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That’s Not Very Ladylike is the podcast for every woman who was told to be polite, stay calm, or stop being so dramatic, meanwhile her hormones, boundaries, and sanity were quietly falling apart.
Hosted by Tracey Willingham, licensed social worker and the voice behind That Hormone Girl™, each episode starts with one rule: Ladies don’t…and then they do it anyway.
Together, we unpack the unspoken expectations, the emotional labor, the generational BS, and the hormone chaos modern women are carrying and we get honest about what it actually takes to feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to question the rules, trust your body, and stop shrinking to make everyone else comfortable, you’re in the right place.
You're listening to That's Not Very Ladylike, the show where every week, we start with one rule, ladies don't, and then we do it anyway. Welcome back to another episode of That's Not Very Ladylike. And today today we're talking about a topic that I know is going to hit a lot of women, especially if you're in your midlife, if you're around perimenopause menopause. But unfortunately, I'm hearing even women in their 30s are having issues around this topic. So ladies, don't ask for labs again.
Tracey:They just accept normal. So let's just name that rule. Ladies, don't ask follow-up questions. So, the doctor says it's normal, it's normal. If the portal says within range, then you're done here.
Tracey:And if a medical professional shrugs and says, well, I mean, everything looks fine. We're expected to smile, nod, and thank them for their time. Which side note, we paid for. Okay? This was not given freely.
Tracey:We paid for that visit. And then we get back in our car and guess what? Still the same. We feel like absolute shit. Because you're not allowed to be that patient.
Tracey:The one who gets labeled the beautiful terms in their medical chart and you know which ones I'm talking about. The non compliant patient, the difficult patient. They have used the internet and Google to the extreme. And the one who's daring to say, yeah, but I still feel like and I'm paying you and I want you to make it better. And it's not like we're asking for miracles that don't exist.
Tracey:Many times, there are things within our grasp but then that goes into a whole another level that we'll eventually talk about on here. Also, if you're in my world of that hormone girl, you're going to see me talk about it a lot. But then our insurance companies also limit our medical system on what they can do and not do. So, most of the time, the only thing you can do is accept normal. And then you go home feeling like and life goes on.
Tracey:So, let's jump into this week's story. I want to tell you about the day that I asked for thyroid support. Actually, no. Let me let me tell you about like the three days that I asked for thyroid support. That would be actually the correct way to say this.
Tracey:Three different doctors, three different sets of labs, and three times my own blood work got thrown back in my face like I had personally offended the medical establishment that I was making stuff up without any recognition, any listening to what I am living in. I am telling you how I feel. I'm not I'm not making this up. And also, let's just put it out there. I'm not asking.
Tracey:I'm not pain med seeking. I don't have a history of this. Like, I'm asking you to help me with my thyroid. And here came the terms that we all hate so much. I swear.
Tracey:I I want to buy stock of, like, the the tank tops that you can just rip open and just wear them at the doctor's office because every every time I hear statements like, your labs are normal. Well, your labs are within range. Your labs look fine to me which means to me, I'm the doctor. So, therefore, end of conversation. You are fine.
Tracey:Oh, I love that word. Oh, I love that word. Fine is the most gaslighting word in women's health care. Y'all, I feel so passionate about this. I'm going try to rein it in today but I'm already, I'm like, I'm feeling it.
Tracey:I'm getting fired up because I do not, I did not and I do not feel fine. At the time and still today, still today, I am exhausted in my body. I am cold. When everyone else in the house is comfortable. And I am not kidding.
Tracey:You can ask my husband. You can ask my mom. You can ask friends, colleagues. I run a space heater every day of the year, and I live in Texas, y'all. Okay?
Tracey:Put that together. I have a space heater on when it's 100 degrees here. Tell me that's not a problem. I feel foggy, flat, and off. But according to that sacred paper printout in our beautiful health care system, I'm normal.
Tracey:Doctor number one, they just shrugged. Doctor number two, explained reference ranges to me like I hadn't already done some of the homework. And then doctor number three, oh, doctor number three. One, suggested that maybe I was just stressed. Love when they do that and then, kind of threw the labs back at me.
Tracey:That was awesome. Okay, cool. So, now, it's my fault. I asked inappropriate questions. I dare to push back.
Tracey:You can't push back to the doctor. And then, because I'm stubborn and because I'm slightly feral, when you dismiss me, I found another doctor. And guess what happened? He went back to medical school one zero one and he didn't just look at the one lab flagged in a column. He looked at many different numbers.
Tracey:He looked at what my life was like, what I was doing. He looked at the whole picture and he said, you know what? I don't care what your numbers say. What I'm hearing is your thyroid needs support. And y'all, I'm I'm not even ashamed to say this.
Tracey:When he said that, I started crying in his office because I thought somebody heard me. Somebody heard me. And I got that support. I felt so good. And that's what I think makes today so bad.
Tracey:I had that moment for a couple of years where I felt clear, I felt stable. I had energy, I was living my life like I wanted. And then fast forward ten years, he retires. Because of course he does, and of course he should. But then I found myself back in a healthcare system that looked at my labs and we went right back to your normal.
Tracey:And here I sit today doing this podcast talking to you all knowing that if my thyroid got the support it actually needs, I would not feel like this. And then you're adding in all my extra perimenopause hormone things. Now's not the time, okay? Because I'm unhinged. I'm coming.
Tracey:I'm stepping into my own. So, system, you're warned. But instead, I get handed a piece of paper with a range on it. Like that range is more accurate than my lived experience. And nothing will make you question your sanity faster than a system that treats in range like it means optimal.
Tracey:And the wild part, if I didn't know what I know, if I hadn't lived the decade of feeling better, I might believe them. I might say, you know what? Maybe maybe you did learn something at medical school and this is just the the number I've drawn for my life is to feel like But you know what? I do know and that's the problem. Because once you know what support feels like, normal starts to feel like neglect, dressed up in a lab coat.
Tracey:So, let's look at the the emotional cost. Because here's what accepting normal actually costs us. It costs us trusting our own body. So, then, you start thinking, well, maybe this is just part of aging. Maybe this is part of motherhood.
Tracey:Maybe they're right. Maybe I just can't handle stress or maybe this is, god forbid, this one. Maybe this is what being a woman feels like. Shoot. I didn't draw the straw to be a boy.
Tracey:I'm a girl and this is just what I drew. We begin to gaslight ourselves before the medical system even has to. And that internal gaslighting, it's just our nervous system saying, come on, girl. Because your lived experience is screaming one thing and the lab report is whispering another. And that mismatch, it creates anxiety.
Tracey:And then we start the spiral. Your anxiety spikes your cortisol. Your cortisol wrecks your sleep and wrecks sleep wrecks everything else. So now, what started as a basic symptom has now become many symptoms. And now I am stressed.
Tracey:Thanks to you, almighty lab coat, about the symptoms and I have a whole new layer of shame about having the symptoms. I must be doing something wrong. Being female must be wrong. All because someone said your normal closed textbook, end of discussion. But here's the thing I always push back on.
Tracey:If I felt normal, hear me, doctor. If I felt normal, not what my numbers say, why would I have booked a damn appointment and paid you? Why would I not take that money and buy myself some like cool sneaks or an awesome purse or getting my nails done? No. What I decided this morning was, you know what I want to do?
Tracey:I want to throw money at someone that can go buy a lake house and have an awesome life. Instead of putting money into my family, my retirement, my vacation fund. That's what I want to do. I'm going to book an appointment that I don't need. So, let's look at some historical context.
Tracey:For centuries, women's pain has always been dismissed as hysteria and I want to tell you like if some of you thought like, man, our, you know, oh gosh, depending on how old you are, our grandmothers, our mothers, they went through that era. But guess what? Hysteria is still here. It's just mislabeled. And I talk about this in some other episodes and then I'll be talking about it in some upcoming episodes.
Tracey:But hysteria nowadays is a huge antidepressant medication subscription or prescription problem that we have but we'll talk about that later but for centuries, women's pain was dismissed as hysteria which literally comes from the Greek word for uterus. Yeah, let that seek in. Literally comes from the Greek word for uterus. The translation is, if she's upset, it's probably her womb. But here's the truth, medical dismissal has never landed equally for women.
Tracey:And we're going to talk about some of the the most horrific things I can think of that is happening to women who are not white. So, Black women were experimented on without anesthesia. Enslaved women's bodies were treated as property in the name of science and progress. Henrietta Lack's cells were taken without her consent and used to transform modern medicine. And then on top of that, her family wasn't even informed of this for decades.
Tracey:Indigenous and Latina women were forcibly sterilized well into the twentieth century. Asian American women faced discriminatory reproductive policies shaped by immigration era, fear and racism. And Black women to this day, to this day, 2026, are statistically less likely to have their pain believed. And listen to this, and the space that that happens most commonly in is in childbirth. I even haven't, I haven't even had a kid and I know.
Tracey:That's not a like a picnic of a day where you're like, oh, it it just hurt a little. This is not ancient history. This is living memory. And women like Rebecca Lee Crumpler fought to enter medicine at all. And then had to fight to be taken seriously within it.
Tracey:And at the same time, white women in the women's health movement, including the collective behind our bodies ourselves, pushed for transparency, access to records, and the right to question doctors. And that mattered. Those doors being pushed open changed things. But those movements were not always inclusive. And we have to acknowledge that.
Tracey:Many women of color were fighting parallel battles for basic bodily autonomy and survival that weren't centered in mainstream feminism. So when we say, why don't women just ask more questions? We have to understand something. For some women questioning authority has historically meant danger. For others, it meant social exile.
Tracey:But today, for all of us, it means you get labeled difficult. And that hesitation you fill in the exam room, is layered history. And you can honor that history while still choosing to speak. So here, let's look at a shift. Normal does not mean optimal.
Tracey:Normal does not mean thriving and normal certainly does not mean you should shut up now. So, here's what I want you to know today. If no one has ever said this to you, let this be today. You are allowed to say to the health care system, where am I in the range? What would optimal look like?
Tracey:I would like to test this again. Is there something we're not looking at? Have we considered the full picture of everything I'm feeling with the numbers on that lab. Or my favorite, my favorite one that I love to say is if my labs are normal, then can you please explain to me why I still feel like this? And that's not being combative, my friends.
Tracey:That is not that is not rude. It's being informed. Okay. So, alright. You are telling me you're the expert.
Tracey:Wonderful. Okay. We'll go with that. Then, if my labs are normal, why do I still feel like this? And I am now paying you money to help me figure it out.
Tracey:So, no disrespect, expert. Why do I still feel like this? You're not asking to be special. You're asking to feel well, to have a decent life, and those two things are very different. So, if we were allowed to say it the way it should be said, this is what it would sound like.
Tracey:These numbers may be normal but I am not. Let me give you some examples. I am exhausted. My anxiety is through the roof and hint, it's not my uterus. My hair is falling out.
Tracey:My menstrual cycle is chaos. My libido, I don't even have one anymore. And the one I really want to say and it's going to come out one of these days soon, Francis. I need more than a shrug from you. Like, what does that mean?
Tracey:Okay, you don't know? Figure it out. Because we've been conditioned to confuse politeness with compliance. But politeness has kept a lot of women sick. So, here are the things I want you to hear from me today.
Tracey:Let it rest inside your spirit. Curiosity is not disrespect. Advocacy is not aggression and persistence is not paranoia. Sometimes, the answer really is something very simple. And you don't find that out if we go quiet.
Tracey:So, here's some reflection for you. I want you to think about one of your last appointments. What did you almost say but didn't? What follow-up did you delete from the portal message? What question is still inside of you waiting to be asked?
Tracey:And here's an uncomfortable one and I have I ask myself this and I don't always answer it the way I want. So, please know this is not a judgy judgy Tracy. I have to do this to myself all the time. Are you more afraid of being labeled difficult or of staying unwell? Because typically it's being labeled difficult that keeps us staying unwell.
Tracey:And that includes me. Because those two choices are what most women are subconsciously weighing. So ladies, don't ask for labs again. We just accept the normal. But your body is not a statistic.
Tracey:Our bodies are not a line on a chart and our bodies certainly are not a damn checkbox in a portal. We are a living, breathing system. And if my system, if this system of women is struggling, we deserve more than within range. And it has nothing to do with our compliance or personality. So we're going to start practicing this guys.
Tracey:We're going to do this together, ladies. We're going to start practicing this ladies, here we go. We're going to start asking the question. We're going to start sending that message. We're going to book the follow-up appointment.
Tracey:And if you don't know how to do that, come see me at that hormone girl. I got you. Because that shift changes everything. And it takes us and it makes the system imagine this. Imagine this.
Tracey:Let's just say, let's just say 10,000,000 of us. All were like, let's go. Suddenly, now the healthcare system starts seeing 10,000,000 women move from silent acceptance to informed insistence. From, okay, I guess, to, no, I need more. And that that is the most unladylike thing of all.
Tracey:Thanks for joining me today for That's Not Very Ladylike. If today's episode lit a fire, pushed your buttons, or called a little BS on the stories we've been sold, share it with another woman who's tired of being told to tone it down, smile more, or play nice, and help a girl out by making sure you subscribe, leave a quick review, and catch me on Instagram at that hormone girl. And until next time, keep getting loud, messy, and raising hell because being ladylike is overrated.