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Understanding your true value as a man is crucial for a healthy marriage. And here's the thing, the kingdom doesn't deal in zero sum games. So you stepping into your worth doesn't equate to your wife getting trampled, domineered, etc. It equates to you leader her into a marriage where you both are living in your God-given royal identities. Together you rule over the domain God has entrusted to you.
When you embrace your identity as worthy and valuable, you can love and serve your wife from a place of confidence and security, without neediness or manipulation.
If you haven't yet, be sure to grab The DNA of a Man.
Also, if you're interested in working with Matt one-on-one in the Unshakeable Man coaching program...click here to download the PDF writeup about the program and book a free 30 minute REBUILD coaching call with Matt.
00:00:00
Introduction and Personal Background
00:01:23
Understanding Self-Worth and Misconceptions
00:05:04
Mutual Value and Confidence in Relationships
00:10:46
Living Up to Worthiness and Service
00:13:20
Fostering a High View of each Spouse in a Marriage
00:15:29
Action Plan for Identity Restoration
When you embrace your identity as worthy and valuable, you can love and serve your wife from a place of confidence and security, without neediness or manipulation.
If you haven't yet, be sure to grab The DNA of a Man.
Also, if you're interested in working with Matt one-on-one in the Unshakeable Man coaching program...click here to download the PDF writeup about the program and book a free 30 minute REBUILD coaching call with Matt.
00:00:00
Introduction and Personal Background
00:01:23
Understanding Self-Worth and Misconceptions
00:05:04
Mutual Value and Confidence in Relationships
00:10:46
Living Up to Worthiness and Service
00:13:20
Fostering a High View of each Spouse in a Marriage
00:15:29
Action Plan for Identity Restoration
Creators & Guests
What is The Man Warrior King Podcast?
You want to live a life on fire and on mission.
You want to be filled with such conviction and drive that you stop caring about what ANYone thinks.
You want to face each day alive, authentic, and fully present in every moment: with your wife, kids, on the street, at the gym, at work.
You want to bring yourSELF to the table, and to stop bringing the watered-down, nice, what everyone wants version of you.
You want that self to be a man who is burning in passion for Jesus, unafraid to bring his kingdom to anyone in your path, no matter the cost.
You want to love the one in front of you without fear, without needing love back, and without reserve.
You want to experience God for real, to not just believe, but to KNOW that he’s got you and that he’ll show up on your behalf. That he’ll show up THROUGH you.
You want to get to the end of your race and say, “Yep…I gave it everything. Jesus, you know I’m all in.”
...And you want to know just how to get there.
Welcome to Man Warrior King. Congratulations. You are among the violent taking the kingdom by force. You are among the chosen, answering the call to rise above your self. You are in the forge being stripped down and strengthened—and you WILL rise stronger, solid, unshakeable.
You are a man. You are a warrior. You are a king.
Speaker 1
Well, good afternoon and welcome to another episode of the man warrior king podcast today, I am coming at you in the Renewed heat at the end of the summer and I'm actually in my car So it's too hot to sit here with the windows up. So forgive me if there is background noise but I'm going to do my best to not allow that to Get in the way of what we're doing here. So in case you don't know Matt Halleck I wrote the book The DNA of a Man. It is worth a read.
Speaker 1
It will change your life if what the other guys who have contacted me have said is valid. I'm confident it will have an impact on you. Never would have thought that when I was writing it. And then I discovered it quickly after starting to sell it, the kind of impact it's been having.
Speaker 1
And so I'm very thankful for that and humbled and honored. And so pick it up if you haven't already. If you are in a life season that feels like you need help, would you head over to manwarriorking.com and fill out the contact form there and let me know what you're up to. Let me know what's going on in your life.
Speaker 1
You can also peruse the different coaching opportunities that I've got there and see if there's anything that might work for you. And get in touch. I can help you find what is best. So today we are discussing a, I don't know what to call it yet.
Speaker 1
I'll have to figure out a title by the time this goes live. But we're discussing a topic about worth. So A lot of the message that I preach to men is that you have value and worth. It's that you are worth far more than maybe you have considered in the past, that you are worth more than maybe you've been told in the past, and that you, in God's eyes, are precious and valuable.
Speaker 1
Yes, even a man can be precious, and that's okay. And so, very often, the path to a healed marriage for the men who come to me involves these men building their self-worth and building their confidence and actually believing that they have something good inside of them again. Because unfortunately as Christians we often get our worth conditioned out of us and it's not necessarily on purpose. It's just that we get preached a lot that that we are sinners saved by grace and that there's nothing good that I can offer Anything it's only jesus who has any of the good And and I'm just kind of a bump on a log who's getting who's getting yanked around like a puppet on a string by the Holy Spirit and but but as far as I'm concerned you know anything good that happens around me or from me or through me it has nothing to do with me that's that's often the mentality and and I'm and I'm going to tell you that that mentality is very damaging when you're in a marriage.
Speaker 1
It will damage you and it will also, believe it or not, damage your wife. And it will create a marriage full of tension and strife and a lot of hurt feelings and resentment over time. It promises to be good, it promises to be holy, it promises to be a godly attitude, but the delivery is not there. The delivery is far from there, to be honest, and I believe that this is a lie that Satan has perpetrated on the church and He has used it this lie of low self-worth He has used it to tear apart homes He's used it to tear apart marriages.
Speaker 1
He's used it to keep men from stepping into their true calling and identities. Used it to keep women from the same. So I teach men, and I want you to know today, that you are valuable, that you are worthy, you are worthy of being treated with love and respect, and you are worthy of your opinion being honored, and you are a catch. Now as I talk this way I can hear some of the objections out there as I often can that are like well that sounds arrogant that sounds prideful That sounds like you are trying to set me up to be domineering of my wife because I'm so worth everything.
Speaker 1
I should just demand all the right behavior. And I could understand why it sounds that way, but that's not actually the truth. Because in the same way that you are worthy, you are valuable, you deserve to be honored and treated with love and respect, your wife is no less worthy and valuable. And she herself deserves to be treated with honor and love and respect.
Speaker 1
She is precious. She is God's capstone over all creation. She is a daughter of the Most High. She is a queen in his kingdom.
Speaker 1
Just as you are a king in his kingdom. See, in the church world, we, unless you're in a certain type of church, you don't talk much about royalty and that you and I and our wives are all royalty. It says it. It scripture tells us that you and I, we are a royal priesthood.
Speaker 1
And it says that we have been adopted into the family of God. He is, he is supreme king, ruler over everything. If there was ever anybody royal in all of existence, it would be him. It says we have been adopted into his family.
Speaker 1
We are now his sons. Our wives are also his daughters and they live in sonship, meaning they have an inheritance from the king. And it says that we are not just secondary heirs after Jesus is the primary heir. It actually says that we are joint heirs or co-heirs, like in equal partnership in the inheritance.
Speaker 1
So you are in God's family, and you have an inheritance that cannot be taken away by anybody because you have inherited the king's wealth. You have inherited the king's domain. So don't be mistaken that this notion that you are worthy is going to cause a rift in your marriage and justification for you to trample your wife. No, not at all.
Speaker 1
Because when you live up to your level of worthiness, that is actually true of you, then what should happen is that it causes you to raise others to theirs. First and foremost, your wife. See, the problem is that in many men's marriages who have lived under the nice guy system they have made it their effort to treat their wife like a queen their whole marriage they have tried to serve her to do whatever it takes to lead her to be happy, to try to always figure out what she wants and do it. They've waited on her hand and foot, they feel.
Speaker 1
And then there's this frustrating reality that on the wife's end, she doesn't feel any of that. And a man in that position can start to feel like she's just broken. She's cold and she's bitter and she's mean. She's never used to be this way.
Speaker 1
She has changed. And he can feel like it's all her fault because he's here trying to do everything he knows to love her and to make her feel that. And then the wife though, often after years of a marriage where a man is the nice guy, feels unloved, feels unseen, uncovered, unprotected, feels like he doesn't truly care about her. That she ends up feeling like he's only ever trying to get stuff from her.
Speaker 1
So all of his romantic gestures, all of his gestures of love and care are selfish in her eyes and manipulative. They're not given freely just for the sake of loving her. They are given with this like eager expectation like a dog sitting at your feet waiting hoping you'll take him out to throw the ball. And as a dog, I know cuz my own does this and I'm sorry to say, as a dog like that can get quite annoying and start to grate on you and can have this impression that, man, he just only supremely cares about himself and that's it.
Speaker 1
That's what can happen with a wife towards her husband. She can feel that, that everything is just will you do it now? Will you do it now? Will you give me what I want now?
Speaker 1
Will you have sex now? Will you want me again now? And so she feels empty and disappointed, and the husband feels bitter and resentful because she's just closed off. So, when a husband begins to see himself as royalty and as worthy, because God says he is, even if he hasn't been acting like it, even if he hasn't been living according to his value and his worth in everyday life and your marriage.
Speaker 1
When the husband begins to live according to his worth, then what happens? His humility, his generosity, his kindness, his compassion begins to mean so much more. It doesn't mean anything if he has disappeared as an individual. Doesn't mean anything if he's constantly revolving around his wife, trying to get from her.
Speaker 1
But as soon as he becomes a man of value, and he steps into confidence, and he understands his royalty, he understands that he was put on here to take dominion over the earth, Then he can love his wife for love's sake. And he can be romantic in ways that actually resonate with her. He can go out of his way to serve her with no strings attached and she'll feel the value of it, the love from it. It's crucial and John 13 tells us that it's crucial.
Speaker 1
In John 13 it says that Jesus, knowing that he had come from the father and knowing that all things had been given into his hand, comma, he bent down and washed the disciples' feet. Other translations literally say Jesus knew that he had come from the Father and that the Father had given everything into his hand. So therefore, he bent down, took off his outer robe, and washed his disciples' feet. You understand, Jesus' getting low and serving came from a place of his royalty.
Speaker 1
It came from his own understanding of how incredible he was, how valuable he was, and what kind of honor he already possessed. And from that place he washed the feet of his disciples. But so many of us men, we've missed that first part. And that's where everything breaks down.
Speaker 1
We too have to know that we are also to make it sound crude, awesome. We too have to know that we carry value on the inside. We too have to know that our wife is lucky to have us. Not that it is at the expense of us knowing we are lucky to have her.
Speaker 1
So when a man steps into this, then he begins to treat his wife as the royalty that she is. And what happens then is now she feels loved and honored and lifted up and now you have a house full of a couple where both are living in their identity as a son and a daughter. There's no domineering. There is only a mutual high view of the other 1.
Speaker 1
This is the atmosphere that the Lord intended. This is the approach to 1 another that we are meant to have. And it's been scuttled because of bad theology that says that you basically suck. And then you don't wanna live like your wife sucks.
Speaker 1
So you have this marriage where in your mind, 1 of you sucks and the other 1 doesn't. And so you're just lucky that she sticks around with you. It's not helpful. It's not good.
Speaker 1
So you need to begin to see yourself through the eyes that God sees you through, his royal priest, and you need to then translate that into how you treat your wife and allow her to rise up to that same status in her own eyes because she's already in that status in God's eyes. She's already his crown on his head. The royal jewels in the crown. She is already honored by him and he rejoices over her like a bridegroom does over his bride.
Speaker 1
And it's your job to be the representation of that on the earth. And I'm sorry if you've been trying really hard and it hasn't been working, but I have a sense it has to do with what we're talking about here today. But man, when you are able to step into that new place of confidence, identity, individuality, joy, regardless of her mood, then the kind of impact you can have on her is incredible. The way that you can cause her to feel secure and safe and valued is unheard of.
Speaker 1
And it's hard to believe if you've never experienced that before, but I'm telling you, you can. I'm telling you, you can. So don't lose hope, don't give up the fight, Stay in it. Stay in it.
Speaker 1
Here's what I want you to do. I want you to look through scripture and figure out what it says about you. Figure out the identity statements in scripture and start to believe them as though they are true instead of always dismissing them and saying, well, but, well, but, well, but. Quit saying but unless it's I feel sucky, but God says I'm incredible.
Speaker 1
That's fine, but stop going the other way with it. That's your action plan. Do it. And again, if you need help with this, head over to manwarriorking.com.
Speaker 1
Look and see what the offerings are there. I've got courses, I've got membership, I've got the book. And you can also fill out the contact form and get a hold of me. And we can decide on how to best go about resurrecting your identity and your marriage.
Speaker 1
I love you, gentlemen. Bless you. Stay cool out there.