guide to sharing, age by age. It says: "Your 2-year-old might share some of the time. But sharing can be hard for toddlers."

Ben: Some of the time. That sounds about right.

Ellie: And here's the part I like. The guide says sharing matters, and then: "it's OK for children to have some toys that they keep just for themselves."

Ben: So the big sister doesn't have to hand over everything.

Ellie: No. And their page on sibling fights says it plainly: "Allow each child to have some special things of their own that they don't have to share with siblings."

Ben: Each child. So that goes for the little one too.

Ellie: Right. He gets things that are his. She gets things that are hers.

Ben: Where does a backpack come into this? Because "things of his own" can turn into "more stuff" pretty fast.

Ellie: We read more than 3,000 reviews of Naturally KIDS backpacks. Dozens of them mention a brother or sister. And some sound almost the same.

Ben: Go on.

Ellie: One parent wrote: "He watches his big sister get ready for school everyday and has been asking for a backpack of his own."

Ben: "Of his own." Not hers.

Ellie: That's what stood out. Another parent wrote: "My two year old loves to “go to school” like his older brother so I wanted to get him a backpack too."

Ben: So he's not after her actual bag. He wants to do what she does.

Ellie: That's how the reviews read. He wants to pack, zip and walk out the door like the big kid.

Ben: Then why not give him her old backpack? It's free, it's hers, he's thrilled.

Ellie: He might be, for a day. But my take is this: a school bag is sized for a school kid. On a toddler it hangs down, and it ends up on your shoulder.

Ben: So the hand-me-down is the wrong size.

Ellie: Usually, yes. One grandparent wrote: "He loves carrying a backpack like his older brother but this is small enough and not too heavy for him."

Ben: Like his brother, but his size.

Ellie: That's the idea. One practical option: Naturally KIDS makes a small backpack, the right size for a child's little shoulders. Room for a snack and a treasure. Padded, adjustable straps and an easy zipper small hands open on their own. And there's a removable plush animal on the front. He can take it out for a hug and put it back.

Ben: And it doesn't look like hers.

Ellie: It doesn't have to. There's a T-Rex, a triceratops, a unicorn and more. He picks his own animal. And if he wants pockets like hers, there's a version with side pockets for a water bottle and a name label inside.

Ben: Can I push back on one thing you said at the start?

Ellie: Go ahead.

Ben: You said give him his own version of her things. If I do that every time, I'm buying two of everything. And he learns that whenever she gets something, he gets one too.

Ellie: That's a fair point.

Ben: So I'd say: not a copy of everything. One thing that's his, picked for him. Her things stay hers.

Ellie: You're right. That's better than what I said. And the sibling page has a line on fairness: "fair treatment doesn't always mean the same treatment." There it's about family rules. Kids of different ages can have different rules. I'd say the same goes for things.

Ben: I'll take the win.

Ellie: You earned it.

Ellie: Now, a few different situations. If he already has a bag he loves, keep that one. Give him a job with it, like carrying his own snack to the car while she carries hers.

Ben: Same job, side by side.

Ellie: Right. If his sister already has a backpack with a plush animal, he may want the same animal. That's okay too. Or he can pick another one, so each child knows which bag is whose.

Ben: Okay, let me see if I've got it. One: he watches the big kid a lot. Raising Children Network says watching older siblings at family meals can encourage a toddler to try new foods. Ellie says the same thing may go for backpacks, but that's her reading. Two: the same site says sharing can be hard for toddlers, and it's okay for kids to have some toys just for themselves. Three: in the reviews, toddlers wanted a backpack of their own, to go to school like the big kid. Four: if it's a bag, his size, not her old one. And five, my point: not a copy of everything. One thing that's his. Fair doesn't always mean the same.

Ellie: You've got it.

Ellie: That's it for today. A reminder: the voices in this episode are AI-generated. Whys & Finds is made by Naturally KIDS.

Ellie: That's today's why. See you at the next find.