You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast

Tre' Crume shares his incredible life story of being mentored in the church while growing up in Joneboro, AR without his father.

Show Notes

Episode 11

_______________
WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.

_______________
SHOW NOTES

Tre' Crume worked with Forerunner Mentoring for three years leading our Elementary School program. He attends Dallas Theological Seminary and played on the USA Football Team.

Creators and Guests

Host
Zachary Garza
Founder of Forerunner Mentoring & You Can Mentor // Father to the Fatherless // Author

What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?

You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.

We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.

Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.

Speaker 1:

You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven, and I'm here with 2 special guests because neither of you been on the podcast yet. Caroline Gibbons. How are you today?

Speaker 3:

I'm great, Steven. How

Speaker 2:

are you? I'm so glad you're here and to have the one of 2 Carolines that are closest to me in life Mhmm. Now both represented on the podcast. Caroline is the literacy coordinator at our mentoring program, and we are sitting today in your office, practically, I would say

Speaker 3:

Mhmm.

Speaker 2:

Where all of our kids do their what?

Speaker 3:

Their reading intervention. We're sitting in the literacy lab.

Speaker 2:

The literacy lab where we do reading intervention. That sounds really intense.

Speaker 3:

Mhmm. I mean, it is.

Speaker 2:

So, like, usually with our dads, we do, like, an alcoholic intervention, but with our elementary school kids, we

Speaker 3:

do reading that

Speaker 4:

I would go that far, but, you know

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 3:

It's it's intervene.

Speaker 2:

Up there. Okay. That's awesome. Since I've introduced you, now I've I I wanna ask you to introduce our guest.

Speaker 3:

Yes. Today, we have with us Trey Croom. Welcome, Trey. How's it going?

Speaker 4:

Doing well. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. Of course. We're happy you can be here. Trey worked with Forreiner for several years as a grade coach and then a team lead.

Speaker 4:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

And he is enrolled in seminary at DTS. Yeah. He's very passionate about sports ministry. Yeah. So he's gonna spend some time sharing with us today his experience and his views on mentoring.

Speaker 2:

Shout out to Chuck. Shout out

Speaker 4:

to Tony Evans.

Speaker 2:

Tony Evans. What

Speaker 4:

up, Tony

Speaker 2:

Evans? So many

Speaker 4:

so many

Speaker 3:

greats. They're the cool.

Speaker 2:

Well, Trey, we want to ask you a few questions today just to unpack your experience, not only in your background of growing up, but also your experience mentoring, your experience being a part of our program. And so we wanna just kind of take from you that sounds really mean. We're gonna learn from you. Let's let's go for that. And, yeah, just help all of our mentors listening to this podcast grow.

Speaker 2:

And so, Trey, could you just start and share a little bit about your story and then get into how you came to Dallas as well? So

Speaker 4:

Yeah. I can. So I grew up in a single parent home. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3, and so I have a older brother who we have the same mom, but different dad. And so what that looked like on holidays, what that looked like going different places is on holiday, we would go to Atlanta, Georgia to spend it with my dad, and I'll see my dad maybe 2 or 3 times a month.

Speaker 4:

He stayed maybe 30 minutes away from Jonesboro, Arkansas. So this is all in Jonesboro. My brother's dad lived in Atlanta, Georgia. He played for the Atlanta Falcons. My brother was great in sports, so I wanted to be great at sports.

Speaker 4:

So I wanted to follow in the footsteps of every male that I've ever even gotten close to at the time. So growing up for me was in a single parent home. See, my mom have she's been married a few times, several times, so men were always in and out. And I always had that gravitation to him because I always wanted to learn from him. And then, I mean, I'm still coming from that absent father home.

Speaker 4:

And so if there was an image that I could give during that time, I would say, in Lion King, the movie, you know, you gotta go see Lion King, like, the the the real one. But

Speaker 2:

I've heard things.

Speaker 3:

Good

Speaker 4:

stuff. It's good stuff. They do cut out the funny and singing, like, some of the things, but the message still stays the same. But in the cartoon, you have, at one point, Simba,

Speaker 2:

he don't ever trust someone named Scar. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. Never. Never. And especially if they have a scar. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4:

Like Yeah. Like, hey. Family family be the be the main ones that that do that. But, anyway, that's another topic. So in the movie, you have Simba.

Speaker 4:

He's learning his growl. He's he wants to be like his father Mufasa, so he's growling growling. And then eventually, he growls loud enough, and there's a stampede that happens and scars into him and everything like that. During my time growing up, it was just like that. I didn't know who I was.

Speaker 4:

I didn't know my voice. The human body has 3 responses. You have fight, flight, and then one that's often unaware of is that freeze. And so for me, growing up 5, 6 years old, I was in that freeze stage. I've seen a lot of abuse in the home physically, sexually.

Speaker 4:

There was a lot of things that I went through, and I never could say anything. I always felt like I was too small or I didn't matter. So, literally, while the abuse is going on, I would go into the hallway and just listen and just freeze, just stand there. So after years years of suppressing that, finally, I feel like I found a little bit of voice, but it wasn't or a little bit of the growl, but it wasn't the right growl. My growl turned into anger.

Speaker 4:

So it wasn't until I was coming home one day with my older brother to see my stepdad on top of my mom smashing her telephone and literally fist fighting in the street. Well, this little boy myself, as a 7th grader, didn't know what to do. So I see my brother go charge, and I run up to it still frozen. And it wasn't till a split moment that I was like, okay. Everything that I felt for so long is going to come out, and it came out in anger.

Speaker 4:

So, literally, all of my emotions built in all those times, I felt like I wasn't good enough, that I'm still waiting on my dad on the steps, or he lied and said he was gonna come and he wasn't. All that kinda left, and I pushed it all into anger. Wow. So after that, was in anger management, which goes into my mentor that, he was there for me. He he loved me.

Speaker 4:

He was a part of the church. He was actually the youth pastor at the time, and now he's a senior pastor at Temple Baptist Church. So literally from that fight to me either going to a behavior counseling center or doing anger management, he took me in. And every week from 7th grade till my senior year, we met, on Wednesdays right before church. He just spoke with me, shared the word with me, and discipled me.

Speaker 4:

Anger management

Speaker 2:

as a 7th grader? You're walking through counseling of how to deal with with your anger. Was that through your school or some other resource?

Speaker 4:

That was directly through the kindness of the heart of of of Andy Neal. So he was the pastor at the time. I knew he was busy, and he didn't have to. He he actually just offered, hey. Let me treat you, you know, as as through anger management.

Speaker 4:

You know, I've had a little bit of this, but I wanna give you not just anger management, but we need to work on your identity of who you are in Christ. And then we also need to work on, you know, what does that mean and how do you respond to that? So I grew up in the church, and church was a place for me at the time that it provided a way for me not to be in the streets all day. I grew up on the north side of town, then I moved to the south side just to escape the mentality and the poverty mentality because my mom wasn't gonna raise us that way. And so church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday d now lock ins.

Speaker 4:

Lock ins. Anytime there was a church function, mom placed us in and was like, hey. You're not gonna be doing this. You're gonna be in church. So Awana's went all the way, got the Timothy Award for, like, the NBA title, and that's probably one of my proudest moments.

Speaker 4:

And you just go through the books and say the verses, but it didn't really click to me. I did it as a competition. It didn't really click until I read that John 316, and it kind of the holy spirit came and spoke. You know? It wasn't just that he died for everyone.

Speaker 4:

It was like, oh, he died for you, Trey.

Speaker 2:

Wow.

Speaker 4:

And that made the the most difference in my life because I've never had any type of male sacrifice in that type of way for me. So

Speaker 2:

For you, I love how you said fight, flight, or freeze. Yeah. I think we usually don't consider how paralyzing it can be for a child to experience something traumatic. The fruit of that is, like, you're sitting there trying to decide how do I process and react and respond. Right.

Speaker 2:

And that produced this, maybe an over response

Speaker 4:

Mhmm.

Speaker 2:

A sensitivity that just kind of you lash out. Right. So can can you talk, yeah, even even more about that experience of of who are you processing your emotions with. And, like, at at that time, even before this pastor starts in investing in your life, like, who were the people that were there for you in that season?

Speaker 4:

So I feel like my main person who is my right hand man, my my everything at the time, and in times, not just a brother, but acted as a father figure was my older brother, Brandon. He was that one that if he was doing it, I wanted to do it. If he said this, I was gonna say it. And then occasionally, you know, brothers fight. You know, we have our we have our differences, and, you know, we hit each other.

Speaker 4:

There was one time I locked my brother, in the back of a car, in the trunk. And then we did the same he did the same thing to me. It was great, at the time. It was great. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

It was great. But Sibling love.

Speaker 2:

But I

Speaker 4:

think yeah. Sibling love.

Speaker 2:

Let's not do that in Texas. Yeah. We can't

Speaker 4:

we can't do that. Because they don't even allow, you know, dogs to be in the car like that or any animal. So so, yeah, it's different now. This is back there.

Speaker 2:

In Lakewood. You'll be on the Lakewood Facebook page. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

I'm not trying to be on the Lakewood Facebook page or Lake Highlands or any page unless you go on my Facebook page. But, anyway, my brother Brandon Shelley was that role model for me. He was my everything. The only reason why I learned how to throw a football was because of Brandon. Only reason why I knew how to ride a bike, Brandon was right by my side doing that as well as my mom.

Speaker 4:

Don't give her don't give her I don't wanna dismiss any credit to her because she's my everything, but Brandon was that person. He was that male figure that I looked up to when lights were off in the house, when my mom was working 2 or 3 jobs, and ends just weren't meeting, or we didn't have food to eat, or it was some unfortunate situations. I knew that I wasn't alone. You know? I felt a lot of different things.

Speaker 4:

I felt angry. I felt the blame as a kid. I felt a lot of different things. But one thing that I couldn't say is I felt alone because Brandon was there always with me, and as well as pastor Andy Neal. And there were a few other key males, but like I said, it was kinda just learn from 1, go on to the next, learn from another, go on to the next, learn what not to do, go on to the next.

Speaker 4:

And then my own father, he wasn't there the way that I think he should have been, and he wasn't there just period. There was one point I lived right across the street from him when I was in about 7th, 8th grade. I only saw him maybe 3 times that year. So I would always see his his truck across the street. He would never come over and say anything, or it would be, we're going fishing.

Speaker 4:

We're going to the house, and he would never come. So I've always felt like I've had maybe a backpack of clothes, backpack of tools, something always ready to go. However, I wasn't met that halfway. And so my brother was that one. So, okay.

Speaker 4:

He didn't come? Alright. So this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna have a sleepover in the living room. We're gonna put the pillows up.

Speaker 4:

We're gonna build these little caves and stuff like that. And this is what yeah. Force everything. Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

And so he's like, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna turn on rocket power. We're gonna turn on all these other different TV shows, and that's how we're gonna get through it. And so it was really cool just for him to to to be there and to take on so much responsibility while he's only in, at the time, 8th grade, maybe, 6th grade. He took on a whole legacy, you know, of me and continued out.

Speaker 4:

So Wow. My brother for sure.

Speaker 3:

So Trey, let's go back to your relationship with your mom. I know that y'all are still really close. She's very important in your life. So talk a little bit about how those male relationships affected that relationship that you have with her, and just kind of how y'all connected, what she was able to be there for, what she wasn't. Just lean into that a little bit.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. So I can remember distinctly in elementary school, her and I are riding. She's picking me up from a practice or after school program, something like that. I remember just giving her a list of things and ask her, do you love me more than this? You know, do you love me more than Brandon?

Speaker 4:

I think maybe every sibling has maybe think that they're the favorite. I'm the baby, and so I wanna say that I'm the favorite. But I always ask her just different questions. Hey. Do you love me more than this person?

Speaker 4:

Do you love me more than this job? Do you love me if you had to choose, who would you be? Who would you choose? You know? And I think that summed up a lot of what I'm feeling currently.

Speaker 4:

I think when I was a kid, I needed my mom's care. I needed her tender love because it's not that it was unique, and it was that, but it was also I wasn't getting it at all. And so I saw my mom work hard. She was the warrior working 2 or 3 jobs and just helping people. At one point, I remember her giving our food away to give to other people.

Speaker 4:

I'm like, ma, like, we live here. Like, why would you why would you wanna wanna do that? But she had that servant heart. And so when Yeah. Guys would come in and out, that really made me gravitate toward her even more just because I'm like, okay.

Speaker 4:

I hear you crying because remember I'm still in this freeze mode. I hear you crying. I hear you're screaming. You're not telling anybody about it because you're too strong. You know, you have that Mhmm.

Speaker 4:

Cynicism of of a strong woman who wants to keep every emotion inside. So we never actually had that conversation of, you know, I know you went through this, and I know I heard you say this, and I know you felt this way. And I've seen some things on your body. Like, I know that, and so I just wanna hug you. You know?

Speaker 4:

I wanna love you, and I wanna do all those different things even though she never really voiced it. And so my relationship with her from then till maybe about grad school was just that. It was that, like, not to say that I feel bad for you, but I wish it wasn't the case. Like, why is life so hard? You know?

Speaker 4:

Why do I why do you have to work this way when other people don't work this way? And then, you know, you have that kid tendency of, well, I want this train watch, this, it's it was a train watch that I wanted from Big Lots at the time. It was it may have been 1999. And I was like, mom, I really want that watch. And she was like, you know, we can't get it.

Speaker 4:

And I was like, okay, mom. I really want this is when Shaq shoes came out at Kmart or Walmart. I was like, I really want the Shaq's. Like, can I get the Shaq's? And she was like, you know, really can.

Speaker 4:

I was like, well, ma, like, I gotta have these Shaq's. They light up. He's dunking on the rim, on the tongue. You know? And and what she did was she went all out, worked harder, and bought my brother and I both of them, and we thought we were the coolest thing.

Speaker 4:

And so looking back now, I mean, like, man, I wish I really didn't ask for those Shacks because they're just shoes. I can't even wear them now. But then mom also would go into the point of, like, no. Like, I'm a show you that if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. Like, you can you can go buy those things.

Speaker 4:

And so all my life, I've seen her do just that. And then, you know, when the lights were off or we didn't have food to eat, mom was just like, okay. We're gonna pray, and we're gonna read her Bible. I was like, mom, like, that's literally not getting these lights on. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4:

And she was like, no. But this is what we're gonna do. And so she modeled that for us so that we can learn that at home, then we go right across the street to the all white church that we were going to that literally, quote, unquote, saved us from all the other violence that were going on. It would it would translate from home. Okay.

Speaker 4:

Mom said this at home, so I know they're probably saying the same stuff at church, and sure enough, it was that it was that mindset. So for sure. But, to answer your question, I think while males were going in and out of the house, it gravitated me toward her. And then now when I look back and I'm older, I'm seeing things. I'm seeing what a lot of women are putting up with.

Speaker 4:

I'm seeing a lot of, abuse and all those things. I was like, ma, like, I wish we wouldn't have had to go through these things. And at times, I wanna turn to anger, because I'm like, okay. Now that I'm old enough, now that I found my roar, quote, unquote, we can do something about that. But, ma, well, how come you didn't?

Speaker 4:

You know? And so I think my stage now is is maintaining that relationship with her through my childlike eyes, and then just growing on it. Because I think when I was a kid, I focused so much on not having a father. Like, I didn't have him, didn't have any real relationship, so I don't know what it is like to grow or to decline or to be distant. Like, he just wasn't there.

Speaker 4:

But for my mom, she was there. So just recently, you know, going back and processing, okay, mom. Like, we went through this, but my relationship with you wasn't always the strongest. Like, I did feel like you chose this person over me. You know, I did feel like sometimes it was selfish.

Speaker 4:

You know, I did feel like those things. So just recently, maybe within the last 2 or 3 years, we've been talking about it and having those conversations for sure.

Speaker 3:

Talk a little bit about the relationship between your mom and your mentors in your life. Is that like a partnership? Did was your mom familiar with those men that influenced you? Like, give us an idea of how that worked.

Speaker 4:

I think, yeah, she was she was very familiar. Mom was she didn't know how to raise 2 boys, but she did it in a way that I think if I look back, she did the best that she could. I mean, growing up and not knowing how these boys are gonna turn out, she did it the model way. So she was really, really straight. I used to joke all the time.

Speaker 4:

Actually, at the time, I wasn't joking. I was like, my mom is the meanest. Like, we can't go outside past 7. Like, we can't do this. I gotta do my homework.

Speaker 4:

Like, I gotta read this amount of books. I gotta listen to these tapes. And I was like, mom is literally, like, the meanest. Like, can't even say yeah or yes. It was yes, ma'am, no, ma'am.

Speaker 4:

And so I was like, mom. Yeah. Yeah. Mom. I was like, mom, you're out of control.

Speaker 4:

But when it wasn't when I got too big for whoopings because, I mean, just to be honest, I may have got a whooping every day from from kindergarten, probably from out the womb, maybe until 4th or 5th grade. Like, I was just

Speaker 3:

Did you get one when you cut off a girl's ponytail in school?

Speaker 4:

Look. I've had so many whoopings. I I don't even I don't even remember. But, yeah, I did that.

Speaker 2:

Knows a lot of stories. I'm glad that you're the one interviewing Trey right now. Right. I didn't know

Speaker 4:

if I want the people to know that, but, no, I did I did do that. There was one point in time I was really into science. I wanted to create. I wanted to see reactions, which now I think about it plays into everything that, that I that I go through. So I put a calculator in the microwave just to see what would happen.

Speaker 4:

You know? I turn around eating my frosted flakes as if nothing happened. Mom was like, something's burning. Something's burning. So she gets it, throws it out.

Speaker 4:

She's like, what are you thinking? But, yeah, I got so many weapons. I couldn't even I couldn't even count. But she was she was that way because literally all my other friends or everybody else, like, now that I look back, like, they've been in prison. Like, they've been in jail.

Speaker 4:

They've had from job to job. They they didn't go to college. They they really didn't amount to anything. And most importantly, they just stayed content, still living with their mothers, you know, still doing the same thing. So mom provided a way for us to get out and everything.

Speaker 4:

So she was close with the men that mentored me. She was close with pastor Andy Neal. He was there when we joined the church, and that was literally like, okay. Like, I don't know how to communicate the way a male does. Here you go.

Speaker 4:

I don't know what you're gonna say. I don't know what you're gonna do, but here you go. There was one time when I was young, and I'm saying really young because now I got rhythm. I didn't have rhythm. Like, I couldn't even I couldn't even clap my hands on 2 and 4 or 1 and 3.

Speaker 4:

Like, I couldn't even do it. So literally, she called one of her girlfriends up and said, hey. Trey got a talent show. He wants to be a little Bow Wow. We're gonna glue cornrows in his head, but he can't dance, and he didn't know he didn't have any type of this?

Speaker 4:

I can't do that. But I can I can give you a picture, though? Like, he he wants to do this, but he literally can't. Like, he he he's uncoordinated. The boys is uncoordinated.

Speaker 4:

It's just so the girlfriend one of my mom's girlfriends was like, okay. I'm a send Tony over. And Tony came, and it took maybe 3 hours for me to sing little Bow Wow. And this is when, like, long jerseys and chains and and rock rollers on, on on that and beware of the dog. And so literally took a long time for me to get the rhythm.

Speaker 4:

And once I got that, I was set, Still set for life. So if you ever have a an engagement where you wanna dance or anything like that, we can we can get it. I'll put all

Speaker 2:

the stuff in the show notes so people know.

Speaker 4:

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. But so, yeah, mom, she she she took that humble route of saying, hey. I don't know everything.

Speaker 4:

Andy, will you do this? Tony, will you do this? Coach Malugen, will you train him up? Another Tommy, another great family that got me into physical fitness. When I was in 3rd grade, I needed a release, and my brother was in 7th grade.

Speaker 4:

He was starting football. So, literally, Brandon was going to work out. Like, oh, Trey's going with you. And my brother didn't always like that, so I got to watch his practices work out with him. But it was that, okay.

Speaker 4:

I don't know exactly what I'm doing. Mhmm. And he needs somebody, and he needs these men. Here you go. And so it was literally all trust.

Speaker 4:

Look. I'll take them to you. Can you please drop them off? Can you feed them? These men just took my brother and I in and just cared for us in a way that we had never experienced consistently.

Speaker 4:

Mhmm. So it was great.

Speaker 2:

You mentioned mom taking you to the white church down the street. I feel like most white people don't call their churches white churches, but I think it's just because we're not. We don't recognize that our church is full of white people. We're just like, oh, it's just full of people. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so can you

Speaker 4:

on.

Speaker 2:

Can you share more about, I guess, that perspective kind of Mhmm. Being a person of color in white spaces, how that, I mean, affects affects you. And I I think particularly even in mentoring, our mentors aren't gonna always

Speaker 4:

Mhmm.

Speaker 2:

Have the same background as our kids. And so I think even just understanding how you see the world in that space, I think it would be important for our mentors to to hear.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. So so there's a saying when you when you grow up in I guess when you're a kid, you know, it's sticks and stones may break my bones, but words would never hurt me. So I remember the first time I was in front of my house with my older brother, and a kid rode his bike, through through our through our sidewalk, through the house. And he called my brother the the first time I ever heard the n word, He called, and my brother, you know, he really didn't know what to say. I'm still in my freeze mode, so my brother picked up this rock and threw it at him, busted his head.

Speaker 4:

It was a huge ordeal. But I remember thinking, okay. Like, that's a word that I don't even know, but the way that it made my brother react and the way that I just saw something in me kind of react to it. I don't know why that is. And even though I had those feelings at a young age, mom was like, okay.

Speaker 4:

But right across the street are people who love Jesus. Right across the street are people who can can provide a safe, fun environment through Rwanda's. And so my family was literally the first black family ever to join Temple Baptist Church. We're in the record books. No other black family has ever, came through before us.

Speaker 4:

And so we're we're our picture is in there as a kid, and they loved us unconditionally. They showed us the way. The the pastor, he was very, very familiar with mom, and so we were over their house frequently, meals. As I grew up, they're going to all of my football games, always asking me to speak, always doing specific things. Went on all of my mission trips of being overseas or or different states.

Speaker 4:

First time I came to Texas, it was it was with the church. And so they really just showed that Christ, like, okay. You're different. You look different, but that's not gonna stop us from loving you. And there'll be a time where you may need different love at different time, but for right now as a kid, you're gonna get a.

Speaker 4:

Like, you're gonna you're gonna be hugged. You're gonna be low. I remember miss May and miss k. Like, they they they took me in and they went and said, okay. These are the verses.

Speaker 4:

These are the things. And Brandon knew it was the same way. Okay. Brandon, this is the basketball. This is how you react, but this is also why you're more important than a basketball.

Speaker 4:

And so I think with with the mindset of, okay, I'm in an all white church, it really didn't bother me. At the time, the community was running and growing rampant. And so I was like, hey, come to church. They're like, we're not going at church. Like, there's a lot of white people over there.

Speaker 4:

I was like, yeah. But they feed you. You know what I mean? They're giving pizza and stuff away. Donuts in the morning.

Speaker 4:

I was like, oh, okay. We're coming. So food was food is the was the motivation. So any church that wants to grow or do outreach, like, don't stop the food because Paul Paul don't stop the food. Don't don't stop any of that.

Speaker 4:

And and please don't forget to bring something to drink. Not that we're using you for your resources, but Paul talks about meeting the needs of the people as well as ministering to the soul. And so if someone's really in need of clothes or food or water, you can't just pray for them. Pray will heal the soul. Yes.

Speaker 4:

But they also need food, water, and something to eat and something to wear. You know what I mean? So don't neglect one for the sake of the other. How about both? And so I was bringing my friends to the white church, and they loved it because we were playing basketball.

Speaker 4:

At one point, Police officers were coming up there and playing basketball with us. It was a great communal environment. And so I really didn't I didn't not to say that I didn't see color, but it wasn't attention. It was always a point that it was okay. We're here for a reason.

Speaker 4:

We're glorifying God with our bodies, and we're learning more about him through his word, through through the skits, through vacation bible school. Okay. So now let's do this together. So growing up right across the street from the white church, it was a great opportunity for me to see both of them mesh. And then as well, growing up in a predominantly white school, all the, minorities that came to the school, they were either great at sports or they're really, really smart.

Speaker 4:

And so it was good to see the mixture of that and being with the Jakes, the Drews, the the West's and those things, and also having my Devonte's, the Collins, the different things. So we saw growing up a great, great mix of it, and, I think that was really important for me at the time. Mhmm. And especially now because when I look back, now I've been through so much of going to undergrad and University of North Alabama and seeing all the things that are on the news and hearing the the the heartache from other people that I know and that I've experienced, is something that I wish I could go back to and help those memories more, for sure.

Speaker 2:

Let let's talk high school. Yeah. Who who are the men investing in your life? Who is pouring into you in it? Could you share a story about anybody in that season?

Speaker 2:

Because I I imagine because of your brother's influence, you're getting into football. Yeah. And, like, you have dreams. Like, were there any other men kinda speaking into that?

Speaker 4:

Yeah. So when Brandon left, I remember the exact same day he went to college. It was traumatic for me, because I'm like, okay. Someone that I've always grown up with is is leaving me. And so I think when he left, all of that really made me sink in to myself.

Speaker 4:

I didn't really wanna connect with any other man. I still caught up with Andy every week to do anger management and talk gospel and everything else. But as far as, males directly impacting me, I would say I closed off a lot just from hurt, just from, seeing different men. This is when my dad would pick me up, but I didn't wanna go, or I would go see him and he wasn't there. So it was during a time of a lot of heartache, so it made me reflect, okay.

Speaker 4:

The only person that was always there who took me along when he didn't wanna take me along and allowed me to watch his workouts and then forced me to do his workouts with him was my older brother. And so when I got in high school, a lot of that fade, which is probably why it was one of the darkest times in my high school. During that time, I was battling, I feel like depression. I started writing more. Okay.

Speaker 4:

So I kinda went back into the freeze mentality, but now I just went into the flight mentality. So instead of saying something, I would go, okay. Let me write about it in my journal. You know? Diaries may be for women, but journal, you know, it kinda sounds more

Speaker 2:

Journal sounds good. That's nice.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. So started writing in my journal.

Speaker 3:

It's a diary. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. It's okay.

Speaker 4:

Call it what you want. Hey.

Speaker 2:

But It was in my notebook. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. It was a notebook. Yeah. Spiral notebook. And so during that time, that was one of the darkest times, I guess, behind closed doors.

Speaker 4:

Throughout high school, you know, I had a great career in football. I felt like I was popular. I knew a lot of people, but on the inside, it wasn't the way that I thought it should be. So it was a lot of writing. It was a lot of, okay, god.

Speaker 4:

Why did you make me like this? You know? I'm seeing things. I'm hearing different things. Okay, god.

Speaker 4:

Why are we still struggling? Does that mean that we're doing something wrong? Or if we're doing something wrong, you know, I kinda don't wanna live anymore. So it was a lot of suicidal thoughts. It was a lot of different things that I felt like I struggled with in high school.

Speaker 4:

Because, you know, now I have the age to work. And so it wasn't just, you know, okay. It's about me, but it's also about my mom. You know? So I'm going to work.

Speaker 4:

You know? I got the driver's permit at 14. Going to work. Can't stay past a certain time, then giving the money to her. You know?

Speaker 4:

So at the same time, I was providing for my family, for my mom a little bit, but also I have the pressure of my dad. My dad, he's not really there, but he's there. But he's also asking me for things, whether it's financial support, thing like that might look like. If I had it, I would give it. You know?

Speaker 4:

But I but I really don't. You know? And I'm just trying to make it. So I felt like at the time, it was a lot of pressure. And the relationship that I was in at the time, she also was going through a lot.

Speaker 4:

So I felt like we grew up too quick. We were already worried about, bills. We were already worried about, what we were gonna do. We were already worried about so many different things that we didn't actually get to have that sacred fun. Oh, I'm in high school.

Speaker 4:

Live it up experience. Now we we we did do that as far as on the football team wise and as far as the brotherhood that I established, but it was always an escape thing. It was always something, okay. Stuff's too bad at home. This is what we're gonna do.

Speaker 4:

And so as far as male influences, I would say at that time, it was very, very slim. Of course, you know, I have my coaches, coach Thomas. He was great to me. He always, loved on me, and he was he was more of that stern father. So I feel like fathers, they they wear many different hats.

Speaker 4:

You know? You have some fathers who are very, very tender. Some fathers don't think that their kids can do anything wrong. I think it's called helicopter, parents. But then you have some who are, like, drill sergeant this, this, this.

Speaker 4:

I feel like coach Thomas was that because I needed discipline. You know? Mom could only do so much. She stopped whooping us. Maybe she stopped whooping me maybe when I was in 4th or 5th grade, like I said, because I was just too big.

Speaker 4:

You know what I mean? I we used to just laugh once he tried to hit us and everything. And so I think when coach Thomas learned that he could speak to me in a way that evoked emotion out of me, whether that was anger, whether that was sadness, those things, that made me wanna gravitate toward him, as well. But to answer the question, it was very, very scarce, very, very dark. Mom, I don't think she really knew how to communicate the language that I was wanting to hear or to say, just because I think there's a different perspective when you're talking man to man and woman, woman to man.

Speaker 4:

And so I think she couldn't understand it. However, I was still in accountability with, pastor Andy Neal. I was still going to go see Jonathan. He was a college pastor. And so I had it maybe on the outside, but on the inside, I felt like I was going through an identity.

Speaker 4:

Football played into that. I saw myself just as a football player. Anybody ever referenced me was like, oh, that's Brandon Shelley's little brother. You know? Oh, that's that.

Speaker 4:

You know? I saw I really didn't even know Kinda like under his shadow. Yeah. Under his shadow because he was he was a great so all I've ever wanted to do was be on that level. And I think I was just really, really mission minded.

Speaker 4:

I knew my mom, finished her associate's degree at University of Arkansas, so I wanted to do well in school. But then, also, I remember a distinct conversation I had with my biological father. We're we're sitting there. He he finally came over maybe when I was in high school when he was living across the street, and I told him about football. He was like, oh, you'll you'll never be good enough to make it, to college ball.

Speaker 4:

And I was like, what'd you say? He was like, yeah. I don't think you're you you won't be good enough to play college ball. And I remember him sitting there. I remember looking.

Speaker 4:

I was like, I'm a prove you wrong. You know? And so my whole mentality through high school was wasn't for me, but it was proven so many people wrong. Alright, mom. You didn't do this, so I'm gonna get that 4.1 in graduate honors.

Speaker 4:

You know? And, dad, you said this, like, I'm gonna stand out. I'm gonna be the leader in those things. So male influence for 1, I didn't I didn't open myself up enough to receive anything, but, also, I was in that hurt spot position where I didn't wanna receive anything to begin with. So

Speaker 3:

I'm here you say that pastor Andy was like very consistent. Mhmm.

Speaker 4:

What

Speaker 3:

are some of the things that he did to keep that consistency and that, just dedication to really working on y'all's relationship?

Speaker 4:

Yeah. I think what what made it important to me growing up as a kid who has honestly just been lied to a lot, has had a backpack packed, and nobody shows up. I think what spoke most to me would be the consistency in the schedule. For me knowing, okay. He said he's gonna be here at this time.

Speaker 4:

I know for a fact he's gonna be here at this time. Like, he used to pick me up from school. So he used to be okay. I'm picking you up. We're after football practice.

Speaker 4:

You say 545. Right? Okay. So every time I knew and the teammates will be like, oh, that's Trey's therapist. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4:

That's Trey's going over there. So but but they knew, like, clockwork that he was gonna come. And so I think a schedule to make time in your schedule and, of course, things happen. You have traffic stuff. You have unfortunate events.

Speaker 4:

But I think for me, it was that time. Okay. This is for Trey. Alright. That's not for Brandon.

Speaker 4:

It's not for just so you can I can get this out of you, then leave? This is for that. I think, you know, Christ is the same thing. You know, he says, I did this for you. You know, it wasn't for all these million other different reason.

Speaker 4:

It wasn't even just so you could serve me. You know, before you were formed in your mother's womb, I knew you. Before the foundation of the earth, I knew you. And so for me, knowing that I'm the purpose and I'm the reason why this is this, it made me feel really, really special.

Speaker 2:

You mentioned your teammates would say something like, oh, there's Trey's therapist. Yeah. Which sounds funny, but can you talk about that dynamic of on the outside people are making fun or poking fun at you about this man who's mentoring you? Can you share more about those dynamics?

Speaker 4:

There's a there's a kind of a stigma, within the black community of when they're when when we're asking for help or there's someone of another color wanting to help, the the person of color, whatever minority that they are, they're gonna have to battle that because people are gonna talk regardless. You know? People are gonna say, well, you're doing right or wrong. Someone's not going to like or, actually, someone's gonna be jealous. You know?

Speaker 4:

Because the same friends that were saying like, oh, there's a therapist are the same friends when I will go there Wednesday night during, even if it was for the pizza, they're all over Andy. You know? They're because Andy's coming up to the school. Andy's providing, his his presence at lunch. He's going to the games.

Speaker 4:

Like, they know Andy. And so I think, I think Andy did it with a pure heart. He didn't take pity like, oh, this little black kid and his older brother needs someone. Oh, let me go save him. I don't think Andy had that intention at all.

Speaker 4:

I think he was, okay. These are people who remain the image of God, and let me be Christ. You know? Let me show exactly who he is while we're in this session, while I'm driving him to wherever, while, you know, he's sitting at the dinner table. So that was cool.

Speaker 4:

He opened himself up.

Speaker 2:

What practical encouragement do you have for our mentors based off of your own experience?

Speaker 4:

It's the small things. It's the teaching how to shake a hand or looking at them. When you deal with so many traumatized kids, because I mean, growing without a father is trauma. And so for me, it made a lot difference, a lot of difference in my life by writing out, encouragement to them. For kids who come from trauma, it's easy to think about so many different things, forget what somebody is saying, remember 3 times 3 is this, and then also feeling angry when I hear someone even having the same name as my dad.

Speaker 4:

You know? And so for me, having those letters, from different people or telling me, you know, they're praying for me or that they love me really, really helps. So I know it's old school. I know we're in the technology age, but it's important to have a letter because it's something handwritten. It's something that you can give.

Speaker 4:

So when a kid is having a bad day, they go to the office. You know? Oh, so and so left this for you at the office. He couldn't stay, but he left this for you. You know, you open it, and it says, you know, I'm really proud of you today.

Speaker 4:

You know? Or I love you today. You know? And that's never gonna change. Or I'll see you later tonight.

Speaker 4:

That gives so much hope, and I think that's something practical that everybody should do if you have hands. If not, you can say it on a, audio or anything. But, yeah, do do whatever you can. You can Make sure without hands.

Speaker 2:

But if you have hands Yeah.

Speaker 4:

It's easier. Yeah. If you don't have hands, we we can find ways. You can you can still mentor. There's there's no pass on males or females for mentoring.

Speaker 2:

It's good.

Speaker 3:

I

Speaker 2:

love that. So much, Trey. I appreciate your time. Your story for investing into the lives of mentors. And so, man, I'd I'd love if you just prayed for our mentors Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Right now as we finish our time.

Speaker 4:

Yeah. I will. Heaven father god, if you don't do anything else, you've already done enough by sending your son, Jesus Christ, to die for us, and we are eternally grateful for that. And so with that, with everything you've done, not that we wanna earn back or win back that, but we do wanna please you and serve you. And through that, I pray over these mentors.

Speaker 4:

I pray that they continue to go boldly. I pray that any type of blinders or any type of, negativity that they're they're experiencing because of mentoring, that that you remind them that they are where you have placed them, that nothing is by accident, that whatever kid that they have or whatever young man that they have, it's for a reason. And so I pray over their families. I pray that you strengthen them up. I pray that that you continue to to build a hedge around them so that they can give you honor and glory.

Speaker 4:

Continue to provide the opportunity to be just like your son. We are made in your image, so let us walk in dominion and power. We love you. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.

Speaker 2:

Well, that's today's episode of the You Can Mentor podcast. Pretty awesome, Caroline, wouldn't you say?

Speaker 3:

I would say, Steven.

Speaker 2:

Well, if you enjoyed today's interview with Trey, please share it with somebody you know. Maybe someone you think would be interested in mentoring some kid in their community. If you'd like more information, check out our show notes. We're gonna link to those Shacks that Trey mentioned, so you can get you a pair of those. I don't know how much those are nowadays, but but, yeah, if there's anything you picked up from today's episode, let it be this.

Speaker 2:

You can mentor.