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Finding life after loss, Two Dancing Widows dives into the stories of resilience, hope, and transformation. Hosts Toni and Hettie welcome new guests each week, from widowers and life coaches to those battling severe illness, who share their journeys through struggle and their paths back to joy. This podcast is for anyone navigating grief or simply looking for inspiration to live and love deeply again. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that remind us all that healing, while challenging, is a dance worth stepping into.
Coming up on this episode of Two Dancing Widows.
Would you feel that it's time to move or your contemplating moving?
You need to consider where's my support base?
Am I looking to move away from that?
How lonely would that be?
But at the same time, what is this maintenance that I have to contend with?
The upkeep of the home.
Three, four, five bedrooms when you're only using one.
I'll often do the adult children really come to see you and you get to utilize all of that.
The taxes on the property, there's a lot to consider.
With grief being the emotional beast that it is, you really do need to take time.
I always talk to my clients that find themselves in that situation, whether it be the physical loss of someone through death or divorce.
For us, that you need to really take your time and wait.
Welcome to Two Dancing Widows, the podcast where Tony and Hetty explore life after loss.
And the strength we find in each other's stories.
We're back and we are so grateful to begin Season 2 with you, our beautiful, resilient community.
Your love, your messages and your shared stories carried us through Season 1.
And we are honored to continue this journey together.
If you're new here, welcome.
And if you've been with us from the beginning, welcome home.
Before we begin, be sure you're following the podcast so you never miss an episode.
You can listen to every episode past and present by visiting Two Dancing Widows.
Transistor.fm. There, you'll also find links to our Facebook community where we continue the conversation, support one another and grow together.
In today's Season 2 premiere, Tony and Hetty welcome Tony Adams Richardson, a real estate professional, advisor, and advocate who has spent years helping individuals and families navigate some of life's biggest transitions.
With deep compassion and practical insight, Tony brings a unique perspective on what happens when loss, housing decisions, and financial realities intersect.
Together, they explore what it means to rebuild, make difficult decisions, and find stability when life has been forever changed.
In the twilight glow, where memories blend, two souls reminisce on life's winding been.
Yeah, yeah, we laughter and tales from a time so bold they share the stories yet untold.
Hello again, this is Hetty Collins and I'm here at my co-host, Antonette Norell, and we are the Two Dancing Widows and we have a special guest here for you today.
We would like to talk a little bit about what happens when you lose someone or you're in a situation where you no longer are able to stay where you have been living for a number of years, where you have community, and other things like that.
And so having said that, our guest today is Tony Adams Richardson, and she is a relative, and she's a realtor broker, and she will talk to us and we have questions for her because we're just very curious.
I know that a lot of times when we're going to miss the grief and we lose someone, the unfortunate thing is that sometimes we lose income as well.
A lot of people or some people at least do not always plan on loss or the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a parent, and they definitely did not come on the loss of income.
And so it can be very interrupting to the grieving process to have to stop and think about what do I do next, especially when you lose that second income or that second retirement money, or if your finances are set up that you get half, and all of a sudden your retirement money is reduced down to half for the person that you lost, what do you do?
It can put you in a really sticky situation. So we have our guests here today, and I'm going to start off by having her introduce herself and just talk to you a little bit about that entire process and what you might be able to think about doing.
And then Tony will jump in and we'll just ask your questions that we think that you would ask if you were shopping for a realtor, if you were thinking about selling your home, if you were thinking about changing your financial situation in order to create security for yourself.
And so you're going to have to go to the next one for yourself, a new security along with grieving at the same time.
So Tony, will you jump in now?
I certainly will get day everyone. My name is Tony Adams Richardson. I am a real estate broker owner of Karama Incorporated.
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Do I get a ranch?
Hi, Powell's.
I don't want stairs anymore.
However, I don't know what to do because all of my friends
and my community surround me.
And so that's been my son lives in Elmhurst,
which is a lovely community, but it's not my community.
And so I don't really want to go far from the people
and the activities and the organizations that are close to me
and that actively participate in.
So that's been a problem.
And so that you bring up very good points
in that when you feel that it's time to move
or you're contemplating moving, you need to consider,
where's my support base?
Am I looking to move away from that?
How lonely would that be?
But at the same time, what is this maintenance
that I have to contend with?
The upkeep of the home.
Three, four, five bedrooms when you're only using one.
How often do the adult children really come to see you
and you get to utilize all of that?
The taxes on the property, there's a lot to consider.
With grief being the emotional beast that it is,
you really do need to take time.
I always talk to my clients that find themselves
in that situation, whether it be the physical loss
of someone through death or divorce,
that you need to really take your time and wait.
How much is the maintenance costing you?
What is the overhead?
You mention your community and the things that you like to do.
In your case, because it's been a while,
and grief never goes away, it just repackages itself
as the years go on.
But could you look at a condo?
Could you look at a townhome?
Have you explored the possibilities of a townhome?
And what that maintenance is?
There are some townhome communities
that you practically have to still do everything yourself.
And you're paying exorbitant HOA fees every month or every quarter.
So you really need to consider all of those things.
Do you want to live far out?
Where your friends and your base can't get to you.
But maybe once, twice, three times a year when you get together,
those are all serious things that I always tell clients
to consider prior to saying,
I just can't be in this house anymore.
Let me go.
Yes, and that's really the thing is the maintenance on the house.
Otherwise, it's very affordable.
But the maintenance is an issue.
Who do I hire?
How do I know they're trustworthy?
Those kinds of things seem so simple.
But for me, at my age, they're overwhelming.
Not to mention the fact that people come to your home
and sometimes look at your house and make assumptions
about what you can afford to pay.
I've hired people that have charged people
that I know in the city that may be in a condo, one price.
And they actually are closer to me.
One guy recently lived in Indiana.
He's closer to me than he is to my daughter's place in the city.
And for the same work, I'm just saying,
putting in a couple of plugs, doing a couple of switches
that just changing them really,
he asks for almost $100 more for me.
And I think she actually had four and I had three.
So it's very interesting.
That is interesting.
That's price gouging.
Yes.
And it can happen.
And so to your point, Eddie, those things are real.
And so that's another avenue to consider with maintenance.
How do they judge you based on what you've worked so hard
for over the years to accomplish that they put you
in a certain category, whether you're there,
they don't know your life story.
They don't know that you've lost someone.
I pray that they don't know that you've lost someone
because they really take advantage of that.
Yes.
I tell my client, silence is the best strategy
when you're dealing with hiring different contractors.
Find out, tell them what the job is,
exactly what you want them to do and get a quote.
And I always recommend at least three quotes.
That was my dance.
Yeah.
You always had to get three quotes.
Always.
And so I follow that throughout my life with three quotes.
Let me ask you this when considering that condo,
how do you know that it's a well run association?
How can you find that out?
Well, how do you find out if the building is going
to be indeed of everything soon?
So the special assessments would pop up.
Right.
And when you're going to purchase a condo,
they have to, the management association has to disclose
whether or not there's a special assessment
on the horizon.
OK.
That has to be disclosed.
OK.
Yeah.
And what is for you, you need to see the budget.
And we can ask for all of that.
Absolutely.
OK.
Absolutely.
Actually, your attorney should ask for those things.
They're part of the documents that you should have
and review.
And you should have a review period.
And your literature would give you
that written into the contract that allows you the opportunity
to review those documents you as well as your attorney
before the cell is formed up.
And it's usually within the first,
about the seven days unless the attorney extends it.
And attorney will typically extend it
if the condo association is dragging their feet
on getting the documents to you.
But those are things that you definitely want to review
in their entirety.
Thank you.
So how would you tell me, suggest, what are some good questions
that you would ask someone?
I know a lot of times people just go out and hire a friend.
And they may be a good literature.
They may not.
And can you tell us a little bit about the differences
between kind of a listing, a listing
of a realtor and one that actually sells?
Because I know some people make a lot of money just listing
as much as they can and getting the split fee
versus being active in the selling market.
I could only speak for me.
I think it's important to sit down with a potential seller
to find out what their concerns are,
to find out what their story is.
So the first thing you want to do
is to look at someone that you trust.
Because as Hedi just mentioned, there are folks
that are making a killing, but they don't care.
They don't care what your story is.
They're at the highest listing agent.
So they're not going to even offer to say, let's hold off
and let's not sell right now.
Let's look at what your budget is.
Let's look at what you want to go.
Let's ask those questions that determine what you just
offered up.
People don't always just offer up.
You know what?
This is where my village is.
This is where my support system is.
But a good realtor will pull that out of you
and will take those things into consideration.
I've had clients that I've told, I don't think you should sell.
What good?
It was some reasons.
Why not?
OK.
The home that you have is manageable.
The maintenance is low.
And from your story, you're doing it out of emotion
because someone left you.
OK.
I've had that happen.
And I've talked to the person out of selling.
But when you're allowing other people in your ear,
I would sell if I were you.
He bought another house.
She bought another house.
They left you.
Girl, go on and sell unpaid financial advisors.
Right.
Right.
The unpaid financial advisors that want you as miserable
as they are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So yes, it's not about so much the sale
as building relationship.
For me, it's building relationship.
And I find that I received the clients
that I'm supposed to have because of those relationships
that I build.
So are you able to also, should I expect
if I trust someone and I like them and they're going
to help me sell my house, should I be allowing
that same person to help me find a new place?
Yes.
OK.
Yes.
Because they're going to take that saying,
they have the whole story.
They have the whole story.
So they're going to take that story
and apply it to your purchase as well.
That's something that we will take in the time
to sit down and really map out.
Where do you want to be?
Why do you want to be there?
Do you understand the cost?
Because a good realtor will have looked up
how much the HOA fees are, the activity in that area
or that subdivision.
If 90% of the condos or town homes are always
on the market, they're running.
Some, the people are running away from it.
When I look at properties that were just purchased in 2022
and it's back on the market in 2025, they're running.
So that says instability.
Now that's scary to me because I'm not
going to mention any names.
But there is a hotel.
I don't know.
There's a complex like really interested in
however there are a lot of places for sale.
But what I, in Frankfurt, know.
But for what I see, hotel, ton,
retail, a lot of people are elderly, very.
And so I'm wondering if their children are having them sell
or if they died or I mean.
And so I'm thinking that that's pretty much what's going on.
And that very well could be a good realtor
with able to do the research.
OK, great.
To see if that's what's happening.
Oh, yes.
OK.
So let's talk about getting ready for the move.
Let's say that you've done all of that, you've done evaluation.
You've decided perhaps that you want to stay in the same neighborhood
but have something smaller or something not far away.
So you can keep your community intact.
But maybe your house needs some repairs.
How deeply and how much should you go into it?
I was just talking to my aunt about this the other day.
And she's just, I love her.
I love her.
I really do.
Sort of got to love her.
But she looks at things entirely different than I do.
Like she has a condo, for example, in Wisconsin.
And she hasn't set foot in in over 10 years.
Now she pays all their assessments.
She pays the special assessments.
She pays the taxes that things have been paid for.
And she said to me the other day, you know, I don't think
I'm going to make it back up there.
She is 92.
I'm thinking about selling it.
And I said to her, oh, yes, you do meet her.
My anybody, yes, I said to her.
I said, you know, if you make that decision,
I think we should go up.
I think we should paint it.
I think we should do some things to it and all that.
Because she stopped, she used to rent it out.
And she stopped running it quite some time ago.
Because I mean, she really couldn't rent it out any more.
Because it wasn't updated or anything.
And she says, I don't think I want to do anything.
And I said, then you are going to sell way below market.
What would be your advice to someone like that?
Exactly.
What you just said, if it is what it is,
and she's not willing to do anything,
we have to respect that decision.
But also have her understand the reality of what it will sell for.
What it will likely sell for it.
There are investors out there that will just scoop that property up,
put a few dollars, a few, a very few, very few, cosmetic dollars,
you know, paint on a pig, lipstick on a pig, and make bank.
That's like the house right behind me, you know, it sold again.
And it was up and they they won it for five, I think five or six hundred thousand
for that house.
Okay, it was not going to sell for that ever.
And they want to be going into auction.
I think it actually sold for two something maybe close to three hundred.
The people went in and absolutely put some money into that house.
Like he said, lipstick on a pig.
And they sell, they bought a son and house for close to five hundred thousand.
Easily.
And so they walked in and walked out within a couple of months time.
So it is something that so it's worth taking a time.
So if it's worth taking a time, once again,
how do we find good contractors?
Can we count on our relative to help us with that?
I have seen so many shotty contractors over over the years.
Myself, I called in an electrician to fix four outlets.
I think they worked for 30 days, 30, an electrician.
Yes.
So you really, it just takes its trial and error with with contractors.
I would say, Yelp helps, helps a little bit.
It helps a little bit because I'm very honest on Yelp.
It is hard.
Where every time I think I have, no, where the mouth does help.
If you have someone that someone else has used and you see the work for yourself,
because everyone's idea of quality work, if it's not the same.
Okay.
Oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness.
I remember some, some floors I was looking at.
Oh, you should go with that.
So I go out to see the property that this particular contractor is working on.
And it was like an acrylic floor.
I'll be you're in all your things.
Yes.
Bubbles everywhere.
Oh my goodness.
And it was, and the floor was set.
So there was no getting those bubbles out.
Yeah.
So is it ever to your advantage to sell as this?
It can be, okay.
It can be depending on your financial picture.
You know, if you've got X amount of dollars in equity, your property is paid for
or you've got X amount in in savings and you can afford to just make.
Break even or make just a little bit just to get away.
Yeah.
Just to move on.
But that's an individual case by case basis.
Okay.
Yeah.
It really is because I, you know, I've seen people make those type of decisions and
then, you know, kind of regret it later when they see what the house actually is sold for.
Because, you know, what we consider to be a nuisance, a lot of times,
we may find someone else that will manage that for us because actually a good contractor
will manage the process.
Right.
You don't have to get every little part.
You don't have to get the electrician, a person put in the floor, a person to do the painting.
You get a contractor that comes in and gives you a price and this is what I'm going to charge you.
But you also need to have a list.
This is what you're going to be paying for separate whatever.
But he will typically pay the workers.
And that's what, you know, like Rodney does for me.
Like he, you know, he will pay the workers.
I don't pay anything, but he will tell me what materials I will have to pay for.
Right.
And, and, and something like that.
So, and so you can basically step aside and kind of that person and count on them.
I need Rodney's number.
I was thinking the same thing.
After I went out, of course, I'm not going anywhere.
Well, you better do it soon because he told me the other day he is, he's retiring and easy to
wear and down and all this, but he does excellent work.
You've seen his work before Tony.
You know, he did read us all of the work at her house.
He's the one that did the cabinetry and everything in her house.
He's the one to remodel my kitchen and take my bathrooms upstairs.
Okay.
Because you remember my original kitchen and not my kitchen now and all these different things.
So he, I'm kitchen now with him.
If you decide to go, I can't take his feathers.
No, I'm not going to go.
But anyway, well, we got just a few minutes left.
Sure.
And I'd like to give you just open it up.
Tony, do you have any more questions?
No, I just overwhelmed it, but there are times that the reason I ask about just saying, take it as
this is sometimes I just overwhelmed, but he is very creative.
So you look at a room and you can say, I'll paint this.
I'll do this, this and this and it won't take long and it won't take a lot of money and
it'll look fabulous.
All of us aren't that talented.
Well, let me say this.
And Tony, please, I'm going to let you close us out.
Tell me if you disagree with me or not.
And I'm fine.
If you disagree, I'm really good.
But to me, rooms are boxes and that's all they are except for your kitchens and your bathrooms.
And those are the spots that will sell your house.
Even a finished basement, if it's not done well, it's not necessarily going to be the thing that sells your house.
But your kitchen, you know, even if you can't afford, you know, the best surfaces, I think you can look for sales and find them on sale,
putting good appliances.
They will absolutely sell your house in your bathroom.
Don't go with trendy things, you know, as a matter of fact, some things that are back in fashion now, some of the old fashion,
a subway talent, all of that.
But don't rubber stamp it like this gray thing, the graying of the houses.
Also know where you are in a design process.
For example, gray was beautiful and perfect 15 years ago.
We're on the end of that and it's actually run for a long time, usually design aesthetics.
Last about 10 years before they start fading out.
And if you get in on year 10, when it's fading out because you fall in love with these grades and all that,
your house in three to four years is going to look just really, really old and done for.
You're always better to go with a white or cream or neutral, some kind of way and throw in splashes of color.
So what I mean, I think those are the things to sell a house.
What do you think?
And the front door, I cannot believe that everything, every single word that you say it says,
you should be a designer because because because there was a point in the real estate market where I would take a client out.
We would see four houses in a day and they would all be rubber stamped gray.
It was sick me and the people would fall in love with it.
And then they move in and the toilet leaks onto the basement.
You take a shower and your bedrooms with where it does that.
Well, that's another thing.
Beautiful.
That's another thing before you buy a house, turn on every faucet in the house at the same time,
every and let it rot every and see.
I've got a license to it.
They said this chat.
Yes.
Well, yes, yeah, we're right.
So you can give us because we're going to close.
We've got like one minute left.
What would you like to say to our, you know, our audience?
I would say take your time.
grief is individual.
grief can go on forever.
And whatever you do surround yourself with people that you can trust.
Know that you will always have the unlicensed professionals that can't wait to give you advice
on what they would do if they were you, but they didn't do it for themselves.
So they're trying to live precariously through you.
Trust the person you hire.
So do your homework and get somebody trustworthy.
Thank you, Tony.
Thank you.
You have been just really wonderful.
We've got to get you back.
I know we can get some more advice out of you on these particular financial matters.
Because this is really important.
You know, your house, if you keep it, if you should sell it, you know,
changes you.
I'll soon after, you know, right.
You, your loss should be thinking about that.
Is it only influenced by finances or as you say, as a community?
Is it community?
Yeah.
So you write, you know, I think we do have an extra pair of dance issues.
We like to look at Sony.
I absolutely.
I think she can lace them up.
I think she can lace them up.
Okay.
I love to dance.
All right.
Right.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And we look forward to talking to you again.
And bye.
In the twilight glow,
where memories plan to show's reminisce on life's winding.
Amen.
We laughed during tales from a time so bold.
They share the stories yet.
I'm told.
Oh,
two dancing widows in the dance of life's embrace finding rhythm after 70 and time in space.
Time is with every step a new story unfolds in the journey.
The beauty of aging is told to dancing with us in the dance of life's embrace.
Finding rhythm after all is in time and space.
With every step a new story unfolds in the journey.
The beauty of life is told is told.