Chapter + Verse

When life seemed its darkest, Haylee found light through faith and community support. Discover how she emerged stronger than ever after facing the ultimate health scare. Her story is a beacon of hope for everyone fighting their own battles. 🙏 #HopeInHealing #MiracleJourney
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What is Chapter + Verse?

A faith-forward podcast for people who love Jesus but also love being honest about how weird and wonderful life can be. Hosts Kerrye and Jill tell stories about the Bible, talk about their faith, and dig into what it looks like to follow God through the ordinary chaos of everyday, imperfect life. Real conversations. Real stories. No pretending to have it all together. Pull up a chair, turn the page, and let's go.

Welcome to Chapter and Verse, where people
tell real stories about faith, failure,

redemption, and those "Lord, I'm gonna
need you to explain this one" moments.

Some stories are inspiring, some
are messy, some are miraculous,

and some probably should have
come with a warning label.

But through every chapter of
every story, God has a plan.

And he's never been
afraid of a little chaos.

We're Jill.

And Kerrye.

Let's turn the page

All right.

We're here with our friend
Haylee Cochran, and we're

excited that you joined us today.

Yay, Haylee.

Why don't you tell us a little bit
about your- yourself before we start?

All right.

Well, um, my name is Haylee.

I am married to Seth Cochran.

Uh, we've been married for 13
years, got three kids, and, uh,

I'm an occupational therapist.

I work with people, uh, doing
rehab in, uh- Mm-hmm â¦ different

nursing homes for the area, so.

Oh, that's cool.

Okay, nice.

Yeah.

So, um, I don't know what else.

Well, you can just start in, like
just- Okay, yeah â¦ what chapter

do you wanna talk about today?

Okay.

Well, um, I feel like the most, uh,
I guess telling thing about myself

as far as, uh, what the Lord has done
in my life is, uh, back in '23, he

really just miraculously healed me,
and, uh, I just wanted to share that

part because I really grew in, uh,
I guess my closeness with him- Yeah.

Mm-hmm â¦ and just learning about him.

And I was thinking on this, and I
wanted to go ahead and share a verse-

so, uh, first Peter chapter
one, verses six and seven.

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though
now for a little while, you may have had

to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

These have come so that the proven
genuineness of your faith, of greater

worth than gold, which perishes
even though refined by fire, may

result in praise, glory, and honor
when Jesus Christ is revealed."

That's good.

So good.

That is good.

I mean, I've-- Anytime you've had
something, I don't- I'm gonna say

kinda traumatic 'cause it, it, it
was a big deal that I went through.

Um, I mean, you think about it a lot, and
I just feel like of all the verses that

I've looked through, um, in hindsight
with this, this is the one that really

just kinda resonates with me- Yeah.

Mm-hmm â¦ and I kinda cling to,
and I always like to share it

because this is, um, my testimony
of what God has done in my life.

Mm-hmm.

So really, this is a story about
God- Yeah â¦ um, and what He's

done, and what He can do for others.

Yeah.

So, um- We like those.

Good, 'cause that's, that's it.

That's it.

All right.

So, um, my story starts, um,
back in, uh, February of 2023.

Mm-hmm.

And just to kinda give an idea of
what was going on in my life at that

time, uh, I had just changed jobs
the Novemb- in November prior, and

Seth had just changed jobs as well.

So we were both in new positions.

Mm-hmm.

Um, kind of learning that, and
he is currently an EMT, and

that's what he started with.

Okay.

And that is- whole different deal.

Like at that time they were doing
24 hour shifts, 48 hours off.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I'm trying to learn how to be
mom on those, in the times that

he's gone- Yeah â¦ with three kids.

And my- Yeah â¦ youngest at
the time was one and a half.

Ooh.

So Yeah â¦ uh, and my oldest,
uh, uh, she just turned seven.

Yeah.

So I mean, w- this is a busy household-
Right â¦ and a lot of stuff going on,

and I really think like how I was just,
I was really in a, I was really stressed.

Mm-hmm.

But I don't know about y'all, but like you
just tend to just try to power through.

Right.

Yeah.

It's like, I mean- You're a mom, yeah
â¦ I'm like, "I wanna get through this.

Like I can do this."

Yeah.

"This is mom, this is mom."

Nothing stops.

E- exactly.

So I guess I don't get to either.

So if anybody hears this like,
"Oh, this, this girl is kinda,

kinda dumb, like she shouldn'tâ¦"

Yeah.

Because I was trying to power
through and then it kind of started.

You're in mom mode.

Yeah.

Exactly.

So, um, let's go, okay, February.

Uh, it was a Tuesday and, and it was
a normal day, and I, I can keep up

with the dates because it was like
the last Tuesday in February, and

I'd just taken all my kids to the
dentist and One of those things.

And I wake up the next morning and
I just, I just don't feel good.

Okay.

You know?

Okay.

But me being me, uh, I've, I'm
a OT, um, I'm doing home health.

I've like, I've got people that
have- Right â¦ to be seen.

Mm-hmm.

And at that time I was also,
uh, serving as youth pastor.

So on Wednesday I was like, "I've
got, I've gotta preach tonight.

Like I've gotta"- Yeah.

I'm like, "I don't have time to be sick."

Yeah.

"I, I gotta power through.

I got stuff"- Yeah â¦ "I gotta do."

So I'm like, "Okay, I'm just
gonna take some Tylenol.

I'm gonna be okay."

Mm-hmm.

So, um, go on, uh, get my
work done, feeling miserable.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, go to church that night, preach,
do the things, and I, in my head I'm

like, "I'll feel better tomorrow.

I'll, it'll be fine."

Mm-hmm.

So Thursday, I don't feel better.

I still feel sick.

I'm like, "Oh, I'll be better Friday."

I'm still not better.

So, and here- What were your symptoms?

Like, what were you- Okay â¦ just
like fluey kinda symptoms or?

Iâ¦

Yes, aches, fever, chills,
um, and I guess nausea.

And I would say vomiting except I wasn't
a- actually able to keep anything down.

Okay.

So, um- So you weren't eating.

I, I- Right â¦ no, I wasn't eating, um,
and really not getting fluids in too well.

Yeah.

But I, I'm doing my best, and
I'm just, in my head, I've got

a really bad stomach virus, and
I'm just like- Okay â¦ you know.

Yeah.

48 hours, I'll be fine.

72 hours, I'll be fine.

I know how viruses work and-
Yeah, and also, if I go in,

there's nothing they can do.

It's probably a virus.

It's a virus.

It's whatever.

It's gotta run its course.

Yeah, exactly.

So, and in my stubbornness, and
anyone that knows me, they're like,

"Oh, that sounds like Haylee."

We had a fundraiser coming up on Sunday
for the youth group, and so we were

gonna, like, do like a spaghetti dinner,
and my mother-in-law and her family's

gonna help cook 'cause I'm not a cook.

So Saturday, I have just willed
myself that I'm gonna go to, like,

the Sam's, and I'm gonna do this whole
shopping spree and all this stuff.

Oh, holy moly.

And I am absolutely miserable.

Mm-hmm.

But I've, I've decided I powered
through, and I get home, and I tell

Seth 'cause he's, he's home, and I'm
like, "Hon," I was like, "I'm sick."

I was like, "I think
I gotta go to the ER."

He goes, "What?"

Okay, first off, he's an EMT.

We don't- Right â¦ we don't go to the ER.

Yeah.

Right, exactly.

We don't do that.

Yep.

And he's like, "Are you sure?"

I was like, "No, I'm sick."

Like, something is wrong.

Like, I'm, I should be over this by now.

Mm-hmm.

And I even told him, I was like,
"I'm, I may be septic at this point.

Like, I don't know.

I am sick."

Yeah.

Okay, so we go, uh, go to the ER.

They check me out.

They're like, "No, it's,
it's a stomach virus.

It's just a really bad stomach virus."

Mm-hmm.

"You're okay.

You know, just go follow up
with your doctor on Monday."

I'm like, "Okay."

And I believe that Seth went on shift,
I think at this point he was having

to work a 48 for whatever reason,
because I know that Sunday, like, he

went in to work 8:00 AM Sunday morning.

I didn't go to church.

I decided, like, "No, I'm too sick.

I ain't going."

So, uh, shout out to my family and
my church family- Mm-hmm â¦ for

keeping that fundraiser going.

But, uh- Yeah â¦ I was too sick, and
my mother-in-law, she kept the kids

that night, and I was home by myself,
and I was just really miserable.

I was- I was just honestly
just praying like, "Lord, just

help me get through the night."

I just felt alone.

I was just so sick and I was already
told that it's just a stomach virus.

You're- Yeah.

You're- Right â¦ you'll be fine.

And I was like, I'm, I'm
not gonna let this getâ¦

I'm, I'm gonna be fine.

Mm-hmm.

And I just was praying.

I was like, "Lord, just help
me get through tonight,"

'cause I really felt so bad.

Yeah.

I felt like I was dying.

And I remember I just watched my phone
until it finally rolled around to

8:00 AM so I could call the doctor.

And so I called my, uh, primary
care physician at the time and

I was like, "Can you get me in?"

They're like, "Oh, it'll be tomorrow."

I'm like, "No, no, no.

I have got to be seen today."

Yeah.

I am sick.

Yeah.

Someone has got to help me.

I'm sick.

Mm-hmm.

And they said, "Oh, we'll, we'll call
up- call you back if something opens up."

So, uh, my dad, I called him to see if
he could take me to the doctor 'cause,

uh, I think they had something open
up around 1:00 or something like that.

So he came and picked me up 'cause I was
too weak and too tired to take- Mm-hmm

myself.

Yeah.

'Cause- Probably a wise choice.

I mean, this is going on five days- Yeah
â¦ of me really not getting any nutrition.

Eating, drinking.

Yeah, nothing.

Nothing.

Um, I get to the doctor and I must
look pretty terrible because I'm

in the waiting room and they come
back like, "Why don't you just like

come back to a room and just sit?"

Mm-hmm.

Let's, let's not expose whatever
is going on with you to the public.

Like - Yeah â¦ it's like you
look pretty rough, I'm sure.

Um, so I, I don'tâ¦

Okay.

As women here- Mm-hmm â¦ like you know
when you go in you, they take all your

vitals and you like go in, you weigh in.

Okay.

I was like only me can be sick for like
five days straight and gain 10 pounds.

Oh, goodness.

How?

Uh, w- well, okay.

Fluid retention.

Fluid retention, yes.

Yep.

Acites, that's exactly what was going on.

Yep.

But in my brain I'm just like,
"Oh, that's just how it works."

You're like, "That's fantastic."

I was like, "You know, I can't
even lose weight this way."

I get you.

Yep.

So anyways, we go through.

Uh, um, I done, I do all that.

I'm feeling really miserable and,
um, I am severely dehydrated.

Oh, yeah.

Like I know that theyâ¦

Like I left, you leave, uhâ¦

This may be like real personal.

I work in healthcare.

I don't have much of a bubble.

I ain't gonna lie.

Right.

That's fine.

So, um- We're all same I left
like a urine sample and it

looked straight up like coffee.

It was- Oh my gosh.

It was really bad.

And like I took a picture of it.

I was like, "Oh my gosh."

I sent it to my husband.

I was like, "Something is wrong."

Anyway, so they told me I can
have like a bag of fluids, like

they s- and they said one bag.

So I don't know what the rule was with
that, but at the doctor's office- Yeah

one, one bag of fluids, and
they said, "We'll do this.

You go home.

You come back tomorrow,
we'll give you another bag."

I'm like, "Okay, whatever."

Um, at this point I just feel miserable.

I just want somebody help me.

Yeah.

And once again, I ask them like,
"Is there like something like more?"

They're just like, "No, this is
just a really bad stomach bug."

I'm like, "Really?"

I'm like, "It's been like
nearly-" Did they take blood?

I'm like, "Did you see my urine?"

I was just like- Like, I feel like maybe
we should check me into the hospital

and maybe get me hydrated and, and
observed, you know, at the very least.

At this point, I mean, I'm
just- Yeah â¦ and I just like

some- I just want some help.

Yeah.

And I want someone to hear that likeâ¦

And I, I get it.

Like in hindsight, like I was 31.

I was- Mm-hmm â¦ and I was
pretty healthy, honestly.

Yeah.

Um, so you don't expect anything too crazy
to be going on with someone that's 31.

No, but also when the patient in front of
you is, is showcasing this symptomology,

uh, yes, maybe it's viral, but at that
point you also look at it and you go,

"Okay, so clearly her symptoms are
severe enough that we need to treat

the symptomology so that her body can
be strong enough to fight the virus."

Yeah.

I mean, I mean- I mean, I'm not, I'm not
a doctor by any means, but it seems like

that kinda should have been what happened.

It seemed, seemed like what it was.

Well, I mean, we did come to that
conclusion because- Yeah â¦ what

had happened, and this really
s- sparked some events here.

So they took me off the, the fluids,
and I don't know at what point, 'cause

I was laying down while I was getting
these fluids 'cause I was so tired.

I mean- Mm-hmm â¦ I, I'm drained.

I'm exhausted.

Yeah.

And honestly, my brain is not
firing at 100% at this point.

Well, yeah.

'Cause like I'm, I'm just not with it.

Yeah.

Um- Well, I sit up and I just
have this, like, gut-wrenchingâ¦

And I mean, I mean, I holler out.

I keel over, hold my
stuff, holler out in pain.

And then they're like, "Oh,
maybe you should go to the ER.

Should we call an ambulance?"

Oh, goodness.

I'm like, I'm like, "Um, my dad's here.

He'll give me a ride."

Like, "Are you sure?"

I'm like, "Yeah, he'll,
he'll give me a ride."

And so I get up and I start to stroll,
and they're like, "Are you gonna make it?"

I'm like, "Yeah, I, I'll make it.

I'll make it to the truck."

So I got in my dad's truck, and my
dad, love him, he was just like,

"Well, we're, we're not going to St.

Mary's," 'cause that's
where I went before.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm not- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I w- Yep â¦ and I'm just gonna go
ahead, before I go any further, St.

Mary's, um, this, the second
time though when I got there,

they treated me very well.

So I wanna go ahead and put that out
there- Yeah â¦ 'cause I know there's-

Yeah â¦ and that could be taken out.

Whatever you wanna do.

Yeah.

I'm good with it.

I'm outside.

We'll leave it.

Yep.

Okay.

So, um, but he's like,
"We're not stopping there.

We're gonna go on the Conway."

And I just, I'm, I'm in the seat and
I was like, "Dad, I can't make it.

Like, I will not make it.

I'm in too much pain."

Yeah.

So he takes me just down the road,
we go to the ER, and at this point

I feel like I'm about to pass out.

Mm.

And I don't think I was sitting
in the ER very, very long.

Um, I think I went into the trial-
triage part where they- Mm-hmm â¦ take

your blood pressure and do all this.

And I remember as they took
my blood pressure, it was like

70-something over 40-something.

Oof.

That's low.

And my heart rate was like 200-something.

Mm.

And I remember- That's high â¦ I
was like, "That's not good."

No.

And then I got to this point
like, "I'm about to go out."

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So if you've hung along this long,
uh, so let me go ahead and give

you this diagnosis that I have.

So my diagnosis ended up being toxic shock
syndrome- â¦ going into septic shock.

Oh, no.

And, um, it was not, you know, a
lot of p- people hear toxic shock

syndrome, that's from like a tampon.

Actually, no.

Oh.

Uh, this was from a inter-
intrauterine device.

Wow.

Oh my goodness.

That I had actually just got in December.

So itâ¦

I've had it like two months, and
for whatever reason, we still

don't know, and I will never- Yeah

really know this, but-
Yeah â¦ I, I got sick.

Yeah.

Um, I got some s- very bad
bacteria attached to it.

Mm-hmm.

And I was not gonna recover from that.

And it had got to the point that I was
going into septic shock- Mm â¦ in the

ER, which if, you know- That's a big deal.

That's a really, really big deal.

Yes.

I, I mean, like for the, for the
non-healthcare people out there,

that, that is a, that's a big deal.

Mm-hmm.

And I don't know how else to really just
put that in layman's terms, just- So, uh-

â¦ that's serious â¦ if, and once again, I
am one of those people that I went through

this, and you do go through a point of
like some anxiety of like, "How can I

make sure that this doesn't happen again?"

So you do a lot of research.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And I knew some, some about it, because
I mean, before I went in, I, you know,

I told Seth, I'm like, "I feel like
I'm septic," but no one caught it.

Right.

Because my white blood cell count was
not jiving with what was going on.

Right.

Um, but tox- uh, not, septic shock
is whenever you have low blood,

low blood pressure, a high heart
rate, you go into organ failure.

Yep.

And from the different, um- things that
I've seen, like the mortality rate of

this is like 40 to 80% depending on-
Yeah â¦ I guess your comorbidities.

When you catch it and comorbidities
and major comorbidities-

Yes â¦ and stuff like that.

Yeah.

And so just to kinda interject
like the God part in this specific

area, I very well could have went
into shock alone in my house.

Yeah.

And I would have, I would have
fallen asleep and just died.

Yeah.

And that's what would've happened,
and no one would've known until my

husband got off shift the next day.

Yeah.

I mean, that's honestly
what would've happened.

So God was there- Yeah â¦ in this.

Now it, it was a horrible experience,
um, having to go through that and

it was very painful, but I can see
where he was at work even in that.

Yeah.

So, uh, finally I'm in the ER
and I'm finally getting treated,

and I had this nurse, and I don't
know her name, bless her, sheâ¦

I think her job was just
basically the puppy guard to

make sure I didn't like die.

And I think- Okay â¦ that was her
job, was to- Yeah â¦ sit there and

just make sure I just stayed conscious.

Okay.

And I just remember telling her over and
over, I was like, "Thank you so much.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for helping me."

I like, that was- Mm-hmm â¦ all
I said on repeat this whole time.

And

As sick as I was and as thankful as
I was for getting the help, I don't

think I even realized still- Mm-hmm

how severe the situation was- Mm-hmm.

Right â¦ until later.

And I don't, I don't know if people
were just guarding me from that or

they were just all in their own little
bubbles, but like this was a let's call

all the family, get them in, 'cause
we don't know if she's gonna make it.

And so they're calling my
mom, they're calling, uh, my

husband that is in Little Rock.

He had just taken another patient
to Little Rock, so he's trying

to get back to where I am.

Yeah.

And they're, they're calling, like the-
Did he run code back from Little Rock?

He, he didn't run lights and sirens or
anything, but he did drive really fast.

But people tend to get out of
the way of an ambulance, yeah.

I mean, yeah.

I mean, I don't know exactly how fast.

We'll just leave it at that,
but I know he- â¦ he was there.

I'm just saying, I- my husband's
a cop, and I know how it can

be especially if he's in the
squad car, he gets very tempted.

He doesn't always turn on the lights.

Most times he doesn't, but he gets very
tempted to turn on lights and go around

some people and get people out of his way
when they're just being people, you know?

From what he's told me, his partner
offered to drive back 'cause like-

Mm-hmm â¦ oh, you know, if you're likeâ¦

He's like, "No, I'm getting there."

Yeah.

He's like, "I wanna get there,
and I'm gonna get there fast."

Yeah.

Exactly.

He's like, "I gotta get there."

So, uh, and they're bringing in my kids
and everything, and I don't know why,

uh, just thinking on it, I just had
it in my mind that I wanted my oldest,

Layla, to pray for me because- Mm-hmm

I wanted that childlike faith- Mm-hmm,
yes â¦ to pray for me in that moment.

Mm-hmm.

So when she got there, I just,
I mean, she was just right

there beside me, and I'm soâ¦

I'm sure she was shocked 'cause I
mean, I've got, I don't even know.

Tubes everywhere.

Yeah.

There's a lot of stuff going on.

Yeah.

And I'm just like- And she's seven.

She's seven.

Yeah.

She just turned seven.

And I just remember, I was like,
"Baby," I was like, "Can you

pray for Mama to get better?"

And And I know she did in her little
prayer- Mm-hmm â¦ of a seven-year-old.

Yeah.

You know, real short, but,
like, that helped me out a lot.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause in my mind, despite all this,
I mean, in my mind, I didn't thinkâ¦

I was just not scared of dying.

Yeah.

Right.

I really just fully believed
that I was gonna be better.

I didn't know.

I just, I already had that.

Yeah.

So, uh, this, so I was put
into, uh, the ICU there at St.

Mary's, and I've got this insider
information a little bit from my

cousin that was employed there, that,
uh, the doctors told the staff when

they did rounding that I was the most
critical patient in the hospital.

Yeah.

Like, I was the one- Yeah â¦ they
need to keep an eye on.

And the goal was to get me transferred
out to higher level of care.

Mm-hmm.

So, um, eventually, I th- I don't know
how many days that I was there because

this was fully with the pain medication.

Yeah.

You're out of it.

I- You don't know.

I'm out of it.

I, I'm having hallucinations.

Yeah.

I'm not fully aware of anything,
and- I mean, listen, you're in ICU.

You're not supposed to know.

Yeah, no.

You're not supposed to be held to
what day is it, all the things.

No.

'Cause I really did not know, but
I know we're, we were venturing

into early March at this point.

Um, so- They had arranged
for me to be med-flighted.

And I know that, like, my husband,
they asked him like, "Do you

want, uh, her to go by ambulance
or do you wanna med-flight her?"

Yeah.

And he goes, "Oh, we're flying her out."

He goes, "I have traveled
with people to-" Mm-hmm.

"â¦ Little Rock."

He goes, "The, the roads are terrible.

It's reallyâ¦"

I s- he's like, "She's in too much pain.

She's not gonna be able
to tolerate-" Yeah.

"â¦ going in an ambulance."

Yeah.

So they decided to med-flight me, which
is, that's a whole nother experience.

And I can hear them talking about me.

And, and I'm not, I'm not
offended by that at all.

Yeah.

I'm like, but I can hear them
talking about, like, the, how they're

gonna check the vitals, and then
it's gonna be a 20-minute flight.

I'm like, okay, 20 minutes.

And they said that every five
minutes my blood pressure

cuff was supposed to go off.

I'm like, okay, four counts of that.

Yeah.

And I'm gonna be able to track where I am.

Um, and being in that
helicopter, it was so tiny.

I was like, I've joked with my husband,
like, "I'm pretty sure I could've, like,

kicked my foot over and hit the control."

It was like, it was
right there by my feet.

Like, um- Mm-hmm â¦ they probably didn't
smell all that great either, so Yeah.

But anyways, I'm, like, counting
'cause this is, even though it

was quick and I'm very thankful
for that, it was very painful.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause it's not a comfortable
situation- No â¦ at all.

No, and it's not designed
for that at all either.

No, it's not.

It's emergency- It's speed â¦ like, get
you there- Mm-hmm â¦ get you quickly.

So I'm, I am count- I'm
like, okay, there was one.

I can make it, I can make it to another.

And, you know- Yeah â¦ I finally
get to, uh, uh, we ended up at St.

Vincent's.

Mm-hmm.

And I would be there, I believe, like
10 days- Mm â¦ um, being treated, and

they're just kinda going over all of this,
like, you know, this is what happened.

First they had to figure
out what happened.

Yeah.

Like, how did, uh, how did you get this?

And- Yeah â¦ I'm like, and I'm
asking, "How did this happen?"

And they're like, "We,
we really don't know.

Um, you had, like, a 0% chance,
like risk of this happening."

Like, this is, uh, less common
than, like, a lightning strike,

that this should not have happened.

Wow.

And, you know, you get
to thinking about it.

I was, you know, this is
really an attack on my life.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Um, and there would be, like,
another instance that would happen,

and I just kind of felt like,
I'm like, man, like the, like

the devil's really out to get me.

I was like- Yeah â¦ I feel
like I had a target on my back.

Like- Mm-hmm.

Yeah â¦ I really feel
like, you know- Yeah

And so eventually they get to
the point where I can go home,

and I go home and I make it a day
and I start getting sick again.

Start running fever again, go back
to Little Rock, and I end up having,

uh, an abscess behind my uterus.

Hmm.

Oh my gosh.

So this is another hospital stay.

Uh-huh.

And I had one of those
like drain tube things.

Mm-hmm.

And with theâ¦

Where it was, they had to go like through
like my back instead of the front.

Mm-hmm.

So I, I called it my tail because
that's what it looked like.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

That's literally, if you could imagine a
person with a tail, that's what I had- Mm

uh, with this drain tube that was
supposed to suck out this, uh, infection.

Now, if you also think about
where a tail is, you think

about all the spinal nerves- Mm.

Uh-huh â¦ that are there.

Yeah.

And I've treated people that have had
these- Yeah â¦ going to, and I've t-

I've had, I've treated people since then.

Mm-hmm.

I've never had anyone really complain of
it being painful before or even after.

Mm-hmm.

So the only thing I can think is, I
had a lot of pain with this, and it

had to have been sitting on a nerve.

Yeah.

To the point, so I, I don't remember
how many days I was in the hospital the

second time, but I know there I, that I
was several days there, and I was in a lot

of pain, and I couldn't lay on my back.

Right.

I had to stay on my side the
whole time because I couldn't

tolerate laying on my back.

And that was, uh, an issue because
they wanted to be able to send me

home, but I had to have a PICC line,
and- Okay â¦ they initially told me

that to have a PICC line, I would have
to lay on my back for the procedure.

And I said, "I can't."

And I see your face.

Yeah.

That's, I, uh-huh.

Sorry.

I'm just like, "Mm."

Uh-huh, because after being there
a week, then they decide that,

"Oh no, you can do it side-lying."

Yeah.

And I'm like, "I could've
went home a week ago."

Exactly.

I'm just like, "What?"

But- And so this part, so the
first hospital stay, honestly,

I was doing pretty well.

Mm-hmm.

Um, like emotionally.

Yeah.

The second hospital stay, I,
I've hit this depression phase.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I am tired of being sick.

Yeah.

All I want, I'm, I'm missing my kids.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

This whole time, I got to see m-
they came to see me a little bit

in Russellville when I was there.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and they came, and I got
to see them when that 24-hour

period that I got to come home.

Yeah.

But- But you were sick.

But I was sick.

Yeah.

And I really, I mean, I wasn't being
mom at that point- Yeah â¦ for sure.

Right.

Not, you know.

Yeah.

But I'm, I'm just ready to be home.

Mm-hmm.

I'm ready to not be sick.

I mean, I was- Yeah â¦ in the hospital,
it was a total of three weeks, I know.

Um, and I, I remember just telling p-
I was like, "Just do whatever you gotta

do to get me home that I don't die."

Like, I just- Yeah â¦ wanna go home.

Like, whatever you do.

I wanna go home and get well.

So, and I, I have patients all the
time, 'cause I work in a nursing home,

and I, I- Yeah â¦ my goal is for
people to get strong enough to go home.

Yeah.

And I tell, I was like,
"I get that you're ready."

But I was like, "I know."

I was like, "I've been there.

I, I know how it feels."

Mm-hmm.

I was like, "But we've gotta do
whatever you gotta do to get stronger."

Mm-hmm.

Right.

But I've had to, I mean, I've
had to live that out myself.

Mm-hmm.

So eventually, I did get to go home, and
then that was a- another thing that at

this point Just dealing with the fear
and anxiety because I've gone to the

hospital twice and I've got a PICC line.

But I guess with septic shock, and
I've kind of looked at this too, like

there is this tendency to have, uh

PTSD with it.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I kinda went through this phase
of hospitals made me anxious.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Going to Little Rock, just being
in that direction gave me anxiety.

Wow.

Yeah.

I used to have absolutely no trouble
with getting shots or anything.

Um, after being in the hospital and being
stuck a lot, I had trouble with that.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

'Cause, uh, while I was there, I mean,
I had so many CT scans and, you- I mean,

they're always coming in and drawing
blood and the testing- Yeah â¦ and

it's just- Yep â¦ a continuous thing,
and they're all doing their job, and

it was just a lot of pain with it.

And then you just have this fear
of like, will this happen again?

Like, will- Did they still not know what
happened at this point when you went home?

I think that they had determined
that it was the, the IUD.

Mm-hmm.

But they don't know why.

Mm-hmm.

And so with that, um, I mean, I'm 31,
and they were like, "You also cannot use

any kind of like tampons or anything,
like inserted inside of you- Wow.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, 'cause- â¦ because of the high risk
that you could get another infection."

A re- yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Um, now I've already had
three kids at this point, so-

Yeah â¦ I'm, I'm like, "Okay."

So you're like, "Can you just take
out my uterus so I don't have to

worry about any of the other stuff?"

Yes.

So, uh- How about that?

that, yeah.

So they did, uh, go
ahead and plan that out.

But, uh, talking with them, like, "We
really need to give you some time to

kinda heal up and recover from that."

Mm-hmm.

So, uh, I think my, I ended up getting
out and staying out of the hospital

in like April, and then I would end
up having a hysterectomy in August.

Yeah.

But and kinda going back, you know, I
was talking about how I really felt like

the enemy was really trying to kill me.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

That's his goal.

Well, so got out of the hospital, and I
went back to work either the end of April

or early May, and I, I did home health,
so I traveled a lot, and within a month

of me being back to work, I was in a
one-vehicle accident on the interstate- Oh

and totaled my vehicle.

Oh my goodness.

Okay.

Yeah.

You, yeah.

I'm just like, wow.

So- He's not even justâ¦

He's not even being sneaky.

No, at this point, I'm just
like- He's like straight up

like, "No, we need to kill her."

I'm justâ¦

Yeah, that's like, okay.

I'm not trying to be like-
No â¦ insensitive about it, but

it, it just seems so in your face.

I mean, it really did because, so,
um, if this is a sidetrack on that,

what had happened with that, I was
on the interstate- And I was going

to a new person's home address,
and it was in the Clarksville area.

Mm-hmm.

And I wasn't sure, so I was
kinda looking at my GPS trying

to figure out where I'm going.

Yeah.

And I needed to go around a semi.

Um, so when I went to pass the semi, there
was one of those, like, giant water tanks

sitting in the middle of the interstate.

I guess it- Like, it had fallen
off a truck or something?

Yes.

It had fallen off a truck.

Oh my gosh.

And so when I went around
the semi, I'm, I hit it.

Oh, golly.

And so I come out of that wreck, and I
didn't have any injuries to me at all.

Thank God.

So all right, God's
like, "You, you can try.

You're not taking her."

I mean, yeah.

But at this point, and- But also,
you're like, "God, can we just not?"

Can we, like, stop?

Can we just, just stop
it before it happens?

So now, like, now I have anxiety
driving on the interstate both

directions, over the Little Rock Bridge.

No.

It was so bad.

Stuck in the River Valley.

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Yeah.

So I had that, and, you know, this is
whenever I'm really kinda contemplating

and going through and working through
the emotional and spiritual kinda

aspect of all this that I went through.

Yeah.

'Cause, you know, in the moment, I'm
just, it's just, it's all physical.

I feel terrible

And I've got that, um, depression
part- Mm-hmm â¦ which I am home,

but even when I came home, like
just the- Yeah â¦ just the feeling

of like, I'm not strong enough-
Mm-hmm â¦ to take care of my kids.

Yeah.

I'm not strong enough
to, like, run the house.

Yeah.

Right.

Um, and I don't know
about y'all, but, likeâ¦

And I love my husband, and he will
come and clean and work, but, you

know, they never just do it quite
like the way you want it done.

Nope.

Never ever.

I'm gonna be quiet on that one.

Be quiet on that one.

But he does a good job.

But, like, whenever you can't do
it yourself, 'cause sometimes you

do just like, "I just need to get
this done the way I want it done."

Mm-hmm.

But I'm too sick to do that.

I'm too weak.

And my one-and-a-half-year-old, I mean,
I'm not even allowed to pick her up.

Oh.

You know?

Yeah.

And all she wants is just mom.

To be held.

Yeah.

She's missed mom this whole time,
and- And at this- Yeah â¦ so, and

Seth's still having to work because
I'm not, I mean, I'm not working.

Yeah, you can't work.

Yeah.

I mean, I eventually get back
to it, but I mean, we've got a

lot of medical bills coming in.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

Yeah.

Those aren't going anywhere.

Nope.

So, uh, my seven-year-old, she
really had to step up, and my niece

and my, uh, all, all my family,
they, they really, they stepped up.

I mean, my kids were raised by them.

Mm.

Yeah.

So, but, uh, Layla, my seven-year-old,
I mean, she had to learn like,

"Okay, I need you to, like, pick
Lily up," my, my youngest, like, help

her to sit on the toilet 'cause we
gotta potty train, and help- Yeah

get them, get- Yeah â¦ her
and my son that wasâ¦

Oh, I think he was three or four.

I mean, had to get him in and
out of the bathtub and, like-

Yeah â¦ do all these things.

And there for a good while, I did
have somebody come in at night and

just kinda sit with me, make sure,
like, the kids got fed and, you know.

Yeah.

But it's st- y- you know, 'cause one
of the things that, like, Seth offered,

he goes, "You know, our, our parents
would keep them while you're home."

I was like, "No, I want my babies."

Yeah.

I was like, "I've been
away from my babies too."

I've been away from them.

Yeah.

I was like, "I want them here.

Like, I miss them."

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You know, even if they were- Like,
will your parents come and sit with

them here and let me, you know?

I mean, they came and stayed a lot.

Yeah.

And my niece did too, and she, uh,
I think she was 17 at the time, and

she- Oh â¦ yeah, she was amazing.

Um-

I may have to pause.

It's okay.

That's okay.

It's nice to have- Totally fine

that type of family that will
just step in and do what- See-

Yeah â¦ I, I have a, a tribe.

I mean, I couldn't do my, my
three kids and all the things

that I was doing without them.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

They are amazing.

So I was kinda going, I guess let's go
back to, like, that spiritual kinda-

Yeah â¦ dealing with that part of it.

So I was dealing with this anxiety,
and I was dealing with this depression,

and I was dealing with this feeling
of, I mean, everything that I kind

of identified by- Mm-hmm â¦ like
even all the stuff I listed off to

you when I first introduced myself-
Yeah â¦ that was really stripped away.

Yeah.

Because I mean, yes, I still had my
husband, but I was not in that wife role.

Yeah.

Right.

I had my kids.

I w- I mean, I did not lose my children,
but I was not able to really be their mom.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

And I went from being the person
that treated people and helping

people to being the patient.

Yeah.

Right.

And so that kinda just brought
me to this idea, like, Satan will

try to take absolutely everything,
but the one thing that he cannot

take is that I'm a child of God.

Right.

Yep.

He cannot take that bond
that I have- Mm-hmm.

Right â¦ with the Lord, and- You know,
as I said earlier, this was not like meâ¦

This was not a moment of, like,
God trying to push me to get saved.

No.

I was already saved.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Like, I, I, I mean, if I, if that was
the end, I know I would've made heaven.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

But this was the enemy trying to take
my life and to take everything from

me, but God turned it into a season
where I drew really close to him.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Always backs- backfires on him.

Yeah.

It, it, it turned around
right in the enemy's face.

Yeah.

I mean, because at this point, I,
I had talked to people about, you

know, like, going to, like, the RSOMs
or the School of Ministry- Mm-hmm

and stuff, but I really
didn't consider it very much.

Yeah.

But at this point I'm like, "Okay.

Well, if the enemy is really trying this
hard to kill me, and God saved me and

pulled me through, and the only reason
that I'm alive is because God healed me

and brought me through this, but I, I
wanna serve him with everything- Mm-hmm

that I got."

Right.

Yeah.

Like, every breath that I
have is giving back to him.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And every day that I live,
I'm giving that back.

Yeah.

So atâ¦

This is whenever I decided I was
gonna go ahead and, uh, go to

the School of Ministry, and I got
my, like, level one credentials-

Mm-hmm â¦ which is kinda likeâ¦

I guess, I guess that puts you,
like, reverend, which I feel like

that's kind of a weird thing.

I would say you can- Remember
the first time- You can marry

and bury with level one.

Yeah.

Mar- Marry and bury â¦ there you go.

Yeah.

And I thought that was so weird.

Then when that letter came, it was
like, "Reverend Haylee Cogger."

I went, "That's weird."

Yeah.

That looks weird.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Like, I don't know about all that.

Yeah.

But I meanâ¦

Hey, but I, I just learned
so much in all of that.

Okay.

So before, um, before all of this
happened, um, this was like the

Sunday before that, uh, Tuesday
and Wednesday that I kinda- Started

feeling bad â¦ started getting sick.

I remember we, we were at the
end of church service, and we've

already done the altar call, and I
just had this feeling that I just

needed to go to the altars and pray.

Mm-hmm.

And so I was like, "Okay, well,
whatever this is, I wanna go."

So I just got down the altar.

I was like, "I don't, I don't
know what's going on, but I feel

like I need to be here and pray."

And just the Holy Spirit
just moved on me so strong.

I mean, I just kinda just fell out
in the Spirit, and I was just crying

out in, in my prayer language.

And, um, one of the ladies at the church,
she came and she was praying with me, and

she placed her hand over my stomach as she
was praying, which, you know, at that time

I didn't really think too much about it.

Mm-hmm.

But in hindsight- Mm-hmm â¦ knowing
what was going on, it just had

not had the symptoms appear yet.

Right.

I mean, I was s- I had
the infection there.

Right.

It just had not made itself known.

So I just really felt like that
was God preparing me- Yeah.

Mm-hmm â¦ for what was about to happen.

Yeah.

Because, and I don't know about y'all,
but, like, any time I miss a church

service, like, I, I don't know, I feel
like I get, like, really spiritually down.

So I'm about to be, like,
a couple months- Yeah.

Yeah â¦ out of church.

Before you know, yeah.

And I mean, that was really
God, like, okay, He, He knew

what was about to happen.

Let's pour in a lot.

Be like, we're gonna pour in a
whole lot- Mm-hmm â¦ into this.

Yeah.

And, uh, that can even get into kind of
the aspect of how God, uh, works and,

you know, His all-knowing and what Heâ¦

or what He knew that I needed.

Yeah.

Right.

So let's- Well, also your obedience to
that still, quiet voice of- Yeah â¦ "Go

down there and pray a little more."

Yeah.

"Go pray."

And I will say now that after I've been
through this, um, and, uh, just drawingâ¦

'Cause in this whole experience,
I did draw closer to Him.

I'm, I'm better about that now than
it was then, but I did, I mean, I

felt that, like I needed to go pray.

Um, but kinda going back to
how God kinda works things out.

Mm-hmm.

So I, before â¦ Let's
go on way back a little.

So I had, um, my son, and I had
always kinda thought, like I mightâ¦

I didn't know how m- how many
children I wanted to have necessarily.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

But I kinda thought like,
uh, two, three, you know.

Yeah.

Something like that.

Well, I had my two, and I was like, "Okay,
I f- I feel like I'm done," kinda deal.

Mm-hmm.

And, um, when my son, Caleb, turned
a year old, that was when I found

out that I was pregnant with Lily.

Mm-hmm.

And I went through this whole phase of
like, "Oh, no, what am I going to do?

I'm going to have two under two."

"And I don't know- Mm-hmm â¦ if
I can handle that."

Yeah.

And I was really stressed out
by that, and I didn't quite

understand the timing of it.

'Cause if I was gonna time it out, I,
I would've waited three or four years.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But God, knowing all this, knew
what would probably happen.

Yeah.

Because at that year point, um, I
had been, I had, uh, was nursing

my son, and so that would've been
the time that I probably would've

went to get that birth control- Yeah

and get that IUD.

Mm-hmm.

And that probably would've happened then,
and I never would've gotten my daughter.

Right.

I mean, he worked that out.

He knew that I, I needed to have her.

Yeah.

And so I always s- even before,
I was like, I mean, she,

uh, she was planned by God.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yep.

And he knew, and I really feel
like that if I'd went through that

and then would've had to have the
hysterectomy, I f- I feel like I

would've felt like I was missing out.

Yeah.

Right.

Like, I could have had- You would've
ha- grieved a child that you- Never

had, yeah Yes â¦ never got to have.

Yeah.

Uh, so, you know, with this and having
my third, I was like, "No, I'm, I'm good.

I'm, I'm good with biological children."

Yeah.

Yep.

It was like, and my body's been
through a lot, let's not do anymore.

Yeah.

But, uh, he worked that out, too,
so that's just showing in, you know,

he's sovereign, he's all-knowing.

He knew what I needed even when
I didn't know what I needed.

Yes.

Yeah.

Every little detail- Yes â¦ of our lives.

For sure.

Yes, absolutely.

And, uh- All those details.

Yeah.

All those details.

Oh, and thinking on this, so
I'm, I'm all over the place,

and that's how I live my life.

Oh, no.

So sporadic.

I think it's great.

So I had talked about earlier, you know,
my husband having to work to, with the

medical bills- Mm-hmm â¦ to get those
paid, 'cause we had those coming in.

Yeah.

And we, I, I mean, we're
your average family.

Like, we- Right â¦ we pay the bills,
but I w- I won't say- Mm-hmm â¦ we

have, like, a whole bunch of money
in savings or anything like that.

Yeah.

We got through the end of that year, and
we didn't have a single medical bill-

Wow â¦ that was not- Wow â¦ paid.

Wow.

It was all paid.

And- That, that right
there makes you a believer.

Uh-huh.

I was like, I, I- You know?

â¦ I'm just gonna throwâ¦

'Cause that, I mean, you're- A
helicopter ride is not cheap.

No.

You know?

That's $50,000.

Exactly.

Yes.

Exactly.

That, um- He's faithful.

He's faithful to us.

Yes, he is.

Absolutely.

So all that was taken care of, and a
lot of that is, you know, there was

people that helped us out and, uhâ¦

Oh, let me talk on that a little bit,
just kinda learning in that experience.

So I was in the hospital, and
I am, I am still at this point

kinda covering and making sure the
bills gets paid, 'cause- Mm-hmm

uh, my husband's strong suit is not- math.

But you were the one that
usually did the math.

Yeah, and I, and I am that type A
person, so I kinda- You want to, yeah.

Yeah, I want to- Like, I know
if I do this- I wanna know

it's done â¦ I know it's done.

Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, I- it's taken care of.

I know it's done.

Mm-hmm.

And we're looking at this, and my mom
is the one, she's like, "Haylee, why

don't you do this, uh, like a GoFundMe?

'Cause you're in-
Mm-hmm â¦ this situation.

You, you know- Yeah â¦ get someâ¦

There's people wanting to help."

And I was just like, "I don't know.

I don't know if I want
to do that," you know?

Yeah.

I don't wanna, I don't wanna be
asking for, like, a handout or

anything- Yeah â¦ like that.

And my mom's like, "Just, just think
about it, pray about it, 'cause there's

people that's wanting to help you."

Yeah.

So it was in that moment, I really had
to learn a lesson about being humble.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And it's okay that you need help.

Mm-hmm.

And I feel like in the US, we
are so ingrained into us that you

have to be independent and you
have to do everything on your own.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

And you gotta figure it out all on your
own, and that's really not helpful.

But also be generous and help people.

Yeah.

Like, we, we expect ourselves to
help others when they need help,

but- Yes â¦ then when we need help,
we're not allowed to ask for it.

Exa- Yeah.

Yes.

No, I, I mean, I've been
in that point in life.

Yeah.

I wanted to help people, and I
have- Yeah â¦ I've had my season

of where I was able to help- Mm-hmm

others.

Yeah.

I was like, "This is the season
that you need to learn how to

be helped and to accept that."

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And- Yeah â¦ I remember
talking- That's a hard season.

That, that is hard.

It's a hard lesson to learn.

That's a hard pill to swallow.

Yep.

Uh, and I remember t- when I, you
know, I was talking about it with Seth.

He goes, "No, we're not
d-" I was like, "Listen."

I was like, "Thisâ¦"

I was like, "If we want to
offer up help to people, and

we've been in that position.

They're like, 'No, we
don't want your help.'"

I was like, "No, we want to help you."

Yeah.

You know?

We want to do our part.

I was like, "We need to also
be able to accept that help."

Yeah.

And so- Well, and it, I mean, I
don't know, it provides, it provides

people with an opportunity to be
obedient when God tells them- Get

blessed themselves â¦ to help, and
then they receive a blessing as well.

So.

Yeah.

You know, 'cause if people, if God's
telling them, "You need to help the

Cochrans," and then they go to help
the Cochrans and the Cochrans are

like, "No, we won't do it," what- Yeah

what do they do then?

Yeah.

You've robbed somebody of their blessing.

It, yeah, there you go.

Absolutely.

So that was another one of those great
lessons I got to learn and overcome.

Yeah.

Just talking about how not only did
people help financially, but this

is something that I did not learn
about until, like, several months

after, uh, being in the hospital.

So I guess that night that I went
into the hospital, um, my, myâ¦

I think my mother-in-law was the one
that really kind of spearheaded it.

Maybe, I don't- I'm not entirely sure,
uh, since how much details I have on this.

Yeah.

But, uh- They're like,
"You don't need to know."

Well, there was, uh, they called for
a prayer meeting at the church that

we were attending to, and they said
there was so many people that came

to show up to go to war for me- Oh

and to pray for my healing, and they
didn't- That's awesome â¦ know who I was.

That's awesome.

I, I know, and I was just like, "Wow."

And then, like, later on I'll, I'll
see people and they're like, "Oh, hey.

Yeah, I prayed for you."

I'm like, "Well, thank you."

I was like, "I don't know who
you are, but thank you so much."

Yeah, exactly.

I was like, "I appreciate it.

I'm here."

Yeah.

Uh, even, even last night I had someone
c- uh, they see me, was like, "I

haven't seen you in a, in a long time.

Are you okay?"

I'm like, "Yeah."

You're like- It's, it's been a few years.

I'm here.

I'm good.

Yeah.

They're- Made it.

I was like, I just, you know,
like to make things interesting

every once in a while, you know?

Yeah.

You know.

But I mean, that's just
showing the church and- Yes.

Right â¦ what the
church is supposed to do.

Yeah, the purpose.

We're supposed to go to war for each
other and really pray for each other.

And I mean, I am, I'm the one
that, like, I'll see on Facebook

and, you know, like, "Pray for
this," and like, "Okay, I'll stop.

I'll pray and I'll comment prayers."

But like this, this was different.

Right.

It- They came and they sure
enough had a prayer meeting.

They interceded.

Yeah.

Then they did, they did that for
someone they didn't even know.

Like, they just did it
because, like, she needs help.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

It was like this mom of three,
she's fighting for her life,

and we need to pray for her.

Yeah.

So.

That's incredible.

I know.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

I'm just really thankful that we justâ¦

And I, I feel like our
community is so good about that.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we live in a good- We, we live
in a good community â¦ we really do.

Yeah.

So I'm just trying to think
if I hit on all those things

that, you know, how God worked.

I mean, He just provided for
us in so many different ways,

and I mean, He healed my body.

And the, I guess the big takeaway is,
like, I mean, it was, it was a lot.

Mm-hmm.

That was a really hard
experience to go through.

But- You know, I wouldn't trade it.

That's what a lot of people say-
Yeah â¦ when they sit here.

Yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't trade it for
anything because I really got to

see how much he loves me- Mm-hmm.

And how much he cares for me,
and even in the smallest details.

Yeah.

You know, and he's such a big God that
you don't- Yeah â¦ think that he's

gonna be involved- Yeah â¦ in all those
tiny little details, but like- Yeah

he's just so interwoven in every
aspect of this, and like you

think about that, like he's inâ¦

You know, this was a, a big deal,
but he's in our lives interwoven

like that in every aspect.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

And we don't know how many times
like just, like just driving on

the road, how many times has God
kept us from an accident- Mm-hmm

or something?

Yeah.

The, the could have, the could've beens
that we never even know about- Right

â¦ because he protected us from that.

Right.

Yeah.

But I mean, in that too, 'cause there's
some people who are like, "Well,

I mean, if he's such a good God,
why didn't he keep you from this?"

Right.

Yeah.

But, you know, I think about,
like, like my children.

My children will go and run and play
and do all the things they wanna do,

but when something seems a little scary-
Mm-hmm â¦ they come and they cling to me.

Right.

And there's times that God is like,
"You need to come and cling to me."

Mm-hmm.

"You need to draw close to me."

And he just wants to show us his heart.

I mean, he brought me through this, and
he loved me in every single aspect of it.

Yeah.

You know?

A- and as parents, with our
kids, we don't wanna protect

our kids from every hard thing.

No.

And sometimes the things that are
the scariest, like, thinking about

it from, like, a parent's point of
view, when, when you can see the

outcome, like, you know the end.

You know that at the end of
this, they're gonna have grown.

They're gonna have pushed through
whatever it is, you know, and, and you're

like, "Okay, and you can rely on me.

I'm here.

You can ask the questions.

You can do whatever.

I can help you with it, but you
are the one that has to do it."

You know?

And they do come to you.

It's, it's a lesson learned,
and you know they're safe.

Right.

Because what if they, what if you
did protect them from everything?

Exactly.

So, I mean, that'sâ¦

And, and I guess that's kind of
a hard one to explain, but, like,

even going back to that verse,
like, um- Mm-hmm â¦ that I shared.

I mean, we are grateful for
the trials that we go through.

Mm-hmm.

It draws us closer to Him,
and, um, it just, it purifies.

Mm-hmm.

W- Also, I'm, I'm constantly
amazed about how evenâ¦

No matter how close you
are with God, there's more.

Yes.

Yeah.

You know, you can be closer.

And so even though you might have been
in a situation where if somebody asks

you, you know, like, "How close are you?"

"Oh, I'mâ¦

We're tight," you know?

Um- But I think that's why-

after this- Yeah, that's why- â¦ even
more â¦ Satan hates us so much,

because he was in that position.

Yeah.

And he, he walked in the
presence all the time.

Oh, yeah.

And then- He can't do that anymore.

Exactly.

And, uh, uh, my kids always askâ¦

I don't know.

My kids always ask random questions.

Mm-hmm.

They're just like- Yep

"Well, why did Satan do that, and whyâ¦

You know, we have forgiveness, but why
doesn't Satan have that forgiveness?"

I'm like, "Well, Satan
was up there with God."

Mm-hmm.

"In hisâ¦

Like, he got to see it.

We, we haven't.

We have not got to see that."

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

I'm like, "How can you be
in God's presence and still

turn to pride like that?"

It is mind-boggling.

Yeah.

And I've, you know, askedâ¦

I know it's not the Satan who harasses
me from time to time, but I've

said out loud, "How does that feel
that I get all the chances I want?"

Like, when I mess up, I
can ask for forgiveness.

Kerrye pokes the bear.

Yep.

But you can't anymore, you know?

And, you know, and then he took all the
shots that he could at me and that, you

know, I, I- And it just made you stronger.

It just made me stronger.

In the faith.

And it just made me draw closer to
him and made me love him even more,

and I'm- That ticked him smooth off.

Yeah.

That makes me happy.

Oh, yeah.

And, and I've been able to ch- uh,
you know, talk to people that, uh,

in a totally different way, like
that's in a place- Yeah â¦ of hurt.

Mm-hmm.

Or in a place that they're
waiting on their healing.

Yeah.

Or someone that's dealing with anxiety.

Uh, I mean, I had this whole moment,
um, uh, in that summer, I would say,

that there was one day, 'cause I, I was
just, I was really tired of being afraid.

Mm-hmm.

And my niece, she got
up and she sang a song.

Uh, and I can't remember exactly
what it was called, but, uh, there's

a, a part of it, uh, uh, about, um-

But basically you just speak to
the mountain and, um, you know,

slaying those giants and things.

Yeah.

And I can't think of what
it's called right now.

But I remember I went up and I was
just like, "I'm slaying this giant-

Mm-hmm â¦ of anxiety in my life today."

Yeah.

It's like, "I'm done."

I was like, "God's delivered me from
this, and I'm, I'm not gonna let

this fear bully me around anymore."

Yeah.

And so it was at that point that
anytime I felt that anxiety start

to creep up, I'm like, "No," like,
"You've already been slayed."

Yeah.

"And you have to lay back down-
Mm-hmm â¦ in Jesus' name."

Yeah.

Like, "You're not coming back up- Yeah
â¦ and you're not bothering me anymore."

And did it go?

Like, yeah, yeah, it would.

And that's something that I've, uh,
kind of learned, uh, e- even like

just in your normal thinking, like
your train of thoughts, like yourâ¦

My, I don't know, my mind will
tend to spiral on these random-

Yes â¦ hypothetical situations.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm, yep.

And then as soon as I catch
it, I'm like, "Hold up.

No.

In Jesus' name, stop
speaking to me, fear."

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And it goes instant- uh, like, the
first few times I d- I did that,

I was like, "Wow, that worked."

Yeah.

It does.

It really worked.

It really does.

Yeah.

Like, it really left.

Yeah.

You know, that was, like, amazing to me.

But, um, and when I talk
about anxiety, like I hadâ¦

And I don't know if it was because
of, like, the medications and stuff

like that, like I would have trouble
with, uh, almost fear of going to

sleep, especially if I was by myself.

Mm-hmm.

Because when I would wake up, I would
have this, uh, anxiety attack type of

reaction to where- Okay â¦ like I would
start to hyperventilate and my heart

would race nearly every single time.

And I don't know, I guess
it was a med- I don't know.

I don't know- Yeah â¦ what it was,
but it was- It was demonic, yeah.

It, it was, uh- I mean, it was,
it would just overcome you, and I

would try to explain it to doctors,
and I, I knew they looked at me

like, "Well, you, okay, whatever.

You're kinda crazy."

Until one day, one of the doctors
came in to check on me, and they woke

me up, and it happened in front of
them, and they're like, "Oh, okay."

And then they started doing tests,
and they never found anything-

Yeah â¦ necessarily wrong, but, um,
you know- But they got to see it.

They got to see it.

Yeah.

So they were like, "Okay, n-
maybe you're not just absolutely-

Yes â¦ making that up."

Yeah.

But, uh, that was just part of that,
too, uh, just that fear and anxiety.

Yeah.

And so I've been able to talk to
people about fear and anxiety 'cause,

I mean, I still served as youth pastor
for a while, and that's something

that you deal with with teenagers.

Oh, yeah.

100%.

A lot.

And, um- Yeah â¦ I've kind of
joked, even, even Seth told me

before he came in, he goes, "Try
not to be, like, too awkward.

You're gonna do great,
but don't be too awkward."

I'm like, "That's who I am."

Seth.

Seth, you need to come on here.

Oh my goodness.

I don't know if he would or not, but,
uh- We'll, we'll talk him into it.

There you go.

But anyways, I'm like, that's just
kinda part of that and just, I was

like, I know how to talk to people
about bringing those, that fear

and anxiety, even that depression.

Yeah.

'Cause I've had, you know- You've
had to deal with it â¦ I've had

to minister to people about that.

Yeah.

And I have a real eye-opening
experience- Mm-hmm â¦ because

I, I walked through that.

Right.

And I wouldn't have been able
to do that- No â¦ before.

Mm-mm.

And I can talk about how
God really does provide.

Mm-hmm.

Because He really did
provide in those times.

Like- Yeah â¦ I mean-
Yeah â¦ there's a lot of people

that go bankrupt from medical bills.

Yeah.

Yep.

That's, that happens.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And, uh, I mean, I can say that He really
did heal me and bring me through things

because, I mean, I'm a walking testimony.

Yes, you are.

Yeah.

He is a healing God.

Yeah.

And cares about every aspect of our life.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Every bit of it, and I just trust that
He's, you know, got more in store and, you

know, it's just gonna build from there.

You know, I would, like, you know-
Uh, maybe not have to go through

like a- â¦ complete illness again.

Maybe I'll be like, "You
got my attention, Lord."

Exactly.

We don't have to do it again.

Yeah, yeah.

Can you just have, like, flowers
spring up out of something that

doesn't- â¦ normally have flowers,
and I'll be like, "Oh, there we are.

What are we talking about?"

It's like, what we got.

Well, and I've got to the point, like,
and I'm kind of, uh, I guess in another

chapter, and it's still being written,
so we'll kinda see how that goes.

Uh-huh.

But we're in that season-
Come back anytime.

Yeah.

Yep.

We'll see.

Well, it's gotta be written.

Yeah.

We're still in the middle of it.

But in that of, like, just being obedient
and listening to him, and even though

you don't know why or how or even what
he is doing, that he is doing something,

and it's gonna work out for the good.

Yes.

Always.

Yep, absolutely.

Yeah.

The Lord makes promises, yeah.

Uh, that one's a hard
lesson to- Yeah â¦ sit in.

You know what I mean?

Like- Yeah â¦ it's a, it's a hard lesson
to look back on, but it's especially

hard when you're in the middle of it, and
you don't see where the lesson's going.

You don't see, what am I learning?

Why does it have to be like this?

You know?

Like, really?

Did this- Yeah â¦ happen to happen?

But every- There's an easier way, and
God's like, "Hmm, you don't know."

Yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, even if that, like,
when you have that hindsight, you're

like, "Oh, yeah, it did have to
happen- Exactly â¦ just like that."

But in the middle of it,
you're just like, "Ugh."

And then God does his thing,
and you're like, "Oh, okay."

I think he can give me the script,
God, and I can skip to the end.

That's it.

I want to skip to the end.

I always skip to the
end- â¦ in books and stuff.

Do you really?

She does.

She reads the last page first.

Oh, no.

I do, or the last chapter.

No, you can't.

I justâ¦

I can't.

Uh, it's there.

It's just waiting on me.

She, even with movies, she'll be
like, I will recommend a show or

something, and she'll be like, "Okay."

She'll get, like, half an episode in,
"Hey," uh, we- she did with The West Wing.

I was like, "Watch The West Wing.

It's great."

She's like, "All right."

Half an episode in, maybe
the second episode, she's

like, "This Mandy character-

she goes, right?

Like, we don't have to deal with her?"

And I'm like, "No, we don't
have to deal with her."

She's like, "Okay, I can finish watching."

I gotta know.

She's like, "When does she leave?

I'll just skip to past her."

And I'm like, "Kerrye."

I can't do it.

Well, especially if I'm, if someone
recommends a movie, I'm like- It's

not that I won't watch it, but I just
need to know, is this gonna makeâ¦

Is this a bad ending?

Is this one that I'm gonna be
like- Oh â¦ "Why did Iâ¦"

And then I can prep myself.

"Okay.

Okay, I know."

Get, get ready for it.

I know it's coming.

Yeah.

But God doesn't work that way.

No, he doesn't.

He doesn't.

And any time that he gives you
instructions, they are not a full script.

Usually it's just a short little
blurb and you're like, "Okay,

can I have a little bit more?"

Yeah.

Like, is, is there anything else to that?

Yeah.

And he's just like-
No â¦ "There's just nothing.

No."

No.

It's just like-
Yeah â¦ that's all you get.

No.

You just be obedient with that-
Yeah â¦ and see how it works.

Yeah.

And then I've, I'm getting better
about that too, just, just trusting.

I was like, "Okay, if he said to do
this-" Well, that really built your trust.

That whole thing.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So.

Ah.

That's good.

That's really, really good.

I loved it.

Oh, wow.

I mean, I, I mean, even, you know, I've
heard this testimony of yours before, but

it's even, you know, details I didn'tâ¦

You know, it's like reading the Bible.

Like, when you go over it again,
you're like, you get new revelation

and, like, I thought about different
aspects of God while you were

talking about it the second time.

I'm like, "My goodness, he's just so good.

He's so good."

Uh, and it's one of those, like,
I â¦ And there's â¦ I mean, I can

think back, and there's just so much to
it, and I'm, I'm sure there was probably

some parts that I even missed with it,
but- You should write a little book.

I fe- I feel like probably everyone would
be like, "Okay, we've heard it, Haylee."

No.

Well, like I said- â¦ like, there's
just things- No â¦ you know, that you

would learn again, or you're like, or
it didn't, you know, you're p- Like me,

you know, you told it, I don't know, was
it a month or two ago, to our Called to

Serve group about how even today I'm a
different person because I'm changing

constantly and, uh, going through
different things, and like, there's things

and I'm like, "Ah, I remember hearing her.

That, that makes m- hits more today."

Like- Yeah â¦ 'cause I'm in
a different season, you know?

Yeah.

So that was, it's just- And there's
different parts, like you can

minister to different people- Right.

Yeah â¦ based off those experiences,
and I tell people, I'm like, I

mean, it was just such a big deal,
and I learned so much from that,

so I go back to it a lot- Mm-hmm

because I learned so much in that.

Yeah.

And I mean, there were people that I
even ministered to, I guess somewhat even

in the hospital, because, like, I would
still listen to my Jesus music and- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah â¦ I mean, I was listening
to, and they're like â¦ I mean,

there was one girl, she came in,
she's like, "Are you in here singing?"

I'm like, "Yeah, I'm in here singing.

I'm in the hospital bed
singing my Jesus music."

Yeah.

And I just like I mean- Well, I mean,
you've got all of the nurses, all of the

â¦ I mean, let's, let's just get real.

You've got, like, the environmental
services people that come

in and out and see stuff.

Uh, like, all of the-

The, all of the inner workings of
the hospital, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And they all had an opportunity to
see God's hand- Yeah â¦ work in you.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, even think, oh, so that nurse
that I said that- Mm-hmm â¦ was like,

kind of like the, the puppy guard- Yeah.

Yeah â¦ nurse.

Yeah.

Um, with one of myâ¦

Oh, I'm gonna tell on myself.

Okay.

So the first time I actually got to
go back to church- Uh-huh â¦ after

being so sick, I still had a PICC
line and everything, and I'm real

weak, and I, I tell people, I'm not
just like a touch of Pentecostal.

Like, I'm like- Mm-hmm â¦ full-blown.

Like, I like- Mm-hmm â¦ to,
to, to do all the things.

I get- Yeah â¦ excited.

So what Seth, he was just like,
"Hon, I know you're really

excited to get back to church."

He's like, "But I need
you to like take it easy."

You know?

And I could not.

I was so excited and I was just
shouting and car- you know?

Yeah.

I was just saying and praising the
Lord like- Yeah â¦ "I am here today.

I am alive."

Well, in all that jumping, shouting,
all that, and all that moving

that I hadn't done in a long time,
like I pulled a muscle in my leg.

Oh.

But in my anxiety mind, I had
done developed a blood clot.

So I went to the emergency
room, but just to, just to tell-

Yeah â¦ this, that nurse was there.

Yeah.

And she, she came and she
gave me the biggest hug.

She goes, "I am so happy you made it."

She goes, "I have
wondered if you made it."

Oh.

That was the reason then.

See?

Yeah.

It goes back to- So you pulled an
a- you pulled a muscle- I pulled a

muscle â¦ and praised the Lord so
that you could give- Thinking I was

killing myself, but it helped her.

Yeah, that's good.

So you could give her the
confirmation that God comes through.

Yeah, and, and- He's, He's in the details.

Yep.

Bless her.

I mean, she came, she
gave me the biggest hug.

I'm like, "I'm so glad."

I was like, "I kind of feel like
I'm about to be sick though, soâ¦"

Excuse me, but step back.

I was like, excuse me.

I was like, I was like probably-
Love you, thank you, but ugh.

Exactly.

Oh,

that's funny.

It was so, uh, it was soâ¦

It's just wild, all the things
that God does and in how He works.

Yeah.

And I keep saying that, but it's so true.

He is, He is awesome.

So we always ask this question to
raise on, um, if you could go back in

real time and watch something of Bible
happening besides the crucifixion and

resurrection, 'cause I feel like everybody
would want to watch that, um, what

would you want to go back and watch?

All right.

So I, I thought about this 'cause
I've been listening to these podcasts.

Yeah.

So, um, and this really resonated
with me before, but I would really

like to go, um- And be with the
Israelites when Joshua's about to cross-

Yes â¦ the Jordan and then go into
Jericho, and- No one said this one.

No.

Okay.

I haven't.

No.

So, and I just want just to be in that
moment to see God moving and just,

you know, you're going in, and they're
just like victory after victory.

Like- Mm-hmm.

I mean, God is- Mm â¦ on the move.

And one of the things with that, and
you â¦ And I'm reading it right now,

uh, it's, it's all about being obedient.

Yep.

That's what that book is
about, is being obedient.

Mm-hmm.

And I mean, if you are obedient to
God, he's gonna give you that victory.

Yes, he is.

And just to see â¦ And you
know, the Israelites, uh, they,

they had lots of failures.

They had some moments.

Yeah.

But in that moment- In that
moment, they had it together

that moment, they had it together.

Yep.

And boy.

They, they- Yeah â¦ got after it.

And I think that would be just so fun and
awesome just to be a part of, like- Yes.

Like- Yeah â¦ what God is doing.

And like, "We're gonna go,
and we're gonna do it again."

Yep.

Yes.

Exactly.

Oh, yeah.

That's a good one.

Love it.

That has not been mentioned, so.

Mm-mm.

Yeah, that's really good.

Love it.

And I mean, it's one of my
favorites because, um, my son,

Caleb, I mean- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I've even, uh â¦ And that's
kind of like right now, he's been

having some like trouble with, with
some fear- Mm-hmm â¦ and stuff.

And we've been going over Joshua 1:9.

We say it every single night.

Good.

And- Yeah â¦ we, we pray
it, and it's helping a lot.

But I'm just like â¦ I was like,
"You know, Caleb, I was the, I was

this right-hand man right there."

Mm-hmm.

You know?

Yep.

Yeah.

And, uh, I told Layla, I was like, "If
you would've been a boy, I'm just telling

you, your name would've been Joshua."

Like, it was â¦ They â¦ I, I just
think that there's some, you know

He was a mighty man of God- Mm-hmm â¦ and
we need that- Yes, we do â¦ generation.

We do.

So that's- Mm-hmm â¦ kinda
what kinda prompted that.

Yeah.

Anyways.

Yeah.

That's what I would say.

Yeah.

That's good.

I like it.

I like it too.

Yeah.

It was a good time.

It was.

And I definitely want to have
you back anytime because- Yeah.

I mean- I've enjoyed it.

Yeah.

I was so nervous, but this
was, this was- It was.

You did good.

And we can have Seth
too, if he wants to come.

Yep.

So if he wants.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

His ornery self.

That's a invitation to you, Seth, so.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much for coming.

Thank you.

Yeah.

We really enjoyed it.

Yep.

Till next time.

Yeah.

Bye.

Bye

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