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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
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Speaker 1:Find out more by following us on social media or going to our website at youcanmentor.com. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back everyone to the You Can Mentor podcast. I am here with the one and only Zach, Zachary Garza. And today, we're gonna be talking about his new book, Tell Me About Your Father, How That Relates to Mentoring, and probably get into a lot of my father wounds, which we could talk for hours about those. Hours. Hours because I have a lot of father ones.
Speaker 2:All of
Speaker 1:us do.
Speaker 2:What's that?
Speaker 1:To some degree. Yeah. Hi, Silas.
Speaker 2:How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:Great. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm fantastic. And even more fantastic to to talk about tell me about your father because this is one of the most important subjects to me my whole life.
Speaker 1:I think it is the most important subject because how someone sees their father is how they see God, and it influences how they see themselves and other people. Yeah. Absolutely. So it's a big deal.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm I'm 30, and it's taken me a really long time to understand the value of digging into my relationship with my father and how that affected me. And now that I've spent the time thinking about it, I look around and have interactions with older guys all the time, and I can see pretty quickly whether or not they've ever even approached that subject.
Speaker 1:100%.
Speaker 2:And it's wild.
Speaker 1:So why I think this is important and why we're talking about it on this podcast is because there's a lot of kids out there who are being mentored, who are growing up without a father around. Whether their father has passed away or they come from a single parent home, I think this topic is really important in the world of mentoring.
Speaker 2:Would you say that the father in a family was God's design at a built in mentor?
Speaker 1:Oh, wow. That's a great question. I mean, I would say for sure. I mean, God God gave both mom and dad a role in the family, a specific role. And when a child grows up without one of those, they are missing out.
Speaker 1:Right? And so I say often, you know, if a boy grows up in a home where they don't have a father in the home, who's going to teach them how to become a positive and productive male member of society? Who's gonna teach them how to become a man of God? Mhmm. If a girl grows up in a home where there isn't a father, what man is going to give them value?
Speaker 1:Who is going to celebrate them? Who is going to show them what, sincere unconditional love looks like by way of a man in a healthy way? And so yeah. 100%. God God put fathers here on earth to be your first mentor and your most important one.
Speaker 1:So
Speaker 2:Summarize very briefly what Tell Me About Your Father is all about and tell me why you wrote it.
Speaker 1:Well, can I just read my summary?
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Okay. Here we go. That's great. Alright. So what goes through your mind when I ask you about your father?
Speaker 1:Perhaps a smile pops up on your face because you had the best dad in the world. But what if you have the opposite reaction and are met with anger, sadness, or even apathy because your relationship with your father has hurt you in some way? If that's you, I know how you feel because I grew up without a dad around. So tell me about your father. Let's figure out how you got to where you are today by tackling topics such as generational sin and how your wounds are impacting you as an adult or as you're growing into adulthood.
Speaker 1:Together, let's go on a journey to identify the hurts from your father and how to process and heal those pains so you and everyone who comes after you can be set free. You're free to choose faith over fear, security over insecurity, and help you experience the unconditional love of God instead of the performance based love of people. So why did I write this story, Silas? Why did I write this book? Because I hope that this book will encourage people, to start the journey of healing, from their potential father wounds or to give mentors kind of a guidebook to help their mentees heal from their father wound.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I also believe that sometimes our, hurts in life, God can use those to become, our testimonies. Right? And so, like, I grew up without a dad in my life, Therefore, I wanna help kids who are growing up without a dad around. So maybe you're a mentor who grew up without a father.
Speaker 1:And why you're mentoring is because you know what it's like to be alone. Mhmm. And so in some ways, I hope this book kinda, ends the generational cycle of fatherlessness and helps someone begin the generational, cycle of godliness or health or forgiveness or freedom. Right? So, so yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's a obviously, I think it's a good book because I wrote it. But it's my personal testimony, but it's very practical. Like, I it's 24, 25 chapters of, like, hey, here's a stage that I went through in my journey and here's what the Lord did in that stage and here's how you can, you can face that stage as well.
Speaker 2:So Was there a time when you just did all that? Can you think back and say, okay. I've I did that, now I'm done, or does it continually go?
Speaker 1:That's a great question. So I I mean, I'm I'm in my early forties, and I kinda identified just the impact of growing up without a father, what that had on my life whenever I was 27, 26 years old. So I've been kinda dealing with this for over 15 years. And I always thought that I would come to a point where I would kinda be done with it. But I say growing up without a father or growing up with a father wound is kind of the unfortunate gift that keeps on giving.
Speaker 1:Because every time that I met with a new, stage of life, I am somehow reminded of the fact that, I grew up without a dad around. Mhmm. And so especially as now I have kids. Right? So I have a son who's 9.
Speaker 1:I have a son who's 8. I have a daughter who's 5. And every time they experience something, that's one thing that I also experienced, but I didn't have a dad around.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, so, yeah, it's a it's a consistent opportunity to forgive. It's a consistent opportunity to, really try to process those hurts and those wounds with God.
Speaker 2:Tell me how the lack of a father in your life what did that actually look like on how you acted as a young man?
Speaker 1:Sure. So there's a bunch of different ways. But
Speaker 2:Because this is gonna be a lot of the same actions that mentors and mentoring leaders can see with their mentees. Right? 100%. Probably Yeah. A lot of the similar, the lack of a father and
Speaker 1:the father wounds, they play out in in probably pretty similar ways. Correct? Yeah. So I say there's kinda there's kinda 2 ways that it typically goes. Right?
Speaker 1:The father wound, you tend to, think it doesn't have anything to to do with you. Right? So you dismiss the father wound. You're like, oh, it didn't affect me at all. Right.
Speaker 1:You just ignore it and you pretend like everything's okay. Right. Or it starts to kinda dominate you. And everything that goes wrong in your life is because you didn't have a dad around. And so, like, what it tends to produce is a young man or even, I mean, just an adult male who's always trying to find love and acceptance and attention by way of their performance.
Speaker 1:So it's like, I didn't receive unconditional love, so now I have to work to earn this conditional love, and I have to perform over and over and over. Yeah. Or, you are just saying to yourself, I don't have what it takes. And I know that I don't have what it takes. So there isn't any like, I'm just not even gonna try.
Speaker 1:Right. That that produces a young man who's apathetic, who's very low self confidence. Pretty bitter at the world. Yes. Very, very low self esteem.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So both of these characters are hurt. 1 is saying I can't do it. The other one says inside they can't do it, but they put on this mask on the outside that shows everyone, no, I can do it. I'm tough.
Speaker 1:I'm a man's man. So that that was me. Like, I I was insecure and I was terrified and I was lost. I wanted love. I wanted attention.
Speaker 1:But I didn't want anyone to to know that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so I worked out a ton. I acted tough. I had a bunch of muscles and I did whatever I thought a man should do. So, like, a man should cuss, so I cussed. A man should try to, you know, hang out with as many girls as possible, so I did that.
Speaker 1:A man should, you know, they should fight and they should, on the weekends, party. You know? So I I did everything that I thought a man should do
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Because I didn't have in anyone to tell me how a man should act. Right. And so, it produced a bunch of anger. It produced lots of fear. Like, if some of my friends did something without me, man, I would freak out because I was told this lie that they are going to leave me just like everyone else Right.
Speaker 1:Left me, just like my dad left me.
Speaker 2:Let's tie it to your mentor. Right? Like, what difficulty do you feel like you created for your mentor
Speaker 1:as a result of this? So anger, unforgiveness. So, like, if someone wrongs me, I can hold a grudge with the best of them. Mhmm. Because it's my way of saying I I knew that they would leave me.
Speaker 1:Right. And so
Speaker 2:But you at at the time, you didn't you wouldn't have been able to communicate. No. That's actually it. So you if you have if you have a mentor and you're doing these things, like, essentially, the mentor needs to be able to look deeper and say, like, it's wise.
Speaker 1:So here are some things that if if your mentee grew up without a father, they're probably speaking 1 or more of these things over themselves. I can't trust them. Mhmm. They will leave me. For sure.
Speaker 1:They will find out that I'm, you know, not as good as they think I am, and they'll leave. I'm not gonna open up to them because if I do, then they will leave. Sure. So everything comes like it's almost like the self fulfilling kind of prophecy. Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah. It's like everyone leaves me. Right. But that creates a kid who acts in such a way that it makes it really easy for people to leave them.
Speaker 2:Totally. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so Yeah. It's like they are going to, in a weird way, do whatever they can to try to try to make you leave them just so they can say, see? I told you. Everyone leaves me. Or it's
Speaker 2:the opposite. So for me, I constantly have this feeling of man, like, I I have this constant fear of this person is gonna just get tired of me. And so I constantly have this reoccurring thought of, like, you need to bail on this person quick. Like, you need to bail on them be before they can bail on you. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:So instead of me, like, acting in a way that pushes them away, like, I'll just, like, cut it off and Yep. And bolt and run. And so, like like, what's crazy is, like, I've I've been I feel like really thinking the about these topics for 5 years, and now you and I are in this, like, mentor mentee relationship. But even now, I realized the other day that I still had that feeling of, like, oh, is this guy for real? That's why I sent you that voice mail the other day, and I was like, it was that was really big for me, that little interaction with the football, because it that was like a step forward of trust in you that I had.
Speaker 2:And, again, I know all the stuff that we're talking about. I know what's going on, but I still I'm like, I don't know if I fully trust you. Yeah. And that that's gotta be so deep because we're literally talking about it all the time. And I'm still just, like, At the very heart level, the person who is supposed to
Speaker 1:be there for you for your entire life left you, whether they chose to or not. And that's gonna do some damage to a kid's heart, especially a kid. Mhmm. Right? I mean, that is gonna wreck havoc on their self esteem, on their self value, on how they see others.
Speaker 1:I mean, they are wounded. Right. And they don't know how to fix themselves. Mhmm. And so, like, I couldn't articulate how growing up without a father impacted me until I was in my mid twenties.
Speaker 1:But I had those wounds whenever I was 13. Yeah. And so I'm doing things as a kid that I don't even know why I'm doing it. Right. And so that is what makes it so hard.
Speaker 1:But that's why kids who don't have dads need mentors. Right. And they need mentors who are going to love them no matter what, and who are going to stick around, and who are going to pursue them, and who are going to endure their junk. Because, man, if we're not gonna show them how to heal from this, then who is? And that's a great question.
Speaker 1:I mean, there there are men that I know who are in their fifties sixties, and they didn't have a dad, and they still haven't dealt with it. Yeah. And it's messing up their marriages. It's messing up them as parents. I mean, that is my own story.
Speaker 1:Like, my father has father wounds. His dad was not a good dude. And he my dad never healed from those, and so he took those hurts. He took those wounds into all of his marriages.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And he just did what his dad did. Right. And that's that is a generational curse. Yep. And thank God that I I hope, dear Lord, that I am ending that curse and starting a generational line of of God's goodness.
Speaker 1:But I could only do that because of mentors. Right. Because someone stepped in the gap and said, I'm going to walk Zach through this. That was a guy named Bob, that was a guy named Alex, and that was a guy named Steve. And they said, hey, man.
Speaker 1:You growing up without a dad, that's messing around with you. And you are not going to become who God wants you to become until you deal with this. Yeah. And then they helped me actually deal with it Right. Because I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah. I'm, you know, there's books and there's sermons and things like that, but I need a guide. Like, I need someone who's going to walk me down this this path of healing and stick with me.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And show you. And show me Yeah.
Speaker 1:How to do it.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like also similar to you, like, my father left, and I went into the hyper side of, well, I'm gonna be that dude. I don't need anybody. And I could think in my head about all these things and even, like, recognize, okay. I didn't grow up without a fa I I didn't grow up with a father, so what are some things I need to do in order to get over this? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was like, nothing was as powerful as, like, an older dude showing me what it was like. Like, an older dude, like, giving me a hug, looking me in the eye, telling me what he sees in me. Like, nothing replaced that. Nothing could. No no amount of, like, watching videos about what a what a man is or, like, doing research or working out or becoming successful or or hearing sermons about what, like, a good man does or, like, what you're supposed to feel, what kind of love you're supposed to feel as a son to a father.
Speaker 2:It was all ethereal in my head and nothing is more powerful than, like, an actual man showing me love. So, like, I
Speaker 1:had a guy named Paul, and I went over to his house for dinner, and he's got 4 kids. And I got to sit down at his table and watch how him how he as a father, as a husband Mhmm. Had a family dinner. Yep. And, man, that was I mean, I hadn't experienced that in almost 20 years.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You know? And I have meals now with my kids. And guess where I learned it? By watching Paul.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Because so much more is caught than taught, man. Like, I I learned how to be a husband by watching other men be a husband. I learned how to be a father by watching other men try to be good fathers. Everything that I do as a man, I learned by watching someone else who was not my father.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Because you cannot be what you can't see. And so a man just like that's why being a mentor is so vital, specifically, to kids who don't have dads. Because if a if a boy doesn't have a positive male in his life, I mean, he is set up for failure.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And so, also, like, what does growing up without a father do? Kids who grow up without dads, typically, they reject authority. So if you're a man and you try to tell me what to do or if you try to father me and I didn't ask for it
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:I am going to fight. I am going to, I am going to let you know how I feel about you.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And, I mean, I'm even now, like, I I still have a hard time submitting
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because for the first, you know, 25 years of my life, I was by myself. And, yeah.
Speaker 2:So So that's something mentors can really consider too is if the person their mentee grew up without a father, them submitting is already gonna be so much harder.
Speaker 1:Like, it's in this this sounds terrible, but I think it's a good picture of a kid growing up without a dad. At least for me, it is. You ever seen those, like, National Geographic documentaries about animals who are wounded? And they're just, like, backed up in a corner and It's oddly specific. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right? Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 2:And they No. I have not.
Speaker 1:And there is a background. It's a it's an orange no. And but, like, a kid growing up without a dad around, for me, I felt like a wounded animal. Like, man, I am hurt, but I'm gonna do whatever I can to keep you from helping me. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Because
Speaker 2:Well, you're not gonna you're you're gonna be super defensive against anyone coming near that wound. Exactly. And that's what help is. Help is coming to that wound. But if I'm wounded and I don't trust that if you get near my wound, like, you're not gonna press it and make it worse.
Speaker 1:I don't trust you. That's And you can tell me all day that you're good, and you can even show me. But I don't trust you. Yeah. And it's gonna take a really, really long time for me to trust you.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And so if you're a mentor and your kid doesn't have a dad around, it might take years Yeah. For them to trust you. Yeah. But if you leave them, you are going to reinforce the lie that everyone leaves.
Speaker 1:So my encouragement to you is stick it out. Yeah. Because that kid needs you. And there will come a day. It might take 6 months.
Speaker 1:It might take 1 or 2 years that they're going to trust you. Yeah. And that is the biggest deal.
Speaker 2:But there's also, I mean, that when as you say that, I'm I think immediately, like, that's a lot of pressure, but, ultimately, it isn't on you to build that trust because you can't, like, you can't prove your to like, for me, for instance, it's like I'm 30, and I feel like I'm still, like, very, very, very slow to trust people. Mhmm. And especially older men. Older men, I'm like, man, I you almost have to be living a perfect life almost dang near perfect, especially with family, like how you treat your spouse, how you treat your kids. Like, you have to be like you have to hit such a high standard for me to even be like, okay.
Speaker 2:I'll just trust you and leave
Speaker 1:a little bit. Also, one thing, if you're a mentor and you're mentoring a kid who doesn't have a dad, I think one thing that's really important is being vulnerable. Yeah. Because if you try to fake it, we're gonna see through that so quickly because we are looking for ways to not trust you. Yes.
Speaker 1:And so if you say, oh, I'm I'm I'm a perfect father and I don't ever dah dah dah with my kids and I don't ever but then we go to your house and we see it Yeah. Then, like, you've lost all credibility.
Speaker 2:100%. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so just just show up and just be you and just be honest. Yeah. And just let them know, hey, I I do lose my temper. I am not I'm I am not a perfect husband. I am definitely not a perfect father.
Speaker 1:But in in a weird way, you showing that weakness gives them more opportunities to put their faith in you.
Speaker 2:A 100%. Yeah. Which is so backwards. It is. But, you're right.
Speaker 2:Like, now now that I look back on my life, every man that I would listen to were very authentic, honest men who just, like Mhmm. They didn't try to sell me on themself. Yep. It was like they were doing the opposite. It was almost as if they were just being like, hey, man.
Speaker 2:Don't follow me. Right. I don't have it figured out. And then I would just watch them in their life, and I'd be like, no. I wanna follow you.
Speaker 2:Because it doesn't seem like you're trying to sell me in on anything. It doesn't feel like you're trying to, like, win me. Mhmm. You just are just being yourself. Like, it's almost like you gotta just let me decide.
Speaker 2:And by letting me decide how what how that plays out is you just being you. Like you said, just be you, be there, and then in time, you'll I'll start to see, like, oh, this guy's for real.
Speaker 1:Yep. Like,
Speaker 2:he's he's not killing himself to hang out with me all the time, but whenever he does, he's there with me. You know? And he's honest about it. He he tell oftentimes, the guys that are just like, hey, man. Like, you can do whatever you want.
Speaker 2:Like, I'm not, you know, I'm not your father. I care about you, but, like, you're a man. You gotta make choices for yourself, and it wasn't there was no need to, like, like or urgency to fix me or change me.
Speaker 1:So things to do, things not to do as a mentor if your mentee doesn't have a dad. Don't try to fix them. Thanks. Don't try to be their dad and don't pretend. And if if you just show up continuously, I believe that God can do something with that.
Speaker 1:But and this book, if your mentee doesn't have a dad, read it because you'll understand what they're going through. If your mentee is old enough, give them this book and y'all go, enter into this journey together. Maybe this is a good book for you guys to pick up together. And then if you're an older man, if you grow without a dad, you can pick this up too.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's not too late.
Speaker 1:It's never too late, man.
Speaker 2:Still way so much life.
Speaker 1:Man, we just kinda dove into it there, didn't we?
Speaker 2:Yeah. We did.
Speaker 1:You wanna talk about the book?
Speaker 2:Yeah. We can talk about the book. Let's do
Speaker 1:it. Sweet. Okay. So the book's set up into 4 different parts. The first one is prepare.
Speaker 1:And so this is getting you ready to start the journey, getting you prepared to face that father wound. The next one is pinpoint, and that is identifying ways that your father wound may be negatively impacting your life.
Speaker 2:And that's really should be the easiest part. What are
Speaker 1:the areas of your life that you hate? Well, yeah. It should be. But, man, there's a lot of I mean, I I would have had no clue that the negative things that we're going through that we're having in my life were because of my father wound, unless my mentor, Alex, pointed it out. And I was, like, 26.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Hey, Zach. You're angry because of your dad. What? I'm not angry because of my dad?
Speaker 1:What are you talking about? Right. Zach, you don't trust because of your dad. What? You're crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You don't forgive. You are a one man show. You don't ask for help. All because of that.
Speaker 2:For me, I couldn't celebrate anybody.
Speaker 1:Because I I have to grind. Because if I don't perform, people don't love me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And for me, it was, like, not even just performing, but performing the best. If someone's better than me, then I I don't get love Yeah. Which is a terrible thing because there's always gonna be something better someone better than you at something. And so then it was just this never ending, I'm never enough, and then I I have to do something in order to be loved.
Speaker 2:And for me specifically, then that would eventually lead to this, like, hopeless despair, which then I would comfort through sexual addiction, pornography,
Speaker 1:girls Alcohol, drugs.
Speaker 2:Anything. Anything. Anything. Sports. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean So
Speaker 1:Yeah. Alright.
Speaker 2:Want to get on to that. Seriously. Real ugly at some point on these podcasts.
Speaker 1:We've got prepare, we've got pinpoint, and then you have to process your past. You have to process your hurt in such a way that honors the Lord so that you can start the healing journey. And then last one is proclaim. And that is once you've, faced your past, once you've identified those wounds, once you've taken steps to have the Lord heal those up, you can go and help others experience the healing journey as well.
Speaker 2:Do you wanna know a crazy statistic? Please. I don't actually know the exact number, but I interviewed a guy who he's probably in his sixties and he spent the last 30 years researching, like, how faith affects, addicts. And he said that the the study showed that the addicts, like, alcoholics or whatever, drug addicts, the ones that showed long term sustained sobriety were the ones that went and helped others do the same. Yeah.
Speaker 2:The ones that didn't ended up going back.
Speaker 1:It's a it's a great reminder of what the Lord has done in your life. And so and just, like, who who doesn't like helping people? Right. Which, like, if you're a mentor more times than not, you're helping these kids because you have experienced that in your life, and you just wanna continue the cycle.
Speaker 2:And then it just forces you to continue thinking about
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Man, like, I see it in this person that I'm mentoring their life. I gotta keep doing it. Like, I gotta keep doing the work of knowing that I I am loved not because of what I do, but because of who I am.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing about a kid who doesn't have a dad around is they just wanna be loved. That's it. Like, they are just searching for love. And they're searching for it through getting good grades. They're searching for it in gangs.
Speaker 1:They're searching for it in having sex. They're searching for it in drugs and alcohol. They're searching for it in anything they do. And they just wanna be loved. That's it.
Speaker 1:Which is why introducing them to the unconditional, you know, perfect love of Jesus is so so appealing. Yes. Alright. So we've got the prepare, which that's, like, setting the stage. We talked about the father wound.
Speaker 1:I tell my story of, whenever my dad left us. And then, what do we need to do to prepare for the journey? And then who do we need to invite into our life to help us on that journey. When it comes to pinpoint, I talk about the lies. I talk about how it impacted my life.
Speaker 1:I talk about my specific kind of process, like, how I dealt with it. I talk about forgiveness. And then, I answer some of the questions that most people who grow up without a dad ask. Like, do I have what it takes? Who will help me?
Speaker 1:How can I show that I'm enough? Why did this happen to me? Can I put my faith in people? Why do I feel the need to be perfect? Am I lovable?
Speaker 1:Mhmm. All of those things. Yeah. Big questions. Next, I talked about generational sin, how growing up with without a father, impacts me as an adult, which that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Talks about how I'm I have to control and I how it impacts my relationships and my self confidence, and how I'm just so filled with fear because I don't want what happened to me to happen to my kids. Right. Which that's crazy. I talking talk about seeing the world and seeing people not through my lens of, growing up without a dad, but through the perfect, perspective of Christ. I talk about, like, faith and love and, hope over hopelessness, insecurity, and fear.
Speaker 1:And then I talk about sonship. That's such a big deal. I talk about boundaries and then, I ask some, like, specific kinds of questions that I try to answer just from my own past, like, will things ever be normal? What to do about holidays? How does that impact your marriage?
Speaker 1:All of those.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And then lastly, I just talk about how you can become a guide and how you can help other people, which is all about mentoring. And then lastly, I talk about the stages of fatherlessness, which is what most people experience when they go through their father wounds. But so that's the book. It's called Tell Me About Your Father. You can pick it up on Amazon.
Speaker 1:If you want multiple copies, send us an email zach@youcanmentor.com, c a c h, and I will give you a good little a good little price on the old bulk orders. But, yeah, that's about it. It's a big deal, Silas, obviously.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Biggest to me, this is the the most important thing any man could could ever do. Yeah. Fex everything. It affects everything.
Speaker 2:I'm still, like I'm right I I'm right in the middle of it. Right in the middle of it. Yeah. But if it wasn't for mentors Yeah. Who demonstrated this because my dad died when I was 16.
Speaker 2:He was in and out of my life, and I never really saw him. Mhmm. Never saw him demonstrate anything. And, like, I've struggled in my marriage right now, and we'll get to the point where I'm just like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I have no idea how we're supposed to talk to each other in this situation. I never saw it.
Speaker 1:You know? Man, I was at church on Sunday, and, this older man was sitting next to me, and he, like, put his hand on my shoulder for, like, a minute. And it was even now, whenever a man touches me, I still, like, tense up Mhmm. Because because it's it's so rare. Right.
Speaker 1:And in my head, I was like, oh, so this is what it feels like
Speaker 2:Mhmm. To
Speaker 1:have a dad around. It's crazy, man.
Speaker 2:It is. But Insane.
Speaker 1:Alright. Well, we hope that this book helps you as a mentor, better relate and love and serve your mentee, and we hope it's a tool to put in your mentoring tool belt. And, hey, might even help you. So it's a good one. Pick it up.
Speaker 1:Tell me about your father. I read it.
Speaker 2:You did? I did. One of the few books I've ever read. Thank you, Sal.
Speaker 1:Alright. Well, we hope that this helped you out today. Share it with friend. Give us that 5 star rating. And remember You can mentor.
Speaker 1:You can, my darling. Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Give us that 5 star rating and share this podcast with your mentoring friends. Learn more at youcanmentor.com. Thank you.