47 The Blondest Blonde

🎙️ Podcast Episode Description: "The Blondest Blonde"
In this tense and revealing script for an audio drama, "The Blondest Blonde" pulls back the curtain on the Inman house during what should be a celebratory evening. Dr. Dave Inman, a successful surgeon, is on the cusp of retirement , but his plans clash dramatically with his wife Patty's ambition. While hosting their long-time friends, Jim and Harriet, Dave and Patty retreat into separate conversations that expose the deep cracks in their forty-year marriage.

Dave struggles with his purpose after a lifetime of work, admitting a fear of having been "played the fool" and craving appreciation—and daily "blowjobs". Meanwhile, Patty reveals her carefully executed life plan, refusing to quit her high-level career to cater to her newly retired husband's boredom. The confrontation escalates quickly, moving from financial suspicions and a debate over real estate investment to a shocking high-stakes coin toss that will determine the fate of their marriage, their careers, and their future. This episode explores the heavy price of ambition, the shifting dynamics of long-term relationships, and what happens when two people's life plans diverge at the finish line.

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Scripts Aloud brings drama right into your ears. By using text-to-speech software, theater scripts go from the page into drama, every week. Typically 10-minute scripts are presented in each episode. It's like having a Theater Festival - right on your phone!

Scirpts Aloud
THE BLONDEST BLONDE
Written by
Rick Regan
May 8, 2025
INTERIOR - INMAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - EVENING
This is the house of Dr. DAVE Inman and his wife, PATTY
Inman. The house is large, tasteful and even a little dated.
Plenty of furniture, pictures and mementos from their travels
around the world.
Dr. Inman and Patty are sitting in the living room with
evening cocktails.
PATTY
Well, I think we’re ready to go.
Don’t you?
DAVE
I suppose. I always like seeing Jim
and Harriet. They’re easy, you
know. Always agreeable guests. The
best kind.
PATTY
How long have you known Jim?
DAVE
We did residency at Hopkins
together, oh..., forty years ago.
PATTY
Can you believe we’ve come all this
way?
(Dave nods)
Doorbell rings: BING! BONG!
PATTY
Showtime!
Patty gets up to answer the door. Dave follows.
DAVE
Patty! Just one more thing.
PATTY
Doctor?
DAVE
God, you are beautiful!
PATTY
Awww, thanks! You’re a pretty good
hunk of man yourself.
Patty opens the door. At the door are Dr. JIM Elliott and
HARRIET Elliot, a couple roughly Dave’s age.
JIM
Patty! How are you?
HARRIET
Hey, Patty. And where’s the man of
the hour? There he is!
DAVE
Come on in, guys. Let me get you
something.
They all come in and settle into the room, with Patty still
standing.
JIM
Doctor.
DAVE
Doctor.
JIM
Congratulations, old man. Finally
hanging up the scalpel.
DAVE
It’s time. It’s time. Scotch?
JIM
Sure.
Dave gets up to pour some scotch and water for them both.
PATTY
(to Harriet)
What can I get you?
HARRIET
I’ll come take a look.
Patty and Harriet exit to the kitchen.
DAVE
What about you, Jim? Are you ever
going to take a day off?
JIM
One of these days.
DAVE
That’s what I said for the last
five years. I decided that I’ve got
to step aside. Make room for the
new young bucks.
JIM
Well, that’s big of you but aren’t
you going to miss it? I mean, what
are you going to do?
DAVE
The usual stuff. Travel. Visit the
kids. Maybe start writing a book.
JIM
Sounds like you’ve got a plan.
DAVE
More an idea than a plan. But...I
kind of have a problem.
JIM
What kind of problem? Do you need
some money? Something like that?
DAVE
No, more of a wife-problem.
JIM
A wife...Patty? Do I want to know
why?
DAVE
Well, she’s still working. She
loves what she does. And she won’t
be ready to retire for another
seven, maybe eight years.
JIM
And that’s a problem, why?
DAVE
What am I going to do?
JIM
Do whatever you want.
DAVE
But I can’t, if she’s working all
the time. Just go alone?
JIM
Seems like you have two choices,
either go by yourself, which I’m
sure she won’t mind, if you are
happy. Or, if you can afford it,
tell her to quit, then take her to
Rome. Or wherever.
DAVE
I don’t think she would.
JIM
She wouldn’t quit, if you told her
to? She’s your wife.
DAVE
We’ve been together a long time.
And I always thought, you know, I
got really lucky and married a
really great gal.
JIM
You did!
DAVE
But sometimes I look around and
think that I was just a part of her
plan all along. Once she could ride
my coattails, she stayed on for the
ride.
JIM
You guys raised three kids
together. That’s not riding your
coattails.
DAVE
Maybe that’s true but if it wasn’t
me, I’m sure there would have been
somebody else. Another doctor or
lawyer or somebody. I was just the
guy who got to the store when the
doors opened.
JIM
You think she loves you?
DAVE
Of course she loves me! Who
wouldn’t love me? YOU love me!
JIM
I love you, man!
DAVE
Right, but now, here I am, getting
ready to retire and I wonder what
it was all for. All the work, all
the time. Does it mean anything?
JIM
Dave, you saved countless lives!
You have helped people, for
decades! Don’t say that it didn’t
mean anything. Like, what do you
want it to mean?
DAVE
I want to feel like I didn’t get
taken advantage of, played the
fool.
JIM
You want to be appreciated.
DAVE
Yes. Yes, appreciated. Is that so
hard? And respected.
JIM
How much is enough though? If you
feel that now, when do you get
enough satisfaction to say, there,
I am appreciated and respected?
It’s a bottomless pit, Dave.
DAVE
(sullen)
Just a reminder now and then.
JIM
Is this about sex?
DAVE
(pause)
Maybe.
JIM
Well, no offense here, Dave, but
you’re seventy-two. We both know
what happens after a certain point
in a man’s life. You can Viagra all
you want but somethings just don’t
come back.
DAVE
Could at least try...
JIM
Oldest hymn in the book, my friend.
Can I get a re-fill?
DAVE
Sure. Come on.
They go to the side table for refills.
INT. INMAN HOUSE, KITCHEN - SAME TIME
Patty is arranging some plates and some dishes as they wait
for the food to warm in the oven.
Harriet stands by the slightly cracked side-door, smoking a
cigarette, blowing the smoke out the door. They are both
nursing white wine in stemmed glasses.
HARRIET
So, things are going to be changing
around here, I bet.
PATTY
It’ll be different.
HARRIET
What are you going to do with him
under your feet all the time?
PATTY
I’m still working. I’ve got at
least another five good years,
maybe ten.
HARRIET
So your world-famous surgeon
husband will be sitting idle at
home for the next five years?
Watching gameshows?
PATTY
Maybe baseball.
HARRIET
Go O’s.
PATTY
Well, he’ll have to figure
something out.
HARRIET
Has he said anything, about what he
wants to do?
PATTY
He said that when he retires, he
wants to “play with his
investments.”
(scoffs)
As if!
HARRIET
What does that mean? Why do you say
it like that?
PATTY
Listen, he was a wonderful doctor,
a beautiful surgeon, but Warren
Buffett he’s not. He says he wants
to dabble in ‘flipping houses’ and
restoring historic buildings. But
he doesn’t know anything about
that.
HARRIET
How do you know?
PATTY
Because I do know about that. I
manage our leases at the Institute,
for our remote offices, equipment,
supply contracts. All of that.
HARRIET
Not bad, for a hot nurse.
PATTY
(laughs)
Yeah. I stepped it up.
HARRIET
Seems like you lived the life.
Married a doctor, built a career,
had a family.
PATTY
Yeah, I’ve done a lot.
HARRIET
All the while being the most
beautiful friend I know.
PATTY
(laughs)
You’re funny.
HARRIET
I mean it. You could have had any
doctor in the hospital. You still
can!
PATTY
But I don’t want another doctor. I
have one. A good one. But I worked
hard for what I’ve done.
When I went to graduate school, I
knew I couldn’t slow down. If I
missed a step, ONE STEP, the whole
train would come off the tracks.
But, you know, I kept on rolling.
HARRIET
Roll on, girl!
PATTY
And, look, I’m at the peak of my
career, with five or eight years to
go. I don’t want to back out of it
all, just to, what?, sit around
with him? No thanks. I have to live
my life.
HARRIET
Patty, you’ve always been you. I
like that.
PATTY
Let’s go see what the boys are up
to.
They exit back to the front room.
INT. INMAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME
HARRIET
Well, well, what’s all this oldboys talk?
JIM
Just the usual, work and money.
HARRIET
(toasting with glass)
Well, Dave, here’s to you. To a
wonderful career, a lovely family,
and a beautiful life. Cheers!
ALL
Cheers!
DAVE
Thank you, thank you. I owe it all
to my beautiful wife.
PATTY
Well that’s certainly true. Ha!
DAVE
Why if it wasn’t for Patty here, I
would have had to settle for some
second-rate emergency-room nurse.
PATTY
If it wasn’t me, it would have been
somebody.
DAVE
And you? You would have just picked
out the next best doctor on the
floor. And keep on rolling.
PATTY
You know I had a plan. You know I
wasn’t going to just be a floornurse my whole career. You know who
I am. But who are you? What are you
going to do, now that you’re not
the famous doctor?
DAVE
I’d like to enjoy some things. But
that’s made harder...
PATTY
How?
DAVE
By being alone! You should quit
your job. We could travel, see
Rome.
JIM
Rome is nice!
DAVE
Rome is nice!
PATTY
You want me to quit my job? I have
a career. I built that. I’m not
going to walk away from that.
DAVE
But what are we doing this for?
PATTY
Doing what?!
DAVE
Life! Living life. If all we’re
doing is just going through the
motions, why do it?
PATTY
With what? I made a good living but
it’s not surgeon money. It’s not
like I have a separate nest-egg to
live off of. Do you?
DAVE
(stunned)
What?
PATTY
Do you? Do you have secret stashes
of money, private accounts, hidden
assets that you never told me
about?
DAVE
Of course not!
PATTY
That’s what you would say, if you
had hidden accounts. Now you want
to ‘flip houses’. You don’t know
the first thing about real estate.
DAVE
I know a good buy when I see one.
PATTY
What is the commercial vacancy rate
in Baltimore County? Do you know?
DAVE
(guessing)
Five percent?
PATTY
Twenty-two percent for Grade A
space. Not the time to be investing
in real estate!
DAVE
(dismissive)
It’s always a good time to get into
real estate. It only appreciates.
PATTY
Unless there are no renters, or
buyers. Just suckers, like you.
DAVE
Suckers like me? Look, I’d just
like to enjoy my retirement - with
my wife.
PATTY
What exactly, specifically, do you
want? Because I don’t know.
DAVE
Well...for starters...daily
blowjobs would be nice.
PATTY
Blowjobs? Really? That’s all you
want?
HARRIET
Patty!
DAVE
I mean it’s a start.
PATTY
You just want your pretty little
wife to give you a blowjob every
day. Is that it? Is that all I am
to you, a blowjob service? Do you
even know who I am?
DAVE
I’m just saying, it’s not that
hard. All I have ever wanted was
for you to take care of the house,
take care of the kids, and...take
care of me. And look pretty.
PATTY
I pushed myself through nursing
school, top of my class. I did my
hospital floor time. I pushed
myself through a masters program at
Hopkins. I raised our kids and
built a career. And all you wanted
was blowjobs?
DAVE
And some recognition! Of what I’ve
done.
PATTY
The whole world celebrates what you
do. Conferences applaud when you
give a speech. Isn’t that enough?
And now you face the existential
dread of being bored and lonely?
Well, put on your big-girl panties,
Dr. Inman.
DAVE
That’s enough. I’ve heard enough.
HARRIET
(to Jim)
We should go.
JIM
We should go.
DAVE
You don’t have to go anywhere.
JIM
We should go, let you guys settle
this between you two.
HARRIET
Good night!
Jim and Harriet make a smooth exit.
DAVE
So? How do we settle this?
PATTY
With a lawyer, perhaps? Go through
your accounts, take a look under a
rock or two. See what they find.
DAVE
We don’t have to do that.
PATTY
If you make demands about my job
then we have to. It’s up to you.
DAVE
No, it’s not, and you know it.
PATTY
I’ve lived my whole life to get to
this point. I’m not going to give
it up now.
DAVE
I’ve worked my whole life to get to
the point where I don’t have to
work. But I don’t want to be alone.
PATTY
Them’s the breaks, kid.
DAVE
Tell you what, I’ll flip a coin.
PATTY
(astonished)
A coin?
DAVE
Yep. Heads, we do what I want.
Tails we do what you want.
PATTY
And the blowjobs?
DAVE
If I win...
PATTY
And my job...
DAVE
If I win...
PATTY
No, wait. Heads, I win. And I go
back to work. You call your
attorney, we split everything. You
can go find a blowjob service. And,
Tails, you win. I quit my job and I
do...that.
DAVE
Deal. Deal?
Dave fishes out a coin. He is about to flip it.
PATTY
It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Deal. Remember, Heads, I win.
DAVE
Tails I win. Deal.
PATTY
Flip it.
Dave flips the coin in the air. It bounces on the coffee
table.
END